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ShadowsOfHades
Biography
Joined Oct '18

Hello fellow life forms! I am ShadowsOfHades.

I like books, Marvel, Broadway, books, reading, writing fan fiction, books, watching cooking shows, Percy Jackson, books, Harry Potter, most dystopian series, My Hero Academia, and books.

This site will be used for my book-and-movie-related fanfics, like Percy Jackson and Artemis Fowl. For my My Hero Academia fanfics, check out my account on Archive of Our Own, which is under the same name (ShadowsOfHades). I also have an account on Wattpad (again, under ShadowsOfHades) which will have all of my fanfictions.


Hogwarts Profile: I am a Slytherin (and proud of it), and my patronus is a wolf; my wand is Blackthorn and Phoenix feather, 12.5 inches, and hard flexibility; my Ilvermorny House is the Horned Serpent (very mind-oriented)

Godly Heritage: I am a child of Hades (obviously), and a legacy of Athena, Mars, and Loki (don't hate)

Preferred Weapons: My enchanted Stygian Iron knives, my Dwarven Black Bow of Fate (shout out to Skyrim, the best game ever), and my magic staff

Faction: I am Divergent (aren't we all though?), a combination of Dauntless (I'm a HUGE adrenaline junkie), Erudite, and Abnegation

District: Four, fishing, because I love the ocean and I could never be in a factory job or a stifling job like working in a coal mine

Nation: I am a waterbender raised in the Fire Nation (honestly the fire nation has the best clothes, eye color, and culture in my opinion, but water is by far the most powerful element)

Quirk: (I got this idea from Ren Heart, another fanfiction author on here, so I can't take any credit) Dual Telepathy and Telekinesis, except that I can only use one at a time and there's a cool down that takes as long as I used it for (basically if I used it for an hour straight, it would have an hour cool down, but if I only used it for a second, it would only have a second-long cool down)

Superhero Name: Either Shade (because of my Hades powers, duh) or Lokasenna (it is 1. that flyting in Norse mythology where Loki verbally handed the Aesir's rear ends to them on a silver platter and 2. a beautiful, ethereal piece of music from the Thor: A Dark World soundtrack)


THE IMPORTANT STUFF

Favorite Book - Hmmm, even on a good day this is still nearly impossible, so top three in alphabetical order: 1984 by George Orwell, The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas, and the Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien

Favorite Series - Lord of the Rings (it was written like it was from the 1700s but was actually written in the mid-1900s and the story was so well written with all of its intertwining layers and subplotlines)(and have you seen the Silmarillion like WOW—)(also School for Good and Evil and Ready Player One get honorable mentions but I know they're not my favorite)

Favorite Movie - Either Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (one of the best book-to-movie adaptations ever created... Sean Astin and Viggo Mortensen were so good in their roles and Ian Mckellan was practically born to play Gandalf), or Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (come on, Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow? Yes please. And I LOVE Orlando Bloom as Will. And the music was SO GOOD THANK YOU HANS ZIMMER AND KLAUS BADELT)(It would have hands down been The Phantom of the Opera but the ending of the story disappointed me)

Favorite Reality TV Show - The Amazing Race (I'm a huge nerd fascinated by different cultures and languages and watching people race around the world doing culturally-themed challenges makes me want to travel the world and see it all for myself)

Favorite Sitcom - The Big Bang Theory (because again, I am a huge nerd)

Favorite Game Show - Jeopardy (do I really need to say it again)(I'm a nerd)(woooo big surprise)(you weren't expecting that were you?)

Favorite Anime - My Hero Academia (It's also the only anime I watch, so there's not much to choose from in this department)

Favorite Cartooon - Avatar: The Last Airbender (it was so well-written and the characters were done so well with unique backstories (not to mention the greatest redemption arc in history) and there was so much symbolism and historical context)

Least Favorite Book - The Cursed Child (JKR could have done so much better with this... instead it was confusing, had no real meaning, and made no sense at all)(Mockingjay gets honorable mention because it was SO RUSHED SERIOUSLY)(and also Heartless by Marissa Meyer because the book was fantastic until the last fifty pages when she SPOILER ALERT killed off my favorite character)

Least Favorite Series - Twilight (Not only do I despise Edward and Bella, but what Stephanie Meyer did with Jacob's relationships disgusted me)

Least Favorite Movie - The Percy Jackson movies, definitely (they're both so bad that I'm just gonna lump them together)

Least Favorite TV Show - Gilmore Girls (My sister watches it and I had to leave the room because the writing was so cheesy and basic and the dialogue was super rushed)

Least Favorite Cartoon - Teen Titans Go! (The original Teen Titans was so good and then Cartoon Network completely ruined it)

Favorite Food Anything Chocolate (did you guys know that the word 'chocolate' means 'food of the gods'?)

Favorite Subject - History/Mythology (mythology is just so messed up it's amazing and history is fascinating)(also psychology)(and anything that includes literature discussions)(and math when I actually know what I'm doing)

Favorite Drink - Chai Tea Latte (the spices... and the depth of flavor... and the warmth... comfort in a mug)

Favorite Vacation Spot - Ireland (for reasons that will be explained later)

Favorite Color - Black (it's neutral, it's not bright, it goes with everything, and it hardly gets dirty)

Favorite Song - Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance (the harmony, and the instruments, and the melody, and the words are all fantastic)

Favorite Band/Artist - My Chemical Romance (I love their lyrics and their melodies and harmonies blend together so nicely)

Favorite Musical/Play - The Phantom of the Opera (the music is astounding and the story is so good and so sad)

Favorite Candy - Crunchie Bar (made by Cadbury)

Twilight Team - Jacob all the way (Edward is a creep, a pedophile, and super possessive)

CURRENT BOOK CRUSH: The Phantom (His name is Erik, in the book) from The Phantom of the Opera. He's strong, extremely intelligent (he's basically a genius) and a musical prodigy with a velvety, beautiful voice that I can never get tired of listening to. He also has murderous tendencies... and a dark underground lair in a lake with candles and a piano... and a suit with a tailcoat and cape... and a super tragic backstory... so he's got a unique aesthetic that I'm absolutely in love with. Besides, Erik is such a noble name, don't you think?

