To Ship the Impossible Ship
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairing: This is unashamedly Arizona/Leah –AU (If you don't like Lezona then this isn't the story for you.)
Rating: T (Language)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything connected to Grey's Anatomy whatsoever. This is for (hopefully) entertainment purposes only.
Summary: An AU version of what I wish had happened after Arizona kicked Leah out of her hotel. Sometimes the things we think we want don't end up making us happy and sometimes something that's broken can't be fixed.
Spoilers: Ep 10 x 9 and let's just say the last couple of episodes of season 9 and all of season 10 just to be safe.
Disclaimers: Please don't hate me. I realize this pairing is not popular, but I personally liked Leah and Arizona together. I knew from the beginning that Calzona would always be together and this relationship would never last but still I couldn't help myself. This is not written to insult or offend Calzona fans but simply as an appeasement to my preference of Arizona and Leah and hopefully to entertain those who also liked this ship.
Also, I have not watched a ton of Grey's Anatomy. I really only began to watch when Arizona and Leah first got together so I am well aware the characters will be out of character and I apologize for that. This is my first attempt at writing in this fandom. Again, no offense intended. Also I have no medical expertise so forgive any errors on that front as well. This is unbeta'd.
Leah jumped at the unexpected and most assuredly unwelcome voice coming from behind her. She took a deep breath and turned around hoping her expression was as indifferent as she tried to make it.
"Doctor Robbins," Leah greeted formally, struggling to ignore the way her traitorous heart fluttered helplessly at the beautiful woman watching her with a sad apologetic expression on her face.
Arizona sighed. "Leah, what are you doing?
"I'm beginning my shift," Leah replied and turned back to her locker and retrieved her white coat.
Arizona couldn't help but appreciate the graceful way the slender blonde slid into the plain coat. Even now she couldn't deny that Leah Murphy was a beautiful woman with an innocent seductiveness that she was certain Leah herself wasn't even aware of.
"I didn't mean that," Arizona replied quietly. "I meant the whole 'Doctor Robbins thing. And the avoiding me thing. I know you're upset about the other night and the way I sent you home and I'm sorry I was so mean. I was just…"
"Don't worry about it. I understand. Dr. Torres decided to take you back so you don't need me anymore. There was no point in sugar coating it."
Something about that sentence sat wrong with Arizona but she couldn't pinpoint just what it was. However it was Leah's demeanor that was more disturbing and she knew it wasn't just Leah's usual melodramatics.
"Maybe, but that doesn't make it right."
Leah turned around to face her tormentor, just wishing the woman would leave her alone before she found herself begging for another chance. "Okay then, I forgive you. Feel better?" she asked, unable to keep a hint of bitterness out of her voice, before walking out of the locker room.
"No," Arizona answered to the empty room. Sighing, she decided she'd have to give Leah time to get over her anger before she tried to talk to her again.
Six weeks. It had been six weeks since Callie had surprised Arizona and invited her to come home. Six weeks since Arizona had coldly kicked Leah out of her bed so she could go back to her happy life with her wife and daughter. So why wasn't she happy?
Maybe it was the fact that while Callie made every effort to appear the loving wife, they still hadn't made love. Even after letting Arizona back into their bed, they'd shared nothing but occasional kisses and even then, Arizona could feel Callie holding back.
She honestly couldn't blame Callie for her wariness, especially after she'd found out about Leah, and Arizona had tried to be patient but it was becoming extremely frustrating. Callie took offense at anything she said or did and it was only the joy she got from unlimited time spent with Sofia that kept her settled. Despite knowing in her heart that Callie was truly trying and loving her for it, it just wasn't enough for Arizona anymore. She felt even more alone now that she was back home, than she felt when they were apart and it was those times, late at night when Callie slid out of bed without even a word and either went to work on her computer or back to the hospital that Arizona's thoughts drifted to Leah Murphy.
When she was left alone in bed, she couldn't help but remember what she had tried so hard to ignore; the longing in Leah's expressive eyes whenever Arizona happened to catch her watching her. The lack of judgment, the gentle touches, and softy whispered words that made Arizona feel wanted. Everything she hadn't felt since she had cheated and Callie kicked her out of her life. All the things she had hoped to feel again once she was back home but hadn't. Then those images were pushed out by the memories of empty eyes and toneless voice as Leah continued to keep her conversations with Arizona limited to 'yes Dr. Robbins' and 'no Dr. Robbins', when she wasn't avoiding her and Arizona had to admit that it hurt.
Arizona was also aware that Leah had become a workaholic. She knew that Leah had maxed out, if not gone over the sixty hours she was limited to working each week and that there had been nights Leah hadn't even gone home. On the few occasions she'd seen the intern, Arizona had noticed the pallor of her skin and the circles under her once bright eyes and she'd become worried about the young woman's health as well as her ability to perform surgery if it came to that. Unfortunately, she never had the chance to speak to her about it as Leah always managed to have one reason or another to run away. It was making her absolutely crazy.
