Resident Evil REwritten

A New Nightmare

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers.


Ever play Nier Automata? It's pretty good for a 3rd person platforming side-scroller beat'em'up bullet hell twin-stick shooter action RPG with 20-some endings for the story.

I'm not even kidding. Dark Id has an epic screenshot playthrough on the LP Archive, it's the only reason I bought the game. It IS that good.

Anywho. I lost my little brother not long ago, so I've been helping my parents deal with what Id is going through these days. It's never easy for anyone.

For all of you out there, enjoy the time you have with your loved ones; you never know when they'll be taken from you; there one day, gone the next.


#24 Awkward Reunion



Breathe slow and smooth, roll your feet heel to toe, and keep your eyes high. The same old mantra I'd had drilled into my head as a child, echoeing in my mind as the warhorse trembles in my hands, ready and eager to run. Easy, girl... Soon. Real soon. Lickers are blind, not stupid. It knows I'm tracking it. Has to, the way it keeps pausing to listen whenever I get close.

After making my way up the stairs, eyes glued to the windows, I stepped onto the third floor, panning my weapon across the ceiling. Hallway blocked, I step through a gaping hole in the wall, into a small study; I snatch up a key and a couple of pens off the nearby desk as I pass by, tucking them into my shirt pocket. As I slowly pulled the door open, I could see the creature pass by the window, clinging to the outer wall of the building. I waited several seconds before slipping through, rounding a bend in the corridor, finding this one blocked, as well, this time by a stack of crates. But before reaching the crates, there was a door.

Testing the handle, I found it unlocked; the ominous groaning noise it made as I forced it open filled the dark storage room with a particularly menacing atmosphere; made all the more unsettling by the dim, flickering light barely hanging above the only other door in sight, and the clutter that filled the room brought about a nasty feeling of claustrophobia. A classic set piece for a horror genre.

Silently making my through the room, around a column, I noted that the suspended ceiling had a numer of tiles missing, the various pipes, ducts, conduit, and wires easily visible... A very likely means of hiding for monsters to get the drop on unwary survivors. Directly to the right of the door was a mangled corpse dangling from the ceiling, where something had dragged him up to be devoured at a later date. Making a note of this, I continued to the other side of the room, eyes glued to the ceiling until I noticed the heavy wrought-iron bars barricading off a small portion of the room-

A portion containing a rather out-of-place Maiden statue, replete with giant golden emblem. Outstanding.

Glancing to the other side of this barricade, I found a hastily-fabricated wooden section, along with a very conspicuous block of C4 duct taped to its surface. Beside this was a... A note?

I looked around for threats, finding none, before approaching the barricade and studying both the note, and the plastic explosive. The C4 had the blasting caps embedded in it, ready and waiting for the detonator to be attached; it was less than half a pound, give or take, not enough to be worth trying to shave off enough to be useful, while still leaving enough to quickly dismantle this barricade. Whoever set this up was assuredly no demolition expert.

Anyway, I turned my attention to the note, scanning the few lines scribbled down... And found them to be the ravings of a madman, whining about subordinates not following orders, about plans to torture a group of survivors, and intent to kill them. Followed by a quip about... Music?

Hm. Irons is definitely well-suited to his role of sociopathic madman. Going to have to put a bullet in him before he causes trouble; this brings up more dissonance between my memories, and what has actually happened in this reality.

No. Stop.

Focus on the present, you can deal with existential bullshit later.

Shaking those thoughts from my head, I looked through the bars, seeing a number of corpses laid out behind them... They died clawing at the wood, desperate to get out. A quarter each, for the fallen... If I had a pocketful of coins, I'd leave some. Honor the dead through deeds, not words.

I drew the detonator from my pocket, popping in the 9v battery I'd nicked from Wesker's office.

Time to go to work.




Ears ringing, I shook off the concussion and rounded the column I'd taken cover behind, slowly making my way through the smoke, Warhorse steady in my hands. I could feel, but barely hear the floorboards creaking ominously under my boots as I made my way through the barricade and towards the statue.

