Name : not tellin
Age : old enough
Sex : male
Likes : stuff
Dislikes : stuff
Visit my adopted dragon at http:///
You know you live in 2011 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played Solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or MySpace
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that... You know you did.
FAKE VS. REAL
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile. REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when they have problems they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it
A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love.
In case you need further proof that the human race is
doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of
Chips:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how??)
On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought??...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause
drowsiness.
(And I am taking this...because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use".
(damn, but i have a whole stash in
my basement that were just right to process)
On packet of Nobbys'
Peanuts:-
"Warning: contains nuts.
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
:.:7 Ways to Scare your roommates:.: (Does green skin not scare one enough?)
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
HOLY BOOK OF LOG EXCERPTS:
Honorary Member of The Book of Log.
If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments
Position: Log Priest
Possible Book of Log Positions:
Log Worshiper: Beginning position. No requirements
Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story
Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log
OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews
OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.
Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still reccommended.
Log excerpt number 231: if konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months.
Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:
For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.
For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five
saplings.
For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten
saplings.
For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall
plant one sapling per square inch of detached log.
For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant
twenty-five saplings.
'and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy.
and the ninja spoke: yea, thee and thine kin shall forever be blessed among me and mine kin. for thine bravery will never be forgotten.'
-book of the log, song of the willow, verses 1-4
'as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.'
-book of the log, chronicle of the replacement verse 3
'you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads.
you have been denied the log for a long time, sandwalker. we cannot force you to see the glory of the log, but know this. when the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the log will hear your prayers, and aid you.'
-book of the log, redwood journals verses 15-16
'and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend.'
-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle I, verses 78-82
'he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none.
-book of the log, wanderers saga, verses 7-9
'the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content.'
-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle II, verses 59-70
Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log.
For the log is with thee, my friend. The most holy of the forest, shall save thee. Shall be thy salvation! And yet, the log asks for nothing in return.
(Contributed by Margulide)
"Respect the sacrifice of the log that you may continue your life! You have been spared for another chance! Nurture the Life Giving Living Sap that flows within the depths of the LOG! For the log has saved countless and will save countless more!"
(Contributed by Reader-Of-Many)
The log is my savior; I shall not char.
It burneth in my stead: it protecteth me from the flames.
It confoundeth mine enemies: it covereth mine escape.
Yea though I walk through the compounds of Uchiha, I will fear no katon; for thou art with me, thy bark and thy sap they shieldeth me.
Thou provideth me with shielding from the kunai of my enemies: from their shuriken and their wrath; my gratitude is never ending.
Surely splinters and termites shall folllow me all my ninja life, but I shall remain devoted to The Log forever!
- Log Oath #23
(Contributed by Kaori)
"As the two titans clashed, the world stood at stand still. The black flame of the heretic Uchiha Madara blazing fiercely against the holy life-giving power of the Log Pope Senju Hashirama. As the ebony flame threatens to vanquish the divination of the Holy Log, it all came to naught as the Shodai Hokage drew all of his power to quench the abomination, thus ending the terror which threatened the continuity of the blessing from the holy sap."
(Contributed by Desphere)
"For as much as it hath pleased The Log of its great mercy to take unto itself the soul of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, branches to branches, trunk to trunk; in sure and certain hope of the return to eternal life, through our savior the Log, who shall change our vile body, that it may be like unto its glorious body, according to the mighty working, whereby it is able to subdue all things to itself. “
(Contributed by Djinn Crimsora)
"As the seventh moon cycle passed, the Holy Log Pope begged for help from the gods, and his please was justly answered. Bathed in light, Hashirama Senju took up the powers of the log, and as the light left him, he saith, "Let there be logs."'
Birth of Konoha, verse 5
The Holy Log and I
A beginners guide for the ways of the Log
This guide is for the beginning Log acolyte with a small amount of commandments and and tips to start with your training in to the ways of the Log
From the Book of the Holy Log these commandments were given to the very first Log Pope - a ninja called Woody - by the Great Tree of Life which still stands to the day in Rogugakure (Village Hidden in the Log), the epicenter of all Log believers.
Commandments
1 Thou shalt never hurt a Log purposely.
2 Thou shalt take care of the Log and the Log shalt take care of thee.
3 Every 365 Moon Cycles thou shalt make a crusade to the Great Tree and make an offering so the Log will prosper.
4 When thou commits heresy thou will be transformed to a disgraced Log and will burn Eternally in the unholy fires of Hell.
5 When thou has died and lived the ways of the Log dutifully thou shalt take place in the afterlife in the Forest of Life.
These are the Primary Commandments and you must obey them always. When your training progresses you shall learn more of them.
Nevertheless here are tips to live by the Log:
1) Always use Rice Paper. Using Log Paper is frowned upon.
2) At least pray thrice a day to the Great Tree.
3) Try, with thy utmost effort, to spread the Holy Teachings of Log.
4) When evil is committed to an Log commit justice to the heretic. ( Keep in mind that 95% of the world are disbelievers and that these rules are not used in the government system so act discretely.)
5) When you make an offering to the Great Tree always be respectful , even if the Great Tree does not answer.
6) Thy will find a companion in a Log with which thee should go everywhere, and it shalt become thy travelers Log.
7) Where Holy life sap is spilled plant a seed there so a tree may prosper there.
8) When writing the apology to the Log who saved your life name at least 5 reasons why you could not act otherwise.
9) When a log Priest or Pope is nearby greet him and the Log he carries.
10) If you follow the ways dutifully the Log Pope may grant you with some life sap of the Greet Tree itself! Drink it and may you be closer to the Tree and the Log.
11) When one of the messengers of the Tree itself is nearby bow for him for the Great Log Sage will only grace the holiest of worshipers with his advice, whether through messenger or not.
12) Embrace the Squirrel Summons as your companions if they grace you with their presence.
All in all these basic rules and tips are a great start to begin with the ways of the Log but remember there is always more to learn.
If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile
If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever fallen asleep in a class, paste this to your profile.
if you have ever wanted to blow something up for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away then remebered, copy this into your profile.
If you're conviced Sasuke is gay and emo, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you and/or your best friend are insane, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
A friend tries to help you when you get hurt, a true friend sits there laughing their ass off saying, "Dude, you're an idiot!"
if you have crazy psychopathic dreams of world domination join me and copy this into ur profile
95 Percent of teens would have a breakdown if The Jonas Brothers were standing on the edge of a tower ready to jump, copy and paste if your a part of the 5 who would bring a lawn chair and popcorn!!
98 of people under 25 surround their minds with rap music.If you're part of the 2 that stayed with rock & techno, put this in your profile
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, Chocolate Chan, Staring.out.my.flooded.window, TheDevilsAngel93, c. b. o. l., Vert9411, pinkcherryblossoms225, CherryBlossoms016, Sam-AKA-SakuxSasuLover-, crimsonchidori, Alicia Kawa Uchiha, SilentSinger948, NaruHinaxNejiTen,Kingu Kitsune, Jinchuriki94, JSPRX, Edd1460
If you don't enjoy doing homework, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you always put things off until the last minute, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you'd rather stay at home than go go to school, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, add this to your profile.
The Situation in Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."