Hello there. I realized that I have very little on this page, so here we go.
Personal info: I don't give it out to anyone.
If they board the ship, they will rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skin into their clothing. And if we are very, very lucky, they will do it in that order.-Zoey, Firefly, talking of Reavers
Good News, I'm still technically alive.-Professor Farnsworth, Futurama
It is possible. We have long lives and are celebrated poopers.-Nibbler, Futurama
May god have mercy on your soul, for I have none for you.-Me
I, like god, do not deal in dice and do not believe in coincidence.-V, V for Vendetta
Aha, my fat metal friend.-V, V for Vendetta
I killed you ten minutes ago, while you slept.-V, V for Vendetta
"you take the ugly one" "you take the ugly one" "I'll take the ugly one" "Which one's the ugly one?"-in order: Leoardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michaelangelo, from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II:the Secret of the Ooze
Where's the Thump Thump?-Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean II: Dead Man's Chest
My advice to you? You take this money, that you were collecting for your parish, go get yourself a nice dress. You know, fix yourself up. Find some man, find some woman, that you can connect with, even for a moment, because that's all that life is sister, it's a series of moments. Why don't you seize yours?-Loki, Dogma
Normal people scare me.-I have no idea
What's the difference between an Emo and my lawn? My lawn doesn't cut itself.-again, don't know who said it.
Four out of five voices in my head say 'Go for it'.-Found it on a tee shirt, which I now own.
I don't suffer from INSANITY, I enjoy every minute of it.-another tee shirt I have.
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.-tee shirt
Everyone has the right to be stupid, but your abusing the right.-tee shirt
Evil squirrels are after my nuts.-tee shirt
One by one the penguins are stealing my sanity-I have no idea
the french cannot be trusted!-Sir Leigh Teabing, Da Vinci Code(movie)
Oh, did that old cannibis charge finally catch up with me?-Sir Leigh Teabing, Da Vinci Code(movie)
Nobody is perfect. I am a nobody. Therefore, I am perfect.-I have no clue who said this.
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then go find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.-I think Ron White said this.
Guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early do.-I have no clue.
Every person alive is insane, but most people aren't aware of it.-me
Humans are a plague. And we are the cure.-Agent Smith, The Matrix
I am not racist. I hate everyone equally.-Don't know, but it is my motto
This won't hurt a bit. I won't feel a thing.-I don't remember, but possibly my dentist
If at first you don't suceed, lower your expectations.-tee shirt
If there is one thing I know, it is that I hate you more than I hate myself. And I hate myself a lot.-me
And do you know what the moral of that story is? I just took five minutes of your life away and you will never get it back.-my little brother at the end of a story he told on Myspace.
Myspace is just a huge government conspiricy to take over the minds of the young people and sadists of the US. What they don't realize is that their target population has no minds.-me, after my twelve-year-old cousin got off of myspace after a six hour stint.
one time, my cousin got a cat stuck up his butt. true story. He bought the cat at the local mall so the whole thing wound up on the news. Embarassed the crap out of my relatives. But one week later he did it again. different cat, same result, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So I run into him at the mall one week later, and he's buying another cat. I said,"Geez Walt, you know you're just going to get this cat stuck up your butt. Why don't you knock it off?" and he said to me," Brody, how else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin is a weird guy.-Brody, Mallrats.
alright lunchbox, let's try it again.-Jay, Mallrats
Hey, be fair. Everyone wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.-Brody, Mallrats
"Hey, you want to get high?" "Look who you're asking."-TS, Jay, Mallrats
Where do you get those wonderful toys?-Jay, Mallrats
That kid is back on the escalator again.-Brody, Mallrats
"Hey, it's a schooner." "You dumb kid, it's not a schooner, it's a sailboat." "A schooner is a sailboat stupid head." "YOU KNOW WHAT, THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY! THAT OVER THERE IS JUST A GUY IN A SUIT!"-boy, William, girl, William, Mallrats
Aw, poosticks-my brother
"Pigs in Space" "Shut up Robert"-my brother and his teacher
You are the idiot son of a shupuff-Me to my aunt
What's a shupuff?-my aunt
Did you lose a fight with the lawnmower?-me, to my brother about his haircut.
