Hee Ho, my name is AZalmega and I'm pretty much an avid fanfiction reader, an anime/movie watcher, a comic reader to a certain extend and a professional when it comes to being a nerd. Also, this is my second account, the one that I use to read and favorite great stories plus super amazing authors with a particular set of writing skills. It's also why my profile page is super long compared to my writer account.
PS: If you do know me from my writer account, please PM me so on that account. This is an account for my max relaxation and please respect my wish to do so. I'm speaking to you mostly, 27nuggut.
Without further ado, let's get on to Da Most Tres Bien Profile Page of ALL TIME!!!!
Copy and paste this into your profile if when you were young... There were only 150 Pokemon. Digimon was popular. Yugi-Oh actually had Yugi in it. You didn’t get weird looks when you went Trick-or-Treating. Nobody cared what you looked like. Hamtaro ROCKED. Catching a pidgeon was cool. Pirates before Pirates of the Carribean. Nobody knew how to spell 'Volcano'. Pinky and the brain were cartoon characters, not body parts. Saying 'moron' was a swear word. Fire was considered dangerous. The only thing you had to worry about were cooties. Cursive writing was just a bunch of swirly lines. Multiplication was scary-Dora the Explorer and that goddamned monkey who follows her EVERYWHERE didn't exist.The first Harry Potter was the coolest thing since sliced bread. If you were, copy and paste then write your name. Catemonster, Angel Dumott Schunard Collins,Dumott Schunard, sundrynotes, Hoiki, Puppy Death Glare, Kit-Kat Punk-lover, orochimarusbadgirl, ShinigamiMailJeevas, killing u with umbrellas, arielrapunzel1250, AZalmega,...
Six truths in life
1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time: a physical impossibility
2. All idiots, after reading this will try it
3. And discover that it's a lie
4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.
5. You will soon post this on your profile for another idiot to see.
6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.
I sincerely apologize about this but I am an idiot and i needed company =)
If you count as an idiot, post this onto your profile!
-And HERE... is the official Evil Overlord List. All you need to know to be a SUCCESSFUL Evil Overlord!
- My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
- My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
- My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
- Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
- The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
- I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
- When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
- After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
- I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
- I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
- I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
- One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
- All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
- The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
- I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 1:17 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
- I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
- When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
- I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
- I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
- Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
- I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look likeNazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
- No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
- I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way — even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless — my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
- I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, This Cannot Be!! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
- No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
- No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
- I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
- My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
- I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
- All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
- All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
- I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
- I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
- I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
- I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
- I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
- If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
- If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
- If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
- I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
- Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
- When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
- I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
- I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
- I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
- If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This," and kill the advisor.
- If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
- I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
- If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
- My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
- If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
- I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
- If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
- I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
- The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
- My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
- Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
- If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
- I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
- My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
- If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed unless I have a response that satisfies them.
- I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
- Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
- I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
- If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
- My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
- No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
- I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
- All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
- When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
- If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
- If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
- I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
- When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
- I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
- If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
- If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
- I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
- If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
- If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
- If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
- I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
- If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
- I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
- I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
- I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
- My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
- If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
- After I capture the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
- I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
- I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
- If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
- If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
- When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
- My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
- My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
- My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
- If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
- Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45MB in size.
- Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
- I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me — I'll do it myself.
- I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident — I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.
- I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.
- My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
- I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a Mad Scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused. I will also make sure that he does not have an extremely beautiful and extremely impressionable daughter.
- If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.
- Even though I don't really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won'ttumble to the ground for no good structural reason.
- Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.
- I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.
- I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.
- I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed.
- I will not rely entirely upon "totally reliable" spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans.
- I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.
- I will never accept a challenge from the hero.
- I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers are dead.
- If I capture the hero's starship, I will keep it in the landing bay with the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty and a ton of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the blast-range.
- No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling "Leave him. He's mine!"
- If I have equipment which performs an important function, it will not be activated by a lever that someone could trigger by accidentally falling on when fatally wounded.
- I will not attempt to kill the hero by placing a venomous creature in his room. It will just wind up accidentally killing one of my clumsy henchmen instead.
- Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to fire one more shot than the standard issue.
- If I come into possession of an artifact which can only be used by the pure of heart, I will not attempt to use it regardless.
- The gun turrets on my fortress will not rotate enough so that they may direct fire inward or at each other.
- If I decide to hold a contest of skill open to the general public, contestants will be required to remove their hooded cloaks and shave their beards before entering.
- Prior to kidnapping an older male scientist and forcing him to work for me, I will investigate his offspring and make sure that he has neither a beautiful but naive daughter who is willing to risk anything to get him back, nor an estranged son who works in the same field but had a falling-out with his father many years ago.
- Should I actually decide to kill the hero in an elaborate escape-proof deathtrap room (water filling up, sand pouring down, walls converging, etc.) I will not leave him alone five to ten minutes prior to "imminent" death, but will instead (finding a vantage point or monitoring camera) stick around and enjoy watching my adversary's demise.
- Rather than having only one secret escape pod, which the hero can easily spot and follow, I'll simultaneously launch a few dozen decoys to throw him off track.
- Prison guards will have their own cantina featuring a wide variety of tasty treats that will deliver snacks to the guards while on duty. The guards will also be informed that accepting food or drink from any other source will result in execution.
- I will not employ robots as agents of destruction if there is any possible way that they can be re-programmed or if their battery packs are externally mounted and easily removable.
- Despite the delicious irony, I will not force two heroes to fight each other in the arena.
- All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.
- I will never place the key to a cell just out of a prisoner's reach.
- Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will conduct a thorough background investigation and security clearance.
- If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has been associating with the hero, I'll have her executed. It's regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new fortresses and maybe the next one will pay attention at the orientation meeting.
- If I am escaping in a large truck and the hero is pursuing me in a small Italian sports car, I will not wait for the hero to pull up alongside of me and try to force him off the road as he attempts to climb aboard. Instead I will slam on the brakes when he's directly behind me. (A rudimentary knowledge of physics can prove quite useful.)
- My doomsday machine will have a highly-advanced technological device called a capacitor in case someone inconveniently pulls the plug at the last second. (If I have access to REALLY advanced technology, I will include a back-up device known as a battery.)
- If I build a bomb, I will simply remember which wire to cut if it has to be deactivated and make every wire red.
- Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture, I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could use the extra budget.
- The passageways to and within my domain will be well-lit with fluorescent lighting. Regrettably, the spooky atmosphere will be lost, but my security patrols will be more effective.
- If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)
- I will instruct my guards when checking a cell that appears empty to look for the chamber pot. If the chamber pot is still there, then the prisoner has escaped and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it or else he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is obviously deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there's no point in entering.
- As an alternative to not having children, I will have lots of children. My sons will be too busy jockeying for position to ever be a real threat, and the daughters will all sabotage each other's attempts to win the hero.
- If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep my three-year-old granddaughter near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it is necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation of morality way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords and it's important to spend quality time with the grandkids.
- If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his honor.
- I will order my guards to stand in a line when they shoot at the hero so he cannot duck and have them accidentally shoot each other. Also, I will order some to aim above, below, and to the sides so he cannot jump out of the way.
- My dungeon cell decor will not feature exposed pipes. While they add to the gloomy atmosphere, they are good conductors of vibrations and a lot of prisoners know Morse code.
- If my surveillance reports any un-manned or seemingly innocent ships found where they are not supposed to be, they will be immediately vaporized instead of brought in for salvage.
- I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will be awarded posthumously.
- Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn't possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn't possibly work.
- Ropes supporting various fixtures will not be tied next to open windows or staircases, and chandeliers will be hung way at the top of the ceiling.
- I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs so my choices are not limited to "hand to hand combat with swords" and "blow up the planet".
- I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is reserved for my trusted lieutenant.
- I will instruct my fashion designer that when it comes to accessorizing, second-chance body armor goes well with every outfit.
- My Legions of Terror will be an equal-opportunity employer. Conversely, when it is prophesied that no man can defeat me, I will keep in mind the increasing number of non-traditional gender roles.
- I will instruct my Legions of Terror in proper search techniques. In particular, if they are searching for escapees and someone shouts, "Quick! They went that way!", they must first ascertain the identity of this helpful informant before dashing off in hot pursuit.
- If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.
- If I have the hero and his party trapped, I will not wait until my Superweapon charges to finish them off if more conventional means are available.
- Whenever plans are drawn up that include a time-table, I'll post-date the completion 3 days after it's actually scheduled to occur and not worry too much if they get stolen.
- I will exchange the labels on my folder of top-secret plans and my folder of family recipes. Imagine the hero's surprise when he decodes the stolen plans and finds instructions for Grandma's Potato Salad.
- If I burst into rebel headquarters and find it deserted except for an odd, blinking device, I will not walk up and investigate; I'll run like hell.
- Before being accepted into my Legions of Terror, potential recruits will have to pass peripheral vision and hearing tests, and be able to recognize the sound of a pebble thrown to distract them.
- I will occasionally vary my daily routine and not live my life in a rut. For example, I will not always take a swig of wine or ring a giant gong before finishing off my enemy.
- If I steal something very important to the hero, I will not put it on public display.
- When planning an expedition, I will choose a route for my forces that does not go through thick, leafy terrain conveniently located near the rebel camp.
- I will hire one hopelessly stupid and incompetent lieutenant, but make sure that he is full of misinformation when I send him to capture the hero.
- As an equal-opportunity employer, I will have several hearing-impaired body-guards. That way if I wish to speak confidentially with someone, I'll just turn my back so the guards can't read my lips instead of sending all of them out of the room.
- If the rebels manage to trick me, I will make a note of what they did so that I do not keep falling for the same trick over and over again.
- If I am recruiting to find someone to run my computer systems, and my choice is between the brilliant programmer who's head of the world's largest international technology conglomerate and an obnoxious 15-year-old dork who's trying to impress his dream girl, I'll take the brat and let the hero get stuck with the genius.
