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FlowQueen PM
Biography
Joined Jun '12

Name: Arty or Art (ha, you thought I was going to give you my real name? PUH-LEASE!) or, you can call me Mrs. di Angelo!!!

Age: Never gonna happen!

Location: Inside a taco. On the moon. In another galaxy.

Things I Like: Tohappyformyowngood (my friend outside of FF), purple, PJO, Harry Potter, Twilight, Hunger Games, DramaQueen1649 (my other friend outside of FF), Zutara, Thalico, but most of all, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE NICO DI ANGELO!!!

Things I Dislike: ClearlyWritten (an author on FF), my enemies, girly-girls, people who pick on my friends, people who flame you for personal reasons, people who are bent on following the rules and guidelines on FF (Eliminators)

Couples I Ship: PERCABETH! Frazel, Zutara, Taang, Thalico, Tratie, BellaxEdward, JacobxNessie, AlicexJasper, RosaliexEmmet, CarlislexEsme, BellaxAlec, BellaxFelix, BellaxDemetri, Leyna, Jeyna, SADICO! (if Nico isn't paired with Thalia or Sadie, NO ONE CAN HAVE HIM! HE IS MINE!), Salt, Zarter, Jalt, Jazlian, AphroditexHepheastus, SilenaxBeckendorf, ClarissexChris, ArtemisxOrion, SokkaxSuki, DezxTrish, JadexBeck, CatxRobbie, TorixOc, AndrexOC, TrinaxOC, DinaxDuece, CecexGunther, RockyxOC, CecexLuke (Luke from JESSIE!), ZurixFlynn, PhineasxIzabella, JeremyxCandace, KimxJack, RenesmeexOC, Reynabeth (yes, this couple DOES exist!)

Couples I Don't Ship: Posades (thanks to ClearlyWritten) Perlia, Percemis, BellaxJasper, BellaxEmmett, Kataang, Lazel, Thaleo, ConnorxKatie, NicoxAnnabeth, ZeusxPoseidon, ZeusxHades, Kaatang, Lazel, JasonxPercy, JasonxNico

Couples Who Are Okay: Pothena, Peo (Percy/Leo, NOT Piper), PercyxNico, PoseidonxArtemis, AphrodiexAres, RachelxNico, ArtemisxHermes, ZukoxMai, ZukoxTy Lee, AzulaxSokka, AnnabethxHazel, AnnabethxChris (read my story "Reversed" to find out!), BellaxCaicus, BellaxMarcus, BellaxAro (sorta)

Couples I HATE WITH A BURNING PASSION: PercyxPiper, PiperxNico, PiperxAnnabeth, PiperxAnyone whose not a troll or imaginary

Fav. Artist: Jacob Latimore, Astro, Mindless Behavior, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Adele, Maroon Five, Selena Gomez, Nicki Manaj, P!nk, me (hey, i didn't say they had to be famous!!!!

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this on your profile. He'll see it.


IF YOU BELIVE IN GOD, READ THIS!!

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room
was a large round table.

In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled
delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.

The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell. They went to the next room and
opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was
the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, 'I don't understand. It is simple said the Lord. It requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.' When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you!

He died for you…why not live for Him?

He died for you…why not live for Him?


TEAM SETH CLEARWATER! 'Cause he's team Edward and team Jacob. And let's face it. He's adorable!

Motto: YOLO!(you only live once) & OLOY! (only losers obey yolo!!!)

Philosophy: I value my haterz!!!

Date of: 2/18/13- People on my bus got into a fight. AWESOMENESS! Oh, and one of the girls thinks she can beat up anyone. That chick got OWNED! I'm talking backed up in a corner owned!


Stories I'm working on:

I'm the Daughter of Artemis- Isabella Johnson was an orphan with a pretty good life. She never knew who her mother was, and no one even mentioned a father. One day, after a hell hound attack, her best friend, Joella Montague tells her she's a Demi-god. Suddenly, Izzy's whisked off to Camp Half-Blood. She's expecting it to be a boring summer, but soon finds herself taking interest in the handsome Jackson Moore. Isabella is afraid. Afraid of what her mother will do after she finds out Isabella's taken notice to a boy. A story of tragedy, heart brake, and Drama. NO QUEST! OC story. Coming soon!!!

Reversed- It's you regular PJO fic...WITH A TWIST! Everyone has different parents, so people are all dating the wrong person. PERCABETH ensured! Probably near the end, though. Read. Review. Favorite. Kiss the ground I walk on for my genius. Favorite me. You know, the usual.


Favorite PJO Characters:

1. NICO DI ANGELO!!!

2. Annabeth Chase

3. Percy Jackson

4. Leo Valdez

5. Bianca di Angelo

6. Zoe Nightshade

7. Silena Beauregard

8. Charles Beckendorf

9. Travis Stoll

10. Katie Gardener

11. Conner Stoll

12. Clarisse la Rue

13. Chris Rodriguez

14. Rachel Dare

15. Grover

16. Juniper

17. Chiron

18. Artemis

19. Hades

20. Hepheastus

21. Aphrodite (because she got PERCABETH together!!!)

22. All the other gods

23. Reyna

24. Octavian

25. Gwen

26. Dakota

27. Everyone else (and yes, I know Jason is not on the list. I did that purposely...I also did not add Piper.Also meant to do that...)


Favorite Twilight Characters:

1. Renesmee

2. Alice

3. Seth

4. Emmett

5. Jacob

6. Rosalie

7. Bella

8. Renee

9. Esme

10. Carlisle

11. Jasper

12. Alec

13. Aro

14. Jane

15. Felix

16. Charlie

17. Everyone else


Favorite Hunger Games Characters:

1. Katniss (DUH!!!)

2. Peeta

3. Primrose

4. Haymitch

5. CINNA!

6. Prep. Team

7. Portia

8. Lavinia

9. Finnick

10. Annie

11. Boggs

12. Gale

13. Everyone else...


My Favorite Female Book Characters (No order):

1. Annabeth Chase

2. Ginny Weasley

3. Thalia Grace

4. Katniss Everdeen

5. Hermione Granger

6. Alice Cullen

7. Rosalie Cullen

8. Renesmee Cullen

9. Artemis

10. Sally Jackson

11. Primrose Everdeen

12. Rue

My Most Hated Female Characters:

1. Piper McLean

2. Patsy Parkinson


10 Ways to Annoy Jacob Black:

10. Never use English around him- instead, bark.

9. Call him a space heater.

8. Tell him that dogs make good pets, not good partners.

7. Ask him if he's RSVPed to the wedding yet.

6. Inform him that real men sparkle.

5. Walk up to him and claim that you have imprinted. Say you love him and demand his paw in marriage.

4. Tell him that even though he may run at a boiling 108.9, Bella doesn't find him hot.

3. Inquire as to how Leah is...and if he dreams about Sam the way Leah dreams about Bella.

2. Ask him if he likes to do things... doggy style.

And the number 1way to annoy Jacob Black:

1. Make him a day-by-day flip calender, counting down the amount of time Bella will remain human.


Okay, I'll start by saying, I used to like Piper. But then it dawned on me,"Piper is a little too perfect!" She is like, the definition of Mary-Sue! (I do not believe Annabeth is a Mary-Sue because she isn't perfect. So Luke liked her. It was only to add to the affect of the book. But hey, I don't care if you don't like her. Just don't tell me my opinion about her is wrong.) Okay, let us list the ways Piper is a Mary-Sue:

1. Perfect looks. (daughter of Aphrodite)

2. Perfect attitude.

3. Smart. (street-wise)

4. Athletic.

5. Get's the guy she wants.

6. Doesn't want to be beautiful.

7. Daughter of a movie-star.

8. Goes on a quest first few weeks.

9. Becomes cabin leader.

10. Rare gift of Charmspeak.


I also hate Jason. I'm sorry. I cannot stand him. He and Piper could die a cruel, painful death in Tartarus, and my friends and I would laugh for hours. I would get the page that was written on framed. I hate both of them. End of discussion.


ONE DAY A DAD COMES HOME DRUNK AND MAD. HE PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS HIS WIFE AND THEN TURNS THE GUN ON HIMSELF. HIS LITTLE GIRL SITS BEHIND THE COUCH CRYING. THE POLICE CAME AND TOOK THE LITTLE GIRL TO A NEW FAMILY. HER FIRST DAY TO SUNDAY SCHOOL SHE WALKS INTO THE BUILDING AND SEES A PICTURE OF JESUS ON THE CROSS.

THE LITTLE GIRL ASKS THE TEACHER: How did that man get off the cross?

THE TEACHER REPLIED: He never did.

THE LITTLE GIRL ARGUED: Yes he did when mommy and daddy fought he sat next to me behind the couch telling me everything was gonna be alright...

66 of u won't repost this. BUT REMEMBER THE BIBLE SAID, ''DENY JESUS IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS AND I WILL DENY YOU IN FRONT OF MY FATHER."Repost this


I had a dream I was drowning in Orange Soda. Turns out, it was just a FANTA-sy!

I am the biggest greek freak ever. I love reading and writing.

You know how teachers say the magic word is 'please'? That's not true. It's puke. That will get you out of class faster than anything else.

Teacher: Where's your math homework?

Me: It comitted suicide. It had too many problems.

I let my five year old brother watch Twilight. Now, he goes around biting people.

Laughing so hard, no noise comes out, so you sit there clapping like a retarded seal. (No Offense)

I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing!


This is what Will Farrell tweeted:

Texting while driven #YOLO
Forever alone #SOLO
Marco #POLO
Condom broke #OHNO
You like men #HOMO
Bitches crazy #FOSHO
Run Nigga Run #POPO

Sitting in the green room with Justin Beiber...must resist the urge to roundhouse kick him in his midget face...

if you watch mean girls backwards, it's about a girls who's so unpopular she moves to africa...

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long for fat people.

I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt, and Delete. Then when they f*ck up I will just hit them all at once.

Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

On the other hand, I have different fingers.

I changed all my passwords to 'incorrect'. So my computer just tells me when I forget.

