My name is anna
i like Naruto, Beylade, Harry Potter, Xiolin Showdown, True Blood and Pirates of the Carribbean
this isstuff i found on others profiles and liked
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Help Bunny achieve World Domination by copying this into your profile
If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If there are times where you annoy people just for the fun of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you believe that over half of all you say/write/think doesn't come out right and is complete stupidity, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you thinkSnape is GOOD, copy this into your profile.
If you are a Jack Sparrow fan, copy this into your profile.
If you hate Paris Hilton, copy this into your profile.
I AM IN SIRIUS DENIAL! SIRIUS IS NOT DEAD! AND I WILL NOT LET YOU SAY OTHERWISE! If you too are in Sirius denial then copy and paste this into your profile. Because Denial is not just a river in Egypt!
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear
I am the man who fears that I will never be able to be myself, to be free of this secret because I wont risk loosing my family and friends.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didnt have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I dont believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends im a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to teach me a lesson
IF YOU BELIEVE THAT HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG REPOST THIS
‘In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought?...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)’
On a clipping pen: Not For Climbing(okay, i just want to know who would be stupid enough to try this!! i mean it's a pen, come on!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.
Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren’t, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minomoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy The Mary-Sue Slayer, Random Little Writer, SamanthaFantasyFan, EdwardAddict, Supergirrl, Elemental-ANimal, Mother Nature’s Daughter, Schmerg_The_Impaler, MissyQuill, Miss Sophie Potter, pirategypsy
If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.
If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy and paste this into your profile
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile
-If you’re one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.
-If you’ve been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile
-If you don’t watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
You know you live in 2008 when...
1. You go to a party, sit down and take MySpace pics.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don’t have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace.
4. You’d rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.
7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.
8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.
9. You were too busy to notice number five.
10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.
11. And now you’re laughing at your stupidity.
12. Put this in your profile if you fell for it. You know you did.
It is a mistake to think that you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." -Douglas Adams
"It's better to fail in originality, than to succed in imitation."- Herman Melville
"I smile because I have no idea what's going on."- a tee shirt
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not."-Kurt Cobain
"Even the best fall down sometimes."- Howie Day" Collide"
Harry: "Don't be silly, Hermonie. We need to confront the monster ourselves and risk getting hospitalized, just like we always do."
Ron: "I want to fix that in my memory forever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."
Ron:"Well, I don't know how to break this to you, but I think they might have noticed we broke into Gringotts."
Ron:"Bless him (Kreacher), and when you think I used to fantasize about cutting off his head and sticking it to the wall!"
Harry: "I don't go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me."
Harry: "Brilliant! It's Potions last thing on Friday! Snape won't have the time to poison us all!"
Harry:(talking about his aunt and uncle) "Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious..."
Harry: "Warrington's aim's so pathetic I'd be more worried if he was aiming for the person next to me."
Fred and George: "We tried to shut him in a pyramid, but Mum spotted us."
Hermione and the twins: Has Ron saved a goal yet?" asked Hermione.
"Well, he can do it if he thinks no one is watching him," said Fred, rolling his eyes. "So all we have to do is ask the crowd to turn their backs and talk among themselves every time the Quaffle goes up on his end Saturday."
Fred and George: "You don't want to bottle your anger up like that, Harry, let it all out," said Fred, beaming. "There might be a couple people fifty miles away who didn't hear you."
Fred and George: What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors?"
Hermine and the twins: "So top grade's O for 'Outstanding,'" she (Hermione) was saying, "and then there's A-"
"No, E," George corrected her, "E for 'Exceeds Expectations.' And I've always thought Fred and I should've got E in everything, because we exceeded expectations just by turning up for the exams."
Fred and George:"but the fact remains he (Voldemort) can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to.
The Marauder's Map: "Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that(Snape) ever became a professor."
Oliver Wood: "Bad news, Harry. I've just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She – er got a bit shirty with me. Told me I'd got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about staying alive. Just because I told her I didn't care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch first."
Molly wealsey: "I don't know where you learned about right and wrong, but you seem to have missed a few crucial lessons."
Neville: "I'll join you when hell freezes over."
Dumbledore: "I believe your friends Misters Fred and George Weasley were responsible for trying to send you a toilet seat. No doubt they thought it would amuse you."
Dumbledore: "To our newcomers," said Dumbledore in a ringing voice, stretching his hands wide and a beaming smile on his lips, "welcome! To our old hands -- welcome back! There is a time for speech-making, and this is not it. Tuck in!"
