My Favorite 4 Thing I Have Ever Heard Or Read.
1. Dont knock on deaths door ... Ring his doorbell and RUN! I hear he hates that . :P
2. Just cause you can not see or hear it does not mean it is there .
3. The road of life is long and has its ups and downs , but your friends are there to help you threw it.
4. Life is like a flame of fire , its can be strong , but then it flickers and eventually it goes out . So make the best of it before the flame goes out.
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My Favorite Poem
Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire ,
Some say in ice.
From what Ive tasted if desire
I hold with those who favor fire .
But if I had to perish twice ,
I think I know enough of hate
To say the destruction of ice
Is also great
And would suffice
Robert Frost
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CRAZIES!
1. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what is so interesting about the eraser.
2. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on.
3. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself.
4. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do.
5. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in darkest powers (or almost, at least).
6. Crazy is when you fill up the tab separators in your binders with doodles/any other dP related thing you can think of about dP or the dP characters.
7. Crazy is when you can open up any book you've read and know exactly which part you're at by reading one word.
8. Crazy is when you laugh when nothing's funny.
9. Crazy is when you have OSD (Obsessive Sirius Disorder).
10. Crazy is when you crack up if someone says "Oatmeal!".
11. Crazy is when you suddenly start babbling about gourds.
12. Crazy is when you start laughing at the term 'cheap plastic' when no one else knows why.
13. Crazy is when you randomly started laughing like a maniac during a test.
14. Crazy is when your trying to help someone, but get side-tracked by a bug.
15. Crazy is when you just KNOW frogs will rule the world some day!
16. Crazy is when you run into a glass door and laugh at your blood all over the floor.
17. Crazy is when you find yourself having a crush on a fictional character, who not only happens to be married and a father, but also dead.
18. Crazy is running around in your pajamas yelling 'I'M SO ATTRACTIVE!' just because you need a confidence boost.
19. Crazy is making enough inside jokes to fill up several books within the span of one day.
20. Crazy is when you start to sing at every awkward pause just because you don't like silence.
21. Crazy is having the urge to do something illegal, and then happening to mention the urge to your mother in casual conversation :P
22. Crazy is going on FanFiction every spare moment when you have a project that you haven't started due the next day.
23. Crazy is dipping a carrot in orange juice because you feel like it.
24. Crazy is when you start laughing for no reason at the most inappropriate moment, and you don't even know why, so you laugh harder.
25. Crazy is you and your friends naming stuffed animals unisex names with a mixture of your names, and the boys you like's names. Crazy is also then baptizing said animals though one friend is a Catholic, another is an Atheist, and the third is a Muslim. (And naming each other the godmothers of course!)
26. Crazy is sitting in a bathtub because you want to be rebellious.
27. Crazy is bursting out laughing just because its too quiet.
28. Crazy is annoying someone for the heck of it.
29. Crazy is being absolutely crazily euphoric for at LEAST twenty seconds.
30. Crazy is putting a stuffed animal on the ceiling fan so it gets a nice view.
31. Crazy is having a Fanfiction story idea almost every day from the most common things (ie. The grocery store, school, the sky).
32. Crazy is when people start to worry about what you’re thinking when you get too quiet.
33. Crazy is going in to hysterics when a classroom vent rattles and then the teacher yells "What did you do?!"
34. Crazy is naming everything you see, I named my keyboard Robert Treesenten
35. Crazy is running around with your friend in a hotel and going on every floor on the hotel just for the heck of it
36. Crazy is being paranoid about your pet word out to get you
37. Crazy is asking for bubble wrap for your birthday every year, and never getting it
38. Crazy is being in the living room and saying "Look how big my mustache is!" and nobody cares
39. gotton tired and slapped myself to wake me up
40. jumped out of a tree for the fun of it
41.went out while it was snowing and say look it a frozen bug! (even if there is nothing there)
42. someone said i dont belive in ghost . i say you dont belive in ghost ?!?!! Then why is Fred making faces and laughing his head off at that ?
43.Went out in the snow in jeans and a t-shirt and play all day then come in the house and say IM NOT COLD !
44. hang upside down on a couch and forget your upside down and say OMG! THE SKY IS FALLING !!!
