Ways to keep a healthy level of insanity.
1. Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something...
2. I'm not clumsy. The floor just hates me, the tables and the chairs and table are bullies and the walls get in my way.
3. Just remember if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
4. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
5. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
6. "Are you taking any foreign language classes this year?" " Math."
7. If you ever see me smiling on a Monday, you'll know that an alien has killed me and is wearing my skin as a disguise
8. Teacher: Come on guys! You did this in 6th grade!
Me: I don't even remember what I had for dinner last night...
9. Whoever said that nothing's impossible obviously hasn't tried slamming a revolving door.
10. Whoever said "Words don't hurt" obviously hasn't gotten a hard-back encyclopedia thrown at his head before.
11.When the going gets tough, kick whoever made it that way.
12. Behind every great man is a woman shaking her head and rolling her eyes.
13. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If you can't kill 'em, you’re screwed.
14. He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke at first.
15. Life is difficult. It's full of trials, sorrow and pain. However, if you fall down, just stand up straight, be confident and say... "WHICH IDIOT PUSHED ME?!"
16. Silence is gold. Duct tape is silver.
17. If you do it, you'll regret it. If you don't do it, you'll regret it. Either way, you're still gonna regret it, so why not just do it?
18. A mechanic once told someone, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
19. A drunken man once said this to a cop. "Here Officer, hold my beer while I find my license."
20. Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
21. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
22. Isn't it funny how a heart shape is just two teardrops upside down?
23. I'm only smiling 'cos I have no idea what's going on.
24. I looked up at the stars one night and thought, "Where the heck did my ceiling go?!"
25. People say life's short. I say I'm shorter.
26. What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you realize that you're on fire? Do you remember to stop, drop and roll? Or do you just start running around in circles, screaming, "I'M ON FIRE!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!"
27. I was never anyone's friend in the first place, therefore I can't be called a traitor.
28. Give me a chance to shine and I will blind the world!
29. Three people can keep a secret if two are dead.
30. I'm gonna live forever!...Or die trying.
31. War doesn't determine who's right, it determines who's left.
32. Come to the dark side, we have cookies!
33. I went to the dark side. Yeah, they lied about the cookies.
34. Dear Dark Side, you may have the cookies, but we have the MILK!
35. I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We're on the same side now.
36. OMG! THE RAIN'S WET! -I'm not AD--Ooh, look, a butterfly!
37. ADOSH: Attention Deficit-Ohh Shiny Thing.
38. God made men first, then he had a better idea!
39. Nope, can't go to Hell. Satan still has that restraining order against me...
40. I reject your reality and substitute my own.
41. Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we continue flying...on broomsticks.
42. I'm probably the coolest dork you'll ever meet.
43. I'm funny...now give me my cookies.
44. It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.
45. You couldn't handle me...even in your wildest dreams.
46. ADHD writer: Once upon a -- no...There was once a -- no...THE END! .
47. You know you're a geek when procrastination doesn't affect your grades.
49. If you make a OC you use your brain for something useful.
50. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.
51. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking too good, either.
52. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
53. It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
54. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.
55. This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
56. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
57. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
58. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
59. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
60. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
61. Order a Diet Water when you go out to eat, with a serious face.
62. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
63. Sing Along At The Opera.
64. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
65. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
67. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
68. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
Hi! I'm Minerva Fowl, and I have a slight Artemis Fowl obsession. Please read and review my stories! Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you laughed reading this.