A/N: Holy shit, it's been so long! But since it's Valentines day, I'm uploading a new chapter! But first, let me say something:

Okay, I want to thank all those ever so lovely people who have favoured and followed this story. And special thanks for all who have left me a review! I'm seriously so happy to have all that good feedback and I'm so happy to know there's people who want to read my work. So really, thank you - all of you! Even those who just read this. :3

Also, thank you for your patience, I'm lazy as fuck and can't get anything done. So, slow updates coming in future too.

Disclaimer: South Park = not mine

Notice: I would also like to point out that Craig's sisters name have never been mentioned in SP, I'm just going with Ruby, since it's probably the most common one. Oh, and also, there's never stated whose mother Craig's grandmother is, so meh, it's all just me. Same with the rest of Tucker family and stuff.


I hated our front door. It was one of those difficult ones. Those you needed to push and then give a harsh tuck before they would budge. And it was those ones that wouldn't want to settle back close, oh no, you needed to pull it upwards while closing it and if you were very lucky, it would hit it's spot and stay closed. But beside the fact I hated it, it was really nice door.

I stepped through that just mentioned door and fought it back close behind me. I threw my jacket and other stuff I didn't need inside, on the floor, not caring to even try to put it nicely on it's place.

" Oi, son! Come 're", was the first thing I heard after shedding my jacket. It was my father, his voice raspy from last night drinking and now probably from very painful hangover.

I grunted, letting him know I was listening while making my way to the living room. Like expected, my father was still lying on our sofa, hand over his face and shirt collar messed with his own drool and vomit.

" Go get me some painkillers, boy", he groaned, sounding so miserable that I almost felt bad for him. Almost, only almost. Now he could only make me pity him enough to fetch him his pills.

Because, you know, I didn't hate him. No, not at all. He could be good father if he wanted - he could try, but mostly he didn't. He was tired - too tired to try. Couldn't really hate him for that. But it was definitely his own fault - and that made it his own problem.

I didn't hate my father, yes, but mostly, my mother did. The romance - or whatever - they had when they met was long dead and buried six feet under the ground. There was barely nothing that held them together - only their dear children they didn't want to mess up with divorce. But since humans are stupid, they just couldn't realize their forced relationship was destroying family more than any break up would.

It would be so much better if they lived under different roof. Even easier would be, if I hated one of them. Then it would be very easy and simple. I could just walk up on the one I didn't hate and be: " Oh, hey, you know; the other one is awful parent. Let's just dump him - or her, depending on which one I hated - and start a better live without him - or her."

But still, I didn't hate them - not my mother nor my father. I just hated them together.

I trotted to the kitchen to get dad his painkillers and a glass of water - just to be nice: for all I cared he would have deserved to swallow his pills dry.

" Here", I said handing him the stuff I got for him. For reward I got silent 'thanks' and genuinely grateful look. With a sigh I ran my hand through my hairs and made my way back to kitchen.

I had only came back home to feed Stripe - otherwise I could have just stayed at Tweek's place for god knows how long. Specially when there was a promise of family reunion for Christmas. But since I doubted it was a realistic possibility to move in with Tweek right now, I just settled to drag myself back home. Atleast I got Stripe waiting for me.

I cut a small bowl of tomatoes for Stripe and made my way to stairs. Soon as I stepped on a creaking one, I could hear welcoming little whoops and squawks and tiny paws running around a cage, probably making a huge mess while doing so. Feeding time always managed to get my old piggie excited.

Smile crept on my lips as I kneeled down in front of Stripe's cage and opened the barred door. Stripe was already halfway out before I even managed to offer him his food. I couldn't help but coo little bit for my baby, as he stole slice of tomato from my fingers and ran to his cottage to eat, only to return after short moment with tomato smears over his furry chin.