- I will plan in advance what to do with each of my enemies if they are captured. That way, I will never have to order someone to be tied up while I decide his fate.
- If I have massive computer systems, I will take at least as many precautions as a small business and include things such as virus-scans and firewalls.
- I will be an equal-opportunity despot and make sure that terror and oppression is distributed fairly, not just against one particular group that will form the core of a rebellion.
- I will not locate a base in a volcano, cave, or any other location where it would be ridiculously easy to bypass security by rapelling down from above.
- I will allow guards to operate under a flexible work schedule. That way if one is feeling sleepy, he can call for a replacement, punch out, take a nap, and come back refreshed and alert to finish out his shift.
- Although it would provide amusement, I will not confess to the hero's rival that I was the one who committed the heinous act for which he blames the hero.
- If I am dangling over a precipice and the hero reaches his hand down to me, I will not attempt to pull him down with me. I will allow him to rescue me, thank him properly, then return to the safety of my fortress and order his execution.
- I will have my fortress exorcised regularly. Although ghosts in the dungeon provide an appropriate atmosphere, they tend to provide valuable information once placated.
- I will add indelible dye to the moat. It won't stop anyone from swimming across, but even dim-witted guards should be able to figure out when someone has entered in this fashion.
- If a scientist with a beautiful and unmarried daughter refuses to work for me, I will not hold her hostage. Instead, I will offer to pay for her future wedding and her children's college tuition.
- If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he says "Look out behind you!!" I will not laugh and say "You don't expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?" Instead I will take a step to the side and half turn. That way I can still keep my weapon trained on the hero, I can scan the area behind me, and if anything was heading for me it will now be heading for him.
- I will not outsource core functions.
- If I ever build a device to transfer the hero's energy into me, I will make sure it cannot operate in reverse.
- I will decree that all hay be shipped in tightly-packed bales. Any wagonload of loose hay attempting to pass through a checkpoint will be set on fire.
- I will not hold any sort of public celebration within my castle walls. Any event open to members of the public will be held down the road in the festival pavilion.
- Before using any device which transfers energy directly into my body, I will install a surge suppressor.
- I will hire a drama coach. The hero will think it must be a case of mistaken identity when confronted by my Minnesota accent (if everyone sounds American) or my Cornwall accent (if everyone sounds British).
- If I capture an enemy known for escaping via ingenious and fantastic little gadgets, I will order a full cavity search and confiscate all personal items before throwing him in my dungeon.
- I will not devise any scheme in which Part A consists of tricking the hero into unwittingly helping me and Part B consists of laughing at him then leaving him to his own devices.
- I will not hold lavish banquets in the middle of a famine. The good PR among the guests doesn't make up for the bad PR among the masses.
- I will funnel some of my ill-gotten gains into urban renewal projects. Although slums add a quaint and picturesque quality to any city, they too often contain unexpected allies for heroes.
- I will never tell the hero "Yes I was the one who did it, but you'll never be able to prove it to that incompetent old fool." Chances are, that incompetent old fool is standing behind the curtain.
- If my mad scientist/wizard tells me he has almost perfected my Superweapon but it still needs more testing, I will wait for him to complete the tests. No one ever conquered the world using a beta version.
- I will not appoint a relative to my staff of advisors. Not only is nepotism the cause of most breakdowns in policy, but it also causes trouble with the EEOC.
- If I appoint someone as my consort, I will not subsequently inform her that she is being replaced by a younger, more attractive woman.
- If I am using the hero's girlfriend as a hostage and am holding her at the point of imminent death when confronting the hero, I will focus on her and not him. He won't try anything with his true love held hostage. On the other hand, the fact that she has been weak, slow-witted, naive and generally useless up to this pointhas no bearing on her actions at the moment of dramatic climax.
- I will make several ludicrously erroneous maps to secret passages in my fortress and hire travellers to entrust them to aged hermits.
- I will not use hostages as bait in a trap. Unless you're going to use them for negotiation or as human shields, there's no point in taking them.
- I will hire an expert marksman to stand by the entrance to my fortress. His job will be to shoot anyone who rides up to challenge me.
- I will explain to my Legions of Terror that guns are ranged weapons and swords are not. Anyone who attempts to throw a sword at the hero or club him with a gun will be summarily executed.
- I will remember that any vulnerabilities I have are to be revealed strictly on a need-to-know basis. I will also remember that no one needs to know.
- I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory.
- During times of peace, my Legions of Terror will not be permitted to lie around drinking mead and eating roast boar. Instead they will be required to obey my dietician and my aerobics instructor.
-16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME, PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
-Things to try on an elevator:
1. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
2. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask them to call you admiral.
3. Meow occasionally.
4. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of them!" and back away slowly.
5. Say 'DING' at each floor.
6. Make explosion noises when someone presses a button.
7. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk then announce that this is your personal space.
8. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap him/her on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
9. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
10. Call out a group hug, then enforce it.
11. Wait until the elevator is full then say: "I bet you are wondering why I gathered all of you here today."
-33 Things to do in an Elevator:
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - And back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
23. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
24. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
25. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
26. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
27. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
28. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift totting.
29. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
30. Tell people that you can see their aura.
31. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
32. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
33. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
-Whoever said that nothing's impossible obviously hasn't tried slamming a revolving door.
-Whoever said "Words don't hurt" obviously hasn't gotten a hard-back encyclopedia thrown at his head before.
-When the going gets tough, kick whoever made it that way.
-Behind every great man is a woman shaking her head and rolling her eyes.
-When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you leap off a cliff, I laugh harder.
-If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. If you can't join 'em, bribe 'em. If you can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em. If you can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em. If you can't kill 'em, you’re screwed.
-Rhetorical questions are persuasive, aren't they?
-He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke at first.
-Life is difficult. It's full of trials, sorrow and pain. However, if you fall down, just stand up straight, be confident and say...
"WHICH IDIOT PUSHED ME?!"
-Silence is gold. Duct tape is silver.
-If you do it, you'll regret it. If you don't do it, you'll regret it. Either way, you're still gonna regret it, so why not just do it?
-A mechanic once told someone, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
-A drunken man once said this to a cop. "Here Officer, hold my beer while I find my license."
-Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
-Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
-Best friends for life! ...or at least 'till our next fight.
-Isn't it funny how a heart shape is just two teardrops upside down?
-I'm only smiling 'cos I have no idea what's going on.
-I looked up at the stars one night and thought, "Where the heck did my ceiling go?!"
-People say life's short. I say I'm shorter.
-As an older, more mature adult, your job is to...make fun of the little kids!
-What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you realize that you're on fire? Do you remember to stop, drop and roll? Or do you just start running around in circles, screaming, "I'M ON FIRE!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!"
-I was never anyone's friend in the first place, therefore I can't be called a traitor.
-If a safety pin, duct tape or a band-aid can't fix it, then you have a serious problem.
-Give me a chance to shine and I will blind the world!
-Three people can keep a secret if two are dead.
-I'm gonna live forever!...Or die trying.
-A man walked into a bar and said..."OUCH!!"
-War doesn't determine who's right, it determines who's left.
-Come to the dark side, we have cookies!
-I went to the dark side. Yeah, they lied about the cookies.
-Dear Dark Side, you may have the cookies, but we have the MILK!
-I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We're on the same side now.
-OMG! THE RAIN'S WET!
-I'm not AD--Ooh, look, a butterfly!
-ADOSH: Attention Deficit-Ohh Shiny Thing.
-I'm a dinosaur, so, like, rawr and stuff.
-God made men first, then he had a better idea!
-Nope, can't go to Hell. Satan still has that restraining order against me...
-I reject your reality and substitute my own.
-Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we continue flying...on broomsticks.
-I'm probably the coolest dork you'll ever meet.
-I'm cute...now give me my cookies.
-Boys in books are just...Better!
-It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.
-You couldn't handle me...even in your wildest dreams.
-ADHD writer: Once upon a -- no...There was once a -- no...THE END! .
-You know you're a geek when procrastination doesn't affect your grades.
-I have nothing against God, it's his fan club I can't stand!
-I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.
-I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face.
-I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking too good, either.
-Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.
-It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
-Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak.
-This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
-They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people."
-You know that you live in the 21st century when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or myspace
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) and you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
-You know you're a 90's kid when...
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick, Angry Beavers...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new Lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember Boom! boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
. . . Furbies(EVIL!!)
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 98/99 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie!
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls.
You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said...
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . .
Before the Selfies craze . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .
Before MIKE JONES . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Spongebob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our Walkmans.
When Gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future.
When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
When there were only five American Girls.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Titanic makes you laugh and cry.
When everything was settled by rock paper scissors…or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
. . Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!! Post this in your profile if you remember these days
-Sponsered by MgDonald-
-ft. Satan Jacob, the Almighty Demon King!-
-For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists. (EMO IS A TYPE OF 80'S MUSIC)
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be f-ing them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE... So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so it MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan.
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion, own a gun, and hate everyone who disagrees with the 2nd amendment.
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed homosexual.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
This is 'Aurora and Her Teddy Bear
Her name was Aurora
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive
Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic
Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair
She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound
Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure
A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?
But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die
She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"God, why? Why is
My life always sinking?"
Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did
Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by
Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made
She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"
The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying
Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse
One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor
It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best (little) friend in her arms
Copy this into your profile if you think child abuse is wrong.
Please read-true story (not me)
I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.
The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.
The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.
She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'
His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'
'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check
Again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''
'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'
Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''
'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
'My mommy loves white roses.'
A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.
I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.
Was this the family of the little boy?
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.
And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:
you can go on and forget about this or you can copy and paste in it on your profile. whichever you pick is you desicion!
