Hello folks welcome to this wonderful page about me, be prepared to be bored by the massive array of quotes that will have you questioning me.
"They hurt her"
About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.
Now for a long intermission of randomly assorted quotes:
"The only ones who should kill, are those who are prepared to be killed!"
Lelouch Vi Britannia (Code Geass)
"Males are all stupid and jealous. And females are stupid to be happy about it. Idiots are everywhere you look."
Holo The Wise (Spice and Wolf)
"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalent exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one and only truth."
Alphonse Elric (Full Metal Alchemist)
"Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to."
Ichimaru Gin (Bleach)
"Seeing new guns is like meeting new people; but better!"
Ruby Rose (RWBY)
"Castles may fall, kingdoms may perish; It's none of my business."
Kalas (Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean)
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
"Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."
"I reject your reality and substitute my own."
Adam Savage (Myth-Busters)
"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."
"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
“Every man dies, but not every man really lives.”
William Ross Wallace
"Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."
“I believe that the human spirit is indomitable. If you endeavor to achieve, it will happen given enough resolve. It may not be immediate, and often your greater dream is something you will not achieve within your own lifetime. But the effort you put forth to anything transcends yourself, for there is no futility, even in death.”
"It's not a matter of what's right and what's wrong, but merely a perspective of what is accepted and what's not."
Second I1. "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision."Lynn Lavner
2. "I've already wasted my whole life. I want to tell you with my last breath that I have always loved you. I would rather be a ghost, drifting by your side as a condemned soul, than enter heaven without you." Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
3. the stewardess had offered them both crayons and colouring books to keep them occupied during the flight. Naruto had refused his, but Sasuke had accepted and had spent the following hour drawing a precisely anatomically correct image of someone with a startling similarity in appearance to the stewardess being disembowelled by a three-year-old wielding a sharpened crayon. Itachi had to credit the boy’s ingenuity, but he hoped that Sasuke would not attempt to repeat such methods – crayons were very unwieldy weapons and so difficult to get clean afterwards. -Mahou no Shinobi by shinigami-lives
4. "...we've found that while explosives are not the answer to all problems, the number of situations where they can't be used effectively in some fashion is extremely limited.” -Fred,Harry Potter and the Sun Source by Clell65619.
5. "Don't think of it as Voldemort, think of it as a leather upholstered Chihuahua," -Harry,Oswald the Ottoman by lunakatrina
6. “If he isn’t,” Kakashi mused with a far too bright and pleased smile, “then he’s the most masculine, flat-chested, pelvically well-endowed woman I’ve ever met.”
Iruka looked as though he had just bitten into a particularly ripe lemon and glared around at the other. “You realize that you could have just said ‘yes’?”
Kakashi’s grin was sadistic. “Oh, but the faces you make are far more fun!” - Iruka & Kakashi, Vis a Vis
7. "Me I'm dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest, honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for because you never know when they're going to do something incredibly stupid." -Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates Of The Caribbean
8. Elizabeth Swann: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
9. Lord Beckett: You're mad!
Jack Sparrow:well thats good cause If I wasn't, this'd probably never work.
10. Jack Sparrow: Do us a favor... I know it's difficult for you... but please, stay here, and try not to do anything... stupid.
11. Barbossa: How the blazes did you get off that island?
Jack Sparrow: When you marooned me on that god forsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.
12. Barbossa: It's not possible!
Jack Sparrow: Not probable.
13. Lt. Gillette:This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'll never make it out of the bay.
Jack Sparrow: Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?
14. “Having a bad morning?”
Tezuka opened his eyes and peered through his glasses at his honey-haired friend. For all intents and purposes, he should have been happy to see him; he was after all, going to aid him in his strenuous task. Despite this, however, all he could feel was an impending sense of doom, for when he had been predicting his teammates’ reactions, he had forgotten to keep in mind one very important detail: The Fuji FactorTM.
The Fuji FactorTM was actually an addendum to Murphy's Law. The Fuji FactorTM was simple: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong at the worst possible moment because Fuji will make it so. The Fuji FactorTM had a one hundred percent success rate. And The Fuji FactorTM was a living, breathing migraine. - If Wishes Were Horses, PoT fic
15. “Rahkesh, I hate to disillusion you, but electrocution doesn’t solve all of life’s problems.” Daray said slowly, pityingly. Draco visibly bit back a chuckle. Ah, progress.