If I had Morgan Freeman's voice I would sit in a corner and talk to myself for days.

That awkward moment when someone assumes you care about their opinion...

My bed and I are deeply in love. It's obvious my alarm clock is jealous.

I pretty sure the asshole who put the extra 'r' in February is the same guy who thought up the spelling for Wednesday...

Next time you feel a sneeze coming on, yell out "PIKA" right before the sneeze.

When someone says they have to ask you a question think of all the bad things you've done recently.

I fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.


That awkward moment when the most annoying person you know complains about someone else being annoying...

The awkward moment when the worst dancer you know corrects someone on thier dancing...

That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced, people actually think you're stupid...

That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car, then realize someone's inside...

The awkward moment when you walk in the closet and don't end up in Narnia...


On December 22, I'm going to tweet, "Anyone still alive?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Ten years. Trillions of dollars. Thousands of soldiers dead. State of the art technology. The US finally found Bin Laden... In his house.

If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and holds the universe together.

I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I don't have much to spare.

Guys should be like lattes- rich, strong, and hot!

Don't be afraid to talk to yourself. It's the only way to be sure someone's listening.

Arithmetic is being able to count to twenty without taking off your shoes. - Mickey Mouse

Age is but a number. Height though, is another matter.

You say I'm not cool. Cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Kindergarten- the grade that makes kids think LMNO is a word.

Favorite werewolf? Sorry Jacob, but we both know it's Seth!

Kidnapping is such a strong word...I prefer surprise adoption! :)


Twilight Jokes:

It's sad that every time you get a paper cut, you think of Jasper.

Edward= Diamonds Jacob= Dog. Diamonds are a girls best friend. Dog is mans best friend. Therefore, Jacob is gay.

One night, Tinkerbell and Dracula had a one night stand. Nine months later, a baby boy named Edward was born.


I am so sick of everyone hating Annabeth. Don't you people have anything better to do than make stories about how Annabeth is a liar and a cheater and whatever the Hades else you idiots write about (PoseidonxHades1). If you hate her so much, why do you spend majority of your time making up stories just to diss her, hmm. I'll tell you why. It's because you're losers who have nothing better to do than diss people and make them feel bad. So, go get a life. (Sorry for the rant. I was just not in a good mood, and I read a story about Annabeth being a two-timer and I kinda just went into an angry rant.) I'm not saying you should stop writing, just put it in your summary before you diss a girl's favorite character.

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school

He told his friends that it was cool

And when he pulled the trigger back

It shot with a great crack

Mommy I was a good girl

I did what I was told

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold

But mommy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye

I'm sorry mommy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry

When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another

And all because he got the gun from his older brother

Mommy please tell daddy that I love him very much

And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush

And tell my little sister that she is the only one now

And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best

Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest

Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class

And never to forget this and please don't let this pass

Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this

Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss

And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try

I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry

Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest

But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest

Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack

Mummy listen to me if you would

I wanted to go to college I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with daddy On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married I wanted to have a kid

I wanted to be an actress Mummy I wanted to live

But mummy I must go now The time is getting late

Mummy tell my Chris I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date

I love you mummy I always have I know you know it's true

Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"

Please if you would Pass this around I'd be happy if you could Don't smash this on the ground If you pass this on Maybe people will cry Just keep this in heart For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Now you have two choices

1) repost and show you care

2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart


When you were 5, your mom gave you a ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind.

When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming class to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back.

When you were 10, your mom payed for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class.

When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thanked her by talking on the phone all night.

When you were 14, your mom payed for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter.

When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got.

When you were 17, your mom drove you to the mall and gave you her credit card. You thanked her by maxing it out.

When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn.

When you were 20, your mom drove you to collage. You thanked her by saying good-bye to her outside the drom so you wouldn't have to say bye in front of your friends.

When you were 26, your mom payed for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world.

When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents became to children.

Then, one day, she quietly died and everything you did came crashing down on you.

If YOU love your mom, re-post this and if you don't, you won't care if your mom dies, will you?


Hush, little sister

Please don't cry

I wish I could be there

To sing you a lullaby

I can see your arms

Bloodied and bruised

That's strange, little sister

Mine were like that too

I know you scream

When Daddy's there

Hush, little sister

I know you're scared

I can see the way

He's hurting you

I'm sorry, little sister

He did that to me too

I know that people

Ignore what's going on at home

That makes me angry, little sister

You shouldn't have to be alone

Hey, little sister

You wanna know why I'm not there?

It's a sad story, little sister

But people should care

You see, little sister

One day Daddy got high

You were asleep in your crib

So you didn't hear my cry

He screamed at me

And smashed my head against the door

While you slept, little sister

I died on the floor

You know, little sister

I don't think that I would have died

If someone had only bothered

To listen to my cries

But hush, little sister

Daddy's coming home

Quick, get into bed

You don't want him to find you alone

I'm sorry little sister

He's in a bad mood

Run while you can

Uh oh little sister

He's lifting his belt

Scream while you can, little sister

Call for help

Hush little sister

You don't need to cry

No one can hurt you

You're in my arms tonight.

--Unknown.

CHILD ABUSE IS SICK AND WRONG. PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE IF YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY.


Ladies, things to say to men with bad pick up lines!

Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?

Woman: All trespassers will be shot.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together

Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes, they're amazing.

Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Woman: Did it hurt when you were dropped on your head repeatedly as a baby?

Man: Can I borrow your phone? I have to call God and tell him one of his angels is missing!

Woman: Can I borrow yours? I have to report that the mental hospital is missing one of its patients.

Man: You're too pretty to be single.

Woman: And you're too ugly to be flirting with me.

Man: Do you have a band-aid, 'cause I scraped my knee falling for you.

Woman: Do you, 'cause I scraped my knee running away from you.

Man: Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a mini-skirt?

Woman: Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma?

Man: I want to give myself to you.

Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: I'd go through anything for you.

Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?

Woman: It's in the phone book.

Man: But I don't know your name.

Woman: That's in the phone book too.

Man: I know how to please a woman

Woman: Then please leave me alone

Man: I can tell you want me

Woman: Ohhhhh, you’re so right, I want you to leave

Man: My pretty face is leaving in ten minutes. Please, be on it.

Woman: Really, then it will be to smack you.


Know You’re Obsessed With Percy Jackson When…

-You go to the Empire State Building and you ask for the 600th Floor.

-There’s a thunderstorm going on and you scream, “CALM DOWN, ZEUS!”

-Every time you use the Internet, you thank Hermes.

-When you see Harry Potter, you think of Percy with glasses.

-You burn food to see if it smells good.

-You see an owl, you go, “Hi Athena!”

-Everyone else is creating a Twilightfamily and you create a PJO family.

-You go on a cruise and you hope the boat isn’t The Princess Andromeda…

-You sometimes try to control water.

-You don't read anything but PJO for 3 months.

-You've gone to Google maps and looked up Camp Half-Blood’s address.

-Even though notdiagnosed, you claim you have ADHD or dyslexia and blame it on your God parent.

-You yell "Annabeth!" everytime you see a NY Yankees hat.

-You make the PJO characters on Sims, as Miis on the Wii, and other video games.

-Anytime you see an orange shirt, you look at the front of it to see if it is a Camp shirt.

-You are a PJO character for Halloween.

-Recite lines randomly from the books.

-When you see/hear about anything myhtology-related, you talk about how it was in PJO (what page, book, etc.) and what happened to it.(all the time!)

-Buy anything New York or San Francisco-related.

-You are suddenly obsessed with Adidas shoes because they have the Hermes symbol.

-You claim that Percy IS real and lives in New York no matter how much your friends argue with you.

-You have dreams about PJO characters/events

-You carry a ballpoint pen in your pocket.

-That everytime you pick up a pen, you think it'll turn into a sword.

-In the beginning of your first History class, you burst out "Will we be studying Greek mythology?!"

-You pretend (or actually) faint when someone asks "Who's Percy?"

-When someone mentions the name Percy (like Percy Weasley) you scream "JACKSON!"

-You are known to scream names of the characters at random times.

-You've got any copy of any book in all your backpacks/binders in case of emergencies

-And when you flunk said test, you blame Athena's irritation on Percabeth.

-You make a list of characters never to anger, like this one and why: Thalia- Want her for your friend, hate her for your enemy. also shes a hunter, her aim with an arrow is very accurate... Athena- She scares Percy more than Zeus. Also, she cannot be distracted and her plans always work. Hades- Um, this one is rather obvious- also you might not be buried with a drachma in your pocket. Hermes- Cutting off your internet access would be slow and painful torture. Also I blame the economy crisis on Luke's stealing federal funds. Aphrodite- She's preoccupied with Percabeth and trust me I dont want to waste her time!

-You write fanfiction constantly, even when you're not at your computer. - You give all your siblings god parents - You call the "Ares kids", or school bullies, Martians. - You quiz fellow fans on the minor gods and win. - You spend time doing pointless research at , just because Rick Riordan linked it on his site. - You still think Thuke could happen (Actually I don't but.. I think Thalico will happen.).

You plan several statements to avoid Apollo's lines and remember he's a player, should he ever hit on you, and several ways to get out of being cursed.

You imagine the gods alone, and what they really do on the Superbowl.

You read page 203 of BotL over and over again or say the lines in your head (PERCABETH!!)

You know exactly what someone means when they say LT, SoM, TC, BotL, tLO PJO and use it in conversations.

You find yourself saying things like "Oh my gods!" and "What the Hades?"


Aww!

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose: me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says:

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile


Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver.

When life gives you lemons . . . make grape juice, and watch the world wonder how you did it. (OR) squirt 'em in peoples' eyes!

Be insane- well behaved people never made history.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled ' Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden'..and thus the word GOLF entered into the English Language. (Sexist Jerks)


A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before.

When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one question.

Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God?

Even when you can't see Him, GOD is there! Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorit: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"


If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the PJO series is the best series ever paste this to your profile

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile

If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile

If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile

If you think Hades or Artemis are cool (not dating though), copy and past this to your profile

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" things, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have an exceedingly long profile because of copy/paste items, copy this into your profile to make it even longer


Twelve ways to know you're in love:

TWELVE:

You walk really slow when you're with them.

