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auerlia PM
Joined Aug '07


I know this might sound crazy you might not even read this but I love to read any fic when the characters read the books stories. feel in love with Exploring Harry Potter‘s Life. What really pisses me off is when I get into the fic it isn’t finished or it’s deleted because of some asshole. So I was thinking of starting a website to post fics of the character’s read the books or any fic really as long as a disclaimer is posted I don’t see the problem with posting the fic. The reason I writing this is to ask if anyone would be up to posting on the website. I haven’t worked out all the details yet but when I do I will send you the information. Please just thank about it I know many wouldn’t think twice about something like this and wouldn’t trust something or someone to post their fics and worry that they would change them or not post them at all. I’m not going to do that you have my word I wouldn’t. Again just please thank about it I know you might be busy with real life and working but this is something that would be amazing and your readers would love. I'm putting up a poll on my about it to see what you say. I don’t know what will happen I just hope everything will work out fine. Thanks for reading this; if you really are reading.

You say Twilight
I say Harry Potter
You say vampires
I say wizards
You say Jacob Black
I say Sirius Black
you say Team Edward
I say Team Potter
You say Robert Pattison
I'll say "is Cedric Diggory"
You say Robert Pattison is hot
I say Rupert Grint is HOTTER
You think Bella and Edward are the perfect dream couple?
I think that's Ron and Hermione
You say Edward
I'll say Harry, now STUPEFY

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Cheese. milk's leap toward immortality.

Lifes Tough, get a helmet.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections? (lethal= deadly if you didn't know)

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

This is weird, but interesting! If you
can Raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too Can you raed
this? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod
aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the
hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it
dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny
iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit
a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter
by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas
tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's just a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits".
(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

On a pack of waterballons:
Children under 8 years can choke or suffocate or broken ballons.
(So if i'm older 8 i won't choke.)

are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't quite as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list...

AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen,xGabriellaxBoltonx, xEarlySunsetsOverMonroevillex, Smartest Girl In The World,'rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe', Zwergschnauzer, dablackfox101, mushroomcloudslooklikebroccoli, Really Really Long PenName Guy, xXAnimeKittenXx, Smallvillegirl2, Amuto-fan-Neko-san, DarknessXanime, KatieKakes, Liz-Beth520, Bookworm1256

About 93 of the female population would die if the Miley Cyrus decided to jump off a building. Post this on your page if you are the 7 that would yell "Jump Bitch!"

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God

Great Woman come backs

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la Casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves

Whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be

Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better one.

The women won (although in Spanish, it techinchally is La Computadora)

29 reasons why girls are the best
1.We got off the Titanic first
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark

"so who want to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?" riley

"Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."

"Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies or TV shows. If you agree, copy and paste.

If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Ga Nat Nat, Evil Older Sister, Frozenfan, Emerald Bear, Kyprioths Shadow, Ebony Rayne, lillypop, An-Jelly-Ca, Emerald Enchantress.snickerdoodlepurplebunnies, JJ-000-JJ, cto10121, Marlicat, Call me Mad Elf,


getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
'm 0 m' (was your hero)
and 'D a D' was the boy you were gonna marry?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

If you screamed and jumped around when Aang daydreamed about kissing Katara, because you thought it was real, then was angry when it was fake, copy and paste this on your profile, to spread the Kataang love!!

If you think that the sexiest line ever is "I love you" and "I know" post this on your profile.

If you ever wonder if your pets are Animagi (because after Scabbers you just don't know.) post this on your profile.

Today, we were drawing food chains in biology class. I drew grass, then an arrow pointing to a unicorn, then another one to Voldemort. Genius? Yes. MLIA.

Today, while reading MLIA, one of the stories about signs reminded me of one I saw at a restaurant's restroom. The sign said: "Employees must wash hands. Feet are optional." MLIA.

A couple weeks ago, one of the toilets on our floor in my dorm was making really wicked and loud sounds whenever it was flushed. Finally, we attached a sign to the stall saying, "Caution, beware of Basilisk." MLIA.