45. See a really gross and scary movie and then say THAT WAS AWESOME !!!! LETS WATCH ANOTHER ONE !
46. Stay up all night and then the next day be so hyper.
47. Mom asks you what you want for christmas and you say I WANT A WOLF !
48. Hit you head and fall down then when everything stops spinnign you start jumping up and down and singing you favorite song .
49. look at a light then start laughing for no reason.
50. Start jumping up and down and singing cause you dont like the silence or your just really bored .
If you're crazy, copy this on your profile and add some crazy things you've done to the list!
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D is for Derek
A is for a*-kicking witches
R is for running away
K is for koolest series ever!!!
E is for Eh, Simon's not as hot as Derek
S is for sexy werewolves
T is for Tori
P is for powers
O is for OH MY DEREK
W is for witches
E is for Edison Group
R is for Rae
S is for Simon
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or people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I must be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE, so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER, so I MUST do weed and steal stuff.
I'm a PUNK, so I must only wear black and date only other punks.
I'm ASIAN, so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
I draw ANIME, so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL, so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD, so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT, so I MUST be weak.
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND, so I MUST be Lesbian.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I like YURI, so I MUST be a lesbian.
I like YAOI, so I must be gay or perverted.
I don't wear MAKEUP, so I MUST look ugly.
I'm in ORCHESTRA, so I MUST be a geek.
I like SCREAMO music, so I MUST worship the devil.
I play PIANO, so I MUST know how to play every instrument.
I have GLASSES, so I MUST be smart.
I'm QUIET, so I MUST be anti-social.
I don't like CANDY that much, so I MUST not like sweets.
I like TECHNO and INDUSTRIAL, so I MUST go to raves.
I'm SHY, so I MUST be insecure.
I play the VIOLIN, so I MUST be ASIAN.
I can wear a SIZE 0, so I MUST anorexic.
I wanna be a DOCTOR, so I MUST love blood and guts.
I have a great MEMORY, so I MUST be smart.
I have STOLEN, so I MUST be a THEIF.
I have a DEVIANTART, so I MUST want to get discovered.
I hate MYSPACE, so I MUST have no life or friends.
I like to CUSS a lot, so I MUST I have anger issues.
I don't like SCHOOL, so I MUST be STUPID.
I like to CLEAN, so I MUST be a neat freak.
I like to BUY everything I see, so I MUST be a SHOPAHOLIC.
I wear VANS, so I MUST be a SKATEBOARDER.
I wear CONVERSE, so I MUST be PUNK.
I don't go to the MALL, so I MUST not have a LIFE.
I don't like to EAT A LOT, so I MUST be BULIMIC.
I hate CHOCOLATE, so I MUST hate all sweets.
I watch OLD SHOWS, so I MUST be stuck in the past.
I like RAINBOWS, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm OPEN MINED, so I MUST do everything.
I hate RAIN, so I MUST not like water.
I think MILK is disgusting, so I MUST be lactose intolerant.
I like going to RESTAURANTS, so I MUST be fat.
I hate the subject of SEX, so I MUST be prude.
I actually LAUGH during HORROR MOVIES, so I MUST have no SYMPATHY.
I like to BAKE and COOK, so I MUST be FAT.
I think ANIME BOYS are better than REAL BOYS, so I MUST be CRAZY.
I can't stand TWILIGHT, so I MUST be a loser.
I love VAMPIRES, so I MUST be WEIRD.
I have BRACES, so I MUST look like a nerd.
I dislike my BODY, so I MUST have poor SELF IMAGE.
I love KID MOVIES, so I MUST be CHILDISH.
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Come to the dark side. We have cookies.
I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you... but that's still on the list.
I like poetry, long walks on the beach, and poking dead things with a stick.
I just had to copy that . It was so funny !
Bite me and I'll bite back.
Me, sarcastic? Never.
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
The only reason I'm here is because heaven wouldn't have me and hell was afraid I'd take over.
A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught. (Alas, my cover's been blown. I hate getting caught.)
Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
Very few personal problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
History lesson: the dinosaurs didn't go extinct, Barney came and they all committed suicide.
You say physco like it's a bad thing...
I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.
If you can't convince 'em, confuse 'em.
What you call stupidity, I call selective understanding.
If you're color blind, eating sweets must be a completely different experience. "Come on starbursts, give me red!... LEMON, CRAP!"
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I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...
Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?
