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The Carnivorous Muffin PM
My Stories 243
12The Seventh Seal Bella Swan's gift turned out to be a little bit more than a shield and a little more aware than it should be. When Bella Swan is murdered, it finds itself back in time to 2005 and the day Bella Swan arrives in Forks. With far too much power available but little awareness of human culture, Bella Swan's gift embarks on a risky plan to turn Bella into a vampire, have her not fall in
Twilight, T, English, Humor & Romance, words: 5k+, favs: 41, follows: 56, 5/21, Bella, Edward, OC
378The Less Than Immaculate Conception » Bella Swan, early in her sojourn with the mole people, chooses the wrong door. Now she's pregnant, Carlisle's sleeping with the wrong Volturi, and Aro's plan is falling to pieces. Spin off of "Painting Red Madonnas" and cowritten by Vinelle.
Twilight, M, English, Romance & Humor, chapters: 33, words: 178k+, favs: 267, follows: 292, updated: 5/10 published: 12/10/2021, [Marcus, Bella] [Aro, Carlisle]
5k+Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus » As the unwitting personification of Death, reality exists to Lily through the veil of a backstage curtain, a transient stage show performed by actors who take their roles only too seriously. But as the Girl-Who-Lived, Lily's role to play is the most important of all, and come hell or high water play it she will, regardless of how awful Wizard Lenin seems to think she is at her job.
Harry Potter, T, English, Humor & Fantasy, chapters: 83, words: 484k+, favs: 6k+, follows: 6k+, updated: 5/8 published: 12/8/2013, [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.]
111 A Girl's Best Friend, Love and Lobsters » One icy morning in January, Carlisle has an unusual patient. He then faces a series of increasingly bizarre accidents that aren't accidents, a mystery that none of his family seems inclined to pay much attention to, and close encounters of the third kind.
Twilight, T, English, Sci-Fi & Mystery, chapters: 9, words: 36k+, favs: 184, follows: 205, updated: 4/29 published: 2/13, Bella, Carlisle
1k+ Painting Red Madonnas » A Bella who has never had a run in with vampires, misses registration while studying abroad and signs up for an art course in the nearby city of Volterra. Only, it's not an introductory course, she's somehow the only student, and she has zero talent. Aro's centuries old plan to get Marcus a hobby and a life finally comes to fruition in the strangest of ways.
Twilight, T, English, Humor & Friendship, chapters: 31, words: 120k+, favs: 707, follows: 795, updated: 4/22 published: 2/23/2021, Bella, Marcus
2k+When Harry Met Tom » When the battle in the department of mysteries heads south, Harry finds herself flung backwards in time to 1942, where Tom Riddle is a prefect in his fifth year. Armed with this knowledge, but little else, Harry desperately tries to find a way home and for once in her life not screw it up. Tom, for his own part, wonders when Harry Evans will head back to the mothership. fem!Harry
Harry Potter, T, English, Romance & Humor, chapters: 32, words: 186k+, favs: 3k+, follows: 3k+, updated: 4/16 published: 1/8/2018, [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.]
2k+October » It is not paradox to rewrite history, in the breath of a single moment a universe blooms into existence as another path fades from view, Tom Riddle meets an aberration on the train to Hogwarts and the rest is in flux. AU, time travel, Death!Harry, Tom/Lily and Tom/Harry, not threesome
Harry Potter, T, English, Drama & Friendship, chapters: 60, words: 224k+, favs: 3k+, follows: 4k+, updated: 2/13 published: 4/29/2014, [Harry P., Tom R. Jr., Lily Evans P.]
8 Christmas All Around Inspired by Marcus' remarkable hatred of a film, Aro tries and fails to watch 'Love Actually' and has an absolutely miserable time. Side fic to Painting Red Madonnas.
Twilight, T, English, Humor, words: 1k+, favs: 26, follows: 9, 12/3/2021
78 For the Love of a Woman » With Bella and Edward's wedding night fast approaching, Edward is growing increasingly worried about the odds of her survival. When Jacob finds out about their plans to consummate the marriage, the two have a man to man talk. Together, they form a plan to save Bella, get laid, and win half the kingdom. Cowritten with Vinelle
Twilight, M, English, Romance & Humor, chapters: 12, words: 86k+, favs: 64, follows: 64, updated: 10/16/2021 published: 8/19/2021, [Edward, Jacob, Bella]
25 Sakura, Matchmaking, and Gods » When Sakura sets her sights on Sasuke, she's given much needed advice from an unexpected source. It changes some things but not others. Sequel to "Finishing the Hat"
Naruto, T, English, Humor & Friendship, chapters: 2, words: 8k+, favs: 72, follows: 49, updated: 8/25/2021 published: 8/7/2021, Naruto U., Sasuke U., Sakura H., Obito U.