Today, I came home from work as usual. I have a small chalkboard in my kitchen, for reminders and such. I came in, and noticed something was different about it. Someone had erased my reminders and put "Hello. My name is Tom Riddle." I live alone, and I am now scared for my life. MLIA

Today, I was talking about Pottermore in English class. I just got through with talking about how I was excited that I was in Slytherin, when my 40-year-old teacher came up and high fived me. Apparently, he's in Slytherin too. MLIA.

Today I was in Wal-Mart, buying a new notebook for school. I saw a random kid at the very end of the isle just kinda chillin' there, but I didn't think anything of it. As I go to pick up a notebook, the first page says "Hello, My name is Tom Riddle." I went through all the notebooks to find out that it was on every one of that kind. I walked away with my notebook, and quietly whispered towards the kid at the end of the isle "My name is Harry Potter." MLIA

Today I was looking on MLIA and saw a story where somebody said their name was Narnia at Starbucks and the guy said "For Narnia!" when their drink was ready. I decided that was a brilliant idea so today, when I was at McDonalds, I told the guy my name was Narnia. I anxiously awaited my food to be ready but when it was, he just came up to me and said 'here.' MLIA

Today I was looking up directions from Japan to China on google maps. As I was scrolling through directions I noticed one of them was "Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean." Google really knows how to make traveling fun. MLIA.

Aladdin is the best Disney movie EVER! (well tied with like all disney movies execpt bambi)

who writes fan fiction for the Bible???

You say pink
I say green
You say High School Musical
You say Hip-Hop
I say Broadway Tunes
You say Jonas Brothers
I say The OBC Wicked
You say Edward and Bella
I say Elphaba and Fiyero
You say Hannah Montana
I say Glinda (of the upper uplands)
You say Dorothy
I say she's a BITCH!
You say New York
I say the Emerald City!
You say Narnia...
I say OZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK this is the BEST THING EVER!!! http:///post/6231603320/day-22-harry-potter-or-twilight

Today I met my chemistry teacher for next year, his name is Professor Snape. The first thing he said when he entered the class was "You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art that is chemistry. I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory and even put a stopper in death. If you aren't like the usual Dunderheads I have to teach." New favorite teacher? I think so. MLIA

Today i was checking out weird Canadian laws and i found one for New Brunswick and British Columbia. NB: Driving on the roads are not allowed. Ok so I'm allowed to drive on the sidewalks then? BC: It is illegal to kill a sasquach. Darn, now my summer is ruined. MLIA

I didn't actually think this would work, but it DID! I was quite freaked out.

Your instincts has its advantages all the time...

This is freaky as anything...DO NOT CHEAT (You'll kick yourself later.) I was a little skeptical trying this, but if you follow the instructions you'll be surprised! We'll see tomorrow if the wish comes true. Some of the things are freakily true, but if you sit down and think about it, most of the answers are right because the way the questions are set up. The human mind of everyone, really, it works in similar ways.

Take 3 minutes and try this...it will freak you out...BUT NO CHEATING!

This game has a funny/spooky outcome.

Don't read ahead...just do it in order! It's worth a try.

First..get a pen and paper. When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you actually know and go with your first instinct.

Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it!

1. First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column.

2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want.

3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex.

4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family...) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots.

5. Write down four song titles in 8,9,10, and 11. (Go with your instincts!)

6. Finally, make a wish.

And now the key for the game...

1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game.

2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love.

3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out.

4. You care most about the person you put in 4.

5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.

6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star.

7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.

8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.

9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.

10. 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life

NOW...post this bulletin (don't reply) within the hour. IF you do, your wish will come true...

If you don't it will become the opposite.

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me! I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message.

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

Greetings to the fine folk that moderate our site.

Myself, along with many, have been writing and posting on your fine site for years now, some of the better examples of up and coming writers out there are now suddenly finding some of the stories we've come to love at risk of being removed without the chance to even rectify our errors.

For some, that means the permanent loss of a story. There are those out there that are never able to recover a story in its original form, this is something I find to be almost worthy of a legal action, as while we cannot claim ownership of a character, the stories are OURS and simply destroying them is something that is inexcusable.