I blocked the mechanic beeping with my headphones and turned volume up. The beeping came from our car. The poor vehicle was trying to tell my boneheaded dad to but the seat belt on. But it was only making success to piss of my mother who was currently seated behind the driving wheel and make the atmosphere even more unpleasant than it already was.

Like promised, my mother took us to celebrate the Christmas to her mother. Don't get me wrong, I liked my grandma, she was cool. But all the other siblings of mine were just bunch of dickheads. And for all, it wasn't like I really knew anyone of them. I saw them, like once in a five years, not even then if I could avoid it.

" Okay, now, for the last time Thomas: Put your seatbelt on! I'm not listening this- this sound any longer!" mom bellowed loud enough to be heard even through chorus of some overly popular mass product crap I was listening. I could hear dad mumbling something faintly over my music, but when I glanced at direction of front seats, I could see him obligating, ending finally the sound.

It was probably completely silent for couple of minutes- it was hard to tell since my ears we blocked by my headphones - but then my mother found something to talk about. Of course, since my dad and mom couldn't handle civilized conversation for too long, they soon managed to start full blown argument. About what? I couldn't hear it through my way too loud turned music.

I kind of felt bad for Ruby. My sis was sitting on backseat with me, typing on her phone. But since she had lost - or broke, hell if I know - her headphones, she didn't have anything to turn our parents out. She was sitting her legs propped on the middle seat, back leaned against door.

My pose was similar to hers, I had only stretched my legs on the floor and I was actually leaning my head back against the cold car window.

The worst part of this whole fucking trip wasn't that I wasn't going to see my friends - Tweek... - in days, my parents were just doing lovely together or that I was forced to be in same room with my siblings: no, it was that I needed to leave Stripe home. Sure I got Clyde and Token to take care of him for time I was away, but they were more interested in my promise to use my stuff freely. It included my laptop, Xbox, TV and all other things they wanted to use. But of course, most of my things needed to be found and hacked open first.

But fuck that, it wouldn't chance the facts I would miss Stripe. Don't question me about this subject. I loved that ol' piggie enough to have his pic as my phones wallpaper.

The car hit some bump on the road and made my head smash against the window I was leaning. Groaning I cracked my eyes open to witness my mother making rather aggressive turn on a gas station.

" Everyone out of the car!" she said, turning to glare us, " We're going to get something to eat and then we'll continue. Nothing else. That's better be clear, because I'm already at edge because someone couldn't act mature."

Father let out annoyed snort and rolled out of the car with his beer belly.

" That sounds so nice", I muttered, sarcasm leaking out of my tone, while I freed myself from seatbelt.


Evening had already darkened the horizon when my mother pulled the car on grandma's yard. Through the quiet snowfall, grandma's house windows shined their warm light, illuminating the otherwise dark yard and tempting us to hurry inside.

Before ringing the doorbell, mom gave us all last warning about behavior, letting her eyes rest on me little bit longer than necessary. I stuffed my hands on my hoodie pockets and kicked the snow underneath my shoes huffing.

" Oh, my, you're finally here!" was the first thing my grandma said as she opened the door for us. Grey haired woman seemed to shrink even more from last time I saw her, but her eyes still held the same glint as always.

She greeted all of us with a big hug, leaving me last on purpose. She did it because she always wanted to give me little bit extra attention. And that was simply because I was her favourite grandchildren - Ruby was just after me in the list - and I knew it, she never kept it from me. Since I was oldest one, it wasn't wonder she was fond of me: first childrens always got that on their advantage. Also, according to what she said, I got some spirit in me and I was actually reminding her about herself when she younger. Even if that was hard to believe while seeing her overly kind and all the grandma like smile. But who knows.

And since my cousins were just punch of annoying little kiddies, it wasn't wonder she favored me and Ruby over them. And of course, I loved her just as much back.

" My dear boy, you have grown from last time! Are you already taller than your father?" grandma asked after releasing me from her hug, holding me in arm lent to observe my appearance. I just shrugged, bothering to gave her rather sweet smile. And just for all to know, I'm not going to do that shit again this year.


