Resident Evil REwritten

Waking Up Dead

" " -Spoken

' ' -Thought

( ) -Commentary. The smartass remarks that could be heard from the back of my head. For comic relief, and personal opinions. They're usually too snarky to be said aloud.

Welcome to the world of Resident Evil. Good luck and godspeed, you stupid, suicidal motherfuckers.


Quote of the day!

"Man ." -Ar


#6 Even Bigger Mistake


As I jogged up the stairs and through the door into the auditorium, I pondered just what I should do to mess with Alby and Willy. Heh, maybe I'll tell Birkin that he has all the recessive genes, eheheheh.(Shamelessly ripped from The Dark Id's RE0 LP. Seriously, go check it out. The Let's Play Archive)

Or, maybe I should insinuate to that paranoid egghead that his good friend has been pumping a 'virus' of his own into Annette. Possibly resulting in that blonde-haired little brat of theirs, heheheh. Ah, I'm too cruel, sometimes. Anyway.

Through the next set of knight doors and into a(nother! Another one, goddamnit! How many halls does this place need?!) hallway. On my right was a wall and to my left, a very unfortunate member of the ZHCF.(Zombie Horde of Cannon Fodder)

As befitting his mook-status, I put him down very gently.


By smashing his head into paste against the wall with the butt of my rifle. Say what you will about the man, but Mikhail designed a very stout piece of artillery. It's bloody soldier-proof, it is. But I digress.

I dropped the second asshat down the hall with a single well-placed round through one temple and out the other. The moaning that had permeated the small space immediately ceased, and I took the opportunity to enjoy the silence.

. . .

"Man, I'm bored. Wish I had my Ipod right about now. Heh, yeah, some Black Veil Brides is what I need. Maybe some good old Johnston."

[Cue music: I Walk Alone, by Jim Johnston featuring Saliva. Album; WWE Wreckless Intent]

"Haha, yeah! That's more like it!"

Raising my boot, I kicked in the door to the infirmary, gun ready. Two targets inside, both completely zom-boned!


Hah! Oh, admit it, you chuckled at that ultra-lame pun. Anywho-

Whoa. They're both already dead,(Literally and figuratively) two rounds in each skull. Man, I work fast. But, uh, ahem. Righty-O, then, back to the reason I came here. "Let's get looting!"

Whatta we got? First Aid sprays, plenty. Three, four cans now jammed into the duffle. Preserved green and red herbs, even a few blue ones.(And a very odd-looking purple, which I decided to take along anyway. The yellow was haphazardly tossed in, as well)

Plenty of bandages and gauze to go around, plus some painkillers and antibiotics. Even if they were slightly past the expiration date, they're probably better than nothing, right?

Now for that antiseptic. Where, oh where could it be? After some few moments of fruitless searching, I found two large bottles of said alky along with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.(Bloody cabinet was locked. They've got an open bar and plenty of fine wine, but they're worried someone is going to pilfer the only non-potable alcohol in this joint? Yeesh)

Okay, most people think those two solutions are the same thing. Um, spoiler? They're NOT. Most definitely not. The peroxide is usually the better one to have for daily use on small cuts, scrapes, ect. The alcohol is far stronger when it comes to killing germs and bacteria. Problem is, the peroxide doesn't burn on open wounds.(Though it does cause more visible scarring and delays the body's natural healing)

But rubbing alcohol? Oh-ho-ho, you might have to confirm its effects on open wounds for yourself, my good(And gullible) friend. That stuff is like poring white-hot flaming napalm laced with melted salt into an open cut.

And that's putting it mildly.

But still, it disinfects and doesn't slow the body's natural healing process. But, I've rambled long enough. Now I've got a few more errands to run before getting back to those knuckleheads.

Hm, speaking of which. I wonder how they're do-

"EEEEEYYYAAAAAAAGGGHHHH!" A girlish scream pierced my ears, which I now noticed as the ringing from the gunshots finally quieted down.