“It can, if you just allow it to.” Rahkesh replied. It communed so well with magic…well that might just be him. Daray might be better off with demon vomit or something equally odd…Rahkesh tested the magic the vampire was giving off and decided not to suggest pixie dust. - Changes in a Time of War, HP fic
16. “Trip wires are called trip wires for a reason. They don’t make you fall over, just trip.” Daray said, not even bothering to open his eyes at the threat.
“All right then, electric trip wires. A couple thousand volts, just enough to make you jump and drop dead.” Rahkesh said, signing his name on the essay. Now Daray’s eyes opened and narrowed, he looked at Rahkesh for a moment as if wondering at his sanity.
“First it was Silas in an electric net, then the shocks you installed in the door, then the tasers - I know they’re hidden in this room somewhere, and now electric trip wires. British wizards do not have a death penalty. So way are you so into electrocuting people?”
“It’s fun.” Rahkesh said, not really knowing the answer. “Why are you here anyway? Didn’t you have a duel with what’s his name – Saul?” Daray rolled his eyes skyward.
“I know you’ve been preoccupied with switching classes but really, Rahkesh, it’s eight p.m., that duel was two and half hours ago.” Daray said. Rahkesh checked his watch, oops. He’d eaten in his room that evening, working on this project, and completely lost track of time. The project was due the next day and he’d been delayed the day before with a tricky potion that had taken several hours longer than he’d thought it would.
“You won?” He asked, the vampire’s head shot up from resting on the arm of the couch to glare. “Never mind, of course you won. What was the prize again?” Daray rarely fought without stating some sort of prize for the winner. The vampire grinned smugly like a happy cat, there should have been feathers.
“Him.” Rahkesh shook his head; of course it would be something like that. Daray and Saul did not get along. Something simpler would have been too mild.
“I wasn’t referring to his blood.” Daray purred in reply. “Though I got his blood too.” The vampire added, and frowned. “And neither was very good.” Rahkesh shook his head; he never understood the vampire philosophy that life was all about sex and blood. Saul must have been very confident of his fighting abilities if he’d agreed to a bet like that. Or, more likely, Daray, being much more clever than Saul, had argued the vampire into such a corner that he couldn’t say no without appearing a coward, and, obviously, couldn’t say yes without appearing stupid. If given a choice like that Saul would have to take stupidity rather than cowardice. He could stand to appear an idiot; loss of face due to cowardice was unacceptable.
Well, Saul wouldn’t be jeering about Rahkesh switching classes anytime soon.
“You know you could have claimed the prize was another duel with the winner of the first duel’s choice of weapon. You know he can’t duel worth shit with silent magic. You could have hung him from the dinning hall ceiling and repeatedly electrocuted him so he’d flop around and amuse everyone.” Rahkesh suggested, he didn’t like Saul either but the arrogant nasty vampire had never challenged him, yet. Saul was still getting over his first fight with Rahkesh outside the entrance to Akren valley.
“Again I ask, what is it with you and electrocuting people?” Daray said, Rahkesh shrugged again.
“It makes them cry?” He offered weakly, and immediately regretted saying it when the vampire snorted and broke out into a delighted toothy grin.
“I knew you were a hidden sadist. Next time the brat pisses you off you can do that to him. Maybe if he gets humiliated enough he’ll stop being such an ass. Everyone knows what our bet was and everyone knows he lost, the duel only took five minutes you know, and about a third of the school was there in the gym, so I’d be surprised if he shows his face at all for the next week.” Daray stated. Rahkesh had to laugh, Daray didn’t do anything half way and if he was going to beat Saul then the larger the audience the better. Especially if it was a vampire audience, there was a sort of wordless communication and understanding there that Rahkesh couldn’t quite get.
17. He grimaced and decided to hide in his room for the duration of the trip, sharpening his Shivs.
Hopefully they’d take the hint.
If not, well, he knew a lovely Air-lock only a few corridors down. - When Worlds Collide, HPRiddick fanfic
18. I put everything together in a pan and started to actually cook the meat, "Can you throw one of those advertisements on my dresser when you get the chance?"
"Sure, why not," I heard her get up again and walk down the hall.