It's quite easy to simply add an MA rating, additional filters or even a simple requirement for a free membership to read the stories presented here, and would cut down on hateful anonymous reviews and posts at the same time, so I have to question as to why such a thing, in all this time, simply wasn't added. On that note, readers, please consider signing this petition:


If you're worried about falsification of a registration then have an appropriate disclaimer and then there can be no dispute, you took your steps and the PARENTS didn't monitor their children, if that is even your concern. If it is more of a personal view or desire then please at least let people know and give them a chance to remove a story that you and yours find offensive, most people on the site are actually rather cordial when it comes to such requests.

While I cannot say for sure if this letter will even reach those that may be willing to listen, of if it's more akin to a wide spectrum purge in preparation for something bigger, please understand that you are going to be losing a LARGE number of your writers, and thus your income from a lack of readers if there is not some level of action taken to help with this situation.

For those that may agree with this, please feel free to sign on and send this to the support server, maybe we can get some movement on this.





Agato the Venom Host

Jay Frost


Blood Brandy


Hisea Ori

The Dark Graven


Lord Orion Salazar Black

Sakusha Saelbu



Kumo no Makoto


Korraganitar the NightShadow



ragnrock kyuubi





Exiled crow


Dee Laynter


Final Black Getsuga



blood enraged


Masane Amaha's King


Nero Angelo Sparda




bunji the wolf


Shi Kami The Murderous Prodigy


Nostalgic Remedy

Paco the Taco Maker

Slayer of Destiny



Esprit du Coeur


If you could do what some other authors have done and post this petition as a temporary new chapter on some of your stories to help spreed the word? It would help a lot.

Hi everyone I know this is going to sound weird. I’ve been thinking about this since read the petition. I just got a chance to check my email and found out that one of my favorite authors just got her reading the series stories deleted. That pissed me off and I’m sure I’m not the only one. So in light of this news I’ve come to the decision to make a Reading/Writing Series Community on Live Journal.

Now this Comm. is available to all writes of Harry Potter, Twilight, Supernatural and any other stories anyone is using as well.

Please pass the word on to everyone else and email the_deathly_hollows7@

The Comm. is http:///

The Journal is http:///

If there is any trouble just let me know.

Thanks for reading.


