"Try Not To Cry"-Seriously, if your eyes don't at least get a little misty when you read this you have a problem.

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

So, Please if you would, Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry and remember how blessed they truly are,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as "Try Not To Cry"

2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how cold-hearted you really are...

it ok to cry

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost. And for everyone who never got the chance to say "goodbye" No author given.

Really Dumb Store labels:

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of
Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

On a hair straightener: "Do not use in water." (Yes, because I always straighten my hair when I'm taking a bath.)
On a sunflower seed packet: "This is not a peanut product." (I always thought peanuts came from sunflowers until now,of course.)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly"

25 Reasons Why I Owe My Mother

mother taught me:TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

mother taught me: RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

mother taught me: TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

mother taught me: LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

mother taught me: MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

mother taught me: FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me: IRONY

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me: CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me: WEATHER

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me: HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION

"Just wait until we get home."

mother taught me: RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

mother taught me: ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

mother taught me: HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about my Roots.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me: Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people

Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane Intercom

1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore

2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know

3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?

4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding.

5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin'

6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory...

7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?

8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?

9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another...

()()
(0.0)
( _ )

I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor

If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate.

Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet, they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a slinky..not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

If someone says there are a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if someone say that there is wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

"When life give you lemons, make lemonade." Well, you know what, life never gave you water and sugar, so you can only make lemon juice.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God.

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what, and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

Too many people are on crack. If you're not, add this to your profile.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love gazing out at the stars and the moon, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are weird and proud of it put this on your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you like to read people's profiles when you're bored, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Fanfiction.net is way better than Myspace could ever hope to be in eternity, copy and paste and add your name to the list: otherrelmwriter, ChibiSkitty-donna, AquaFlameElementalist, Luvablenerd, The Nobody With A Heart, HostClubRegular10, knyghtstar, Yamikage -Shadow-, VampireOfTheNet, Almiaranger, Espeon 210, Shinyumbreon, dawnberlitzx3, Link's Little Brother, Thoren Quill, Sonicgirl77,shimo, PapaBigNoseJr

If you are part of the .0000001 percent of people who don't have a MySpace, copy this onto your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless (but fun), and you do it anyways, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever yelled at an inanimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

Eighty percent of Americans don't smoke. If you're one of that eighty percent, copy and paste this into your profile.

NEED TO TELL YOU A SECRET (LO0K AT #5)
2) THE ANSWER IS (L0OK AT #11)
3) D0NT GET MAD (L0OK AT #15)
4) CALM DOWN DONT BE TICKED OFF ( L0OK AT #13)
5) FIRST (L0OK AT #2)
6) D0NT BE THAT MAD (L0OK AT #12)
7) I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI...LOL
8 ) WHAT I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS...(THE ANSWER IS ON #14)
9) BE PATIENT (L0OK AT #4)
10) THIS IS THE LAST TIME IMMA DO THIS (L0OK AT #7)
11) IM NOT MAD WHEN IM SAYIN THIS (L0OK AT#6)
12) S0RRY (L0OK AT #8 )
13) D0NT BE GETTIN ALL HYPE (L0OK AT #10)
14) I D0NT KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS (L0OK AT #3)
15) YOU MUST BE REALLY TICKED OFF (L0OK AT NUMBER #9)
(Put it on your page if you laughed)

An atheist professor of philosophy asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes, sir," the student says.

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

Now the professor asks, "Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil," replies the student.

The professor grins knowingly.

"Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"

"Yes, sir, I would."

"So you're good…!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

The student remains silent.

"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Er… yes," the student says.

"Is Satan good?"

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."

"Then where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From God," he answers after a few moments.

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"

"Yes."

"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"So who created them?"

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."

The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No, sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir, I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"Yes."

"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"

"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."

"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"And is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No, sir, there isn't."

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest, minus 458 degrees.

"Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.

"What about darkness, professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word.

"In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"

"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.

"Sir, science can't explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.

"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from monkeys?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an ongoing endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"

The class is in an uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.

"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."

The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.

"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.

"So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."

"Now, you accept that there is faith, and in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"

Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course there is. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

10 facts about you

1. You're reading my profile

2. You're realizing that's a stupid fact

4. You didn't notice I skipped three

5. You're checking

6. You're smiling

7. You're still reading my profile

9. You didn't realize I skipped eight

10. You're checking again and smiling about how you fell for it again. :)

11. You are enjoying this

12. You didn't realize there's only supposed to be ten facts Copy and paste if you fell for it, too. You know you did

Month one

Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy I'm a boy! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.