Finally it was Leah's turn to do a rotation in Pediatrics and Arizona knew Leah would have no choice but to talk to her. Unfortunately, the young blonde couldn't be found.
"Hey, have you seen Leah?" Arizona asked Shane Ross who was just leaving the breakroom. "She's supposed to be covering Peds today."
"Stephane said she called in sick."
Arizona felt what was left of her patience snap. "I see." Without saying anything else she walked away and began her rounds, growing so irritated throughout the day that all of the interns and most of the residents made it a point to stay out of her way and when Callie approached her to coldly tell her she was taking Sofia over to Meredith's for a playdate after work, it took every ounce of restraint she had not to scream at her wife for always choosing to be somewhere other than at home with her.
After her shift, Arizona contemplated stopping off for a much needed drink but then she decided that she had some unfinished business with an increasingly annoying intern who wouldn't get out of her head.
"Leah I know you're there damnit" Arizona called through the door. She'd been knocking for five minutes with no answer and Leah wasn't answering her phone but she'd be damned if she left before seeing the stubborn woman.
"I know you're mad at me Leah, but bailing on your responsibility today just so you wouldn't have to deal with me is childish and not the behavior of a promising surgeon." She waited for several seconds with no response and she sighed.
"Leah, I'm not leaving until you…"
She paused mid rant as the door opened and then gasped at the sight that greeted her. Leah looked like shit on a bad day. Her hair was a stringy mess and she was deathly pale and judging by the way she was grasping the door, she could barely stand.
"Here. Now you've seen me. Satisfied?" Leah rasped in a barely audible voice.
"What's wrong with you?" Arizona asked, feeling alarmed by how weak she looked.
"I have the flu. So you can put your ego away Dr. Robbins. I wasn't avoiding you today. I just didn't think you'd want me spreading the flu to the children."
"Leah I'm sorry. I didn't know…"
"Well now you do, so if you don't mind I need to get back to bed."
"You need to see a doctor," Arizona chided.
"I am a doctor," Leah snapped. "And despite what you may think of my abilities, I'm capable of treating the flu."
"Leah, quit being so stubborn. At least let me come in and …"
"No. You made it clear that you don't need me anymore and I sure as hell don't need your pity, so just go back to your adoring wife."
'You don't need me anymore'. Arizona's heart ached at the words Leah had thrown at her once before and she finally understood just how much she'd hurt this young woman who'd never wanted anything but to be with her. "I never meant to hurt you," she said softly.
"No?" Leah managed to scoff before she was wracked with a fit of coughing. "Well you did. Just go Arizona. I can take care of myself and you don't need to take the flu home to your daughter."
"I can't leave you here alone Leah," Arizona insisted, concern for the intern growing by the second. "You need someone to take care of you."
"No," Leah snapped. "You don't get to keep doing this to me. I gave you a way out once before but you're the one who texted me to start up whatever it is we had. You kept coming to me. You knew I was in love with you and you just shit all over that. I'm not going to let you do it again."
Arizona's heart broke and her eyes fluttered shut against the pain in Leah's fever glazed eyes. She had known Leah was infatuated with her but she honestly had no idea it was love. "Oh God. Leah. I swear I never wanted you to feel this way. I enjoyed our nights together, I did, but you knew that what we had was temporary. You knew I wanted to make my marriage work."
Leah snorted. "Yeah maybe I did and yes I'm aware I was a complete idiot, but these last few weeks I gave everything to you. I was the one who was there for you, who loved you and didn't judge you. I was the one who held you after Callie hurt you again and again and you let me, but as soon as the woman who declared you dead to God and everyone, the one who repeatedly called you a slut in front of your co-workers, comes knocking, you kick me out like a cheap lay you couldn't wait to get rid of. You don't get to pretend like you give a damn about me now."
Tears stung Arizona's eyes as the full weight of just how badly she'd treated the vulnerable woman fell on her. "Oh Leah, I did…I do care about you. You were never just a…that to me. I was just so shocked by Callie's visit and…"
"No. The truth is I don't matter to you or to anyone else. I never have, so just go home to the wife that treats you so well and leave me alone."
Before Arizona could argue, she found the door firmly shut in her face. All of a sudden she was bombarded by memories of soft eyes watching her adoringly. Gentle arms holding her as she cried after another fight with Callie. Whispered words of support, telling her how amazing she was. Soft touches and passionate kisses that made her feel desired. How had she not seen it? How had she allowed herself to ignore just how much Leah cared for her? And how badly did it now hurt to see the longing replaced by pain and rejection.
I don't matter. I never have. Arizona managed to walk halfway down the hall before she collapsed against the wall, tears falling as she finally realized what she'd done and had to accept that the innocent, tender hearted intern would rather suffer alone, rather than have Arizona care for her.
Part of Arizona urged her to go back to Leah's and pound on the door until Leah was forced to let her in but she didn't'. She had no idea how to even begin to make up for what she'd done.