Author's Note: The place where I work has had Christmas music playing for about a month and slow versions of White Christmas keep playing and IT GIVES ME FEELS OKAY.

As surprisingly happy as he had been to find out that his father had brought his ex-boyfriend with him to New York, and as well as their duet at the ice skating rink had gone, Kurt still didn't feel that comfortable with Blaine. He had broken his heart, and no amount of apologies was going to help him just get over it. He had hoped that after they talked on Thanksgiving, it would give him some sort of closure, but there was still a raw wound in his chest, constantly picked at with each thought of Blaine with some unknown boy.

He let it go for the time being, just happy to be able to spend the time with his dad when he thought he would be alone for the holiday. (Only in his head did he add Blaine's name to the reason he was happy.) He and Blaine cooked dinner and they ate to the cheerful sounds of the radio playing Christmas music. Against his will, Kurt found himself falling into the easy way he and Blaine had always been with each other, laughing and teasing, more careful now, neither sure what the limits were, while Burt looked on, looking vaguely smug. It wasn't long after they finished eating and were sitting around the table eating some store-bought pumpkin pie when Burt stretched, yawning.

"Well, kiddo, I'm going to go to bed," he said.


Burt shrugged, standing. "It's been a long day and I'm old."

"You're not that old," Kurt muttered as Burt passed him, pressing a kiss to the top of his son's head. Blaine was just watching them fondly, waving to Burt as he walked to Rachel's cordoned off 'room' and pulled the curtain shut. Kurt cleared his throat awkwardly. "I better start cleaning up this mess."

"Let me help," Blaine rushed to offer, standing and collecting the plates while Kurt stacked up the dishes. They washed the dishes, humming and singing along to the radio and nudging each other jokingly.

It was like it was supposed to be, before everything. This was supposed to be their future. Kurt's heart ached at the thought.

It still could be…

Without asking, Kurt started a pot of coffee before they started wiping down the counters and table. Once it was done, he poured a mug for each of them, automatically fixing Blaine's the way he knew he liked it. Blaine thanked him warmly, his eyes soft and moony in the way he had looked at Kurt before.

"Let's go into the living room," Kurt said quietly, mindful of his father sleeping not far away. Blaine nodded in agreement and they settled on the couch, a respectful distance between them. They got caught up with each other and it was so easy, so simple to just fall into that familiar rhythm of them. Somehow they moved closer and closer until their legs were touching. Blaine was telling a hilarious story, and Kurt's whole body ached with missing him, missing this.

After he finished talking, they fell silent, sipping from their mugs and trying to ignore the tension between them, different, more wanting than before, as the radio continued to play softly in the background.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart

Kurt tensed at the lyrics, flashes of Blaine handing him a box and him being so sure it was going to be an engagement ring. What was really in there was just as precious, but he had been so young and naïve then. If I knew then what I know now...

"I'm going to go to bed," Kurt said, jumping up and hurrying to shut the radio off. "You can join me whenever."

Blaine looked confused. "I thought I was going to sleep on the couch?"

"Like I would put my worst enemy through that torture," Kurt retorted, rolling his eyes. "We can share a bed; it's not a big deal." It was - it was a huge deal - but Kurt wanted the familiar smell of Blaine around him when he fell asleep.

"Oh- Okay. I'll just change in the bathroom," Blaine stuttered. He grabbed his bag and headed that way while Kurt went to his 'room' and quickly got changed after turning off all of the lights in the loft. He was just lying down when he saw the bob of Blaine's cell phone light through his curtain. It brightened when he lifted it up and stepped past it. His face was mostly shadowed but Kurt could tell he was smiling awkwardly in his direction.

Kurt swept his arm out to the other side of the bed, inviting Blaine to lay down.

This was a terrible idea.

They lay there in the silence for several minutes, stiff and awkward.

Fuck it.

He was glad that Rachel's room was on the other side of the loft and that it had been a few hours since his dad had gone to bed because he moaned obscenely the moment his lips touched Blaine's.

The fire, the spark, everything that he had been missing since he left Lima and Blaine, was there, shooting like lightning through his whole body. He could feel himself trembling as Blaine fisted his hair, his free arm curling around Kurt's waist and holding him against the firm warmth of his chest. The kiss was feverish, teeth clacking and too much spit, their tongues sloppy against each other as they tore at each other's clothes, trying to remove any obstacle between them as quickly as possible. Blaine let out a hiss the moment their bare chests touched and pulled back, trying to look at Kurt through the darkness of the loft.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he panted.

"I want you; that's all that matters," Kurt replied, shoving off his pants as he dived in for another kiss, nipping at Blaine's bottom lip and making him groan. Blaine rolled them over and hovered over Kurt.