CURRENTLY READING:
Fanfiction: Embers by Vathara on Ao3, The Chaos Chronicles by @-rose-petals (E.) on Wattpad, Reading Percy Jackson by Lorixjake on Ao3
Real: Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, Emma by Jane Austen

DOWN ONCE MORE TO THE DUNGEONS OF MY BLACK DESPAIR

DOWN WE PLUNGE TO THE PRISON OF MY MIND

DOWN THAT PATH TO THAT DARKNESS DEEP AS HELL!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

P.S. Kudos if you get the reference :)


FAVORITE CHARACTERS

HP - Snape, Draco, Sirius, Remus, Luna, Bellatrix

PJO - Percy, Leo, Nico, Apollo

MCU - Loki, Captain America (Steve), Dr. Strange, The Winter Soldier (Bucky), Ant Man (Scott), Spiderman

LotR - Frodo, Samwise, Aragorn, Legolas, Gandalf

Twilight - Jacob, Seth

Divergent - Uriah

Hunger Games - Gale (why does everyone hate him?), Cinna, Rue, Haymitch (everyone just sees him as a useless drunk when he's actually so much more than that), Johanna

Renegades - Adrian, Nova, Phobia, Oscar

Lunar Chronicles - Cinder, Cress, Wolf, Thorne

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Zuko, Sokka, Azula, Toph, Iroh

My Hero Academia - Izuku Midoriya, Shouto Todoroki, Hitoshi Shinsou, Shouta Aizawa, Eijirou Kirishima

The School for Good and Evil - Agatha, Hester, Dot

DCCU - Aquaman, Batman

Phantom of the Opera - The Phantom

Les Miserables - Jean Valjean, Fantine, Gavroche, Eponine

The Maze Runner - Thomas, Newt, Minho

Artemis Fowl - Artemis II (a protagonist with flat-out grey morals and no hero complex who's actually interesting to follow)

Miraculous - Marinette/Ladybug, Adrien/Chat Noir, Tikki, Plagg


LEAST FAVORITE CHARACTERS

HP - Ron, Percy, Umbridge, Harry

PJO - Octavian, Gabe (headcanon that Gabe abused Percy too and it was a part of their 'guy secret' so he's a CHILD ABUSER)

MCU - Star Lord/Peter Quill, Odin (I dare someone to try and convince me that he didn't emotionally abuse Loki)

LotR - Saruman

Twilight - Bella, Edward

Divergent - Caleb

Hunger Games - Peeta

Renegades - Genissa Clark (Frostbite), Gargoyle, Ingrid (the Detonator)

Lunar Chronicles - Linh Adri (she emotionally abuses Cinder), Linh Pearl

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Katara, Mai, Ozai (also a CHILD ABUSER)

My Hero Academia - Mineta, Endeavor (also a CHILD ABUSER seriously what is wrong with entertainment these days)

The School for Good and Evil - Tedros, Sophie

DCCU - Superman (he's way too overpowered and 'righteous' for my tastes)

Phantom of the Opera - Raoul, Carlotta

Les Miserables - Cosette

The Maze Runner - Teresa, Gally

Artemis Fowl - Angeline, Orion, Opal Koboi

Miraculous - Lila, Chloe, Manon


FAVORITE SHIPS

HP - Severus/Lily, Luna/Neville

PJO - Percy/Apollo (it is such an underrated quality ship and there is not nearly enough content with it), Nico/Will

MCU - Natasha/Bruce, Wanda/Vision, Tony/Pepper, Steve/Sharon Carter

LotR - Aragorn/Arwen

Twilight - Bella/Jacob

Divergent - Christina/Will (it would also be Tris/Four, but they moved way too fast in my opinion)

Hunger Games - Gale/Katniss, Finnick/Annie

Renegades - Adrian/Nova

Lunar Chronicles - Cinder/Kai, Cress/Thorne, Scarlet/Wolf

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Zuko/Sokka

My Hero Academia - Izuku Midoriya/Shouto Todoroki, Eijirou Kirishima/Katsuki Bakugou, Shouta Aizawa/Hizashi Yamada (Present Mic)

The School for Good and Evil - None

DCCU - Diana/Steve

Phantom of the Opera - Christine/Phantom (Erik)

Les Miserables - Jean Valjean/Fantine, Marius/Eponine

The Maze Runner - None

Artemis Fowl - Holly/Trouble Kelp

Miraculous - Marinette/Chat Noir, Ladybug/Chat Noir, Marinette/Adrien, Adrien/Ladybug (although all of these ships are technically the same sooooo MIRACULOUS LOVE SQUARE THAT'S NOT REALLY A LOVE SQUARE BECAUSE ALL OF THEM IN THE LOVE SQUARE ARE LITERALLY THE SAME PEOPLE)


LEAST FAVORITE SHIPS (Not including poly, incest, or pedophilic ships because those are the worst)

HP - Ron/Hermione, Draco/Harry (Draco is way too good for Harry)

PJO - Percy/Annabeth (dodges rotten tomatoes), Percy/Zoe, Percy/Bianca, Percy/Rachel

MCU - Rocket/Groot

LotR - Frodo/Samwise

Twilight - Bella/Edward, Jacob/Renesmee (not sure if these count as pedophilic so I'm going to put them anyways)

Divergent - None

Hunger Games - Katniss/Peeta

Renegades - None

Lunar Chronicles - None

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Zuko/Aang, Katara/Aang, Mai/Zuko

My Hero Academia - Endeavor/Yagi Toshinori (All Might), Yagi Toshinori (All Might)/Shouta Aizawa, Katsuki Bakugou/Izuku Midoriya

The School for Good and Evil - Agatha/Tedros, Agatha/Sophie, Sophie/The School Master

DCCU - Batman/Superman

Phantom of the Opera - Christine/Raoul

Les Miserables - Jean Valjean/Javert

The Maze Runner - Thomas/Teresa

Artemis Fowl - Holly/Artemis, Artemis/Opal

Miraculous - Chloe/Adrien, Lila/Adrien, Marinette/Luca, Adrien/Kagami


CHARACTER DEATH SPOILER ALERT: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK


CHARACTER DEATHS THAT I WISH DID NOT HAPPEN

HP - Snape, Sirius, Remus, Hedwig, Fred, Dobby

PJO - Beckendorf, Leo (not permanent but it counts), Jason, Bob, Damasen, Ethan Nakamura

MCU - Loki (multiple times), Captain America (not really a character death but it still counts to me), Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff

LotR - Smeagol/Gollum

Twilight - None

Divergent - Uriah

Hunger Games - Finnick, Rue, Prim

Renegades - Phobia

Lunar Chronicles - None

Avatar: The Last Airbender - None

My Hero Academia - None

The School for Good and Evil - None

DCCU - None

Phantom of the Opera - The Phantom (not confirmed but whatever)

Les Miserables - Jean Valjean, Fantine, Eponine, Gavroche

The Maze Runner - Chuck

Artemis Fowl - Artemis Fowl II (not permanent but it still counts)

Miraculous - None


CHARACTER DEATHS THAT I WISH HAD ACTUALLY HAPPENED

HP - Ron, Umbridge

PJO - Octavian

MCU - Star Lord/Peter Quill (They wouldn't even have needed Endgame if it weren't for him!)

