5AN: This is the conclusion to my story Tough Lover. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Those who were so kind to review, follow or put this story as a fav, I thank you sincerely and I hope this ending will not disappoint.
Chapter 20: Everywhere – Ida Redig
It was time. I knew it in my heart with as much certainty as I knew my own name. In fact, I knew it was long overdue. It had been a week since I met Embry's mother and I think everything that had happened had been an eye-opener for me.
Tiffany had welcomed me into her family and happily entrusted her son to me. Embry told me he loved me and had been nothing but patient, understanding and good to me from the moment we met – despite how difficult I had made it for him. He had not only given me his love, but he had given me a place I felt safe and at home. I don't even believe he knew how precious that is to someone who hasn't had a home for as long as I. I had people here who I genuinely cared for as friends and seemed to actually want to be my friends in return, and that too was all thanks to Embry. I owed my mate everything and I knew even if I spent the rest of eternity I wouldn't be able to make it up for him, but I knew how to start.
I resolutely and with all my determination threw the rest of the red contacts in the trash bin before looking in the reflection in the bathroom mirror. The girl with the golden eyes looking back at me wasn't the same from all those months ago who came to La Push to look for a little trouble and excitement. It was difficult to recognize her, but she felt familiar to me as if she was an old friend who returned after a long time. She looked as confident as I had been all my immortal life, but the superiority, hostility and disgust for almost everything around her seemed to have disappeared, and I wasn't even sure when it did exactly. I actually looked almost kind. I guess it was the glow in my eyes and the soft upwards curve my lips seemed to make more frequently. I kind of liked it to be honest. It felt good and real, and it made me realize how tired I actually was of hiding everything. I wasn't all of a sudden willing to share every little detail or let go of my former self. It was nothing like that. I still valued a lot of the same things and found amusement in a little chaos and drama, but I didn't feel the need to be vicious about it. It might be time to stop hiding behind red contacts, but that was just a small and natural step for me to take at this point. The four months I've been here, I haven't had a single drop of human blood and coming to terms with doing something that was so fundamentally against everything a vampire was, had been the real obstacle for me. I knew I wasn't the only vampire out there who only fed from animals. However, I felt as if I was the only vegetarian who could actually see how not right it was. There was a reason human blood was so appealing to us and it wasn't so we could suppress our instincts. Despite what other vegan vampires said. No one blinked an eye at the lion eating a gazelle, but because our gazelle seemed so much like us and sometimes could even remind us of what we had once been, it was suddenly wrong to eat the gazelle? I knew there was morale and ethics to be considered, and even if it hadn't seemed like it, I had followed some myself. I never thought about the humans I ate as actual individuals with lives or families or dreams, but I had had age-limits and preferred humans with certain lifestyles. Thinking about it I had actually eaten humans who seemed to throw their lives away. Nevertheless, I also now knew that there was no way I could feed from humans any longer. I had probably known the moment I realized Embry had imprinted on me. It wasn't just about him either. Sure, he had given me the push and without him I would still be out there killing mortals, but me not eating humans and the fact that I understood why I shouldn't despite everything I had always believed to be nothing but natural selection, was a result of something far deeper than knowing my mate didn't like it. It was another thing Embry had helped me see and something I had realized long before today; the world weren't black and white and neither was the people living in it. I didn't want to keep being the monster who took away lives and chances for these people to grow and learn. Sure, most of those who were my victims would never turn around or change how they led their lives, but I wasn't going to destroy the faint chance that someone might. When I became an immortal I wasn't given a choice. I had to throw away my human life and it was as if I was actually dead to my family. I didn't have a chance to make amends with my brother or try harder to get through to my father and then in a blink of an eye they were dead too. This was my greatest regret and even though I had no idea what happened after one died, I didn't want the same or a similar regret be the only thing I leave someone with. Eternity is far too long for that kind of suffering.
I left the bathroom with a last look at my reflection, this time checking my makeup and hair, before I went into my room and down the stairs of the quiet house. I could hear Paul sleeping soundly and Ann rustling just the tiniest bit beside her mate as she heard me go towards the front door, but she didn't ask. She was used to the fact that I went and came as I pleased – even in the middle of the night.