"Even after-"

"Stop trying to ruin the moment and fuck me," Kurt interrupted, pushing insistently at Blaine's pajama bottoms. They pooled around his ankles until he kicked them off and then there was nothing to keep their skin from touching. Blaine rolled his hips down against Kurt's, biting his lip as he looked down at Kurt, whose eyes had closed, his mouth open as he moaned lowly. "Fuck, Blaaaaaaaine."

"How- What do you want?" he stuttered, leaning in to nip at Kurt's collarbone.

Kurt gasped before opening his eyes and staring up at Blaine. He seemed to think about it for a long moment before he caught and held Blaine's eyes. "I want you to to fuck me."

"God, yes," Blaine moaned, thrusting harder against Kurt just to hear his breath hitch. "Where-" But Kurt was already moving away, fumbling with his nightstand drawer and coming up with a bottle and a condom. He handed them to Blaine, who felt like smirking when he noticed that the bottle of lube was mostly empty.

"I missed you, shut up," Kurt growled, rolling his eyes.

"I didn't say a word."

"No, you just thought it very loudly."

They giggled, feeling like they were silly teenagers in lo-

He stopped that thought before it could go any further and maneuvered them so that they were lying on their sides next to each other and Kurt's leg was hooked over his hip. They kissed, their lips barely parting from each other as Blaine worked Kurt open, stretching his hole with slick fingers until Kurt was panting against his lips and fucking backwards onto them.

"Please, Blaine, please," he gasped, fumbling to roll the condom onto Blaine's cock. "Please don't make me wait, need you, want- mmph!"

Blaine sealed their lips together, desperate for Burt not to hear them having sex. He poured more lube on his hand and stroked it up and down his cock, moaning at the feeling. Kurt started to change position when Blaine stopped him. "Wait, there's something I want to try."

Curious, Kurt allowed their bodies to be untangled and Blaine sat up, crossing his legs in front of him. He helped Kurt move until he was in Blaine's lap with his legs around his waist and his arms wrapped around Blaine's shoulders. He lifted himself up on Blaine's request and then slowly sank down as Blaine held his cock steady, his body open and desperate to be filled again. The stretch was delicious, making his eyes roll back and his jaw drop.

"Fuck, Blaine…"

They had never tried this position before and it was so much; Kurt felt fuller than he ever had before, his ass clenching around Blaine as he adjusted.

"God, Kurt, you feel so good."

Blaine tilted his head up and Kurt tilted his down and their lips met in a sweet kiss as they slowly rocked against each other. They took their time, working themselves into a frenzy as their slow kisses became faster and more heated, arousal pooling in their bellies so slowly that neither realized they were close until it hit them all at once.

"Kurt- fuck- can I-"

"Oh god, yes, please-"

Hands gripping Kurt's trim waist, he guided him up and down, helping him ride Blaine's cock. Kurt's short, blunt nails dug into his shoulders as he whimpered, pressing their foreheads together. Their lips came together over and over as they worked themselves to the edge, but they always parted before long, gasping against each other's lips, trying to keep themselves quiet. Kurt reached between them to stroke his cock as Blaine lifted Kurt, pounding into him roughly. Blaine bit his own lip as he came in the condom and Kurt followed quickly, spurting over their chests and his own fist with a small cry.

They stayed pressed together for a moment, but when Blaine lifted his head to kiss Kurt again, he pulled off, wincing as Blaine's cock slipped out of him. "Uh, look, Blaine, this-"

"Don't say it was a mistake, Kurt," Blaine whispered, crossing his arms protectively over his chest and looking away.

"No, that's not what I was going to say." He watched Blaine pull the condom off and wrap it in a tissue before grabbing two more, handing one to Kurt and using the other to wipe off his own chest. "This was wonderful, but I- it doesn't mean we're together again."

Blaine stiffened, carefully wrapping the sullied tissue around the one with the condom and looking around awkwardly for the trash can. "Of course it doesn't." His voice was emotionless and he stood, taking Kurt's dirty tissue and striding across the room to the bin to throw them away. "I'll go sleep on the couch if you want me to."

"I want you not to be upset; can you understand where I'm coming from?" Kurt pleaded, willing Blaine to understand. He tugged on his pajamas, shivering in the cool air of the apartment; Blaine's back was stiff and Kurt was pretty sure only a part of that was from their conversation.

"Yeah, I understand." It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt was left unspoken between them as Blaine forced a smile on his lips and put his clothes back on. Kurt waited until he crawled back in bed before trying again.

"I want us to be friends again, Blaine. Please? Because that's what I really need right now, my best friend."

Blaine shifted until he was facing Kurt and let out a sigh. "You're right; I just wish you would have talked to me first. I don't regret what we did," he rushed to add before Kurt could say anything, "I just wish you would have made your intentions a bit more clear."

Kurt leaned in, kissing his forehead and moving back to settle in his spot. "You're right and I'm sorry. I promise not to do that again."

"Thank you."

They lay there in silence for a moment. "Can we still cuddle?"

"Oh, god, please, yes."