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Harry Potter :

"I won't blast people out of my way just because they're there. That's Voldemort's job." -Harry Potter

There were so very few secrets the ancient, pureblooded families had held back from Voldemort successfully, but the nature of that library was one of them. Although there had been tantalizing hints in plenty. And, while Voldemort would kill to know what few secrets remained hidden to him that lurked in that collection (actually, point of fact, Voldemort would kill for an ice cream cone and then not eat it) Harry had no such inclination. (Partially kissed hero)

Never having even touched the door, the wards across it didn't so much as note their passing. Being foolproof really depends upon what kind of fool you're talking about (Partially kissed hero)

Best defense: not be there (Partially kissed hero)

Harry burst into a fit of laughter. He hadn't laughed this hard since his thirty seventh birthday when Luna had explained to him that the candles on the cake were bombs planted by Lartenfluff beasts to blow up his cake. Harry had grown used to Luna's ludicrous magical theories, but he couldn't contain his mirth when Dean had blown up the cake with his wand (somehow managing to ignite Seamus's eyebrows, even though he was standing behind several people, who all remained unscathed). (Shiny and blue)

As you may or may not have guessed, the demonstration will be a duel between me and your very generous headmaster "The goal of our duel is to incapacitate the other for one minute. Please feel free to pick one of us to root for, but remember that I'm the one grading you." (Shiny and blue)

I suppose I had a lot of pent up paranoia. When you spend the first sixteen years of life running from a dark wizard who keeps possessing your school teachers, and spend a career only surviving because you did bother to check in the cereal box for dark wizards—that actually happened—you get a lot of unnecessary fears... (Shiny and blue)

When the school song began Tom looked horrified. He glanced over at Harry and asked through tightly clenched teeth, "What the bloody hell is this?" Harry shuddered and lowered his head. "It's atrocious, isn't it? Dippet never made us do anything so ridiculous as this." "It's not just ridiculous, it should be illegal. I'm a bloody Dark Lord and I wouldn't subject anyone to horror like this." Harry snorted and dissolved into snickers before regaining control of himself. (Rebirth)

"The island prison of Azkaban wishes you a pleasant day," the voice finished resolutely. "Please do not feed the dementors" (Dimension Hopping for Beginners)

"Well it is technically a Dark potion. It classified as such after a wealthy optician petitioned the ministry that it was destroying his profits just after it was invented. It will hurt enormously as the nerves are destroyed and re-grown." "It can't be worse than your cruciartus curse." "That's the spirit, bottoms up." (at the Hands of the other )

"For most people, I think it's 'if you know how closely related to a Muggle you are, you're too closely related to be a Pureblood.'" Hermione trailed off again, looking slightly green. "You know what, I think I have my own philosophy regarding marriage: 'If you know how closely related you are to someone, you're too closely related to date.'" "Works for me," Harry agreed, making a mental note to never look up his or Ginny's family tree under any circumstance. (Oh god, not again!)

Sometimes Harry wondered if Voldemort attacked so the Slytherins wouldn't have to take exams. (Thicker than Blood)

Tom returned to the Common Room with a happy smile on his face. The Slytherin first years screamed and ran away in terror. (rose red)

Harry shrugged and headed down to the great hall. Cutting through a nice short cut he walked in to two identical chests and fell to the ground.

"Alright there Harry?"

"It's usually best it you walk around the person." Harry grinned up at the twins, he truly liked the pair (embracing evils)

If a basilisk, a bee, a dragon, two dementors, and a psychotic ministry hag couldn't off Potter, the Dark Lord didn't stand a chance (unknown)

"You know," Rookwood said conversationally, "there's got to be at least a dozen spells on those doors to prevent them from being forced."

"Tell that to the doors," Sirius replied as they were ripped open by the frustrated werewolf, revealing a narrow, and suspiciously empty, corridor beyond. (unknown)

"I've always wondered what all these… I mean, items like these do." He looked at Dumbledore, who was watching him silently. "Do they even have a purpose?" Dumbledore smiled mysteriously from where he was sitting behind his desk. "Not all. Some are attached to the wards, to inform me if anyone is fatally injured, while others are simply curious."Harry pointed at his favourite, the globe. "What's this one do?"

"It's job…" Dumbledore began somewhat dramatically. "Is to be shiny."

Harry raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Of course. I might've known." (Lemon drops and blood pops)

Harry grinned and cast a sonorous charm. "FOOD FIGHT!"