1) Repost this message, or
2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart
IF YOU IGNORE THIS WITHOUT READING IT YOU HAVE NO HEART...BUT IF YOU FIND YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL YOU REACH THE END THEN YOU MUST HAVE A VERY BIG HEART.
Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)
Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Girl: Do you like me?
Girl: Do you want me?
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Girl: Would you live for me?
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile
Girl: Slow down!
Guy: No this is fun!
Girl: No it's not! Please, it's way to scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you. Now slow down.
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gave him a big hug.
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me.
In the newspaper, the next day, a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure.
Two people were on it and only one survived.
The truth was, that half way down the road the guy realized his breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know.
Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so she would live even if it meant he would die.
If you would do the same for the person you love, copy and paste this into your profile.
-Enough of these mushy stuff. Next-
"If you can drive an automobile safely, while kissing a pretty girl, you aren't giving the kiss the attention it deserves" - Einstein.
"You can buy the Model T in any color! So long as it's black." - Henry Ford.
"It's a trap!" - Admiral Ackbar.
"Tell me what you cherish most, give me the pleasure of taking it away." - Darth Plagueis the Wise and Sephiroth.
"I Apologize, I spent twenty years punching the iron wood trees... Now, I feel nothing." - Tigress.
"That's severely cool." - Po [After punching Tigress' hand and hurting himself, hysterically, She smiles and nods in appreciation].
"The only constant of life is the inconsistency of it." - Father Time.
"A man chooses, a slave obeys." - Bioshock.
"What is better, to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?" - Elder Scroll 5.
"Men must be free to do what they believe. It is not our right to punish one for thinking what they do, no matter how much we disagree." - Assassin's Creed.
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter." - Mark Twain.
"A soldier does not fight because they hate what's in front of them, but because they love what's behind them." - GK Chesterton.
"Plan for the worst, hope for the best." - English Proverb.
"You know what they say: Common sense ain't to common." - English Proverb.
"All generalizations are false. Including this one." - Mark Twain.
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." - Mark Twain.
"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." - Mark Twain.
“My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.” - Ashleigh Brilliant
“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.” - Mae West
“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time” - Friedrich Nietzsche
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” - Oscar Wilde
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.” - Rodney Dangerfield
“The Jersey mentality is: I work, I drink, I stay up all night, I try to meet a girl, it's a waste of time.” - Gerard Way
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” - Drew Carey
“I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.” -Colin Rayne
1. Grab the nearest book to you, turn to page 81, Line 4.
They were like a vision from a nightmare.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
A bag full of folders.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Muffin Napoleon. (Do not judge)
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
8:05 pm (close enough)
6. With the exception of the computer what else can you hear?
Phone ringing and my dad watching the tennis on T.V
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About 30 Mins ago I was playing Tennis with my dad
8. Before you started this survey what did you look at?
Other copy and paste things.
9. What are you wearing?
Blood red top with a collar and shorts, blue
10. Did you dream last night?
Yes, about finding HTTYD 3 footage on Youtube, it was awesome!
11. When did you last laugh?
A couple of minutes ago about a copy and paste thing. I pasted anyways
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Framed certificates and cupboards filled with books.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Not really, just hoping to catch a dragon in a bola though.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Unusually entertaining to say the least.
15. What is the last film you saw?
Muffin Napoleon ( I wanted to watch it again it is a cute movie)
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight. What would you buy?
A dimension traveller, and then travel to Berk forever.
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I have seen every single HTTYD episode, mini movie or movie twice at least.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Everyone could have their dream pet, me personally would be a DRAGON!
19. Do you like to dance?
Depends on the song and how catchy it is.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Ruby or Astrid
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Peter or Henry
To love, to cry, to win, to loose,
To help those in need,
Even if they don't care about you.
To trust, and live a life full of friends,
To have some time, with the closest to your heart,
To create, and repay, that in which you have taken away.
To miss, and fail, but in a humble way,
Protect your family and friends with selfless courage,
And defend your honour with strength and gentleness.
Helping out even if they don't recognise your help,
Even though they don't care,
You partake in plans,
And help it all land,
Safely and quietly,
Without much of a drama.
To stand up for what you believe in,
To support in what is right,
Even though you may not come out of the fight.
To be thankful for the little things in life,
Even if it is no much,
And to strive for peace and love,
Even if you are the one who comes out hurt, and alone.
To celebrate and forgive,
Those who have done wrong,
And move on,
On to the future full of freedom,
This is How to Train Your Dragon, and it is more that just a training session,
wouldn't you agree?
(Inspired by LuvDragon's 'This is How To Train Your Dragon')
NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast
HTTYD FANS: will tell Thor to make a storm
NORMAL PEOPLE: say "OMG!"
HTTYD FANS: say "OH MY GODS!"
NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
HTTYD FANS: won't go to one because they will take away your awesomeness of being yourself!
NORMAL PEOPLE: say "shut up or I'll tell on you!"
HTTYD FANS: say "shut up or my dragon will burn you!"
NORMAL PEOPLE: think that HTTYD fans are crazy
HTTYD FANS: know that normal people aren't themselves
NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell "HELP ME SOMEBODY!"
HTTYD FANS: when being chased call their dragon for help
NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
HTTYD FANS: yell "NIGHT FURY, GET DOWN!"
NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
HTTYD FANS: would try and find Berk
NOMAL PEOPLE: say "Oh my Gosh"
HTTYD FANS: say "Oh Dear Thor"
NORMAL PEOPLE: don't have this on their profile
HTTYD FANS: MUST have this on their profile!
NORMAL PEOPLE: On a bad day will say "Today is just not my day."
HTTYD FANS: will say "The Gods Hate Me!"
NORMAL PEOPLE: Hear a shriek and ignore it
HTTYD FANS: hear a shriek and yell "NIGHT FURY! GET DOWN!"
NORMAL PEOPLE: see a mini Toothless figurine and say "eh, it's just a piece of plastic"
HTTYD FANS: see a mini Toothless figurine and scream "Oh my word! That is the cutest thing EVER! I must have it NOW!!!!!!!!!"
NORMAL PEOPLE: when asked what they need while fighting a dragon will say a weapon
HTTYD FANS: a doctor?! Plus 5 speed?! A shield!
NORMAL PEOPLE: don't know the stats for the different dragons
HTTYD FANS: Deadly Nadder: Speed 8, Armor 16. Hideous Zippleback: plus 11, stealth x2. Monstrous Nightmare: firepower 15. Terrible Terror: Attack 8, venom 12. Gronckle: jaw strength 8 (thank you, Fishlegs)
NORMAL PEOPLE: When asked how to defeat a dragon without killing it will not know.
HTTYD FANS: will instantly know to show them an eel, scratched them under their chin, give them some dragon-nip or reflect the light off something to let them chase it.
Normal people: will buy maybe the plushies from the HTTYD merchandise or nothing at all.
HTTYD fans: Will search every store for every collectible, clear a whole shelf in their room for them and make a saddle and tail piece for every Toothless plushy and figurine they have.
NORMAL PEOPLE: saw the HTTYD movie once in the cinema and maybe once at home.
HTTYD FANS: watch the movie again and again until they can recite every line off by heart (Example: *changes to Scottish accent* excuse me, barmaid, I believe you brought me the wrong offspring. I ordered an extra large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side. This here, this is a talking fish bone!)
NORMAL PEOPLE: whistle a popular song while they work
HTTYD FANS: whistle the HTTYD theme while they work
NORMAL PEOPLE: don't REALLY care when the third movie is released.
HTTYD FANS: will count down the days till the premier and check youtube every day for the next trailer (cursed teaser trailers!!)
NORMAL PEOPLE: will give whatever they can to people as gifts
HTTYD FANS: will never under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES give a Gronckle's egg to someone.
NORMAL PEOPLE: when telling someone to change their ways, will be nice about it.
HTTYD FANS: will say, "You've got to stop all...this."
NORMAL PEOPLE: "Astrid? Don't you mean 'asteroid'?"
HTTYD FANS: *dreamily* "Astrid..."
NORMAL PEOPLE: when in danger, "we ain't gonna live!"
HTTYD FANS: "chances of survival are dwindling into single digits now..."
NORMAL PEOPLE: will 'keep calm and carry on'
HTTYD FANS: will 'keep calm and wait for How To Train Your Dragon 3'
NORMAL PEOPLE: won't really care what they use for a belt buckle
HTTYD FANS: will never use anything bone-like. EVER!
Normal people: if you want to get yourself killed, jump off a cliff or stab yourself or something
HTTYD: if you want to get yourself killed, go with the Gronckle.
NORMAL PEOPLE: wisest quote - 'Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning' - Albert Einstein
HTTYD FANS: 'If you get blasted, you're dead' - Gobber the Belch
NORMAL PEOPLE: will ignore this
HTTYD fans: will post this into their profile and add their name to the list before the Red Death gets them
IF YOU THINK HICCUP IS A MASTER OF SASS, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE AND ADD YOUR NAME! -BeyondTheClouds777, Draposs
If you have ever seen an animated movie so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.
If you firmly and truly believe that the world WILL NOT come to an end in 2012, Copy and paste.
If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!
If you wonder who started these thingamawhatevers, copy this into your profile
If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever really wanted to give a certain cartoon character a hug, copy and paste this on your profile
If you read this, copy this into your profile.
If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have risked many things in life, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you think that Toothless is the awesomest dragon character in HTTYD, copy paste this on your profile.
If you think Camicazi is a billion times better than Astrid, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you're hopelessly addicted to chocolate, paste this into your profile.
If you appreciate the beauty of movie soundtracks and own at least one, paste this into your profile.
If your reading fanfics when your supposed to be studying for a major test the next day, and telling your parents your studying, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
When life gives you lemons, make apple jucie and let life wonder how the heck you did it!
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think that girls are equals to boys, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile.
If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
98 percent of teens do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
If you've ever screamed at a book or the TV copy this!
