ALL FOR SMUT, AND SMUT FOR ALL!!!!!!
Real Name: Kris
Nickname: Axel or Zander (Which ever one of the two my friends feel like calling me)
Age: Not Tellin Bitchz!
Sex: Yes please but seriously last I checked I still had the USS M'Dick.
State: In The State Of You Don,t Fuckin Need To Know
Favorite Anime/Manga: Zoids, Naruto, One Piece, Bleach, Fairy Tail, Eyeshield 21, 1/2 Prince, Rosario Vampire, Karate Shoukoushi Kohinata Minoru, Gundam Build Fighters, Gundam Unicorn, BeyBlades BeyBlades V Force, BeyBlades G-Revolution and many more that i cant list at the moment.
Favorite Comics: Grim Tales: From Down Below.
Link to First Chapter of Grim Tales: http:///?comic_id=0
Favorite Games: KINGDOM HEARTS SERIES MY FUCKING FAVORITE!!!!, Batman Arkham City, Mass Effect Trilogy, Devil May Cry Series, Pokemon (All except the Mystery Dungeons And Rangers), Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm Series (The PS3 ones), Bleach: Soul Resurreccion, Halo (All but The Map Wars and ODST), Aliens Colonial Marine, Jak and Daxter Series, and many many more.
Favorite Cartoons: Justice League and Unlimited (What episodes I've seen of both), Ben 10 (What episodes ive seen), and many others.
Favorite TV Shows: Power Ranger(all the Seasons except for the ones after Jungle Fury), Kamen Rider(Heisei Era with Favorites Being Decade, Kiva, OOO and W), and many many more
Favorite YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lchg2dGUbO0
Abandoned Stories/Stories Up for Adoption
Naruto Fury Zero: The reason it is abandoned is due to a lose of muse.
Naruto The Animorph: Same reason as Naruto Fury Zero I've lost my muse for it and the idea just couldn't take hold in my mind.
"You can do what you want with my music, but don't make me boring." -Freddie Mercury, 1987
"Everything in life has a reason and those reasons Fucking Suck!"-my younger brother
"Life is a bitch get over it ya hippie"-me
"People say the line between good and evil is clear I say Bullshit there is no Fucking Line!"-me
"People say watch out for the quiet people cause there dangerous i say fuck that everyone's dangerous"-me
"People say goths are crazy I say everyone is crazy in there own right"-me
"People say laughter is a good cure I say my Shotty is the best cure for everything"-me
"People say music soothes the soul I say y'all just a bunch ah hippies"-me
"Its all fun and games until someone gets hurt then its just fucking Hilarious"-me
"People say being normal is fun I say fuck that being crazy is better"-me
"Hell hath no fury like that of a women scorned I say fuck that hell hath no fury like that of a women pmsing"-me
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." -Albert Einstein
"The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." -Confuscious
"Love is only an age. The law is there to stop you from doing stupid things, but sometimes the law is only a boundary, not a rule." -Unknown
"There are only two things that are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, though I'm not sure about the universe." -Albert Einstein
"When the war of the beasts brings about the world's end
The goddess descends from the sky
Wings of light and dark spread afar
She guides us to bliss, her gift everlasting" - Loveless
"Lets kick the tires and light the fires" - Independence Day
"Your gonna need a bigger boat" - Jaws
"When in doubt, C4." - Jaime Hyneman, Mythbusters
"I reject your reality, and substitute my own." - Adam Savage, Mythbusters
"At least I have chicken." - Leeroy Jenkins, World of Warcraft
"Say hello to my little friend!" - Tony Montana
"It's a trap!" - Admiral Akbar, Star Wars
"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky creatures, and you know it." - Kay, Men in Black
"It's the honest people you have to watch out for, because you can never tell when they're about to do something incredibly...stupid." - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
"History is written by the victors" - CoD
"All you need to be a hero is a good lie and a river of blood" - CoD
"Fate is Fickle, Destiny is Insane, and Karma is a Bitch. Shut up and get to work." - Itachi Uchiha, from the fanfic Aria of the Moonless Night by Hector Enix
"Close only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades." - Unknown
"Things can't possibly get worse." - World's stupidest thing to say in a bad situation
"Its not overkill, its making damn sure." - Unknown
