The Dark Pit Show. A TV Show that has swept the Internet by storm. Entertaining thousands across the globe, from angels to humans to even gods. The only explanation is that its creators must be geniuses. Finely-tuned to the art of humor, boldly and meticulously crafting each episode.
So the question is...what are these young and experienced creators up to now? Honing their talents? Painstakingly scripting out episode after episode?
Well...let us see.
Three angels were laying on the Dark Pit Show's stage. All were intently playing their 3DS', a smattering of DS cartridges scattered across the floor. A couple of Wii U cases were gathering in the corners, a good room or so away from the actual Wii U.
"Hey Pittoo," spoke the white-winged angel, not even looking up from his 3DS.
"Yeah?" asked his dark doppelgänger.
"When was the last time we played a video game on The Dark Pit Show?"
"Hmm...that's a good question, Pit-Stain. I'd say...probably the Minecraft episode."
"Holy gods!" Despite his clear surprise, Pit still didn't look up. "That was like, forever ago!"
"Ha. You tell me."
"...Do you think we should play one?" the third angel suggested, mashing the buttons on her 3DS. "Our video game episodes have been pretty well-received."
"I dunno. I guess." Many moments of silence went past before Dark Pit spoke again. "Which game are you thinking about?"
"Hmm…" The three angels, all playing on the same devices, seemed ponderous. "Like...a computer game?"
"Or a Wii U game?" Pit added.
"I feel like there's something right in front of our faces that would be the ultimate answer to this question," Dark Pit responded.
"Yeah…" Shadmé agreed. "Can't quite place my finger on it…"
"I got it!" Pit said with a grin. "You're talking about a Game Boy game, right?"
"Well… Pit…" Shadmé said with a grumble, "I don't think a camera would do a very good job at picking up a Game Boy's screen, now would it?"
"Plus, who even plays those anymore?" snorted Dark Pit.
"Hey now, mister! Do you even care about your heritage?" Shadmé rolled her eyes. "I can play Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters on a Game Boy Color!"
"But the question is...do you?"
The dark angel blushed. "Um...I never got past the first world, so…"
"Back to the topic at hand," Pit interrupted, trying to resolve the budding argument, "we still need to pick a game to play. And get the equipment out to record. And gather the audience. And write a script. And-"
"Man, we used to spend weeks preparing each episode, huh?" Shadmé groaned.
"Yup. But it's worth it." Dark Pit's response was serious and to the point.
"Alright, alright. Let's just pick out a game. How about the three of us name the last three games we played, and pick a game from the resulting cesspool. Pit, you go first."
Pit smiled. "I last played Smash Bros., Splatoon and Kirby: Planet Robobot."
Dark Pit spoke next. "I played Smash Bros., Fire Emblem: Conquest, and Mario and Sonic at the Rio-whatever-games."
Finally, Shadmé contributed her games: "Fire Emblem: Revelations, Kid Icarus: Uprising, and Tomodachi Life."
The three pondered their options for a small while. There was no need for debate. The answer was obvious. As one, they snapped their 3DS' closed, turned towards each other, and shouted, "POKÉMON GO!"
A few minutes later...
"Hey guys, welcome to this unscripted, unfiltered version of the Dark Pit Show!" The camera wobbled as its holder, Pit, was walking backwards, filming Dark Pit and Shadmé. Though the bumpiness was mostly due to the movement, it was also due in part to Pit not focusing his full attention on it. He was looking down at his phone and trying his hardest to catch a Pidgeotto.
"This episode," Dark Pit continued, "We're not on stage. Imagine that." Indeed, the three were wandering around the serene setting of early morning Skyworld. The sky swirled between a mix of light blue and light orange as the sun rose higher.
"We also don't have an audience," Shadmé said with a frown. "What are we, YouTubers?"
Pit and Dark Pit cast devilish grins at each other. Shadmé didn't notice, because she was, of course, also looking down at her phone.
"So why don't we tell our lovely viewers about our progress?" Pit asked. "Our teams, our starters, and all that."
"Oh goodness, like we need to fan the flames of the team rivalries," Dark Pit groaned.
"It's quite literally just a color," Shadmé pointed out. "I don't get what all the bickering is about."
"Says the Mystic!" Pit grunted. "You guys have all the gyms!"
"We found the flustered Instinct," Shadmé joked.
"I appreciate the infighting going on," Dark Pit chuckled. "Makes it easier for Valor to take over."
"Pittoo!" Pit protested. "I thought you just said teams didn't matter!"