ELEVEN: You feel shy whenever they're around.

TEN: You smile when you hear their voice.

NINE: When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him.

SEVEN They're all you think about.

SIX: You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.

FIVE: You would do anything just to see them.

FOUR: While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.

THREE: You just smiled because it's true.

TWO: You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number eight was missing.

ONE: You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.

If this is happend to u (like it did to me) copy and paste it to your page


Month one

Mommy I am only 8 inches long

but I have all my organs.

I love the sound of your voice.

Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs.

The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb.

If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby.

I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.

It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy

I'm a boy!

I hope that makes you happy.

I always want you to be happy.

I don't like it when you cry.

You sound so sad. It makes me sad too.

I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy my hair is starting to grow.

It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it.

I spend a lot of my time exercising.

I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes

and stretch my arms and legs.

I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.

Mommy, he lied to you.

He said that I'm not a baby.

I am a baby Mommy, your baby.

I think and feel.

Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.

I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless.

Something is intruding my home.

The doctor called it a needle.

Mommy what is it? It burns!

Please make him stop!

I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy I am okay.

I am in Jesus's arms.

He is holding me.

He told me about abortion.

Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just:

One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak.

If you want abortion to end now, post this in your profile!


Dear bullies,
See that boy doing his homework in homeroom? Last night he Talked his friend out of suicide.
See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself.
See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country.
See that young boy you must made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow cause his family is too poor.
See that girl you made fun of for wearing lots of make-up? You bullied her for being ugly without it too.

Re-Post this if you are against bullying. I bet 95% of you won't. Your life would probably not be as harsh as theirs!


Annabeth : It's hard to believe you can teleport using a stick.

Hermione : This isn't a stick. It's a wand. You're the one to say. A cap that makes you disappear?

Annabeth : It's simple physics. Now tell me what is the science on the splitting of souls.

Hermione : Only after you explain to me the lack of DNA in all of you guys.

Annabeth : After you explain how to make things float with words and a wand.

Hermione : After you explain how a watch can become a giant shield.

Annabeth: After you explain how you fly around on a broomstick.

Hermione: After you explain how you can travel using shadows.

Annabeth: That's not unusual!

Hermione : Neither is Quidditch!

Annabeth : Actually...

Hermione : At least our boyfriends don't sparkle.

Annabeth : Right!

Bella : HEY!


95% percent of girls would cry their hearts out if Justin Beiber were to jump off a cliff. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you would be one of the 5% who would bring popcorn.


A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

God created man-THEN had a better idea and created women!

Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over.

The tooth fairy teaches kids it's okay to sell body parts.

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours.

It's okay Pluto. I'm not a planet either.

If people were all meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.

On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin.

I was going to kill the ugliest person alive but then i thought I'd let your mom live one more day.

Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.

You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.

I have animal magnetism-- when I go outside, squirrels stick to my sleeves.

Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.

Forecast for tonight: darkness

If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do?

I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

How come when you mix water with flour, you get glue and then when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go?

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die.

Hell is full of musical amateurs.

I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes.

If you had a life you would stop talking about mine

Don't make me angry, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop!

Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.

There is no great genius without a mixture of madness

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.

Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.

PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking

At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh?

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah!

Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway.

I have a dream and in it, something eats you.

Its sad your own mom dresses you like that.

Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the hell are you scared?!

Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy. You right there! Do you like tacos?

Making us all wish we were blind:Speedo.

Worst time to have a heart attack; during a game of charades.

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.

"To be is to do" Socrates "To do is to be" Sartre "Do be do be do." Sinatra

You're a great friend, but if the zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping you.

Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI!

Jesus saves. Passes to Moses, he shoots, he scores!!

I'm not random! I'm just--HEY LOOK! A SQUIRREL!!!

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GORGEOUS? I stare, I smile and when I get tired I put the mirror down!

Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, you write on walls and you get poked by people you don't know!

Dear math: I am not a therapist. So solve your own problems.

I want to kill the sexiest person alive, but suicides a crime.

I wish I had Dora's parents… They let that girl go everywhere!

I called your boyfriend "gay" and he hit me with his purse!

When a lady had a nice time with a guy, she looks forward to the next moment, and the guy looks forward to the next chick.

I am proud of myself. I finished the puzzle in just 6 months while the box said 2 to 4 years.

I'm not lazy… I'm just conserving energy!

Girls spend the first ten years of their lives playing with Barbies, and the next ten years trying to look like one.

No ociffer! I ain't toxercatered! - My dad

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . .

I decided to burn lots of calories today, so I set a fat kid on fire.

I want to merge My Space, Facebook, You Tube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

Just because I'm cute doesn't mean I'm harmless.

If you've ever threatened to exterminate your younger siblings, Copy/paste this on your profile, then grab the weapon of your choice and follow me.

If the dark side has cookies and the light side has chocolate, does the middle have chocolate cookies? Go Middle!!

People who don't know me think I'm quiet...people who DO know me wish I was.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

My mom: It smells like manure! My dad's quoted answer: You just don't appreciate the smell of nature! My un-voiced opinion: Nature smells a lot like cow poop.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

There's nothing wrong with talking to random objects. It's when they start to talk back that you need to worry.

Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner.

Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is.

Wanna hear a joke? Miley Cyrus.

The below statement is true.

The above statement is false.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

I don't get it...boys think girls are so complicated. Haven't they met themselves?

If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you.

I ROCK! Guitar hero told me.

I tried being normal, but I didn't like it.

There are two things that are infinite. The universe and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the universe.

Flying is not inherently dangerous--crashing is.

The trouble with real life is that there is no background music.

Hey stupid! Your sock is untied...

If my calculations are correct...slinkies plus escalator = EVERLASTING FUN!!

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face.

DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S...tell your friends.

Three hundred sixty-four days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers. Yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

So what if we act like immature idiots? We're having fun.

You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium. My work here is done.

Your laughing now because your older than me by mere months, but when your 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

When you're in jail, a friend will visit you, a good friend will bail you out, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying, "Dang, that was fun! Let's do it again!"

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

Being mature is overrated.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it . . .

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

Silence is golden . . . duct tape is silver.

Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never gotten hit by a dictionary.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

When life gives you lemons, ask for the receipt.

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out.

What hair color do they put down on the driver's licenses of a bald man?

When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.

I'm not littering . . . just donating to the Earth.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months.

What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

I used up all my sick days at work so I'm calling in dead.

Be nice to your kids. They choose your nursing home.

Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruit.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger" And then it hits me.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

Yes I do use my hairbrush as a microphone and dance around my room in my underwear, thank you very much.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.

Smile: it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep.

The extinction of the dinosaurs was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.

Newscasters are the people who say, "Good Evening," then proceed to tell you why it's not.

Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried to slam a revolving door.

Dear America, Since you have unleashed on us the horror that is Miley Cyrus, we have decided to retaliate. Its name is Justin Beiber, and no one will be spared. Sincerely, Canada.

We live in an age where the pizza guy gets to your house before the police do.

I'm not prejudiced! I hate everyone equally!

Flying is simple: Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!

Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

I swear Mario is a hobo. He wakes up every day in the same clothes, runs around in sewers collecting coins, and to buy what? MUSHROOMS!

Ever noticed that "studying" is "student" and "dying" put together?

Dear Guy-Sitting-Next-To-Me: Yeah, I see you copying me. But jokes on you. I didn't study either.

When I die, friends will go to my funeral, good friends will cry at my funeral, but my best friend will change my Facebook status to "Chillin' With Jesus."

It's always the last place you look... Of course it is! Why the Hades would I look after I already found it?!

Anyone else having trouble getting to Narnia?


Yeah, I'm the idiot who:

Throws mushrooms at a midget shouting, "Grow, Mario! Grow!" &

throws my parrot at my piggy bank screaming, "ANGRY BIRDS!"


if electricty comes from electrons does that mean morality comes from morons

when life hands you lemons throw them back and say make your own dang lemonade!

P.E.M.D.A.S.- Please Excuse My Dope Ass Swag!

when you die in an elevator rember to press the UP! BUTTON

95% of teens would be crying if Justin Bieber was on a 100 ft tall building about to jump. If you are some of the 5% who brought popcorn and friends, copy and paste this into your profile

98% of teens would be screaming and crying if the Jonas Brothers were on the top of the Empire State Building, preparing to jump. If you're one of the 2% who would bring 3-D glasses, popcorn, and gather all of your friends to start chanting "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!", copy this into your profile.

Justin Bieber falls off a building. 90% of the girls are crying. 9% are watching while eating popcorn. 1% are pushing Justin off the building. If you are part of that 9 or 1%, copy and paste this into your profile. ( I'm the 1%)

95% of girls would scream if Justin Bieber went missing: Paste this on your profile if you're one of the 5% who would smile and poke your new prisoner with a stick.


ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash/)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)


"The capital of Wyoming is 'W'! :3 "

"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone."


Random Sayings:

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend...because they're shaper then knives.

ADOST: Attention Deficit-Ohh Shiny Thing

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

God made men first, then he had a better idea!

Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we continue flying...on broomsticks.

You know you're a geek when procrastination doesn't affect your grades.

Relax. Nothing is ok.

Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.

Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

If you can stay calm when everything around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?"

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive.

Whoever said "words don't hurt" have obviously never had a hard-backed encyclopedia hurled at their head.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Robbers stab you in the stomach. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. Friends stab you in the back. Best friends poke you with straws.

Earth is full. Go home.

Flying is very simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

PMS - Possible Murder Suspect

As I lay in bed looking at the twinkling stars above me, I think, "Where the hell is my ceiling?"

I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice!

Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.

I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Smile. It scares people.

An overly-positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it!

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life? WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train.

Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

People say I've lost my sanity, but I can't lose what I never had.

The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...

You're just jealous 'cause the voices talk to me not you

Nine out of the ten voices in my head agree that I'm insane. The tenth is off chasing cars.

The voices in my head don’t like you.

If you think I'm crazy you should meet my mother.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

When your mom leaves you in the car alone for a few minutes, everyone outside immediately become rapist.

Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window or break down a door.

I used to have a life but, that was before video games! (and fanfiction)

The evening news always starts off by saying 'Good Evening' and then proceed to tell you exactly why it isn't.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected?

Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is.

The dumber people think you are , the more surprised they're going to be when your kill them!

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Never doubt the power of an extremely pissed off woman

Life is like a pack of gum . . . I've yet to figure out why.

Be insane . . . because well behaved girls never made history.

If your name is Mr.Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing up is optional . . .

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, I just have many thougt- OH! A DUCK!

I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.

Brunettes make better psychos ;)

Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge.

WARNING: Jumping into toxic waste does not give you super powers

BAD spellers of the world 'UNTIE!

I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but then it gets boring, so I go back to being me.

When nothing goes right... go left.

I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me.

It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up.

OOOH.. DRAMA! Let's get popcorn!

Do NOT interrupt me when I am talking to myself.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems...

Do it today! It might be illegal tomorrow!

You! Off my planet!

The first sign of madness is talking to yourself. The second is when the voices in your head answer back.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid

No, I won't go to Hell! It has a restraining order against me.

And to think you are the result of millions of years of evolution.

There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.

Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Not all men are annoying. . . . Some are dead.

Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

Make like a guillotine and head off.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

I stopped fighting my inner demons quite some time ago. We're on the same side now.

If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends.

I got you a present; it's a CD. I hope you haven't got it, because I don't have a receipt... and I didn't exactly buy it...

If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.

All work and no play means you will die in seven days... dun dun duuun.

I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.

Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.

WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

If I throw a stick, will you go away?

Best friends know how stupid you are and still choose to be with you in public.

I am NOT saying you’re stupid...I'm just implying it.

Don't try to out-weird me-- I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

You say 'crazy' like it's a bad thing.

I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do, kill me?

When in doubt, make up words!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'? Congress? Thought so.

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em. If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

If the music's too loud...you're too old

When life throws you lemons...YOU THROW THE LEMONS IN LIFE'S FACE AND DEMAND FOR CUPCAKES!

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Anatidaephobia: the fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

Please do not annoy the writer. She may put you in a book and kill you.


Facts of Life:

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Percabethtatorship.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Percabeth moment is worth 1 billion words.

When taking the SAT, write "Percabeth" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Rick Riordan once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 100% chance of Percabeth.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not a Percabeth shipper.

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Percabeth never dies.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Percabeth.

All roads lead to Percabeth. And by the transitive property, total awesomeness.

President Roosevelt said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And pairings that go against Percabeth."

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Percabeth.

There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Percabeth . . . just kidding. Percabeth is first.

There are two types of people in the world . . . people that suck, and Percabeth shippers.

Only Percabeth can prevent forest fires.

The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by a Percabeth shipper. (OR but only if the pen is riptide.)

Most people know that Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, ". . . a Percabeth shipper."

He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Percabeth . . . dies.

People have often asked the United States, "What is your secret weapon against terrorists?" We simply reply . . . Percabeth.

Some people say that Percabeth is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.


Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google

Dear 6,
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys eat some pretty nasty things.
Sincerely, 7

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Impossible,
Screw you. I just made a campfire underwater.
Sincerely,
SpongeBob

Dear Voldemort,

So they screwed up your nose too?

Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear Math,

I'm sick of trying to find your ex. He doesn't want you anymore!

Sincerely, Everyone Who Struggles in Math


Something everyone should remember: Emmett is the strongest. Edward is the fastest. But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make you feel jealous.

I keep trying to kidnap Jasper but every time I try Alice is at his window with a bat waiting for me. How does she kn- oooh...riiiiight

Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends.

It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up.

OOOH.. DRAMA! Let's get popcorn!

Do NOT interrupt me when I am talking to myself.

Do it today! It might be illegal tomorrow!

You! Off my planet!

The first sign of madness is talking to yourself. The second is when the voices in your head answer back.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid

There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.

Not all men are annoying. . . . Some are dead.

I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips. (I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT)

A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.

Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: I'm too old for glow in the dark stickers

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I see regular people! Run for your lives!

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

Smile. It confuses people.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

OK, so you know the speed of light. If you were smart you would know the speed of dark.

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

There is such thing as a glass that never breaks. Its called plastic.

Life, is like God's way of kicking your sorry butt out of heaven and yelling, "AND DON'T COME BACK!!"

Death, is like God's way of dragging you back up to heaven by your collar, mumbling, "Okay, I think you've done enough damage..."

"Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.."

"I'm not a psycho, I'm a freaking retard. DUH"

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Sometimes when I'm alone in a room I like to say, “I know you’re listening” because if I'm wrong then no one heard, but if I'm right then I just freaked the heck out of some secret organization.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

The things you hear about me might be true, but they can be as fake as the bitch who told you.

I AM IN SHAPE. and yes... Circle is a shape...

The weirdest thing happened, I woke up with tears in my eyes and one rolling down my cheek. I knew I must've been dreaming of you. (AWs)

Best friends: we're the kind of BFFs that would laugh at a joke 3 times. Once for when the joke is being told. Second time when someone explains to us. And five minutes later when we actually understand the joke.

Strangers think I'm quiet. Friends think I'm out-going. My BFF knows that I'm an insane idiot.

When you feel that no one loves you; no one cares for you; everyone is ignoring you; and people are jealous of you, you should really ask yourself. Am I too sexy?

So here's to, the crap we talk, the guys we stalk, the way we shop, laughs we can't stop, the gossip we spill, the looks we could kill, we'll stay together, because we're best friends forever!! (this one's for my BFFS)

We're not sarcastic, we're hilarious. We're not annoying, we're just cooler than you. We're not bitches, we just dont like you. We're not obsessed, we're BFF's. (also for my BFFS)

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

Jesus loves you! But everyone else thinks you're a jerk.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

I bet I can stop gambling.

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good

24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once. Never opened. Small stain

Caution: I know karate...and six other Chinese words.

One minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder those sluts are so skinny?!?

I asked Santa for the sexiest person alive for Christmas...I woke up in a box.

We live in the era of the smart phones and stupid people.

After Tuesday, even the calender goes W T F.

Do you ever get that feeling you're being watched? Because if it bothers you, I'll stop.

Don't judge me because I'm quiet. No one plans a murder out loud.

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and are like: "Hey, what are you doing?" Oh, you know, hunting elephants.

Everyone has the right to be stupid. But you are abusing the privilege.

Everyone brings joy to my house (some when they enter, some when they leave).

ME, sarcastic? Never...

My Ex had one very annoying habit: breathing.

In Mario, what doesn't kill you makes you smaller.

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd laugh and search with them. Yes, I'm just that broke.

Dear haters, I couldn't help but notice how 'awesome' ends with me and 'ugly' starts with you.

No, I'm not lying, but when you look at me like that, I can't help but smile.

That mini heart attack you have when you reach in your pocket and can't find your phone. (Happens to me ALL the time!!!)

I don't care what your gender is, I'm calling you dude!

Me: I'm actually happy right now.

Life: LOL! One sec...

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one. Break their bones instead. They have 206.

Sleep is for the people without access to the internet.

Christmas cards: You get dressed up in clothes that you NEVER wear, to go to exotic places where you NEVER go, to hug your family like you NEVER do, to send to people you don't like ANYWAY!

My friend: Happiness is just around the corner.

Me: The world is round, you idiot!

"Algebra I'm not going to find your X. She's not coming back!"

Please note: Christmas is cancelled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing.

If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain" - Unknown

"Sometimes you just really have to punch someone, you know?"- Unknown

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

Never argue with a pissed off me, I'll drag you down to the floor and beat you with a baseball bat.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

(Say to a boy:) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

I'm the type of girl that manages to plan a whole world domination in Histroy class.

It's us versus the world...we attack at dawn!

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?

Real friends don't let you do stupid things... alone.

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

Don't tell me you're going to rain on my parade. 'Cause I don't have a parade. I have a party!

This is 'evil me'. 'Evil me' locked 'nice me' in a closet years ago.

Question: Do you know who I am?
Answer: No, Why? Have you forgotten?

You: Go to Hell!
Me: See you there.

You: OMG did you just fall?
Me: No the ground just came up and smacked me in my face!

Tell me ... is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?

You sound better with your mouth closed.

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

Oh… I didn’t tell you… Then it must be none of your business.

“I’d insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand and if I tried to explain it to you, your brain might implode from information overload.”

"Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about the cookies?
Come to the light side. We have ICE CREAM!
Welcome to the light side. Heh, sorry, we're out of ice cream."

Sometimes, I sit and wonder what everything would be like if my life was the Percy Jackson series. Crazy, adventurous, love-filled, and exciting. Then I look at my real life and go "Wow, you really have a crappy, boring life."


Bitch Quotes:

If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cabbitch.

Why are hoes like, "Oh, it's winter, I need a boyfriend to keep me warm."? No, bitch, you need to by a coat.

Life's a bitch, then you marry one.

When the smart kid at school corrects me, I'm like, "Bitch, I can burn your house down!"

So, you're the bitch that told the bitch that I'm a bitch. Well, listen bitch, it takes a bitch to know a bitch, bitch!

I'm not a bitch, I'm THE bitch, and it's Ms. Bitch to you!

If you don't have anything nice to say... say it anyways. That bitch needs to hear the truth.

Love has made me the woman I am today,and will also make me the bitch I will be tomorrow.

You say I should be straight, I say taste the rainbow! bitch!

Lets face it bitch. You are jealous of me and you hate me because you know I'm so much better than you.

B.I.T.C.H: Beautiful Individuals that Create Haters

The rumors you heard about me may be true. But then again they might be as FAKE as the bitch that told you!

'All girls are the same'? bitch no. Maybe the slags you flirt with and then get rejected by are.

I swept the shelves of merchandise, mopped the floors with savings. Then plowed through the bitch who tried to cut me in line. I cleaned on Black Friday.

I gave that bitch a plunger, 'cause bitches love bringing up old shit.

