Hey, Zena here! I'm not going to say much besides I am an avid writer and a beta reader.
If you've ever snapped your fingers like Roy Mustang and wished flames would appear, copy this and put it on your profile.
If you've ever attempted alchemy by clapping your hands or drawing an array, copy and paste this into your profile.
A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl:Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy:No, this is fun.
Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy:Then tell me you love me.
Girl:I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died.
The Stupidest Things On Products
On Tesco's Tiramisudessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowentairon: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On NytolSleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's Peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Wow. That's really helpful)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Awh, that's the whole purpose of buying the costume!)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat."(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how??)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion).
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos!: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (the shoplifter special)?
On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children” (I should bloody well hope so!)
Boeing 757-"Fragile. Do not drop"(That means you, Hulk! Put that bloody aeroplane down, you might drop it!)
Scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Again, I should bloody well hope so!)
Baby Oil-"Keep out reach of children." (Good thing babies aren't children, isn't it!)
Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yeah. My grandmother died because she thought my hair dye was ice-cream topping and put it in a sundae)
Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (OMG!! That's as amazing as a newsreader reading the news!)
Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)
RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." (Did someone do this once...?)
Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (No. Duh. Sherlock)
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.