good game
http:///index.php?referer=61573
Get $10 just for signing up
https:///r/ROWAN28?eeid=28187
92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombe and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breath. If your one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your asses off as you watch the others copy this to your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason put this on your profile.
If you think that those god-for-saken kids should just give that Trix rabbit some Trix then copy this onto your profile.
98 percent of everything is complete and utter bullshit. Especially equality. if you agree put in profile
a smart man does what he can, within the limits he is given. A wise man changes the rules when nobody is looking
challenge:
naruto high-school of the dead crossover basic idea naruto for some reason gets sent to the h.o.t.d universe and has to live their and deal with the zombies tell me what your think also if you've never seen high-school of the dead go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqHf6YnvLGg (youtube if it deletes the link) for the 1st episode
rules:
1)no yaoi- I don't care if your in to that stuff i don't want to read it
2)other members of the naruto cast can show up but no more than 2 others
3)message me if you accept i don't want to have to go searching for them
4)naruto has to already be a genin at the time none of those he was sent when he was a 6 year old pieces of crap
other than that go wild you want naruto with a bloodline go ahead you want him to wipe out all life on his old universe go ahead you want him to hold or be the juubi go ahead just make it entertaining
Bartender! Give me a scotch, a backup scotch, and a boiler scotch! That's a shot of scoth floating in a larger glass of scotch. Now scotch me, Scotchface
“You know how they take kidneys out? You’ll walk into your room and there will be plastic sheets all over the floor. Before you can react, a man in a ski mask will tie you to a chair with an Indian braided belt he got on vacation in Santa Fe. He’ll turn on some Huey Lewis. And then cut the damn thing out with a rusty keyhole saw. No antiseptic, no Novocain, no nothing! Just the song “Hip to be Square” drowning out your boyish screams.”-Roger Smith - American Dad
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God."
-Epicurus
I have a desk made of mahogany And not just any mahogany, mahogany from the planet of Malchior 7, where the trees are 300 ft tall and BREATHE FIRE! From these trees this desk was forged 2000 years ago using ancient blood rituals of the Malchior people! Not only does this make my desk neigh indestructible, but it can BEND THE FABRIC OF THE UNIVERSE ITSELF! Also it's a very fine material, very expensive... mahogany.
Popo: Alright maggots listen up, Popo's bout to teach you the pecking order... It goes: you, the dirt, the worms inside of the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami, then Popo
Memorable quotes
Lev Andropov: It's stuck, yes?
Watts: Back off! You don't know the components!
Lev Andropov: annoyed Components. American components, Russian Components, ALL MADE IN TAIWAN!
Lev Andropov: This is how we fix problem in the Russian space station!
hits panel with tool
Chick: I never told anybody this before, but I hate flyin'. So it would be an awful shame to die now.
Rockhound: That's easy for you to say. I owe 100 grand to a fat-ass loan shark which I spent on a stripper named Molly Mounds.
Chick: Boy, that's bad.
Edgar Friendly: You see, according to Cocteau's plan, I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy who likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
1. The world is a bitch, that's why we're slowly killing it.
2. When people can no longer see the beauty in the world, that's when we'll know that we've destroyed it.
3. As the cold night closes in and the light shines brighter, we cherish the day not aware that we create new horrors that haunt us in the night.
4. And thus it is human nature that will ultimatly fail the human race as our eyes grow heavy with lies, and as our heart is blackened as our heinous deeds fill it with guilt.
5. Bad spellers of the world UNTIE! If you are a bad speller and proud of it copy this to your profile.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedual to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will ignore this
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it
SOME VERY LOL SAYINGS
"Time is a great teacher, but unforutnately it kills all it's students."-Louis Hector Berlioz
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it, but you only get the warm feeling from it."-Unknown.
"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that you never know what's missing until it arrives."-Unknown.
"The average women would rather have beauty that brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."-Unknown.
"What are the three words guarnteed to embarress men everywhere? 'Hold my purse'."-Unknown
"Marriage is give or take, you better give it, or she'll take it anyway."-Unknown.
