Chapter 19: Heroes (we could be) – Alesso ft. Tove Lo

"Finally! My God, that was about time, Elizabeth!" Ann said and the use of my whole first name made me look up from the racks of clothes I had systematically been going through.

"First of; please don't call me that, and second; please don't call me that" I told her firmly before going back to my search. I could really use a new top and leggings… and maybe another oversized sweater. I was really starting to take this whole sweater-weather to heart. I usually enjoyed more flimsy clothes because it was provocative and I felt sexy, but there was a lot of ways to provoke and I felt sexy in mostly anything. In truth, I knew Embry liked it when I wore shirts and sweaters that were big enough for me to almost disappear in – especially if those garments were his. I was actually wearing one of his Henley shirts today over a tight crop top, and high-waist skinny jeans – though the shirt went down just past my ass. He had worn it yesterday when I met Tiffany, and I had put it on before he woke up this morning. He asked several times if I wouldn't rather borrow one of his fresh ones – he wouldn't mind running home and getting one for me -, but I had declined. A fresh shirt wouldn't smell as much like him.

"Are you ignoring the topic - you brought up by the way – on purpose?" Ann wanted to know and Kim giggled from where she stood at the jeans-section a little further in the shop. I shot her a glare, which she ignored. Damn, my glare was starting to lose its power with these people!

"I'm not ignoring anything, Ann, and I did not bring it up. You asked me how it went yesterday and I told you"

"Vaguely"

"And I'm not even sure why you are fixating on the part where Embry and I confessed our…" I halted.

"… love?" Kim offered helpfully though her assistance wasn't welcome – especially not paired with the humorous gleam in her eyes.

"That. Yes" I huffed.

"I am not fixating, and it's not like I'm not happy for you that the evening went well, but you have to admit that finally telling Embry how you feel is of considerable significance" Ann made me seriously regret telling them anything. I didn't want to chit chat or gossip about this sort of thing. It was embarrassing.

Still.

I couldn't stop a smile spreading on my lips every time I thought back on it. He loved me despite of what my red eyes meant and even if it were nothing but contacts that made them the color they were, he had no idea I wasn't feeding from humans and he still loved me. I had no idea how he could, but the fact that he accepted something about me - illusion or not - that was against everything his being stood for, made me love him even more – despite how selfish that was of me, but that was a whole other matter I really didn't want to face right now.

I quickly turned my head so my hair fell as a curtain around my face, effectively shielding me from my two friends' curious eyes as I tried to force back the – surely stupid – grin.

"You guys can find me in the changing booth" I told them briskly as I grabbed a handful of clothes and went to the back of the store. Ann yelled some stupid comment about how I shouldn't be ashamed of being in love, which made me briefly consider if the consequences was worth murdering Ann in public. Probably not. The Volturi would be all over me if I made a scene, and Paul would be all whinny and vengeful. Embry probably wouldn't be too happy about it either.

"She is right. I don't understand why you are so against showing how happy you are" Kim's voice drifted through the curtain that concealed me from the rest of the store. I had been too caught up in my thoughts to notice she had followed me. Damn.

"It's just not easy for me. You all expect me to change all of a sudden and be this whole other person, but you forget that I've been this way for two centuries give or take" I whispered quietly. I wasn't sure if I wanted Ann to hear this or not, but if she was listening in, I couldn't do much about it. If I spoke any softer, Kim's human ears wouldn't be able to catch my words.

"No one expects you to change. They don't expect anything really. You already established yourself pretty clearly. But there is nothing wrong with evolving or showing everyone who you actually are. You're not as stone cold as you would like to make everyone believe" she said kindly, but I just felt my annoyance rise, though it died down as quickly as it came.

"You're not just talking about my feelings, are you, Oprah?" I asked as I stared at my reflection. For today's outing I had put on the brown contacts yet again, but those weren't the contacts that I truly hid behind. I had to change these soon. The golden color was starting to show behind the almost dissolved contact lenses. It was a pain to keep hiding, but I felt paranoid, therefore whenever I wasn't wearing the red contacts, I wore brown ones. I knew Embry or someone from the pack wouldn't just pop up out of nowhere, if I hadn't worn any contacts to this shopping trip, but I couldn't even get myself to leave the bathroom without any colored contacts nowadays. I once neglected to wear contacts in my room, but Embry came by for a surprise visit and I barely got my contacts in place before he entered my room.

