P. S. If this is Ziva

Chapter 3

AN: Thank you for all you wonderful reviews and well wishes for my health. I love the waterfall of reviews and followers. Please let me know if I am on track with my Tiva story. Normally I write Gibbs as the romantic.


Previously on P.S. if this is Ziva

Once again she returned to the message he had left her. He did not know about her pregnancy and after a year he still loved her. She grabbed the phone and once again dialed his number. She was not sure what she would say if he answered but it was the time of day in the US that he would be at work. She waited as it rang 3 times but his time someone answered. "Hello Ziver"

It was Gibbs. She started to hang up but then she panicked. Why Gibbs would be answering the phone he used only for her. "Hello Gibbs." She said quietly "Is Tony ok?"

"No, Ziver. He is still passed out. I came over here last night and he was passed out drunk. He was watching the Sound of Music and drinking bourbon."

"Really? Why?"

"Did you not realize what yesterday was? One year ago he left you at the airport. He misses you kiddo."

"He got drunk because of her. He really must love me," she thought. "Gibbs is he dating anyone?"

"No, if you want to know anything else you have to talk to him."

Ziva could hear her son beginning to awaken on the baby monitor. "I have to go Gibbs. Please do not tell him I called."

"I won't lie to him Ziver. If he asked I will tell him but if he does not ask I will respect your wishes. You need to talk to him though. "

"I know that Gibbs," she replied. "I will call him I promise." She hung up and went to check on the babies.

Gibbs hung out and immediately called McGee hoping he was able to get a trace. If he did then things could be looking up 1for his Senior Field Agent.


After changing the babies and got them playing with their mobiles, Ziva sat thinking in the rocking chair near the twins cribs. "He got drunk and passed out," she whispered. "I hope he is ok." Ziva walked over to a small table between the babies cribs. She picked it up and stared into the dark green eyes of the babies' father. She had taken this picture just after they had buried her I will statement. She remembered that day. It was the first time they had made love. She had always believed that was the moment the twins were conceived.


She had turned from patting the shovel on top of the pile of dirt over her now new dreams. She had left one I will statement off that list. One she did not want him to know about. She wanted to be Tony's life partner. She loved him so much it hurt to think that she was going to have to let him leave her. She was broken and did not know where to turn. She knew that if she returned with him to Washington with him as much as she wanted to she would return to her old life. She wanted to put the life of the cold Mossad killer away. She wanted to be that special young girl again. One that had not seen what she had seen. She knew Tony would help her achieve that. But she wanted to, had to do it on her own.

Tony walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist. "Penny for your thoughts," he whispered. They talked. He tried to convince her to come back to Washington with him. She could not. She did not want to be pulled back into her old life. She loved him, she knew that now. She was not worthily of being loved yet. She had to find herself. Be the woman he deserved.

They returned to the house and silently make dinner. They moved in sink in the kitchen just like they had been together for years. Well they had been almost eight years. Tony set the table and Ziva brought the food to the table and they sat down opposite each other and began to eat.

"I don't want you to go, "she mumbled. "I so want to ask you to stay."

"All you have to do is ask. I'll call Gibbs and resign from NCIS. I only want to be with you Zi."

"I cannot do that, Tony. I have to find out who I am first. You deserve the best me I can be and I do not know who that is just yet."

Tony leaned across the table. He cupped her face between his hands and began to kiss her face. "I know who you are. You are my Nija. I know you, Ziva. You are the best woman I have ever known. I love you, Zi."

"I love you too, Tony. But that does not change the fact Tony that I am broken. My father created a monster. A monster, who kills people. You deserve better than me. Gibbs deserves a better daughter than me. I cannot go back to Washington like this."

Tony pulled away and looked at her in shock. "I will do anything for you Zi. "

"I know Tony. I have to do this on my own. I have to make you and Gibbs proud of me."

Tony kissed her this time softly on the lips. "I am proud of you Zi. I want to show you how I feel. Please let me make real love to you. Not like when we were undercover. I loved you then but now I am in love with you."