"Shitfucksonofabitch!" I was already out the door, ramming into the wall as I sprinted down the hall fast as a bullet, rebounding myself off the next two walls and through the doors, bursting into the auditorium. I turned and practically bound halfway across the room in a single step,(Or so it felt) bursting through the next door just in time to hear the gunshot.



Warning. This is going to be graphic.

The sound of a nine-milimeter going off echoed around the room, chilling my blood as I grabbed the nearest guardrail and vaulted, dropping down in a crouch with my rifle already aimed towards-

A dead zombie(Now re-dead instead of re-animated) lying on the floor, a pool of blood spreading from under its head. Next to it, Billy and Rebecca were both still on the floor, the former Marine holding the smoking gun.

"What happened?" I asked, jogging down to find out what all the screaming was about.

He looked up, a pained, fearful look in his normally-steely eyes. "Rebecca was-"

Billy didn't need to finish. I could see the girl cradling her arm, gritting her teeth as she tried to hold back tears. Specifically, a spot on her left forearm that was dripping blood.

'Oh... Oh, no.'

Three options; leave her. Treat her. Kill her. All with their own risks. Leaving her would be the same as putting a gun to her head, she wouldn't last unil morning, bitten or not. I don't have access to any form of antivirus, and I have no clue as to how to make Daylight or any other form of cure. And I-

I refuse to hurt her. Not here, not now, not ever.

My mind processed all that information in an instant, my body moving on sheer muscle memory.

"Billy, belt off and hold her down." I unslung the bag, dropping it next to the medic as I took a knee and began pulling out the materials I would need.

'If there is a God in this world, then hear me now! Let my hands be swift and sure, don't you dare take her from me!'

The ex-Lieutenant already had his leather belt off, folding it over as he held it to Rebecca's mouth.(Good; he knew what I had in mind) "Bite down, this is gonna hurt." He warned, positioning himself to keep her from bucking as he took hold of her other arm.

She was openly crying, tears sliding down her cheeks as she watched us work. "How long as it been, exactly, since she was bitten?" Alcohol, lighter, tourniquet, bandages, herbs, spray and gauze. Gonna need it all.

"Two minutes, eight seconds." Hmph. Cutting it close.

I strapped the old-school mini-tourniquet around the upper part of her arm, latching it down tight as I got a better look at the wound.


It was bad-looking,(For the infection) but otherwise, superficial. A flesh wound, but very little muscles was damaged. Her arm would be serviceable, if nothing else. I took hold of her wrist, holding her arm very still. "This is going to burn like nothing you've ever felt before."

She closed her eyes while I bit down on the cap of the plastic bottle, ripping it off. I dumped its contents over the injury, carefully making sure every single centimeter of infected flesh was sterilized.

"GUUURRRRAAAAAGGGHHH!" She screamed through her mouthful of leather, eyes clenched shut as her body spasmed, barely moving under the former Marine's weight.

And now, for the sadistic part of this little exercise. I grabbed a piece of gauze, drying off the alcohol around the bite before grabbing my lighter. Billy's eyes widened dramatically and he swallowed, but said nothing as he turned to look back into Rebecca's eyes.

"Keep breathing, in and out." Breathing? She was panting, sweat soaking through her shirt. "'Cuz this will be ten times worse." And I flicked the wheel, lighting the flammable solution soaking her opened flesh.


The sound that escaped her throat could only be described as screaming bloody murder. Beyond that, the english language fails to accurately replicate the sheer pain in her strained voice.

Five seconds, minimum.






I grabbed that gauze pad, using it to pat out the dimming flame on her shaking arm. Dropping it aside, I grabbed for my next implement; dried green herb leaves. Pop 'em in my mouth, chew for three seconds, rip off my glove and spit. Then rub it into the injury.

The stuff was nasty and kinda foul-smelling, but it did the trick. She was still panting, covered in sweat and her eyes were blank, but she didn't seem to be in agony anymore. I then grabbed the nearest spray, flicking off the cap and giving it a shake. Then liberally apply to wound and set aside for later, snatching up a new pad and more bandages.