"Of course it isn't, Beth. It is long overdue that you stopped wearing those stupid red contacts" Ann interjected as she went into the changing booth beside mine.

I opened the curtains to show Kim the outfit I was wearing. It was a pair of black leggings under a long, loose, grey top. It was rather dull as it was, but with the right shoes and accessories it would be great.

"It's complicated" I told them without skipping a beat.

"It's rather simple really. It's just not easy" Kim smiled at me as Ann stuck out her head from behind the curtain.

"You're just scared, Beth, which – quite frankly – is a bit ridiculous given how happy it would make Embry"

"Oh, well, that makes it so much easier, Ann, thank you" I snorted as I went back into the changing booth. Kim sighed.

"It's all up to you in the end. Neither I nor Kim will breathe a word of it and you know that, but sooner rather than later you will have to tell him. It's always going to be scary to put yourself out there, but it's also a matter of trusting the other person to not dismiss you, and you know Embry would never do that. You just have to overcome whatever is holding you back" Ann said through the walls of the changing booths. I knew she was right. Of course she was. That just didn't make things any easier. It wasn't as if a person would stop being afraid if they were just told not to be. Someone who had a phobia of spiders would still fear them even though they knew the spider was smaller than them and – in most cases in this sort of climate – not poisonous. A parachute or safety-line wouldn't cure fear of heights. Fear was irrational and that was why it was so goddamn hard to repress.

"Say I do pull myself together to tell him. How would I even do it? I'm much inclined to do something dramatic" I did what I do best when things are too serious; I turn it into a joke. Kim giggled and Ann snorted though I knew by the huff that followed that she was smiling.

"Dramatic how?" Kim wanted to know and I instantly pulled the curtains to the side theatrically. I was wearing a long-sleeved bodycon dress in red floral velvet that fitted snugly and stopped mid-thigh, and Kim whistled as I posed. Ann reemerged from her changing booth in a pair of boyfriend pants that did not go well with the shirt she was wearing.

"You look like a lesbian Jew. Can't you at least find a suitable top to go with before showing us or do you want us to assume, that you might actually put those things together and call it an outfit?" I asked with an eyebrow raised challenging. She quickly looked down at herself before giving me a wide-eyed look.

"What? It's cozy" she said as if that was a good enough reason to burn my eyes. I threw her a loose-fitting crop top with the words 'Nerd' written across the chest in bold letters.

"This might fit you better" I told her with a smirk and she stuck out her tongue at me before disappearing back into the changing booth. I turned my attention back to Kim who was absentmindedly looking at a stack of basic tops nearby.

"You're not trying anything on?"

"Hmm? Oh. No, I can't afford anything right now. It's the end of the month" she told me as if that explained anything.

"And it is also a Tuesday. What does this have to do with trying something? You don't have to buy it" I smirked at her.

"I'm afraid if I try something, I might fall in love with it" she said with a humorous smile and I let out a breath of laughter.

"Get in there and I'll fetch that skirt you were eying earlier" I told her and went to get the garment before she even had time to protest. I could feel the price tag from the dress I was wearing scratch my back as I went.

Ann came out just in time for me to throw the skirt over the curtain to Kim's booth. She kept pulling at the hems of the crop top as if that would make it cover her bellybutton and lower stomach.

"Oh stop fidgeting, Ann" I told her and she put her hands on her hips instead.

"I look like a hussy" she complained and I laughed.

"Welcome to the ranks"

She huffed and was about to take cover in her changing booth, but I quickly grabbed her arm.

"Oh, it was a joke, sugar, lighten up. You look very sexy" I told her just as Kim came out in the peplum skirt and her loose top tucked in. I instantly pulled her towards where Ann and I stood in front of the full-body mirror just outside the changing booths.