If you have ever crashed into a wall, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever tripped on air, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this to your profile
Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile
You like being in charge.
You often wish you could just zap someone with a thunderbolt.
You were voted Class President.
You do what’s best for everyone
You think you have what it takes to run for President.
You think every problem has a solution.
You love showing off.
You like plane rides
You are hydrophobiac
You feel at home in the water.
Your favorite vacation place is at the beach.
You enjoy snorkeling, scuba diving, surfing, etc.
You want to do something about the marine species being abused today.
You visit the local pool on a regular basis.
You swim professionally.
You hate seafood.
You never get seasick.
You’d rather ride a boat than a plane.
You are acrophobiac
You’re not that much of a people person.
You like staying in the dark and writing poems.
You experience bad moods on a regular basis.
You like listening to loud, angry music. You spend most of your time alone.
You think parties are sometimes loud and annoying
You like to keep to yourself.
All your closets are padlocked.
You write in diary/journal.
You feel most active at night.
You own a garden.
You like the great outdoors.
You have a green thumb.
You’re an environmentalist.
You have a special connection with animals.
You’re a vegetarian.
You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world.
You always check a product if it’s environmentally-friendly.
You love going to flower shops
You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with.
You often start fights.
You’re a very aggressive type of person.
You like watching wrestling.
You like reading about war.
You don’t take crap from anybody.
You have anger management.
You never back away from a fight.
Everyone does what you say.
You don’t always think before you do something.
You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
You’re probably the only person who visit the library on a regular basis.
Half of your Christmas presents last year were books
You like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies behind it.
You’re the valedictorian in your class.
You’ve never gotten a grade below 90 in your report card.
You get political jokes without asking people to explain them.
You think it would be better if you were the President.
You have a huge shelf of books at home.
You think vinyl pocket protectors are useful.
7/10 (I think this won)
You’re very creative and artistic.
You like listening to all kinds of music in general.
You always feel sunny and optimistic.
You are talented at drawing.
You like writing poetry.
You can play at least 3 musical instruments.
You like going to art museums.
You almost always win 1st Place in Art Contests.
You have straight As in Art on your report card.
Your school notebook has more doodles than notes.
HUNTER OF ARTEMIS
You dislike boys in general.
A deer is one of your favorite animals
You can shoot targets
You like silver.
You like the moon better than the sun
Zoe Nightshade is awesome
You love wild animals
You spend most of your time outdoors.
You love to move around the place
Hunting is not cruel, if it's to hunt down monsters
You have a way with tools.
You build awesome things during your free time
You’re the best at Woodshop in your class.
Metalworking is your forte
You have your own toolbox.
You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots.
You’re a techie.
You often have carpentry projects.
You dream of being a carpenter.
You aren’t afraid of fire
Every guy/girl swoons for like putting on makeup
You naturally smell good.
You never experience a bad hair day.
Your favorite activity is clothes-shopping
You’re always at the front of every trend.
You’re the popular girl/guy at your school.
You’re often invited to parties.
Your motto is ‘It’s never a party without me.” You look at yourself in the mirror on a regular basis.
You like pickpocketing your friends.
You’re a prankster.
You’re a speed demon
You consider yourself restless.
You’re the best speaker in the class.
You like thinking on your feet and using your wits
You’re inventive and resourceful.
You often start arguments.
You’ve never lost a debate.
You like making witty and sarcastic statements.
You’re the life of the party.
You like wine.
You’ve probably tasted every alcoholic drink out there
You can finish a martini in less than a minute.
You have a happy, cheerful disposition.
You’re a foodie.
You like going to social events and mingling with people.
You like trying out new food.
You feel that you’re abundant in life.
You think that too much of anything is bad.
Being called 'crazy' is a compliment You like magic
You like Harry Potter
You hate when people think you're the bad guy
You dress dark, but your personality is cheerful and happy
You couldn't care less about fashion
Teddy bears are lethal in your hands
You like being different from everybody else
You can spend hours a day debating something ridiculous
Birth Months: (bold yours)
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well.Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
Here's some cool stuff great authors want you to know:
"Forget all the rules. Forget about being published. Write for yourself and celebrate writing."
"First, find out what your hero wants. Then just follow him."
"In writing a series of stories about the same characters, plan the whole series in advance in some detail, to avoid contradictions and inconsistencies."
-L. Sprague de Camp
1. The most important part of writing is not what you put into the story; it's what the audience reads in the story that you did not put there. When it comes down to it, you're not actually the one bringing the thoughts, feelings, concepts, and interpretations to the table. Your audience is. Despite your best intentions, the story which your writing evokes in a reader's head is going to be vastly different than the one which you may have tried to express, as the reader's mind fills in all the blanks between the lines, supplies their assumptions, paints all the pictures, and makes their own interpretations about what your story means in the context of their life. In a way, you're not telling your story so much as you're helping them to tell theirs. So never forget to thank your readers for their dedication -- they are indeed the real reason for your story's popularity!
Whenever you're feeling writer's block because you think your writing sucks, remember this rule. Remember that you're not actually the one doing the work! But the readers need at least something to go on if they want to finish the story in their heads, so don't leave them hanging! Get writing!
2. Learn to understand the nature of criticism, or it will hurt you and keep you from continuing. This is a hard one. You know that T-shirt that says "I can only please one person per day, today is not your day, tomorrow isn't looking good either"? Well, it has a grain of truth to it. If there's one thing the human brain does well, it's latching onto an idea very tightly, and viewing everything else in terms of that idea. Heck, that's what inspiration comes from in general. But when you get a criticism, you might be very tempted to become obsessed with that one person's opinion, and that one person's opinion alone. Suddenly, all the raving reviews from everyone else, all the positive feedback and the devoted fans you might have, all the pride in your work... it will all suddenly not matter to you, as you become bent on pleasing just this one person who cut you. And the sad part is, that one person might not even care. That person might not be part of your target audience at all, having come into the experience expecting something else entirely, and complaining that it's not what they expected. That one person might be jealous and not even want you to succeed at all, or enjoy watching you flail and fail. Yet, the temptation to put on blinders and focus only on their opinion is overwhelmingly high.
It is important to understand that this is a completely irrational and wrong reaction; if you let this take hold of you, it will destroy you. Instead, remember never to focus solely on the words of the criticizers; always weigh them in balance with the positive feedback. Learn to judge the criticisms on their merits. Let them take you into the minds of your readers and feel their emotions. Some have a grain of truth to them, others are filled to the brim with truth. But it's important to see the criticisms for what they are, and not to let them mar your vision of your own work and make you forget all the things you're doing right. And in the end, realize that you have every right to disagree with the criticism if it is in direct contradiction with what you're trying to do, and to just completely ignore it if you feel it has no merit.
Some people want to help you. Some people want to hurt you. Some people only want to help themselves. Don't just respond with emotions; learn how to tell the difference and react accordingly.
3. "Mary Sues" are not bad, they are just aimed at a younger audience. Most readers frown upon characters without flaws whom the whole universe seems to revolve around -- but there was a time when their own heart pined for such simple, child-like, consequence-free fantasy, too. Everyone needs this at some point or another; it leaves a deep impression on the heart that lasts for a lifetime. Unfortunately, when you grow up, you tend to look back with disgust at the childish ideas of others, and you feel the deep urge to help the children along their path in life by making them see the brutality, pain, unfairness, and tragedy of reality -- encouraging them to "grow up". That is the core reason why Mary Sues are rejected by the heart; they represent the kind of whimsical, restrained naivety of a child who doesn't know anything about the world and refuses to take the step into maturity. But this is the reason Mary Sues are sometimes strongly accepted by some readers, even though they are resented by most others; they actually do speak to the hearts of those who are hindered in maturity, or are truly just young. But remember that you can't force someone to grow up. That's something that they have to do on their own.
And while you might look down upon the poorly-written Mary Sue characters you find, remember that many of your favorite fictional characters probably would fail a Mary Sue litmus test, too! Everyone still has a bit of childishness left in their hearts, and that is how it should be. Avoiding Mary Sues in your own writing is as simple as understanding the feelings and expectations of your target audience.
4. Fan fiction is not shameful, as long as you understand its place. There are many who frown upon the entire craft of fan fiction. They will say that fan fiction is a crutch for true, original ideas and writing. And while this is true to an extent (albeit a very small one) in that works of fan fiction are generally not something you can put on your résumé, fan fiction has a very real use and purpose to an aspiring writer. Fan fiction is a completely different beast than other forms of writing, complete with its own unique set of advantages and disadvantages. But once you realize what these advantages and disadvantages are, you might soon find fan fiction to be an invaluable tool in your journey as an aspiring writer, and that it is nothing at all to be ashamed of.
When I say the word "Bulbasaur," you might immediately know what I'm talking about. You can conjure a Bulbasaur in your mind's eye; you can hear its voice. And most importantly, you might feel a flurry of endearing emotions flood into your heart. Nostalgic memories might flood back to you from your childhood from when you fought through Kanto with your trusty Bulbasaur in Pokémon Red, memories of battling and trading with friends, or of watching the TV show. So if I introduce a character named Saura the Bulbasaur into a story, all those emotions are automatically going to be attached to him. You're going to be viewing, imagining, and feeling Saura in a stencil of your childhood. So Saura may seem to be a cool character, but in reality, 95% of the work has already been done for me. It was a shortcut, allowing me a basis to work with a wide range of pre-existing emotions that are already strong in the hearts of those readers looking for Pokémon fan fiction. And as a writer, I can play with all those emotions in interesting new ways.