"And Dreamers shall dream and make the impossible possible and to inspire others around them to reach higher, to surpass the limits, until eternity's end"- Unknown
"NEVER GIVE UP!"- Winston Churchill
"Lonliness can't be defeated"- Gaara from the Naruto Series
To everything there is season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time pluck what is planted; A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and time to gather the stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. - Ecclesiastes 3:1-9
"The only thing new in the world is the history you don't know," - Harry S. Truman
Where seldom is heard... A discouraging word... And the skies are not cloudy all day.- from "Home on the Range"
"Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won."- Duke of Wellington
"If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'why the hell not?'"- John Wayne
"There are not great men. Just great challenges which ordinary men, out of necessity, are forced by cirumstances to meet."- Admiral William F. "Bull" Halsey
"I can picture in my mind's eye a world without war, a world without hate, and I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it"- Jack Handy
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his dilusion is a philosopher"- Ambrose Bierce
"All the best stories in the world are but one reality; the story of escape. It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times- how to escape"- Arthur Christopher Benson
"There are none so blind as those who do not see"- Unknown
"If you are going to walk on ice, you might as well dance."- Unknown
"He who attacks must vanquish. He who defends must merely survive."- Master Kahn
"It is an unfortunate fact that we can secure peace only by preparing for war."- President John F. Kennedy
"Getting rid of a delusion makes us wiser than getting hold of a truth."- Ludwig Borne
"If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."- Rene Descartes
"A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."- Albert von Szent-Gyorgyi
"Sarcasm is anger with a smile."-Natalie Hyde
"When arguing with a fool, make sure the opponent isn't doing the exact same thing."- Abraham Lincoln
"To be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone."-Suzanne Gordon
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein
"The truth is rarely pure and never simple."- Oscar Wilde
"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."- Will Rogers
"There are two theories when arguing with women. Neither one works."- Will Rogers
"He who fights monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."- Napolean Boneparte
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."- Plato
"It is perfectly American to be wrong."- Newt Gringrich
"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."- Sherlock Holmes
"Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil."- Aristotle
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."- Edmund Burke
"The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet not withstanding to go out to and meet it."- Thucyclides
"The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public."- George Jessel
"The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on."- Catch 22
"Cunning is the art of conceiling our own defects, and discovering other people's weaknesses."- William Hazlitt
"In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: it goes on."- Robert Frost
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."- Herm Albright
"Not all who wonder are lost."- J.R.R. Tolkien
"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."- Lily Tomlin
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather judgement that something else is more important than fear."- Ambrose Redmoon
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."- Harry S. Truman
"A common mistake that people make trying to design something comepletely foolproof was to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."- Douglas Adams
"Just when you realize that life's a bitch, it has puppies."- Adrienne E. Gusoff
"The optomist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."- James Branch Cabell
"You can always trust the Americans. In the end they do the right thing. After they have eliminated all other possibilies." Winston Churchill
"That's what it takes to be a hero, a little gem of innocence inside you that makes you want to believe that their still exists a right and wrong, that decency will somehow triumph in the end."- Lise Hand
"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies and not everbody lives."- A. Sachs
"Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth."- Mark Twain
"Suspicion always haunts a guilty mind."- Shakespear
"Sometimes, you just have to smile, shrug, and say 'What the hell?'"- unknown
"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all."- William Goldman, "The Princess Bride"
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."- Douglas Adams
"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elswhere."- Francois De La Rochefoucauld
"Reveal not every secret to a friend, for how can you tell but that friend may hereafter become an enemy."- Saadi
"One should expect the expected can be prevented, but the unexpected should have been expected."- Norman R. Augustine
"Destiny is what you are supposed to do in life. Fate is what kicks you in the ass to do it."- Henry Miller
"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that can not be torn, so that we see ourselves for as we really are."- Arthur Golden
"May he who has screwed over your day have his crotch infested by the fleas of a thousand camels, and may his arms be too short to scratch it. Amen."- The officer worker's prayer
"Most bitter are the quarrels between brothers."- Latin Proverb
"Happiness is the dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."- Johnny Carson
"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks."- Jack Penn
"A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."- Unknown
"Never tell people how to do things: tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity."- George S. Patton
"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."- Paul Beatly
"Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop."- Unknown
"A work of art which did not begin in emotion is not art."- Unknown
"Emotion is the starting point, the beginning, and the end."- Unknown
"Man's biggest mistake is to win over a woman without knowing how to love her."- Unknown
"I firmly believe that any man's finest hour is that moment when they have worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of the battle... victorius."- Vince Lombardi
"Friends are angels that help us getting up when our wings can't remember how to fly."- Unknown
The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step... Sometimes, taking the first step is the most difficult thing to do... Your destiny is in your hands... You must grasp it before it's too late.- Luo Tzu
"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."- Unknown
"I too often see people killing catepillars and then complaining there are not enough butterflies."- Unknown
"Roll the dice, never look back and never think twice."- taken from Papa Roach's "Just wanna be loved"
"Everyone bleeds red."- Lithius
"You all blame the effect but what about the cause?"-Unknown
"Perfection is an impossibility for humanity, for the simple fact humans themselves are imperfect. The ideal that things in our world are perfect, are simply ideals that are mistruths conjured up by madmen attempting to sustain that pitiful existence. It is impossible for us to understand what is perfect, for we are not perfect ourselves. Once humanity realizes this, we can all get on with our lives."- fellow fan-fic writer, the Magnificent It.