Two more eyes that will never see.

Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried post this in your profile

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that thing up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you *!"

Rock beats paper. Always. But since we live in a world where Paper may beat rock, use Cannonball; it makes a big hole in paper.

If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you weird, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk/sing to yourself copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have just tried having a thumb war with yourself, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you find Spongebob funny SOMETIMES, but most of the time he is SO annoying you want to throw the TV out the window, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever pulled on a door that said push, or vise versa, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever stayed up past 2 in the morning reading, copy and paste this on your profile.

If random songs pop into your head for no apparent reason, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block blows, copy and paste this to your profile.

Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

People say that I'm weird, but I think that weird is strange, and strange is odd, and odd is different, and different is unique, and everyone is unique, so unique is normal, so therefore I am normal. If the same is true for you, copy this onto your profile!

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this to your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this to your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile (:

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are reading this line, copy and paste it in ur profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this to your profile.

1. When in doubt, find the dam snack bar- The Titans Curse
2. With great power comes a great need to take a nap-The Last Olympian
3. Paradises are places that can get you killed- The Battle of the Labyrinth
4. Gods get offended easily. Then they blow stuff up.- The Titans Curse
5. As a demigod, you are twice as vulnerable - The Lightning Thief
6. You can't fix a person like a machine.-The Battle of the Labyrinth
7. Monsters will vaporize when sliced by a celestial bronze sword.-The Battle of the Labyrinth
8. Avoid poisonous swords or you'll die, after you shrivel slowly to dust-The Battle of the Labyrinth
9. Anything is possible: including blue food and that Percy can pass seventh grade. - The Sea of Monsters

Things I Have Learned From Rick Riordan:

1. Math teachers are evil.

2. Never upset a child of Athena.

3. Sets' secret name is Evil Day. (Use it with care)

4. The Set animal does not appreciate being called Leroy.

5. Never trust a Chihuahua.

6. Pink poodles called Gladiola are very kind.

7. The God of Toilet Paper can actually be really cool.

8. It isn't impossible to gamble with moonlight.

9. Believe it or not; HellHounds can be domesticated into house - well... arena pets...

10. Elvis was a magician. Seriously!

11. Never trust bald men who try to sell you water beds.

12.The Ferryman of the Dead wants a pay rise.

13. It is not safe to leave a possessed Hispanic alone on a warship only he can drive.

14. The five elements are Earth, Fire, Water, Air, and Cheese.

15. Underwater kisses are much better than normal ones.

16. Everyone wants to turn Percy into a dolphin.

17. Never underestimate your power.

18. Percy needs to learn how to not blow up mountains.

19. Calypso is always on Percy's mind. Always. Next to Annabeth.

MORE COMING SOON. I STILL HAVE TO READ DoD!*

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!!

FactsOfLife

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.

Life is like a pack of gum . . . I've yet to figure out why.

Be insane . . . because well behaved girls never made history.

If your name is Mr.Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing up is optional . . .

We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But we teenage girls are good at 2 things: Staying Strong, and Being Ourselves.

Life was so simple when boys had cooties!

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, I just have many thougt- OH! A SQUIRREL!

Really Dumb Store labels:

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of
Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits".
(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".

Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of it.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, and tommorrow doesn't look good either.

If you have ever laughed at something that you wouldn't normally laugh at because it was really late at night, copy this into your profile

If you're obsessed with PJO like me, copy this into your profile.

PERCABETH FOREVER!!

IF YOU HATE PRACHEL, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!

LONG LIVE THE GODS!!

If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your last name wrong...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of the effects, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.

Robbers stab you in the stomach. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. Friends stab you in the back. Best friends don't carry knives.

When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip n' slide.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly (about 24 hours now not counting the few hours of sleep), Alleyanna Cullen,hugz.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6 (hoo yeah), GlindaFied26, XxXpurplelilyxXx Bookluvrxoxo, Daydreamer897, The Friendly Chupacabra, Shorty and KG Inc.(:D), AVirgoGirl, xcheergrlx3, percyrocksmysoxs, -percabethLUVER-, percabethgirl13, DaughterOfLupaxmx, PapaBigNoseJr

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

if you believe these or think they are true, copy them onto your profile:

there are 3 kinds of people in this world. those who can do math and those who can't.

dont worry about the people in your past, theres a reason they didnt make it to your future.

the rules only apply if you get caught.

some people are like slinkies...they're really good for nothing...but the still bring a smile to your face you push them down a flight of stairs.

"I'm not suffering from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."

"Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have the film."

