197OMG – 10 follows, 3 favorites and 5 comments. You guys are awesome! Ask and you shall receive. I'm not sure I can post again so soon; I need to find ideas to continue on.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, any of J.R.R. Tolkien's recognizable universe, or characters. Speech will be movie verse, which again, I don't own. I also don't own the MTV Easter Egg of the Council of Elrond. (It should be seen before this chapter. A few lines are taken from it. ;-) Yes, I am disturbed.
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Chapter 2 Getting Ready in Imladris
Tabatha was requested to never sing again by Lord Elrond. It wasn't that her voice was terrible; she had started her performance in the fire hall with Cascada's 'Bad Boy', then moved onto Pussycat Dolls's 'Buttons' before being escorted off the stage for a change in music. She flopped down beside the hobbits.
"Can't say I've ever heard music like that before." Sam said.
"Then you are sadly lacking in education, Mr. Hobbit. No worries, I can hook you up." Sam blushed.
"Is all your music like that?" Pippin asked.
"Nah, I just like turning the elves red." She grinned. "You guys held out to the second song. I'm impressed." She glanced around the room. She'd cleared part of the hall, but still received embarrassed glances from the remainder.
"You're interested in Prince Legolas?" Bilbo asked.
"Mr. tie me up, tie me down? You're kidding right? I'm still getting payback for his initial greeting." She shrugged. "Besides, it's fun to watch him flounder for a response." She gestured in his direction, where Legolas still appeared frozen in his seat next to Aragorn. He'd been one of her main targets during the second song, when she added hip moves and ass slaps. It was the suggestion that she was ready to strip on stage that finished him off.
...
Legolas shook himself. "I don't understand. Do you understand her Aragorn?"
"What man can say they understand a woman? That one least of all." he replied.
"Her country must be truly different for a lady to exhibit themselves so."
"She's still upset at you ordering her tied up and thrown on a horse. She goes out of her way to make you blush my friend." He smiled as she waved at both them. "Did you think to apologize for your treatment of her?"
"It was a normal response to finding someone outside the gates."
"I don't believe she thinks so. And you'll continue pay for that." he grinned.
Legolas groaned.
...
A voice came from the dark. "You shouldn't encourage the men. If you act like a trollop, the men will treat you as one." Lord Boromir said, stepping from the shadows.
"I'm no trollop." she fired back. "In my country we treat sex as something natural, and not a dirty little secret, never to be discussed. Besides, I have standards."
"And just what are these standards?" he asked.
She smirked at him, locking his eyes. "That's a discussion for another day. For now, I'm off to bed. Sadly alone; but maybe tomorrow I'll get lucky." She winked at him, before flouncing down the corridor.
Boromir watched her depart, shaking his head.
...
Tabatha wandered around Imladris. She was bored. She had been to the training fields, but they were strangely empty. There wasn't much for her to do here, so she'd taken to watching sweaty men and elves practicing when bored. The grace shown in all their movements was mouthwatering, and left her in a state of sexual frustration, but it gave her lots of fuel for fantasies. She shook her head, listening for any distractions.
She followed voices, before seeing a gathering of males sitting in a circle. Merry and Pippin were crouched behind pillars, eavesdropping. Curious, she joined Merry, looking over his shoulder at the Council of Elrond as it started.
"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle Earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the Ring, Frodo."
"It is a gift.1" She looked over at Boromir. Words floated from the back of her head. "... It's called a Prince Albert, and it's my precious.2" Tabatha choked.
"…And what would a ranger know of this matter?"
"…This little bad boy gets the ladies where their trying to go every time.3"
"…Then what are we waiting for?" exclaimed Gimli.
"I suppose you think you're the one to do it?"
"I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an elf!"
Tabatha held her hand over her mouth, trying to not make a sound, tears running down her face, her entire body shaking in mirth.
"Look Merry, there's something wrong with Tabatha."
Merry looked at her in concern.
"Prince Albert" she gasped.
"Who's Prince Albert?" he asked.
"Later guys." She put her finger on her mouth to indicate silence, and continued to listen to the council members.
"I'll take it. Though...I do not know the way…"
"If this is indeed the will of the Council, then Gondor will see it done."
"Gondor will see it done." she gasped. "OMG, they have no idea what I just pictured Gondor watching get done. They'd kill me." She collapsed onto the ground, unable to contain her laughter any longer.
The Fellowship was formed, other parties leaving to new activities. Merry grabbed Pippin and dragged him back to Tabatha, trailed by the rest of the Fellowship and Lord Elrond. She looked up at the collection of people staring down at her, and lost it again.
"Tabatha, what is it?' Merry asked again.
"I've seen the Council of Elrond before." she gasped. "My friend sent me a link to the MTV Easter Egg, even if I'm not a crazy Lord of the Rings fan. That was priceless. I can't believe you guys actually said…MTV is so twisted. That was so funny. You've made my day."
"There was nothing funny in our conversation." Lord Elrond said puzzled.
"What are you babbling about? You've seen this before?" Gandalf broke into her laughter.
"Hell ya. I haven't seen the movies in years, but they're well known. I didn't recognize this place until the council though. I'm horrible with names, and not much of a geek."
...