I intend to live forever...so far so good
Old enough to know better, young enough not to care
Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried
You see, I used to be normal. But then I learned to read. So, the normalness went right down the drain! My dad blames my first grade teacher.
Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile. (Don't intend to try it anytime soon...or ever)
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If you think Coke is better than Pepsi, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your pro!
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile
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My friends used to be semi-normal. Then they met me.
If you have done any of these, copy and paste it to your profile
I don't have a short attention span, I just OH LOOK A KITTY!
Save a cow, eat a vegitarian.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before the police do.(Yep)
Me and you is friends. When you smile I smile. When you hurt I hurt. When you cry I cry. When you jump off a bridge... I gonna miss ur e-mails.
A woman once said a man is like a deck of playing cards, you need: a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to smash his head in and a spade to bury the basterd.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?
I STOPPED FIGHTING MY INNER DEAMOND WERE ON THE SAME SIDE NOW.(It is so much more fun!)
The world is going to hell and I'm driving the bus.
DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHEN I AM TALKING TO MYSELF!(I might bite you )
I dream of a better world, where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Never put off until tomorrow what can be done the day after tomorrow.
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Happiness is a warm puppy.
It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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I'd rather be a creature of the night than an old dude."
"Are you on our side...and want to be different, or are you on that side and want to throw a football at my head!?"
"So many people treat you like you're a kid so you might as well act like one and throw your television out of the hotel window."
"The Devil got landed with a shitty job, he has to deal with assholes everyday, he's probably bored as hell."
"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching"
"Be yourself, don't take anyone's shit, and never let them take you alive"
"Hey, girls, you're beautiful. Don't look at those stupid magazines with sticklike models. Eat healthy and exercise. That's all. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough. You're good enough, you are too good. Love your family with all your heart and listen to it. You are gorgeous, whether you're a size 4 or 14. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, as long as you're a good person, as long as you respect others. I know it's been told hundreds of times before, but it's true. Hey, girls, you are beautiful."
"If for one minute you think you're better than a sixteen year old girl in a Green Day t-shirt, you are sorely mistaken. Remember the first time you went to a show and saw your favorite band. You wore their shirt, and sang every word. You didn't know anything about scene politics, haircuts, or what was cool. All you knew was that this music made you feel different from anyone you shared a locker with. Someone finally understood you. This is what music is about."
"I'm not psycho...I just like psychotic things."
"You're going to come across a lot of shitty band, and a lot of shitty people. And if anyone of those people call you names beacause of what you look like or they don't accept you for who you are, I want you to look right at that motherf, stick up your middle finger, and scream F* YOU!"
People like you are the reason I'm on medication.
Don't piss me off today, I'm running out of places to hide to bodies
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.
I am not anti-social..I just don't like you
Hmm...I dont know what your probelm is...but I'm going to bet it's really hard to pronounce...
There are some stupid people in this world. You just helped me realize it.
Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone
Hey, why don't you go play in traffic?!
Hey, I may be fat, but you'll always be ugly, and I can diet.
Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
Yeah, yeah, keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent.
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
You're a habit I'd like to kick -- with both feet.
So now we know why some mammals eat their children...
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This is Bunny.
(\_/)
(0_o)
C(")(")
Copy and paste Bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination!
On the other hand, this is Kitty.
l、
（ﾟ､ ｡ ７
l、 ヽ
じしf,)ノ
Kitty is Bunny's nemesis. Or evil accomplice. Nobody really knows.
Either way, copy and paste Kitty as well, or Bunny will get lonely!
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20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.
Repost this and spread the stupidity!
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Love vs. Sex
A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
some friends one
evening
and time passed quickly as each shared
their
various experiences of the past year.
She ended up staying longer than
planned,
and
had to walk home alone. She wasn't
afraid
because it was a small town and she lived
only
a
few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm
trees,
Diane asked God to keep her safe from
harm
and
danger.
When she reached the alley, which was a
short
cut to her house, she decided to take it.
However, halfway down the alley she
noticed
a
man standing at the end as though he
were
waiting
for her.
She became uneasy and began to pray,
asking
for
God's protection.
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
and
security wrapped round her, she felt as
though
someone was walking with her.
When she reached the end of the alley,
she
walked right past the man and arrived
home
safely.
The following day, she read in the
newspaper
that
a young girl had been raped in the same
alley
just
twenty minutes after she had been there.
