To the people I hurt with my lies,

You all have probably forgotten about me by now. That's good. I truly hope that you don't give a damn about anything I have to say. I hope that you all have moved on with your lives. That would be for the best.

But for what it's worth, I'm sorrier than any of you could possibly imagine. Over the past four to five years, I have paid and paid and paid for what I did, and I know that it will never be enough to make it up to any of you. Even if any of you found it in your heart to forgive me, there's no way in hell that I will ever forgive myself. I will go to my grave blaming myself for everything, as I should. I have had many epiphanies about who I am as a person, and I know that I will go to the darkest pits of the afterlife for all of the hurt I put everyone through - again, as I should.

I will make no excuses for what I did; it was a series of evil actions. I was too cowardly to tell people the truth. I honest to fate thought that none of you would care one bit about the actual me instead of the facade I presented to you. That was my motivation. I wanted you to be my friends, but I was too much of a narcissist to think of you as friends at the time. I was a callous and cruel teenager who thought only about himself. I'm a much different person now, and I absolutely fucking hate the person I was and am. Four years of nearly constantly thinking about how much you hate yourself and how much you want to kill yourself, two suicide attempts (one of which was unfortunately interrupted by someone - you know who you are - and one this year where I lost my nerve at the very last second), and two separate trips to a psychiatric ward will do that to a person. Again, this is all my fault. I brought this on myself. I don't want or expect any pity or sympathies from any of you.

If you choose not to believe me, that's fine. You have every reason to not believe a word I say. You have every right to doubt my motivations for this message. Likewise, I have absolutely no reason to lie at this point in my life; the only good thing that ever came out of it was that I finally figured out how screwed up of a person I really am - and even that is a Pyrrhic victory, as I can't go back in time and prevent myself from doing the things I did.

Honestly, I don't give a shit if anyone reads this or not. I only typed this up in case people do - inexplicably, I might add - care about anything I have to say. If you think I'm lying or decide to laugh at this or say that I'm doing this for attention, that's fine. I just wanted you all to know that I feel a great deal of remorse for my actions, that said actions were completely inexcusable, and that I am, in fact, paying the consequences and will pay for the rest of my life. It's your prerogative whether or not you want to believe me.

Mem.