Dumbledore: "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. I could break out, of course, but what a waste of time, and frankly I can think of a whole host of things I'd rather be doing."
Copy and Paste all that Apply:
-If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie at least make one of them pretty.
-All work and no play means you will die in seven days... dun dun duuun
-I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous
-Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
-they say "guns dont kill people, people kill people.' Well, i think the gun helps, cuz if you just stood there and yelled BANG I dont think you'd kill too many people. So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?
-yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet
-save the earth. it's the only planet with chocolate.
- I've heard that its possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. (Besides, whats the fun in that?)
- No I won't go to hell! it has a restraining order against me
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
-when Life gives you lemons, through them back, because I mean really? who likes lemons?
-when Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.
- love your enemies. it pisses them off
- oops! did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?
- i used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out
-I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! but not my brain. I need that.
-life isnt passing me by; it's trying to run me over
-smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to
- i talk to myself because my answers are the only ones i accept!
- therapy is expensive. popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide
-i like the idea of karma. you can go around and do bad things to people all day assuming they deserve it
- excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it
-how long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on
-if superman is bulletproof why does he duck when you throw the gun at him?
-i live in my own little world. but it's ok, they know me there
-money can't buy happiness. it just buys everything you need to acheive it.
-three wise women would have stopped to ask for directions, got to the stable on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, cooked the dinner, and there would have been peace on earth
-if everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something
-you cry, i cry. you laugh, i laugh. you jump of a cliff, i laugh even harder
-education is important. school however, is another matter.
-it's not just your family. It's the whole idea of... you know. they're always telling you what to do and what not to do, and its not conductive to a creative atmosphere!
-Joey ate my last stick of gum. So I killed him... do you think that was wrong?
-all right, all right. I you have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timings right... and thats what deathbeds are for
- the man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on
"I am disinclined to aqquest to your requiest"- Captain Barbosa, "pirates of the Carribean
MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Why is the name for the fear of long words, hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, so long?
"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear it up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you."
"Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?” Anonymous
"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." Anonymous
"When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back." Anonymous
"Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it." Anonymous
"Sometimes, people just build walls up not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through." Anonymous
"I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes." Anonymous
"Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." –Anonymous
"Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway." -Elbert Hubbard
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!
When I say LOL I'm not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say.
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmasters office.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!
I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
92 percent of teens would stop breathing if Abrocrombie and Finch told them it was cool not to. If you are part of the 8 percent that would just laugh at them.
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen,xGabriellaxBoltonx, xEarlySunsetsOverMonroevillex, Smartest Girl In The World,'rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe',Zwergschnauzer, dablackfox10, BlackDemonAngel, creative-writing-girl13, 14hp1,pirategypsy
But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Harry Potter, who can express herself beter with words than with words, and knows the importance of the little things.
Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are diffrent and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone.
PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, creative-writing-girl13, 14hp1, miss sophie potter,pirategypsy
I got this of of another profile if you take the time to read anything let it be these three poems.
Her name was Auroura
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive
Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic
Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair
She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound
Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endore
A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?
But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die
She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
" God, why? Why is
My life always sinking? "
Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did
Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by
Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made
She thrust the blade
Right into her chest,
" You deserve to die
You worthless pest! "
The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying
Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse
One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor
It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms
If you hate child abuse, post this on your profile!!
Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
AndNow you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)or just ignore it and show people that the place your heart should be is bare
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)
My name is Tiffany
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can’t do a wrong
I can’t speak at all
Or else im locked up
All day long.
When im awake im all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren’t home
When my mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie’s bar.
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself
Against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now
I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And run to the door
He’s already locked it
And i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken,
"I’m sorry!", I scream
But its now much to late
His face has been twisted
Into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door
While i lay there motionless
Brawled on the floor
My name is Tiffany
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
And you can help
Sickens me top the soul,
And if you read this
and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness
Because you would have to be
One heartless person
To not be effected
By this Poem
And because you are effected,
Do something about it!
So all i ask you to do
Is pass this on!
IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE
'If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.'
'I can picture in my minds eye a world without war, a world without hate, and I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it-...'
'I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.'
-When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap them for annoying you in the first place.(so many ppeople deserve this, it's not even funny)
-Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!
-Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.
-Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.
-What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question...i wonder...
-I was thinking, while I was running...
About not hitting trees, I hope.
