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If you can't beat 'em, join them.
If you can't join 'em, bribe them.
If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail them.
If you can't blackmail 'em, kill them.
If you can't kill 'em—you're screwed.

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As it so happens I've recently (attempted) to add a section for aspiring writers who are interested in reading about tips and "how to's" when setting up and creating stories (if dubious as to its worth due to its pathetically short length, I will concede that it certainly needs to be worked on, something that should take place some time in the (near?) future. Hopefully. Oh yeah, it'll happen...)

As some one whose attention shifts faster then a person can blink (and who has started more stories then even I am capable of remembering), I mean to provide a place for people like me to get "battle plans" for their quest to complete a story.

Personal Profile

I am, in fact, female, and am commonly referred to (by myself and others) as "white" though specifically I come from a predominately Italian (on my mothers side) and Irish (fathers side) family. There are however quite a few other ethnicities in my background that have been mixed in over the generations for extra awesomeness since, after all, no one nowadays is ever really "one ethnicity".

I am also rather young and live in the States (or should I say the USA?), though of course I am just as likely an aging black man living in Europe somewhere.

Trust is a beautiful thing.

I love to read and write and spend just about ever waking free moment I have doing just that.

I have not-so-recently developed an admittedly unhealthy obsession with anime and mangas, having in the process discovered some things that make my entire face flush red. Yaoi, anyone? hehe…

My profile is, to put it nicely, highly diversified with a rather broad range of subjects covered. Not so nicely put, its random, at times pointless and entirely too reflective of who I am as a person and as a writer—and it all starts with a cat emoticon…

／l

（ﾟ､ ｡ ７

l、 _ヽ

じしf,)ノ

"I wish I broke mirrors instead of promises" (Tidal Waves by Owl City)

(Hilarious) Quotes:

Show me a girl with her feet firmly on the ground and I'll show you a girl who can't take of her pants

There are many paths leading to one road–many cross along the way

There are many things we would throw away if we were not afraid others would pick them up

You can see only as far as your headlights but you can make the whole trip that way

Time is what keeps everything else from happening all at once.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line

We're not lost. We're locationally challenged

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either

Hear no evil. See no evil. Make some evil

Remember what you've said, tomorrow I'll have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated!

I am a fruit-loop in a world full of Cheerios.

You can't wait for inspiration; you have to go after it with a club

Directions to Llama-land: Left at the rainbow, Right at the unicorn. And if you've passed the penguin, you've gone too far.

I have the body of a god... to bad he's Buddha

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for.

Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.

Personalized Alternate Names:

1) Your gangster name:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle) Jacizzle

2) Your detective name: (color and animal) Green Rabbit—Pink Panther was taken, shoot

3) Your star wars name: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name) Alljache hmm...I like it O O

4) Your superhero name: (color, drink) Red Water sounds legitimate

5) Your witness protection name: (mothers middle name) Martha

6) Your goth name: (black, and the name of one your pets) Black Duke

7) Your pirate name: (color, pirate accessory) Fire Engine Red Wood Leg talk about a mouthful V_V

People

are just like

apples on trees.

The best of them are all

Located at the highest point.

There are those who are too afraid

To try and reach for the top of the tree

For fear of suddenly falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they settle for the rotten apples below

That have fallen to the ground and are not as good,

But are safer to reach for. Those at the top think

Something is wrong with them, when in reality

They are really & truly spectacular. They just

Need to wait for the right one to

Come along, the one who's

Brave enough to

Climb all

The way

To the top

Of the tree.

(p.s. I have changed this poem to a gender neutral state as the original spoke of only girls at the top which, while sweet, seemed a wee bit sexist to me)

Heads or tails? Heads: your mine, tails: I'm yours

With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do?

Story Recommendations:

Behind the Silk Screen is an extremely well written back-in-time story about two characters named Inuyasha and Kagome (a large fraction of you have probably never heard of them however, with the way the story is written, knowledge of the original anime series--while encouraged--is not necessary as the story itself is set in an alternate universe)

It's on my favorite's list, I promise you will not regret reading it.

(Don't hesitate to PM me suggestions --especially if its your own story. I promise to read the story you've told me about and, if I find it as amazing as you probably did, pimp it out)

This section is for aspiring writers! I know how difficult it can be to want to create a story and not know how to begin so I will provide links for those with the time and the desire to read them. Any contests I can find will also be posted here. Also, just some good old-fashioned advice.

I will continue to add onto an/or rework this section as time passes, feel free to pm me with any suggestions

How to Write a Novel:

http:///art/snowflake.php (The snowflake method—it will make sense once you read it)

http:///art/scene.php (Same writer as above, only with scene writing)

Contests:

http:///en/sign_up (National Novel Writing Month; write a novel of 50,000 words minimum—it does not have to be a masterpiece—in one month: November)

Ever wonder what those warnings in summaries and first chapters mean? Here is a list (though some are very obvious and just included to provide an all encompassing guide):

Yaoi/Shonen-ai/Slash Writing two male characters, usually not gay in the canon, as gay

Yuri/Shojo-ai/Femmeslash Writing two female characters, usually not gay in the canon, as gay

AU (Alternate Universe) Used if the author takes the characters from the canon and puts them in a different society. This would also include changes to canon, for instance Harry Potter being sorted to a house outside of Gryffindor would be AU

OOC (Out of character) Used if the author intentionally writes a character so that they don't act how they usually do

OC/OFC/OMC (Original character/Own female chracter/ Own Male Character) Used if there's a character created by the author in the fanfic as one of the main characters

Lemon Explicit sexual scenes. PWP for "Porn Without Plot" is also used if this is all the story is (makes me laugh whenever I see it, humans are a great species are we not?)