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
the
fact
that it could have been her, she began to
weep.
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
help
this
young woman, she decided to go to the
police
station.
She felt she could recognize the man, so
she
told
them her story.
The police asked her if she would be
willing to
look
at a lineup to see if she could identify
him.
She agreed and immediately pointed out
the
man
she had seen in the alley the night
before.
When the man was told he had been
identified,
he
immediately broke down and confessed.
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
and
asked if there was anything they could do
for
her.
She asked if they would ask the man one
question.
Diane was curious as to why he had not
attacked her.
When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She had two tall men walking on either side of
her."
Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of
teenagers
will not stand up for God?
Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly
believe
in
God..
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NORMAL PEOPLE rely on construction people to tear down buildings
DARKEST POWERS FANS: would rather ask Chloe to release a demi-demon
NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG!
DARKEST POWERS FANS: say OH MY DEREK!! (OMD)
NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
DARKEST POWERS FANS: go to Simon
NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you!
DARKEST POWERS FANS: say shut up or i'll get Dr. Davidoff to terminate
you
NORMAL PEOPLE: think that werewolves are half-wolf half-human freaks
DARKEST POWERS FANS: know A LOT better and know to go outside right away
when they see/hear a stranger vomiting in the bushes
NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
DARKEST POWERS FANS: when being chased yell DEREK SAVE ME!!
NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
DARKEST POWERS FANS: know that somewhere Derek is just yelling at Chloe
NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
DARKEST POWERS FANS: would go directly to BUFFALO NEW YORK
NORMAL PEOPLE:dont have this on there profile
DARKEST POWERS FANS: MUST have this on there profile
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Nick names
Mutt
Wolfie
Devils daughter
Demon child
E
Vixen
Tiger
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PRODUCT LABELS
On a Sears hairdryer--Do not use while sleeping. (Oh, no! When will I use this, then?)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (So we're encouraging shoplifting, now?)
On a bar of Dial soap --Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners --Serving suggestion: Defrost. (Really? Cuz I like it frozen better.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --Do not turn upside down. (Oh, thank goodness. I shudder to think what would happen if I turned it upside down.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding --Product will be hot after heating. (Oh, really? I was hoping it'd be cold...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- Do not iron clothes on body. (Man! I won't have time to iron clothes now.)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- Warning: May cause drowsiness. (GASP! Drowsiness? That couldn't be the reason I'm taking this!)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to what?)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- Warning: contains nuts. (Thank goodness they warned me. I never would have figured that out.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts. (No, I'll chuck them at people. Gawsh, what else would you do?)
On a child's Superman costume -- Wearing of this garment does notenable you to fly. (Aw, man! now I'll have to return this...I wanted to jump off skyscrapers and stuff.)
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15 Things to do when your in Walmart!
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream: "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Pikachu I Choose You!!"
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QUotes.
When life gives you lemons...make apple juice, then laugh at the idiots who spend their lives figuring out how the hell you did that.
When life gives you lemons, say hey, I like lemons. Got anything else for me?"
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" -Albert Einstein
"I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it." -Garrison Keillor
"Reality is nothing but a collective hunch." -Jane Wagner
"Humankind cannot stand very much reality." -T. S. Eliot
"Everything you can imagine is real." -Pablo Picasso
"Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy." -Sarah Ban Breathnach
"Never eat more than you can lift." -Miss Piggy
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph." -Shirley Temple
"So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh?" -Dwight K. Schrute, The Office
"I want my two dollars!" - Paper Boy in Better Off Dead
"Holy shit! It's attack of Eddie Munster!" -Edgar (or Allen I'm not sure which one is which) From The Lost Boys
"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."
"Welcome to the Ool. There's no "p" in it, lets keep it that way."
"If you're standing on a toilet, you're high on pot."
"Someday we'll look back at this, laugh nervously, and change the subject."
"Parents spend the first years of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and then during the rest of our lives they tell us to sit down and shut up."
"If you're looking at a guy, you're blind to all his flaws, but when it's you you're looking at, flaws is all you see."
"Guys with Emo hair are like a billion times more sexy than other guys." No duh.
"Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!"
"Life was so simple when boys had cooties."
"I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends."
"Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs."
"An apple away keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."
"Ever stop to think and forget to start again?"