"Is it finally dead?" "That depends on what you mean by dead. Dead as in you killed it or dead as in its gonna actually stay dead." - Unknown
"I could never be a racist; stupidity knows no bounds, weather it be race, religion, or border." - Tigee86
"If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit!" - A bumper sticker
"As a very wise man once said, there's no such thing as 'overkill,' only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'" -The Nighthawk Chronicles, by fanfic author Cyclone
"Genius is not having one good idea; even a pack of monkeys with typewriters eventually comes up with something! No, genius is having a portfolio of good ideas and being able to use them." - Chris Reynolds
"I can picture in my mind's eye a world without war, a world without hate, and I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it"- Jack Handy
"You're my brother. I love you and I'll post your bail, but you're the one who's going to have to explain this one to mom." - Tigee86
"The question isn't why is he running; the real question is, should you?" - Unknown
"All you need in war is a gun and a shit load of bullets and grenades" - Me
"Beer $7 Jell-o Shots $10 Margarita $15 Taking home the girl who drank all of the above priceless" - T-Shirt
"Abandon your fear. Look forward. Move forward and never stop. You'll age if you pull back. You'll die if you hesitate." - Zangetsu
"They say it's easy to see the line between Good and Evil... They say it should be perfectly clear... The problem isn't in the line, it's in the person looking at it. How do two people perceive Good and Evil... In the same way? No... They see what they believe... As such, there is no Good, nor Evil in the world... Only an endless shade of gray" - 26-Lord-Pain
"If you have a dream, don't wait - act. One of life's little rules. Got it memorized?" - Axel Kingdom Hearts II
"A scattered dream that's like a far-off memory... A far-off memory that's like a scattered dream... I want to line the pieces up... Yours and Mine" - Sora Kingdom Hearts II
"Might controls everything and without strength, you can't protect anything...let alone yourself." - Vergil Sparda, Devil May Cry 3
"If you're not cheating you're not trying!" - Naruto from Shinobi of the High Seas by Kenchi618
"Legend Of Razgriz: When history witnesses a great change, Razgriz reveals itself, first as a dark demon. As a demon it uses its power to rain death upon the land, and then it dies. However after a period of brief slumber, Razgriz returns, this time as a great hero." - Ace Combat 5: The Unsung War
"Dear humanity we regret being alien bastards, we regret coming to earth, and we most definitely regret that the corps just blew up our raggedy ass fleet."- SgtMaj. Johnson Outskirts Halo 2
"Whoa i should make a postcard, Dear Sarge, kicking ass in outer space wish you were here."- ODST, Halo 2 Delta Halo
"Check your targets watch the crossfire. They're in standard formation, little bastards up front big ones in back good luck Cairo."- Malta crewman, Halo 2
"Time to Nut Up or Shut Up." - Tallahassee- ZombieLand
"Never make assumptions. They come back to bite you in the ass." - Vanex
"I see your heart, one that would let anyone in, no matter if they be human or demon, male or female, you care for all equally. I love you for the heart that calls out to me, reaching to mine that now lies in the eternal darkness of pain and suffering. My heart answers yours, two pieces of a lost puzzle finally being put together." - Fem.Haku - From Dragoon of the Golden Heart - By Dragon of Time
"I love you as you love me, for I hear it in your heart." - Tsunami - From Dragoon of the Golden Heart - By Dragon of Time
"Dragon's, make a mean…fired giant chicken." - Kiba -From Dragoon of the Golden Heart- By Dragon of Time
"I vote for the threesome!" - By cmcwiki
"Shall I give you despair?" - Sephiroth Advent Children
" My luck is like a hyperactive squirrel on many many drugs. It's more likely to viciously maul you than it is to help." -Harry Potter - From The Sorting Hat's Stand -By Landstradd
"Old age and Treachery will overcome youth and skill" - From Naruto of the Nine Tails - By EDelta88
"Worst. Throw. Ever...Of all time" - Agent Washington Red vs. Blue
"I don't need luck, I have Ammo" - Grunt Mass Effect 3
"Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patrick’s Day. Green and/or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter." - Man Law #111.