Sorry I offended you when I called you a bitch. I had no idea you thought it was a secret.

I'm 10% sugar, 10% spice, but I'm 80% b*ch so you better be nice!!!

Smiling at the bitch who hates you.

Don't mess with someone else's relationship just because you can't get one.

I don't hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank.

When you're talking to your friend and you stop mid-sentence because the b*tch you don't like, walks by.

No bitch fit, just a fit bitch. Who only drive bitch to make me feel terrific.

Bitch please. You're as useless as the G in Lasagna.

They say love is more important than money. bitch, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?

I'm allergic to haters. Side Affects: May cause me to slap a bitch.

Something to remember: Karma is only a bitch if you are...

Damn bitch. Replace your chapstick with a glue stick and stfu.

That moment when you hear someone call your bestfriend their bestfriend and you're like...Ummmmmmm no bitch. (TRUE STORY! HAPPENS ALL THE TIME! ASK DramaQueen1649 if you don't believe me!)

A fuck nigga, that's that shit I don't like, nah. A snitch nigga, that's that shit I don't like, nah. A bitch nigga, that's that shit I don't like, nah. Sneak dissers that's that shit I don't like. (Chief Keif!)

Facebook: Where bitches bitch about other bitches being bitches.

They say lifes a bitch. Well you should see the look shes giving me.

I wish fire trucks and ambulances played, 'Move bitch! Get out the way!' instead of using sirens.

Maybe Karma wouldn't be so nasty if we stopped calling her a bitch.

No girl wants to be called a b*tch, but once you put the word 'bad' in front of it, these girls feel honored.

Witch, twitch, bitch! God, mother's right, this is World War 6.


This hostage stuff is fun'-Alice Cullen

'Alice had a little too much fun fabricating evidence...'-Edward Cullen

'Does my being half-naked bother you?'-Jacob Black

'Speaking of Italy and sports cars I stole there, you still owe me a yellow porshe.'-Alice Cullen

'Oh how the tables have turned'-Joe Jonas

'Alice is an unstoppable force of nature.'

Emmett: I gotta get home for the game

Alice: They lose

Emmett: Fuck you Alice, fuck you!

I never got my letter from Hogwarts so I'm moving to Forks to live with the Cullens.

Jacob Black eats the Jonas Brothers for breakfast.

I kissed a vampire and I liked it.

Jasper Hale laughs at your mood ring.

Do that again and I will give you a paper cut right in front of Jasper.

I want to LaPush Jacob Black off a cliff.

Renesmee, Jacob made out with your mom...twice.

Our friendship is tighter than the Jo Bros pants.

Twilight without Jasper is to Harry Potter without Fred!

When Voldi kills you, you come back as a vampire...fact!

Cullen Law: Humans are friends, not food.

Eagerly awaiting Midnight Sun!

Warning: The movie Twilight may cause excessive drooling, shock and awe, desire, lust, passion, and quite possibly a heart attack. Summit Entertainment and the owners of this theater cannot be held liable because you've seen the pictures of the cast and know how hot Robert Pattinson is. Enjoy the movie and do please turn your damn cell phones off.


Why do we need school?

Music: we have YOUTUBE for that.

Sports: there's a Wii.

Spanish: there's Dora.

English: everything's shortened anyway (LOL, BRB, IDK)

Math: that's why we have calculators.

Geography: I'll buy a globe.

History: they're all dead.


kissing is healthy. bananas are good for period pain. it's good to cry. chicken soup actually makes you feel better.94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers. lying is actually unhealthy. you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes. it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you.89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move. it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed. chocolate will make you feel better. most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. a good friend never judges. a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any. boys aren't worth your tears. we all love surprises. Now... make a wish. Wish REALLY hard!!WISH WISH WISH WISH! Your wish has just been received. Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and...Your wish will be granted


Scary-a.. thing.. This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted," Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiilling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Lucillia


Take three minutes and try this...it will freak you out...BUT NO CHEATING! This game has a funny/spooky outcome. Don't read ahead...just do it in order! It's worth a try. First...get a pen and paper. When you actually choose names, make sure you know the person and go with your first instinct. Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it!

1. First, write down the numbers 1 through 11 in a column.

2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2 write down any two numbers you want.

3. Beside 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex.

4. Write down anyone's name (like friends or family) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots.

5. Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10, and 11. (Go with your instincts.)

6. Finally, make a wish.

MY LIST

1. 15

2. 3

3. Seth

4. Kendall

5. Charlie

6. Ariel

7. T'Challa

8. I Knew You Were Trouble

9. American Idiot

10. Don't Push Me

11. Love On Top

Wish: I wish I was a demi-god with awesome powers!!!

ARE YOU DONE?

And now the key for the game...

1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game.

2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love.

3. The person in 7 is the one you like but can't work out.

4. You care most about the person you put in 4.

5. The person you named in number 5 is the who knows you very well.

6. The person you named in 6 is your lucky star.

7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.

8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.

9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.

10. 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life.

NOW...post this bulletin (don't reply) within the hour. IF you do, your wish will come true...If you don't it will become the opposite.


32 Things That Bougie People Like:

1. Milk products that come from basically anyplace but cows. That’s pretty bougie. I’m talking rice milk, soy milk, almond milk, sheep’s milk, goat’s milk. Why isn’t regular milk good enough for people anymore?

2. Virtually anything artisanal. I bet you they don’t have anything artisanal at the local Big Lots. Why does bougie food need to be so precious that artisans have to craft it before it hath be edible?

3. Regular, everyday foods that get bouge-ified. Like apples. An apple is something that just grows on a tree and you can just pluck it and eat it right there. That’s the point. But did you know that for $30 you can get a singlegourmet apple covered in various artesian chocolates and sprinkles? A $30 apple!

4. Lexus. A Lexus is a bougie car because it’s not nearly as plebeian as a Ford or a Kia, which is worse. But a Lexus is not quite at the level of a BMW or Mercedes. My cousins and I make fun of my mom because she recently got a Lexus, and she is very happy to explain to us non-Lexus owners how top of the line it is. We’re all, “Um, sit down, Bougie Betty. It’s not that hot.”

5. Unpaid Internships. Doing an unpaid internship in any industry is kind of bougie because it means, Hey, I can afford to work for absolutely no money! I know it’s hard to make it in this economy without getting your foot in the door somewhere, but still.

6. Coach bags. Coach bags are bougie because it’s luxury that’s not really luxury. But let’s not get lost in semantics. You can buy them at the mall, so I mean…

7. Ivy League Schools/Liberal Arts Colleges. Bougie people love liberal arts colleges and fancy East Coast schools because it gives them something to casually slide into conversations at dinner parties, which are also bougie. Somehow we think a glorified piece of paper that says you were in this place for four years and had threesomes with a billionaire and did cocaine with a famous person’s son makes you better than somebody who did the same thing at SUNY ONEONTA.

8. Dinner parties. Dinner parties are a bougie person’s wet dream because it’s the chance to show off those brand new Eames chairs (or the IKEA knockoffs, also bougie) and to break out the goblets with the family crest.

9. Private high schools. Is there any reason to have a $200,000 education before you even set foot in a college seminar?

10. Fighting to get your two year old into the most selective pre, pre-school in New York/LA/wherever. I know, I know — the delicate genius must becultivated.

11. The New Yorker. I feel so bougie every time I crack open The New Yorker, which I obviously only read on my iPad.

12. Asking people if they read “that article” in The New Yorker.

13. Art openings. There’s something automatically bougie about trying to explain a work of art so profound it cannot be understood by the lay people.

14. Anderson Cooper.

15. Designer Coffee. I don’t drink coffee, but the coffee drinkers I know take that black liquid very seriously. My friend once tried to order an Americano at a fancy coffee shop in Brooklyn that shall remain nameless. The barista refused. “We don’t make that.” Dang.

16. Brunch.

17. Rose champagne. Because a $500 bottle of liquid is always a great idea!

18. Ascots.

19. Whole Foods. There’s something magical about the ambiance at Whole Foods that gets you thinking, “Everything in here is going to uplift my spirits and make me a much better person.”

20. Electric cars.

21. Organic/free range foods.

22. Foreign languages. Knowing a foreign language is so bougie. Especially if it’s one nobody speaks, like Greek or Old French.

23. The most expensive things in any category. The more expensive it is, the better. $4 juices, $30 apples. Not paying less than $70 for dinner.

24. Opera. Opera is so bougie — the bougiest place to take a nap.

25. Foods that can’t be pronounced.

26. Seersucker pants. I mean, what else are you supposed to wear to St. Barts? Also bougie? Knowing about St. Barts.

27. Season tickets.

28. Anything with a designer logo plastered all over it. Louis Vuitton bags with the LV all over it. Marc Jacobs bags with the BIG label on it. We get it, we get it: you have LOTS of credit card debt.

29. Connecticut. Connecticut is so bougie — Yale, Wesleyan, Greenwich, Guilford. Overpriced antique markets. Beach houses.

30. Caring about the environment: recycling, getting a paper bag instead of a plastic one OR bringing your own bag. So bougie.

31. Lists.

32. Telling people, “I went to a small school outside of Boston.”


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!


