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Vongola Ninja PM
Joined Dec '13

Hi Vongola Ninja here.

for those who want to know me well i'm a guy 19 of age and your average Scotsman who refuses to be considered British.

Hair brownish (wish it was black :( ) and blue eyes.

Favorite anime and manga:

Naruto/Bleach/Hitman Reborn/D.N. angle/Hellsing/Code geass/Negima/High school Of The Dead/One piece/Rave master

and a few others

my favorite anime characters from these would have to be:

Naruto,kakashi,lee,neji,hinata,gai,asuma,shikamaru,ino,Female haku (no way she a guy no Adams apple plus to cute),jiriya,ichigo,rukia,reborn,dark,riku,alucard,Walter,c.c,negi,nodoka,camo,Evangeline,rikan (he is just plain F*! AWESOME personified),nagi,takashi,saeko,saya,kota,zoro,sanji,robin,shanks,ace,white beard,gol .d. roger,haru,musica,elie and plue.

sorry bout this but i am kinda superstitious and one of my fav writers who btw is a d*ck for this got me to read this by accident so here

this is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Lucillia


First off, NaruSaku.

Naruto and Sakura interact often, usually very well. They are pretty comfortable, and many scenes between them are humorous. But as soon as Naruto acts out, Sakura makes sure he's put back into place, usually using violence, which does not count as any of the following:

Tough Love

Sakura usually punches Naruto because she is embarrassed of him or because he surprises her. But those are pretty stuoid excuses, don't you think? There's no doubt in my mind that Sakura obviously cares deeply for Naruto, but punching him just for basically being dumb? That's lame. Which is why I don't find their relationship to be very appealing.

Secondly, NaruHina.

Naruto and Hinata seem to have a very good, understanding relationship whenever they get the chance to talk. Naruto feels no need to act all high and mighty for her-- as proved in chapter 98. And, like NaruSaku, NaruHina seems to be a humorous relationship. But, humorous in a different way. Naruto and Hinata's
moments are usually sweet, almost like they're in a sort of love comedy. All goes well until Hinata passes out, which is also pretty funny.

But, the thing is, everything Hinata stands for, Naruto stands for. He changed her that way. I'm not trying to purposely paint NaruSaku in a negative light-- it's the truth. There is no love behind her punches-- nor is there any romance between the two so far. But Hinata's reasons for fainting, although not have much more purpose than Sakura's reasons for punching Naruto.


Naruto’s colour scheme consists of Yellow/Orange while Hinata’s consists of Blue/Purple. These colours are opposites on the colour wheel, hence showcasing how these two are opposites.

NaruHina parallels GokuChi, a pairing from DBZ, the show that has GREATLY inspired Kishimoto.

Hinata's name means something like "Towards the Sun" And Naruto is commonly described as being like the sun, as he shines light into the darkness in people's hearts.

Even Madara, Obito, and Pain are able to see these to have more than just a platonic relationship. I guess that’s one of the other abilities of the Rennigan.

Take a look at how Madara refers to Hinata here.

Missus is an informal way to refer to someones wife. Now obviously Naruto and Hinata aren’t married (yet), but this was right after the hand-holding scene, so you get my drift.

Look at Obito’s expression to Hinata and Naruto’s interaction.

And don’t forget what pain said after he “killed” Hinata.

There's no reason for Naruto and Sakura to be lovers as they're perfectly fine as friends. Sakura already has a good portion of the spotlight, especially in a shonen manga. However, everytime Hinata gets the spotlight it has something to do with Naruto. NaruHina not happening would be severely neglecting Hinata and her theme.
If Kishimoto wanted NaruSaku he would have made Hinata's feelings fade, but he didn't.
If Kishimoto wanted NaruSaku, he would have probably made it canon by now, they're all alone without Sasuke, so why hasn't it happened?
The NARUTO manga is all about friendship. Kishimoto is not going to throw that away to pave way for a romantic relationship between Team7 and/or Sai. He's going to want to either leave them single or pair them up outside of the team.
Sakura knows about Hinata's feelings for Naruto, it wouldn't be very nice on her part to still chase after him.

Counter Arguments

Kushina told Naruto to get a girl like her and not a weird girl!

I will admit that Sakura is like a Kushina Zetsu, but do you really think Kushina was refering to her bad traits? Moreover, Naruto is no where near like is father in terms of personality.
For the record, Naruto doesn’t think Hinata is weird. Second of all, the sole reason Kushina says find someone like your mother was because she assumed he’d turn out like his father, but he turned out like her, loud, hot headed and impatient. While Minato is humble, calm, level-headed, and quite. So who does this sound like to you? Hyuuga Hinata.