"Though I walk through the Shadow of the Valley of Death I will fear no evil, fore I am the Baddest motherfucker in the Valley." -JMD-009's fanfic - 'Divided We Stand'
"Smile at your enemies; it makes them paranoid." -Unknown
"Its not Paranoia its making sure i stay alive" -Me
"Never hit a gift horse in the mouth unless that gift horse is cursed with nothing but bad juju than smack it one good one" - Me
"That is some bad juju" -Tak and the Power of Juju
"Bad Day! Bad Day! Bad Dayyyyyyyy!" - Jackie Chan from The Jackie Chan Adventures
"Take your balls out of your purse and kick some ass" - Jack Mass Effect 3
“ We've come to say hello. So why don’t you come down and dance, You big beautiful Bitch!” – Arachnoquake
"That trash is beneath me, and besides you should never argue with idiots, they'll just drag you to their level and beat you with experience." - Ulquiorra to Ron after a confrontation with Draco Malfoy from Shadow's Embrace, by Flames of Nocturne
"I'm just thinking that ever since you were bisected reality seems to have decided to say 'screw normality, it's time for a change'" - Kakashi to Naruto in Rebirth Through Death by Fenris187
"So I'm not allowed at the table anymore? That's called being prejudiced, you sir are a racist treating us corpses like that!" - Naruto to Kakashi in Rebirth Through Death by Fenris187
"A dick? No I'm not a dick, I just hate everyone." - Unknown
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss
"Opinions are like assholes everyone's got one." - Unknown
"A brave man knows when to stand and fight... But a smart man knows when to run like a little bitch!" - Unknown
"Don't Move! I'll go get Help!" - Dumbest thing to say to someone turned to stone, Unknown
"Mister Piccelo what have we missed?" "Well your father is currently hand the Pillsbury DoughBot its generous white ass." - Gohan and Piccelo from DBZ Abridged
"And the prodigal asshole returns" - Piccelo from DBZ Abridged.
"Seriously! What the Fuck! Is Namek!" - Dr. Gero after Vegeta goes Super Saiyan, DBZ Abridged
"History is much like an endless waltz in three/four time. The three beats of war, peace, and revolution seem to continue on for eternity." - Heero Yuy Gundam Wing: Journey to a New Battlefield. By operation meteor of Fanfiction.net
"Your where about as helpful as a Orgy of Rabbits on Viagra" - Me to my younger brother when we get into trouble and he doesn't bother helping me out.
"I love Booze. Booze loves me. Holy Shit I have to pee. I'm so smashed I'm falling on the floor. Alcoholic Dinosaur." - Alcoholic parody of the Barney Theme Song.
"Ginyu! Hurry up double time. Zarbon really screwed the pouch on this one!""Lord Frieza! Vegeta's really giving us a pounding!""I'm Coming Zarbon! Quick Grab My Balls!" - DBZ Abridged, Frieza and Zarbon over the phone with the Ginyu Force after Vegeta escapes.
"He should kill first, kill again for good measure, and not bother asking questions later." -What Naruto told Temari he informed Gaara to do should he meet a Akatsuki member- from Council's Folly by, Aggammenonn.
"When theirs no more room in Hell. Vegeta shall walk the... Other Hell!? What the Hell!?" - Vegeta after getting revived on Namek - from DBZ Abridged.
The Situation in Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."
ONLY IN AMERICA
1. Only in America ...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America ...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America ...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
11. Only in America ...do we read this and think its funny before adding on to it.
12. Only in America ...do we have fifth graders who are smarter then most adults.
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile
Stupid Racist People...
A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me colored"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!
you say Hanna Montana i say AEROSMITH
you say Jonas brothers i say AC/DC
you say Rihanna i say TWISTED SISTER
you say Taylor Swift i say GUNS N ROSES
you say Justin Bieber i say FUCK YOU
95% of all teens today listen to that crappy pop music if you are one of the 5% that still listen to real music copy this to your profile
Profiles on- Storylover213
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE:
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Things I learn from my mother:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
2. My mother taught me RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
4. My mother taught me LOGIC
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me WEATHER
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me: ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
19. My mother taught me: ESP
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me: HUMOR
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22.My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."