"My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil."
"Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought"
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
"Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies." Willy Wonka
"A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering 'Seven days...'"
"All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies." Pathetically true.
"If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you."
"They're speaking the international language of LOVE." -Mrs.Smith, Better Off Dead
"Sorry I blew up your mom." -Lane Meyer, Better Off Dead
"Pick a tree. I'll go carve our initials in it." -Fang
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"I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters
"Character is what you are when no one else is looking."
"I'll hold it and you light the fuse." Famous Last Words
"So...you're a cannibal." See above
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." Freida Norris
"You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music." Jim Carrey
"He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron."
"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and sits softly on your shoulder." Nathaniel Hawthorne
"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it." P.J. O'Rourke
"If you know me, chances are you hate me."
"Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much"
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made the horn louder."
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." –Bill Watterson
"When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets."
"They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?"
"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns
"I can't die, because I'm the main character of my own life."
"I'm the kind of person your parents warned you about."
"Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright."
"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest and he who laughs first doesn't get it." Roughdiamond5 (Hi!)
"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running-- try and keep up!"
"Every fight's a food fight when you're a cannibal!"
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It's a matter of life after death—now that he's dead, I have a life
I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves splashed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever.
I remain as confused as a gangster with a skateboard
Boys are like trees—they take 50 years to grow up.
EMO kids have cool hair.
I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!
Tootie, you in trouble - Facts of Life
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I get a parachute, and save your retarded ass.
I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton
Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorious. But not so much tastey!
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
I don't obsess! I just have...persistent ideas.
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but one right and one left make a light.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them
Don’t mess with me- I've got a stick
A good friend will bail you out of jail
A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Damn, we messed up."
A good friend helps you when you fall. A true laughs and trips you again.
He said "I love you," I laughed and said, "Sorry. I'm allergic to bullshit"
NO TREPASSING Violaters will be shot; Survivors will be shot again
I thought I was stupid, before I met you
I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet
Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?
Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later.
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, the Terminator is the Governor, and Trump wants to be president.
A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy?
My main set of morals when somebody insults me or does something annoying usually consist of three steps. 1. I ask them nicely to stop 2. I repeat with force 3. I insult them, cuss them out and/or threaten doom, torture, and/or enslavement.
One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!
Me, I'm dishonest. And you can always trust a dishonest person to be dishonest. Honestly. But it's the honest ones you have to look out for, because they're the ones who will always do something stupid.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
Education is important; school however, is another matter.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
If you hate it when people label you, copy this into your profile
If you have ever insulted someone so stupid that they didn't get the insult, copy this into your profile
If you are obsessed with violence, copy this into your profile
If you love reading, copy this into your profile
If you are inexplicably evil, copy this into your profile
If you love to reminisce about the past, copy this into your profile
If you think Lucifer is probably hot, copy this into your profile
If your best friend is obsessed with a fictional character, copy this into your profile
If you and your friend often say the same things at the same time by accident, then copy this into your profile
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.
Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those that can't.
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Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask directions.
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
I hate it when the voices and my imaginary friends fight.
Have you seen my mind? I seem to have lost it.
If all else fails, try reading the instructions.
Lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. However, I own a flamethrower, and therefore, life holds more fun for me than just lying!
I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me.
Smart is sexy.
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Remember this, if someone is bothering you. It takes 40 muscles to frown, but it takes only three to stick up your middle finger and say, "Bite me!"
My imaginary friend thinks you have a very serious problem...
Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.
Ask me no questions, I will tell you no lies…
When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
Perfect men are only fictional.
Sticks and Stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within.
Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Remember: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete idiot –some parts are missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
God must love stupid people; He made so many.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a life time commitment for a pig.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If your part of the 7 percent that would ask the person "what was your first clue?" copy this onto your profile
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.
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If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway, copy and paste this into your profile.
If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are anti-social sometimes, copy and paste this into your profile.
If 99.9 of the time, you have no clue what‘s going on, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you find Derek Souza to be so much sexier than Jacob Black because he's a moody, antisocial, rude werewolf, please paste this in your profile. ( Derek is much more sexier . )
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FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you’ve had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say “Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don’t waste.”
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to whats wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
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If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.
If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.
Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.
Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.
So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.
If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eternity.
Repost this to your profile, and spare yourself the emotional stress
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This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.