NaruSaku doesn’t parralel MinaKushi for this one reason:



Therefore, if anything MinaKushi = NaruHina & SasuKarin/Saku

Now let’s compare NaruHina childhood to MinaKushi childhood.

Naruto/Kushina are hated by most of the students for being themselves, and they also boldly state to become Hokage. Naruto/Kushina, while they didn’t hate Hinata/Minato, they viewed them in a bad way, with Naruto thinking Hinata’s dark and Kushina thinking Minato’s a wimp. Naruto/Kushina didn’t pay much attention to Hinata/Minato, but they did watch them from afar. But Naruto/Kushina noticed them when they stepped in to protect them from harm.

MinaKushi also shows that you don’t need to spend every waking second with someone in order to love them, as shown in how Minato loved Kushina without knowing her well, and she returned his feelings. Same applies for NaruHina.

Naruto never gives up, its his nindo!

Naruto has never told Sakura he loved her, and it was never his goal to get together with Sakura. Naruto's goal is to be*acknowledged, to*become Hokage*and to bring*Sasuke back. Besides, why would he need to work to be acknowledged by Sakura when he is already acknowledged by Hinata? Let's look at Hinata's theme: "Believe in yourself." How would that theme fit if Naruto ends up never acknowledging Hinata and rejects her for Sakura, someone who rejected him throughout most of Part1? That's not fair.
Oh, and not to forget, Naruto's nindo is "never take back my words", not giving up. He has never mentioned he would get Sakura to love him in Part1, so I don't see what the problem is.

Naruto would get Sakura to acknowledge him by loving him!

Not necessarily. Sakura already acknowledges Naruto, she already knows about Kyuubi, she knows him probably better than most people. If the above is the case, then why hasn't NaruSaku happened yet? They already know each other well, you'd think they'd be canon by now but they're not. Makes you think, doesn't it?

Hinata was never there for naruto!

A)Neither was Sakura
B)She had a strict father who broke her self-esteem, what did you expect?
C)Your argument is invalid because Naruto disagrees with you, and that’s all that matters.

Sai’s flashback AFTER the Pain arc shows Naruto still loves Sakura.

As you just said yourself, this was Sai thinking this and not Naruto, therefore it doesn’t matter. This flashback wasn’t placed here to show that Naruto still has feelings for Sakura, it was shown to show that Sai is starting to become more human and care about his team mates.

What about the date?

That date held no romatic context what so ever, Kishi said so himself.*

The NaruHina in the anime were only fillers!

True. But why did the animators necessarily put NaruHina in the fillers? Why'd they do that if they knew it could end some other way ending up with loads of dissapointed fans on their asses? Its absolutely normal for manga authors to tell animators how they're going to end the manga or at least what they have planned. I don't think the animators are stupid enough to put NaruHina in if they knew NaruSaku would or could happen.

Hinata can become strong without Naruto! Wouldn't that show her character development? Wouldn't that make her a better charcater?

If anyone were to ask me this, I'd applaud them for being a good debater, but it won't work on me. Hinata's source for inspiration? Naruto, Hinata's reason to grow? Naruto. Unlike Sakura's crush for Sasuke keeping her immature, Hinata's crush for Naruto did the opposite, made her mature, made her stronger. Yes, Hinata can become acknowledged by her clan and become strong, but it wouldn't resolve her feelings for Naruto. I already proved how Naruto's feelings for Sakura had resolved, but Hinata's - maybe being a minor character - feelings have yet to be resolved.

NejiHina and KibaHina are better options for her.
Guess what?
Neji supports NaruHina:

Kiba supports NaruHina, he knows Hinata's feelings for Naruto:

That's not all*Sakura* also has a clue on what is going on;

Hinata shouldn't be a mere love interest!

Just because Hinata may be the main character's love interest doesn't mean that's all there is to her character. You're the one assuming it so. The Byakugan's origins are yet to be revealed, and with the Byakugan being a Dojutsu, it's not gonna be left out. That's when Hinata comes in, Kishi himse;f has said 2013 will have Hyuga Clan Development.

*insert nonsense here about Naruto making Hinata weak and how its like SasuIno/SasuSaku that way here*

As someone who hates SasuSaku and loves NaruHina I'm profoundly*insulted. You’re insulting Naruto as the main character;*Naruto's role as a main character is to influence people and make them strong.Hinata is no exception. Saying Naruto makes someone weak, especially when it comes to Hinata, is the most outrageous and laughable thing I have ever heard in the fandom. Fact is, Naruto makes Hinata strong just like he influences every other character in the manga from Zabuza to Gaara to Tsunade*its his role as a main character.*I know I'm repeating myself, but if you're so moronic to think that Naruto makes someone weak then dear, you need to be spoon-fed.