23. My Mother taught me about my Roots
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My Mother taught me Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. My mother taught me about Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME, PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
Re-post this if you laughed...Or are planning to do any of these things
King Ceasar- http:///art/Godzilla-Neo-KING-CAESAR-96962591
King Ghidorah- http:///art/Godzilla-Neo-KING-GHIDORAH-96967189
Songs to listen to for fighting scenes in my stories
http:///art/MY-Orginoad-167434453 Syax's link
http:///shop/goods_img/k-zoids-GenoSaurer_102.jpg Striker Before evolving
http:///wiki/Berserk_Fury Striker After evolving
Bad-Ass-Ness to Beat All Bad-Ass-Ness - http:///image/naruto/wallflower_ninja/naruto/akatsuki/Uchiha_Itachi_Hideout_by_TomasLac.jpg
If you're convinced Sasuke is gay and emo, copy and paste this into your profile
Zahahahaha! Rage! RAGE ON BLACK KNIGHT!
PM me if you wish to take up these Challenges so we can sort out the finer details.
Lemons Are Optional For These Fics
No Yaoi For My Challenge's Period
Yuri is Allowed Every Once and While if Reasons For it are Given
Naruto Fic Challenge
Well my challenge is for a Puppet user Naruto. Who learned the art of puppetry either from Sasori himself, or scroll that Sasori left behind. This fic would follow the Naruto cannon, with whatever changes you wanted to make to the cannon. Also this is a Smart and Strong but not Godlike Naruto, as well as a Dark but not Evil or Emo Naruto. There will also be Sasuke and Sakura Bashing, as well as Bashing of the Civilian Counsel. The pairing for Naruto is a Harem of four to eight girls with two of the girls in Naruto's Harem must be Temari and Hana the rest are up to you. So is this good enough for you.
Naruto/Rosario Vampire Crossover Challenge.
Now then the Naruto/Rosario Vampire Crossover is for a Immortal Naruto who is a Vampire/Ghoul Hybrid he has all the strengths of a Vampire and none of there Weaknesses so he isn't affected by water like a vampire and he isn't a unstoppable mindless killing Machine like a Ghoul also there is no Tsukune in the crossover because Naruto is taking his place also the pairing for Naruto is a Harem of four or more girls with two of those girls having to be Moka and Shizuka also Naruto's monster form when he takes of his rosary is like that of Tsukune's from the manga when he has Toho Fuhai inject him with 109 needles to gain more power to fight Fairy Tail but unlike Tsukune Naruto already has this form unlocked and can control it but he is from the start just as strong as Moka in that form having not had it for long as he used to be a Immortal human only being turned a Vampire/Ghoul Hybrid a year ago so as the story goes along Naruto will train to get stronger having lost his ability to use Chakra and Jutsu after becoming a Vampire/Ghoul Hybrid also it fallows the Rosario Manga cannon but with whatever changes to cannon you want to make its a Smart and Strong but not Godlike Naruto so that pretty much it does this sound good to you?
Naruto/Dragon Ball Z Crossover Challenge
Well then my Naruto/DBZ challenge is for Naruto as a full blooded saiyan who some way or another Makes it to earth and joins Goku and the Z-warrior from the beginning of the saiyan saga to either the last episode of either the Buu Saga or Dragon Ball GT with all the DBZ movies added in as well also this will be a Smart and Strong Naruto who is almost equal in strength to Goku also no Godlike Goku or Naruto the pairing if your willing to do it is either Naruto/Bulma/18/OC, or Naruto/Bulma/Fem.Kyuubi/OC the OC is a female full blooded saiyan who Naruto found on his journey to earth and if you cant do that pairing then make it Naruto/Bulma because i rarely see the pairing and it would be cool for him to be Trunks father also if you can make it so that Naruto goes to Earth after the Fourth Great Shinobi War and is around 19 to 22 years old when you start the Saiyan Saga also make it so that on his journey to earth he learned how to stay in control of his Great Ape form like Vegeta can so that way he can keep his tail and just like Vegeta and Nappa grabbing his tail does not paralyze him. Is this good enough detail for you?