"Sure, I may have said that, but I was bored by the thought of it two seconds later," his doppelgänger replied. "Seriously. This is hilarious."
"Anyway…" Shadmé interrupted. "There's a street coming up. Heads up. Don't get knocked over by a pedestrian. You both are aware that the only reason I'm issuing this warning is because it's happened before, correct?"
"Don't remind me," grumbled Dark Pit. He actually seemed a tad embarrassed.
"There was a Meowth!" Pit retorted with no shame.
"Alright, here we go!" As soon as the three angels looked away from their phones and at the street instead, there were no mishaps.
"Pokémon GO is a game that's taken the world by storm," Dark Pit introduced the subject, just in case the audience needed a briefing. But due to the fact that his audience was mostly video game-loving teens and addicted divinities, it was more than likely unnecessary. Despite that… "In this Pokemon-themed app game, the app tracks the user's motions via GPS, and Pokemon pop up for you to capture and collect. There is also a Pokemon Gym feature where you fight the Pokemon belonging to others. If you win, you can claim the gym in name of the team you've selected- the aforementioned Valor, Mystic and Instinct."
"Some people-" Shadmé flashed a look at Dark Pit- "Take this game hyper-seriously and run around all day hunting for Pokemon over and over so they can evolve and fight as many gyms as possible."
"Some losers," Dark Pit joked back, "are more interested in catching Pokemon and giving them all adorable little nicknames."
"The goal of Pokemon is 'Gotta Catch 'Em All, is it not?" Shadmé complained. "And don't look at me! Pit does it too!"
"I've caught so many Rattata that I just started naming them all after food items!" Pit chipped in. "This one's Hamburger, I call this one Popsicle… and we can't forget good old Waffle!"
"What does it matter?" Dark Pit shrugged. "Even if you spend so much time coddling and training up one Pokemon, there's always a chance you'll find a better one that outclasses it and renders all your work useless."
"Your cold words pierce the hearts of all forty-one Rattatas I own!" retorted Pit.
"Let me guess, you don't transfer them, either?"
"Alright, alright, cool it," Shadmé interrupted, breaking up the oncoming argument. "We all play Pokémon GO differently. That's the fun of it! There's no quote-unquote 'correct' way to play. We just all have fun."
Pit nodded his head in agreement. Dark Pit merely narrowed his eyes. "...There's more to this, isn't there?"
"IT'S ALL A CONSPIRACY! THEY WANT US TO GET OUTSIDE MORE AND MAKE FRIENDS-"
"Yup, enough from you." Dark Pit shoved Shadmé with his shoulder.
"So what do we do now, Pittoo?" Pit questioned.
"We go on a quest," the dark angel declared. "The first one to find or get a Charizard wins."
"Are you kidding me?" Shadmé groaned. "I started off with Charmander, but all the same, it's my only one!"
"I hatched a Charmander once," Pit added.
"Too bad for you guys. Game on!" Dark Pit looked up like he was going to run off cackling maniacally, but instead had to redirect his direction to avoid running into the street.
Shadmé watched him go. "Hey, Pit," she whispered.
"I know where a Charmander nest might be. Palutena told me about it."
"Well, that's convenient," Pit chuckled.
"Yeah, except for the fact that it's allegedly placed in a very inaccessible location," Shadmé grumbled. "I'll bet you anything it's like 'You have to climb onto a roof' or something."
"It'll be worth it," Pit said, grinning. "Hey, do you think Lady Palutena's out here somewhere?"
"Probably," Shadmé agreed. "You call her and tell her to meet us."
"Great, great. But where exactly are we?"
"Uh-" the two angels looked up from their phones, blinking. Truthfully, they'd just been wandering aimlessly.
"Well, er...does telling her there's a Pokestop nearby help at all?" Shadmé wondered.
"This is nuts! Why don't we have a map?"
The irony was lost on both angels.
Both whirled around to see Viridi walking towards them, a confused expression plastered over her face. "What are you doing? Stirring up trouble in the nearby nature preserve?"
"W...what?" Shadmé gave Pit a somewhat distressed look. "Since when did we have a local nature preserve?"
"Since never! How far did we walk?"
"This is pathetic," Viridi responded with a laugh. "This is Pokémon GO's doing, isn't it?"
"NO!" both angels answered immediately. After a sheepish look towards each other, they turned away. "Yes…"
"Do you know how annoying it is for me to deal with?" Viridi huffed. "At least indoor video games contained the stupid people in one place! With Pokémon GO on the brain, everyone's wandering around and going places they shouldn't! They're stepping on plants, climbing on trees, crossing into private property…"
Shadmé grimaced. "We weren't planning on going to your...nature preserve-thingy. We just wanted to catch some Charmander, then leave."