-The key to getting your mother to shut up!! IT'S BEEN SOLVED!! Here it is:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.
-I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. - Unknown
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." Douglas Adams
"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." - Dizzy Dean
don't regret doing things, regret getting caught
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him all weekend. - Zenna Schaffer
Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried. - Mae West
If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you can read that please put it in your profile.
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?
"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
Are marbles made of marble?
Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?
If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?
How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?
Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?
How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?
If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?
Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?
Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?
Which way does a compass point in space?
Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?
If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?
Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?
Can bald men get lice??
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the Universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a chair has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
WHO DOES THE WORK??
Who's working anyway?
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your butt,
At your computer, reading jokes.
'What the duece?" Stewie Griffin(Family Guy)
-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiousity was framed.
-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
-I used all my sick days, so I called in dead...
-the dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide
-your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend
-tell the truth and run
-The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!
-When in doubt, make up words!
-Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.
-If at first you don't succeed, Then skydiving isn't for you!
-You say I'm not cool. Cool is just another word for cold. If I'm not Cold then I'm Hot. I know I'm Hot. Thank You for embracing it!
-Come to the dark side, we have cookies!
-One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
-Give a person a fish and feed them for a day, teach them how to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks!
-the statistics of insanty is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're ok, then it's you! (...No, we're all insane. They made me that way!!)
-When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
-A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
-There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
where we are headed...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
- Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret.
- Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar
- I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month.
- Dear Harry, I hate you, Love Voldy
-Professer Flitwick's name is not Yoda
-I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class
-If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of the situation and draw a Dark Mark on their arm
-Neville: OMG I killed Harry Potter
(somewhere in the distance)
Voldemort: Nooooo! I wanted to do it! sob
-I stalked a death eater and all i got was this lousy potions master!
-I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand
-I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing
-I will not follow potions intstructions in reverse order just to see what happens
evaded death eaters...
killed by drapery.
A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, " You will die in seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run -bitch - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good freind never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best freind Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
A good freind Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. A best freind Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
A good freind Asks you to write down your number. A best freind Has you on speed dial.
A good freind Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best freind Loses your junk and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
A good freind Only know a few things about you. A best freind Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
A good freind Would knock on your front door. A best freind will Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions
A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
A friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.
A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.
A good freind hides me from the cops. A best freind is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.
A good freind lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best freind is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.
A good freind is only through school/college. A best freind is for life.
Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away
Best Friend: Won't let me go away
Friend: Will help me up when I fall down
Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me
Friend: Will bail me out of jail
Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"
Friend: Will go to a concert with me
Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me
Best Friends: Are 4 Ever
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer
If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile
Drugs are bad news. Spread the word.Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile
Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't, copy this into your profile.
If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile. :D
If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have ever shouted out the first thing that comes to mind, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever shouted out random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have sudden mood changes out of nowhere copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of teenagers drink or have been around alcohol, put this in your profile if you like MUFFINS!
If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
"It'll take time to restore chaos."(well, if you wanted to do it properly...)
"I know that human beings and fish can co-exist peacefully."(well, we have been for centuries, we catch them , and put them back, or eat them. let's keep up the good work, we could win a medal!)
"I won't be a lame duck unless of course Cheney shoots me in the leg."(no, you'd be a lame president, not a duck.)
"It's a one fingered victory salute."(okay, just out of mild curiosity, who flips a camera the bird? espacially while said camera may be rolling, LIVE)
15 Things to do when you're in Wal-Mart!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"
If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similiar, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile
If you have siblings that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile.
If you think that if girls should rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them as much.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?
I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die
i love deadlines. i like the wooshing noise they make as they fly past
I don't care if you're gay or straight, everybody needs love.
I don't care if you're diseased with an incurable sickness, everybody deserves a chance.
I don't care if you're ugly or pretty, everybody has flaws.
I don't care if you're black or white, everybody has the same capabilities.
I don't care if you're weird, everybody needs to change.
I don't care if you're rich or poor, everybody needs warmth.
I don't care if you're different, everybody is.
Good FRIENDS are hard to find,
Harder to leave,
And IMPOSSIBLE to forget,
is like a four-leaf clove,
Hard to find,
And lucky to have,
Are the sibilings,
God forgot to give us,
True friendship NEVER ends,
Friends are FOREVER,
Most people walk in and out of your life,
But only TRUE FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.