Ziva smiled and put her arms around his neck and Tony flashed his hopeful grin. She nodded. She knew she wanted this. She knew it was wrong because she would still have to send him away but she wanted this now.

Food long forgotten the couple began kissing slow and passionately. Tony picked her up bridal style and carried her to the bedroom. He placed her gently down on the bed. "You sure about this," he whispered into her ear.

Ziva smiled and nodded. "I do not know much about what I want but I want this Tony. I want you. I need to know you still want me despite all I have done, all I have seen. I just want to feel like a real woman. Can you do that?"

"I'll do my best," he said lovingly.

"Really, at a time like this your ego leaves you. I trust you Tony. I know you will do more that your best." She giggled and then she began kissing him as his hand began to remove her clothing.

End of Flashback.

Ziva touched the picture. She remembered every touch, every kiss, every caress and the passion he brought up in her. She missed him more than she realized. She then turned and looked into the cribs at her three month old twins. Both of them had his eyes and her son had his father's personality and grin. Even at three months she could see that Anton was his father made over and his sister had her coloring but she had anyone who encountered herwrapped around her finger in an instant. Ziva picked up her daughter Annie and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you both my darling but you daddy will totally adore you both. I cannot keep you from him any longer. I just do not know how he will accept that I did not tell him about you. I am counting on both of you to win him over." She placed Annie down in the crib with her brother. The two were always so cute together but at this moment they chose to turn to each other and wrapped their arms around each other and smiled. It was as if they were planning what to do when they met their father. Ziva could not help but laugh at them both.


Tony woke up in his bed. He did not remember coming in and lying down. He was covered with a blanket. His mouth was dry and felt like he had swallowed a whole bottle of cotton. He managed to sit up even though his head was pounding and he noticed Gibbs jacket lying across the large easy chair that had been moved in from the living room. Then Tony remembered talking to Gibbs on the phone before he took that first drink. "You were right Boss, "he whispered.

"I'm always right but what about this time." Gibbs replied from the doorway.

"It did not remove the memories from my brain. It made it worse." Tony admitted. "Now I have a hell of a hangover and I'm here with you and not her."

"I told you that would be the case. I told you I would be here to hold the barf bucket." Gibbs smirked. "Feel like some coffee."

"That might help and a couple of aspirin." Tony replied. "My head is pounding." Tony looked around the bed for his phone.

"You looking for this, DiNozzo." Gibbs handed him the blue blackberry. Tony quickly looked at the missed calls. Gibbs had cleared them out. No since torturing him until she called for real. Gibbs could see the pain on Tony's face. "She didn't call Tony. She's trying to find herself. She may never call."

"I know Boss. But the heart wants what the heart wants." Gibbs smiled and walked out of the room to pour his friend a large cup of coffee and then returned with it and two aspirin.

Tony took the aspirin and then drunk the coffee down. He looked at his watch. "Why aren't you at work Boss?"

"McGee knows where I am? He is going to call if we get a call. My place is here."

Tony felt weak and helpless. Why was he so torn up over a woman? He had not felt like this with Wendy or Jennie. "I'm fine Boss. Go to work. I'm not going to drink anymore. You're right drinking does not work."

"Well, what are you going to do? You can't just give up on her now DiNozzo."

"Don't know Boss. I know loving her is my only option now. I tried the finding her and she stayed away. I just have to hope that my love will bring her back to me."Tony admitted. Gibbs walked over to him and put his hand on Tony's shoulder.

"If it is meant for you to be together Tony she will be back. I know that. She is alive so you have a chance to get her back. Remember that."He placed a small head slap on the back of his hung over son. Deep inside he prayed that Tim would find her and he could go and bring his daughter back for his son.

It was like on cue that his phone rang. It was Tim. "Gibbs," he answered quickly.

"Boss, how's Tony?"

"He's awake and extremely hung over. We got a case."

"Sort of Boss. I found that person of interest you wanted me to find." Tim told him.

"Get me the information. I'm on my way in." Gibbs answered curtly and then hung up his phone.

"Got a case. I can come in if you need me" he replied trying to stand up but falling back down on the bed. He was wobbly and his knees were very weak.

