Aloha, Friends and random people I don't know but may stalk one day

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline..."

-If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

-If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

-If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

-If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

-If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

-If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

-If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

-If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

-If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

-If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

-If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

-If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

-If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

-If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

-If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

-If you are a blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN... but it was fun!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only knows a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds asses that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already knows not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this tt!!

98% of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like oreos

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.