Now pretend I introduce an original character named Jark the Norgwat. What's a Norgwat? How are you supposed to feel towards them? What do they sound like? How do they act? Well, that's all very hard to say, because they don't exist. So you have no prior emotions attached to them. Unlike with a Pokémon, now I'm starting totally from scratch, and if I want to attach feelings to them, well, that's going to take a few dozen pages. Maybe a few dozen books. With an original work, the emotional basis just isn't there, and I have to create it all by myself! And not only that, but it's going to be hard to find an audience looking specifically for a story about Norgwats, so it'll be hard to get immediate feedback on my writing techniques... whereas there are always thousands of readers looking for stories about Bulbasaur.
Fan fiction's primary strength is that it allows you unprecedented access to a large, unbiased audience who are already emotionally attached to the subject matter, eager and willing to read your work! It's an opportunity you can't quite get anywhere else; it's generally hard to get such a pure, clean sampling of like-minded individuals representing your target audience. Even communities which claim to welcome and critique original works can't boast the numbers and the open-mindedness of a large, pre-existing fandom. It is true that if you wish to be a famous, world-renowned writer, you're going to have to branch out eventually. But fan fiction an excellent starting place, and I'd dare say that it might be the best.
Finally, I will leave you with this thought: Pokémon Mystery Dungeon is a fan work. Pokémon Mystery Dungeon is a fan-interpretation by Chunsoft of Game Freak's original universe. It can really change your conceptions about fan works when you consider that many books, movies, and video games are already works by fans who were hired or otherwise allowed to contribute to a series they are passionate about. So yeah. In some cases, it's not just a starting point, but a finishing point, too. And sometimes you can put it on your résumé after all.
5. "I suck at summaries" is the worst possible thing you can put into your summary. Writing, in a nutshell, is the art of summarizing your own ideas. If you suck at summaries, you suck at writing. But let's be honest, you actually don't suck at summaries, do you? I think you're just giving up too easily! After all, you did post at least one chapter of a story. So buckle down and at least provide your readers with the story's concept or the story's starting point. Come on, you can do it!
6. Writer's block happens because you have nothing to say. Stories on sites like these usually go on infinite hiatus shortly before or after entering the second act. Why? Well, it's simple really: During the first act, you're brimming with ideas because you're establishing everything in the story for the first time. And for the third act, although you're not there yet, you're brimming with ideas because you already have it planned out in intricate detail how the story's going to end. But... what happens between then and now? That's anyone's guess, including yours. If you forget to fill in the middle of your mental story outline with nothing but vague ideas, because "I'll just think of it when I get there", you might be in for a bad surprise! Dead space in your timeline is dead space in your creativity. Just like that moment of awkward silence in a conversation when there's nothing to say, you're going to find yourself stuck because you can't continue your story without thoughts or ideas to express! My advice is: plan for this, learn to see it coming miles in advance. And before it comes, ask yourself what kind of statements you want to express with those undefined chapters, or whether you can afford to just leave them out, and remap the timeline so that they don't have to happen.
7. Writer's block also happens when you think you have something to say, but it turns out you don't. Has this ever happened to you?: You're sitting in math class, trying to wrap your head around the idea the teacher is trying to teach you. Suddenly, it CLICKS. You get it. You're so happy, because now everything you've learned in class finally makes sense! And it continues to make sense, until three weeks later when the test is handed out. You stare at it for a few minutes, then realize in horror that you only know how to do the first few problems... the rest are too complicated and confusing for you to grasp at. This happened because you mentally oversimplified the idea. While you may have actually understood the concepts at one point, you never explored your understanding of those concepts enough for them to stick. So you kept remembering that moment when it clicked, thinking that you understand everything perfectly, never realizing that you actually forgot everything just moments after first grasping at an understanding.
The exact same thing happens in writing. You may have an awesome idea for a scene, but when you finally get there... you draw a blank. Nothing. This is due to a wonderful little mechanism in the brain called distillation of thought, or, as most people would call it, forgetting. And I say it's wonderful because it actually is. Your ability to forget things is a strong determining factor to your intelligence; it allows you to disregard distracting, superfluous thoughts, and retain only the most relevant thoughts. It also lets you cull down useless droves of stored knowledge by learning to see them in terms of patterns. The only downside is, your brain is constantly doing this, without you knowing. So you can go through life feeling like you remember some knowledge, until you actually try to remember it and realize that you don't remember as much as you thought. So that awesome finale battle scene that you went over in your head a million times? It's not safe.
Here's my advice: you can't prevent this from happening, but you can help to soften the blow. Write down your ideas as they come. I cannot possibly stress this enough. Write down plot outlines, ideas, loose details you want to include, while the ideas are fresh in your head. Because those ideas don't stay fresh for long, even if they feel like they do. So do your future self a favor and leave them notes!
8. Don't think big. Think small, and big will happen all on its own. The worst cause of writer's block? It's simple, really, especially in fan fiction: it's mostly just caused when the writing doesn't feel rewarding anymore. Maybe you're not getting enough readership, and the end of the story just starts to seem too far away that it's just not worth it making the journey anymore. And it's all because you bit off more than you can chew. Many of the dead projects on sites like these are due to writers who convince themselves they will write a 100-chapter epic that will visit every corner of the world and make profound, over-reaching statements that will change the fandom forever. Then they are surprised to find themselves burned out 20 chapters in and don't see the point in continuing.
Really, the secret to finishing projects is to choose a small, well-defined idea. Choose an idea where you can see the end in sight at the very start of the project. If you do this, I promise you that the idea is going to grow and blossom beyond the confines of your expectations, as it continues to inspire you with fascinating ideas and unexpected themes along the way. The same thing happens to large stories: plan a 100-chapter story, and it will probably come out as a 300-chapter story -- if you can stick with it that long. Instead, why not plan a 10-chapter story and watch it come out in 25 chapters?
9. Details don't mean anything without context; don't expect readers to care about your lavish details until you first give them something to care about. There's a tiny difference between "depth" and "fluff". That difference is a hook. If you've hooked your reader, they'll enjoy your droves of details because those details will be helping them to explore something they care about. But don't make the mistake of thinking that the details are the hook. If you first put forth the colorful descriptions of the setting, the character development, the world-building, and so on, readers aren't going to find a hook in that. They'll find it pretentious, and leave. This doesn't mean detailed descriptions are bad; even "purple prose" can be touching sometimes. But it's mainly all about order of operations. You have to make your hook first.
So, what is a hook? Simple: an unanswered question, or an idea that poses many unanswered questions. It's something that begs to be thought about, considered, or answered.
For an example, I could create a hook by telling you, "On the way home from work yesterday, I met a homeless boy on the street corner."
How old was the boy? Was he hurt? Did he look poor or beaten up? What was he wearing? Did he say anything? What did you do? Did you talk to him? Did you give him money? All these questions would be going through your mind if I just stopped there. And it means, as a storyteller, I've hooked you. I've made you latch on to my ideas. Now I can start expanding upon the story, because I know you're paying attention. Otherwise, you'd just be sitting there with your eyes glazing over the words, thinking "How long is this? I want to play Minecraft."
10. Guide your reader. Don't leave them to figure things out on their own. Have you ever been reading a novel, and realized you were confusing two of the characters for each other? Have you ever been able to recognize a character's name, but forgot who exactly they were? Have you ever read something that doesn't make sense, making you realize you must have missed something or misunderstood something? Have you ever skimmed a paragraph you didn't want to read, and hoped that if you missed something important, it would be explained again later? Or have you ever read a novel that was so detailed, complex, and heavy, that you couldn't follow it closely, but still tried to follow along because you could just barely understand what's happening? If so, then you are in the majority of readers. If you're a writer, don't presume that every reader is following along perfectly with every little detail you place in the story, and memorizing everything. Here on sites like these, readers are diverse. You have readers of all ages, genders, reading levels, cultures, and even languages! You have readers that are hanging on every word you say, and readers that are zoning out sometimes, missing things. Put yourself in their shoes, and write with them in mind. Don't leave them behind.
Near the beginning of the story, help your readers learn who the main characters are. Give your characters names that vaguely hint at the personality of the character, and are more than just one-syllable names. Describe the characters in some small way whenever they speak or appear.
If you imply something which you want the reader to pick up on, explicitly state it. Have a character talk about it or reflect upon it, or at the very least, give them hints to lead them in the right direction. Don't leave the reader to figure it out on their own. That is, unless you want it to be a surprise; then you can keep it secret. But if there's something you need the reader to notice right now in order to appreciate the ongoing story, just explain it outright.
If you want to surprise the reader, explain why the twist is surprising. Just a little throwback after the reveal will do the trick.
11. Spelling and grammar are like clothing: they are the bare minimum requirements for being taken seriously in public. Mistakes happen, and readers will forgive you when you make spelling errors here and there, or forget to fix a sentence after copying and pasting it around. But if you downright disregard the importance of spelling and grammar, if you feel that ignorance is bliss and that you don't need to conform to it or learn it, then either don't publish your work, or swallow your pride and find a beta reader who can take care of it for you. This is not elitism; this is necessity. If you want to be taken seriously, you must learn to present yourself to be taken seriously.
12. Hyperbole is the single most horrible thing to ever happen to mankind and you should destroy all traces of it from your writing. Well, not really. But at least understand what "hyperbole" is: it's artistic exaggeration. Hyperbole is when you make purposeful overstatements in your writing, such as "He stubbed his toe, and horrible, breathtaking pain shot through his foot", or "When she heard the truth, she felt like the entire weight of the world was crashing down upon her shoulders". It's okay to use this technique for effect, but many writers make the mistake of using it all the time. When you turn every single emotion in your story up to eleven, make every single feeling as intense as you can, you numb your readers down, and they'll stop taking your overstatements seriously. What you really want to do is create a wide range of emotions, so that when you actually do need to hit those emotional heights, the readers don't roll their eyes because you already told them that everything else was just as intense. So instead of saying that a character's feeling is the strongest, most powerful thing they've ever felt in their life, why not tone it down and describe exactly how that emotion feels, without going overboard? That's far more interesting and believable.
