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Malgrath PM
Joined Dec '17

Friends or Best friends

FRIENDS: never ask anything to eat or drink

BEST FRIENDS: Help themselves and is the reason you never have any food

FREINDS: Call your parents Mr. Mrs. and grandma and grandpa


FRIENDS:Would bail you out of jail at 2 A.M

BEST FRIENDS:Would be sitting next to you saying "DAMN we really messed up!"

FRIENDS:Would leave you if you were a criminal.

BEST FRIENDS:Are the ones you call in the middle of the night to tell them you killed someone and they would say "SHIT, what we gonna do with the body??"

FRIENDS:Would help you up if you fell

BEST FRIENDS:Would laugh at you and trip you again

FRIENDS:Never seen you cry

BEST FRIENDS:Won’t tell anyone else you cry... just laugh about it when you’re not down anymore

FRIENDS:Ask you to write down you number

BEST FRIENDS:Has you on speed dial

FRIENDS:Borrows your stuff and gives it back a few days later

BEST FRIENDS:Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad ... Here’s a tissue"

FRIENDS:Look at you in disapproval when you do somethingreallystupid.

BEST FRIENDS:Will be at your side doing something stupid with you.

FRIENDS:Only know a few things about you

BEST FRIENDS:Could write a very embarrassing biography about your life

FREINDS:Will leave you behind if that’s what everyone else is doing

BEST FRIENDS:Will kick the whole crowd asses that left you

FRIENDS:Would knock on your front door

BEST FRIENDS:Would walk right in and say ,"IM HOME what we having for dinner?"

FRIENDS:Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.

BEST FRIENDS:Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FRIENDS:You have to tell them not to tell

BEST FRIENDS:Already know not to tell

FRIENDS:Are through high school /college (drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS:Are for life

FRIENDS:ask you why you're crying

BEST FRIENDS:already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.

BEST FRIENDS:Will knock the shit out of them!

FRIENDS:would say "She wasn't good enough for you"

BEST FRIENDS:would walk up to the person who broke your heart and yell at the top of there lungs "IT'S BECAUSE YOUR GAY ITSN'T IT!!"

FRIENDS:Will be there to take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough

BEST FRIENDS:Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, “drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste”

FREINDS:Will ignore this

BEST FRIENDS:Will repost this shit

Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off.

This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one.

When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Archaeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

When Ranma Saotome killed the Phoenix God King Saffron, Chuck Norris, being a half a world away, looked up in pride, smiled and said “that’s my boy!”

Chuck Norris has a Chance in Hell. Originally the Joker was Chuck’s arch-foe, but one roundhouse kick later, his skin turned white, his hair green and he headed for Gotham. You really want to know how Joker got those scars? Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face.

The reason why Outworld hadn’t went for their tenth win against Earth realm is because Raiden threatened to get Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can defeat Darkside’s optic blasts with a roundhouse kick. (There os a pic of this on )

Chuck got Sparda, Dante’s father, out of hell.

Master Chief is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was sent ten thousand years to the past, met and married a goddess who in turn gave him a daughter. We know the child as: Sailor Moon.

Chuck doesn't wash his dishes, they get clean out of fear.

Chuck Norris trained Goku.

Chuck Norris never has to load any guns he uses, they teleaport into the the gun so it's never empty.

Chuck Norris and The DoomSlayer. Bros since 10,000BC.

Murphy's Laws of Combat

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.

2. Incoming fire has the right of way.

3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.

4. There is always a way.

5. The easy way is always mined.

6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

7. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:

a. When you're ready for them.

b. When you're not ready for them.

9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.

10. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.

11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

12. A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down.

13. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

16. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.

17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

18. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone.

19. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

20. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

21. Friendly Fire Isn't.

1. Pillage, then burn.

2. A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.

3. An ordnance technician at a dead run outrankseverybody.

4. Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.

5. Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.

6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.

7. If the food is good enough, the grunts will stop complaining about the incoming fire.

8. Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.

9. Never turn your back on an enemy.

10. Sometimes the only way out is through. . . through the hull.

11. Everything is air-droppable at least once.

12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.

13. Do unto others.

14. "Mad Science" means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?"

15. Only you can prevent friendly fire.

16. Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.

17. The longer everything goes according to plan, the bigger the impending disaster.

18. If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear.

19. The world is richer when you turn enemies into friends, but that's not the same as you being richer.

20. If you're not willing to shell your own position, you're not willing to win.

21. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow.

22. If you can see the whites of their eyes, somebody's done something wrong.

23. The company mess and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.

24. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a big gun.

25. If the damage you do is covered by a manufacturers warranty, you didn't do enough damage.

Amended: If a manufacturer's warranty covers the damage you did, you didn't do enough damage.

26. "Fire and Forget" is fine, provided you never actually forget.

27. Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.

28. If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid for bringing ammunition home with you.

29. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.

30. A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.

31. Only cheaters prosper.

32. Anything is amphibious if you can get it back out of the water.

33. If you're leaving tracks, you're being followed.

34. If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.

35. That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.

Amended: That which does not kill me has made a tactical error.

36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.

37. There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'

Amended: There is no "overkill." There is only "open fire" and "reload."

38. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients.

Amended: What's easy for you can still be hard on your clients.

39. There is a difference between spare parts and extra [parts].

40. Not all good news is enemy action.

41. “Do you have a backup?” means “I can’t fix this.”

42. "They'll never expect this" means "I want to try something stupid."

43. If it's stupid and it works, it's still stupid and you're lucky.

44. If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool.

45. The size of the combat bonus is inversely proportional to the likelihood of surviving to collect it.

46. Don’t try to save money by conserving ammunition.

47. Don't expect the enemy to cooperate in the creation of your dream engagement.

48. If it ain't broke, it hasn't been issued to the infantry.

49. Every client is one missed payment away from becoming a targetand every target is one bribe away from becoming a client.

50. If it only works in exactly the way the manufacturer intended, it is defective.

51. Let them see you sharpen the sword before you fall on it.

52. The army you've got is never the army you want.

53. The intel you've got is never the intel you want.

54.The best way to win a one-on-one fight is to be the third to arrive.

Amended: It's only too many troops if you can't pay them.

55. It's only too many weapons if they're pointing in the wrong direction.

56. Infantry exists to paint targets for people with real guns.

57. Artillery exists to launch large chunks of budget at an enemy it cannot actually see.

58. The pen is mightiest when it writes orders for more swords.

59. "Two wrongs is probably not going to be enough."

60. Any weapon's rate of fire is inversely proportional to the number of available targets.

61. Don't bring big grenades into small rooms.

62. Anything labeled "This end toward enemy" is dangerous at both ends.

63. The brass knows how to do it by knowing who can do it.

64. An ounce of sniper is worth a pound of suppressing fire.

65. After the toss, be the one with the pin, not the one with the grenade.

66. Necessity is the mother of deception.

67. If you can't carry cash, carry a weapon.

68. Negotiating from a position of strength does not mean you shouldn’t also negotiate from a position near the exits.

69. Sometimes rank is a function of firepower.

70. Failure is not an option - it is mandatory. The option is whether or not to let failure be the last thing you do.

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