Naruto/Bleach Crossover Challenge
My Naruto/Bleach Challenge takes place in the Naruto world, with Naruto having a bloodline that allows him to transform into either Ichigo's Hollow Form and Berserk Hollow Form, or Grimmjow's Resurreccion form. All without Naruto having the Hollow Holes). The fic fallows the Naruto Cannon from the beginning with whatever changes you wish to make along with the Naruto movies Naruto must unlock his bloodline during the Scroll Incident when he's Fighting Mizuki. You must add Bleach Characters to the Naruto world except for Ulquiorra, Ichigo, and Grimmjow, the reason those three cannot be added to the Naruto world is because one of their Hollow forms will become Naruto's bloodline Transformation. This is a Smart and Strong but not Godlike Naruto, with the pairing being a Harem for Naruto with 4 or more girls allowed in the harem but three girls in Naruto's harem Must Be Samui, Koyuki, and Halibel. I hope this is good enough for you to work with.
Naruto Fic with Slight Bleach Crossover to it Challenge
Well my idea is for a Naruto Fic with a slight Bleach crossover to it. Meaning that Naruto will have either a Shinigami or Arrancar Zanpaktou to wield, and there will be some Bleach characters added to the fic the Bleach characters are of your choice on who to add. Anyway the Zanpaktou Naruto can wield is a choice of either Byakuya's Senbonzakura , Gin's Shinso, Grimmjow's Pantera, and Ulquiorra's Murcielago along with the Segunda Etapa form. It would follow the Naruto cannon from start to finish with whatever changes you wish to make to the cannon, and bashing of whoever you want. Also the pairing for Naruto is a Harem of four girls with two from the Naruto World and two from the Bleach World also no Sakura, or Ino for Naruto's Harem, and one girl in Naruto's Harem must be either Female Gaara, or Female Sasuke. So then is this good enough for you and also you have Free Rein over the Fic
Kamen Rider/Rosario Vampire Crossover Challenge
My challenge is for a Kamen Rider/Rosario Vampire crossover with Tsukune being a Greeed who's Core Medals Color and Animal are up to you. It would follow the Rosario Manga from the beginning, to whenever you felt like stopping it. Also it would be a Strong and Backbone Tsukune, Tsukune would Transform into his Greeed Form during the battle with Kuyou. I will provide you with Tsukune's Greeed Form so you dont have to worry about it and no it won't be Eiji's, or Dr. Maki's Greeed Forms. Also Tsukune will be different from other Greeed instead of almost losing his sense's they will be enhanced beyond human capabilities, there can be other Greeed if you wish but there against Tsukune. The pairing for Tsukune is a Harem of however many girls you want him to have, but two girls have to be Moka and Mizore. Does this sound good to you.
Kamen Rider Fic Challenge
Well my idea is for either a Kamen Rider Kiva or Kamen Rider OOO fic involving OC's. For Kiva it would be a OC who is Wataru and Taiga's third brother and Wataru's Twin, but unlike Wataru who took more after their Human Father Otoya, and the OC who takes more after their Fangire Mother Maya and has even gained access to his Fangire Form(what the OC Fangire Form Looks Like i Leave up to You). It would follow the Kamen Rider Kiva plot line but with whatever changes you felt like making to it, as well as the OC and Wataru sharing the main character role but the OC becomes King instead of Wataru the pairing is whatever you want it to be as long as there is no yaoi. For OOO its a OC who take Eiji's place as Kamen Rider OOO. You would go threw the whole Kamen Rider OOO series with whatever changes you wish to make to the plot, and also Unlike Eiji the OC will gain Control of his Greeed form and the Purple Medal Combo also the pairing if you can is OC/Mezool (turn her Good). Thats it good enough for you.
Bleach Fic Challenge
Well the Challenge is for a Ichigo with a OC Zanpaktou instead of Zangetsu. The OC Zanpaktou can be something you make, or it can be based off of Greed from FMA. It would start at the Rescue Rukia Arc during Shattered Shaft, and continue on till the end of the Arrancar Wars and go further if you wish with whatever changes you wish to make to the cannon. Ichigo must at some point learn how to control his Inner Hollow earlier than he did in the Manga, and also learn how to control both of his berserk Hollow Forms. Also the pairing is a choice of Ichigo/Halibel, Ichigo/Yoruichi, or Ichigo/Four Girl Harem. So thats it does this sound good enough to you.