3 Portrait of a Man Before the events of "Painting Red Madonnas", there was another, unfortunate, student who enrolled in Marcus' course. This one runs away screaming in terror, but also gets her primal instinct wires crossed. Turns out, terrifying aliens make for some weird sex fantasies.
Twilight, T, English, Supernatural & Horror, words: 1k+, favs: 16, follows: 5, 8/6/2021, [Marcus, OC]
1k+ Finishing the Hat » Feeling out of place in Konoha, Lee begins an exploration department in Konoha, taking her apprentice Obito with her on an expedition to another dimension a long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away. There, she confronts the strange shinobi culture there and their disdain for attachment. side fic to "Minato Namikaze and the Destroyer of Worlds"
Star Wars & Naruto, M, English, Sci-Fi & Adventure, chapters: 35, words: 298k+, favs: 1k+, follows: 1k+, updated: 8/1/2021 published: 1/14/2017, Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan K., Qui-Gon J., Obito U.
547 Blue Moon » In some other universe, Edward was a little more insistent about that "you can just sleep with Jacob" plan that he proposed to Bella inside a tent. Replace Jacob with Carlisle, insert Carlisle's need to fix the dumpster fire that is his son's relationship, and add in a dash of upset Bella and terrible things ensue.
Twilight, M, English, Humor & Romance, chapters: 17, words: 61k+, favs: 605, follows: 612, updated: 6/26/2021 published: 7/31/2020, [Bella, Carlisle] Aro, Edward
102Morilden » A little mermaid, dreaming of a world above the surface which reflects the hope she has in mankind, once meets a little prince dreaming of kingship, honor, and glory. However, like the sun glimmering on the surface of the sea, sometimes dreams, while beautiful, cannot be held in one's hands. Spin off of "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus" Little Mermaid style.
Harry Potter, T, English, Tragedy & Romance, chapters: 8, words: 28k+, favs: 171, follows: 201, updated: 3/4/2021 published: 2/4/2018, Harry P., Lily Evans P., Tom R. Jr., OC
54Carlisle and Bella's Bogus Journey » Unfortunately for Bella, the wolves do not show up in time to save her from Laurent. Fortunately for Bella, it seems like the universe refuses to let her die. She is transported back to an English forest, 1664, and a suicidal newborn Carlisle is talking Shakespearean gibberish while trying desperately not to eat her. Cowritten by Vinelle and The Carnivorous Muffin.
Twilight, T, English, Humor & Friendship, chapters: 2, words: 7k+, favs: 150, follows: 228, updated: 1/19/2021 published: 1/18/2021, Bella, Carlisle
71 There's Got to be a Morning After » In which, in a moment of blind panic, Lily remembers that she got drunk and had sex with somebody but the question is if it was Draco Malfoy or someone more appealing. Sequel to "The Night Before the Morning After"
Harry Potter, M, English, Humor & Romance, chapters: 4, words: 13k+, favs: 165, follows: 109, updated: 1/13/2021 published: 9/16/2018, [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.]
3k+ Minato Namikaze and the Destroyer of Worlds » On October 10th when the Kyuubi no Kitsune ravages Konoha, Namikaze Minato unwittingly makes a bargain with Death. Years earlier, his life is rewritten when the overpowered, bizarre, and possibly alien Eleanor Lily Potter arrives at Konoha's orphanage and quickly becomes his best friend.
Harry Potter & Naruto, T, English, Adventure & Friendship, chapters: 51, words: 348k+, favs: 5k+, follows: 5k+, updated: 10/23/2020 published: 12/13/2015, [Harry P., Minato N.]
829 Wearing the Faces of Men » When Wizard Lenin and Lily mysteriously find themselves in the Pokémon universe in Lily's second year, the pair are forced into becoming Pokémon trainers, and they, along with Ash Ketchum, travel on their journey to become Pokémon masters even as they search for a means to get home. Side fic of "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus"
Pokémon & Harry Potter, T, English, Adventure & Friendship, chapters: 22, words: 171k+, favs: 819, follows: 878, updated: 9/2/2020 published: 12/9/2017, Ash K./Satoshi, Pikachu, Harry P., Tom R. Jr.
32Tequila Sunrise » In the fall of 1992, Ginny Weasley stepped on the train to Hogwarts with a brand new diary in hand eager to meet her personal hero, Ellie Potter. Only, nothing quite works out the way she thought it would. Side fic to "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus"
Harry Potter, T, English, Angst & Friendship, chapters: 4, words: 20k+, favs: 82, follows: 107, updated: 5/14/2020 published: 12/7/2019, [Ginny W., Tom R. Jr., Harry P.]
4 Palindrome » The events of Captain Marvel turn out differently and Carol finds herself in the unenviable position of deciding what to do with Yon-Rogg. Despite both of their intentions, history repeats itself.
Captain Marvel, T, English, Romance & Angst, chapters: 5, words: 18k+, favs: 19, follows: 11, 3/20/2020, [C. Danvers/Vers, Yon-Rogg]
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