Lime Non-explicit sexual scenes

Fluff Used if the story has no plot and is just a slice of life or the two characters simply being happy together.

Drabble Used for a short fanfic, usually no more than 500 words

Songfic Used if the story based off the lyrics or music of a song

Torture or rape Also known as Non-Con for Non-Consensual (fairly self-explanatory)

Crackfic Used for a humorous fanfic, usually written out of character or not sticking to the original plot. Used to make the reader laugh, not be taken seriously (there are some really good ones floating around on fanfic so don't entirely discredit lol)

Abuse

POV acronym for Point of View

Political or religious content

Character death May or may not show up on the fanfic (character death is usually meant as a tragic moment and unexpected so warning about it can ruin the story) Sometimes a genre label and rating can be an indicator that death might happen

Racial slurs or foul language People only really warn about this if it is more than average for the fandom. If the characters say damn in canon, they won't warn about if it is written in their fic

Oneshot This refers to a story that is longer than a drabble but will not be continued. Not really a warning, but authors may note so they don't get told to update soon in their reviews (you still can though if you think it might motivate them =D)

Mpreg This is a warning if the story contain Man Pregnant. Like ByaRen, if Byakuya is pregnant people tend to warn about it

This is not an exact science so not all of these warnings will show up even if the story meets the "requirements" This was purely for fun since I now (clueless person that I am) that it took a while for me to figure (the less obvious ones) out

Summaries:

Unless especially pressed for characters try to avoid spelling "mistakes" as they tend to, however incorrectly, lead the reader to suspect the story is poorly written and/or edited

Include a part of your story in the summary. While this will not always be the best option, it is still incredibly effective especially if the quote is a well chosen, dramatic line that is an indicator of both your (incredible) writing skill and the tone of the story. This is hard to do so don't be afraid to continually re-work your summary, especially if the story morphs into something else. Try not to give your readers a headache though.

"I'm really bad at summaries" or "I suck at…so please R&R" is not only off putting and a waste of letters/characters, it can be especially frustrating to see. Summaries are a highly important and essential part of any story as it is what lures a reader in—why would you tarnish it with something as discrediting as "I suck at writing summaries"? DON'T DO IT

Final Advice: At the end of the day writing is something internal, if you really want to write and complete a book (not just kind of want to) you can. Squeeze in half an hour of writing a day and step by step you'll create a novel or short story. Even five minutes will get you closer to your goal of finishing a story. Novelist Toni Morrison put it this way: "if there's a book you really want to read but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." And if doing so takes a year or more to complete, well then, that's okay.

More Quotes (I swear I am creative individual capable of forming my own thoughts, I'm just feeling a wee bit lazy):

If it wasn't for physics and the law I'd be unstoppable.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd roast marsh-mellows and flirt with the firemen.

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.

I'll protect my friends because I know they're worth protecting.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

The past. It's done. It's unchangeable. Move on.

No one is perfect...well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who never will. So don't worry about the people in your past. There is a reason they didn't make it to your future.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest telling us to sit down and shut up.

Life isn't passing me by, its running me over.

Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.

It is not my fault I never learned to accept responsibility

I'm not random, I just have many thou- OH A SQUIRREL!

I'm not afraid of Death. What's he going to do, kill me?

Advice is what we ask for when we already have the answer but wish we didn't.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. (...oh, wait, this is awkward)

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks I call my friends

I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Things You Don't Care About Yet I Will Inform You Of Anyway:

1) It irritates me when people think there is a single, all-encompassing reason that works as the primary motivation behind a life-affecting decision or belief, such as vegetarianism or atheism.

2) I am a vegetarian and an atheist. Go figure. I am also a feminist, a person who believes in equality regardless of a persons male or femaleness, independent of whether or not they are transgender or asexual or anything and everything in between. (A humanist?)

3) My computer is quite possibly a physical extension of my body, I am never detached from it.

4) I am a geek who is capable of watching The Big Bang Theory and quoting along side Sheldon and Leonard (and Raj and Wallowitz) any and all references to Star Trek, Star Wars, The Game of Thrones, The Lord of The Rings, Battlestar Galactica, etc, etc. These shows are my life.

5) There is nothing better then an accent, real or fake. Seriously, everything sounds better. Life is better.

6) I support gay rights fervently and have absolutely no tolerance or respect for homophobes--aptly identified with an illogical fear (or phobia) known as homophobia. If you wish to have a hope of earning my good opinion and your mind differs on this subject then keep. Your. Thoughts. To. Yourself.

7) I am socially liberal. Perhaps even a bit too much.

8) A weird quirk of mine is the newfound belief "tolerance" is a nasty word. I would rather the world was accepting of all its unique people then simply tolerant. Does that make sense?

9) I am a self-proclaimed nerd and it is glorious.

I'm not a book - I can't be read.

I'm not an item. I cannot be bought.
I'm not an outfit. I refuse to be changed.
I'm not a game. I cannot be won.
I'm not an animal. I will not be tamed

I am what I am and that's all I am.

The best things in life are unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry, and dream.

We're all a little weird. And life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up in mutual weirdness and call it love.