Once the bite was suitably treated and wrapped up, I pulled off that tourniquet and shifted the suddenly all-too-little girl to cradle her head on my lap, gently pulling the belt from her worn-out jaw.(Man, those were some deep teeth marks. If she lives long enough to give me head, I really hope she doesn't bite)

Rebecca still had that miles-away look in her nearly-blank eyes, out of it for now.

"Will she be alright?" Billy asked, startling me from my thoughts.

I shook my head. "I don't know. Standard operating procedure for T-virus infection is to apply a tourniquet and amputate the limb in question before cauterizing the wound. After, large doses of antibiotics are taken to lower the risk of the infection killing the victim. That procedure needs to be done inside of a minute, otherwise the infection will have already spread past the limb and into the rest of the body. For a shoulder, neck, head or torso bite, the victim is often better off shooting themselves to save their comrades the bullet."

"But Umbrella made this T-virus, right? Wouldn't they have a cure for it?" He asked, still sounding very worried.

"No. Umbrella isn't known for its caution, nor common sense. There is no cure that I am aware of, though perhaps a blood transfusion from someone who is immune might be effective. Finding someone, however, would be nearly impossible. Once your heart stops, you're beyond any help; the T-virus reanimates dead cells, but the creatures only retain the most base instincts. The need to feed, and to spread the infection." Simple things that I remember. If the virus kills you, you'll be reanimated by it soon enough.

Hm. I'm sure he's going to ask what her chances are. "Before you even ask, we won't know if she's infected for a few hours, at least. Not until she starts showing symptoms. Pale skin, darkly contrasted veins, bloodshot eyes, increased pain tolerance, decreased fine motor control. I would rather we stay put, as moving would exacerbate her situation, but we don't have any choice." I looked up, into the Marine's eyes. "We need to get out of this place as soon as possible."

The girl lounging on my lap then stirred. "Can you two stop talking about me now?"

I glanced down, finding her face still a few shades paler than I'd like. "Are you feeling alright?"

"My arm hurts like hell. I heard everything, and I want to keep going." Oh, dear. She's got that look in her eyes, that determined, unstoppable teenage rebellion-style look.

"Very well." I stood, pulling Rebecca to her feet in the same motion. She swayed a bit, but didn't fall, at least. I indicated the duffle bag I'd left open. "Grab some penicillin and as many tylenol as you like."

I hopped up the stairs to the first landing, something peculiar on the basement entry stairs catching my eye. There were long drag marks and fresh blood as far down as I could see; I take it that zombie dragged himself up the stairs when he caught whiff of those two.

Hmph. Just how the hell did he get up here without making noise, though? And where was he, down there?

Tch, whatever. It's already done and over with. I moved to the top of the stairs, around to the statue before plucking both Sig's from the scales before bounding back down to the other two.

Billy took it upon himself to grab a few painkillers as well, the pair downing at least three or four each. After handing out those extra pistols and replacing all the unused gear back in the duffle, I slung it over my shoulder, starting back up the stairs.

"C'mon, let's ditch these tablets and get the fuck outta here."

Up the stairs and through the hall we went, right into the cage room.(Or breeding pool, whatever you want to call it) Ahead of us, the knight doors were still unlocked, so one swift shove later, they were wide open. Glancing back to the others, I found something rather amusing.

Billy-boy was waddling, doing the cowboy-style walk with his legs splayed wide, doing what he could to avoid any more contact with his sore dangly-bits. Heh, it was pretty darn funny, if you ask me. But anywho.

I saw them through the door, keeping my eyes on that grating in the pool the entire time, as I was none too keen on fighting some big-ass bug with two cripples for me to look after. Babysitting isn't in my job description.

A moment later, I thought, 'Wait. Isn't babysitting what you agreed to when you decided to keep Rebecca's tight little ass alive?'

. . .

'Dammit, jim, you done fucked that up, too. Wonder if zombification can be passed on like an STD?'


With Wesker and Birkin

"Who is that man? How does he know about the T-virus?" William muttered, more to himself than anything as his mind spun with possibilities. While most of the cameras were out of their reach, Albert was able to patch into the audio feed from the central foyer.

The man was a good shot, but the mic was seperate from the camera, and he hadn't bothered searching for it.