I ran through the reservation on a familiar path. I could probably run this way with my eyes closed and all my senses cut off. It felt as though I had gone the same way a million times and I would more than happily go a million times more.
My determination, however, wavered as soon as I stood outside the same window I had gone through so often. The familiar fear was starting to take root in my heart. If my heart could beat it would be racing like crazy right now. I couldn't recall ever being this nervous before. It wasn't that I didn't know how Embry would react to my revelation – or the rest of the pack for that matter. It was simply the fear of baring myself. I had so many walls to protect myself and even though some of them had already fallen, I still shook at the thought of dropping more. I hadn't told anyone I would do this now. I could still back out. I just had to turn back and go home and pick up those discarded packages of contacts. I could keep pretending just a little more.
I recalled my talk with Ann and Kim when we went shopping, and Noel's delight when she learned I had gotten a mate, and suddenly felt my fear lose power. This could not wait. It was the right thing to do. I had friends who had supported me when I was being ridiculous and did things they didn't agree with. They would support me and be where I needed them. I had told Ann and Kim I had wanted to do something dramatic when I revealed my true diet, and I smiled wryly when I realized I wouldn't want that when I told Embry, though waking him up in the middle of the night might be considered plenty dramatic for some.
I silently opened Embry's window. He had stopped locking it soon after I started using it as an entry, so that I could come and go as I pleased no matter the time. A few times I had even been here despite no one else had been home. If Embry were out on patrol or at work I liked coming to his room to read or just be. It was the single place where his smell was so overpowering and consuming that it felt as though he was actually there with me. It sounded so sad even in my own head and I hadn't told anyone – not even Embry, though I knew he could smell it whenever I had been there, but he hadn't made a single comment. Not even that one time he caught me sitting in his worn beanbag reading City of Ember. He had just smiled at me before sitting at the floor beside me, putting his head on my shoulder and read along with me even though I was in the middle of it. He had however been so much of a distraction that I had been forced to put the book down and give him my full attention.
I neared the bed where Embry was sleeping. He never slept with a cover or blanket and for just a moment I found myself looking appreciating at his half-naked form as he lay there only in his boxers. I carefully sat down beside him and gently brushed my hand across his cheek before running it up his temple and through his hair. His breathing has shifted slightly at my contact and I knew he was awake when he let out a content sigh and moved a little on the bed to make room for me to lay down as he had done all those other times I decided to come by in the middle of the night, and I smiled warmly at him though the nervousness and anticipation was eating me up.
"Bee, come on" he mumbled sleepily wanting me to lie down, but I just bend down to place a feather-light kiss on his forehead.
"There's something I want to show you, Em" I whispered and I think he could hear the jitters in my voice, because he fought against the sleep and sat up as he looked me up and down – apparently worried I was hurt in some way.
"What is it? Are you ok? What's going on?" he told me worriedly and I giggled quietly. I didn't have to say any more as he met my eyes and stopped dead. His mouth hung slightly open and he was staring, but I just smiled as I waited for him to react. Suddenly he moved to turn on the light and slowly, almost instinctively touched my cheek as if he had to be completely certain of what he was seeing.
"You know, it's not going to change if you stare hard enough" I smirked with a nervous laugh, but my anxiety completely dissolved as a wide grin threatened to break out on my mate's face, but I could see him trying to contain it.
"What is the meaning of this?" he asked letting go of my face just to take my hands.
"Well, you see, when a vampire consumes the blood of an animal, the vampire's irises will gain a golden color alternately of the more common red that comes with consumption of human blood" I told him with my best know-it-all-voice.
"Not really my question here" he chuckled at me with a grin and I gave him a more serious look, though the smile was still playing on my lips. This was it.
"I haven't fed from humans for my entire stay here. I know it's stupid, but I had been afraid of telling you and everyone else, though I realized it was time I told you. I can't promise I might never drink human blood ever again, but I'll do everything in my power to resist the temptation and I have a very strong motivator to help me" I told him and caressed his cheek.