Star Wars Fic Challenge
My Challenge well it would fallow the movies and Clone Wars Cartoon series but with a twist. The twist is an OC from our world somehow gets sent from our world to the Star Wars Universe and tries to change what happened how the OC gets there is up to you, or the OC is born in the Star Wars Universe and was trained by the Force Ghost of Revan. Also the OC would be as powerful or maybe more so then Anakin, also you can change around the events after the first movie to however you want also the OC if you choose for him to be from our world appears a month before the first movie starts and becomes Padme's adviser, or if he is from the Star Wars Universe lives one Naboo after completing his training with Revan's Force Ghost and is a close friend of Padme's. Also the OC must be a Grey Force User who follows his own code neither the Jedi or Sith's Codes, and the pairing for the Fic can be either OC/Padme OC/Ahsoka or OC/Shaak Ti. Does all of this sound good to you.
Dragon Ball Z Fic Challenge
My idea is for a OC Saiyan to be put into the DBZ story line the OC would be around 19 to 22 years old and the story would fallow the DBZ cannon from the Saiyan Saga all the way to the end of the Buu Saga, you would also include the DBZ movies and also enter the GT Sagas if you wished. Anyway the OC saiyan is male and would be weaker Goku but stronger then Vegeta also its a Smart and Strong OC but not Godlike. The pairing for this fic can be either OC/Bulma (the reason for this i always had an interest in a Trunks who's father was someone else other than Vegeta), OC/18 or OC/OC Saiyan Female. Does this sound good to you?
Digimon Fic Challenge
My challenge is for a Digimon Fic it takes place in the First and Second seasons of Digimon and starts from the beginning of the Dark Masters Saga of the first season all the way to the end of the second this fic involves a OC added to the story line also it has a little of Frontier added to it as the OC is the Ninth Digi-destined but instead of having a digimon partner like the other he has a D-Tector but instead of legendary warrior spirits he gets a two digimon and there evolution lines as his spirit evolution so that means he can spirit evolve into a rookie champion ultimate and mega also add the three digimon movies the happened during those two seasons which are War Games Hurricane Touchdown and Diaboromon Strikes Back also if you can can you Make the pairing either OC/Mimi, OC/Kari, or OC/Sora and if you need help picking out the two rookie's for his spirit evolution i can help.
Transformers Beast Wars Fic Challenge
Well my idea for the Beast Wars Fic is a OC from Earth, gets transported to the Beast Wars world and turned into a protoform in a stasis pod and is found by the preds first. The reason he stays with the preds is he lost his memories while in stasis, then later on after regaining his memories ditches the preds and joins the Maximals team. Also it would follow the whole Beast Wars cannon with whatever changes you want to the cannon. The OC's beast form being either a King Cobra or Spinosaurus who later becomes a transmetal and transmetal 2 also pulling a Megatron and gaining a Dragon Beast mode, Also you can add in OC preds and Maximals as well i will help you with that if you want also. Also if you can give the OC a pairing make it either OC/OCFemme or OC/Blackarachnia sound good to you.
Transformers Prime Fic Challenge
Well my Challenge is for a Transformers Prime Fic with OC from the Prime world who has been a long time Friend of Jack and is with him from the start of the Prime series. But while they were captured the first time by the Con's the OC was given to Shockwave and experimented, on during the experiments Shockwave made a mistake and somehow turned the OC into a either Cybertronian Triple Changer, Who has Flying and Ground based Alt Mode but the kicker is the Ground Based Alt Mode is Animal Based, or a Mech with Animal Based Ground Alt Mode. Anyway during those experiments the OC loses his memories and joins up with the Con's for a while, until he recovers his memory in which case after he regains them he defects from the Con's and joins the Autobots, or never regains his memories and likes the con life style so he stays with the Con's. After this it follows the Prime storyline with whatever changes you wish to make to the story line, and you can add any Autobot or Decepticon you wish to the Prime storyline this all starts in Season One. The pairing for the fic is OC/Arcee, OC/Airachind, or OC/OCFemme. Does this sound good enough to you?
Kim Possible Fic Challenge
Well its for Kim Possible Fic with a Ron/Shego pairing, and also a Villain Ron. The reason he's a villain is he had another accident with Attitude Nator, but it didn't turn him into Zorpox this time but a new evil personality called Venjix. Who's goal is to rule the world, and goes about doing so with both brains and brawn. With the help of Shego who he recruits to help him, they will later on hook up and can either succeed and rule the world, or almost succeed but fail and fake their deaths so that they can live together in peace your choice.