Think About It...
if you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window!
if two wrongs dont make a right, try three
whoever said nothing's impossible, they never tryed slamming a revoling door!
apparently 1 in 5 people are chinese, there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. it's ether my mum or dad. or my older brother steven. or my younger sister ho-chan-chu. but i think it's steven.
borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!
there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.
if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from?
if quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?'
whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
how is it possible to have a civil war?
if a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware?
Can you make a candle out of your earwax?
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
I hate cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you've ever read started to read a chapter in a fanfiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.
Eighty percent of Americans don't smoke. If you're one of that eighty percent, copy and paste this into your profile. (And PROUD of it!)
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If you ever forgot your name, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, and the people who kill the animals but don't use the meat, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you secretly believe (and hope) that J.K.R. is really a Hogwarts alumni pretending it is fictional, copy this into your profile.
If you blame a failing grade on A) the teacher hating you, B) being Confunded, C) anything but the fact that you didn't study, copy this into your profile.
If you want J.K.R. to make a series about the Marauders, copy this into your profile.
If you live in an imaginary world where Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius Black, Fred Weasley, Hedwig, Albus Dumbledore, Cedric Diggory, Mad-Eye Moody, Severus Snape, Colin Creevey, Dobby, and hey, while I'm at it, Lily and James, did NOT die and they lived forever and ever and ever and were always happy and were finished with anguish, turmoil and agony, then copy and paste this into your profile!
If you wish you were the creator of Harry Potter, copy this into your profile.
If you wish that your name was as interesting as Scorpius Malfoy, Sirius Black, Gellert Grindelwald, Lavender Brown, Ginevra Weasley, Albus Severus Potter or anything like Nymphadora, Andromeda, Narcissa or Bellatrix, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile. (from the profile of xNymphadoraxTonksx)
SEVERUS SNAPE IS GOOD! I STAND BY MY GREASY HARIED POTIONS MASTER! POST THIS IN YOUR PROFILE AND SPREAD THE TRUTH!
(') This, over here, is my amazing candle. I am lighting it to commerate the deaths of those 32 lives that were lost at Virginia Tech(from the profile of An-Jelly-Ca)
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile.
"I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better." - A. J. Liebling
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." - Frank Lloyd Wright
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse." Thomas Szasz
"There is a fine line between genius and insanity I have erased this line." - Oscar Levant
"Public speaking is the art of diluting a two minute speech with a two hour vocabulary." - Evan Esar
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Alva Edison
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." - Vince Lombardi
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home thought.
It is so nice and warm in here.
You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too.
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.
You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?
I can hear that doctor again.
I dont like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor calls it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me mommy?
Every Abortion Is Just...
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.
If your against abortion, re-post this
A Dads Poem
Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats. one by one the teacher called a student from the class. To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare. each of them was searching, for a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say, "Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her, she smiled up at her Mom and looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone. And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. "Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart"
With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress. And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life. Doing what was best for her, doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd. She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far. You see he was a fireman and died just this past year when airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day. And to her mother’s amazement, she witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt. Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star. And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.
‘They’ say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.
Send this to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgotten your friends.
Take the time...to live and love. Until eternity. May you be blessed.
Bushisms(or Bush quotes.) If this offends anyone I'm sorry, but I just think Bush isn't a great president, I don't really hate him, but he his kinda... mistake prone. I personally thinks he's a rather funny man( when he says stupid stuff). So, without further ado(or boredom by moi), some hilarious quotes by our funniest president to date.
"A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it." (but aren't you supposed to be ruling a democray...)
"Our nation must come together to unite." (nope, we have to split apart.)
"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here."(ummm, isn't that kinda hard to do, ordo have super extendable ears? :))
"They want the federal goverment to control Social Security like it's some sort of federal program."( okay, maybe the speech writer should be fired.)
"She's a west-Texas girl, just like me."(okay, he's talkinmg about some buissness assciates wife, who's from Texas, I just didn't know that he was a girl)
"It's your money, you paid for it."( okay, if we paid for it, that would make it someone else's money, not ours.)
"War's a dangerous place."(nope, it's a magical forest filled with bunnies and tea, and cookies.)
"During these last few months, I've been trained by Al Quida"(well, that would certainly explain the lack of catching certain terrorists...)
"I call upon all nations to to do whatever they can to stop these terrorist killers. Thank you, now watch this drive."( ummm, that would sorta defeat the purpose of looking for the terrorists, but dude concentrate on the reporter, not your golf score!)