Likes: Dreaming/sleeping, chocolate, eating, day-dreaming, no-homework-ing, reading, rock/metal music, action/adventure-related games, good food, smut, red-heads, pizza, Hellsing... I might go on forever, so I'll stop here.
Doesn't Like: broccoli, Neji & Sasuke's 'superiority' beliefs, when Sakura is made a screaming banshee in fics, people who are reading this and getting real pissed for personal reasons, people who are reading this and getting pissed for NO reason at all, having to read out-loud, Twilight series (You're all a disgrace to all vampires!!!), school (To a certain extent. Sometimes it's cool.), homework, characters you can't tell if their a chick or a dude (Haku, Chrona...)...
Age: Probably shouldn't say
DoB: March 30 (Bring lots of presents!)
Name: Not Telling You
Eye color: Dark-brown
Hair color: Black and really curly (Except when short, then it's kinda spiky.)
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile
If you have ever made one of those "copy and paste this into you profile" thingies, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that Sasuke from "Naruto" completely has to have the nick-name 'Chicken/Duck Butt Hair Dude', copy this to your profile while laughing your ass off.
95 percent of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas brothers and Justin Bieber on top of a skyscraper about to jump off. Copy and paste this into your profile if you're the 5 percent that would shout, "Jump assholes!"
If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, Copy & Paste this into your profile.
If you have ever wished that an anime character would come to life, copy and paste this into your profile (Grell, kill my enemies!).
If you believe Itachi has secret laughing fits when no one is watching, copy and paste this in your profile.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. If You Haven't Shot Anyone Yet, Copy And Paste This Onto Your Profile. (Pat yourself on the back while you're at it.)
If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you absolutely LOVE anime, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever left one room to get something from another room, then once you were in the other room, forgot what you were trying to get, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.
If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.
Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this in your profile.
If there are times when you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you think the kids should just give the rabbit some freaking Trix, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that Writer's Block blows, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.
92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their asses off at the others.
Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings! If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile! LONG LIVE PLUTO!
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
Mummy... Johnny brought a gun to school, he told his friends that it was cool,
and when he pulled the trigger back it shot with a great crack!
Mummy I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye, I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another, and all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much, and please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now, and tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best. Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class, and never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy, why'd it have to be me, no one deserves this. Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try, I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest, but mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest.
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack. Mummy listen to me if you would, I wanted to go to college,
I wanted to try things that were new, I guess I'm not going with daddy, on that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress. Mummy I wanted to live.
But mummy I must go now the time is getting late Mummy tell my Chris, I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have, I know you know it's true. Mummy all I wanted to say is "Mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost. Please if you would, pass this around, I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground, if you pass this on, maybe people will cry. Just keep this in heart, for the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
--copy and repost if you care --
( _ )
Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies and nachos. The light has tofu. Nothing more.)
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
RIP We shall remember
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your Kindness will be rewarded.
Things to Do in an Exam you Already Know That You are Going to Fail:
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she/he is not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
9. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
10. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
11. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
12. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
13. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
14. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
15. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
16. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
17. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
18. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
19. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
20. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
21. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
22. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
23. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
24. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
25. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
26. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
27. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
28. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect.
29. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.
30. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
31. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.
32. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
33. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME, PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things
I'm planning on making a list of "50 Things The TV Taught Me". Feel free to PM me and give me a thing the TV has taught you so I may add to the list. I want to get at least 50, but I could always add more. Assuming I get 50 at all. And if people will cooperate at all. This is just for fun, nothing else.
TV Taught me:
1. How to speak.
2. How to curse.
3. If blood comes out, it's painful. Otherwise, why would people scream whenever I saw it?
4. People think physical abuse is hilarious.
5. Only hit a guy in the groin when you are really mad, it looks like it hurts like hell.
6. No matter how much you run, the zombies will always catch up.
7. Ceiling fans can slice you to pieces.
8. The future has very little hope.
9. There are no stupid questions. Only stupid people willing to try answering.
10. If Kenpachi Zaraki ever unleashes his bankai, we are fucked! No chance of retaliation, no chance of a second humanity, the world will simply be... actually, even all that is fucked will be fucked straight to hell. Hell itself will be fucked! Heck, heaven itself will be fucked beyond anything imaginable. Yeah, really scary.
11. The biggest badass in a show is rarely the leader.
12. You only live once. Unless you're Kenny.
13. Look underneath the undeneath. Under the skirt there are panties. And under that...
14. Once 'Friendzoned', you have no hope.
15. Fire can exist underwater.
16. Somehow, everything we eat/do/see/don't do/don't eat/don't see is slowly killing us. Nothing is safe!
17. The Bad guy's ass is always kicked in the end (from NathanDrake679)
18. Life in TV is freaking amazing (from NathanDrake679)
Your One and Only Wish
Do it one by one, don't look ahead!
1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, and green.
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California of Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or ocean more?
10. Write down a wish (a realistic one.)
Are you done?
If so, scroll down
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red: You are alert and you life is full of love.
Black: You are conservative and aggressive.
Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue: you are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the one you love.
Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
3. If you're initial is:
A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and you love life is soon to blossom
S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
4. If You were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will for very well for you and you will discover the you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
Apr-June: you will have a strong love relationship that will no long but the memories will last forever
July-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.
5. If you choose...
Black: your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you and you will be glad for the change.
white: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.
8. If you choose...
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.
9. If you choose...
Lake: You are loyal to you friends and you love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
10. This wish will come true only if you Re-post this bulletin in one hours and it will come true before your next birthday
(I wished for world domination, and I'm now I'm waiting! DOESN'T WORK!)
1: Is it an animal? No. But it still need to be approached with caution.
2: Is it a mineral? No.
3: Is it a vegetable? Yes.
4: Is it smart? No.
5: Is it bigger than a breadbox? Sometimes.
6: Is it found in the forest? Yes.
7: Is it Furyfur? Definitely not. Nor is it M or any other friend that hates it.
8: Is it awesome? Never.
9: Is it hard to find? No.
10: Does it have purple hair? No, they usually have unnatural red hair.
11: Is it a hobo? Yes but no.
12: Are they dipheads? Oh yes.
13: Do they have bad taste? Yes.
14: Is it obvious that they've never read/watched anything good in their life? Yes.
15: Are they aware of how clueless they are? No.
16: Do other people know that they're looking at idiots when they walk by? No, because they're usually camouflaged, unless it's on their t-shirts.
17: Do they notice really obvious mistakes? No.
18: Will they ever get boyfriends/girlfriends? Boyfriends, no. Girlfriends, possibly but obviously they're not interested.
19: Do they think that all hot guys sparkle, they just use a lot of sunscreen so you can't see it during the day? I wouldn't know.
20: Is your word "Twilight fans?" Correctamundo!
--Copy and paste above on your profile if you hate Twilight fans.
20 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks write, "for smuggling diamonds."
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuations.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is, "To go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme?
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream, "I won!, I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity... copy and paste this into your profile!
You know you live in 2008 when:
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don’t have a screen name or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to your friends
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5, only to see that there is indeed no number 5
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly
12.) Copy and paste this into your profile if you fell for it, you know you did!
FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
REAL FRIENDS: Will repost
I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."
A poem about Child Abuse
My name is Lucifer I am three,
My eyes are swollen, I cannot see,
I must be stupid, I must be bad,
What else could have made my daddy so mad?
I wish I were better, I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy would still want to hug me.
I can’t do a wrong, I can’t speak at all
Or else im locked up all day long.
When I'm awake, I'm all alone
The house is dark, my folks aren’t home
When my mommy does come home, I'll try and be nice,
So maybe ill just get one whipping tonight.
I just heard a car
My daddy is back from Charlie’s bar.
I hear him curse my name is called
I press myself against the wall
I try to hide from his evil eyes
I’m so afraid now, I’m starting to cry
He finds me weeping, calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault he suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me, and yells at me more,
I finally get free and run to the door
He’s already locked it and i start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me against the hard wall
I fall to the floor with my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues with more bad words spoken,
"I’m sorry!", I scream, but its now much to late
His face has been twisted into a unimaginable shape
The hurt and the pain again and again
O please God, have mercy! O please let it end!
And he finally stops, and heads for the door
While i lay there motionless, brawled on the floor
My name is Lucifer, I am three,
Tonight my daddy murdered me
Now i roam the underworld, to help those in need.
I may seem evil, but i'm not.
And if you read this and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness
Because you would have to be one heartless person
To not be effected by this Poem
And because you are effected,
Do something about it! So all i ask you to do
Is pass this on! IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE
- Scissor Twilight in Regular MLP World -
Be on the internet long enough and you find the dark things that people make from children's shows. While not a hard-core fan of MLP (My Litttle Pony), I'd like someone to make a fic that shows Twilight Sparkle accidentally summoning Scissor Twilight. Either from an alternate dimension, or someone in the same dimension making some sort of clone and basically replacing its hind-legs with the blades. After which, Twilight and the others have to either stop her from accidentally hurting people, or kill her. Why would anyone want to make a Twilight clone? Well, who knows. Maybe they assumed that the Element of Magic will respond to Twilight and figured that it didn't have to be the original for it to work. When it happens doesn't matter, but after the Changeling invasion is preferable.
Please PM me if you wish to take on the challenge.
- Asari Otaku -
So, aside from prothean studies, Liara Tsoni sometimes passes her time by reading manga and watching anime when there's no headway in her prothean excavations. She'll still be a prothean expert, but now she'll run around the ship, giving ridiculous speeches involving metaphors and similes that barely make sense, call people either '-chan', '-tan', '-kun', '-senpai', or even '-sama'. Along the way, she'll have hilarious delusions of the main characters being part of her (nonexistent) harem. She will try to make them all happy by offering food or hugs, and talk out loud to herself. This will result in the crew being wary of her at best, and outright run form her at worst. She'll also name and shout out her attacks, believing that the power behind it will double (or tripple if she's frustrated enough. Power of belief and such). Lastly, she has to have delusions of the harem. This is nonnegotiable. It'll make things so damn hilarious, it's almost guaranteed to bring in a few hundred laughs. Please?
Contact me when you take up the challenge.