It took only a moment to spin the slots- Well, they certainly looked like a slot machine, to the symbols that had been hastily drawn in Elliot's notebook. Elliot... That was the blonde officer's name, though I'm not entirely certain how I gleamed that bit of informaton.

Irrelevant, now; I withdrew the heavy medallion and pocketed it. Time to leave.

Just as I stepped back through the gaping pinto-sized (The car, not the bean) hole in the barricade, my stomach dropped and the hair on the back of my neck stood on-end.

[Six Black Heavens' Guns; Guilty Gear Xrd OST]

Without hesitation, I threw myself forward into a sloppy somersault, my shaggy hair ruffled by something awful sharp in the process. Regaining my feet, heart pounding and blood thundering in my ears, I spun and snapped my weapon onto the licker that just barely missed my head as it spun about, already tracking me.


A double-tap into its back didn't even phase the creature as it lept back up to the ceiling in the blink of an eye, and in the time it took to snap my rifle up, it launched itself at me with an inhuman screech!

I parried its claws with my rifle as it crashed into me, both of us tumbling to the floor in a hea-



Correction, it sent both killing machines tumbling through the floor.

That sudden sinking feeling as the world gives out from under you is a uniquely terrifying sensation, moreso when you've got an angry, snarling, sharp-toothed monster to wrestle with at the same time.

The world turned to shades of grey and gravity seemed to slow down as my gift kicked in, and after what felt like an eternity of falling, I managed to get my leg between us and shoved the licker off of me as hard as I could. This reprieve lasted less than an instant before my other foot got caught on something, and my entire body was jerked to a painful halt after crashing halfway through the suspended ceiling of the STARS office, my rifle tumbling to the floor, sling be damned.

A moment of somewhat peaceful silence passed as I drew my pistol and took stock of my situation; upside-down, dangling from the ceiling like a piece of meat in a freezer, hunted by something with lots of sharp teeth. Yep, definitely a Tuesday.


This moment was cut short by the ear-piercing screech of an angry monster lunging at me from the dark above!


Three rounds of 9mm JHP tore through the creature's head as it bodily slammed into me, once again sending the both of us tumbling to the floor-


OW. Through a desk, on our way to the floor.

Bruised, winded, and thoroughly irritated, I angrily shoved the skinless freak's leaking corpse off of my battered body with an exasperated groan, taking a moment to revel in my indignity before pulling myself out of the shattered remains of-

Of my desk, right next to Rebecca's. Irony; deliciously painful irony. "Augh, Christ on a crutch... Oh God, I'm gonna feel that one tomorrow." I stretched as best I could, grimacing at the throbbing ache in my lower back and brushing off the splinters.

I finally looked up to casually greet my fellow survivors like I hadn't just crashed through the ceiling, and blinked owlishly when I met their eyes. The pair were in a rather... Compromising position.

That being, pants around their ankles, with the redhead laid out across her brother's desk, shirt and bra pushed up, the blonde's lips wrapped around a dusky pink nipple.

He released her nipple with an audible *Pop!* and muttered, "Uhh... This isn't what it looks like?"

For the second time in my life, I had absolutely no goddamn idea what to say, at least for a moment. After that moment, I started fishing through my pockets for a cigarette and snarked, "I don't know if I want to punch you or high-five you, and that kinda scares me. Agh, I'm getting too old for this shit."

That first hit of nicotine eased my irritation somewhat as I picked up my rifle, looking it over for damage while snidely remarking, "You two good to go, or should I leave you alone for awhile?"

Before Leon could make a witty retort, still buried balls-deep, Claire piped up with, "Another ten minutes would be nice."

"Uh-huh... Mind the ceiling in case anything else wants to drop in."

Shaking my head disapprovingly as I limped out the door, I heard Claire saying, "Still hard? Good. Now come on, Ace, fuck me!"

Yeesh, and I thought I was a horndog... In that moment, a random, but rather novel idea for petty vengeance struck me. "Heh, can't wait to tell Chris."

"Tell my brother and you're dead, asshole!" Claire shouted through the door, the legs of Chris' desk still squeaking and creaking against the floor tiles.