Hunger Games Addict’s Prayer:

I promise to remember Rue

When mockingbirds’ songs wake me

I’ll think of Foxface every time

I eat a strange new berry

If my little sister pets a goat

I promise to think of Prim

And if my best friend acts depressed

Then Gale; I’ll think of him

When I toss some wood in the fire

I’ll think of Katniss every time

And I’ll always think of Peeta

When my birthday cake’s sublime

The Capitol will cross my mind

When someone is unfair

I’ll be sure to think of Clove

Each time I pretend to care

I’ll always think of Glimmer

If someone’s pretty, but a dunce

And Thresh will occupy my mind

If I spare someone, something... Once

Whenever I watch a reality show

I will think of the Hunger Games

I’ll always picture Haymitch

Whenever someone calls me names

I swear to think of Cato

When homicidally inclined

I’ll make sure I think of Effie

When there’s nothing on my mind

Yes, I swear to remember the Hunger Games

And Catching Fire, too

And Mockingjay


THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE BOOK AND THE MOVIE

1. Since when can Poseidon show up outta the water really huge and MADE outta water, then shrink?
2. Why did Zeus and Poseidon have that meeting?
3. Since when does Yancy have a pool?
4. Yancy's name isn't mentioned.
5. Why's Grover black? (no racism)
6. Why's it high school?
7. Where's Nancy Bobofit?
8. When is Mrs. Dodds an ENGLISH teacher?
9. Since when is she a SUBSTITUTE teacher?
10. Don't they start the book at the field trip?
11. Since when can Percy read Greek like *snaps fingers* that?
12. When is Grover such a perv?
13. How come he's not a scrawny little kid?
14. Why does he have crutches?
15. Mrs. Dodds wanted to see Percy because he used his powers. In the movie, she just randomly does it.
16. Chiron throws Percy Riptide.
17. Riptide's not a clicky pen, it has a cap
18. Mrs. Dodds is supposed to turn to ashes and monster dust.
19. Chiron is supposed to take Riptide back.
20. The mist is supposed to affect everyone into thinking there's someone called Mrs. Kerr.
21. Percy's supposed to have a Latin exam.
22. Percy's supposed to eavesdrop on Chiron and Grover.
23. What happened to the Fates?
24. Isn't Yancy a BOARDING SCHOOL? Meaning he doesn't go home at the end of the day?
25. Grover hasn't met Gabe yet
26. When the heck did Percy turn 17?
27. When did Gabe do THAT??? (I will not say what THAT is for the children . . . *shudder*)
28. What happened to "Gabe's private study"?
29. What about Montauk?
30. What happened to the cabin at Montauk?
31. Grover doesn't reveal his goatliness until the cabin at Montauk.
32. Gabe's car's supposed to get totaled by a lightning bolt.
33. Since when does Percy enter camp with Grover?
34. Isn't Grover supposed to pass out?
35. Why does Percy still have Riptide?
36. Isn't Percy supposed to snap the horn off the Minotaur? It gets stuck in a tree.
37. Doesn't Percy pass out AFTER he drags Grover into camp?
38. Why does Grover drag Percy to camp and not the other way around?
39. Isn't he supposed to see Annabeth and Chiron before he blacks out?
40. Isn't Annabeth supposed to be taking care of him?
41. What happened to Argus?
42. Doesn't Annabeth interrogate him?
43. What about nectar and ambrosia?
44. Even though the deleted scene DID have nectar and ambrosia, Annabeth's not supposed to be there.
45. What about Dionysus?
46. The Minotaur horn?
47. Chiron explains everything, not Grover.
48. Isn't Chiron the only centaur at camp?
49. Isn't Grover supposed to be getting judged?
50. Why's everyone older than they really should be?
51. Doesn't Chiron show him the cabins? ALL the cabins?
52. How does he just automatically know Percy's a son of Poseidon?
53. Percy's supposed to stay at the Hermes cabin.
54. He's supposed to be introduced to Luke by Annabeth.
55. What happened to Clarisse?
56. Why didn't Percy become "the supreme lord of the bathroom"?
57. What happened to the barbecue dinner? Percy's FIRST dinner?
58. The sacrifices?
59. Magic goblets?
60. He's supposed to be on Annabeth's Capture the Flag team.
61. What happened to him pwning the Ares kids?
62. What happened to Annabeth's invisibility Yankees cap?
63. Why'd Percy pwn Annabeth?
64. Speaking of which, why'd he gawk at her while she was fighting?
65. What's with Grover flirting with the Aphrodites?
66. His pan pipes?
67. Whoa, what's with the really odd dinner?
68. What's with the nymphs flirting with Percy?
69. Since when does Hades come outta the fire like that?
70. What about Percy's dreams (the one at Montauk)?
71. What happened to the Oracle?
72. Percy doesn't sneak out, he gets assigned with the quest.
73. And why'd he play Capture the Flag right away? He's supposed to be at camp for a few -what, days, weeks? -to train.
74. And he's supposed to get claimed by Poseidon during Capture the Flag.
75. But first get attacked by a hellhound.
76. And since when do they go to Luke for help?
77. What happened to Thalia's pine?
78. Half Blood Hill?
79. Also, now that I'm on the topic, why'd Grover tag along on the car ride?
80. Didn't they already receive drachmas when they set off?
81. Grover's supposed to wear the winged shoes Luke gave, not Percy.
82. Don't they take a taxi to the Greyhound or some train like that?
83. Aren't they supposed to see Gabe on TV THERE, in a store window, not in some hotel?
84. When did Luke give Percy a shield?
85. Or a map?
86. Persephone's Pearls?
87. What happened to the Fury attack at the bus?
88. Aunty Em is supposed to feed them and make 'em drowsy and stuff.
89. Aunty Em's Garden Gnome Emporium is supposed to be OPEN, not abandoned.
90. Since when would Annabeth and Grover suggest nicking some free sodas?
91. Where'd that mortal come from?
92. They don't split up, they get offered a "photo op"
93. Percy's . . . kinda poor ish, how'd he get an iPod?
94. Why isn't Riptide's name ever mentioned?
95. Why isn't the Mist either there or explained?
96. Didn't Annabeth save Percy from being turned to stone?
98. HOW the frick do Grover and Annabeth drive that car through the wall? They're supposed to be 12!!
99. What happened to Percy's dream AGAIN? (this time about Kronos)
100. Didn't Percy send Medusa's head to Olympus?
101. Didn't he steal the drachmas and address from her office?
102. What about Gladiola the poodle?
103. That train ride?
104. Since when do they drive to a motel?
105. And Percy swims in a pool?
106. And they keep Medusa's head?
107. What about the Arch at St. Louis?
108. And the Chimera?
109. And the Echidna!
110. And Percy jumping off into the Mississippi?
111. The whole quest isn't about finding Persephone's pearls anyway.
112. What about the Nereid?
113. And meeting Ares?
114. And going to the Waterland park?
115. And Aphrodite's scarf?
116. Hephaestus' trap!
117. And the Kindness International truck?
118. And releasing a zebra into Vegas?
119. And the Lotus Hotel and Casino didn't have some lotus flower things.
120. It wasn't gambling or an actually "casino" casino, it was a kid's heaven.
121. And they didn't drive a car through the wall (AGAIN).
122. Or get attacked.
123. What happened to the cash cards?
124. And the taxi drive to the ocean?
125. Or meeting that Great White to the Nereid?
126. And REALLY getting the pearls there?
127. Where'd Crusty's Water Bed Palace go? How else do they find the DOA address?
128. The Underworld isn't behind the Hollywood sign.
129. Where'd the DOA go?
130. And Charon's supposed to be in a waiting room wearing Italian silk suits, not just standing there.
131. He doesn't burn some money.
132. He doesn't even GET money, besides being bribed by drachmas!
133. They're supposed to run into Cerberus.
134. Since when is Persephone a total pervert and a flirt?
135. And has pet hellhounds?
136. Heck, she's not even supposed to BE in the Lightning Thief!
137. Annabeth's supposed to use a rubber ball and distract Cerberus.
138. They're supposed to go to Tartarus.
139. The shoes that GROVER is supposed to be wearing are supposed to be cursed.
140. And try to drag him into Tartarus.
141. When Percy meets Hades, he's supposed to have a robe of souls.
142. Hades' Helm of Darkness is supposed to be stolen too.
143. Hades doesn't really want the lightning bolt.
144. Or Persephone (who, again, is not supposed to BE there!)
145. Grover doesn't stay back.
146. Sally's supposed to stay back.
147. The bolt doesn't show up in his shield (which he isn't supposed to have anyway . . . )
148. It's supposed to show up in his pack.
149. Which was given by Ares, who, again, was NOT THERE.
150. They don't go directly to Olympus.
151. Percy's supposed to fight Ares.
152. He is not supposed to have an air battle against Luke.
153. Where the frick is Kronos mentioned anywhere?
154. Percy is supposed to wound Ares.
155. Percy is supposed to have a curse put on him by Ares.
156. Percy is supposed to get the Helm of Darkness back from Ares.
157. Percy's supposed to hand it over to the Furies.
158. When does Percy make a water trident and (supposedly) kill Luke?
159. He (Luke) is supposed to be under Kronos' control, not want revenge on Hermes.
160. Luke is supposed to still be at Camp.
161. Percy's supposed to fly on a plane.
162. He's supposed to go to Olympus alone.
163. He finds out his mom is back.
164. Not Grover, since he wasn't supposed to stay back in the first place.
165. Percy's supposed to go see her.
166. He's supposed to give her Medusa's head.
167. Sally's supposed to directly give it to Gabe as "meat loaf", not hide it in the fridge.
168. When Percy goes back to camp, there's supposed to be a celebration.
169. They're supposed to burn their shrouds.
170. They're supposed to wear laurels.
171.Gabe is supposed to have "disappeared off the face of the Earth".
172. On a completely unrelated note, Sally is supposed to have sold a "sculpture".
173. Then use that money to put a down payment on a new apartment and a semester at NYU.
174. At the 4th of July fireworks, Grover's supposed to say good bye to search for Pan.
175. Annabeth's supposed to explain the fireworks.
176. He's supposed to get his first camp necklace and bead.
177. Luke is supposed to try to kill him again with a pit scorpion.
178. Percy's supposed to almost die and then wake up in the infirmary again.
179. Annabeth's supposed to visit him with Chiron.
180. Annabeth's supposed get angry at Luke.
181. She's supposed to have sent a letter to her dad.
182. She's supposed to leave camp, not spar with Percy.
183. Annabeth doesn't flirt with Percy yet (though, if you squint, maybe)
184. Percy's supposed to leave Camp and go back home.
185. Annabeth has blonde hair.
186. Curly blonde hair.
187. And grey eyes.
188. Percy has green eyes.
189. Grover's supposed to be scrawny.
190. And have curly brown hair.
191. And a goatee (oh, the pun).
192. And acne.
193. And wear a floppy rasta cap.
194. With fake feet.
195. Why doesn't Annabeth act like she has a small crush on Luke? Or at least is really close to him!!
196. Where's her dagger?
197. Luke's scar?
198. And his quest?
199. And since when does Annabeth start shooting at people with sleep inducing arrows?
200. And since when does she roll with a bow and arrow?
201. Since when do they go to the Parthenon?
202. And fight a hydra? That's book two!
203. What the frick happened to the Great Prophecy, huh? Answer me that!!
204. Yo -where is the Iris Messaging??


