I just wanted you guys to know, I have a Figment (aka InkPop) and a Twitter as well, so feel free to follow me @SangTiffany on Twitter or just find me as Tiffany Sang on Figment (aka InkPop). Thanks you guys Lots of Loves

When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I lost The Game. (And if I lose, I'm taking you down with me! Just did, you lost The Game too.)

Why America has some Issues (Yes I live there, but tough. These are clever)

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

I love it anyway.

Never fight with inanimate objects. If you're like me, you always lose.

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz -I died my hair black and red-
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. (only a little bit of blood in me)
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly... Or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual. (mens sweatshirts and gym shorts are WAY more comfortable)
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted. (well.. read/write it...)
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT; I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life. (Only drink, but still)
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

Put this on your profile
If you like to laugh!

Lolipops turn into cigarettes
The innocent ones turn into sluts
Homework goes in the trash
Mobile phones are being used in class
Detention becomes suspension
Soda becomes vodka
Bikes become cars
Panties turn into g-strings and underwear into boxers
Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground?
When protection meant wearing a helmet?
When the worst things you could get from the opposite sex were cooties?
Dad's shoulders were the highest place on Earth and mom was your hero?
Your worst enemies were your siblings
Race issues were about who ran the fastest
War was nothing but a card game
The only drug you knew was cough medicine
Wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut
Wanting to be a wrestler didn't make you gay
The only thing that hurt you were skinned up knees
And goodbyes only meant until the next day?

And to think we couldn't wait to grow up.

Pein/Nagato

[ ] -I am the leader/boss of a group, club, friends etc.
[X] -I have a piercing/s.(just my ears people, don't judge)
[ ] - My natural hair colour is red, ginger or auburn.
[ ] -My eyes aregrey/gray.
[X] -My closest friend is a girl.
[X] - I'm a very secretive person.
[X] - I like it when it rains.

[Pein/Pain - Nagato Score: 4]

Konan
[X] - Most of my friends are guys.
[X] - Origami RULES!
[X] - I know how to make atleast over 5 different origami objects.
[X] - I love flowers!
[ ] - Your closest friend is a guy.
[X] - I don't like having my photo taken.
[ ] - I don't like water. Swimming etc.

[Konan Score: 5]

Itachi Uchiha
[X] - My younger sibling/s bothers me a lot.
[X] -Many people find me attractive.(so i'm told. I don't believe it.)
[ ] - I'm quiet and very mature for my age.
[X] - I don't actually like fighting though I can fight.
[X] - I don't care what you think, Kisame is cool.
[X] - I'm the top of my class. Intelligence.
[X] - My natural hair colour is black.

[Itachi Uchiha Score: 6 ]

Kisame Hoshigaki
[ ] - Sharks are AWESOME! (actually they scare me... o.O)
[X]- I like gore :3
[X] - I dislike my own appearance.
[X] - Underwater in the ocean is abeautiful scenery.
[X] - Once someone gets to know me, I'm a pretty nice person.
[ ] - I'm the tallest of my friends who are the same gender.
[X] - I like water sports.

[Kisame Hoshigaki Score: 5]

Sasori
[X] - I look young for my age.
[X] - Puppets are fascinating
[X] - I'm very impatient.
[X] - I hate that bitch, Sakura Haruno.
[ ] - My Grandma annoys me.
[X] - I'm the smallest of my friends.
[ ] - Loud noises/people annoy me.

[Sasori Score: 5 ]

Deidara
[x] - I'm an artist. (I have different opinions on art)
[X] - I like and appreciate art.
[X] - I hate Saskue Uchiha. (he killed Deidara! Damn him!)
] - I have a thing (un, yeah, hmm) that i say in a lot of sentences. (I say bruh a lot)
[X] - I'm the youngest in my group of friends.(at school)
[X] - I hate Tobi. (He killed Konan! )
[X] - I have a friend who hangs around and annoys me.

