A/N: This is apparently what happens when my brother and I are left alone in a room with a computer without Internet for an hour…

Warnings: minor Character Death (I'm just saying this now, Sirius dies), debatable misuse of a soccer ball (football for every other country, hence the title), and Clue. Oh, spoilers for the fight in the Ministry at the end of Order of the Phoenix.

Background (I really, don't think you need this, but hey, might as well clear up any confusion): Shinigami allied with Order. Hollows allied with the Morbid Munchies.

The Kid with the Football

The battle was raging all around them. Shinigami fought alongside the Order members, just as the Hollows fought alongside the Death Eaters (ironic much?). Spells and other attacks broke the stone amphitheater that surrounded all the forces in the Veil Room. Despite superior skills, the Order members were separated, scattered amongst their enemies and pressed by the shear numbers to defend.

Although Harry had tried to stay with Sirius, he'd been removed from the older man's side as his godfather turned to fight the Death Eaters, particularly his cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange.

With Neville at his side, Harry fought to find an area free of Voldemort's forces and allies in an attempt to remove the Prophecy from harm's path.

Just when he'd thought he'd succeeded, Lucius Malfoy appeared.

"Give me the Prophecy, Potter, and your little rebels may be graced with a quick death when the Dark Lord arrives."

"Never!"

The blond man shot a spell at Harry, which Neville intercepted. Thankfully, it was only a light curse meant to cause the other to dance continuously and had a relatively simple counter-curse. Unfortunately, Harry didn't know the counter, but in his desperation, gave Neville the orb in order to properly duel the Malfoy Lord.

Before any spells could be exchanged, Neville, tripping on some random object or another, dropped the glass ball, releasing the misty visage of a certain bug-eyed Divination teacher.

While the woman's mouth moved, not a word could be heard over the din of the fighting. Disappointed that he'd failed to completely protect the orb from Voldemort's forces, but reassured that no one would actually benefit from the release of the Prophecy, Harry began to return his attention to Malfoy Sr.

However, just as his gaze caught on his godfather, the Animagus was caught in the chest by an Avada Kedavra.

A ghoulish scream was ripped from Harry's throat as one of the Shinigami, the one with bright orange hair, attempted to prevent the man's body from entering the Veil. Due to the onslaught of various attacks at that precise moment, the other teen failed.

Suddenly, white noise filled Harry's ears as he semi-realized the death of his last true parental figure. Unknown to him, white noise filled everyone's ears at that moment.

After a few seconds that seemed an eternity to Harry, a small bespectacled figure appeared in the middle of the battle.

In a voice deceptive of the small body it emanated from, the child proclaimed with absolute certainty, "And the Perpetrator is…you!" Pointing dramatically at Ron, who was nowhere near the scene of the crime.

Complete silence engulfed the battlefield at that moment for the shear absurdity of that statement.

All the forces blinked in unison and turned to stare at their opponents with looks that asked if the child was truly sane, regardless that sanity was completely unnecessary for the use of magic.

Before any of the people and/or creatures could move, the small boy procured a football from some unknown space, only to launch it at incredible speeds towards Ron's head, breaking the red-head's nose.

Whatever damage the brains had caused the youngest male Weasley, apparently prompted him to confess.

"Yes! Yes! It was Ron Weasley, in the Dining Room with the Lead Pipe!"

The small boy who'd somehow managed to appear next to Ron and begin dragging the poor teen towards the Veil asked his rather girly earing, "Inspector Megure, did you get that? The perpetrator has confessed to his crime. Get the squad cars ready when I arrive with the man."

With that, the boy and Ron depart via the Veil, leaving the wizards and their respective allies to gaze after them, nonplussed.