Hinata's actually one of the very few characters that returns that and makes Naruto stronger.Previously, that was only seen in Iruka.

Naruto makes Hinata stronger, that was predictable. Hinata making Naruto stronger, however, was unexpected.

Hinata could never understand Naruto!

That is true and not true

Hinata's past is gravely underestimated; She had no loved ones until probably Team Eight, her mother is more likely than not dead, Neji as a branch member used her as an arguement for him to take over the Main Branch and constantly used her as the symbol of how unfair the situation was as she had the advantage even if she was weaker and the Main Branch knew this and therefore hated her for that, her father technically abandoning her. Hinata's past deserves to be up there with Naruto's, Sasuke's and Gaara's and as someone who can relate to the jinchuuriki I can assure you of that with first hand experience myself.

However, if you want to specifically pull out the jinchuuriki card you may as well say Naruto will not end up with anybody unless you're arguing GaaNaru.

This is a shonen manga! The guys are supposed to get what they want and girls really don't matter!

Interesting that you mention this; its an oxymoron.
1.) Yes, Naruto is supposed to get what he wants, but its not specifically Sakura: Naruto wants love and to be loved, to be acknowledged. It doesn't matter on who's account. Really, it'd be better off for Naruto not to get something that he wanted*at the beginning of the manga*because, hey, the main character needs some character development too. And guess what? A lot of that was because of Hinata.

2.) Yes, this is a shonen manga, but this manga a specific target is achieving GOALS
Hinata's goal is to confess to Naruto and get acknowledgment from him.
First part is sort of done.
Second part isn't, as she wasn't there at the end of the Neji/Naruto battle.
Really, achieving goals triumphs over sexism here.

Naruto will surpass Jiriaya and get the girl he wants! NaruSaku = JirTsunade

Ever stop to think what it exactly is that they’re meant to surpass? Naruto is meant to surpass Jiriaya in bringing peace to the world, not getting laid. And another thing I notice is that NaruSaku always leave Dan out of this equation. Yes, Naruto is Jiriaya and yes Sakura is Tsundae, but then who’s Sasuke? Dan, that’s who.

Dan disappeared from the life of Tsunade (just like Sasuke and Sakura) and she didn’t just go and replace him with option #2, Jiriaya (Naruto). Now Jiriaya, after Dan’s death, continued to flirt with Tsunade from time to time, but he fully accepted the fact that he wouldn’t, shouldn’t and can’t replace Dan as Tsunade’s lover. Why? Because Tsunade truly loved him. Same goes for Naruto, who flirted but wasn’t serious about anything since he new Sasuke was who she loved, and who she would ever love.

Hinata does not have feelings for Naruto, it is only admiration!

Naruto still loves/likes Sakura!

No, he doesn't. I won't argue on Sakura loving Naruto, but if that's the case, then its not requited. Naruto knew and accepted that Sakura did not like him back in Part1 right before the the Sasuke Retrieval arc

Remember when Sasuke was hospitalized and when he woke up Sakura jumped to embrace him leaving Naruto pensive? I'm pretty sure that it was more or less that moment when Naruto gave up his feelings on Sakura before the time jump which is what? 2 or 3 years? That's a long time. I'm pretty sure he'd give up his feelings by then.

Naruto loves Sakura, not Hinata! Sakura is what's best for him!

Hinata is better at keeping it cool when Naruto does something dumb. And, she's also better at understanding him. Sakura is not what is best for him at the moment, because Naruto endured one of the deepest pains-- rejection. Naruto was constantly being rejected by the villagers (and numerous times by Sakura) and Hinata was rejected by her father, her own flesh and blood. Perhaps once Sakura can understand and accept the fact that Naruto will never change in that aspect, then she could become a very likely competitor in the blonde's love life. But until that day, right now it seems that Hinata understands him better.*

Hinata wouldn't be able to handle a relationship with Naruto! She's too shy!

Not so. The only reason Hinata is like that around Naruto is because she loves him. Now that she has confessed, most of that tension should be gone. And, if she were to develop a relationship with Naruto, I'm sure all of her nervousness would be gone-- a big leap for her character development.*

People fail to see Hinata's character here; yes, Hinata is shy. However, she's not*that shy. Whenever she did get close to Naruto, she's the one that has striked up the conversation. Part of NaruHina is Hinata overcoming that shyness and that "fate" (Neji was to represent this in the chuunin exam) of never achieving goals and that was represented by Neji's "caged bird" comparison.