13. Hold EVERYTHING you type to the same standards as your writing, even when nobody else does. Be one of those strange people who insists on using nearly perfect spelling, grammar, capitalization and punctuation in everything you type, be it fan fiction, forum posts, private messages, instant messages, e-mails, or -- get this -- text messages. Yeah, the things you type on phones. txt-spk is for wimps. Instead of "r u gon b l8?", dare to be different, and type "Are you going to be late?" Acronyms? LOL. Don't use them. Instead, say "Wow, that's hilarious." Chat logs in your MMORPG? Yeah, there too. When's the last time you've seen someone type out "Great game!" or "Be right back, getting a bite to eat!" Bottom line: the moment your fingers hit the keyboard, you get into your writer's groove.
There's a very good reason behind this, and it's not because you're trying to be a pretentious hipster and overachiever, even though people will accuse you and mock you of this at every turn. (Some of them will honestly be impressed, too, even though they won't admit it). The real reason you need to do this is because your brain uses the same center for ALL writing, whether in your story or in other areas of your digital life. If you practice being long-winded whenever you type, you're going to find it much easier to let your ideas flow into one another, and into your story. You're going to find your voice, your narrator's character, and hone it. You'll learn to spell many words by heart, and proper sentence syntax will become second nature. Many people don't realize just how much they're hurting their writing, and making it hard on themselves, by slipping into an "informal" writing mentality whenever they're not typing something into their word processor. It's like practicing table-manners when you're eating alone at home; don't do it, and you'll find yourself accidentally being a slob constantly when you eat at restaurants, even when you know how manners work!
If you don't believe me, you'll just have to trust me on this one. You'll thank me later.
14. Never be afraid to let yourself be influenced by other artists. What is the difference between plagiarism and inspiration? It's very simple: Plagiarism is stealing, inspiration is imitating. There is a big difference here. Plagiarism is like stealing someone's car and taking it for yourself; inspiration is like taking their car, disassembling it, learning how it functions, taking notes, putting it back together again, and building your own version of the car that is probably very different than what you based it on. Basically, when you read a work by another author, take notes of all the little mechanics, the techniques they use, the tricks they employ to make the pacing and the themes work, the word choices and phrases they use at certain parts... analyze the writer's style, choose your favorite aspects of it, and try to emulate them in your own writing. If there's a situation in your own writing that's tripping you up, read someone else's work and observe how they did it, and let them help you.
And if you spot something another author did wrong? A badly-executed idea? A fascinating plot thread they just seemed to drop? An interesting question with a half-baked answer? An awesome story with an ending you just hate? Dare yourself to do it better than they did.
There is nothing shameful about this. In fact, it's how every single artist on the face of the earth functions. People love to say "there is nothing new under the sun", yet they don't fully comprehend the implications of the claim: new ideas are very possible, but understand that they will all be creative combinations and transformations of already-existing ideas. So go on! Let yourself be influenced by things you love, including other artists. You'll be on your way to finding your own voice.
15. Write the villain the same way you write the hero. One of the biggest recurring mistakes I've seen in all writing, even in published novels, moves, and TV shows, is to make the villain a simple bully. Don't make the bad guy do bad things for no reason other than to make the audience hate them! You're missing out on all the potential, the powerful implications and tough questions your villain character could be raising! Instead, follow this guideline: Villains and heroes are the same kinds of characters: they both have hopes, dreams, emotions, opinions, and morals. They are both trying to accomplish something they believe is for the best. The only difference is that, in striving for his or her goals, the villain hurts others.
The best kind of villain is the one that makes the reader think, "Hey, wait... maybe they have a point. Maybe the villain is the one with the right idea, and the hero just doesn't understand it!", or "The villain couldn't control what he did. He was just a regular guy who got in over his head, and now he has to be defeated for the greater good. That's so sad. Why did it have to be this way?", or even "The villain is doing some pretty dirty things, but actually, the hero is doing some of those same things, and trying to justify it. Maybe they're not so different?"
Sometimes, the villain isn't evil at all; they're just a character who has a disagreement with the hero, perhaps over something trivial. Perhaps the hero and his childhood best friend have different favorite baseball teams, and grow up to become managers of those teams, and eventually face off against one another in the World Series. In this case, is either character actually evil? Of course not. The hero is merely the story's point-of-view character, and the villain is his rival. They might despise one another, but only because their life decisions and circumstances have forced them to. This makes the conflict between characters sympathetic and tragic. And guess what? This is realistic: everyone in real life thinks they're doing what's best for themselves at the time. This causes disagreements and conflicts to happen, sometimes leading to violence and evil, and it is tragic. Evil in real life is tragic, always. Try to capture that in your story.
16. Always strive to use words which are specific and concise. "Specific" means that your words evoke exactly the meaning you wanted them to evoke, and can't be interpreted in other ways. "Concise" means you achieved this effect using as little words as possible without sacrificing anything else. Learning to be specific and concise is a lifelong journey which can only be furthered by reading the works of others, learning new words, learning how to use those new words in context, learning phrases and figures of speech you might not have known existed, and lots of exposure and practice.
Bottom line: if you feel an emotion in your heart which you want to convey in your writing, don't settle for generic descriptions, clumsy composition of your imagery, and words that kinda mean what you want but kinda don't because you just don't know a better word for what you mean. There are always words for what you mean. There is always a way to say what you mean. It's not unusual for a writer to be composing a scene, and then to stop at a seemingly-trivial sentence and spend an hour mentally stressing over how exactly that sentence should be worded. That's normal. After all, the key to art is in the presentation. Always try to hit the nail on the head, and perfectly capture that emotion you have with words.
Also, if you feel that your vocabulary fails you sometimes, don't be ashamed to use a thesaurus. You might be reminded of those perfect words you already knew, but didn't think of at the time. Or you might learn some new words, which is always awesome.
17. Dialogue is a get-out-of-grammar-free card. Even the most hardened grammar nitpickers know not to critique you when your characters are talking -- and if they don't, tell them, because they've got it coming to them. Characters are allowed to ignore the rules of grammar. They can (and should) speak in incomplete sentences, speak in run-on sentences, use wrong word choices, dangle their participles, end sentences with prepositions, use made-up words, use double-negatives, and break just about any rule of grammar they want. This is an important step in giving each of your characters a unique voice that the reader will identify them by. In real life, everyone has a different grasp on the spoken language due to their age, their reading comprehension, their level of social skills, and so on; characters should be no different. When a character speaks, consider their personal language skills and their mood, and try to imagine just how they would express what they want to say, imperfections and all.
Note that this is not an excuse to write badly and get out of being criticized; you probably still have to follow the correct rules of sentence punctuation and capitalization, because those things can't be spoken by the characters and only exist in the manuscript you are writing. You may of course misspell words in your character's dialogue, but only if you are trying to imply the character is mispronouncing the words; using the wrong homophone (such as "your" instead of "you're") is still bad.
Oh, and by the way: if you are able to set up your story's narrator as a character, then even your narrator is free from the constraints of grammar! Just remember to be consistent with your stylistic choices. Also, under certain circumstances, you might even be able to break the rules of syntax, formatting, and other deeply-rooted language principles, just as long as there is a point to doing so. Remember the basic rule of artistic license: you must first be artistic if you want to use the license.
18. Save everything you write. So you're a few thousand words into your latest chapter, and you suddenly realize that you just don't like the way the chapter has started. You feel like it's gotten off on the wrong foot, that you're hitting the wrong notes, talking about the wrong topics, or overdoing the emotions. Well, no problem. We all make mistakes. Time to delete everything and start over, right? Wrong. Before you start over, save that deleted scene into a separate file, and archive it, no matter how bad you think it is. You never know when you might need to recover something from that scene, even something small; there might be a particularly clever sentence or description you created that can be used in the future, or there might be a cool theme that just wasn't ready to be presented yet. And even if you can't recover anything from it, it's still important to be able to go back and examine the train of thought you used, the artistic process you went through to get to the finished product. It's inspirational, helps you remember things you might forget, and your fans might love to see deleted scenes, too.
If you're a Microsoft Office user, I recommend checking out OneNote if you aren't familiar with it. I find it a particularly useful piece of software to save archives of deleted scenes, as well as character sheets, plot outlines, and other collections of data an author would find useful to collect.
19. Don't kill your story by promising not to let it die. This epidemic is so bad, it has practically become a meme. Say you're writing a story, and you don't update in a long time. Maybe life got in the way, or maybe you lost interest, or maybe you couldn't figure out what to do next. For whatever reason, the story goes on the back-burner for a while. That's fine. Months later, you might one day suddenly remember the poor fans you left hanging, and wish to leave them a note saying that you're not dead and the story will live on. Don't do this. This is the death knell for your story, and it's not just Murphy's Law. There's a very solid psychological reason why. See, when you've gone a long time without updating a story you wish to continue, you probably won't feel inspired to write it anymore -- instead, you'll begin to feel a sense of shame, and a sense of responsibility to pick it back up again. Like it's a burden sitting on your shoulders, sitting in the back of your mind forever. Like it's something that's not really fun, but you know you should probably do. At this point, that sense of burden and obligation is the only thing keeping the story alive, and is the story's only hope to continue. This, by itself, is not a bad thing; learning to write when you're not inspired is a very important skill for a writer to learn, since emotions are unreliable and are fading in and out all the time. It's also one of the hardest skills to learn. But if you write that author's note in an effort to convince yourself that you're not giving up on your work (and let's be honest here, you really are only doing it to convince yourself), you'll suddenly feel relieved from that burden, freed from that shame -- and it's never going to come back. Congratulations, you've just cut off your last remaining thread of motivation to continue the story!
If you really have to write that author's note explaining your absence, try one of the following things:
Just be honest to yourself and your fans, and announce that the story is dead. Even if you do, there's no reason you can't resurrect it again later if you wanted. I'm sure people would be pleasantly surprised.