"Stop fighting against the system, destroy it from the inside. That's what germs do!"- fellow fan-fic writer, the Magnificent It
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away... and now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.- I Corinthians 13:3-8,13
"Out of all the tests that we as humans have to undergo, love is probably the hardest and subtlest. We can't understand it, but yet when we experience it we learn more than we do in a lifetime."- Lithius
"How can you make someone love you without forcing them?"-Bruce Noland, from "Bruce Almighty"
"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful"-taken from "Life is Beautiful" by Sixx:A.M.
"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it."- Unknown
"Love is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards."- Unknown
"We fear that which we cannot see"- Unknown
People have hope because they cannot see death standing behind them- tagline of Bleach, volume 2
If it rusts, it can never be trusted... If its owner fails to control it, it will cut him... Yes, pride is... Like a blade- tagline of Bleach, volume 8
We think that a flower on a cliff is beautiful because we stop our feet at the cliff's edge, unable to step out into the sky like the fearless flower.- tagline of Bleach, volume 12
Those who do not know what love is liken it to beauty. Those who claim to know what love is liken it to ugliness.- tagline of Bleach, volume 20
That deep wound, it's like the sea's abyss... That red guilt, it's not the color of death.- tagline of Bleach, volume 30
"A word to the wise ain't necessary; it's the stupid ones that need advice."- Bill Cosby
"He who laughs last didn't get it."- Helen Giangregrio
"Life's journey it not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, 'Holy S--, what a ride!'"- Unknown
"In the driest, whitest stretch of pain's infinite desert, I lost my sanity and found this rose."- Rumi
Every rose has its thorn... Just like every night has its dawn... Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song... Every rose has its thorn.- Poison
"Love a person for their good, but if you truly love them, you'll love them even more for their flaws."- Lithius
A light shines in the darkness, but the darkness doesn't understand it.- John 1:5
If it happens, God lets it happen, and when we say, "I don't understand," God replies, "I don't care."- Taken from The Green Mile.
We each owe a death, there are no exceptions, I know that, but sometimes, oh God, the Green Mile is so long.- Taken from The Green Mile.
"Never take life seriously, nobody ever gets out alive."- Unknown
"True strength is being able to hold it all togethor when everything else is falling apart."- Unknown
"A man said to the universe, "Sir, I exist!" "However," replied the universe, "That fact has not created me a sense of obligation.""- Stephen Crane
"Life is like a video game; the more serious you take it, the harder the rules get."- fellow fan-fic writer The Rogue Stallion
"Live as if you were going to die tomorrow, but learn as if you were going to live forever."- Unknown
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."- Albert Einstein
"There is nothing either good nor bad, but thinking makes it so."- William Shakespear
"Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, sometimes you can't see the pain someone feels."-Unknown
"There is no person who does not carry scars on their heart. If there were such a person, they would be a shallow soul."- Hiei
"That's why God put stupid people on the planet, to test the people that actually have a brain."- Anonymous
"He who is master is not of others but himself. Truly an angel."- Hachirou Kita
"Each coin has two sides, the man lost control of his and I saw a demon."-Hachirou Kita
"I saw a winged man, and when I asked him who he was, he said, 'I'm an angel.'"- Hachirou Kita
"Don not follow where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."- Unknown
"Shoot for the moon- you may miss but you'll land among the stars."- Unknown
"To the world you might be one person, to one person you might be the world."- From a random Naruto fic.
