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SwanQueen101 PM
Joined Mar '13

Hello people! I'm not really good at this "profile" stuff, so I'll just start with the basics! Well... I like to think of myself as nice... and cool... yeah... ANYWAY! I'm a lesbian (that sounds awkward, and I just can't figure out why), I have ADD, most of my friends classify me as weird/crazy, and I am completely obsessed with Once Upon a Time... Don't even get me started on SwanQueen cause I won't shut up about it.

Anyway, I have a few stories on here that are alright, but I hope to get better as time goes on, as most people do. Well, it's 12:30am right about now, and I have to get up early, so I'm gonna crash... Have fun reading my stories if you're interested. :)

If you've ever read past two in the morning, copy this into your profile.

I am that girl,
The one who likes books more than boys.
The one who pretends not to be sad, just to make others happy
The one who always wonders what she did wrong
The one who writes to escape
The one who just wants to help
The one that really wants to make a difference
The one that sticks to her values
The one that refuses to believe that this is it
The one that will do anything to make a better tomorrow
The one who won't give in
The one who won't give up
I am the girl that people look through when I say something.
I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal.
I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face.
I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on Facebook, or talking to a girlfriend on a phone.
I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.
But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment),
Who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more,
Who can express herself better with words than with words, and knows the importance of the little things.
I am that girl.

I'm not what people call normal teenager, I'm not what people want, and you wnat to know something? I don't care, because I like of who I am, and everyone that is around me care about me, like me and love me for who I am. I like to study, I like to read, I love English, I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't want to be in a realationship that isn't friendship. And I am happy like this. Maybe I am little bit crazy, maybe most of people will never get me, maybe I am a dreamer, maybe I am falling down without notice, maybe I am stronger than before, but these are only the"maybes", and maybe is never enough. But I'm sure that I have people who love me, I know what I like and what I don't, I know what I want and I will try until I get it, and yes, I am a dreamer, I am a little bit crazy, but I in the end I'm just girl trying to find my way home. Maybe this isn't enough for you but is for me.

(Eu não sou o que as pessoas chamam de adolescente normal, eu não sou o que as pessoas querem, e você quer saber de uma coisa? Eu não me importo, porque eu gosto de quem eu sou, e todo mundo que está ao meu redor se preocupam comigo, gostam de mim e me amam por quem eu sou. Eu gosto de estudar, eu gosto de ler, eu amo Inglês, eu não tenho um namorado, e eu não quero estar em um relaçao que não seja amizade,agora. E eu sou feliz assim. Talvez eu seja um pouco louca, talvez a maioria das pessoas nunca irá me entender, talvez eu sou uma sonhadora, talvez eu esteja caindo sem aviso prévio, talvez eu esteja mais forte do que antes, mas esses são apenas os "talvez", e talvez nunca é o suficiente. Mas eu tenho certeza que eu tenho pessoas que me amam, eu sei o que eu gosto e o que eu não gosto, eu sei o que quero e vou tentar até eu conseguir isso, e sim, eu sou uma sonhadora, eu sou um pouco louca, mas no final eu sou apenas uma garota tentando encontrar meu caminho de casa.Talvez isso não seja o suficiente para você, mas é para mim)


Celind Dion, Tarja Turunen, Carrie Underwood, Epica, Within Temptation, Nightwish, Nickelback, Disturbed, Blind Guardian, Xandria, Shinedown, Seven Circle Sunrise, Lady Antebellum, Thriving Ivory, The Script, Lacuna Coil

Favorite Writers:

Nicholas Sparks (#1), Meg Cabot, Kate O'Hearn, Rick Riordan.


Percy Jackson and The Olympians, Percy Jackson and The Heroes of Olympus, The Last Song, Dear Jhon, A message in a Bottle, The Notbook, Nights in Rodanthe, Between Sisters, Cloud Nine, Pegasus and The Flame, The Book Thief, Nothing Lasts Forever, If Tomorrow Comes, Sooner or Later, N is for Noose, Death and Life of Charlie St. Clound.


The list is to long, but I like Dramas, Romances, Adventures, Actions, Sy-fys movies and Comedy. ( a lista é mto longa mas gosto de filmes de drama, romance, avcentura, ação, ficção cientifica). P.S: I love Harry Potter.