Important Things I Learned From Rick Riordan

Even cat goddesses like growling at birds.

Underwater kisses are way better than normal ones.

The five elements are earth, air, fire, water, and cheese.

Children of rival gods can fall in love.

No one really knows why the Egyptians wrote without vowels.

Nemean lions can be defeated with freeze dried ice cream.

Eating fruit bats is bad for your health.

Contrary to popular belief, hellhounds can be domesticated.

The Set animal does not appreciate being named Leroy.

Yes, that twelve year old wearing a silver jacket is a goddess.

Jackal headed gods can be very attractive. (VERy, VERY Attractive!)

Math teachers really are evil.

Set's secret name is Evil Day. (Use this to your advantage...)

It's not easy to insult a daughter of Athena.

Elvis was a magician. No, really.

Do not trust the bald man who wants to sell you a water bed.

Hieroglyphics are fun to read.

A god of toilet paper can actualy be really cool.

Demons will give you free samples if you ask nicely.

If you hear a voice in your head, you're not crazy - you just have an uber-powerful god living inside you.


WHAT A KISS MEANS

Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready"
Kiss on the Forehead = "I hope we're together forever"
Kiss on the Ear = "You're my everything"
Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
Kiss on the Lips = "I love you"

What the gesture means...
Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other"
Slap on the Butt = "That's mine"
Holding on tight = "I don't want to let go"
Looking into each other's Eyes = "I just plain love you"
Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me"
Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go"
Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you"
picking someone up off their feet = "that they love them fully and would do anything for them"

--Advice--
Dont ask for a kiss, take one
If you were thinking about someone while reading this,
you're definitely in Love.

--Requirements--
Post this again after reading!!
Or you will have a bad year of Relationships.

If you LIKE, LOVE, OR MISS someone right now
and can't get them out of your head
then Re-post this within One Minute and Whoever you are missing will surprise you.
Repost this as what a kiss means


Here is Something I found on someones profile page--

I know I'm not perfect,
I know I'm a geek, in many ways,
I know I listen to "Weird" bands,
I know I like to read,
I know I like school, even teachers.

BUT:
I know I have true friends,
I know I'm loved,
I know who I love,
I know I can overcome ups and downs.
And I know who I am.

Anything else you'd like to throw at me?


Why America has some issues:[And yes, I AM American, but STILL...]

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.


Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents, if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts after using this product.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(But no peas?)

On an Amerian Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)


Ways to Annoy people at the movie theater:

Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.

Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! I like popcorn! Hahaha!" and run away.

Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino... ect.)

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own can of air freshener and spray it alot.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

Throw paper-spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Use binoculars and stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Every time there is a gun shot on the movie scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room.

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn/peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes.

Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end


THE FOLLOWING MAY RESULT IN SUSPENSION,DETENTION AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT ENDS WITH -ION-

1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)

2.After everything your teacher says ask why continuously.

3.If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask 'DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG' very loudly.

4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that simply reply,' wow I can tell you're a blast at parties!!'

5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream 'THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!!!'

6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.

7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, 'Your racist against paper aren't you?!?!'

8. Don't do your Homework.

9. When your teacher asks you why you didn't do your homework say 'I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you're the worst teacher ever' then sit there and smile sweetly.

10. When you have a substitute teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name it Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say 'PROVE IT!'

11. When your teacher asks why you were late say 'My goldfish died.' Then burst into tears.

12.When handing in your homework write 'this paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds' at the bottom.

13.When you leave the class bow and say, 'May the force be with you, young one.'

14. When the teacher turns the light off start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.

15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you scream 'OMG GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!'

16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena.

17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room.

18. Raise your hand and say I totally agree after everything your teacher says

19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow...

20. Speak in French.

21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume and say 'there was a disturbance'

22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well...

23. When your teacher says 'the homework's due now' say 'Oh! Give me a minute then.'

24. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelled.

25. Run in the room screaming 'THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!'

26. When the teacher asks you why you are late say 'the queen/king is never late, everyone else is simply early.'

27. When a teacher asks you a question say 'I'm sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.'

28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector scream 'AAH MY EYES!!'

29. Tell yourself knock knock jokes then laugh loads.

30. Hide under your desk and yell 'THE SKY IS FALLING!'

31. When someone knocks on the door shout 'OH NO, THEY'RE COMING FOR ME!'

32. Bring in a 7 year old and says he's your new pet.

33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making say 'a nuclear bomb.' (0_0)

34. when your teacher asks you a question just stare at them.

35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.

36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.

37. If you're playing a really boring game make a big deal if you win.

38. Glue all their scissors together.

39. Make paperclip jewelery. E.g. necklaces, earrings etc

40. Pull out one strand of someone's hair and yell 'DNA!'

41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says 'I am retarded'(some people may be offended by this, if you are sorry)

42. Talk to a pen.

43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what's wrong, yell 'NO I WON'T SNOG YOU!'

44. Yell 'LIAR!' to everything they say.

45. Smile. All the time.

46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger everyday. One day when it's kind of big look at it and say 'It's spreading... IT'S SPREADING!'

47. When a substitute teacher is taking attendance say 'everyone is missing.' Then, if they ask who you are, say 'Your worst Nightmare'

48. When you know the answer bounce up and down a go 'OOOHH I KNOW THIS'

49. When a teacher calls on you say 'Awww, I forgot'

50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song.


16 Things to do when you're in Wal-Mart! I bolded the ones I think are the funniest:

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off every 5-minutes.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares' and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme song.

11. In the auto department, practice your 'Madonna look'.

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 'NO! NO! It's those voices again!!'

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here!'

15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting 'Go, Pikachu, Go!'

16. When you are at the cash paying, ask: 'Can I have fries with that?


:.:7 Ways to Scare Your Roommates:.:

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."


Take Time To Read Each Sentence:

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is an cat

This is idiot cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line

DON'T WORRY... I FELL FOR IT, TOO!!!!


One early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "When I was born I was black," "When I grew up I was black," "When I'm sick I'm black," "When I go in the sun I'm black," "When I'm cold I'm black," "When I die I'll be black." "But you sir..." "When you're born you're pink," "When you grow up you're white," "When you're sick, you're green," "When you go in the sun you turn red," "When you're cold you turn blue," "And when you die you turn purple." "And yet you have the nerve to call me colored" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

Copy this onto your profile and help stop racism!


OBAMA BEATS ROMNEY! TEAM OBAMA! ROMNEY SUCKS! Copy and paste this on your profile if you know the truth: Romney sucks.


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION - RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee!


Next Tyler Perry movie: Baby Mama Reunions!


Your Godly Parent is...

ZEUS

You like being in charge.
You often wish you could just zap someone with a thunderbolt.

You were voted Class President.
You do what’s best for everyone.
You think you have what it takes to run for President.
You think every problem has a solution.
You love showing off.
You like plane rides
You are hydrophobia

4/10

POSEIDON

You feel at home in the water.
Your favorite vacation place is at the beach.
You enjoy snorkeling, scuba diving, surfing, etc.
You want to do something about the marine species being abused today.
You visit the local pool on a regular basis.
You swim professionally. (Ehh.. Pretty good)
You hate seafood.
You never get seasick.
You’d rather ride a boat than a plane.
You are acrophobic

4/10

HADES

You’re not that much of a people person.
You like staying in the dark and writing poems.
You experience bad moods on a regular basis.
You like listening to loud, angry music.
You spend most of your time alone.
You think parties are sometimes loud and annoying. (*cough slumber parties cough*)
You like to keep to yourself.
All your closets are padlocked.
You write in diary/journal.
You feel most active at night.

8/10 (OMIGOSH!!! YAY! HADES!)

DEMETER

You own a garden.
You like the great outdoors
You have a green thumb. (No. I have a brown thumb. EVERY plant I've EVER tried to grow has NEVER, EVER EVER sprouted!)
You’re an environmentalist.
You have a special connection with animals. (Yeah! Animals seem to like me!!)
You’re a vegetarian.
You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world.
You always check a product if it’s environmentally-friendly.
You love going to flower shops.
You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with.

2/10

ARES

You often start fights.
You’re a very aggressive type of person.

You like watching wrestling.
You’re competitive.
You like reading about war.
You don’t take crap from anybody.
You have anger management.
You never back away from a fight.
Everyone does what you say.
You don’t always think before you do something.

6/10 (I kind of expected it. But I would never be a child of Ares. Children of Ares are...and...then their...)

ATHENA

You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
You’re probably the only person who visit the library on a regular basis.
Half of your Christmas presents last year were books.
You like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies behind it.
You’re the valedictorian in your class.
You’ve never gotten a grade below 90 in your report card.
You get political jokes without asking people to explain them.
You think it would be better if you were the President.
You have a huge shelf of books at home.
You think vinyl pocket protectors are useful. (No. Just...no.)

6/10 (YAY!)

APOLLO

You’re very creative and artistic. (With words...)
You like listening to all kinds of music in general.
You always feel sunny and optimistic.
You are talented at drawing.
You like writing poetry.
You can play at least 3 musical instruments.
You like going to art museums. (But I like museums in general...)
You almost always win 1st Place in Art Contests.
You have straight As in Art on your report card.
Your school notebook has more doodles than notes.

4/10 (Wow,didn't think I'd score this high...)

HUNTER OF ARTEMIS

You dislike boys in general. (But... NICO di ANGELO!)
A deer is one of your favorite animals
You can shoot targets
You like silver.
You like the moon better than the sun
Zoë Nightshade is awesome
You love wild animals
You spend most of your time outdoors.
You love to move around the place
Hunting is not cruel, if it's to hunt down monsters.