"Sometimes the past hurts too much. That makes you do stupid or impossible things to try and fix it, but the past is always dead. You can't repair yesterday."- Sato from the fic Forlorn
"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."-Unknown
"The planet in not in jeapardy. We are in jeapordy. We haven't got the power to destroy the planet- or to save it. But we might have the power to save ourselves."- taken from the book Jurassic Park
"Insanity: a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world."- R.D. Lang
"Reality is nothing but a collective hunch."- Lily Tomlin
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disclination to do so."- Douglas Adams
"Fake friends bail you out of jail and tell you that what you did was wrong, real friends would sit next to you saying 'Damn we f--ed up, but that shit was fun!'"- Unknown
"Close your eyes and think it's a bad dream. That's how I get by."- Jack Sparrow
"If you take the easy way out, what is the point?"- Lithius
"If I knew where poems came from, I would go there."- Micheal Langley
"What is this?" said the leopard, "that is so s'clusively dark, and yet so full of little pieces of light?"- Rudyard Kipling, taken from Just So Stories
"I woke up and knew he was gone. Straightaway I knew he was gone. When you love somebody you know these things."- David Almond, Skellig
Darkness always had its part to play. Without it, how would we know when we walked in the light? It's only when its ambitions become too grandiose that it must be opposed, disciplined- if necessary- brought down for a time. Then it will rise again, as it must.- Clive Barker, Abarat
"All I need is a sheet of paper and something to write with, and then I can turn the world upside down."- Friedrich Nietzsche
The strongest memory is weaker... than the palest ink.- Chinese Proverb
"Believe me. Sometimes when life looks to be at its grimmest, there's a light hidden at the heart of things."- Clive Barker, Abarat
"You never came out the way you came in."- Francis Spufford
"The world existed to be read. And I read it."- L.S. Schwartz
""Hope," is the thing with feathers."- Emily Dickinson
"All writers are lunatics!"- Fenoglio, Inkspell
"When we stare into the eyes of God and say 'I don't want any part of it,' He turns around and replies 'what choice do you have?,'"- Unknown
"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"We are one of only three species on our planet that can claim to be self-aware, yet self-delusion may be a more significant characteristic of our kind."- Michael Crichton
"In this secular existence, perfection is an illusion, regardless of those who utter the contrary; this is the reality: common man seeks it out, they aspire to acheive it as if it was some tangible thing, but the fact of the matter is perfection is a hollow shell. It is devoid of any substance. I spit on perfection."- Mayuri Kurotsuchi, Bleach
"There is nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home. When you've lost it all, that's when you finally realize that life is beautiful."- Nikki Sixx
AND SOME SUPER YO MAMA JOKES TO FOLLOW IT UP!!
Yo mamma is so fat, when God said let there be light, he was asking her to move over!
Yo mamma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!
Yo mamma is so hairy, the only language she speaks is WOOKIE! Oerrrwaaa!
Yo mamma is so ugly, she makes onions cry!
Yo mamma is so fat, when she turns a corner, the police give her a ticket for not putting on her blinker!
Yo mamma is so fat, to baptize her they needed to use the Pacific Ocean!
Yo mamma is so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it never came back!
Yo mamma is so ugly, they renamed Halloween, Yomammaween!
Yo mamma is such a sloppy old drunk, I mistook her for David Hasslehoff!
Yo mamma is such a queer, I mistook her for Tom Cruise!
Yo mamma is so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to take two trips!
Yo mamma is so ugly, when she went to the beauty shop, it took two hours to get a estimate!
Yo mamma is so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, 'ONLY ONE PERSON AT A TIME'!
Yo mamma is so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch sixty minutes!
Yo mamma is so stupid she tried to organize M&M's alphabetically!
Yo mamma is so stupid she took a spoon to the Superbowl!
Yo mamma is so stupid, she jumped out a window and went up!
Yo mamma is so fat when she went floatin' in the ocean, Spain claimed her for the new world!
Yo mamma is so fat that when she fell in love, she broke it!
Yo mamma is so fat she's got her own area code!
Yo mamma is so fat, Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
Yo mamma is so fat, she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook!
Yo mamma is so fat, she influences the tides!
Yo mamma is so fat, her college graduation picture was taken from the air!
Yo mamma is so fat, she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles!
Yo mamma is so ugly, when she was born, the doctor turned around and slapped her mother!
Yo mamma is so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes ON in strip clubs!
Yo mamma is so ugly, when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out!
Yo mamma is so ugly, yo dad takes her to work so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye!
AWWWW DAMMMMMN!!
parings i like:
naruto/any none filler girl
ichigo/orhime
renji/rukia
ichigo/rukia
harry/any girl except most Slytherin
parings I hate:
any yoai parring what so ever (if the main parring is yoai I will not read it)
femnaruto/any guy (except maybe a well written femnaruto/itachi to me femnaruto should be Yuri)
MANLAW
The male equivalent of the 10 Commandments
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
(e) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”
We hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.
The Laws of Anime Version 6.0
Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito
#1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
#3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
#8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
#10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
#12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.
#14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.
#15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.
#17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.
#18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.
#20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
#21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...
#22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
#24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
#25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
#27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
#28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
#32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
#34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
#35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.
#36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing intelligence
--Incredible Irritation
#37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
#38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...
#40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
#42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.
#44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
#45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
#46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.
#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later,
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.
#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff Sniff
#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.
#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and
the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
Phenomenon")
52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons
for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.
#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan or something.
#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.
#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use
it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.
#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.
#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
A negative charge will result in the
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.
#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate
when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7
for speaker pods)
#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot
couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)
#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract,
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.