"Shadmé!" Pit suddenly interrupted. "I'm getting a Charmander on my 'Nearby' radar!"
"Really? Let me see!" Shadmé leaned over to see his phone. Eagerly, she checked hers to find that the Charmander was there, too. "Come on, let's get it!" They took off at a sprint.
"Wait!" Viridi yelped, chasing after them. "You're running towards the nature preserve! Get back here, you idiots!"
"Let's see...I only need a few more candies before I can evolve one of my Charmander into a Charmeleon," Dark Pit mused as he walked. "I'm so totally going to crush Pit and Shadmé at this. Charmander aren't usually native to these types of environments, so while I go and find a more urban place where Charmander actually are, Pit and Shadmé will be stumbling all over the countryside uselessly!"
"Is this the evil plan of the Pittoo?"
Dark Pit whirled furiously. "What's the deal, Palutena?"
The goddess of light gestured to the marketplace behind her. Somehow, the usual hustle and bustle had fallen on deaf ears, as Dark Pit had been too focused to even realize where he was. "You seemed to be scheming like all the villains in those cliché movies do. I figured I should snap you out of your reverie before you made yourself look very, very silly."
"Whatever," the dark angel grumbled. "What are you doing here?"
"Going grocery shopping. Like any sane person would be doing if they walked into a marketplace." Palutena shrugged aimlessly.
"Just leave me alone. I'm allowed to walk where I want!" Dark Pit smirked at his amazing comeback before leaving the goddess of light in the dust. "Let's see...where was I? Oh, yes. Catching the Charmander. Hey wait, that's a Charmeleon on the radar! That would make my progress much faster!" Dark Pit took off.
Back to Pit and Shadmé...
"I got it! It's a CP of 115!"
"Sweet! Mine popped up, too! Did you use a Razz Berry first?"
"Yep, I wanted to be careful!"
"Nice, nice. And that did the trick! I caught it." Shadmé bobbed her head as the Pokemon was added to her collection. "Hey Pit, how exactly did we managed to lose Viridi?"
Pit looked up from his phone and glanced around. "Good question. But I think a better one is, how exactly did we get in this tree?"
"We're in a tree?" Shadmé looked down and blanched. "...Where's the ground?"
"Um...uh…" The two angels exchanged an expression of shock. No wonder they couldn't hear Viridi yelling. They'd climbed too high!
"What do we do, what do we do?!"
"Should I call Lady Palutena?"
"You probably should! I'll get ahold of Dark Pit! I have no clue how to climb out of a tree!"
"Viridi's right down there- should we ask her for help?"
"She'd laugh at us!"
"Gods be darned- hey look, another Charmander!"
"Is this the nest?"
Pit and Shadmé stopped rapid-talking as soon as that revelation was made. Pit leaned back against the bark, twisting a tuft of hair between his fingertips. "Well...we haven't fallen out yet. I suppose we could stay up here for a little while longer…"
With Dark Pit, much later...
"Hey guys, I downloaded a screen capture thing and linked it to the video feed so you can actually see what I'm doing. I kind of forgot Pit and Shadmé have the camera, so you've been missing a very vital perspective. But here I am!" Dark Pit looked up from his phone to cross the street. "I managed to catch that Charmeleon, by the way. It wasn't a bad CP, something in the mid-hundreds. I bet that if I evolve it, I'll get a Charizard in the thousands."
He suddenly got a phone call. "Ugh. Sorry about that, guys. I don't know who'd be calling in the middle of a recording… wait. This is from Shadmé!" He accepted the call. "What do you want? Do you and Pit finally admit defeat?"
"No...but we'll have you know that we've got this competition in the bag!"
"Oh, what? Have you managed to catch a whopping three Charmander or something?" He chuckled darkly. "I'll have you know that I caught a Charmeleon and am only a few candies away from a Charizard!"
"Okay, well, that's not actually why I called you."
"Changing the subject, I see? Very well. What ails you?"
"Pit and I...are kinda trapped in a tree."
Dark Pit stopped moving. Suddenly, he burst out laughing. "Stuck in a tree? Oh, that's rich! How did that even happen?"
"Hey, don't laugh! It's not funny!"
"Yes, actually, it is!" Dark Pit wound down, the shuddering in the footage from his laughter finally stabilizing. "How does that even happen?"