"You stay here DiNozzo and sleep it off. I'll call you if you're needed." Gibbs told him. "You start a planning what you are going to do to fix your problem."

Gibbs then turned and walked out the door. As he closed the door behind him he hoped he could convince Ziva to come to back to Tony. They belonged together.


Gibbs arrived at the Bull Pen in almost ten minutes. He exited the elevator with the words. "What do you have for me McGee?"

"She's still at the home where she was born. She never left there after Tony left her." Tim reported. Just then Leon Vance entered the room with a huge smile on his face.

"Got you a transport Gibbs. You leave for Israel in an hour. You have just enough time to pack and board." Vance smiled.

"So you are in on this two Leon."

"Well why wouldn't I have realized it was one year ago that he came back without out her?" he replied. "They deserve each other and if anyone can convince her to come back and face him it is you."

Gibbs nodded. He started toward the elevator where he was greeted by Abby coming out of the double doors. "Gibbs, Gibbs are you going to bring Ziva back to us?"

"I'm going to try Abby."

"Well, tell her we all love her. Tell her how much she is missed and tell her how heartsick Tony is without her." Abby rambled.

"I will tell her what she needs to hear Abby." Gibbs kissed her on the forehead. "Take care of Tony until I get back."

"What do we tell him about where you have gone, Boss?" McGee asked.

"Tell him I am on a mission that came up all of a sudden and I will explain it all later." Gibbs replied as the elevator door closed leaving the entire team staring at the light as the elevator descended to the car park.


Gibbs had slept a little on the transport and was awakened by the jolt of the plane landing at the Tel Aviv airport. He was greeted by a driver from NCIS that drove him out to the house where McGee had told him Ziva would be. "Wait here for just a minute." Gibbs told the driver. "I'm not planning on leaving here but she may have sensed I was coming. She is a very well trained agent."

Gibbs got his duffle back out of the back seat and headed for the door. As he neared the door he could hear the sound of babies screaming inside. Gibbs could not help but smile. So that was the reason she had not contacted Tony, she had been kind of busy. Gibbs knocked on the door loudly enough to be heard over the crying. He was greeted by a frazzled haired very tired Ziva. She was holding two screaming babies one in each arm. Both babies looked like they were running fevers. She was shocked when she saw Gibbs. She was expecting her Aunt Nettie. "Gibbs? "She said quietly.

"Looks like you could use a hand there Ziver." Upon seeing Gibbs, her tiredness took over and she burst into tears. Gibbs reached out and took one of the babies from her and began to slowly rock him in his arms. It was almost like Anton sensed that Gibbs was his grandfather and he settled down immediately.

Ziva turned and walked into the house tears still streaming down her face. She plopped down in the rocking chair and began to rock her daughter. "How did you find me?" She looked down at little Annie Marie and smiled as she was going to sleep. "Let me guess McGee and Abby." He nodded. "Do they know about these two?"

Gibbs sat down in the easy chair next to her and Anton snuggled into his grandfather's arms. "Nope. This was a surprise. You have to call him now Ziva. He needs to know about these two. I can assume they are his." She nodded. "Both have ear infections."She nodded again.

"He is never going to forgive me for not telling him," she said quietly.

"Granted he will be upset but he will forgive you quickly I am sure of that." Gibbs told her.

"Can I get some rest first Abba?" Ziva asked.

"I think that might be a good idea." He stood up and walked to the door and waved at the driver. "Right now let's get these two feeling better and then I am taking you home." Ziva nodded. She knew that he was right. This was not news Tony needed to hear on the phone. She had to see him in person.

Gibbs bent down and kissed her forehead. "So what are my grandchildren's names?"

"You are holding Anton Jethro and I have Annie Marie DiNozzo." Ziva smiled through her tears.

AN: Please let me know what you think. I live for your reviews and suggestions. I am leaving for New Mexico for Christmas tomorrow so I may not get another chapter up for a couple of days. My mother likes to talk so I don't get much writing done. Also I have other stories that require attention. Also my granddaughter will be back with me so my soon to be 8 month old requires my attention.