Yugioh/Yugioh GX Fic Challenge
Well my challenge is for either a Yugioh or Yugioh GX fic with a OC added to the storyline to spice things up if you choice Yugioh then its Starts from the Battle City Tournament onwards with the OC joining Yugi and the gang if you do the GX fic then its from the beginning to the End with the OC also three things one, the OC must be the adopted son of Pegasus for either the Yugioh or GX fic and either 17 or 21 years old, two, the OC must have two deck he changes between for each duel i will provide the decks for you, and three there must be a pairing for the OC for the Yugioh fic it can either be OC/Ishizu OC/Mai or OC/Tea for the GX fic its either OC/Alexis OC/Jasmine or OC/Mindy. also if you do the GX fic the OC must get into Ra Yellow after his entrance duel then be promoted to Obelisk Blue by promotion duel later on sound good to you.
Zoids Fic Challenge
My Challenge is for a Zoids fic takes Place in the New Century Zero timeline from start to finish. It involves a OC who between 18 to 25 years old and is Bit Cloud's best friend and Partner, who travels around with him looking for part so they can both build their dream Zoids so they can become the best team ever. As stated before it follows the New Century Zero timeline with whatever changes you wish to make to it, the OC joins the Blitz Team like Bit did in the show so that they're not separated. The OC like Bit will get a Ultimate X Zoid, the OC's Ultimate X Zoid is either the Berserk Fury, Geno Breaker, Dark Spiner, or Gairyuki, The Pairing for the fic is Bit/Leena and either OC/Naomi, OC/Chris Tasker, OC/Kelly Tasker, or OC/Chris/Kelly. Thats all there is to it hope its good enough for you.
Pokemon Fic Challenge
My Challenge is for a Pokemon story that follows any of the Pokemon games storylines not the TV show. The main character for the fic is a male OC(Original Character) Trainer, and the OC is a all Seven Eevee Evolutions Specialist. Also the OC is able to carry up to seven Pokemon instead of six how this is done is up to you. The pairing is OC/Pokemon Harem of all seven female Eevee Evolutions who are his mates. Sound good enough for you? (There must be Lemons/Smut in this story.)
Mass Effect Fic Challenge
Well my idea is for a OC from the ME Universe who was experimented on by Cerberus to be added to the plot. Either during ME1 or the two year break Between ME1 and 2. If you choose to go with ME1 then Shepard recruits him after freeing him from a Cerberus base he was raiding, the experiments done to the OC were to make him a Biotic capable of matching a Asari Justicar. They did this by infusing the OC with the DNA they acquired from a Asari Matriarch they assassinated, the experiment went better than they hoped for but there were some side effects they didn't t expect that happened to the OC. The side effects are he can now use his biotics without an AMP just like the Asari, his skin now has a blue tint to it, and he has gained a life span like that of an Asari meaning he will live just as long as them unless, he either dies from battle or natural causes. The pairing for this one is either OC/Liara, OC/Samara, or OC/Aria other the these things it would follow the ME story line with whatever changes you wish to make. Now then for the one that takes place during the two year break between ME1 and 2 it takes place a year before ME2 starts. With the OC escaping the Cerberus lab that he was being experimented in the experiment in the lab performed on him were to make human super soldiers. Who has the strength and regenerative abilities of a Krogan, to do this they infused the DNA of a Krogan into the OC in hopes of him gaining those two attributes. Which he did but the experiment was a failure because besides gaining the Strength and Regenerative Ability, he also gained red slitted eyes like a Krogan and the Krogan blood rage as well. Which he cannot in any way, shape, or form control. When he enters a blood rage he turns into a rampaging killing machine. Anyway after he escapes he goes into hiding to learn how to control himself when he enters a blood rage, and after learning how to. The OC becomes a merc in the Terminus System running protection jobs until he gets recruited by Shepard, the pairing for the OC is either OC/Jack, OC/Kasumi, OC/Tali, or OC Miranda also it will follow the ME2 and 3 plot with whatever changes you feel like making to it. I hope this is good enough for you.