[Deidara Score: 6 ]

Kakuzu
[ ] - I'm a saver, not a spender.
[ ] - My eyes are either green or hazel.
[ ] - I have had stitches.
[ ] - I hate Hidan.
[X] - Younger people tend to tick me off.
] - I am the oldest in my group of friends.(at home)
[X] - My skin is dark or tanned.(sometimes... depending on the season)

[Kakuzu Score: 2 ]

Hidan
[X] - I have a cussing/swearing problem.
[ ] - I hate Kakuzu.
[X] - I hate so many people and hate them so much, that I probably have my own hit-list.
[X] - I am religious.
[X] - I am very strong-willed.
[X] - I have cut myself on purpose before. (don't judge me! It was for a diabetes test. I am negative, by the way.)
[X] - I'm very prone to accidents.

[Hidan Score: 6 ]

Zetsu
[ ] - I have a split personality. Two sides.
[X] - Nature is AWESOME!
[X] - I'm usually alone.
[X] - I don't mind the company of others.
[ ] - I don't have many friends.
[ ] - Tobi is not that bad.
[ ] - I WON'T eat the veggies! Meat all the way, man!

[Zetsu Score: 3 ]

Tobi
[X] - I'm always hyperactive.
[ ] - I have a particular person who I like to pester.
[X] - People often mistake me for someone else or say I look like someone.
[ ] - I LOVE the colour orange.
[ ] - I'm rarely sad and always optimistic.
[ ] - TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!

[Tobi Score: 2]

Orochimaru
[ ] - I'm attracted to younger people.
[ ] - I have a very pale skin colour.
[ ] - Snakes are AWESOME!
[ ] - I love/like Sasuke Uchiha.(*barfs*)
[ ] - Micheal Jackson is AWESOME!
[X] - I'm very motivated, nothing will stop me from reaching my goals.
[X] - People think I'm twisted or insane.

[Orochimaru Score: 2 ]

I am most like Itachi, Hidan, and Deidara! WOOT! I get the sexy emo, bloody Jashinist, and terrorist bomber! YES! Konan is my close second though.

Dear Jashin,

You took away my favorite sensei, Asuma.

You took away my favorite bad guys, the Akatsuki

You took away my favorite hero, Pervy-sage

You took away my favorite Uchiha, Itachi

You took away my favorite old lady, Chiyo

Just to let you know,

Sakura Haruno is my favorite character.

You Know You're a Book Addict If (Bold those that apply):

You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.

Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading.

You write fanfictions about the book.

You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read it. (and don't they know it)

You accidentally call everyone by the characters' names.

Everything reminds you of the book.

You quote random lines all the time.

You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't.

You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.H.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.H.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason.

Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. Yeah this one is the strangest one but the most true...

Girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love.

Paste this on your profile if you are one of the 5 percent of kids in the world that absolutley can't stand rap at all

R.A.P
R=Retards ...
A=Attempting
P=Poetry ... .

Rap... only one letter away from rape. 'Tis true my friends...

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"

Just scroll down to the end, but
while you do, think of a wish.
Make your wish when you have completed
scrolling. Whatever age you are, is the
number of minutes it will take for your
wish to come true. are 25 years
old, it will take 25 minutes for your wish
to come true).

Go for it!

SCROLL DOWN!

STOP!

Congratulations! Your wish will
now come true in your age minutes.

Now follow this carefully...it
can be very rewarding!

If you repost this within the next 5 min.
something major that you've been wanting
will happen.

This is scary!

The phone will ring right after you repost!

Friends

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS:Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS:Would be sitting next to you sayin "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS:You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS:Will repost this crap!!

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

When in doubt, push random buttons!

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like Slinky's. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.

It's ok to argue with two characters on your shoulders.

Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.

Anything thrown hard enough should hurt.

Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought him back, but stupidity killed him again.

Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.

When I was born, I was so shocked that I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed already.

The trouble with life, is there's no background music.

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I may not follow, do not walk beside me either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

For people who like peace and quiet: Get me a CORDLESS PHONE!

I don't get even, I get odder.

If being an idiot hurt, then you would be in constant pain.

If I were any lazier, I would slip into a coma!

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then throw it back at life and steal the oranges you asked for!

If life gives you lemons...throw them at someone.

If life gives you lemons, make beef stew.

When life gives you lemons, say "What else have you got?" you might get something else

In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place.

I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why...some people seem bright until you hear them speak.

You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says "So far so good!"

If Fed ex and UPS merge, they would be called Fed UP.

I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it.