6/10 (YAY! HUNTER TIME!)

HEPHAESTUS

You have a way with tools.
You build awesome things during your free time.
You’re the best at Woodshop in your class.
Metalworking is your forte.
You have your own toolbox.
You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots.
You’re a techie.
You often have carpentry projects.
You dream of being a carpenter.
You aren’t afraid of fire.

0/10

APHRODITE

Every guy/girl swoons for you.
You like putting on makeup.
You naturally smell good.
You never experience a bad hair day.
Your favorite activity is clothes-shopping.
You’re always at the front of every trend.
You’re the popular girl/guy at your school.
You’re often invited to parties.
Your motto is ‘It’s never a party without me.”
You look at yourself in the mirror on a regular basis.

2/10

HERMES

You like pick pocketing your friends. (You just don't know...)
You’re a prankster.
You’re a speed demon.

You consider yourself restless.
You’re the best speaker in the class.
You like thinking on your feet and using your wits.
You’re inventive and resourceful.
You often start arguments.
You’ve never lost a debate.
You like making witty and sarcastic statements.

10/10 (YES! PRANKSTERS UNITE!!!!!)

DIONYSUS

You’re the life of the party.
You like wine. (Don't ask!)
You’ve probably tasted every alcoholic drink out there.
You can finish a martini in less than a minute.
You have a happy, cheerful disposition.
You’re a goodies.
You like going to social events and mingling with people.
You like trying out new food.
You feel that you’re abundant in life.
You think that too much of anything is bad.

2/10 (Thank the gods. No offense, Mr. D.)


Did you know? Before you go to sleep at night there is 1 person from the
opposite rainbow, thinking of you, they want to kiss you, they want to be with
you, they're always thinking about you before they go to sleep at night and they
are longing to be with you. This is all true not fake. If you repost this on
your page within 5 mins, that person who is longing to approach you will
approach you in a month and ask you out or grab you and kiss you but if you
break this chain no one will like you or ask you out for 45 years.


The Eliminators irk the shit out of me. Every time they say something, it make me want to barf. I mean, FF police? Who the fuck runs from the cops anymore? Oh, and how they're such goody-two shoes. Come the fuck on. People, get with the program. Don't you all know that telling people what they can and can't do on FF is annoying. All they go on about is how they're the good guys, and how they're helping FF. Bullshit. If you want to help Fanfiction.net, quit your bitching. Oh, and they're so inconsiderate. I was reading they're forum (Who wouldn't? That shit is hilarious, watching them bitch about the PM's they get. As if they weren't the ones who caused it.) and I came across this post. They trolled (Never would've guessed) and made this person feel so bad, they quit FF. And then they were like, "Who cares?" What kind of asshole does that? I mean, dumb-ass much? PM me if you support the DOWN FALL of the Eliminators! Oh, and the fact that they read through your profile and all that shit just to get dirt on you. Well, here's what I have to say: I don't give a fuck if my story isn't perfect, considering that some of you hoes don't even have stories!


1st twelve of your characters from your fandom, in no particular order.

1. Nico

2. Annabeth

3. Percy

4. Thalia

5. Leo

6. Bianca

7. Hades

8. Rachel

9. Travis

10. Katie

11. Connor

12. Hylla

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

Bianca and Connor? Hmmmm, maybe...

2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

Thalia? Um, no answer.

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?

Hylla gets Rachel pregnant? Then science would have failed me!

4. Can you recall any fics about Nine?

Yes. Mostly (ALL)Tratie.

5.Would Two and Six make a good couple?

Annabeth and Bianca? No, I don't think so.

6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?

Leo/Travis or Leo/Katie? Neither, because Travis and Katie belong together!

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve making out?

Hades walks in on Annabeth and Hylla making out. His eyes would probably burn.

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.

Percy is the bad boy at Goode high school, with a freshly broken heart, ever since his girlfriend left him for his cousin. Then, he meets small town country girl Katie. What will happen? Actually, this sounds pretty good... kinda.

9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?

Nico/Rachel? Actually, I've read some. Really good. So, yeah.

10. Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.

Hades/Hylla hurt/comfort? DO NOT READ THIS! There's your title!

11. What song would you choose for Eight?

Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne

12. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would be the warning?

WARNING: This may cause you to be put in a mental asylum do to HORRIBLE pairing. You have been warned!

13. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

Um... A few days/weeks ago?

14. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (7) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).”

14. "Nico and Hades are in a happy relationship until Hades runs off with Thalia. Nico, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Connor and a brief unhappy affair with Hylla, then follows the wise advice of Leo and finds true love with Percy.”

First, Leo? Wise advice? Give me a break! Hades and his son? Actually, I've seen weirder pairings. But Hades/Thalia? Excuse me while I go vomit. Nico/Connor? Doesn't sound so bad. Nico/Hylla? Hylla, stay away from my man! Percy/Nico? Okay, that was probably the smartest thing said.


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BEAST BOY IS MINE, TOHAPPYFORMYOWNGOOD! MINE I TELL YOU! MINE!


My friend (DramaQueen1649) sent me this by email, and I thought it needed to be posted online!

Complications

Natalie Mervin

Do you wanna know her?
Do you wanna try?
Her life's a little complicated
Let me tell you why,
She feels unloved unwanted
She cries 6 times a day
Her heart is nearly broken
She's in a lot of pain
She cuts herself to feel
That's how she plays her games
She smiles at the blade
Like blood is summer rain

Do you still wanna know her?
Do you still wanna try?
Her life's still a little complicated
Let me tell you why,
Besides her scars from cutting
She's got bruises everywhere
Her mother tends to hit her
And doesn't even care
Her dads an alcoholic
He screams and yells and night
And when he's finally finished
He says she'll be alright

So are you scared to know her?
Are you scared to try?
Do you think her life's a little complicated?
If not let me tell you why,
She screams and cries for help
Maybe a way out
She's trapped in a world of hate
A world of lies and tears
She lies on her bed at night
And wonders "Why am I still here?"
And when she falls asleep
Nightmares haunt her dreams

So are you still scared to know her?
Are you still scared to try?
You think her life's complicated?
Too late that girl died,
They found her on her bed
Her throat slit every which way
They waved her death away
Like it was a everyday thing
She didn't deserve to die
She deserved to live
But I guess when you live in hell
Heaven always wins.

Read more at http:///poem/complications#fTm1ghsX8geA7OFw.99

Re-post this to help people going through depression!


ATTENTION ALL PJO LOVERS: I was on a field trip yesterday. While there, you. Will. Not. BELIEVE who I saw: Percy, Nico, Jason, and Annabeth! I swear! little-fox saw them, too! We totally flipped! #truth


How You Know I'm Fucked Up: I laugh, smile and sing along to a song that made tens of thousands of people commit suicide, but I get sad and depressed when I see a dying animal. R.I.P. Owen... May your children carry your legacy.


There's a 13 year old girl, and she wished that her dad would come home from the army, because he'd been having problems with his heart and right leg. It was 2:53 p.m . When she made her wish. At 3:07 p.m. (14 minutes later), the doorbell rang, and there her Dad was, luggage and all!!

I'm Katie and I'm 20 and I've been having trouble in my job and on the verge of quitting. I made a simple wish that my boss would get a new job. That was at 1:35 and at 1:55 there was an announcement that he was promoted and was leaving for another city. Believe me...this really works!

My name is Ann and I am 45 years of age. I had always been single and had been hoping to get into a nice, loving relationship for many years. While kind of daydreaming (and right after receiving this email) I wished that a quality person would finally come into my life. That was at 9:10 AM on a Tuesday. At 9:55 AM a FedEx delivery man came into my office.He was cute, polite and could not stop smiling at me. He started coming back almost everyday (even without packages) and asked me out a week later. We married 6 months later and now have been happily married for 2 years.

What a great email it was!!

Just scroll down to the end, but while you do, think of a wish. Make your wish when you have completed scrolling. Whatever age you are, is the number of minutes it will take for your wish to come true. are 25 years old, it will take 25 minutes for your wish to come true).

Go for it!

SCROLL DOWN!

STOP!

Congratulations! Your wish will now come true in your age minutes.

Now follow this carefully...it can be very rewarding!

If you repost this within the next 5 min. something major that you've been wanting will happen.


And I'm The Girl

Jillian Baker

I’m the girl, who hides behind a smile everyday.
I’m the girl, who has a tough exterior.
But that’s not who I really am.
I’m the girl, who has a lot of problems,
But doesn’t share one thing.
I’m the girl, who keeps everything bottled up.
Sometimes I just need someone to talk to.
Someone to care about me.
Someone to listen to my problems.
Someone to hold me when I cry.
Someone to love me.
Nobody knows the real me.
Nobody knows what I go through everyday.
Nobody knows what I have to do just to make it through the day.
Nobody knows that I’m the girl who isn’t who I say I am.
And I’m the girl who will cry herself to sleep every night.

Source: Feeling Lonely Poem, And I'm The Girl http:///poem/im-the-girl#ixzz2in1eJ4ZR
#FamilyFriendPoems


Well I, I hardly feel alive

I'm going threw the motions

But I don't feel like trying

- Alexx Calise, Cry

Little girl, don't be so blue

I know what you're going through,

Don't let it beat you up.

Hittin' walls and gettin' scars

Only makes you who you are

-Lindsay Haun, Broken

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

-Simple Plan, Welcome to My Life

Lonely, as lost as I could be

No way it's up to me

-Stephanie Bentley, I Will Survive

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss 'No-Way-It's-All-Good'

-P!nk, Fuckin' Perfect

Wakin' up I see that everything is okay,

The first time in my life and now it's so great

Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed

I think about the little things that make life great

-Avril Lavigne, Innocence

Every day's the same

She fights to find her way

She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray

She wonders why, does anyone ever hear when she cries

-Britt Nicole, When She Cries

Trapped inside these four white walls

Waiting for someone to call

Something's gonna have to give

And I don't know when

-Full Blown Rose, Trapped

All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Bite the lip just forget the bleeding

-Between the Trees, The Way She Feels


Author: Follow Favorite

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