The chaos that ensued would go down in Hogwarts a History as the most epic food fight to ever stain the Main Hall. Dumbledore would later be heartbroken that he had missed it. (Lemon drops and blood pops)

The after game party in the Gryffindor party was a bit more subdued then it normally was. One of their own was in the hospital wing and it dampened everyone's spirits when that happened . . . unless it was Harry, he spent so much time in the hospital wing that people started getting nervous when he managed to stay out of it for more then a coupe months.(Make a wish)

Harry Potter / Twilight Crossover :

Edward easily caught up to them. "That was nice." "They are so bloody annoying!" Harry scowled. "I just want to choke them. Both!" "Your father is Chief of Police, you might be able to get away with it." Edward said making Harry grin (Emerald twilight)

He'd decided to forgo sitting with the Cullens to sit with Isa and her newest friend Jessica whatsherface, the slutty one who kept trying to flirt with him only to be treated to a completely bemused look. If anyone wanted to flirt with him, they needed to wear a sign, like a sticker on their forehead reading 'I AM FLIRTING WITH YOU' before Harry would bother to pay attention to them. (the otherside of the cafeteria Edward nearly choked and Alice grinned wildly) ( Like a concussion)

Harry Potter / Naruto Crossover :

"Harry was made for you and you for him. It is fate." The elder of the two snorted, although his heart pounded at the thought. "I'm not the biggest fan of fate." "I'm not the biggest fan of mornings. That does not stop them from coming." (Screwed)

Dinner was in three hours and Harry got a short, very short tour of the compound.

''Trees, houses, main house, more trees, training grounds, trees,'' Neji said in a dead pan voice.

''Aren't you a bucket of sunshine,'' Harry muttered. They had stood on a porch and Neji just pointed to each direction. Harry, who did not have 360 degrees of vision, was left staring at a wall

(ink deep)

"I'm glad it was the highlight of the day for your underlings but I don't think anyone will be laughing when the next lot come back with broken bones."

"'Underlings'?" The Nara repeated, visibly amused now. "I wouldn't exactly call them that. And threatening ANBU with lethal jutsus isn't a good idea."

Hiei just stopped short of sneering at the Jounin. "Whoever said anything about jutsus? I wield a mean frying pan."

The Nara actually huffed a laugh this time

(Find me a white knight cloaked in black)

Naruto :

"Are you going to stand there brooding all day Sasuke-teme?" Naruto asked, rudely invading the Uchiha's personal space. "Come on; what are you doing sulking in a corner? We rescued a princess, liberated a country, the weather's great, the food's good and everyone is celebrating! Get that stick out of your ass and join the party!" (strength of brothers)

There'd been a single one of those small creatures dusting the floor that he'd appeared right beside. It barely stood as high as Naruto's shoulders, all scraggly muscle and leathery skin, bald head with giant ears and eerie yellow eyes.

Naruto, being the future Hokage, greatest ninja alive, and just generally awesome in every way, had assessed the situation properly.

After the brief 'scream-like-a-girl-in-fear-and-point-stupidly-at-the-thing' phase of course. That was just procedure.

In Naruto's defense, the creature had done the exact same thing

(Naruto : lord of konoha)

Everyone was dumbstruck by this idea, and looking at Naruto like they didn't know him. "What, I know about strategy, speed, and antitheses. I was actually in class for that lecture." Naruto responded defensively. (Edo Tensei)

Naruto blinked in surprise. Sasuke had just asked for something? Almost nicely? And tactfully? So that it didn't sound like the little Uchiha was giving someone not as good as him an order that he expected to be obeyed? Discretely, Naruto looked over to the window, making sure that the sky wasn't falling. Nope, still in place. Odd.

(divergent path)

“Sasuke needs to get drunk more often. He talked more last night than he did for the last four years!” (unknown)

Hoshigaki Kisame and Uchiha Itachi stood in the village square, trying to figure out the best way to kidnap Naruto. So far plan ‘smack him over the head with a two by four and drag him away by his feet’ was in the lead. (unknown)

Hidan ran out of the room, Sakura on his heels. Zetsu turned to his white side.

"I bet you $5 that she bets him up in 5 minutes."

"I say she bets him up in 6."

Itachi scoffed. Everyone turned to him.

"You guys are insulting Hidan's manliness."

Kisame raised his eyebrow at Itachi.

"She'll have him beginning for mercy in 2 minutes flat."

Kisame grinned at Itachi. The two Zetsu's turned to each other.

"You're on."


Sasori whistled. Itachi smirked and held his hand out to Zetsu. The plant man grumbled something and handed him 5 bucks.