"Don't we all look smashing" I asked rhetorically with my arms draped over their shoulders. Ann pouted slightly at her reflection while Kim blushed. These girls really couldn't see their own potential. They were both absolutely beautiful – even compared to me – and despite Ann being a bit flat-chested and Kim tendencies to have minor bags under her eyes, they were actually quite flawless – and Kim was even human.

"I am buying that skirt and that top for you two. I have a feeling the guys will love it" I smiled knowing Paul would most likely yell at me if Ann came home in a crop top. I wasn't sure about Jared, but he was probably just going to be speechless his imprint was wearing something other than loose jeans. Kim claimed she owned a summer-dress or two and a jean-skirt, but I had yet to see proof of that for myself. Besides, peplum was so in right now and it looked great on her. There was no way I would let her walk out this store without it. It was my duty as her friend.

Oh look at me; shopping with my friends. Plural. Who would've thought?! The craziest part was that I was actually enjoying this! I had been out shopping with Noel several times, and we always had loads of fun even though she had zero fashion sense whatsoever. As human I had even been out shopping with a few servants. But I mostly did the shopping by myself, rarely really having someone whose opinion I cared enough for to go shopping with them.

"I can't let you do that, Beth! It's too much" Kim instantly started arguing.

"Me neither. Even if you bought this for me, I doubt I would wear it willingly all that much. It would be a waste"

"Kim, you are going to let me buy that for you, no objections. And Ann, you can burn it and dance on the ashes for all I care, just please please let me have this! I want to see the guys' faces when we get back looking phenomenal"

"You had me at hello" Kim giggled.

"Oh what the hell, it might be fun" Ann threw up her hands in surrender and I smirked.

When we all had changed into our own clothes and went to the register to pay – yes, I had a credit card and no, it had not always been mine – Kim turned towards us.

"Does this make us Beth's bitches?" she asked trying to keep a straight face, but her smile soon broke through.

"Yes, it does" Ann said without hesitation and I laughed.

.:-:.

"I feel ridicules. Why did I let you talk me into this?" Ann had been tugging on her crop top and fidgeting with her arms in front of her exposed stomach the entire ride back to the reservation. Kim was smiling happily from the backseat of my convertible as her hair blew all over the place. The roof was down, and I was smirking behind my oversized sunglasses. Before we left the mall back in Aberdeen, I had put on a fresh pair of red contacts and was keeping up the illusion by hiding them behind the toned sunglasses during the drive back. It would've been a two and a half drive, but that time was easily cut much shorter with me behind the wheel. Fortunately their whining and complaining about my supposedly hazardous driving was kept quite – unlike when we took off from La Push earlier today.

"I love this. It feels like we're in a movie" Kim giggled as she threw her head back. It might not be summer any more, but it was one of those rare warm days and even though the sun was hiding behind the clouds, it had been threatening to disperse said clouds all day – a fact Ann had made me aware of repeatedly during our outing. She was such a nervous Nellie sometimes. Kim on the other hand had been ecstatic from the moment I invited her along and with Ann being kind of a bummer for most of the time, I was glad I did.

"Oh so it didn't before when you were just out shopping with your friendly neighborhood vampire-friends?" Ann chuckled back and I laughed. Ok, she might not be a total bummer.

"I am so looking forward to what Jared is going to say to my skirt. I haven't worn anything this fancy since senior prom"

"You're so lame" I teased and she leaned forward to lightly bat to my shoulder.

"I am not lame! I'm practical" Kim defended with a grin.

"Same thing, but you might feel better knowing you aren't as lame as Ann, who hasn't worn anything fancy since the Second World War"

"I think you are forgetting Tom's wedding" the girl in question fake-pouted.

I sped up slightly when the familiar stench of wet dog hit my nose as we reentered the reservation. I could faintly detect the much more welcome smell of my imprinter, but I also knew none of the wolves were out patrolling today – it was one of their rare days off. Tonight we would have a bonfire with the tribe elders and storytelling. It was all very… quaint, but I sort of didn't mind. It was a big part of Embry and even though I might have found these sorts of things suffocating before, it was actually kind of endearing to me, knowing this was my mate's ancestry – at least part of it. His mother had told me some tales and myths from her tribe when I visited. It was strange how different the Quileute- and the Makah tribes were, but Embry was the legacy of both.