#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.
#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few... of even the one.
#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)
#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)
#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing
this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.
#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be
increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.
#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and
lethality of the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.
#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in
Ambient Dramatic Tension.
#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in
slow motion.
#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and
65)
#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages
will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.
#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly
past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.
#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and
exposition),
Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.
#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?
#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)
#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.
#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just
doesn’t work in real life...
#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.
#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
you’re normally a klutz.
#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
Hentai anime is to start having sex.
#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he
is wrong and will invariably be toasted.
#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!
#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see
Laws #67, 69, and 84)
#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they
tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
b) Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toasted.
#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.
#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.
#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...
#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.
#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive
vagina.
#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them
introducing themselves.
#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal,
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.
#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.
#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the
skin of the tentacle...
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.
#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage
begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
Thing")
#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)
#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)
#99- Law of Sparklines- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said
character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...
#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!!
Cool Quotes and sayings-
"I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse."
"The Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Suicide Hotline, please hold."
"A good friend will bail you out of jail. A real friend will be sitting in the cell with you saying 'That was fun!'"
"I have animal magnetism-when I go outside squirrels stick to my clothes."
"The trouble with real life is that there's no background music."
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts."
"I have not lost my mind; it's backed up on a disk somewhere."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"Computers make very accurate mistakes. (22=3 Calculated in 0.000000001 seconds)"
"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room."
" If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"
"If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost."
"OK, I'm wierd! But I'm saving up to become eccentric."
"I trend to think in simple, clear terms that are wrong. (I is wierd!)"
"Yo-yo: an object occasionally up but normally down (See also: computer)."
"Beware of the letter "G." It is the end of everything."
"I do visit reality, although it's on a tourist visa."
"Flying is not inherently dangerous; crashing is."
"If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?"
"One thing you can learn by watching the clock: It passes the time by keeping its hands busy."
"Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is. (Restore Normality Button)"
"In dog years, I'm dead."
"Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."
"The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."
"Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, 'Psst. That's the Secret Service.'"
"People are like slinkies. Basically useless. But yet it is so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs"
"Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win."
"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door..."
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
"He learned what every man must learn...never insult a girl's looks, especially if said girl can kick your ass"
"I'm not awesome, you just suck."
"IT'S THE SUGAR TALKING, I SWEAR!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, as I stand here before you, sitting behind you, I am here to tell you something I know nothing about. Next Wednsday, being last Friday, there'll be a lady's convention for men only. Admission is free, you pay at the door, pull up a chair, and sit on the floor."
"People say violence isn't the answer. Well, they're right. Violence is the question. The answer is 'HELL YES'."
"I never said I was normal... you just presumed I was."
"Life's a bowl of punch. Go ahead and spike it."
"Stupidity got us into this, why can't it get us out?"
"Leadership's not about fireing bullets and stabbing people...it's about being able to tell others to fire bullets and stab people!"
YOU CRY, I CRY, YOU LAUGH, I LAUGH, YOU FALL OFF A CLIFF, I LAUGH EVEN HARDER!!
-Why go to expensive therapy when bubble wrap is free?
-I like to wave at those moments as they pass by.
-Holy Batman, Taco!
-Sit, boy!!
They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well I think guns help. I mean if you stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars, and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 28 to smile. Though it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone in the mouth.
Silence is golden... but shouting is fun!
Don't knock on Death's door; ring the bell and run- he hates that
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it!
Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls!
Why don't you just go jump off a cliff?
This morning, I woke up and asked myself: "I wonder what I can do to piss someone off today...?"
The weather man lied!
If you can't beat them, run for your life. If they catch you, play dead
The crazy people made me their leader, but then my mom took me away from the asylum we were in...
"On your grave it will say 'always at the wrong place, at the wrong time!'" "How about 'yipeekaiiei, mother F'''ER!" (bang)
"Joseph...You're an odd boy." "You came back from the dead to tell me I'm odd?"
"If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike."
when in doubt C-4
You say Britney--I say Three Days Grace. You say Jonas Brothers--I say Rise Against. You say PINK--I say Breaking Benjamin. You say HANNAH MONTANA--I say Papa Roach. You say Kelly Clarkson--I Say Guns 'n Roses. You say Fallout Boy--I say the Who. You say Chris Brown--I say Black Sabbath. You say ZAC EFRON--I say He's gay. You say RAP--I say Rock. You say IM STRANGE--I say NO! 92 of teenagers population has moved on to RAP. IF UR part of the 8 who still listens to REAL music...COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE and add your name into this list: THIRD-IMPACT-end-of-humanity Full Metal Ninja Naruto