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misteryman526 PM
Joined May '10

Why do the best fanfiction writers seem to be struck down by debilitating or fatal illnesses so often? Perhaps there is a curse placed on FF net...

Attention Naruto writers:

Please be aware that the Demon Brothers (in canon) are NOT hiding in a Genjutsu when Team 7 encounters them during the Wave arc. They were using a Water Ninjutsu called "Hiding In The Water" which made the real puddle of water 'larger on the inside' so they could submerge themselves even though the puddle was only a couple inches deep. That's why they were wearing the rebreathers when they attacked: they had actually been under water waiting for Team 7 to arrive


--Ricky Gervais


I highly recommend that you read the Harry Potter/Doctor Who crossover

The Savior, Child of the Tardis, Son of a Mad Man by Kuroi in a Black Hole

So far there's not a lot of standard Harry Potter action, but the story is a perfect depiction of how the Doctor would deal with magical situations. If you love Harry Potter or Doctor Who you must read this!



Heisenberg and Schroedinger were driving down the expressway. A police officer clocks them exceeding the posted speed limit and pulls them over. The officer speaks to Heisenberg and asks him if he knows how fast he was driving. Heisenberg replies "No, but I do know exactly where I was when you signalled me to pull over." The officer thought this was a strange response and decided to investigate the vehicle further. Asking Heisenberg to open the trunk he walked to the back of the vehicle and saw a dead cat in the otherwise empty trunk. "Did you know you have a dead cat in the trunk?!" he yelled to the occupants of the car. "Well, I do NOW!" responded Schroedinger.

Your fancy unbreakable thing will invariably fall on an even more expensive, very fragile thing

In the beginning the Universe was created.
This has made a lot of people very angry, and been widely regarded as a bad move

-The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams

Morality is doing what is right, regardless of what you are told.

Religion is doing what you are told, regardless of what is right.

"Rational arguments don’t usually work on religious people. Otherwise there would be no religious people." - Gregory House, M.D. Season 4 Episode 2 The Right Stuff.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs,

then perhaps you have totally misunderstood the situation

What if...fanfic writers stopped using the words "What if" in their *&?# story descriptions?! If you can't write a descriptive paragraph without the dreaded "What if", then please don't write at all.

Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky

who created the universe, and the vast

majority will believe you.

Tell them the paint is wet,

and they have to touch it

to be sure. --George Carlin

Never kick a man when he's down. He might be faking to lure you in closer. Shoot him when he's down instead.

Copied this from another profile. I don't think I got the same message from it as the other person:

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

So apparently God is a petty douche-bag that helps sycophantic boot-lickers, and punishes non-worshippers with rape. I would have been more inspired if Diane had seen some guy have a heart attack and later found out that he was wanted for previous rapes, and realized that God had rewarded her faith by smiting the rapist. (Plus how stupid is she to keep walking down the alley after she saw the guy standing at the end!!!)

Copied from a different profile, for same reason:

If someone put a gun to your head, asked if you believed in God, and told you they would shoot you if you said yes, would you say yes? If you would, copy this onto your profile.

Yet another case of religion causing extreme stupidity. Apparently it's more important to pay lip-service to God by asserting his existence even when you will die as a result (despite the fact that this is suicide which is supposedly a big no-no).

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?” --Epicurus

"With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil—that takes religion." - Steven Weinberg, 1999

"I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?"

Lily [holding Peter’s hand over her stomach so he can feel Harry kick] "Sorry this is taking so long, he kicked for everyone else." James: "It’s hard for the little guy to perform under pressure." Sirius: "Top ten things James said on his wedding night." Peter: "Woah! It was small, but I think I felt something!" Remus: "Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night. "

[Lily laughs]

James: "Stop laughing at it, Lily!" Everyone: "Top ten things James said on his wedding night!"

Favorite Fan-Fic quotes:

"Don't you get it yet, my little wizard?" Tom mocked as he started to spell out his name in flames. Then he seemed to tap it and the letters rearranged themselves. As the words appeared Tom read it out.


"You were bored in History of Magic too, weren't you?"

from Were's Harry?

by DobbyElfLord

"Just bear in mind, Mad Eye, Dumbledore will happily betray the innocent in the hopes of forgiving the guilty"

from Harry From Another World

by Sprinter1988

"He will actually kill people for money?"

"He will. He does." Luna said confidently. "I haven't confirmed it with him, but I believe that is why he's here, to deal with

Mr. Who."

"Mr. Who?" the very confused Scion of the Longbottom family asked.

"Well, I hardly know him well enough to call him 'You Know'."

from Harry Potter and the Sun Source

by Clell65619

"Ms. Lovegood, please do not take this wrong," McGonagall said in exasperation, "but your father is quite simply insane."

"Yes, I know. But on the other hand he makes lovely Strudels."

from Broken Chains

by Darth Marrs

"Did you Know that regular floo powder is made from

crushed up Deetlebungs? They are actually endangered

and I have been petitioning the International Board of

Magical Transportation for some time now." (Xeno)

"Ah-" (Harry)

"They should switch to flee powder" (Xeno)

"Is that what you use?" (Harry)

"Yes. It's made from Unicorn dust. Nasty little things." (Xeno)

"Unicorns?!" (Harry, completely confused)

"Of course. They are pure evil. Only interested in virgins, indeed." (Xeno)

from Travel Secrets Third

by E4mj

Dumbledore finally spoke. "In most towns, they raise young people and send them,

helpless and unsuspecting, into a cruel, merciless world. Apparently in Roanapur, they raise

young people and send them, cruel and merciless, into a helpless, unsuspecting world." The Malfoys

and Parkinsons nodded, giving Harry very nervous looks.

from Harry and the Pirates

by Technomad (and excellent Harry Potter crossover with the Black Lagoon anime)


Harry Potter, after a blood test in Gringotts, inherits vaults belonging to Griffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Slytherin and Merlin. Unfortunately, Gringott's Bank was founded in the 1400s, long after all those people died so they couldn't possibly have vaults in the bank.


The pickled shark in Atlantis is Martian. Fnord.

When you are dead,

you don't know

that you are dead,

so it is difficult only for others.

It is the same when you are stupid.

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