Power Rangers Fic Challenge
Well my Challenge is for a Power Rangers Fic with a OC it starts From the beginning of the MMPR Movie. With the OC being Tommy Oliver's younger brother (the OC is two years younger than Tommy), or the OC is Tommy Oliver's Cousin younger then him by Two Years, and the Silver Snake Ranger who then after getting his Ninjette powers becomes the Silver Dragon Ranger. After the movie it will follow the rest of the MMPR series but without the Ninjor Episode. They get there Ninjette powers in the movie. Anyway after the MMPR it will go into Zeo where the OC will either stay the Silver Ranger, or become whatever color you wish, and you can skip around in Zeo if you wish to. Then when you get into Turbo you will follow the Power Rangers Turbo Movie. The OC will becoming the Silver Ranger again in the Turbo Movie if you made him a different color in Zeo. After the Turbo Movie it would follow the Turbo season after you finish the Turbo season you can either continue the story however you want, or stop it at the end of Turbo. Also the Pairing for this is what ever you wish but the pairing for the OC is either OC/Kat, or OC/Cassie. So i hope this is enough details for you and that you like the challenge and are willing to accept it.
Princess Mononoke Fic Challenge
my idea for the Princess Mononoke Fic is to have a OC character from our time who lived in Tokyo, Japan but there Never was a Princess Mononoke movie but a legend that told of Princess Mononoke and her partner called the Supirittokingu or Spirit King in english what happens is the OC live in a Shrine that surrounds and protects a Ancient Tree from the Time of the Supirittokingu and Mononoke called the Supirittokingusuri or Spirit Kings Tree in English the OC and his family live at the shrine the OC will have a Kagome from Inuyasha Moment but instead of falling down a Well into the Feudal Era like Kagome the OC finds a Hidden Cavern under the roots of the tree and a shinning crystal on a alter having an unknown urge to touch the crystal does so activating it and sending him back in time to the Era of the Spirit's and Princess Mononoke and wakes up in the Forest surrounding Ashitaka's Village after that he will head towards the village not knowing were he is and look for answers there but he gets to the village as the demon boar attack and saves the village instead of Ashitaka taking his place as the main character of Princess Mononoke after that it will follow the plot of the movie with whatever changes you wish to make also the infection that the OC gets from the Boar Demon instead of killing him slowly turns him into a half demon and the OC will struggle to control the powers he is gaining like i said it would then follow the movie with whatever changes you wish to make to the plot also the OC will be paired up with San for the fic anyway after you finish the Movie the OC will become the new Spirit of the Forest to replace the one who has been killed and you can continue it after the movie with your own plot and whatever you like but after this the OC finds a way to go back and forth threw time so that he can see his family and have San meet his family also try to have for the plot after the movie the OC and San are trying to find a way to change the future so that instead of the future when man has destroyed the forests of the world and killed off all the spirits have the change it to were all the spirits are still alive and man and spirits live together in harmony no longer destroy the forests to live sound good to you and like i said all you have to do is somewhat follow whats written down but other the that you got free rein over the fic?
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...
The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
- My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
- My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
- My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
- Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
- The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
- I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
- When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
- After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
- I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
- I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
- I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
- One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
- All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
- The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
- I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
- I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
- When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
- I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
- I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
- Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
- I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
- No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
- I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
- I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
- No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
- No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
- I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
- My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
- I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
- All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
- All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
- I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
- I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
- I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
- I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
- I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
- If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
- If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
- If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
- I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
- Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
- When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
- I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
- I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
- I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
- If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
- If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
- I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
- If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
- My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
- If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
- I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
- If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
- I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
- The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
- My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
- Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
- If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
- I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
- My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
- If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
- I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
- Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
- I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
- If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
- My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
- No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
- I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
- All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
- When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
- If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
- If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
- I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
- When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
- I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
- If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
- If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
- I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
- If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
- If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
- If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
- I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
- If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
- I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
- I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
- I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
- My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
- If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
- After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
- I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
- I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
- If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
- If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
- When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
- My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
- My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
- My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
- If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
- Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
- Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
Of course, these are merely the Top 100 Things I'd do. Other suggestions have been sent to me which didn't quite make the Top 100 List. But they are still so good that I couldn't bear to throw them out. Therefore, as an expression of gratitude, I have tossed them into...