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Shadow65 PM
Joined Apr '07



1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M 's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things

In case you need further proof that the human race is
doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought??...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause
(And I am taking this...because?)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
(damn, but i have a whole stash in
my basement that were just right to process)

On packet of Nobbys'
"Warning: contains nuts.
(Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: maybe, Delta?)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

"Life's like a book. Everytime it gets good, you get interrupted." -

"Love all, Trust a few." - Shakespeare

"There's a fine line between insanity and genius. You're flirting with it." - I don't remember where I heard this or if it's exactly what they said. Either way...It's awesome.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results" - I can't remember who said that either.

"Life's a blast. Be yourself, and make it a BOOM!!" - .

"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions...So is the road to Heaven the opposite too?" - thinking about irony and the actions of others...

Ever wondered what that noise is after you pulled the trigger and everthing gets suddenly quiet? That was your concience saying "Oh FU!!, God Da#!!, can't believe the dumba@ did it."

Every time someone gets higher in the food chain someone else has to get lower. So. Stay where you belong and my life will be less troublesome.


If they board the ship, they will rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skin into their clothing. And if we are very, very lucky, they will do it in that order.-Zoey, Firefly, talking of Reavers

Good News, I'm still technically alive.-Professor Farnsworth, Futurama

It is possible. We have long lives and are celebrated poopers.-Nibbler, Futurama

May god have mercy on your soul, for I have none for you.-Me

I, like god, do not deal in dice and do not believe in coincidence.-V, V for Vendetta

Aha, my fat metal friend.-V, V for Vendetta

I killed you ten minutes ago, while you slept.-V, V for Vendetta

"you take the ugly one" "you take the ugly one" "I'll take the ugly one" "Which one's the ugly one?"-in order: Leoardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michaelangelo, from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II:the Secret of the Ooze

Where's the Thump Thump?-Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean II: Dead Man's Chest

My advice to you? You take this money, that you were collecting for your parish, go get yourself a nice dress. You know, fix yourself up. Find some man, find some woman, that you can connect with, even for a moment, because that's all that life is sister, it's a series of moments. Why don't you seize yours?-Loki, Dogma

Normal people scare me.-I have no idea

What's the difference between an Emo and my lawn? My lawn doesn't cut itself.-again, don't know who said it.

Four out of five voices in my head say 'Go for it'.-Found it on a tee shirt, which I now own.

I don't suffer from INSANITY, I enjoy every minute of it.-another tee shirt I have.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.-tee shirt

Eveyone has the right to be stupid, but your abusing the right.-tee shirt

Evil squirrels are after my nuts.-tee shirt

One by one the penguins are stealing my sanity-I have no idea

the french cannot be trusted!-Sir Leigh Teabing, Da Vinci Code(movie)

Oh, did that old cannibis charge finally catch up with me?-Sir Leigh Teabing, Da Vinci Code(movie)

Nobody is perfect. I am a nobody. Therefore, I am perfect.-I have no clue who said this.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then go find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.-I think Ron White said this.

Guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early do.-I have no clue.

Every person alive is insane, but most people aren't aware of it.-me

Humans are a plague. And we are the cure.-Agent Smith, The Matrix

I am not racist. I hate everyone equally.-Don't know, but it is my motto

This won't hurt a bit. I won't feel a thing.-I don't remember, but possibly my dentist

If at first you don't suceed, lower your expectations.-tee shirt

If there is one thing I know, it is that I hate you more than I hate myself. And I hate myself a lot.-me

And do you know what the moral of that story is? I just took five minutes of your life away and you will never get it back.-my little brother at the end of a story he told on Myspace.