Wesker adjusted his sunglasses again. "This could be... Problematic. It's unlikely that the girl will survive, but the two males are trouble. They'll at least drag Chambers along with them; hopefully she'll slow them down."

"And if she doesn't?"

William once again saw one of Albert Wesker's rare smiles; a more predatory look would be hard to imagine. "Then I'll lure them in to die with Alpha."


"So just what's going to happen when we put these tablets in there?" Rebecca asked from above me, both of my candy-assed partners deciding to remain on the upper tier of the observatory.

With a shake of my head, I responded,"You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Just hang on to somehting and don't fall."

I began placing the stones, ominously reciting an old mantra I remembered hearing in a video game, once. It seemed fitting, given the situation. "Pease is a lie; there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory." I then placed the final tablet; Unity.

"...And through victory, my chains are broken." Just as I finished, the mechanism began rumbling, the tower shaking and quakign beneath our feet.

"W-what's going on?!" Our medic cried, heavily leaning against the wall to keep from toppling over while the former Marine was wildly looking left and right, trying to figure out what was happening.

The entire two minutes it took for the observatory to come to a stop, there had been this omnipresent grinding of stone-on-stone, the old masonry and equipment barely holding together. But once it shuddered to a stop, the last thing we heard was a loud *Cli-CHKH!* As the doors unlocked.

Pulling myself up to the higher tier, I called, "My friends, you have just taken a ride on the world's biggest, most expensive and of course, utterly useless elevator." I pushed the doors open, revealing the stone walkway that lead to the church.

After grabbing our gear and stepping out side, we collectively turned to see just how far down the entire tower went.

"You- You're kidding me. They turned an entire tower into an elevator, just to go down A SINGLE STORY?!" Billy shouted, completely flabberghasted. "What the hell? Just how the fuck did they justify that expense?"

I shrugged. "This is Umbrella you're talking about. The crank for the lift in the library is plated with gold and the keys for the place are, as well. Probably cost more than a researcher's month-long salary. I get the feeling the guys in accounting have nightmares about how much money gets wasted on these mansions-turned-laboratories."

Both of them stopped staring at the building and turned to look at me, blinking owlishly.(For all I know, they might've hooted) Rebecca then asked me, "They have more places like this? And what do you mean, laboratory?"

Turning to point towards our next destination, I answered, "Yep, the Spencer estate right here in the Arklay mountains is the big one. That's where they were doing experiments with the T-virus that's lead to all those grisly cannibalistic murders that've been popping up around Raccoon City. There's an elevator over yonder that will take us down to the lab for this place. It's also where we'll find our way out."

I looked back to the two of them, and found Rebecca rubbing her arm again. "Um... You don't suppose they might have a cure here, do you?"

Shit. Shaking my head, I replied, "Doubtful. This place has been shut down for ten years; any samples they might've had will have gone bad by now. Besides, any cure for the T-virus' effects would have to wait until symptoms start showing, 'cuz I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar it's just as deadly as the virus itself. Now c'mon, let's get moving."

Of course, the elevator was powered down. And to further my irritation even more, in order to get it operational, we would need to activate the breaker that's on the roof of the church. Lovely.

'Fuck you and everything you hold dead till it's bleeding from the ass and crying into a pillow, Capcom! Always piling on those extra five seconds of gameplay, ya pricks!'

"Alright, you two, wait over in that gatehouse. And Billy, hand over that launcher." Blinking in confusion, he did so as I handed him the shotgun in return, already making my way for the doors. This was going to be a pain in my ass, I already knew it.


"The hell did want the Arwen for?" Billy asked, muttering to himself.

I shrugged, shaking my head. "Probably to kill whatever he knows is inside the church."

. . .

The ex-Lieutenant spun to give me an odd stare. "What are you talking about?"

"Didn't you see that he always seems to know what we're going up against? Like back on the train, and when he started cooking up those molotovs? And again, down in the basement?"

He blinked, finally putting two and two together. "Yeah, it is kinda strange. But even weirder, you notice he's been trying to keep us out of the way?"