Anyways, as of late Hinata is no longer the shy little girl she used to be, and is acting more and more like her sensei Kurenia.

What about Yamato's speech in 249?

You must be tired of hearing this, so why keep bringing it up?

First of all, Yamato only knew them for what, two weeks? He doesn't know about Sasuke or Hinata. At first glance, they seemed pretty obvious. But then these two came into the picture. Sasuke and Hinata are there for a reason-- they can't be treated like pieces of meat. Secondly, he never finished. There was NO cut off 'L', NO logic behind his speech because of his absence during Part I, and no one knows what he was about to say. Only Kishimoto. And, you know what? If Kishimoto really wanted it to happen, he would have made him finish.*

It's more than obvious that Kishimoto likes and ships NaruSaku! He put them on the same team, and now Sakura's starting to like Naruto back!

There is no proof that she has A. Dropped her feelings for Sasuke, or B. Fallen for Naruto. No solid evidence, no hints, nothing. Naruto has a crush on Sakura. Sakura is in love with Sasuke. Hinata is in love with Naruto. Nothing really changed much over the years. Also... if NaruSaku was canon, don't you think he would have left Hinata out? Her character is almost entirely based on her feelings for Naruto. Her feelings for Naruto have carried on to Part II. Why? If Kishimoto kept them, they must have some sort of significance.*

Kishimoto also stated that he found it hard to add romance. Developing a romantic relationship between the two main characters would be easy. Creating romance between two people who hardly see each other is hard.

We told you so! Sakura recently confessed her feelings for Naruto!

Yes. And Naruto told her off. He could tell she was lying, and so could everyone else. Even the almighty Yamato, who so obviously supports NaruSaku. Kiba, Yamato, Kakashi, Lee... they all knew. So did I. And I have to admit, I lost a bit of respect for Sakura after that. But... at least she was doing it out of concern for Naruto. And notice it's not out of love. She wanted him to forget about the promise he made to her, but he said that the Promise was irrelevant to why he was chasing Sasuke. And the way she 'confessed'... it was simply so insincere, that I found it funny. How believable is, "I'm confessing now, so listen up!"? Sakura might as well have told Naruto that he was her second choice, which proves that we were right-- she was using him as a replacement for Sasuke. She also said, "I'm sorry, Naruto." She was crying, because she knew how much that must've hurt him. She knew he deserved better than that, and realized the mistake she had made in lying. That was the least romantic confession in the history of manga.*

And speaking of the confession, all you NaruHina fans are going crazy! All she did was confess-- it doesn't mean he will automatically love her!

Guess what? It doesn't. You are half right, half wrong.

While it doesn't mean he will automatically love her, it does mean that he knows someone truly accepts him for everything he is-- The dumbass Jinchuuriki host to Kyuubi no Yoko whom everyone hates-- and is really in love with him. Someone who sees no flaws whatsoever in him. That is very important. Sakura's punches show that she feels Naruto needs to change, or grow up in some way. But Hinata could care less-- in fact, if she could have it her way, he could stay like that forever. So, no, it doesn't mean he's in love with her. But it raises the possibility of him*learning*to love her back a great deal.

Naruto saves both Hinata and Sakura in chapter 558/9!

I beg to differ.

Hinata’s scene is different in that Naruto blocked an attack from harming her, and that panel was made for a reason. *hint, hint*

Anyways, Sakura isn’t the only one Naruto saves, he also saves Shizune and some Akimichi dude.

Also, whle we don’t see anymore of the medics, we get a whole scene of Naruto and Hinata.

Their both able to read each others eyes, eh? Seems like these two are closer than you NS fans thought.

Naruto only holds Hinata’s hand to give her chakra!
Ok, where do I begin? Oh I know, how about the fact that Naruto isn't a jerk? Naruto understands how weak emotions are and how much it hurts when those emotions are played around with.

Proof? No problem.

and take a look at this

"Naruto is enraged by Sakura's confession"
Sakura herself realizes her mistake of lying to him and knows how much that must have hurt him.

there's your proof.

This goes to show Naruto isn't one to play around with others' feelings, so what makes you think he would slowly grab Hinata's hand, hold it and thank her for always being by his side, if he didn't have some sort of romantic*interest*in her? He's not one to give Hinata false hope.