Myspace is just a huge government conspiricy to take over the minds of the young people and sadists of the US. What they don't realize is that their target population has no minds.-me, after my twelve-year-old cousin got off of myspace after a six hour stint.

one time, my cousin got a cat stuck up his butt. true story. He bought the cat at the local mall so the whole thing wound up on the news. Embarassed the crap out of my relatives. But one week later he did it again. different cat, same result, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So I run into him at the mall one week later, and he's buying another cat. I said,"Geez Walt, you know you're just going to get this cat stuck up your butt. Why don't you knock it off?" and he said to me," Brody, how else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin is a weird guy.-Brody, Mallrats.

alright lunchbox, let's try it again.-Jay, Mallrats

Hey, be fair. Everyone wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.-Brody, Mallrats

"Hey, you want to get high?" "Look who you're asking."-TS, Jay, Mallrats

Where do you get those wonderful toys?-Jay, Mallrats

That kid is back on the escalator again.-Brody, Mallrats

"Hey, it's a schooner." "You dumb kid, it's not a schooner, it's a sailboat." "A schooner is a sailboat stupid head." "YOU KNOW WHAT, THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY! THAT OVER THERE IS JUST A GUY IN A SUIT!"-boy, William, girl, William, Mallrats

Aw, poosticks-my brother

"Pigs in Space" "Shut up Robert"-my brother and his teacher

You are the idiot son of a shupuff-Me to my aunt

What's a shupuff?-my aunt

Did you lose a fight with the lawnmower?-me, to my brother about his haircut.

All I'm saying is your playing with your own lives. I will ride this piano back to Manhattan. When the ship goes down, screw the lifeboats, I have dibs on the big chunk of wood.-Mark Weiser, Piano Man from the cruise I went on.

Wait, wait, what did you want to hear?-Mark Weiser

I will now play for you, because I see some of you doubt me, the entire Poison greatest hits cd, in under sixty seconds.-Mark Weiser

I'm going to kill you so dead, you'll wish you were never born alive.-Riesling, Samurai Legend Musashi

god hates people who say 'god'. God.-my brothers(both of them at various times)

I will assist your suicide-Yoshimitsu, soul caliber 2

May you have mercy in your next life-Yoshimitsu, Soul Caliber 2

I gotta tell you bro, you have a knack for parties. No food, no drinks, and the only chick just left.-Dante, Devil May Cry 3

Wow, I've never seen a talking mutt before. You know, in a dog show, you would definitely take first place.-Dante, Devil May Cry 3

I told you, I don't like people who talk more than me.-Dante, Devil May Cry 3

Alright, first Chicken, the Gladiator. Too bad there's no one here to see the SHOW!-Dante, Devil May Cry 3

"Oh, my god" "Yes?"-Lois and Peter, Family Guy

I haven't been part of a team since I was a member of the Four Peters.-Peter, Family Guy

I would say,' Come again?' and then I would laugh because I said 'Come'. But thank god that's not the case.-Peter, Family Guy

I will protect you with my life. But I cannot laugh, it is forbidden.-Mayor West, Family Guy

I love this song. And I love it when amatuers try to sing it. But I hate Baseball Cards.-Mayor West, Family Guy

"I'm not talking about the Griffens, I'm talking about the rest of my LiteBrite pieces. My name isn't Adam We. Or is it? What number did you call, who is this, don't ever call here again." click " I sure showed him. Nobody messes with Adam We.-Mayor West, Family Guy

Perhaps the Noid should have avoided me?-Mayor West, Family Guy

I love this job like I love my taffy. And I'm a man who enjoys his taffy.-Mayor West, Family Guy

"I'll talk to him, just as soon as I get some courage from my old buddy Jack Daniels." picks up phone, dials. " Hello, Mrs. Daniels. Is Jack home? What? Oh, my god, I am so sorry. Yes." Hangs up. Shakes head. " Oh, Jack was a wise man, but he loved playing with that wheat thresher. Always playing with that wheat thresher."-Peter, Family Guy

I tell you this, because I care about you. I am going to the press with this, and when I do, it's going to be bigger than Uncle Sam's nipples.-Brian, Family Guy

No, me father was a tree.-pirate guy; family guy

Chicken, gave me a bad coupon.-Peter; Family Guy

Alright, first off, Bonnie, you've been pregnaut for like six years, either have the baby or don't.-Peter, Family Guy

"What, something's broken and it's not your fault?" "I know, I'm scared too."-Zim and Gir, Invader Zim

I was in the turkey all along.-Gir, Invader Zim

But I need tacos, I need them or I'll explode. That happens to me sometimes.-Gir, Invader Zim

Does a fall kill you? No, but the stop at the bottom might.-Me

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."- Douglas Adams

"Happiness is the dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."- Johnny Carson

"If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?"-unknown

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."-unknown

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it!-unknown

There is nothing to winning, really. That is, if you happen to be blessed with a keen eye, an agile mind, and no scruples whatsoever. – Alfred Hitchcock

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. – Mark Twain

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte

And now for the creed of all janitors everywhere: Any kid can make a mess. But it takes a man to clean it up.

