Disclaimer: I own nothing. All the characters, situations or quotes mentioned here belong to CW.
After all, if I DID own Arrow, Felicity and Oliver would already be together;)
Song lyrics belong to Sara Bareilles (her song, titled "1000 times").
A/N: Hi, dear Olicity shippers!;)
And all Felicity and Arrow fans;)
I LOVE Arrow and Felicity is my favourite character, that's why,
after reading so many wonderful fanfics I couldn't help myself
and I wrote this little something, that is Felicity's POV
after what Oliver said to her in the end of the last episode;)
I hope I did her justice, since writing a character like her is something new to me;)
Any mistakes are mine and only MINE, since I'm not a native and I don't have a beta,
so please, if you notice a really grave mistake, let me know.
Oh, and Sara Bareilles' song I took the title from,
I think it's lyrics suit Felicity's situation perfectly,
so I recommend you to listen to it, it's great!;)
Without further ado, please ENJOY, Read & Review!:)
There was no choice to make.
Yeah, right, but it doesn't make her feel any less guilty.
Felicity silently watches Oliver leaving the Foundry for the night and then she turns her chair to her monitors, not seeing anything on the screens. She told her friends she would look for some information about the members of the jury, to check Oliver's suspicions. For her, he should just be grateful that his mother wasn't convicted, but apparently Mr. I-Put-The-Fear-Of-God-In-People is bound to pick holes in everything. Yet, she could see the logic in his mistrust. Who is she to judge him for this? After all, though this be madness, yet there's method in't…
The truth is, even if it was only his paranoia, she would help him, she wouldn't mind it. Especially not tonight.
He put her first, he choose saving her over keeping his promise to not kill anybody. And he could repeat over and over that she wasn't to blame for that, but she was. It was her bravado that put her in that position. And again, she ended as the damsel in distress.
Would she do this again, if she had a choice? Yes, yes she would. She'd do this for her friend, for Diggle. Always.
If she could spare Oliver trouble of saving her? Of braking his vow just to rescue her? Would she really do that?
And that's why she's grateful she doesn't have to make that choice again. Because for now it's enough that she'll be blaming herself for all this mess. It's better to just stop replying that scene in her mind and focus on something else…
Then, all she has in front of her eyes is his face, when he told her those simple words: "There was no choice to make."… And she can't help herself and she starts to compare his face at that moment with the one he had just a week ago…
Because of the life that I lead, I just think that it's better to not be with someone that I could really care about…
Oh, no! No, no, NO! She was replaying this line in her head for a week now and she still doesn't understand what he meant by that. That silly little voice in her head just can't shut up and it tells her that maybe, just maybe, she could be the one he was talking about… But it really should be the time to just STOP getting ahead of herself.
Right, like it's ever going to happen. Maybe in a month of Sundays.
She's not allowed to overanalyze everything Oliver says. She's not allowed to imagine things that aren't there. She's not allowed to see in his actions today something more than just an act of a friend saving a friend. Because they're friends. And that's a lot more important to her than this huge, big, fat crush she's had on him since the moment he came to her office with a bullet-riddled laptop, the lamest excuse ever and a smile that instantly made her melt like a butter.
If she is so honest with herself right now, Felicity should finally admit that ever since that day, if he asked her to jump, her only question would be "How high?". Not that it isn't beyond annoying and definitely not something that a young, independent, modern, grown-up woman should ever admit.
She told herself to stop behaving like a star-struck teenager ages ago. And, like a 1000 times. It worked, eventually. Then, when she started to see the real Oliver, not this whole billionaire-playboy façade – the Oliver he was showing to everyone else except for Diggle and her – her teenage crush turned into respect and, well… something more.
That's why she was ready to jump off the freaking plane to bring his sorry ass back to Starling City. And that's why she finally agreed to work on a position she is really overqualified to. That's why she started to ignore those ugly rumors about the reasons why she got 'promoted,' when, actually, she was demoted.
It's time to admit it, at least to yourself, Felicity. You're not helping them just because you believe in their case. Not if the way your heart skipped the beat when he held your hand tonight is anything to go by. Not, if there are moments when you have to fight very hard to focus on your task when they're training together, or when he's doing that thing with the salmon ladder…
The thing is, even when she can't make her imagination just shut up, even when she starts to babble and puts her foot in her mouth, she doesn't really mind. She knows that for the time being, making do is the name of the game for her. She prefers to have him as her friend, knowing this different side of him, than not knowing the real him at all.
She decides it's time to finally focus on her task. After all, it's better to do that than try to fall asleep and risk having nightmares about that night… That's why, although she would never tell them that later, she's not going home tonight. Maybe in the morning, but just to have a shower and to change.
It's better to tell herself she's doing this just for him, than that she's doing this because she's afraid of her nightmares that were bound to come. She's doing this all the same. She doesn't mind not sleeping a wink tonight.
In spite of herself, when she puts her headphones on, she finds herself almost immediately humming softly to herself the song that starts playing:
...Cause I would die to make you mine,
Bleed me dry each and every time,
I don't mind, no I don't mind it,
I would come back 1000 times
You can make me wait forever,
Push me away and tell me never,
I don't mind, no I don't mind it,
I would come back 1000 times...*
Finally focused on her task and able to forget for a moment about what happened that night, she doesn't hear Oliver's footsteps when he goes down the stairs to the Foundry because he forgot the keys to his bike. Seeing Felicity in her element, so engrossed in her work, makes him crack a real smile for the first time in hours, maybe even days.
*Sara Bareilles - 1000 times