15(Further) Adventures in Engineering: Welcome to the Jungle » When the jungle dragon brings down the Tyrian fleet, Pact Engineer Von Ffeldy can't catch a break. With his weapons lost, his toolkit scattered through the foliage, and a mordrem vine choking the breath out of him, rescue should come as a relief. But Ffeldy can never tell if the sarcastic sylvari is joking or not, and to what extent the Commander wants to use him to her own ends.
Guild Wars, T, English, Adventure & Humor, chapters: 8, words: 22k+, favs: 4, follows: 4, updated: 8/7 published: 9/2/2019, OC, Canach, Commander, Mordremoth
The Courgettes of Incorrigibility Sworn to defend the Phantomhive manor against all enemies (animal, mineral, and yes, vegetable) Chef Baldroy vows to torch the blighter who keeps leaving piles of zucchini on the doorstep. But when a flamethrower ambush leads to an unexpected conflagration of the heart, Bard just might learn that "summer fling" doesn't have to involve unwanted produce. Co-authored with Motchi
Final Fantasy VII & Kuroshitsuji, T, English, Romance & Humor, words: 1k+, 7/10, Tifa L., Baldroy, Finnian, Sebastian M.
Where There's a Whale, There's a Way When Ishmael angsts over never having kissed Queequeg, the crew of the Pequod rally around to serve up a cavalcade of romcom clichés in their misguided attempts to find Ishmael his happily ever after. They're serious about putting romcom back into Romanticism—and if there ain't no extravagant musical number sung in the shadow of a breaching whale, then by Neptune, it ain't love.
Moby Dick, T, English, Parody & Romance, words: 5k+, 7/7, Ishmael, Ahab, Queequeg, Starbuck
22 The Engineer and the Ingénu » When his attempt to dodge the Seraph draft leads to a black eye and an embarrassing arrest in a moa shed, 18-year-old Ffeldy will be lucky to get a job as apprentice armorer in the Mists. In a series of misadventures proving Ffeldy does NOT have what it takes to be fighter, mage, or thief, his ineptitude catches the eye of an asuran engineer in need of a suitable test subject.
Guild Wars, T, English, Adventure & Humor, chapters: 12, words: 35k+, favs: 10, follows: 10, updated: 8/18/2018 published: 4/2/2014, Asura, Human, Logan T., OC
31 The Spirit is Willing, but the Chef is Weak » With Sebastian micromanaging meal preparation in the Phantomhive kitchens, the only way chef Baldroy can get noticed is by bringing out the heavy firepower. Maybe it's time for Bard to take his culinary education into his own hands, even if it means overcoming demons of the non-Sebastian kind. If he fails, his finger is on the chopping block. The butler never makes empty threats!
Kuroshitsuji, T, English, Drama & Humor, chapters: 7, words: 15k+, favs: 20, follows: 12, updated: 6/20/2015 published: 4/14/2015, Baldroy, Finnian, Mey-Rin, Sebastian M.
1The Love Song of Engineer Prufrock: A PVP Poem GW2 pvp takes an existentialist turn when Engi Prufrock tries to get on the leaderboards. Matches are futile...and then you die. Apologies to T.S. Eliot, and also to any reader who has neither majored in English Lit nor obsessively played pvp. If you like this one (and why should you?), check out my Gunga PVP poem, too.
Guild Wars, T, English, Poetry & Parody, words: 615, 1/5/2015
1Gunga PvP: A Poem If you play enough GW2, you come to realize that there are different types of players: the casual-only players who hate PvP, and the PvPers who hate casual players playing PvP (go on, say that three times fast). This is an homage to the latter. Sort of.
Guild Wars, T, English, Humor & Parody, words: 264, favs: 2, follows: 1, 8/14/2014
1 In Which Our Brave Heroes Unveil a Dastardly Felon This one-shot started as an exercise in excessive purple prose that got hilariously out of hand. Someone stole Alistair's helmet! Who? Pokes fun of those "The [adjective] sun rose in the [adjective] sky, casting its [adjective] light over the [adjective] land" openings, paradoxes of description, and also those shared armor game mechanics. Maybe you'll even laugh.
Dragon Age, T, English, Humor & Parody, words: 578, favs: 2, follows: 1, 5/1/2014, Alistair, Leliana, Zevran A., Anders