LotR - None

Twilight - Edward

Divergent - Caleb

Hunger Games - Peeta

Renegades - None

Lunar Chronicles - None

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Ozai, General Fong

My Hero Academia - Endeavor, Mineta

The School for Good and Evil - Sophie, Tedros

DCCU - None

Phantom of the Opera - Raoul

Les Miserables - None

The Maze Runner - Teresa

Artemis Fowl - None

Miraculous - Lila


SPOILERS OVER

*I copied most of this stuff from the8horcrux and Randomness96 but all of the answers to the quizzes and stuff are mine*


WRITER'S CHECKLIST

You have the last chapters of the story done without even thinking of the characters names.

You often imagine your books becoming movies.

Spell check is your best friend.

You'll spend an hour trying to find one word because you wouldn't dare use a synonym. If I use a word to describe a thing, and then use the exact same word to describe the exact same thing later in the story, I have to change it because it bothers me

Not being able to write is like not being able to pee, you just can't hold it in for very long.

You write so fast, you leave out words in a sentence.

Things that are written badly annoy you and make you want to rewrite them better.

You laugh at jokes you wrote yourself. I write less jokes, more sarcastic humor

You can spell words like 'troublesome' but can't spell 'the' half the time. The words "and" and "the" are teh banes of my existence (oh look I did it again)

If you are not writing or typing, your fingers are moving constantly.

When you have to write some sort of story in class, you get carried away and write like ten times more than everyone else, including the teacher. I'm not kidding; one time my teacher gave us a creative writing project with a six page limit, she gave me an extension, and I wound up writing 45 pages

You would rather die than use words like 'good' or 'nice' and etc.

You put off the last chapter of a story because you don't want it to end.

If a story, movie, show, etc, finishes without a suitable ending, you have a powerful need to write it better. Isn't that what most fanfiction is though?

You like to fidget, tap, or chew on the tip of something when you are trying to come up with a new sentence, paragraph, chapter, or story.

You are in love with the Thesaurus.

You dream of new stories.

You often revisit some of your old stories. And I have a powerful urge to rewrite them because they're terrible

Someone can call your name twenty times and you still don't hear them if they're writing.

You would rather write than go out.

Your/you're and their/there/they're are errors that send you into an apoplectic fit. They bother me so much... I hate when other writers discount them and don't pay attention to them because they are different words with different meanings

You get cranky if you don't get to write that day. I may or may not use the times when I'm supposed to be paying attention to get in my daily quota

You've heard/seen/thought something and thought, I need to write that down.

You wake up in the middle of the night and scrabble for a pen and paper you keep next to your bed to write down a scene to make the voices be quiet so you can get some sleep. What do you mean, wake up? I'm still awake in the middle of the night because INSOMNIA

Getting a scene finished is more important than the bathroom or food.

A blank wall becomes a screen where the scene you're writing plays write in front of your eyes.

Even though you try your hardest to resist, you sometimes find yourself correcting your own grammar.

You've apologized out loud to a character after doing something horrible to them.

Score: 24/27


GUY/GIRL QUIZ

GUY

you love hoodies Whoever invented the hoodie should be given a Nobel Prize

you love jeans

dogs are better than cats. My dog Jameson is the best dog; he has anger issues and he gives literal hugs

it's hilarious when people get hurt Does this make me a bad person

you've played with/against boys on a team

shopping is torture It depends

at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter

you own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega

sad movies suck

you own/ed an X-Box I have a PS3 and that's a console gaming system so I'm saying yes

played Hotwheel cars as a kid

you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers

you watch sports on Tv I'll watch most sports, just not soccer, track, or golf, also known as the most boring sports on the face of the Earth (and to be honest I'm not too big on boxing or fake wrestling)

you go to your dad for advice

you own like a trillion baseball caps

you like to go to high school football games

you used to/do collect football/soccer/baseball cards I just never understood the point; I can look up all of their stats online if I don't already have them memorized (my parents actually call me the walking ESPN app)

baggy pants are cool to wear

it's kinda weird to have a sleepover with a bunch of people I'll do it with 4 at most; any more just make it uncomfortable

green, black, red, blue or silver are one of your favorite colors All of them are great

you love to go crazy and not care what people think

you love sports Hockey, college wrestling, and American football are the best, plus Formula 1

you talk with food in your mouth

sleep with your socks on at night I do sometimes but other times I don't

Score: 18/25

GIRL

cats are better than dogs No way on Earth. Cats are devil spawn.

you wear lip gloss/chapstick Nope

you love to shop Again, depends

you wear eyeliner

you wear the color pink

you go to your mom for advice

you consider cheerleading a sport Not really...

you hate wearing the color black How could anyone hate wearing black? It goes with everything except Navy, and navy is a great substitute if black is unavailable

you like hanging out at the mall

you like getting manicure and/or pedicures they feel so good afterwards, like all the stress in your body just melts away... Even my dad loves pedicures, and he's not big on froufrou stuff like that

you like wearing jewelry

skirts are a big part of your wardrobe

shopping is one of your favorite hobbies

you don't like the Star Wars movies It is an outrage that anyone would even consider saying yes to this question

you were in gymnastics/dance in grade 2 My mom was a gymnast so she wanted me to try it

it takes you around/about one hour to shower and get dressed

you smile a lot more than you should

you have more than ten pairs of shoes

you care about what you look like Only on important occasions

you like wearing dresses when you can

you like wearing body spray/cologne/perfume

you love the movies I feel like this is kind of gender neutral

you used to play with dolls as a kid Dolls are terrifying

like putting make up on someone else for the joy/joke of it

like being the star of everything

Score: 3/25


THE 27 COMMANDMENTS OF FANFICTION

1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for spelling and grammar errors. The Fanfction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for a reason.

2. Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses. Forget 100, I'm disappointed if an author posts a chapter less than 1,000 words

3. Thou shalt not put Author's Notes in the middle of a story.

4. Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a story, unless the thy characters are actually texting. This bothers me more than I care to admit

5. Thou shalt keepeth to one tense, and one only, throughout thy story. Do not switch randomly.

6. Applyeth the above five to POV's as well. I don't mind when POVs change by chapter, just not in the middle of a chapter, and it has to make sense

7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing in thy story. It probably is quite funny.

8. Thou shalt not use ,;, or :( to show the emotion exhibited by the character.

9. Thou shalt try to keep thy characters in character!

10. Thou shalt not treat every criticism as a flame.

11. The Authors Note is not a spot for personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so.

12. Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase 'first fic' in the summary. I actually don't mind this... just don't make it obvious

13. Thy created characters must not have names exceeding five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name exceed five words in length.

14. Thou shalt not inserteth thyself into thine story as a character- yes, we know that thou art in love with thyself but we don't need to read about how thou endeth up with the main character. I hate self-inserts, as well as stories where an OC is the main character; it just rubs me the wrong way

15. If thou art writing a story that differs from the original plot line, thou shalt point it out in the beginning.

16. Thou shalt not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason).

17. Thou shalt show not tell.

18. Thou shalt NEVER use the phrase 'I suck at summaries' in-est thy summary. This annoys thy readers.

19. Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est—writing is an art.

20. Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word 'Okay', right. ' 'K' and 'Ok' are not acceptable compromises.

21. Thou shalt only use cliches when a) thou art writing a parody and b) find a new and interesting twist to make cliches bearable to thy readers.

22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thy readers will be confus-ed.

23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THY READERS AND THE FANFICTION GODS. THOU HAST AN ENTER KEY FOR A REASON.

24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and angels to weep.

25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before thou writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story.

26. Thou shalt not say in thy summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside.

27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thy readers. I made that mistake with my first fanfiction; someone pointed it out to me in a review, so I read the story through the eyes of a regular reader and I was horrified


WAYS TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

6. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

7. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

8. Order a Diet Water when you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

10. Sing Along At The Opera. I actually do this I'm not kidding

11. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

14. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

16. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity:

Copy and Paste This To Make People who read bios Smile.


Advice That Will Save Your Life In A Not-Boring Way

-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

-There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Waffles in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.

-It's not my fault it fell! Gravity made it go down and Newton discovered gravity, so blame Newton!

-I'm going to live forever, or die trying.

-You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than one person also running from the bear.

-If I had something good to say, I would have already said it.

-Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

-Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.

-Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

-Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.

-I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.

-Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice? The epitome of laziness right here

-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

-They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." But I think a gun helps, you know? If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people, would you? Whoever said words don't hurt was absolutely right

-I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear it up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you! This is why I play Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock

-Although a gun would beat all three... *pulls out M60* Bye bye, bitches.

-That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.

-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

-I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'

-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you exactly why it's not.

-I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. I think Einstein managed to do that, too...

-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

-There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. Teachers must live by this rule. I know I do...

-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.

-I'm the type of person who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago my parents look at me like I'm crazy when I do

-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dyslexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

-Whoever said that nothing's impossible obviously hasn't tried slamming a revolving door.

-Whoever said "Words don't hurt" obviously hasn't gotten a hard-back encyclopedia thrown at his head before.

-If you can't beat 'em, join'em. If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If you can't kill 'em, you’re screwed.

-Rhetorical questions are persuasive, aren't they?

-He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke at first.

-Silence is gold. Duct tape is silver.

-If you do it, you'll regret it. If you don't do it, you'll regret it. Either way, you're still gonna regret it, so why not just do it?

-I looked up at the stars one night and thought, "Where the heck did my ceiling go?!"

-As an older, more mature adult, your job is to...make fun of the little kids!

-There are easier things in life than finding a good lover. Like nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

-Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster. Sorry.

-What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you realize that you're on fire? Do you remember to stop, drop and roll? Or do you just start running around in circles, screaming, "I'M ON FIRE!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!"

-If a safety pin, duct tape or a band-aid can't fix it, then you have a serious problem.

-There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird. And then there's Gollum

-Three people can keep a secret if two are dead.

-A man walked into a bar and said..."OUCH!!"

-War doesn't determine who's right, it determines who's left.

-Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

-Come to the dark side, we have cookies!

-I went to the dark side. Yeah, they lied about the cookies. And yet I'm still there...

-OH MY GOSH! THE RAIN'S WET! Query: Is water wet? In my opinion, no it isn't. It makes things wet, but it is not wet itself

-I'm not AD--Ooh, look, a butterfly!

-ADOST: Attention Deficit-Ohh Shiny Thing

-I reject your reality and substitute it with my own.

-Be the kind of person that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the devil goes, "Uh oh..."

-It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces. It is a skill I possess in spades, along with the inherent ability to choke on air

-ADHD writer: Once upon a -- no...There was once a -- no...THE END! .

-You know you're a geek when procrastination doesn't affect your grades. I'm a geek and proud of it

-The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. I don't blame them

-I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.

-I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.

-I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking too good, either.

-Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

-Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. The number of times I've tried this... unfortunately I have stubbornly good (or bad, depending on perspective) aim

-It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

-Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.

-This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.

-I didn't say you were stupid, I said you are stupid. There's nothing past tense about it.

-People say that it's always in the last place you look. I'd like to see someone find something in the first place they look and then keep looking for it.

-Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

-Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, but it only takes four muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head.

-I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

-You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

-The voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous: you suck.

-When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you

-I hear your silence loud and clear.

-Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with the Crested Sword of Q-tip again.

-If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

-There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

-I don't steal money from my parents. Everyone knows that grandmas have more.

-Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

-Help I've fallen and I can't...hey nice carpet!

-We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do.

-You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

-There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

-Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive

-Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

-A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths

-The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

-'I would love to have a battle of the wits with you but you appear unarmed.


THINGS THAT MAKE YOU CONTEMPLATE LIFE

-Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

-Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

-Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

-Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

-Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

-If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

-If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? I asked this one to my family and we actually started debating it

-So what's the speed of dark?

-How come abbreviated is such a long word?

-Cheese: milk's leap toward immortality.

-A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. Shouldn't that be where the work stops?

-If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

-Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men? Who even really uses the post office anymore?

-How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

-Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

-If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

-If you try to fail, and you succeed, which have you done?

-Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

-Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

-Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

-Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

-Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?

-Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?

-Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?

-If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

-Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

-Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?

-If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

-Why is it that 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, it's encouraged!?

-Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?

-If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

-Can bald men get lice?

-Why do people say, 'every last one'? There's only one last one, and every last one implies that there are multiple 'ones', so there can't be an every last one, unless there is only one thing, in which case the 'every last one' phrase would be unnecessary. I prefer 'every single one'

-Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

-Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

-Why do people say that 'life is short'? Life is the longest thing you'll ever experience.

-Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

-Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

-"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

-Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

-Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

-Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Or those two ticks

-Why do sheep not shrink when it rains?

-How can something be 'new and improved'? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

-Why are they called "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

-If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?

-Why is it called common sense if it's so rare?

-Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?


THINGS TO MAKE YOU QUESTION SOCIETY'S INTELLIGENCE

1. Dog Medication: Warning: Use care when operating a vehicle. Don't worry, my dog has his driver's license

2. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep away from children. Who uses it then?

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping. I–what?

4. Candle: Warning: A burning candle is fire. Even Ariel is smarter than this idiot; she's never seen fire and at least asks why it burns

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking. Wouldn't really call this a warning... unless you die if you don't cook it... and in order to put that on the label then someone must have died from not cooking it...

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not to be used as protection from a tornado. Did someone actually try this?

7. Frisbee: Warning: May contain small parts. Have I been using a frisbee wrong all my life?

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep out of children. Well I should hope so

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. So the government prosecutes dead people? Somehow I'm not surprised

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping. What dummy decided that this was a good idea?

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regular soap. This makes me wonder what irregular soap is

12. Puzzle: Warning: Some assembly required. Oh really. I had no idea.

13. On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. Well there goes my time for doing hair

14. On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. Don't worry; it's just a suggestion!

15. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): Do not turn upside down. Too late

16. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Warning: Product will be hot after heating. Is that not what the word 'heat' means?

17. On packaging for a Rowena iron: Warning: Do not iron clothes on body. Again, what idiot tried this?

18. On Rolex Scooter: Warning: This product moves when used. It saddens me that some people would think otherwise

19. On most Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. Is there another type of 'doors' that society doesn't know about?

20. On Sainsbury Peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts. Actually peanuts are not nuts, they are seeds. So there.

21. On Swedish chainsaw: Warning: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. So I guess no mini-morons will be running around Sweden any time soon

To all of you that enjoyed this particular sector, I urge you to check out Bill Engvall's stand-up comedy routine entitled "Here's Your Sign." It's full of this type of stuff and just makes fun of stupid people in general


PERCY JACKSON QUIZ

1. Percabeth or Perachel?

I don't really ship it anymore, but I have to answer Percabeth. Perachel can go die in a hole.

2. Favorite guy character?

My favorite is Percy, but that's everyone's favorite, so I'm also going to say Nico.

3. Favorite girl character?

I don't know... I don't really have a favorite... Probably either Hazel or Clarisse

4. Favorite non-Big Three god?

Apollo. He's one of the funnier gods, but his love life was miserable and I think he's actually a pretty deep god if you look for it.

5. Favorite goddess?

Hestia. I think we all know why.

6. Zeus, Poseidon, or Hades?

Sorry Dad, I love you, but I gotta say Poseidon for this one, since he's the cool uncle who won't kill his nieces or nephews for trespassing in areas that literally MILLIONS of people go to every day (yes, millions of people go to the Underworld; think about it for a second)

7. Is Luke hot?

No. Just no. Although his scar is pretty cool...

8. Would you join the hunters?

Not really. Hunting seems cool, but I couldn't force myself to serve a goddess for all eternity (all of my loved ones would die without me).

9. Archery or sword fighting?'

Well, they both have their uses. Archery is long range while swords are short range, and they're both cool to watch in a fight since hardly anyone ever uses them anymore unless their technology is super outdated.

10. Iris Messaging or Hermes Express?

I don't know... Iris Messaging only works under certain conditions that are very hard to meet, but the Hermes Express isn't as aesthetically cool.

11. Favorite Minor God/Goddess?

Either Thanatos or Hypnos. Though he's known as the god of Death, Thanatos is actually the god of PEACEFUL death, which is definitely the way I want to go, and Hypnos is the god of sleep, which I could definitely use more of.

12. Favorite book?

PJO: The Lightning Thief
HoO: Son of Neptune
ToA: Haven't read them all
Entire series: Son of Neptune

13. Least favorite?

PJO: The Titan's Curse
HoO: Blood of Olympus
ToA: Haven't read them all
Entire series: Blood of Olympus

14. Would you like to live year-round at Camp Half-Blood, or just in the summer?

Probably just the summer. I'd still want to see family and go to school and all that.

15. Favorite couple?

Canon: Will and Nico
Non-Canon: Percy and Apollo

16. Are you a demigod?

Isn't it obvious?

17. Who would be your parent?

Hades. I mean come on people what is my name?

18. Favorite minor character?

Probably the Stoll twins. They live to cause chaos, which I can respect.

19. Ethan or Luke?

Luke; I spent the first book thinking he'd be an awesome older brother and then the rest of the series I actually support him in his desire to change the order of things (even if he went about it the wrong way)

20. Favorite monster?

Tyson (yes yes I know he's not really a monster at heart but he is technically a monster by genetics)

21. Camp Half-Blood or Camp Jupiter?

Camp Half-Blood. I'm definitely not Roman, and Camp Half-Blood is more like an actual summer camp, which seems more fun than a military base. Plus, I've always wanted to go to an overnight summer camp for a couple weeks


GODLY PARENT QUIZ

ZEUS (Jason and Thalia Grace)

You like being in charge I don't like being the center of attention unless either 1. I'm performing or 2. it's in a group of people that I know already

you often wish you could just zap someone with a thunder bolt I wish I could zap a lot of someones with a thunder bolt

you were voted Class President

you do what's best for everyone

you think you have what it takes to lead a country I think I have the conviction but I just can't deal with stupid people on a daily basis without losing what's left of my sanity

you think every problem has a solution

you love showing off

you like plane rides the longer the better, because the longer you fly the farther away your destination is, and when your destination is farther you get more traveling (plus on the super long ones you can sleep and they feed you)

you are hydrophobic I mean I'm a swimmer so it would be pretty sad if I was hydrophobic