LoL, I guess NarutoXAlliance is now canon

This argument is SO stupid, all I’m going to say is: Look at previous argument.

He never does actually hold anyone’s hand anyways.

Shonen Jump released an interview with Kishimoto, where they asked him an attention-grabbing question:

by telling me that "at least one case will be requited" and how Kishimoto hopes its naruhina, I'm getting the hint its the only pairing that will happen. Its great, as its the only pairing out of those I support.

NaruHina is just a Red Herring! NaruSaku will happen in the end.

Don't make me laugh XD. The story is at it's final hours, and everything has been pointing towards NaruHina for the past 150 chapters. And if you think NS will happen through hinata's death, yeaaaaaaah...Neji's death would be pointless at that point,so no.

Finally, I’d like to say that Kishi originally intended Hinata to be Ramen guy’s daughter and work at Ichiraku Ramen and be Naruto’s love interest, but was turned into a ninja, however, her role didn’t change as Naruto’s lover.

Thank You For Reading J

sorry again but like i said i am supper superstitious so

"They hurt her"

About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.

FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.

Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true.

If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you.

Had to copy and paste these

Man Law

1. No wasted beer in the name of humour.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control.

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home. (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friends home.)

5. Short-shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler. This is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare in case a friend is in desperate need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man.

12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

13. When a man is borrowing a buddy's tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey... who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours?

14. When your friend picks up a hot girl... however the hot girl has an ugly friend... it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be repaid.

15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper-rock-scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 15:

If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride, unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.

16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

18. You poke it you own it.

19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.

20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye-to-eye if she was to ever find out.

21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to ensure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting girls does not count… rule is an exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.

22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girl's pants… (Or any other article of clothing).

23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.

24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

25. Being a pirate should be considered a manly job because pirates get two types of booty.

26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat; if not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.

27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice. No need to say "I'm Sorry".

29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated, refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.)

30. Under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another man’s attempt at getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man Status and its privileges, and will result in the title 'Manbitch'.

31. Every man should watch Sportscenter at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.

32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight, seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used if said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an UFC cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime, and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it.

33. If a woman is present, whether family or friend, no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as: Mother's Day, birthdays, or St. Patrick's Day... or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from 'Man' to 'Manbitch' and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

35. Women can't drive.

36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of 'Manbitch' from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly... and what is not.

38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don’t agree with the war, they are your countrymen fighting to protect you and you should show them your support.

39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years' past.

40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play. When leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

42. A man will not live in his parents' house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.

43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman, "Do you like this?" And the right to leave the room.

44. Sex is more important than talking.

45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

46. Grilling, regardless of weather, is always the first choice for cooking.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

48. Men will invite other men to Man Law

49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it’s not their brand."

50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game, shoes or not.

51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.

52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.

53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you can’t drink it in said time, your Man Status will be up for review.

55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be stacked or crushed, while the bottles may be thrown into neighbor’s lawn.

57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (Except the entertainment).

60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

61. A man purse is still a purse.

62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.

63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team.

64. No man shall bring a woman to the guys' night out. This is punishable by verbal abuse for life.

65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.)

66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.

67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service.

68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

69. No man shall ever, under any circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.

70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race where the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.

71. The girl who replies to the question, "What do you want for Christmas?" with, "If you loved me, you'd know what I want," gets an Xbox. End of story.

72. Keeping beer from others by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides, sharing is caring.

73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.

74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man.

75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done, but only when alone or with other men.

77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, it is perfectly accepted to watch.

80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.

81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, Lacrosse, or Ice Hockey.

82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable. Any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal. Exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. Exception to this rule are monkeys.

83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler... ever... unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that comes in a bottle.

84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.

85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.
1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.
2. Your date is using her teeth.
3. Anna Kournikova gets married (female’s identity is subject to change depending on time period Man Law is read).

86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away.

88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.

89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.

90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.

91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monte Cristo, CAO.

92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item, trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined.

93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet.

94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "Down in Tijuana," "One time when we were all piss drunk," or "And this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw."

97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination. Beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!" (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own -grill, car, firstborn child- within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional.)

104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. You should know such things.

106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes - as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

109. You cannot rat out a friend who shows up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks it’s broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patrick’s Day. Green and/or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter.

112. When passing another man in a tight area where contact is possible, hole-to-hole or pole-to-pole are only acceptable. If it is pole-to-pole no eye contact should be made. If any detour from this is spotted by any onlooking men, possible labels such as "Fag" may be deemed necessary, resulting immediate demotion in man status.

The Situation in Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


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