Write your author's note, but in it, don't make any promises. Just explain your situation without making promises or estimates about the next update. In fact, admit that there's a great chance the story might not continue, but you haven't decided yet. This is also a very honest option.
Don't post your author's note until you have an update ready, and post them both at the same time, with the author's note first and the update after it. This will prevent the "death knell" effect from happening, because the sense of relief you feel will become positive conditioning associated with finishing and posting an update. That, and it's much easier to continue a story from where it left off when the bookend is not a long out-of-character ramble.
20. Don't reboot your fan fiction. A "reboot" happens when you get to a certain point in a story and realize that it's not working, but you've written too much of it to just throw it away and let it die. So, you cancel the story and start it over from the beginning, planning to use the same overall plot and the same characters, but rewriting and retooling every single scene to fix errors and match the new vision you have for it, and maybe changing a bunch of plot points you had come to regret. This is an awesome, awesome idea... if you're writing something that you are planning to submit for publication, such as to make money. Awful idea for a fan fiction.
Seriously, if you're working on that original novel you've been tinkering with for years... yeah. Do it. Overhaul the thing (just don't forget tip #18!). This is where a story really becomes polished and starts to shine, and becomes a true representation of your talent and skill. But a fan fiction is a completely different beast! Since you're mainly writing it to get immediate feedback from the community, going through the same story a second time just isn't going to be the same for you or your fanbase. You'll lose inspiration much more quickly, and you'll lose fans, and eventually you're going to start questioning why you're putting so much effort into gold-plating something that's never going to pay you back in real money. Besides, if you've really improved so much over the course of the story that there's such a noticeable difference between the beginning and the latest update, then the fan fiction has done its job, and it probably won't be able to do its job a second time.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with going back through your story to make minor changes, like fixing typos or rewording clunky paragraphs you don't like. But never go into it with an intent to overhaul the story; trust me, there's just no point, and it won't work. When it comes to fan fiction, leave your mistakes in the past, let them go, and just focus on making the rest of the story as great as you can!
21. Your story is open to your own interpretation; sometimes, the best plot twists surprise even the author. Have you ever found yourself making outlandish "wild mass guessing" predictions or crazy conspiracy theories about your favorite story, wondering just how it's going to end? Ever find yourself endlessly pondering who's going to live, who's going to die, who's going to fall in love, who's actually secretly related to who else, who is actually good and who is actually evil? Ever wonder if the story is all just a dream, if the characters were dead all along, or if saving the world will actually doom it? If you've ever been a fan of any long-running series, you probably know what it's like to anticipate and guess at all the wild twists the story has in store. It's a very good skill to learn, especially if you're a writer, because you can use that same skill when writing your own story.
Sometimes, the secret to forming good plots (and, by extension, good plot twists) lies in leaving your options open. Regardless of what you have outlined or planned, remember that things don't exist until you say they exist and things don't happen until you publish a chapter that says they happen. Explain ideas in pieces, leaving parts of the idea flexible so that you can tweak and refine the idea as you go without having to re-write previous chapters of your story when you suddenly have a new brilliant idea. Leave possible branching paths for your story to take, and don't make up your mind for certain until you get there.
In leaving your story open to your own interpretation, you can become a fan of your own series, and your crazy conspiracy theories become actual options as to how you can progress your story! This helps your story thematically, too, because your continued reasoning for the path you will ultimately choose will exist in the subtext of your writing, making for excellent foreshadowing. It also helps you form a special connection with your reader, as your reader's ongoing perception of the story comes to resemble the same perception you had when you were writing. It's also a great way to pull off a great twist; inflexible plots can easily become predictable, because the themes and subtext will all blatantly point to the inevitable conclusion, whereas it's a lot harder to predict something if even the author isn't one hundred percent sure where the story is headed!
This technique works especially well in fan fiction, where stories are slow-paced and spread out over the course of updates, leaving a very long time for you to reflect upon what you've written and plan for the future of the story. If you're writing a manuscript that won't be published or presented until it's totally done, it's a bit harder because of the temptation to just keep writing until you hit writer's block, rather than taking a breather at the conclusion of each chapter and thinking about where the story is headed -- manuscript writers often find themselves going to back to insert their awesome ideas into previous chapters or overhauling the entire story because they thought of a better direction they could take things. That works too, but it just takes much more time and effort!
At the end of the day, it's called "the creative process" for a reason; it happens procedurally, with a beginning, middle, and an end. If you can learn to make some things up as you go along, you can use that to your advantage.
22. If you want to imbue your writing with power and move your reader's heart, learn what "themes" are, and how to control them. You might have heard the word "theme" before, perhaps from a literature or language class, or perhaps in the context of "theme song" or "desktop theme" or something like that. But, do you really know what they are, what role they play in your writing, and how important they are? Many aspiring writers don't know, and even many accomplished writers only have a loose grasp on how to handle theming, perhaps because they are able to work with themes by instinct without really understanding what they are accomplishing. Well, I'll try to give a little crash course on the basics of theming, just because it's so important to every aspect of the craft of writing.
A "theme" is something like an abstract concept, like "love" or "death" or "friendship" or "suffering," which appears in your story over and over again in different ways.
Themes are what a story is about underneath the surface. On the surface, a story is about characters, places, things, and events, but if you go beneath the surface, it's all about themes, and is held together by them. Your story is about characters finding love, characters suffering death of loved ones, characters exploring the nature of friendship, and so on. You might say that a theme is the meaning or significance behind a story; when someone asks you, "what's the point of this story?" the answer should be one or more of the themes your story covers. Themes are the core of any emotional work; themes are what make a work emotional. They are what give a story gravity; they are what make a story joyful or depressing or exciting or epic. The art and skill of controlling the thematic elements of a story is often called "directing" the story.
Themes are also important because they form the bulk of your writing, allowing you to transition between plot events by discussing them or illustrating them. For instance, say you're writing a story about a man whose brother is slain by an evil villain, and so he goes on a rampage of revenge to slay that villain so he can be at peace. Well, it's a very basic plot, right? So... how do you get from the beginning of the story to the end?
If you look under the surface of the specifics, you can find that this story contains a handful of different themes. Friendship, loneliness, revenge, hypocrisy... many different themes could rise in this story. You can decide which themes you like best, which ones fit the character the best. Then, you can explore them.
Friendship? Have a flashback, or several, that shows just how close these brothers were.
Loneliness? Show just how empty this murder has left our main character. Have him discuss this emptiness with other characters, think about it constantly, or perform rituals and traditions he once did with his brother. Have him pray to his brother, or constantly mention things he'd do with his brother if he were still alive. Have him find other characters who live happily with their families, and show how he reacts to that.
Revenge? Show, every chance you get, just how much he hates the villain. Write entire scenes about how he schemes to get closer to this villain just for the chance to run steel through his chest.
Hypocrisy? Ask the reader some tough questions. Is what this guy is doing right or wrong? In one scene, imply that he's justified, but in another, imply that he might be just as big as a murderer as the villain is, perpetuating the cycle of violence. Frequently flip between these two viewpoints, leaving the reader to weigh the facts and make their own decisions about whether he's justified.
And whoa! Just with four themes, already you have dozens of ideas for scenes that you can write to pass the time between actual plot events. Your story concept now has meat on its bones!
Some stories have dozens of themes that work together. Some stories have themes that exist only for one chapter, or one arc, and are resolved quickly. Some themes appear out of nowhere, and you won't see them until you write a bunch of chapters and realize what you've written. If you can learn to manipulate the themes of your story and follow where they lead, you'll soon be in control of emotional, coherent stories that ebb and flow with the ideas you present -- stories that are so much more than just "X happened, then Y happened."
23. Learn to feel the rhythm of the words. Words are musical; they rhyme, they have rhythm in stressed and unstressed syllables, they have patterns of consonant and vowel sounds, and they have many other different varieties of tone and form. It can be an especially tricky task for a writer to find just the right way to express their ideas; finding a string of meaningful words is just not enough! The words must also be pleasant to the ear.
The musical quality of words can be used to your advantage to imbue your prose with extra layers of power, meaning, or clarity. Like a song, it can guide the reader through emotions, highlight ideas, and draw parallels or prevent confusion between different thoughts presented in the story. This skill, however, is not a skill one can simply be taught. It must be picked up from experience and learned by instinct. Here are some tips which might help you to appreciate and explore the musicality of the language in which you compose your stories:
Don't speed-read all the time. Speed-reading is awesome if you're short on time, but if you're in no hurry, try to sit back and enjoy the way the words build and tell the story. In fact, imagine a voice in your mind pronouncing every word you read. Imagine that this voice belongs to a storyteller who tells the story around a campfire or on a stage before a grand audience. Imagine the tones and inflections in his or her voice. If you're up to it, try reading some passages of the story out loud, just for practice, enunciating the words as dramatically as you can manage.
Read and write poetry. The whole purpose of poetry as opposed to prose is to highlight all these interesting little devices used to make language sound musical: meter, rhyme scheme, syllable counts, and so on. These devices also occur naturally in standard prose, but in poetry, they are in the spotlight. Look up some classic poems and study them, and try to emulate their style or format with your own poems. But above all else, just enjoy them! Poetry is awesome. If you find some poetry you really like, you'll start to understand just what words are capable of when arranged properly.
Learn to appreciate music -- even music with no lyrics. It is a little-known fact that music is interpreted by the mind as a separate language! Therefore, every time you stimulate your appreciation of music, you also improve your grasp of the written and spoken word. Find some music you like and listen to it many times until you memorize it, then try to hum the melody or recite the lyrics from memory (the WHOLE song, not just the catchiest part). If you play an instrument, learn to play more songs. Explore genres of music you are not familiar with, or even those you do not normally enjoy, and try to find even the slightest redeeming qualities in them, or the rare exceptions which you actually like. Ask yourself if the lyrics of the songs you listen to match with the message of the music they are set to -- many times they do not -- and try to write your own original lyrics to the melody.