(the tormenter by the name of Sakura)

Pouring herself a glass she stretched out and began reading a scroll pulled from her thigh pouch. Itachi was instantly interested.

Hidan was less interested. "Oh great, she's a geek. Still, bet I could teach her a thing or two!" He waggled his eyebrows. "You know what I mean?"

"Hidan, the bottle of sake knows what you mean." Kakazu wondered for the millionth time why fate was so cruel to him as to have Hidan as a partner.

(Saturday nights alright for fighting)

"What are we going to do Tsunade-sama?"

"I don't know! Why do people always ask me the fucking difficult questions?"

"Will they demand a ransom?"

"I reckon they're trying to get to Naruto. They reckon he'll go off half-cocked and they can grab him."

"I cannot imagine how they came to that conclusion ..."

(Saturday nights alright for fighting)

She smiled wanly at the man, hoping she could somehow convince her hormones that a normal man with a normal job could be as exciting as the men of the Akatsuki. This was all Sasuke's fault, she decided. If it hadn't been for him turning up to try and off his brother then she wouldn't have been taken along for the ride and would never have formed these stupid opinions. She smirked into her meal, blaming Sasuke for things always made her feel better.

(Saturday nights alright for fighting)

A vein twitched in my forehead, and I attempted to tear him a new one.

"Damn it, Sai!" I yelled, ripping myself from his grasp. "You scared the hell outta me!"

"You scared the hell out of me," he deadpanned. "Your ugly face nearly made me trip."

(Girlfriend for a day)

The shark ninja shook his head after she left and looked at Hidan, a smirk still on his face. "She's got quite a temper. I think you found your soul-mate, Hidan-san."

"Jashin always provides for those who serve him." Hidan replied with a grin.

"Well, you'd better go apologize, or Jashin is going to be providing you with another bed to sleep in tonight."

(in for the kill)

"Do you think she can cook?"

"Can't be any worse than Itachi, yeah?"

"My cooking is satisfactory."

"What a fucking crock o' shit! Your cooking's come closer to killing me than the fucking beheadings, seriously!"

(Saturday nights alright for fighting)

Ah. Good morning, Itachi. I see you have yet to put your shirt on."

"Are you finished ogling yet?"

"Not yet. One more minute."

I could feel him roll his eyes at me. I could feel it.

(The Wits and Woes of Mrs. Sakura Haruno)

Itachi chuckled like the psychopath he is. "What's your best pick up line?"

"Go out with me or die."

"You stole my fucking line!"

"Hidan, shut up, un."

(The Wits and Woes of Mrs. Sakura Haruno)

Oh! Oh! Tobi has ice cream!" the masked Akatsuki shouted, running out of the room, and returning seconds later with several containers of ice cream. "Tobi is exited! Tobi never though he'd eat with Zetsu before!"

"Tobi is a good boy," Zetsu patted him on the head, as he put the cartons on the table.

"Among other things," his darker side added cynically, making Deidara snort.

(balancing affections)

Jiraiya shrugged. "We'll stop at the next town," he decided.

"That's great," Naruto said. "Where's the next town?"

An awkward silence, akin to those where two people realize that no, the other person is not in fact navigating, fell upon them.

"Shit," spoke the Toad Sage of Mount Myouboku.

Naruto groaned in disgust.

(The book of Naruto)

"What took you so long then?"

"Got ambushed."

A thin, pink eyebrow crawled upwards. "Ambushed?"

"Well, it is Water Country."

All right, she could concede that that was a fair enough argument. It was kind of a joke that being ambushed in Water Country hardly counted as being ambushed; it was just something you expected.

(house calls)

Due to Mia's…insistence… the Akatsuki join together monthly for… better strengthening their bonds and loyalties. At least, that's what she calls it."

"Really, though, I just insist on it because it's always a freaking riot," I confessed.

Tobi shot me a glare. "What? You told me it was essential!"

"It is essential… essential for Kakuzu's and my own blackmail stock. Do you have any idea how much shit we have on the artist duo, Kisame and, hell—everyone?"

"You don't have any on me," Tobi said pointedly.

I coughed.

Tobi's eyes narrowed. "You don't have anything on me."

I gave him a sweet smile in return.

(chipped Mask)

Naruto blearily opened the hotel door. "Yeah, yeah, what is it?"

Itachi glared at him. "You are the Nine Tails container?"

"No, I just look like him."

An awkward silence developed.

"Are… you sure?"

"Pretty sure. I mean, I know the whisker marks are misleading, but this is all cosplay stuff. Big fan."



