Growing up... your best friend becomes your worst enemy. Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework turns into restraining orders=/ Detention becomes expelltion. Soda becomes vodka. Undies turn into g-strings. Fake guns turn real. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst thing you could get from girls were cooties? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran fastest. War was only a card game. The only drug you knew was cough medicine. The only things that hurt were skinned knees. And goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?... and to think we all couldn't wait to grow up.
Random quotes to remember
"Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone."
"Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat."
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...
Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics
If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable
Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese. There are five people in my familly so it must be one of them. It's ether my mum or dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu. But i think it's Colin.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.
If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
When you were 8 years old, your mom handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by yelling at her and telling her its the wrong kind
When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old she drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.
When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.
When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not writing a single letter.
When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.
When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.
When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being on the phone all night.
When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.
When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.
When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you. You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.
When you were 50, she fell and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.
And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.
If you love your MOM, post this on your profile and title it 'I Cried'
Sanity? Why would I want something as useless as that?
We are not retreating...we are advancing in another direction.
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
You're a great friend. But if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.
I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.
I'm the type of person who laughs three times at a joke. Once when it's told, once when it's explained to me, and once five minutes later when I actually get it.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!
Goldfish have the memory span of 3 seconds, sometimes i have to wonder if i'm a goldfish.
Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks.
If life gives you lemons, throw them back, and yell I WANT JENSON ACKLES!
Keep staring I might do a trick.
That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work
I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth!
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Never memorize something that you can look up — Albert Einstein (did he really say that ? )
Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
I couldn't repair your breaks so I mad your horn louder
92 percent of teenagers would die if Ambercrombie and Fitch told them it's not cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you'd be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off.
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people who answer "Where to begin?"
If you ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, C&P
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, C&P
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfiction, copy this into your pro
If people think you are mentally insane...copy this into your profile
If they are right...copy and paste this into your profile
If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your pro
If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, C&P
Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, C&P
If you've ever walked into a doorway you could have clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this into your profile
My best friend is insane, if you agree or have an insane friend, copy and paste this on your pro.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you have a problem with counselors, copy and paste!!
If you think everyone's out of their minds (including yourself...but that's a given), copy and paste this to your profile
If you love rain, copy and paste.
If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy, copy this into your profile (Me: I was listening to music)
If you are a person who acts friendly, but has an evil mind and is plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste into your pro
If you've ever copy and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in the middle of a conversation, C&P
If you are one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste
If you have your own little world, C&P
If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy and paste (me: in other words, if you are actually taking the time to read all this...
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.
I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile
Copy and paste if you just wanted to copy and paste this.
If you've ever pushed on a door marked pull or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile.
The Stupidest Things On Products
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
On a Myer hairdryer:"Do not use while sleeping."(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Wow. That's really helpful)
On a child's superman costume:"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Awh, that's the whole purpose of buying the costume!)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:"Put on fork and eat."(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how??)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion).
On a Korean kitchen knife:Warning: keep out of children. (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)
On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:Directions: Use like regular soap.(and that would be how?)
Ways to make sure you're insane
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy"
Ask your dog if it's comfortable with it's name. Repeat with cat, until people ask if you're alright.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk .
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme .
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because your not in the mood.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!"
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! they're loose!!"
Things to do in an Elevator
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
How Insane are you?
[X] You have screamed at an inanimate object for "hurting you" [ ] You have ran into a glass/screen door. [ ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle. [X] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks. [X] You have run into a tree/bush. [ ] You have been called a blonde.
so far: 3
[X] you know that it IS possible to lick your elbow. [X] You just tried to lick your elbow. [X] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same melody. (*Removes glasses* Holy Flying Pepperoni...) [X] You just sang them to make sure. [X] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen. [X] You have choked on your own spit.
[X] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it. [ ] You type with three fingers or less. [ ] You have accidentally caught something on fire. [X] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose. [X] You have caught yourself drooling.
so far: 12
[X] You have fallen asleep in class. [X] Sometimes you just stop thinking. [X] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about. [X] People often shake their heads and walk away from you. [ ] You are often told to use your 'inside voice'.
so far: 16
[X] You use your fingers to do simple math. [ ] You have eaten a bug accidentally. [X] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important. [X] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it. [X] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time.
so far: 20
[ ] You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't. [ ] You break a lot of things. [X] You tilt your head when you're confused. [X] You have fallen out of your chair before. [X] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
so far: 23
[X] The word "um" is used frequently. [X] You don't know what "um" means. [X] You say "what?" a lot. [X] You use memes in real life situations
27 x 3 =81 %