24. If something's obviously necessary for the story to advance, don't play it up for suspense. "Suspense" means that readers desperately want to know what happens next in your story. The most basic way to provide suspense is to give your main character a strong immediate need -- such as the need for survival -- but give no indication of how that need could be fulfilled. For instance, trap your hero in a room with no exits as a ceiling slowly descends upon them. In this case, the readers will be thinking one of two things: either "Does he survive?" or "I know he survives, because he's the main character, but how does it happen?" -- in doing so, they will be hooked. Another common way to provide suspense is to give your character a choice between two things, where it seems as though they need both choices, but can only have one. For instance, make your character choose between saving the life of his wife or his daughter.
There is a special kind of suspense, however, that you don't want to use in your story. For instance, pretend you're writing a science fiction story where, in chapter one, the main character is trying to get admitted to the galactic military and become a space marine. Pretend he's sitting at home, waiting for the letter to arrive in the mail to see if he's been admitted or rejected. Here, you have two options: either he does get admitted, which is the obvious and expected result since him becoming a space marine is a vital part of the story's premise, or he doesn't get admitted, which means he must lead a boring life on his home planet, and there's no story. The readers want and expect him to become a space marine, and are likely just screaming at you to get on with it, so if you choose to play this up for suspense, you are stuck with a choice of giving the reader a story they would not want to read, or giving them something predictable. It's a lose-lose scenario for you.
If you must write a scenario like this into your story, and you absolutely cannot pick an unexpected third option, then do not play it up for suspense. Instead, merely document process. Describe the events, characters, and emotions leading up to the event, but don't try to project uncertainty onto the readers; they know what's going to happen already, and they don't want or need to be disproved. Just try to get on with the story, and get to the parts where the suspense doesn't need to be contrived.
25. Reviewing tips. The "Golden Rule" is to treat others the way you wish to be treated yourself. This holds true in fan fiction communities, too: if you wish to have popularity and attention, try giving your attention to other people. Heck, this is the way my biggest story got popular: for the first arc of the story, I promised people that I would review their story if they reviewed mine. After a while, it spiraled out of control as my story became more popular than I had expected, so I had to take down the promise, but it was instrumental in getting my story noticed in the beginning.
Obviously, sharing attention means that you will have to comment on the writings of others. Here are some tips on how to do this more effectively, especially on a fan fiction site such as this one.
Don't be pushy for attention. When reviewing, don't explicitly ask people to read your story. Don't push or nudge them in the direction of reading your story. Don't even mention your story unless you know that the author is already reading your story. Please be considerate; your review is about their story, not yours. If your reviews are impressive enough, the author will look at your profile and look at your stories all on their own, without you having to push them.
Write long reviews. I cannot possibly stress this enough. Serious writers love getting huge reviews. They are the greatest crowning reward a fan fiction author strives for. If you want to make another writer really happy, if you want to give them a huge burst of joy and inspiration, write them an essay-long review that threatens to hit the word limit. Go on, do it! Forget the "good story update please" junk. Those don't tell the writer anything; they don't explain what you liked about it, or what you are expecting, or what your state of mind is as a reader: something that is very important for the author to know. Besides, you're a writer! Writers are long-winded; that's what makes them writers. You can do better than that.
Discuss your impressions of the story. As stated above, try to give the writer an impression of where your mindset lies as a reader of the story; talk about which characters you like, which characters you want to punch in the face, what you think is going to happen, what you hope will happen, what you fear will happen. Try to notice metafictional devices such as foreshadowing, parallelism, theming, and point them out. Give the writer new ideas and frame them as your own humble speculations. In all, refer to tip #1: The real story lies in the reader's heads, not on the author's manuscript. Therefore, try to fill in the author about what story you are reading, so he or she can compare it to what story they are trying to write.
Downplay your criticisms. This one is hard, and it may seem unfair to you, but remember that fan fiction has a drastically different purpose than professional writing. It is for practice and experience in hammering out thousands of words and exploring our own abilities in a sandbox environment. Remember that you are not the author's literary agent or beta-reader, unless they ask you for your services, so don't act like one. What a fan fiction writer needs most of all is encouragement; if you spend most of your time talking about what they did right, rather than what needs fixing, they will be conditioned positively to explore ways to improve upon their strengths, possibly to the point where their shortcomings become forgivable, or they figure them out for themselves and work to fix them. Harsh criticisms generally cause authors to stop writing altogether because they fear that anything they try to do will end up wrong. This is not the effect you want to spread, because it is only through experience that a writer becomes better. Harsh criticisms only tell the writer what not to do; experience tells them what to do.
In general, if you have negative criticism to offer, follow these guidelines:
* Spend most of your review discussing positive and/or neutral impressions. Minimize your negative impressions to short and concise comments; with criticisms, it doesn't take very many words for the author to "get the point", and any more is often rubbing salt in the wound.
* Before beginning a long rant or complaint to the writer, make sure you understand what effect the writer was going for. As a man once said, "It's not what the story is about, it's how it's about what it's about". Meaning, if the writer is trying to illustrate that "war is hell", don't complain that they killed off a character you liked, because giving the reader a painful or negative reaction may have been the whole point.
* Constructive criticism means that you offer advice about how it could have been done better. Make sure you understand what effect the writer was going for, then offer them tips on how to better achieve that effect. Don't try to make them change their mind or their goals for the story.
* Do not intentionally sabotage a writer's spirit with malice you have cleverly disguised as constructive criticism. Do not comment at all unless you can honestly tell yourself that you are on the writer's side and actually want to see and help them improve.
* If you have a long and detailed criticism you want to share with an author, do not post it publicly. Instead, post the positive and neutral comments to the public review board, and send the negative stuff in a private message.
If you are against child abuse, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are against racism, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are against abortion, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, or anything else that applies, copy and paste this to your profile
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this; because in the Bible, it says that, "If you deny Me, then I shall deny you before my Father in the gates of Heaven".
If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl)Pepper Lemon(Roshaun, Ronan) Second Daughter of Eve (Several, not telling.),Phish Tacko (Marty McFly, Klaus Baudelaire, Alex P. Keaton) Sugary Snicket (Danny Phantom/Fenton in my early FFN days, Durza, Dexter Morgan, Sirrus) FanofSnicket (Klaus Bauldalaire!!) Insanefangirl (Randall off monsters inc.)MrsEdgarAllanPoe(Sweeney Todd, Jack Skelington, Edward Scissorhands, Tobais Ragg, and Agent Fox "Spooky" Mulder) Spitfire47(Tobias Ragg, Seth off Prison Break, David "Tweener" Apolskis) SweeneyToddRocksMySocks (Sweeney Todd, Erik, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Edward Scissorhands, Anthony Hope, Batman), Heidi the Odd(A Lot, not telling...), TheDreamChaser (Raven Roth, Hawk Woman, Wonder Woman, Draco Malfoy) -X-Deyoxis-X- (Sora, Danny Phantom, Ash Ketchum, Robin, Harry Potter) Anisoka28 (Anakin Skywalker, Danny Phantom, Robin) MJ's Angel (Anakin Skywalker, Will Turner, Fix-It Felix Jr.), The Whisperer of Death (Nightcrawler, Hiccup, Leonardo), RavenQueenFan2605 (Ash Ketchum [when I was eight; stopped the crush the same year, Harry Potter [stopped a year or two ago, Sherlock Holmes [TV show, Matt Olsen [W.I.T.C.H., Caleb [W.I.T.C.H., slightly The Doctor (The Tenth one out of all of them) and DEXTER CHARMING [obsessive crush]), GeminiQueenRocks(sirrus black[harry potter] dextercharming[ever after high] tristan[school for good and evil] Tedros[school for good and evil] alistar wonderland[ever after high]) Fenix Fireblaze (Elsa Arendelle, Jinx [League of Legends]), AZalmega [demon day]
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6.When you drop a pen, don't pick it up. When someone reaches to pick it up for you, scream, "Wait! That's mine!!!"
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
-You know your a writer when: (bold those that are true of you)
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow, this stuff is great for sugar highs..."
You live off of sugar and caffeine
People think you're insane.
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week one week, and then disappear off the face of the earth the next.
Your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
Inspiration are a flood of everyday life.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start laughing for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
M any try to be remembered.
O nly a few succeed.
N othing hurts more then a life lost.
T o say goodbye is painful.
Y ou will be missed.
O ur lives are short.
U ntil we meet again.
M ay you be happy wherever you are.
If you are looking for good Pokémon fanfictions to improve your author's skill, I have a few good ones I can give you. The first one is Sacrifice and Subjugation. The plot overall is very interesting and the Pokémon world where the MC live in is not like any of the current six Pokémon regions shown so far but still hold the same Pokémon. The author use many various ways to describe certain scenes and some Pokémon battle, such as the attack of the Tauros herds, are so epic that you just can't stop reading.
The second one is more of a Pokémon Mystery Dungeon fanfic. It hasn't have any updates lately but you should check it out a bit and it have like 84 chapters so you can catch up to the latest chapter while waiting for the next chapter. It's called Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Silver Resistance. The story is similar to the game but if you haven't played it, this story should be worth checking out.
The third is called The Child of Mew. This version Ash is much more smarter and stronger than the original anime. And what else? He is adopted my Mew herself and raised by her. The story is dark at times and there is a second continuation fanfic to it by the same author. There also will be newer companion for Ash later on and be expecting some characters camio from the manga.
And last but not least is A Stray Little Charmander. It focused on a young man, too poor to afford being a trainer not mention orphaned at a young age. He have always live feared Pokémon to a certain degree. Yet all that takes to collapse this view is a cute Charmander he found in Viridian Forest one day. That's all the good stories I can currently recommend you. I'll give you the link below.
Here's the links: -