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

TO ALL MY FRIENDS:

1. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

2. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

3. When you are confused, I will use little words.

4. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.

5. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.

laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid...

7.When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:

Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"

Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.

Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...)

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.

Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"

Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the Lobby to get ourselves a treat"

Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

Before the movie begins, tape fart cusions to various chairs in the theater room.

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a watergun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can here it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.

Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

‘It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live’ -J.K. Rowling

‘It is the choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.’ -Albus Dumbledore

‘Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye’ -H.Jackson Brown.Jr

‘When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us’ -Helen Keller

‘If you don’t build your dream, someone else will hire you to help build theirs’ -Tony Gaskins

‘A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself’ -Josh Billings

‘Dogs are not our whole lives, but they make our lives whole’ -Roger Caras

‘A dog doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he’ll give you his’ -Milo Gathema

'If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself." -Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

'Where's the glory in repeating what others have done?" -Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

'With great power... comes a great need to nap. Wake me up later." -Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian

'Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face." -Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

'Life is only precious because it ends, kid.' -Heroes of Olympus The Son of Neptune

'Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing.' Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

'Getting something and having the wits to use it... those are two different things.' -Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Labyrinth

'But remember boy, that a kind act can sometimes be as powerful as a sword.' -Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Labyrinth

'Does truth have a moral?' Percy Jackson and The Sea of Monsters

'There is always a way out for those clever enough to find it.' -Percy Jackson and The Titan's Curse

'Sugar and caffeine. My willpower crumbled.' -Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

'Maybe it's okay to be a kid once in a while.' -Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Labyrinth

And this is the one that would help fellow FanFiction Writers like me for inspiration:

‘There is no brilliance without a bit of insanity’ -Unknown

Let's eat, Gramma!
Let's eat Gramma!
PUNCTUATION SAVES LIVES.

I find inspiration in cooking, my family, and my dog.
I find inspiration in cooking my family and my dog.
COMMAS SAVE LIVES.

Dear Math,
Please stop asking us to find your X. She's not coming back, and don't ask Y either...

Dear Math,
I am not a therapist. Solve your own problems.

Dear Yahoo,
I have never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo it!"Just saying...
Sincerely, Google

Dear The Optimist, The Pessimist, and The Realist,
While you idiots were arguing whether the glass was half full, half empty, or half of both air and water hence always full, I drank the glass.
Sincerely, The Opportunist

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I hate rhyming.
Zebra.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," the sarcastic teacher said. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher.
"Well, actually, I don't," said the student, "I just hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE.
You little rebel. I like you.

Real men don't sparkle. Real men defeat dark wizards.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, but on Halloween, its encouraged. Does this make sense to anyone?

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me! I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

You have 3 Choices: 1) Put this in your profile 2) Re Post This 3) Ignore if it never touched your heart

My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid, I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all; I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I awake, I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm sradishing to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get FREE
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I sradish to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight, my daddy
Murdered me.
Put this in your profile if you think that child abuse is wrong.