"Your best guess is as good as mine!"
"Actually…" Shadmé trailed off, "I could propose a lengthy explanation, if you're so inclined."
"It all started when Pit and I separated from you," Shadmé began. "We crossed a lagoon, plains and a campsite all in succession, catching no more and no less than three Rattata, three Pidgey, two Zubat, two Venonat, an Oddish, a Bulbasaur, a Magikarp, a Growlithe and a Drowzee. On the way, Pit hatched an Eevee from an egg, and I hatched a Doduo. We continued onward before running into two fellow Pokémon GO players, one on Team Instinct, and the other on Team Valor. We had a lengthy chat before heading our separate ways."
"Okay but I don't see how-"
"-We also encountered three Pokestops that gave us a fair amount of items. As we walked farther, we made our way to a nature preserve, the place inhabited by none other than Viridi. She berated us, but we traveled on anyway, taking a twisted path to lose said goddess. We finally managed to do so by climbing a tree, the tree in question being the one we're sitting in."
"Shadmé! Stop talking. So you're saying that's what happened to you?"
"...Well, not really! You see, Pit and I don't remember what happened, so I just made that up on the spot. Another possible explanation could be-"
"Shut it!" Dark Pit growled. "So you find yourself in a tree somehow, and think the best choice is to call me about it?"
"But of course! You'd know what to do. You've gotten out of trees before, right?"
Dark Pit sighed. "Yeah...okay, here's what to do. You close your eyes, spread your wings, and jump out of the tree. Problem solved."
"But Dark Pit, we can't even see the bottom of the tree!"
"Okay, now I know for sure you're pulling my leg." Shadmé sounded a tad nervous.
"How can I pull your leg if I'm not there to see it?" Dark Pit joked.
"Not funny! We're legitimately stuck!"
"It doesn't seem like it's too much of an issue considering you fabricated an entire story while you were up here. Just call Palutena or something."
"Is she at the temple?" Shadmé asked.
"No, actually. I saw her shopping a while ago," Dark Pit answered.
"...Dang! How can we expect her to calculate our locations to warp us out if she's not in her control room?"
"I dunno. But it looks like I'm gonna be winning this competition."
"Hey Pittoo!" Pit's voice entered the call.
"What is it, Pit-Stain?"
"Hate to burst your bubble, but the plan worked! Listen to this!" There was a bit of shuffling on the other end, but when the sound became clear, Dark Pit felt himself stiffen with anger. The sound of evolution: a Charmeleon becoming a Charizard, right on Pit's phone. "How..?"
"There's a Charmander nest out here! We've been crawling through the trees! And Shadmé sacrificed a victory in order to distract you while I got the last few Charmander I needed!" Pit laughed in triumph.
Dark Pit was completely stunned. Shadmé had distracted him with the stupid phone call all along! "Why, Shadmé? Why would you do that?"
"Because, silly," she chirped, "we all may have our differences, but when you get down to it…"
"Yes..?" Better not be some ridiculous friendship spiel…
"...Mystic and Instinct will always be allies! Mwahaha!"
"...I'm not getting you out of that tree." Dark Pit hung up.
Holy Palutena. That's the longest hiatus I've had on this one, huh? My apologies.
Truth be told, with all my stories that I'm working on, this has always been one of my lower priorities. I'm eager to get my story-driven ones done as quickly as possible, but with this being a very random fanfic, it's easier to be looser on the posting schedule. It may sound like I'm giving up on this, but I swear I'm not! I just wanna thank you guys so much for continuing to favorite and review this. It gives me motivation to go on. Without you guys, this may have been terminated a long time ago. And not to mention, a lot of you discovered my other works through this one. Yay! I noticed a lot of you have been sending mail to Pit and Dark Pit, so your questions will be heard on the next "Reading Fanmail" chapter. I hear ya!
Now to the content! Contrary to belief, I'm actually not a Mystic. I agree with their morals, and I actually was going to pick that team, but after I learned that the teams were based off the birds...I had to go for Valor. I adore Fire-types, lol. Also, this installment was going to be Fire Emblem-related, but considering how many more people play Pokémon GO, I figured it'd be better-received at the moment. Maybe I'll do Fire Emblem another time.
Dark Pit: In other news, my ask . fm is back. Dark_Pit if you care to know. I expect to get some top-tier questions from all of you, not Pittoo spam. Got it?
I think you're asking too much from us. That's about it, for now! Let's hope the next one will come in a shorter length of time. Thanks again for bearing with me, everyone!