Score: 3/9

POSEIDON (Percy Jackson)

you feel at home in the water

your favorite vacation place is at the beach Not my absolute favorite but I still love it

you enjoy snorkeling, scuba diving, surfing etc.

you want to do something about the marine species being abused today I mean it would be nice but it's not my top priority

you visit the local pool on a regular basis at 6:15 in the morning, yes

you swim professionally

you hate seafood Are you kidding I love seafood. Shrimp, lobster, calamari, octopus, tuna, oysters, crayfish, you name it

you never get seasick

You'd rather ride a boat than a plane I love boats since they're a much rougher ride than a plane (if you couldn't tell already I'm an extreme adrenaline junkie)

you are acrophobic Heights are exhilarating so no

Score: 7/10

HADES (Nico Di Angelo)

you're not that much of a people person

you like staying in the dark The light burns

you experience bad moods on a regular basis You know it's bad when your family is used to it

you like listening to loud angry music I love bands like Metallica/Disturbed/Three Days Grace/Skillet/Seether/Linkin Park/Godsmack

you spend most of your time alone

you think parties are something loud and annoying

you like to keep to yourself

all your closets are padlocked Just a few things, not all of them, because I don't want my sister getting into them (and potentially stealing my money on accident)

you write in a diary/journal I never really understood the point, and how is this a Hades thing?

you feel most active at night The only reason I'm awake during the day is because of the three cups of tea that I drink when I get out of bed

Score: 8.5/10 (Yay)

DEMETER (Katie Gardner)

You own a garden whispers: it's really my dad's, but he likes to say it's the family's so that he can get us to help out with it

You like the great outdoors It smells nice and I like the silence

you have a green thumb

you are an environmentalist

you have a special connections with animals

you're vegetarian Steak and seafood are like my entire life

You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world

you always check a product if it's environmentally friendly

you love going to flower shops

You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with

Score: 3/10

ARES (Clarisse La Rue)

you often start fights

you're a very aggressive type of person

you like watching wrestling College wrestling, not that MMA or WWE

you're competitive Ohoho don't even get me started

you like reading about war

you don't take crap from anybody

You have anger management

you never back away from a fight

everyone does what you say

you don't always think before you do something

Score: 7/10 (Wow I'm more Ares than I thought)

ATHENA (Annabeth Chase)

you have an insatiable thirst of knowledge

you're probably the only person that visits the library on a regular basis I'm not the only person...

half of your birthday presents last year were books more than half, actually

you like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies about it

You're one of the smartest people in your class

You mostly get grades above 90 in tests anything below a 95 is a failure to me

you get political jokes without asking people to explain them

you think it would be better if you lead the country again, I couldn't deal with the idiots

you have a huge shelf of books at home

you think vinyl pockets protectors are very useful

Score: 8/10

APOLLO (Will Solace, Lee Fletcher, Michael Yew)

you're very creative and artistic

you like listening to all kinds of music in general

you always feel sunny and optimistic Yeah definitely not; my mom has been calling me a cynic and a pessimist ever since I could talk

you are talented at drawing

you like writing poetry it's actually pretty relaxing to me

you can play at least three musical instruments

you like going to art museums

you almost always win 1st place in art contests

you have straight As in Art on your report card it's basically a participation class so yeah

Your school notebook had more doodles than notes

Score: 5/10

HUNTER OF ARTEMIS (Zoe Nightshade, Bianca Di Angelo)

You dislike boys in general

a deer is one of your favorite animals

You can shoot targets

You like silver

you like the moon better than the sun the sun is too bright, plus people have walked on the moon

Zoe Nightshade is awesome She's okay...

you love wild animals

You spend most of your time outdoors

You love to move around the place

Hunting is not cruel if it's to hunt down monsters Or if it's to hunt down dinner... as long as the person respects the animal, gives it a quick, clean death, and actually uses as much of the animal as physically possible, hunting is okay

Score: 4/10

HEPHAESTUS (Bad Boy Supreme, Team Leo, Mr. McShizzle, Charles Beckendorf)

You have a way with tools I have good hands but I sometimes lack the creativity (and materials) to do projects without a guide

You build awesome things during your free time

You're the best at wood shop in your class

Metal working is your forte

You have your own tool box

You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots

You're a techie

You often have carpentry projects

You dream of being a carpenter

You aren't afraid of fire FIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (I'm a bit of a pyromaniac and it worries my friends sometimes)

Score: 3/10 (I'm kind of disappointed... I like Hephaestus)

APHRODITE (Silena Beauregard, Piper McLean)

Every guy/girl swoons for you I wish

you like putting make up

you naturally smell good I have no idea

you never experience a bad hair day you should see my hair when I crawl out of bed in the morning

you're favorite activity is clothes shopping

you're always at the front of every trend

you're the popular girl/guy at your school I am amongst the nerd population so that's a hard no; my best friend in English is actually the teacher, how sad is that?

You're often invited to parties

You're motto is "it's never a party without me" I hardly ever even go to parties

You look yourself in the mirror on a regular basis

Score: 0/10 Um okay

HERMES (Luke Castellan, Travis and Connor Stoll)

you like pick pocketing your friends I once took my friend's math journal as a joke and he didn't even realize it was gone until the next day (when he was freaking out cause he needed it for math)

you're a prankster other than the aforementioned math journal incident and that time I put baking soda toothpaste in a lemon Oreo and gave it to my sister for April Fools, I don't really do pranks

you're a speed demon My grandma called me 'Speedy' when I was little

you consider your self restless My hands always need something to do

You're the best speaker in the class I'm good at writing speeches... Not sure how I am at orally delivering them

You like thinking on your feet and using your wits I mean I'm pretty decent at it but I like to plan ahead more

You're inventive and resourceful

You often start arguments mostly philosophical conversations or political debates

You never lost a debate I've lost so many debates to my dad...