Soon I eased up on the speeder just slightly, but still couldn't resist the chance to bust certain someone's balls so when I pulled into the wide driveway in front of Emily and Sam's house, I honked the horn, pulled the handbrake and made a U-turn on the spot before parking perfectly beside Paul's rusty excuse of a car. Kim had been squealing in a mixture of dread and glee, while Ann had clung to the door in her side – as if she could even get hurt – and swearing in pure German. I was laughing almost hysterically at the look on her face as she glared at me – her curls wild around her face after the drive. Kim was breathing heavily before she started laughing too, her hair not looking much better and I doubted mine did either. The pack had come out on the porch the instant I had honked and Jared was coming towards us. Kim exited still laughing heavily before her imprinter even reached the car, and he instantly checked her for injuries. When he decided she was fine, he turned a nasty glare towards me, but I just smirked in return as I elegantly stepped out of my car. Ann didn't bother opening the door and just jumped over it.

"Beth, seriously?! Why couldn't you just park like a normal person?" Ann huffed, though she was clearly trying to fight back a smile. She had forgotten all about her previously discomfort with her outfit. Paul however had just seemed to notice his imprint's choice in clothing and didn't seem to know how he should react.

I swiftly walked to Embry and gave him a peck on the cheek as a hello.

"You like my new dress?" I asked him and twirled as if we were alone. The way he looked at me made it easy to give into the illusion that we were.

"You look… absolutely beautiful" he cleared his throat and blushed slightly, and I held back a proud smile as warmth grew in my icy insides.

"Thank you"

"What the hell is Ann wearing, Beth?!" Paul seemed to have overcome his initial chock and had decided that anger towards me was the way to go.

"It is called a crop top. Given all you guys' inexperience with shirts and whatnot, I can understand your confusion, Paul" I smirked back a reply. Ann had managed to get some control over her unruly curls, but her being an immortal, she looked more like she came from a shampoo-commercial than anything. Kim's long, black locks were however in a dreadful tangle. She was showing her skirt to Jared who at least seemed appreciative.

"You guys all look great. Now I wish I had come along too" Emily complimented and I smiled at her effort to act as a peacemaker.

Leah however ruined it with a snort.

"What, they didn't have a smaller dress?" she commented as she walked down the porch – apparently intend on skipping out of any socializing now that us vampires had arrived.

"Shut. Up" I groaned as I empathized each word, tired with her childish behavior. We get it! You got dumped a billion years ago! Get fucking over it!

"Don't tell me what to do, leech" the she-wolf had the audacity to growl back and I hissed at her. She just wanted to provoke me into a fight, but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. The sudden animalistic noises made Kim jump and grab hold of Jared, who instantly reacted on his imprint's fear.

"Cut it out!" he demanded and I whipped my hair over my shoulder before turning my back to Leah, hoping the passive aggressive move would agitate her. Embry gave me a dismayed look to which I just shrugged, but still felt a sting of regret. Damn Leah, this was her fault!

"Jared is right. Stop being petty you two" Sam barked. Leah snorted before jogging off to somewhere.

"Ok" Quil clapped his hands together awkwardly which instantly gained the attention from the rest of us.

"Why don't we get some chairs and stuff outside? It seems like the weather is only getting better" he suggested and it seemed he was right. The sun was already starting to win against the clouds - a rare sight at these parts indeed.

Soon we had all forgotten about the little scene from before and the guys were as loud as always, as they laughed and bantered. Ann had gone back to tugging at her top until Paul whispered something in her ear and she stopped with a slightly embarrassed, wry smile. Emily and Kim were talking merrily as the latter recapped our shopping trip. I was sitting on my mate's lap as he was talking to Quil and Brady about some hunt of a deer they had done the other day. As I sat there with Embry's arms securely around me and listening to all the different conversations around me, I suddenly knew something I should've realized weeks ago, but probably would've been too scared to admit even if I did realize then;

This was home.