Tv shows:

Law & Order SVU (#1), Body of Proof (#1), Brothers and Sisters, Once Upon A Time(#1), Law & Order, The Good Wife, In Plain Sight, House, Friends, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Desperate Housewives, CSI, CSI NY (#1), Castle, Glee, Criminal Minds, 30 Rock, Cold Case, Crossing Jordan, Bones, Two and A Half Men, Cougar Town, X-Files,


E/O (Ell e Liv) - Law & Order SVU

Megan/Petter - Body of Proof

Alicia/Will - The Good Wife

Mary/Marshall - In Plain Sight

Nick/Catherine - CSI

Jo/Mac - CSI NY

Beckett/Castle - Castle

Booth/Brennan - Bones

Swan Queen (Emma/Regina aka Evil Queen) - Once Upon A Time

*These are only the main ones. (*esses sao apenas os principais.)

I went to a party Mom,

I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.

I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn't drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.

As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn't see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.

As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
"The other guy is drunk," Mom,
And now I'm the one who will pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom...
I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.

There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn't think.

He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.

Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.

The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put "Daddy's Girl" on my grave.

Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.

I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn't drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?

A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle.

Girl: Slow down. I'm scared

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No its not. Please it's too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

Girl hugs him

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? It's bugging me.

In the paper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. 2 people were on it but only 1 survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die. If there's anyone you love this much put this in your profile.

My name is Chris

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong

I can't speak at all

Or else I'm locked up

All day long.

When I'm awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says it's my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door.

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I'm sorry!" I scream

But it's now much too late.

His face has been twisted

Into an unimaginable shape.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Chris

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me.

If you are against child abuse, put this in your profile...I did

Her name was Aurora. She was only five.

This is what happened, when she was alive.

Her dad was a drunk; her mom was an addict. Her parents kept her locked in an attic.

Her only friend was a little toy bear. It was old and worn out and had patches of hair. She always talked to it. When no one's around, she lays there and hugs it, not a peep of sound.

Until her parents unlock the door. Some more and more pain she'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg and a scar on her face. Why would she be in such a horrible place? But she grabs her bear and softly cries.

She loves her parents, but they want her to die. She sits in the corner.

Quiet but thinking, "God, why? Why is my life always sinking?"

Such a bad life for a sad little kid. She'd get beaten and beaten for anything she did.

Then one night, her mom came home high. The poor child was hit and slapped as hours went by. Then her mom suddenly grabbed for a blade. It was sharp and pointy, one that she made.

She thrust the blade right into her chest, "You deserve to die you worthless pest!" The mom walked out, leaving the girl slowly dying. She grabbed her bear and again started crying.

Police showed up at the small little house. They quickly barged in everything was as quiet as a mouse.

One officer slowly opened a door to find the sad little girl lying on the floor. It must have been bad to go through so much harm, but at least she died with her best friend in her arms.

If you are against child abuse, post this in your profile, I did.


I am the boy who never finished school because I was called a fag everyday.

I am the girl who got kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I was a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because no one will hire a transsexual.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they wouldn't allow my partner of 27 years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up to the nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wished they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before my high school graduation. It was just too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one bedroom for two men.

I am the one person who does not know which bathroom to use so the management doesn't come for me.

I am the mother who is not even allowed to see the children I bore, nursed and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who never hugged my son because I grew up afraid to show affection to males.

Iam the Home Ec teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians could teach it.

Iam the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized i was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because i don't believe, but because they closed the doors to my kind.

I am the girl ashamed to tell my own friends that I am a lesbian because they make fun of them.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men said they needed to 'teach me a lesson'.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

I am the person who needs to hide what this world needs the most: love.


98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you’re against child abuse (in any form) copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're not stupid enough to believe music causes suicide, copy and paste.

If you believe you are genuinely in love with 2 or more tvshow/book characters, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy this into your profile

If you think writing fanfiction stories is fun, copy this into your profile

If you read peoples profiles, looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

FAN FICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you've ever been entertained for over 20 minutes by a spot on the wall, copy this to your profile.

-- - --ρυт тнιѕ

-- -- --σи υя

-- -- --page ιf
-- -- --уυ киσω
-- - --ѕυмσиє
-- --ωнσ ιє
-- - --of
-- -- --cancer

You know you’re obsessed with SVU when...

When you get angry at people who won't let you watch a rerun that you've seen 8 times, so that they can watch a season premiere.

When everyone who has just met you knows that you love SVU

When you go crazy when someone makes a joke to you about one of your favorite characters getting kicked off of the show.