You like making witty and sarcastic comments that's basically the entire foundation of my weird sense of humour

Score: 7/10

DIONYSUS (Dakota, Castor, Pollux)

You're the life of the party

You like wine

You've probably tasted every alcohol drink out there

You can finish a martini in less than a minute

you have a happy, cheerful disposition *snorts*

You're a foodie I watch so many cooking shows it's kind of a problem

You like going to social events and mingling with people HA NOPE

You like trying out new food

You feel that you're abundant in life

You think that too much of anything is bad Everything in moderation

Score: 3/10

1. Hades 8.5/10 (Yay!!!!)

2. Athena 8/10

3. Poseidon 7/10

3. Ares 7/10

3. Hermes 7/10

6. Apollo 5/10

7. Hunters of Artemis 4/10

8. Zeus 3/9

9. Dionysus 3/10

9. Hephaestus 3/10

9. Demeter 3/10

12. Aphrodite 0/10


THE LESSONS LEARNED IN PERCY JACKSON

1. When in doubt, find the dam snack bar-The Titans Curse

2. With great power comes a great need to take a nap-The Last Olympian I love this line; thank you Nico

3. Paradises are places that can get you killed- The Battle of the Labyrinth

4. Gods get offended easily. Then they blow stuff up.- The Titans Curse

5. You can fight monsters, see Annabeth, and make things go BOOM at the same time.-The Battle of the Labyrinth

6. You can't fix a person like a machine.-The Battle of the Labyrinth Unfortunately I have found this to be true

7. Monster will vaporize when sliced by a celestial bronze sword.-The Battle of the Labyrinth

8. Avoid poisonous swords or you'll die, after you shrivel slowly to dust-The Battle of the Labyrinth

9. Anything is possible: including blue food and that Percy can pass seventh grade - The Sea of Monsters

10. People, and horses, who call Mr. D. "the wine dude" end up in a bottle of Merlot.- The Titans Curse

11. Three kids can drown in a really big bathtub.- The Lightning Thief

12. Everything strange washes up in Miami-The Sea of Monsters

13. You can't enjoy practical jokes when you feel like one.-The Last Olympian

14. Just say hello to the poodle.-The Lightning Thief

15. When you need Tantalus to go away, tell him to chase a donut. -The Sea of Monsters

16. Even heroes drool in their sleep- The Lightning Thief

17. When things seem bad enough, they usually breathe fire.-The Sea of Monsters Murphy's Law at its finest

18. When barnyard animals don't want to kill you, they want food.-The Lightning Thief

19. Don't blow your nose when someone near you is running from skeletons.-The Titans Curse

20. Don't beat a god in a video game- he might want your soul. -The Last Olympian


POTTER PROBLEMS (Sourced from Pottermore)

Feeling victimized because you have to lug suitcases and bags every time you go on vacation instead of using an Undetectable Extension Charm like Hermione. I can never bring all of the books that I want to bring

Noticing distinctive birthmarks or markings on strangers and spending way too much time wondering what kind of Animagus they are.

Spotting an owl and expecting it to stop and deliver your post.

Whispering Lumos every time you turn on a light/ Nox every time you turn it off.

When all you want is a warming Butterbeer-seriously, is that too much to ask? I love Butterbeer

Finding yourself on an inconsolable heap on the couch after re-reading your favorite character's death even though you've read it hundreds of times and knew it was coming.

Making random hissing noises at snakes hoping that your Parseltongue has been lying dormant all these years and one day, they'll answer you back. Why do so many people hate snakes? They're actually really cute! Especially the ones in those little knitted wool hats...

The abject horror at finding out that one of your friends hasn't read the Harry Potter series, followed by a serious internal debate at why you're friends with them in the first place. Not joking I've actually done this

... followed by an indescribable jealousy because they have such a glorious journey of discovery ahead of them. Can relate

Experiencing a kind of rage that only sending a Howler will soothe. An angry text or a sharply worded email just isn't the same. Can't even tell you how often this happens

Learning how to knit so you can recreate the socks that Dobby made for Harry.

Eyeing up eccentrically dressed strangers and wondering if they're wizards in disguise. People watching is so fun you guys, you should try it sometime

When you're stuck outside on a freezing cold day, lamenting the fact that you're not Hermione and can't conjure up warming blue fire in a jar.

Shouting Alohamora confidently when you're locked out, only to discover that you're still locked out because that's a stick you're holding, not a wand.

People catch you reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone/Any Harry Potter book and say, "Haven't you already read that one? cough cough MY PARENTS cough

Binge watching all the films and giving yourself a headache from crying so much. The only movie I've actually cried at was Titanic (and who hasn't cried at Titanic)

Bellowing Expelliarmus at people during arguments.

Being asked to give a speak and discovering "Nitwit", "Blubber, "Odment", "Tweak", don't quite cut it.

Desperately wishing being an Auror was an legitimate career. Now what am I supposed to do with my life?

Catching sight of a cat with 'spectacles' around its eyes and wondering... *walks up to cat* Fancy seeing you here, Professor Mcgonagall

When you wake up with a head full of Nargles and no one else understands. Given my luck this always happens when I'm being forced to socialize

Staying up until twelve in the morning on all of your birthdays, desperately wishing that Hagrid will come and give you a letter to Hogwarts after all this time. I stay up past twelve on all nights, not just birthdays

Randomly quoting the Harry Potter books to your friends and they all look at you blankly. Most of my friends don't look at me like that because they are cultured people who have read all of the books

When you start reading another book and have to stop because it's just not Harry Potter. But Percy Jackson and Lord of the Rings are nice substitutes


LORD OF THE RINGS QUIZ

First Character you fell in love with: Frodo

The character you never expected to love: Gollum

The character you don't like but everyone else does: Boromir Yes I know he redeemed himself but I just don't like him

The character you are most like: Probably Gandalf He is old and wise and most of the time makes no sense at all (and I share a personality type with him)

The character you would slap: Pippin He nearly killed them all with his multiple stunts in Fellowship of the Ring

Three favorite characters: Frodo, Aragorn, Legolas

Favorite Pairing: Legolas x Gimli Don't tell the elf

Favorite Non-Canon Pairing: None


ABOUT ME

-If I could have one superpower, what would it be?

Psionics (Look it up 'cause it's a bit complicated)

-If I could speak any language fluently, what would it be?

Latin. I'd be the best wizard ever, and I could understand the basics of a bunch of other languages because they're derived from Latin

-If I could see one movie again for the first time, what would it be?

The Phantom of the Opera or Harry Potter. The music resonated with me (they were both made by master composers, after all), and the stories were unforgettable. And Phantom of the Opera holds the honor of being the movie that was closest to bringing me to tears without actually making me cry

-Who is my favorite Disney character?

Probably Hades from the animated Hercules. Even though the movie is horribly inaccurate, I love the adaptation of Hades in that movie; he's just so done with everything and has to deal with idiots on a daily basis. Although... Mushu from the animated Mulan (how DARE Disney remove him from the live action) comes pretty close too

-If I could live in any state in the United States, what would it be?