1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart
2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment
3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham
4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!! You're ALIVE!! It's a MIRACLE!! etc."
5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other person was trying to take your _
6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!"
8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"
9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"
10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"
11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men
13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them
14. Grab a guitar and START SINGING Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice
15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts
16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens
18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department
19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap
20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor
21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"
23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation
24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..."
25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...
26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it
27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind."
28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song
29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"
30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!" Then run out of the store screaming
31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names?
32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles
33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them
34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out
35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"
36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room
38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food"
39. TP as much of the store as possible
40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! then get back up & act normal
41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."
42. Go to the music aisle and START SINGING horrible karaoke
43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off
44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day
45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department
46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom
47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"
48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item FREE... & see what happens
49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts
50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners
51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!
52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night
53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras
54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand
55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face
56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by
57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken
59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"
60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"
61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name
62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters
63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans
64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again
65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you
66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!
67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing
68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!"
69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head
70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"
71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!"
72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that.
73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."
74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.
75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song
76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store
77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead
78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you
79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles
80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."
81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down
82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham
83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags
84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle
85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions
86. Swing on the half price banners
87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you're annoyed
88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty
89. Hold Barbie for ransom
90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You"
91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart
92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"
93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"
94. Do your own radio show over the intercom
95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask
96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up
97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!
98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you
99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over
101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund
102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby
103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..."
104. SPILL water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded
105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items
106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!"
107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!"
108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"
109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit
110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"
111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around
112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!"
113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend ur having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!! NOOOOOO!!" Then start rolling around
114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."
115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy frys. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the frys above their head like there getting married
116. look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"
117. Get a tent ( With holes preferably ) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in
118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.
120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.
121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.
122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Walmart
124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things 125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.
127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.
128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.
130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.
131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.
132. Light a match under a sprinkler
133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away.
134. Buy something that is like 5 and give the cashier all pennies.
135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!! I haven't seen you in so long!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.
136. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"
137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.
138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
139. start hitting on the mannequins.
140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up.
141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap.
142. Put women's clothes into men's carts.
143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking.
144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!"
145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.
146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!"
147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!"
148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel
149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME!
150. Start jumping on one of their beds attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!"
151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.
152. Ask for Goat Milk
153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.
154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"
155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people
156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"
157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!"
158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?"
159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans!
160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.
161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA"
162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!"
163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way.
164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker!
165. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins
166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.
167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3.
168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it.
169. eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face
170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time.
171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.
172. Start playing the violin.
173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!"
174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead.
175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in.
176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce lika a bum
177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!"
178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily
179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan.
180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend.
181. Shoot spitwads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically
182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"
183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"
184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff
185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes.
186. Walk around in a court jester costume
187. Run at people with a pitch fork
188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack
189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them
190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two."
191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!"
192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people
193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair'
194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can.
195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day
196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals
197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera
198. Yell curse words at people
199. Knock down as many displays as you can
200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away.
201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people
202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away
203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?"
204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle
205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces
206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"
207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone.
208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming.
209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.
210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store.
211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!"
212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years.
213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short.
214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!"
215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!"
216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock
217. Tap dance through the store
218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican
219. Rip open every package you see
220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way.
221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically)
222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi."
223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again.
224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!"
225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are.
226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!"
227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers.
228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see.
229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish.
230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face.
231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.
232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target
233. Throw a party in a busy isle
234. Test drive lawn mowers
235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store
236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around
237. Carry a bomb and make it explode
238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it
239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager
240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by
241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!"
242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you.
243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar
244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!"
245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers
246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car)
247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac.
248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"
249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?"
250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it
251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?"
252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda
253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!"
254. Order a pizza from the cashier
255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred
256. Start a food fight
257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?"
258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves.
259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you
260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt
261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"
262. Flip off the manager
263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too...
264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!"
265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide accross the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!"
266. Throw a dance party
267. Write on the floors
268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling.
269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're LUCKY, their underwear.
270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint.
271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it.
272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!"
273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them.
274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.
275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!"
276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down.
277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie!
278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done.
279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase
280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra
281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time.
282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow
283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks
284. Flirt with the manager's wife
285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman.
286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil
287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!"
288. Announce a sock-sliding CONTEST and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun...
289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in
290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."
291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people.
292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!"
293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...)
294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target, Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them.
295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...)
296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!"
297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!"
298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!"
299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint
300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!"
301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas
302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey
303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar
304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal Mart a Make Over.
305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry.
306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!" 307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.
308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is.
309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!"
310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run.
311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples."
312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!"
313. In Walmart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them. 314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?"
315. Spit in the manager's face
316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad
317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat vallet guy stole my car."
318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt
319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles
320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!"
321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!"
322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!"
323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people
324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance
325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!"
326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person.
327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!"
328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them.
329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!"
330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years.
331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"
332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song.
333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!!"

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

Eevee Power! Help Eevee take over the world by pasting this on your profile. Credit goes to EeveeInHeat.
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... ... ... ... ... ... ..RHHR ... ...RHR.;.R . .H
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .R.RHHHR

The Stupidest Things On Products

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits." (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Wow. That's really helpful)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Aw, that's the whole purpose of buying the costume!)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food!?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion).

On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (That's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos!: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (the shoplifter special?)

On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children.” (I should fucking hope so!)

Boeing 757: "Fragile. Do not drop."(That means you, Hulk! Put that fucking airplane down, you might drop it!)

Scoop-able cat litter: "Safe to use around pets." (Again, I should fucking hope so!)

Baby oil: "Keep out reach of children." (Good thing babies aren't children, isn't it!)

Hair coloring: "Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yeah. My grandmother died because she thought my hair dye was ice-cream topping and put it in a sundae)

Komatsu Floodlight: "This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark." (OMG!! That's as amazing as a newsreader reading the news!)

Earplugs: "These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)

RCA television remote control:"Not dishwasher safe." (Did someone do this once...?)

Road sign: "Caution: water on road during rain." (No. Duh. Sherlock.)