"I don't want you to just do it for me or because you were pressured into it" he wanted to assure me.
"I'm doing it for me too. I think this might just be healthy for me" I joked and he smiled heartwarmingly. Why had I even been this nervous?
"That's good" he told me sincerely and I smiled happily at him. I was still a little afraid of how everyone else would react, but with Embry there I could deal with a little mockery. I was glad I told him.
"I can't believe you wasted money on red contacts for four month" he shook his head with an incredulous smile and I huffed in embarrassment and annoyance.
"Why do I even bother with you?" I sighted exasperatedly, but had a hard time keeping the smile off my face.
"Because you love me" he said matter-of-factly with a boyish grin as he put his arms loosely around me and I automatically clasped my hands together by the nape of his neck.
"Love..." I scoffed.
"God, I hate that word" I said, but we both knew it wasn't true. I never believed in the romantic kind. I had always found that to be mistaken obligation or physical attraction - and the word definitely still made me feel uncomfortable. I mean, it was just so goddamn cliché! However, I also knew what I felt towards him was achingly real and forced me to rethink my beliefs on the concept.
His lips gently found mine in a tender and slow kiss. I hummed appreciating against his mouth which caused him to chuckle lightly before pulling back to meet my eyes with a smoldering hot gleam in his brown eyes that made me tingle all the way down to my toes.
His right hand left my hip merely to rest caringly against my cheek.
"I have to get used to you having a different eye-color all of a sudden" he told me in a serious note and I instantly swooped up to capture his lips in a far more passionate and hungry kiss than before. His tongue battled mine as he lifted me up so I was straddling his hips. His arms wound around me and kept me impossible close, and I still wanted nothing more than to get closer. Passion was like fire and I'm all too familiar with fire. I thrive in fire - drawn to the flames like a moth. But he didn't just start the fires I had grown used to through my afterlife. He fed the flames. Made them linger long before his heat was out of my grasp. But I didn't have to worry about that now. His fire engulfed me like an inferno.
.:-:.
When Embry woke up I went outside to wait for him while he put on clothes and told his mother good morning. I bit back a smile at the absence of any argument or yelling. They might be terse and sober around each other, but they were certainly moving in the right direction to getting a better relationship. They might not be as close as they once were, but if they could regain a decent mother and son relationship it would still be great.
I had been standing in the shadows of the threes as I waited, but instantly stood straighter when my mate emerged from the house and I went towards him where he stood in the first morning light. I could see Tiffany through the kitchen window and offered a small wave and a wry smile, which she returned with a nod and a smile. I knew I wouldn't have the kind of relationship with my mother-in-law as Ann had with hers, but I didn't mind the slightest. It wasn't that I didn't like Tiffany – though I had been a bit annoyed with her way of treating Embry despite the fact that I knew she had done it out of worry and inability – but I felt no need to be overly friendly with her. She was Embry's mother and had my respect, and I guess she was cool, but that was it.
"You ready? Or do you want to go home and fish out those contacts from the trash?" Embry asked me with just a hint of a teasing note to his voice, but I also knew he was half-serious asking me if I really wanted to show the rest of the pack already. I took his hand and he intertwined our fingers without hesitation as we walked down the road.
"The real question is; are you ready? You are aware your imprint is going to be ridiculed and I am fully expecting you to fight for my honor?" I teased right back with a smirk, though I could easily fend for myself – especially against those boys who called themselves wolves. I had always known there would be mockery involved when everyone came to realize I had hid behind red contacts for months on end. He chuckling let go of my hand only to put his arm around my shoulders and give me a squeeze.
"I will fight 'till last man standing" he said with mock seriousness and combatively raised a fist in the air without letting go of me and I rolled my eyes at him – though I couldn't fight back a smile.
"But can we please pretend nothing is out of the ordinary? I really want to see the look of pure shock and disbelief on those suckers' faces" I smiled innocently up at my mate who chuckled.
"Though I don't share your love for drama I would actually like to see the guys freaked out too" he agreed and I let out a laugh, looking forward to the surprised uproar I was going to cause.