Regrets

Author: Ally (Hafthand

Rating: R (overall), but this chapter only PG-13 for language

Category: Romance/Angst

Disclaimer: So not mine!

Summary: See the first chapter

Comments: Well I actually updated this faster then I thought I would, but it isn't as great as I had hoped. The journal entry jumps around a bit but that illustrates Jackie's confused state, s I guess it works. Stick with me and I promise this has a plot! Please review! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2: Thoughts, Donna, and more Bad Thoughts

"The struggle for those who survived The Day, was to survive the next." -Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank

Dear Journal,

I don't really remember when it started, heck, I don't want to know when it did, but it is difficult to ignore it. Steven has never been my best friend; he's not even a friend really. I mean come on, look at me. I am hot, rich, perky, great hair, and Steven is well...Steven. Scruffy, poor, orphaned Steven. I know this, yet things have changed. We fight a lot more now. I know, I know we always fought, but our fights started turning into something else. They are so much more physical now. I don't mean like bad physical stuff, I mean good stuff, wait, no I didn't mean good, I meant. Darn it this is hard.

When we fight now, we touch each other more. It is almost as though we are baiting each other waiting to see who will bite first. I thought after our little Veteran's Day date all thoughts of Hyde, other than hurting him, would vanish. Boy was I wrong. I guess getting back with Kelso was stupid, I mean even Red called me a dumbass; come to think of it he always calls us that, but this time it was different. Ever since Kelso and I got back together, being in a room with Steven is just overwhelming. If I didn't know any better I would say it was due to unresolved sexual tension, but I mean come on who are we kidding, he is so not my type.

Then why can't I stop thinking about him? I don't like him, not even a little, its just I can't let him win at this little game we play. If I let him win then I will just be the dumb cheerleader, Kelso's girlfriend. Take today for example. I let Hyde win again and I was the one who left angry and mad. What a way to embarrass myself in front of Eric's hunky cousin Ford. Who knew someone in Eric's family could look that good? I don't count Laurie, she is a slut. I didn't even get to introduce myself. Ford seems like a great guy. He is good-looking, great hair, rich; you know the kind of guy I can be seen with in public, unlike Steven Hyde.

I know Steven was high tonight, but I don't know what came over him. We have never been THAT physical. It is usually just touches here and there to prove a point and to see who will break first. Tonight was different. I actually thought for a moment when he leaned in that he was going to kiss me. You want to know something scary, I actually hoped he would. Oh hold on, someone is at the door. ~~~~~~

"Oh hey Donna." I let Donna in and she sits on the bed. I have to admit, for someone who wears trucker's clothes, she has become my best friend.

"Jackie what the hell?" Donna asks. I go and sit next to her.

"What Donna?" She looks at me as though I'm stupid. "Okay, okay I know what you're going to say."

"What is going on with you two? I was watching you tonight, well except when I was checking Ford out, but don't tell Eric." She giggles and turns red.

"Yeah I know he is pretty hot." I can't help but join in her laughter.

"Seriously Jackie. One minute you two are strangers, the next you guys look like you're all over each other, and then back to strangers. Very mad strangers. What is going on?" I can't stay sitting so I get up and walk to the window.

"I don't know Donna, he is just soooo, urg, frustrating. Sometimes I think I want to knock his head off. He gets that silly grin on his face and god his insults actually are beginning to hurt."

Suddenly Donna jumps off the bed pointing at me. "Oh. MY. GOD. You like him, and not that fairy tale love crap you were going on about earlier this year, you actually like him. Oh my god Jackie. Tell me I'm lying, go on tell me." For a minute I can't say a thing. I mean come on the idea is so ridiculous.

"Donna, Donna, Donna. I can't like him, I won't like him. He is scruffy, and, and poor, and I mean come on I am all about unicorns and princesses, he is all about rock and being lazy. Besides, Kelso and I are in love."

"Oh please Jackie don't feed me that crap."

"No Donna I swear its real this time."

"Yeah whatever Jackie, but either way you two have to lighten up. Talk to him about these fights or just ignore him, because the rest of us think it sucks being in a room with the two of you."

"I am sorry, but I can't talk to him about this. Every time we talk it turns bad." I sit back on the bed and play with my fingers. Oh god please don't let her be right, I can't like Steven, I mean come on I have Kelso, good, old, dumb Kelso right?

"Well anyway, isn't Ford hot. God this should be an interesting two weeks..." and so Donna went on about purposely making Eric jealous and how we should go to the drive-in, but I couldn't listen. I had my own dilemma. I picked up my journal and put it back under my bed. I thought writing in it would help sort out my thoughts, I only got more confused.

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Okay, not as good as I had hoped but I had to get Jackie's POV out of the way. I am hopin' next chapter will be better written and also more Jackie/Hyde interaction. Please review, pretty please. I think I will need encouragement so I can find direction in this! Thanx. Love, Ally.