An hour later, she was cursing her verbal diarrhea. Lord Elrond was explaining "You cannot stay here. Rivendell cannot keep you safe from those who would seek and use this knowledge. If you are found by the enemy, he will not hesitate to torture you for information."
"Where can I go?" she questioned in a small voice.
"You shall join the Fellowship. " Gandalf said.
"Hell no! Not a chance! I know what's coming. Nobody's able to make me. You'll have to carry me tied up in a sack."
"That can be arranged. After your recent tormenting of Prince Legolas, I'm sure he'd volunteer to do the honors." Lord Elrond smirked at her, eyebrow raised.
'This is so not good.' she thought. "What if I change things? I have no idea what happens elsewhere, but the end result of the quest is success. Everyone's happy. You don't want to risk that. Do you?" she tried.
"There is no safe place in Arda anymore. My people are leaving this shore. If you join the Fellowship, at least you will have foreknowledge of the dangers to be faced, and protection of the others. You can help ensure their success."
"You realize I haven't seen the movie in years? I'm not sure how anything goes anymore. I only saw the Easter Egg when my friend sent me a link recently." she pleaded.
"Not a problem. You'll have plenty of time to recollect the events of the tale." Gandalf put in.
"We should get you prepared. Have you any skill in weapons?" Lord Elrond asked.
She glared at him. "Me? Hell no. I'm only dangerous to a steak with a knife, but that's it."
"For what purpose have you been observing the men's training then?" he asked.
"Hello; have you seen the beef-cakes out there? They're scrumptious."
"Maybe your observations have picked up something other than the attractiveness of my men." he said, eyebrow raised.
"I wouldn't count on it. They're hot stuff." she muttered.
"I'll be sure to pass your complements along." he countered.
...
The next day she turned up at the familiar training field for instruction. Aragorn and Legolas were waiting for her. She'd flatly refused to wear a dress. Not a chance. If they were forcing her to do this, she would at least wear comfortable clothing. Besides, who would fight in a dress?
Aragorn stood before a selection of weapons. "Try lifting each one of these, we'll see how you can handle them." As Tabatha worked her way down the line, Aragorn commented. "She'll have to use an elven blade; the others are too heavy for her. Twin knifes might be better, it's less weight in each arm."
Legolas responded "Knives are up close and personal. But they are easier in tight spaces."
She protested "I don't want to be up close and personal to anything violent."
"Legolas, you could teach her the bow first. It maintains distance, without leaving her defenseless."
He looked at Tabatha in hesitation. She grinned, "I promise I won't bite." She winked. He didn't look comforted. Aragorn 's lips twitched, trying to prevent a smile.
After showing her how to string a bow, Legolas tried to correct her position. He repeatedly demonstrated the correct position, but she wasn't able to connect the dots.
"Help me damn it!" she exclaimed in frustration. "Don't just show me, I'm not getting it."
"I'll have to touch you." Legolas warned.
"So touch me then!" she said, rolling her eyes at him.
He bent down to reposition her foot angle. He gripped her hips, twisting them slightly towards him. She glanced at him, eyes darting to catch his for a moment. A pause, before he stepped back, walking behind her. He moved her left arm over, before gripping both shoulders, and rolling them down, stacking them over her hips.
"Good, now release."
Tabatha let the arrow fly. It sailed through the air, missing the target entirely.
"Never mind where it's landing. We'll focus on your posture first. Again."
Many hours later, Tabatha was ready to kill him. If only she could raise her arms.
...
Tabatha was starting to gather things into a pack for the journey ahead. She went through her mental checklist, before realizing a key missing item. She sought out Arwen immediately.
She opened the conversation with "Arwen, I need a dildo." Tabatha plunked down beside her on a bench.
"A dildo? What is this dildo?" she asked, already wincing.
"You know, a masturbatory aid. You can't expect me to go on this journey with 9 males without something? I'd jump the lot of them. Well, not Gandalf. That's just creepy. But at least 3 of them won't make a week before I'd tie someone up and take advantage of them." A Cheshire grin on her face at the possibilities. "You have to help me!" she asked fervently. "Help them!"
"Are they truly in such danger?" she wondered, eyes wide.
"Maybe not, I'm not into noncon (non-consensual sex), but if I don't get something soon, I'm going to explode. Sexual frustration's far worse than PMS, believe me. Elrond's just lucky I have only been ogling the merchandise, and not making payments."
...
Twenty minutes later they were at the wood carver's, explaining what a dildo was.
"You want to have sex with a tree?" he asked, face beet red, an appalled expression on his face.
"Absolutely. Here's what I need you to carve." she drew in the ground a rough shape, "Realistic and generous please. I'm used to a vibrator. And make sure there's no slivers either. I'd hate to ask the guys for a retrieval operation; they're still rather innocent. I can't corrupt them too quickly." She winked at him. "There'd be nothing to corrupt for me later."
His eyes shot up. "As you request milady." He said addressing Arwen, studiously avoiding Tabatha's gaze." I'll have it finished by dinner hour."
"Great. I can take it for a test drive tonight then." Tabatha exclaimed.
The wood carver looked faintly nauseous.
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1 /2 /3 MTV Easter Egg of the Council of Elrond.