When you Defend SVU at all costs when someone is downgrading it.

When SVU is on your mind 25 of the 24 hours in a day.

When someone asks you who your favorite actress is and you say Mariska Hargitay...and when the can't pronounce it you sit there making them say it until they say it right. (just taught my sis :) mar-ish-ka har-gi-tay

When you can predict what the sentencing is going to be on a case based on the evidence provided and you start using terms like man 1 and man 2 and you actually know what they stand for and what they mean and if its a good deal on a case, and all that stuff.

You know so much about the actors on the show that you could write their biography.

You own every possible season and episode on DVD or on itunes (Nope D:)

You own at least one article of clothing that expresses your love for Benson, Stabler, the entire cast, and/or the show itself. You would definately give Benson or Stabler a kidney in a FLASH if they needed it

EVERY Wednesday night is booked to watch the newest episode of svu.

You make some sort of reference to SVU even when whatever your doing has nothing to do with it

You cry when Benson or Stabler (especially Benson) cry or look sad

You buy magazines that you would never get if Mariska Hargitay or Chris Meloni are on the cover (Cut out pics of Mariska and Chris. Found more pics of Mariska than of Chris actually...)

You can recite the opening of the show with your eyes closed. (If you can't you're not obbessed. JK! No seriously.)

You know how to speak and translate E/O language and that "I'd give you a kidney" means "I love you" (they have a secret code Language. E/O. When El said, "And look how great you turned out Liv." Means. "I think that you're amazing just the way you are. And don't forget I love you.")

You can tell which episode and/or season it is based on Mariska's (Benson's) hairstyle

You scream at the tv when you know there was just a moment that would've been right for Elliot and Olivia to JUST KISS ALREADY!!

You were about to have a mental break down and hated Elliot for about 15 minutes in 2 episodes (woah, thats a lot of hate...haha) when he kissed Dani Beck and when she was there holding his hand when he got stabbed. (actually, the thing that pissed me off was that it was ELLIOT who grabbed dani's hand in the hospital when he got stabbed, not dani)

Your considering becoming a cop from watching so much svu. (i'll always wanna be a cop cuz of Benson!)

You threw things and yelled "Kathy is your EX-wife! Thats why the EX is there!!" when Elliot slept with Kathy. (oh, now that definately freakin pissed me off!)

Law and Order CI puts you to sleep. (Dunno..)

When you found out Kathy got pregnant the things you said would make a sailor blush ( WHAT?! NO!? %&$#! NO! YOU CAN'T BE PREGNANT! %&*#$!!! ELLIOT...WHAT THE $%&* HAVE YOU DONE?!) -(When I saw that ep. I totally went all out at my tv screen!)

You weren't bothered one bit by olivia saying "I found my brother", "He's my brother", or "I have a brother" 100 times in the last few episodes of season 8.

You watch svu WHENEVER it is on despite the amount of times you've seen the episode already (i'm pretty sure i could try and quote alot of lines from each ep. the i've seen)

If your idea of math equations are

When someone says "JFK", you think back to Munch's picture of JFK on his desk.

Your combination for your phone/iPod/computer etc. is either Elliot's or Olivia's badge number.

When you watched Zebras and saw Olivia kiss Stucky, your mouth hung open during the entire kiss. Then, you cackled with glee when Elliot kicked him, while you were yelling "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR KISSING ELLIOT'S WOMAN! YOU BASTARD!"

You surf the web looking for upcoming shows that the cast might be in.

You yelled at the televison until morning when Mariska lost her Screen Actors Guild Award to the lead actress on The Good Wife. (I could care less for mama drama.)

When they ask you who you look up to in school your reply is "Detective Olivia Benson", Elliot Stabler... etc. (and/or Mariska Hargitay, Christopher Meloni, etc.)

When someone puts down the show you are quick to defend with a swift "Oh, and did you win multiple Academy Awards for your performance? I don't THINK so!" (Wahoo Mariska!!)

Whenever someone figures out soemthing you announce "Bing bang bong!"

During an intense moment, you shout "DUN DUN!"

You are always looking over shoulder, looking for a chance to chase a perp down the street like Elliot and Olivia.

You have the "doink doink" as a ringtone. (Boo I don't have it...)

Your family never asks what you're going to watch on tv; they know it's SVU.

You freak out if you miss an episode, even if you've seen it a million times before.

You know they just said something funny even though the other people in the living room have no idea they were being funny. (ikr! I totally laugh and look at me like i am crazy!)