Chapter 1101 Things Not To Do At Hogwarts

by: mario2171

1. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm
2. I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz” when being sent to the Headmaster’s office
3. I will not play poker or bridge with Professor Trelawney’s tarot deck
4. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms.
5. I will not draw mustaches, glasses, scars, devil horns, or other paraphernalia on the paintings in Hogwarts while the subjects are sleeping. They do not find it amusing.
6. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
-6b. Neither will I take one out on the new DADA teacher
7. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit
8. I will not change gravity on the Hogwarts grounds. My fellow students do not need to develop extra muscles and jumping into an orbit is not funny
9. I am not the Wicked Witch of the West
-9b. Neither is Professor Umbridge.
10. I will not ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
11. I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order “to see what happens.
12. I will not walk up to a Hufflepuff and ask if he/she is going to huff and puff and blow my house down
13. I will not accept anything edible from a Weasley
-13b. Especially if it is offered with a compensation for any damages
14. Hogwarts is not in the flight path of any Muggle airport, and Muggle airplanes cannot crash into Hogwarts. That being the case, there is no need to have first years standing on the spires of Hogwarts waving torches screaming "Go away, go away!!
15. I will not ask for advice from Peeves on how to wreak havoc
-15b. This goes for Fred and George, too
16. Making rumors about Harry and Draco's secret love life is not funny and it will stop soon
17. I will not suggest to Fred and George that they invent and sell Anti-Anti-Cheating Charm quills
18. I will not tell first years that the best way to study is to stay up all night balancing your textbook on your head, as gravity will cause the information to sink through the skull and into the brain
-18b. Having not done this, I will not stay up all night to laugh at said first years
19. I will not point to Harry Potter’s scar and ask if his Voldy senses are tingling
20. I will not organize a Junior Death Eaters Training Camp at Hogwarts. I will not hand out medals for "Hexing Harry Potter,” "Endangering a teacher’s life by jinxing,” or “Throwing a person from the Astronomy Tower.” I will not send the latter to Professor Snape and make him an honorary member
21. I will not add "according to the prophecy" at the end of all my sentences to raise my Divination grade
22. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "The Force.
23. I will not push Professor Flitwick from his stack of books claiming I need them for my studies
24. I will not spike my best friend’s pumpkin juice and tell him to go hit on Professor McGonagall
-24b. Or Professor Snape
25. When asked a question by a teacher I will not inform them that the answer is protected by a Fidelius Charm and I am not the Secret Keeper
26. I will not hiss at Harry Potter instead of talking
27. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class
28. I will not organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class
29. I will not tell Oliver Wood that Quidditch as been permanently canceled
-29b. Having not done this, I will not tell him that it is Marcus Flint's fault
30. I will not bewitch Percy Weasley's prefect badges to yell "I'm in love with myself!" every time it senses movement
31. The Easter Bunny is not Jesus’ Animagus form.
.32. I will not sign up the Great Lake at Hogwarts for the Summer Olympics swimming competitions
-32b. I will not take a hippogriff to the Summer Olympics to get an unfair advantage at the Equestrian competitions
33. I will not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor Tower is "Petrificus Totalus" and must be recited with their wands pointed at themselves
34. I will not give a "Chosen by whom, actually?" shirt to Harry Potter for Christmas
35. I will not refer to Aragog as “Charlotte.
36. Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins
-36b. I should not test that
37. I will not jump up and yell "VOLDERMORT, RUN!" in the middle of a D.A. meeting
38. If Death Eaters attack Hogsmeade, I will not point at the Dark Mark and shout “To the Batmobile, Robin!
39. I will not tell everyone that Draco Malfoy started the Hug A Muggle Campaign
40. I will not use magic to change test questions into those I can answer
41. I will not tell Ronald Weasley that his sister was caught snogging any of the following: 1) Draco Malfoy, 2) Any other Slytherin, 3) Michael Corner, 4) Any other Ravenclaw, 5) Zacharias Smith, 6) Any other Hufflepuff, 7) Neville Longbottom, 8) Any other Gryffindor
42. Asking Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger "When's the wedding?" is only funny a few times
43. I will not lock the Gryffindors and Slytherins in a room and take bets on who will come out alive
44. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is
-44b. And Hermione Granger
45. I will not dress in long black capes with hoods. Draco Malfoy tried this and almost peed his pants. I must learn from his experience
46. I will not tell Professor Binns that he is dead and a) needs to move on, or b) get a life
47. I will not change the speed of light to 30 mph and enjoy watching my fellow students and the teachers find out about the miracles of relativity
48. I will not start a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, as it is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept
49. I will not hand out shirts that say “Potter 7, Voldemort 0.
50. Astronomy class will not cause me to be abducted by aliens
51. I will not convince the first years that "Death Eaters" is the name for a cookery club specialized in experimental dishes
52. I will not start a howler chain-letter saying "Your life will be cursed for seven years if you don’t send this to 10 fellow students within 15 minutes.
53. I will not melt if water is poured over me
-53b. Neither will Professor Umbridge
54. I will not bewitch my cauldron to change the freezing-point of water. I will not ask Professor Snape why my potion is freezing while the cauldron is heated. Nor will I point out that I doubted from the beginning that he would be able to sort that out for me
