10/7/14: Holy. Shit. What a relic of the embarrassing past this profile is. Gonna clean some of this poo left by my younger self. But leave a lot of it because I find masochistic humor in its existence.
Helloooo, I am of course Frotu. That stands for "Future Ruler Of The Universe."
Some of the Things Which Make Me Happy (in case you wanted to know so that you can bribe me when I have a lot of power):
- Monty Python
- The helmets the elves have in the Last Alliance
- Black cloaks, now capes and yes, trenchcoats in some cases.
- Compliments (don't care if they are of the brown-nosing kind)
- Christian Lenin the Communist Penguin
- The words minion, spiffy, antithesis, peeved, carcanet, venerable, portulaca, weregild, crumpet, goulashes, bakunka, frigate, travesty, bivouacked, squire, sarcophagus, calamari, quagmire, grandiloquent, nonchalantly, garish, gondola, cravat, cavil, conundrum, subterfuge, tutelage, vertical, macabre, and gratuitous!
- Creep and his peppermint butterscotch muffins. But mostly Creep.
And these are Things Which I Do Not Like/Hate:
- The Red Room song
- Getting those burbs from soda which go up your nose and burn
- Those caterpillars in the Money Tree commercials. A bird needs to eat them
- The smell of fetal pig. Especially the smell of fetal pig mixed with the lingering scent of pepperoni from the baseball team's pizza party
- The animated LOTR
- EASY CHEESE! //massive shudder//
- That glue I had to use to keep the mask on during the spoof. I think it made me high. And it stunk, not to mention ripped off parts of my flesh.
- The word crotchety. It just sounds gross.
Now I wanna say quotes.
Here are all the ones from my dear friend The Spastic Forkie, who is also a spoof writer:
"Hair is edible, you just can't eat it."
"Yeah... well, Craig Parker looks like a man!"
"You two are the same height, only she's taller."
"It's the crucifix bomb!" referring to the Holy Handgrenade
"Your eyes are the color of poo."
"What are those? The ewoks from hell?" - While watching Van Helsing
"Where'd the world go?" - After turning the light off in Tisher's basement.
Tisher: I'm going to copy your answers.
Forkie: You can't read my handwriting.
Tisher: ... It's multiple choice.
"I will rock you to sweet sleep... yeah, that was kinda gay."
And these are from other sources...
"I'm making butterscotch peppermint muffins." -Creep, who is a figment of imagination, so if you know him, get some psychiatric help
"When I saw myself there for the first time, with those ears and that wig, I thought, 'O God, I look like a transvestite after a night of binge drinking'" -Craig Parker on Haldir
My mom: He's trying to mess with our minds!
My grandma: Well... there really isn't much to mess with.
"See what happens when you get greedy? Spider people come and eat you." -My dad, while watching some really lame horror movie.
"These are like oatmeal raisin cookies, only without the oatmeal... and with chocolate chips instead of raisins." -Proc
Ms. Bee: Gandalf says so many wisdomic things.
Me: ... Don't you mean wise?
"I could do it, live on a farm with a frickin' horse." - Mr. Walton
"The Adkins diet is where you just eat bacon for six or seven months and end up losing weight... because you die." -Michael Ian Black on I Love the 90s
"Korea was colder than a brass toilet seat on the shady side of an iceburg." - Mrs. Chumbley
"You don't have to be naughty, but it's more fun." - My grandma
"America is going off to war, so Death is playing the war drum. And, see, Uncle Sam is getting jiggy with Death!" - Mrs. Chumbley
"Yeah, kids teased me because of my name when I was little. They called me Boogerweed." - Mr. Snodgrass
"We thought about naming our daughter Mary Jane because she was born on 4-20." - Mr. Snodgrass again
"Stay down, you evil evil hippo beast." - The guide on a ride in Disneyworld
"Babies only hear tone, they can't understand words. So, as long as you use a nice tone, you can say "aaaw, I'm going to kill you, you little shit!"" - Mrs. Groth
“So you figured out how to live forever. But I’ll tell you right now, it’s overrated.” -Grim
"For a small price do you consume potentially fatal substances." -Golodwen
"Goodnight, cat; goodnight, moon; goodnight severed finger completed with gold ring doubling as a nightlight..." -Proc
Me //while watching the Tonight Show//: What is THAT?
Mom //all intellectually//: It appears to be a bong of some sort.
"If Erik's secrets stop being Erik's secrets, Erik will be pissed off and bad things will happen to more people than just Erik." - Spoofmaster
Weird Things That Were Said During the Improv Taping of Various Spoofs:
Gandalf (Tisher): Saruman, come down here, you naughty naughty bad naughty bad bad little boy.
Sauron: Listen here. I’m just a big flaming eye. My gaze pierces shadow, cloud, earth, and flesh. ... And playing cards.
Raoul (Forkie): Look... a seagull! Wait for it; it will come. Maybe a unicorn will join it.
Raoul: Then why is our engagement ‘secret’? Are you ashamed to be with me?
Christine: Oh no, of course not! I’m just ashamed to be seen with you.
So there you have it! Hope that if you read any of the lovely stuff I write that you enjoy it!