You ask yourself "what would Munch do?"

You watch "The Love Guru" just because he says "Mariska Hargitay" in the movie.

You get mad when there is no SVU marathon.

You start having conversations with yourself about whatever episode you're watching.

You think "Dani" is a bad four letter word.

You mistakenly call SUV's, SVU's.

You know the difference between the SVU and CI theme songs. ( i could tell SVU's theme song from anywhere)

Even small things, like the word "conspiraces" make you think of Munch. (If not. You are soo not a fan...of Munch anyhow..)

You know what the phrases "Moredock has dolphin porn" and "Porter and the teddy bear filled with cocaine" mean.

You constantly wonder when Casey will return from her disbarrment.

Something SVU related is mentioned and everyone looks at you.

When the perp asks a question you and Olivia/Elliot answer with the same answer at the same time.

You hum the theme song and your friends glare at you.

You watched the episode of Seinfield for the EXPRESS REASON that Mariska Hargitay was in it

You have dreams that you are part of the show and are catching criminals.

You have dreams that you are Olivia/Elliot and are catching criminals.

These dreams have made you realize you want to work in the Special Victims Unit.

You seriously consider joining the police force after watching the show.

You rejoiced to the heavens for twenty full minutes when Dani Beck left the show.

You are thinking of naming your kids Elliot and Olivia, Casey and John, etc.

You know the characters' lines before they've said them.

You cried uncontrollably when Calvin was taken away from Olivia... and then rewound it to watch it again.

When people complain that they want to watch something else, you grab the remote and growl at them menacingly, daring them to try to take it from you.

When your friends reach for the remote to change the show from SVU, you glare at them and threaten to bite their hand if they touch it.

When they try to take the remote, you bite their hand, fufilling your promise.

When they begin to yell at you for biting them, you turn back to the screen and complain that they are distracting you from your show and tell them to shut up.


If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours

If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with FanFiction, put this into your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like, two reviews, add this to your profile.

If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, put it on your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, put this in your profile.

If there are characters on a certain show that you HATE BEYOND ALL REASON... copy and paste this into your profile.

A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you are one of the ones that do and want to deck 'em, put this in your profile.

If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room for no reason, put this in your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when your stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing like, "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar to yourself. So if you're crazy, put this onto your profile.

If you've every been so obsessed with something that now everyone is terrified of you because of it's effects, put this into your profile.

If you think flamers should get a life, put this in your profile.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whatsoever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it have written, and you are one of the aforementioned people, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you like singing songs at random points in the day, copy this into your profile.

If you can listen to a song and match some of the lyrics up to your life copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you absolutely LOVE to sing even though you may or may not suck, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that you wasted two hours of you life watching High School Musical, copy and paste this on you profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile!

If you like it when your room is a mess, but your mom/dad disagrees, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.

٩(•̮̮̃•̃)۶ this is bob! copy and paste him on your profile so he gains world domination! LONG LIVE BOB!

If you have music in your soul copy and paste this into your profile.

You can judge me ,love me
If you are hating me
Do it honestly

If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on the table and/or hit your head on a shelf for no reason, put this in your profile..

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you've ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone, when you told them not to distract you because youwere busy, copy this into your profile.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile

If you can freak someone out just by glaring at them, copy and paste this on your profile.

If it completely pisses you off when someone says being gay is gross, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile

If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile.

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile

If you don't have a problem with Homosexuality copy this into your profile


Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

The road to success is always under construction.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Don't take life to serouly, no one gets out alive anyway

Life's tough...Get a helmet

If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends

Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do

Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died

"Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for."

"Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you."

"If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words."

Your shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark

Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum?

People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.

Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.

There are no stupid questions – just stupid people.

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either

Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over...

I don't obsess, I think intensely!

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda."

I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.

"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."

Nobody move! I dropped my brain."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"He who laughs last didn't get it."

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.

Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage.

Love me or hate me. Personally I could care less

Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.

Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.

When life gives you lemons, squirt them in the eyes of your enemies.

It's better to keep quiet and let someone think you're stupid, than to open your mouth and prove it.

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious

OMG! i think i just saw a flying bird!

let me write that down in my 'things i dont really give f about' notebook.

yea you have the right to your own opinion, but i have the right to think you're stupid.

25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys/girls don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy/girl
to come along, the one who's
brave enough to climb
all the way to
the top.

By An Unknown Author

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