Recently, I've been reading some of my older star wars books. I have a quote from them that I find hilarious. Here we go:

Oh, and for those that don't like stars wars or doesn't understand what's funny here, don't let it get to you:

Castin and Donos sat in the second rows of seats, bent over a long weapon-Donos's laser sniper rifle. "We did not know you had brought that," Runt said.

Donos snorted. "I take it to parties, dining engagements, and the refresher. It was in the smuggling compartment."

For those that don't understand some of the terms, a laser sniper rifle is just like a normal one in the real world, but using lasers instead of bullets, and the refresher is a bathroom

yeah not much to say

You know you live in 2007 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or myspace

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You went back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are chuckling because you're also convinced that this is so true.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

i got it from

got these from

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

everyone else may love you, but I still think you’re a moron.

This isn’t a classroom, it’s hell with fluorescent lighting.

You know you’re addicted to coffee when:

1)you’re nervous twitches show up on the richter scale.

2)you have to watch movies in fast-forward.

3)you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

-111,111,111 x 111,111,111 equals 123,456,789,987,654,321

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

When everything is comin’ your way, your driving in the wrong lane.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

-wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

-all those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

-ok, so what’s the speed of dark?

-It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.

-If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet I’ll put shoes on my cat.

-I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

-ohhh, let me turn on the part of my brain that gives a damn.

-Whatever look you were going for, you missed.

-Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

Real Friends

When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

When you are confused - I will use little words.

When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.


Cassette Tape

"By starting this pointless squabble you've done nothing but reveal just how vast your stupidity is."

from: Jin, Samurai Champloo

"When life gives you lemons, make cranberry juice and let the world figure out how the fuck you did it."

-from: FloofyFan13 on deviantART

"Could you be...a little less talk and a little bit more "shut the hell up?"

from: Dr. Daniel Jackson, Stargate: SG-1

"We stole the Eagle from the Air Force, the Anchor from the Navy, and the rope from the Army. On the 7th day, while God rested, we overran his perimeter and stole the Globe, and we've been running the show ever since. We live like soldiers and talk like sailors and slap the hell out of both of them. Soldier by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice, Marine By GOD!!"

-from: the USMC, baddest motherfuckers on the face of the earth

"When in doubt, whip it out-Empty the Magazine!"

-from: Sgt. E-Tool, U.S. Marine Corps Grunt

"Behold! My fucking ultimate weapon the new Automated Robofield Powertronic Cyberbot Supermega Death Christ 2000 Version 3.0 beta biatch!"

-from=fighterace2688 on deviantART

"Hmm...How can I say this...? My first impression is...I don't like you guys!!"

-from: Hatake Kakashi, Naruto anime/manga series

"You, you, and you...Panic. the rest of you, come with me...!"

-from: Sunluver on deviantART

"I don't give a rat's ass about going to hell. I guess it's because I feel like I'm already there."

-from: Mugen, Samurai Champloo

"I started freaking out...cause he was Chinese I was like, why was he talking like that?"

-from: Dave Chappelle

"I swear to drunk I'm not God."

-from: Ravenrockmind on deiantART

"Oh that doesn't look so bad...beep beep beep!...Looks like they're building more...beep beep beep beep beep!...a lot more...beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep!...oh crap..."

-from: Dr. Rodney McKay, Stargate: Atlantis

"Just blast some music, so we can dance around like RETARDS and sing like were ON CRACK"

-from: Unknown

"The trouble with life is there's no background music."

-from: Unknown

"Superman is dead, good people die young, love is a dangerous and misleading emotion, countries with nuclear power want our destruction, we have a complete idiot leading us, and this world and race is headed on a downward spiral...isn't life golden?"