Alaska. There's not many people and it's cold there

-If I could live in any country, what would it be?

Either Ireland or Scotland. The scenery and culture are amazing, and a relatively mild climate with lots and lots of rain. Not to mention, the food is deliciously warm and comforting (like fish n chips and shepherd's pie)

-What is my favorite mythical creature?

Phoenix. It symbolizes death and rebirth, which I think is a cool concept. Plus, we've already established the fact that I'm a pyromaniac

-What is the strangest food I've ever eaten?

I think it's a tie between escargot (snails) and foie gras (duck liver mousse). Spoiler alert: both are delicious

-What is my usual pizza order?

Black olives and mushrooms. Side note: anyone who likes pineapple on pizza should be exiled from this dimension

-What is my favorite season?

Autumn. It's not too hot, I love the food and scents associated with fall like cinnamon, apple, pumpkin, and burning wood (especially burning wood), and the scenery is gorgeous

-What is my favorite fast-food restaurant?

That's easy: Chick-fil-A. They have the best fries that I'm slightly addicted to

-What board game am I unbeatable at?

Clue and Monopoly. I have no idea why I'm good at Monopoly but I win almost every time I play, and I have many strategies for Clue since it is my favorite board game

-What game show do I think I could win?

Jeopardy because I'm a nerd. I actually signed up to try out but I'm still waiting to hear from them

-What is my favorite Christmas movie?

DIE HARD ALL THE WAY. I'm a big action movie person and I love a good shoot-em-up-bang-em-up manly movie like that. The fact that Alan Rickman was in it (and with a German accent too, impressive!) just made it that much better.

-What is my preferred jelly bean flavor?

Either lemon or (believe it or not) toothpaste. The toothpaste one is minty so I like it

-What is my favorite quote?

"What we must decide is what to do with the time that is given to us" -- J.R.R. Tolkien (the greatest author ever)

-What is the first thing I drink when I wake up?

TEA. I am OBSESSED with tea; I drink at least three cups a day. I even have a tea advent calendar for the holidays

-What is the one thing I cannot live without?

So, this answer might surprise people (especially the ones who know me), but it's definitely music. I don't know where I'd be without music; the world would seem so grey and lifeless that I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

I'll add to this list if I get any requests from future readers


Did you guys know that fanfiction is illegal?


Famous People Who Share My Myers-Briggs Personality (INTJ):

-Jane Austen

-Emily Bronte

-Lewis Carrol

-C.S. Lewis

-Thomas Jefferson

-Hillary Clinton

-Susan B. Anthony

-Abigail Adams

-Isaac Newton

-Steven Hawking

-Nikola Tesla

-Sun Tzu

-Bobby Fischer

-Ludwig van Beethoven

-Ted Kaczynski (the Unabomber)

-Anders Breivik (Norwegian mass murderer)

-Augustus Caesar

-Hannibal

-Vladimir Lenin

-Arnold Schwarzenegger

-Sherlock Holmes

-Professor Moriarty

-Bruce Wayne

-Gandalf

-Light Yagami (a high schooler and mass murderer)

-Victor von Frankenstein

-Hannibal Lecter (serial killer)

-Fitzwilliam Darcy

-Cassius

So, it seems that I am shaping up to be a serial killer, a dictator, and a mass murderer, as well as a crazy genius insane scientist.


PERSONAL PLEDGE (This is original stuff from my own mind)

1. I hereby vow never to post a chapter that is only an author's note. If I update, there will always be a chapter.

2. I hereby swear never to discontinue a story.

3. I hereby promise never to post a chapter less than 1,000 words, not including author's notes.

4. I hereby pledge never to put a story on hiatus

5. I hereby declare that I will always notify readers ahead of time if I will miss an update date, or at least explain the reason for my absence when I get back


CURRENT STORIES

-This is How I Disappear
Fandom: Percy Jackson
Status: In progress, unpublished
Summary: After the war with Gaea, everything fell apart. Their Hero was banished, one of the Olympians was made mortal the council was divided, and several gods chose exile. One of these gods was Hades, who left the council after That Day for three months. But Hades came back to what was left the Council with grave news: their Hero and once-God were dead, but their souls were nowhere to be found.
Actual Description: Percy and Apollo were betrayed by almost everyone they knew and loved. Now, out in the vast universe, they try to find new lives for themselves. What happens when they eventually find themselves back on Earth?
Main Pairing: Percy/Apollo
Not a series

-A Minister's Woe
Fandom: The Scarlet Letter
Status: Published, completed
Summary: Set between Chapters 10 and 11. Arthur Dimmesdale's heart is heavy with guilt, and sometimes he just has to get away from it all at night. This is the story of one such night. Oneshot. Hurt/comfort but there's not really much comfort-
Actual Description: Dimmesdale leaves his house one night to contemplate his depressing life in the woods
Main Pairing: Implied Hester/Dimmesdale
Oneshot, not a series

-Take Your Heart (and let it love again)
Fandom:
Percy Jackson
Status: In progress, published
Summary: There is a war brewing, and Hades catches rumors of a large band of monsters gathering in Alaska; he goes to destroy it, but nearly doesn't make it out. He finds unexpected help in a mysterious savior, who might just be the one to turn the tide in the whole war. Adopted-Dad-Hades fic, featuring powerful Percy, and lots of hugs (and cursing, which we don't tell Persephone about)
Actual Description: Hades goes to Alaska to fight a bunch of monsters, and he gets seriously injured. A young boy heals him and Hades soon realizes that he's found what could be the missing piece of the prophecy.
Main Pairing: Undecided
Not a series

-When Fire Meets the Dark Water (and burns brighter than the sun)
Fandom:
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Status: In progress, unpublished
Summary: 6 months into Prince Zuko's banishment, he finds a small village outside an Earth Kingdom port. He saves the old Shaman from drowning in the river, and as a reward, gets to select one ancient artifact from the Shaman's extensive collection. Fast forward a couple months, and there's voices in his head, strange things happening around him, and the stupid ring won't come off his hand!
Actual Description: Zuko saves an old spiritual shaman from drowning, so he chooses an ancient Spirit ring as his reward. Little did he know, the ring once belonged to the original Blue Spirit, and now Zuko must deal with a ton of voices in his head as well as new powers, all while trying to keep it a secret from his uncle.
Main Pairing: Undecided, but most likely slowburn eventual Zukka
Probably not a series

Happy reading!!

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