I escaped from dining table to answer my phone.

It was second time this evening really. First time it had been very annoyed Clyde, demeaning my laptop password and location of my Xbox controllers. But this time it turned out to be Tweek who was calling. I picked up with a half curious grunt.

" Oh God Craig! What have you told to my parents?" Tweek let out a squawk, voice high from what I assumed what was stress. I let out questioning mumble, because, really, I couldn't really put my fingers on what Tweek was talking about.

" What have you told my parents?" Tweek repeated the question, voice raising in a high pitched whimper. I could almost see him clinging onto his hairs and tearing them from their roots.

" Chill man, what you're going on 'bout?" I asked, wandering around grandma's living room. Tweek let out couple of heavy breaths, probably trying to calm down. I could hear his breath waver and shake.

" Okay, you calm now? So what's wrong?" I asked after Tweek had calmed down a little. At least he wasn't breathing as fast as a rabbit hiding from hunting dogs, anymore.

If it was any other of my friends calling me and sounding like that, I would have assumed they had just gotten home their whole family murdered, but since it was Tweek, it could be anything from murder to I-don't-know spider in his bathtub...? Or something.

It took some time from Tweek to actually to get the explaining going, since it was awfully lots of pressure, like I was informed at least couple of times in one sentence.

But when I finally got something useful out of Tweeks rambling, I couldn't help but laugh. And for fuck sake, I did laugh.

" It's not funny! They chased me around the house asking about my boyfriend and what we do during nights!" Tweek was practically screaming, but it was too funny in some sick way to stop my laugher.

" Calm, Tweek calm", I told him, voice as casual as I could muster in my amusement, " I think I might have told your parents we slept together."

At that the line went dead silent. I even checked if Tweek had ended the call, but apparently he had just went silent with shock. Or maybe he had fainted.

" Tweeky? Y' still there?" I asked after while. Great... I might have just killed the love of my live. I flopped down onto nearby loveseat and propped my legs on coffee table.

Silent gah let me know that Tweek was still at least breathing. I waited patiently to my blondie to recover from the news.

" Why did you tell them that?" Tweek rasped out, sounding like he was having a heart attack.

" Seriously Spazzy, take it easy", I couldn't help the mischievous smirk of mine - was it wrong to enjoy this situation? Probably. I was still kind of proud that I had gotten Tweek's parents so good.

" I didn't lie to them, did I? We slept in a same bed. It's their fault taking it wrong"

" Gah! Craig! Just- just - just fuck you!" Oh, my, Tweek sounded almost angry. His breath was ragged, angry huffs.

But I knew I wasn't in trouble. I never was. People knew I was an asshole. It was kinda You-know-the-consequences-it's-on-your-own-responsibility - deal. It didn't came out as a surprise if I pulled out stunts like this one. And yet people decided to spent time with me.

" Aw, man, calm down a bit", I whined, trying to cover my still blooming amusement, " But hey, maybe you shouldn't keep shouting 'bout fucking since that seems to be the whole issue here."

" Craig!" Tweek moaned into the phone, sounding like a dying cat.

" What? I'm not the one with problem."

" This is the last time I'm letting you alone with my parents...", Tweek muttered.

" Good idea, I'm pretty sure your parents would murder me with something if you left me alone with 'em", I joked again, grinning like a madman. Seriously, Tweek was just plain hilarious sometimes.

" Maybe I'll murder you personally", Tweek suggested, his still high pitch of his voice from the stress ruining the threat.

" Yeah, sure, you do that", I answered, keeping my voice teasing, " Maybe you should try to smash my head with your thermos."

" Maybe I'll just pour hot coffee on you instead", Tweek sighed, giving up trying to sound mad. Spazzy let out a small chuckle and I could almost see him shaking his head.

" Ouch, man, you're so cruel...", I grinned again, Tweek's laugh in my ears.