-from: silver6kraid on deviantART

"That was crazy I hope I didn't brain my damage."

-from: Homer J. Simpson

"If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16...she's 12. If a woman tells you she's 26 and looks 26...she's damn near 40."

-from: Chris Rock

"If living means that I must bow down to you guys, I'll happily stand tall and die!"

-from: Mugen, Samurai Champloo

Death need not be the end of hope! -Drakengaurd...weird, weird, WEIRD, game...slightly entertaining.

I couldn't help but overhear, mostly because I was thinking of killing you and taking your cloak.

Insted of helping an aged dwarf woman across the street you should be shooting her in the face with arrows until it stops being funny.-LFG

"Is there any chance that he was the one who killed your father and you were seeking justice so your beloved and missed parent could be at peace in the afterlife?"

"No but that does bring to mind the amusing tale of the time I killed my father."-LFG

"I am RICHARD chief warlock of the brothers of darkness, lord of the thirteen hells, master of bones, emporer of the black, lord of the undead, and mayor of a little village up the coast...very scenic during springtime, you should visit sometime."

"Your name is Richard?"

"You were supposed to pay more attention to everything after that part." -LFG

"It seems as though I've been turned into a pile of ash and require the services of a healer."

"Walk it off pussy."-LFG

"Listen, like I told your captain, that orphanage attacked me. It was self-defense!"-LFG

"We were told to kill you on sight."

"I was told where your mate and offspring reside."

"Welcome to Nestorep. Enjoy your stay."-LFG

"I'm more likely to revive your friend as a disfigured, rabid, souless, beast than anything else."

"My gut tells me that we should trust her with this task."

"I missed that last part. What did she say?"-LFG

I'm no physician, but there appears to be a dagger through my chest. -LFG

Remember the fellow who threw daggers at me? These are his teeth.-LFG

Bad news Cale. I'm afraid your position as my closest and dearest companion is being replaced by the fellow who just tackled a dragon -LFG

A mountain that eats people...I wamt one.-LFG

I wanted to lose some baby weight. Cause from the baby I ate.-LFG

"Would you help me xplain how much quicker and easier killing is?"

"I'm still trying to figure out what "conscience" means."-LFG

BEHOLD! For I have discovered the fork of truth! Who would dare oppose me now? Now that I am armed with my anger...and my fork. -LFG

"By the gods! They look like children!"

"I know. It's hard to kill just one."-LFG

I don't do well with authority. Is that going to be a problem?-LFG

"We are not the gods who get to decide who lives or dies."

"I disagree fully with your previous statement."-LFG


"We're not moving."

"Who's side you on?"


"Get ready to fire it up."

"My pleasure." (grunts)

"What's wrong?"

"There's no fwoosh."

"Our shamans may have something to do with that."

"Well can you ask them to stop so that I may lay waiste to your army?"-LFG

"I've never seen a warlock do that without the use of their magic!"

"I drained the soul of a monk once. It tasted like chocolate."-LFG

"RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!" (Collapses)

"What's happening to you!? RICHARD!?"

"Curse...Shammies...Slightly uncomfortable..."-LFG


Worst. Portal. Ever.-LFG

Quotes from my friend Delta16669:

If I had no sense of humor then I would have commited suicide long ago - Mahatma

Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with

If ignorance is bliss then you must be orgasmic

Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

Do good S fans go to hell?

If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn?

Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day,
nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

There’s a reason why Claymores say ‘This side towards enemy’

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car

This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill

Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat
them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will
have the element of surprise

If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun

Warning: Trespassers will be shot
Warning: Survivors will be shot again

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat

There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a
discharge for loving one

If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid

Shoot first, shoot later, shoot again, then when everyone's dead, try to ask a
question or two

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. -Jetflash

"I like to watch Hentai, because if I watch normal porn, then I feel sorry
not only for the woman, but the horse as well."-FlamingCheese

"Dumbledore returns from the dead and declares it to be hammertime, Harry
proceeds to break it down, and Voldemort is unable to touch this."-FlamingCheese

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