She returned a minute later a started to set table, "When'll the food be ready?"
"In a half hour relax."
"Well, I'm hungry."
"What do you want me to do? Serve the meat rare?"
"Would it kill you?"
"It's not me I'm worried about."
"So what? You're saying if you ate the meat rare it wouldn't affect you either way, but if I ate it, I'd probably get sick?"
"Perceptive aren't you?"
"Why, thank you."
"Do you enjoy torturing me?"
"If I said yes would you be mad?"
"Are you lying to me?"
"Augh! You are the most infuriating man I have ever met!"
"Thank you. I take pride in my work."
"I don't like you right now."
"Never said you had to like me."
"You know I can throw you out of this house anytime I want?"
"So why do you torture me?"
"Because if you threw me out of the house you would need to find another housemate."
"Plus, I doubt you'd find another housemate as good looking as me."
"(Sigh) Just when you think he wouldn't say anything..."
"Do you disagree with my comment?"
"Then what in seven hells is your problem?"
"The fact that you're usually always right."
"You act like I should care."
"Maybe later." - Ranma & Sasha, from Misunderstanding Scars, R1/2
19. Ichigo stared, before rolling his eyes and kicking the hell out of the sissies trying to get at Grimmjow from behind. He couldn’t blame them, really. Facing Grimmjow head on was like telling the whole world you had a suicide note and a will ready for all to see. He had incredible strength and a disposition willing to show it off – luckily he beat the need to kill out of the man a few years back. - Bonds, by Impervious Marr
20. “And this ladies and gentlemen is why one must never call an Akimichi fat,” Naruto tells the remaining Genin from their observation room.
“For thou art tiny and go squish when stepped on,” Kiba adds with chuckle when he notices Ten-Ten’s bug-eyed expression. - Master of Puppets, Naruto fanfic
21. “Pleasure, I’m sure. Listen, Minato, could you help us with something?” She interjected.
Minato felt a chill run down his spine as he recognized the mischievous glint in his fiancé’s eyes. Getting a terrible feeling of foreboding, he briefly glanced at Rei, one thought running through his mind; Surely, there couldn’t be two of them?
Recognizing the identical glint of mischief in Rei’s eyes, Minato realized with sudden dread that; Yes. Yes there could. – Fuinjutsu
22. And Salazar, though sneaky and sly, never lied. He was a man of his word…it just took time to learn how to understand his word that was the problem. The twisting of the few words he did speak normally left many thinking he was a slimy liar but if told such he could easily prove every time that he never lied.
23. No wonder the Pharaoh hated him so much. Bakura had to be the only person on the planet who screwed everyone over and came out on top more often than the Pharaoh himself…unless it was against the Pharaoh, that is. - Malik on Bakura, Sniping Cobra
24. "Potter Luck remember? Harry gets into a life or death situation and something just happens to occur in the nick of time to save him. Addendum to Potter's Luck: There is no such thing as serendipity. All good or seemingly trivial things come back and bite Potters in the arse. Hard."Addendum Two: There is no such thing as coincidence." - Harry Potter, forgot which fic
25. He resolved to blow something up again soon- it seemed to be therapeutic. - Bakura, from Akuryou
26. Suddenly the braided boy leaned over. "Ya know, we never introduced ourselves," he whispered. "Duo Maxwell. I run, I hide, but I never lie." "Ore no namae wa Shiraga Bakura desu," he whispered back. "Nice to meet you, Maxwell-san." The other flashed a grin. "Call me Duo. If blowing up a building together doesn't put us on a first name basis, I don't know what does." The former spirit grinned back. "Duo, then." - Duo & Bakura, from Akuryou
27. "Fuji-senpai, even robbers have something called survival instincts. You could walk covered in money through the park at midnight and still be safer than a babe in its crib." the younger boy scoffed. "That's not very nice, kitten." "But very true, good night, senpai." - Fuji and Ryoma - Enigmatic Prey
28. It was hard to tell with the goblins' craggy faces, but I could have sworn their faces were murderous. I vaguely recalled something about crossing a goblin. Don't. - forget which HPN fic this from
29. "What's your connection to him, Harry? What's your role in this?"