All I'm saying is your playing with your own lives. I will ride this piano back to Manhattan. When the ship goes down, screw the lifeboats, I have dibs on the big chunk of wood.-Mark Weiser, Piano Man from the cruise I went on.
Wait, wait, what did you want to hear?-Mark Weiser
I will now play for you, because I see some of you doubt me, the entire Poison greatest hits cd, in under sixty seconds.-Mark Weiser
I'm going to kill you so dead, you'll wish you were never born alive.-Riesling, Samurai Legend Musashi
god hates people who say 'god'. God.-my brothers(both of them at various times)
I will assist your suicide-Yoshimitsu, soul caliber 2
May you have mercy in your next life-Yoshimitsu, Soul Caliber 2
I gotta tell you bro, you have a knack for parties. No food, no drinks, and the only chick just left.-Dante, Devil May Cry 3
Wow, I've never seen a talking mutt before. You know, in a dog show, you would definitely take first place.-Dante, Devil May Cry 3
I told you, I don't like people who talk more than me.-Dante, Devil May Cry 3
Alright, first Chicken, the Gladiator. Too bad there's no one here to see the SHOW!-Dante, Devil May Cry 3
"Oh, my god" "Yes?"-Lois and Peter, Family Guy
I haven't been part of a team since I was a member of the Four Peters.-Peter, Family Guy
I would say,' Come again?' and then I would laugh because I said 'Come'. But thank god that's not the case.-Peter, Family Guy
I will protect you with my life. But I cannot laugh, it is forbidden.-Mayor West, Family Guy
I love this song. And I love it when amatuers try to sing it. But I hate Baseball Cards.-Mayor West, Family Guy
"I'm not talking about the Griffens, I'm talking about the rest of my LiteBrite pieces. My name isn't Adam We. Or is it? What number did you call, who is this, don't ever call here again." click " I sure showed him. Nobody messes with Adam We.-Mayor West, Family Guy
Perhaps the Noid should have avoided me?-Mayor West, Family Guy
I love this job like I love my taffy. And I'm a man who enjoys his taffy.-Mayor West, Family Guy
"I'll talk to him, just as soon as I get some courage from my old buddy Jack Daniels." picks up phone, dials. " Hello, Mrs. Daniels. Is Jack home? What? Oh, my god, I am so sorry. Yes." Hangs up. Shakes head. " Oh, Jack was a wise man, but he loved playing with that wheat thresher. Always playing with that wheat thresher."-Peter, Family Guy
I tell you this, because I care about you. I am going to the press with this, and when I do, it's going to be bigger than Uncle Sam's nipples.-Brian, Family Guy
No, me father was a tree.-pirate guy; family guy
Chicken, gave me a bad coupon.-Peter; Family Guy
Alright, first off, Bonnie, you've been pregnant for like six years, either have the baby or don't.-Peter, Family Guy
"What, something's broken and it's not your fault?" "I know, I'm scared too."-Zim and Gir, Invader Zim
I was in the turkey all along.-Gir, Invader Zim
But I need tacos, I need them or I'll explode. That happens to me sometimes.-Gir, Invader Zim
Does a fall kill you? No, but the stop at the bottom might.-Me
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."- Douglas Adams
"Happiness is the dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."- Johnny Carson
"If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?"-unknown
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."-unknown
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it!-unknown
There is nothing to winning, really. That is, if you happen to be blessed with a keen eye, an agile mind, and no scruples whatsoever. – Alfred Hitchcock
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. – Mark Twain
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte
" The world will end in five minutes. Please log out."-unknown
"I have a very creative imagination and it often out-runs my common sense. Result: major trauma after imagining my Math teacher in shorts..."
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target."
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police."
"Eat right, exercise, die anyway."
"Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?"
"I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy."
"If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation."
"Sarcasm is one more service we offer."
"I hear voices and they don't like you."
"Smile -- it confuses the enemy."
"Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence."
"Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."
"Whoever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree."
"It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature."
"If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it."
"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."
"You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff...I laugh harder."
"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic."
"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."
"God must love stupid people - He made so many."
(Sign shown in a non-smoking zone) "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
"Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'"
"The whole world is going to hell, and I'm driving the bus!"
"Diplomacy: Think twice before saying nothing."
"Committee - A group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide nothing can be done." - Fred Allen
"I intend to live forever... so far, so good."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.'"
"If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candle light."
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you tomatoes, make bloody-marys. When life gives you machine guns, NOW it's telling you something."
"If your phone lines are down, please call your operator."
"When life gives you lemons, find people with paper cuts."
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to have made it worth your while."
"A rose by any other name would likely be deadly thorn bearing assault vegetation."
"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?"
"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
"Join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them."
"Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't."
"An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."
"They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?"
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."
"Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives."
If you give a thousand monkeys a thousand typewriters and let them work for a thousand years, eventually you'll get Shakespeare. If you give one monkey a pen, give him five minutes, and then shoot him, the reflexes of his hand twitching while dying will give you the average yaoi story on Fanfiction.net.
Here is my newest motto: If I'm not as mean and cruel as I possibly can be, you have no room to complain. I am being remarkably restrained in how bad I could be.
And now for the creed of all janitors everywhere: Any kid can make a mess. But it takes a man to clean it up.
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things
If you think Twilight is the worst thing to happen to the literary world, Copy and paste your name into your profile and add your name to this list: Dirty Reid, Mint Man Bail
System of a Down, Three Days Grace, aperfectcircle, AFI, Finger Eleven, and Incubus.
Yugioh card game, kingdom hearts 1&2, Devil May Cry 1,2,3, &4, Brave Fencer Mushashi, Samurai Legend Mushashi, every Legend of Zelda game.
Naruto/Bleach crossover challenge
Sometime during or after Pein's invasion of Konoha, when Naruto is pulling upon Kyuubi's power, it catches the attention of the Soul Society. When Shinigami check it out, they realize that they have never seen something like this. The Shinigami sent subdue Naruto, and take him back to Soul Society. There, he is experimented on by the captain of the 12th division, transforming him into something unique. Then he escapes, how is up to you. From there, crap happens.
In my mind, I see him becoming attached to the vice-captain of the 12th. She would eventually release him, and go with him as he plots revenge. That's my plan for it when I get around to writing my own version of this. Now, guidelines.
1. Naruto must be experimented on by Kurotsuchi Mayuri, captain of the 12th division.
2. He must get out of there at some point.
3. He gets involved in the war with Aizen. When and how is up to you.
1. Naruto can be paired with any person, but please tell me if you plan on Yaoi. I don't like Yaoi, so I won't be reading it if you have it.
2. Naruto gains a unique power, unlike anything else.
3. Naruto can return to his world, but I would prefer that he not.
That's it. Let me know if you want to take on this challenge. I want to read it.
Chuck Norris Jokes:
If you are offended by these jokes, I apoligize.
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris can eat a rubix cube and poop it out solved.
There is no theory of evolution, there are only the animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
There are two kinds of people: wimps and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't pushing his body up, he is pushing the world down.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity, twice.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris can taste lies.
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends in blank forms and a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. He has never had to pay taxes.
Chuck Norris can make a woman orgasm simply by pointing and saying 'Boo-yah'
Chuck Norris doesn't write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
nice little message
I apoligize to any Emo's that read the quote about the lawn and emo people. I personally have nothing against emo, in fact three of my four friends are emo. I think they are awesome, and one of them told me that joke. I liked it so much I had to put it in here. If that offends anyone, I am sorry, please don't try to find me and kill me because of it. As I said, it was a JOKE that an emo friend told me.
I have finished changing my stories, putting my crossovers into the crossover area. Except one. There is no category for Ninja Gaiden of any variety, and so I cannot put Greatest Ninja Alive into the official crossovers. I hope you understand this. Thank you for your time, and attention. Peace.