Harry Potter / Avangers Crossover :

The stereotypical evil laughter made Harry look at the other man in the protective circle in disbelief. He didn't think anyone actually did that outside of a film. That man had not just gone around the bend – he was going in circles on a roundabout.

(All Hallows Eve)

"So… are those Halloween costumes or are you just…" Harry trailed off there, not quite knowing how to put it.

"We're the Avengers." The walking, talking American flag informed him.

"…Right…" Harry replied, incapable of keeping his eyebrows from rising just a bit. He didn't have the slightest clue what sort of club these Avengers were, but he didn't think anything but Halloween could excuse that costume.

(All Hallows Eve)

"Who are you?" Iron Man demanded shortly "And what are you doing here?"

"Fred Westley," Harry answered, giving the new alias just as easily as he'd given the name he'd used in Germany to Loki. "And I was camping just up there -" Harry said, pointing to the ridge where he'd bunked down as a wolf, "- when two people fell from the sky and decided to argue about something rather than go splat, like normal people who fall from great heights without a parachute generally are inclined to do."

(Moved by the law of probability)

Batman :

"I don't need any help." Batman growled. "Not my diagnosis," Scarecrow said with a smirk on his face.

(Batman: the dark knight)

For a world-famous supercriminal, he was practically harmless. Which was probably why Jackie Baker was still alive and in one piece. If any other rogue had wandered into her apartment, their meeting would have been over in a matter of seconds. Bam, dead, hey look, she made dinner! But since it had been the Riddler, things had turned out a little differently


Bruce Wayne was having a frustrating night.

And a frustrated Bruce meant a pissed off Batman.

That basically translates to 'run for your life'

(A late autumn dream)

"Congratulations, you surpassed my expectations and managed to make it to the top", announced the Riddler, his voice thick with mock surprise. "After observing the six of you I was certain the task would prove too taxing".

A look of indignation crossed Todd's face as he whined, "H-heeeey! I take offence to that"!

"You were supposed to", the Riddler replied dryly

(the grayson condrum)

She squirmed out of his grasp, furious.

"Can you not!? You almost gave me a freaking heart attack!" she practically hissed, storming away to show her displeasure. Jazz, of course, followed her.

"I noticed," he replied with a roll of his eyes, "What's bothering you?"

She sniffed, lifting her chin before descending the stairs that lead to the factory floor.

"Nothing's bothering me. I'm fine."

"Right, and the Batman is Bruce Wayne in disguise. Seriously, something's bugging you."

(for your entertainment)

Two hours after Jonathan had decided to stay both he and Jeanette were sitting at the kitchen table, talking over near-empty plates of polenta and cups of cider.

"…so then the police shine flashlights into the tree Killer Croc is hiding in, and he says "MOOOO!"

Jeanette laughed, a warm, real, bell-like laugh,

(Tea and sympathy)

Riddler: "What costs eleven million dollars and flies?"

"A solid gold garbage truck"

"How in the- that one didn't even make sense!"

"You've asked that one before"

"I haven't!"

"Prove it!"

(alls fair in love and riddles)

Jane was about to ask why when Dan yanked her in another direction. "Listen, are you hungry? I'm starving. We need to grab something to eat before we go to my place because God knows I have nothing in my fridge. Come to think of it," Dan quieted pondering. "I don't think I have a fridge."



'Keep calm Edward he sings it every day'

'I DON'T CARE CRANE! HIS SINGING IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME! Well that's if the food doesn't get me first.'

'I have to agree with Riddler on this one. That clown will be the death of us.'

( alice turns violent)

Superman: I know who you are.

Batman: I know who you are, where you live, and I'm having "breakfast" with Lois Lane tomorrow.

Superman: Touche.

Death Note :

Kira, L had decided after six missed cases in four countries, had been born solely for the purpose of driving him up the wall. Possibly onto the ceiling.


L scowled at him. Light smiled back as innocently as he could manage as he waved goodbye.

L almost suspected the boy to be Kira out of sheer aggravation, having never been so annoyed in thirty minutes before


Light gave a heavy sigh of exhaustion and exasperation. He resolutely did not say the appropriate words, 'God, why me?'

Somewhere, probably eating cake, L was grinning, he just knew it.

(the slow path of rehabilitation)

Harry Potter / Death Note Crossover

Harry wondered if there was an anti-Felix-Felicis potion, and if he took it by accident somehow on a regular basis ever since he was born. That would explain so much…

(a ghost called lawliet)

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