And we're still getting 37. Great. "Mmhm. I still don't know what to make of him, except that he wants to keep us alive. The only time I saw him looking surprised was when I got bit... He was absolutely shocked. I don't think he knew about that zombie that came from the basement, or at least he didn't expect it. I'm not sure what's going on, but I think he knows a lot more than he's letting on."

"Got that right. He's dodged every question about who he is, or why he's here. Just that he's a government employee. FBI, maybe? Or CIA, more likely." Billy shook his head, openeing his mouth to say something when-


"THAT'S RIGHT, YOU FLYING RAT! GET SOME!" We could hear Roy shouting at something, right after an explosion sent our ears ringing.

'Flying rat? Some kind of bat, maybe?'

As we stared at the church doors, they were suddenly blasted outward, a gigantic, furry monster of some kind thrashing about as it clawed its way outside, screeching and spraying blood everywhere. There was a massive, gaping hole in its abdomen, the source of its agony.

It got no more than another dozen feet when Roy stepped out of the church, aiming the launcher once more.


And he fired a second time, blasting the huge bat's head clean off. Roy blew the smoke off the muzzle of his weapon, chuckling as he casually remarked, "Heheheheh, ain't no more bats in the bellfry."

Oh, you have got to be kidding me. My life is in the hands of someone who makes puns like that?

It's official, I'm doomed.


After returning the portable dispenser of concentrated asswhupping to Billy-Bob, I retook my shotgun and beckoned them to follow me. "C'mon, the elevator should be back up'n running."

When I was right next to said elevator, I glanced back to find they weren't behind me. No, they were back at the gatehouse.


"Alright, what is it?"

Rebecca answered. "We want to know how you knew that thing was in there, and exactly where we're going."

Oh? It seems they're already onto my little game. Well, shit. Options?

'Lie through your teeth. Complete, utter honesty. Brush them off. Yeesh, all three options suck complete ass.'

"It's a very long, and very complicated story. Hell, if I told you, you more than likely wouldn't believe me. Second question, we're going to hikack a, ah, whattaya call it. S'like a skilift, or something. Big-ass train car-like thing that's suspended on a cable that goes across a chasm. It'll take us to an Umbrella-owned water treatment facility, where we'll then make our escape into the Raccoon Forest. Now, much as I'd like to discuss this with you at length, we need to get moving before the self-destruct mechanism is activated."

They both blinked, simultaneously shouting, "Wait, WHAT?!"

I nodded. "You heard me, self-destruct mechanism. All of Umbrella's biological research facilities have one built into them in case of contamination, or in this case, an outbreak. It's still gonna take awhile for old Willy Birkin to get it activated, but I reckon it'll go off soon after dawn. And I dunno about y'all, but I don't want to be around when it does."

Rebecca and Billy gave each other a look. A moment later, they turned back to me and nodded. "Alright, fine. But we want an explanation the moment we're out of here."

"Fair enough, let's go. I hope y'all like elevator music."


There is a shout-out to Metal Gear Solid and another to my good friend, The Dark Id. He's on the Let's Play Archive, so seriously. Go check out his stuff, the guy's a comedic genius.(I admit, I read through his LP to find out how many enemies were in certain areas, as I didn't feel like trolling around on YouTube for the info)

And just so you guys know,(Before some jackass tries to say I steal all my material) I only add the guy's stuff to give me a reason to tell y'all to check out his LP's. If I didn't throw in some incentive,(Like humor) then none of you would bother with the effort of searching for him. Carrot or a stick, people.


"There are three kinds of men in this world. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves." -Will Rogers


"If you're in a survival movie and the hot blond twists her ankle and can't walk, you damn well better figure a way to carry her. If it's a dude, you shake his hand and say best of luck." -Unknown


"Participating in a gun buy back because you believe that the criminals have too many guns is like having yourself castrated because you believe that the neighbors have too many kids." -Unknown


"Ronald Reagan had a vision of America. Barack Obama has a vision of Barack Obama." ~ Thomas Sowell


"Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the conquest of it." -Unknown.