55. I will not tell the first years on the Hogwarts Express that they have free choice of house if they swim over the lake
56. Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda
57. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be
58. Sneaking slugs into Ron Weasley's food is not funny
59. I will not tell Professor Snape that we the student body have been discussing his role in unfortunate events involving the late headmaster and have deemed him a miserable and pathetic excuse of a human being
-59b. I will also not suggest that he isn’t even human
60. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it
61. I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do in front of people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.
62. I will not hang up a sign saying "Reserved for Draco Malfoy" at the girls’ bathroom door
63. I am not allowed to ask pureblood students things like, “If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?”
64. I will not tell Dobby that Harry Potter's one greatest desire is for a pit bull named Ripper.
65. I will not tell Professor McGonagall about the great Muggle enhancer out there called botox.
-65b. I will not tell her that it would make those thin tight lips of hers into pouty bodacious things.
--65c. I will not tell her that Professor Dumbledore would particularly enjoy looking at those pouty bodacious things.
66. "42" is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.s.
-66b. Not even if the boy who’s whispering this to you tells you he heard it from Hermione Granger herself.
67. I will not set Ravenclaws on the task of calculating the exact value of pi.
68. Getting the Sorting Hat drunk only makes his song funny the first time.
69. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
70. I will not ask Professor Flitwick how Santa Claus is doing.
71. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and walking away is only funny the first time.
72. I will not ink my owl's feet, have it walk across parchment, and sell the results as cheat sheets for Ancient Runes, even though Crabbe and Goyle keep falling for it.
73. I will not change the speed of sound so that communication by owl is quicker than talking to each other.
74. I will not point out to Professor Sinistra that Astrology needs to be rewritten as Pluto is no longer a planet.
75. I will not encourage bungee jumping from the Astronomy Tower, nor do it myself, as it is disrespectful of Professor Dumbledore’s memory.
76. I will not tell Gryffindor first years that sneaking into the Slytherin dormitory is a rite of passage to truly become a Gryffindor
77. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense
-77b. Neither does Hermione Granger
78. I will not tell Professor Snape he needs to go to his "Happy Place.
79. If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-De-Dee: The Voldemort Musical," I will do so under a nom-de-plume
80. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that my teacup says she's lying.
81. I will not imitate Steve Irwin while in Care of Magical Creatures class, even if I have the best fake Australian accent
82. I will not enchant the telescopes on the Astronomy Tower to display non-existent constellations during O.W.L. exams
83. My headmaster's name is Albus Dumbledore, not "Gandalf.
84. Underwater broom riding does not distinguish the master from the layman. It is not required to become member of any Quidditch team
85. I will not use Legilimency to get the right answers from my teachers
86. I will not use Legilimency to get what my fellow students think are the right answers
-86b. This also pertains to Hermione Granger
87. I will not psycho-analyze Professor Trelawney, as it clouds her Inner Eye
88. "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice
89. I will not put a paper sign on Firenze's back saying "Pony Rides: 3 Sickles.
90. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology.
91. Neil Gaiman is not spying on us
92. I will not point out to the house-elves how much sushi could be made of the giant squid
93. I will not suggest that we read coffee beans in Divination instead of tea leaves for a bit of a change
94. I will not tell the teachers that they cannot assign homework, as we do not actually go home during the school year to do it
95. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date for the Yule Ball
96. I will not make fun of Hufflepuffs because their house colors make them look like bees
97. I will not use silencing charms on my Prefects
98. I will not to conjure the words "DRINK ME" onto the vial of any potion in Professor Snape's classroom
99. I will not add a spoonful of sugar to each potion I make. Mary Poppins was not a brewer of potions
100. Stealing first-years' clothing and then tossing it into and around the Whomping Willow is highly frowned upon
-100b. I am also not allowed to tell them that the Whomping Willow is inaccurately named and is actually a wonderful spot for peaceful reading.
101. I will not repeatedly remind Ron Weasley I am dating his brother Fred, and that it means there are now 3 people who will prank him.
"I think that is about it!" George signed his name and handed the quill to his brother. Fred signed immediately and turned to Roxy. "This it the 101 things we have successfully wrote up for you, our best friend and my girlfriend, to now try and complete." She grinned.
"My hand is gonna be a blo0dy mess when Umbridge gets hold of me." She signed the paper with a flourish. The twins grinned.
"Make sure you do them! I mean, we're leaving in 2 hours..."
"I will. You guys better go out with a bang."

"I think be out grown full time education. Whaddya say George?"
"Accio brooms!" Their Brooms zipped down the stairs, and they lept on. "See ya!"
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE." The two turned around and saw Roxy sprinting down the staircase, with parchment in her hand. "Done."
"Every last friggin' one." George looked at her in disbelief. Fred grinned.
"Come on then, gorgeous." George helped her onto Fred's broom, and she planted a kiss on Fred's cheek. "See ya Umbridge!" she yelled, wrapping her arms around Fred's waist. "Give her he'll from us Peeves." George laughed, and waved some spare fingers at Umbridge, before the 3 sped off.

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