This was what Athena needed to know. She knew of Harry's connection, but she didn't know what, exactly, it was. Her familiar couldn't tell her for some reason. Athena needed to know if Harry was working for or against Voldemort. After his words, she could easily guess which side the boy was on, but she had to be absolutely positive. She watched as Harry smiled a smile that was cold and cruel, that she'd seen on Ares' face when he went into a battle that he knew he'd win, and have fun doing so. She'd seen that smile on Hades' face when he got a particularly nasty soul that he would get to punish for eternity. And she saw that smile on Heras' face when she got the best of Zeus.
"My role? I get to kill him." - HP, from Consort to War – fanfic
30. Forgive your enemies but never, never forget their names.
31. No I WONT go to hell! They have a restraining order against me. – From profile of Death’s Favourite Child
32. Naruto and the concept of 'impossible' had a rather interesting relationship, with both sides politely ignoring the other. – Reload by , a Naruto fanfic
33. "Insanity is just a state of mind." -Hawkeye Pierce, MASH
34. "Insanity is no worse than the common cold." -Hawkeye Pierce, MASH
35. "Oh, a stranger in town. Don't talk to me, I'm bad." -Hawkeye Pierce, MASH
36. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
37. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
38. "I hear voices... They said they don't like you."
39. "Well, the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck."
40. "I'm not antisocial, I just don't like you."
41. 'Just when you realize that life's a bitch, it has puppies.'- Adrienne E. Gusoff
42. 'Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.'- Lily Tomlin
43. Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
44. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
45. 'Growing OLD is Mandatory. Growing UP is optional!' - the wonderful MizuKitsune10
46. 'Tell me What's it like living in the perpetual haze of Stupidity?' - Hiei (YYH)
47. 'Do you Know why I chose him as my partner? So I wouldn't have to fight him myself. He's more cutthroat than I am in battle and utterly ruthless' - Hiei (YYH)
48. An essay is an attempt to explain something that could have been said in two sentences
49. There's nothing that can't be fixed with: ducttape, chocolate, or by running it over.
50. I'm not Crazy. I'm psychotic. There's a difference.
51. Sometimes we put up walls. Not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
52. "Life with men is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards." –Unknown
53. Stress: A condition caused by repressing the body's desire to strangle the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.
54. Uchiha pride was susceptible to Uzumaki taunts, regardless of age, rank or insanity. - Hidden Behind My White Mask, Naruto fanfic
55. 'There is nothing as irrational, dangerous and illogical as an Uchiha in denial'.
56. Mental anxiety, mental breakdown, menstrual cramps, menopause, did you realize how all our problems begin with MEN!
57. “It contains a misleading impression, not a lie. It was being economical with the truth.” –Robert Armstrong
58. Silence decided that it wanted its throne back.
59. "It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt."
60. "Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions."
61. "Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."
62. "God gave them a penis and a brain but not enough blood to use both at the same time..."
63. "If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them."
64. "Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it."
65. "If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination."
66. I reject your reality and substitute my own.
67. Life's a bitch, if it were easy it'd be a slut.
68. "The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins."
- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)
69. Men: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.
70. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
71. Smile - it confuses people.
72. Consciousness - that annoying time between naps.
73. If all the world's a stage, then I want to open the trap door.
74. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; not sure about the universe.
75. I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage.
76. The problem with reality is a lack of background music.
77. If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.
78. Dimitri: Here, I bought you a dress. Anastasia: (laughs) You bought me a...tent. Dimitri: What are you looking for? Anastasia: The Russian circus! I think it's still in here!
79. Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
80. I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser.
81. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
82. In theory, everything works.
83. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything. - War Laws
84. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence. - War Laws
85. Mines are an equal opportunity weapon. - War Laws
86. Weather ain't neutral. - War Laws
87. Military Intelligence is a contradiction. - War Laws
88. When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in the combat zone. - War Laws
89. Incoming fire has the right of way. - War Laws (applicable also to Hiruma)
90. Never go to bed with anyone crazier then you. - Murphy's War Laws
91. Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapons (living room), to an area with many available weapons (kitchen). - Cops Laws
92. Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lay down - if you can lay down, you might as well take a nap. - Murphy's Law, mp
93. Better to be judged by twelve, then carried by six. - Murphy's Law, mp
94. The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
95. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long someone stands there picking locks, they are always locking three. - Elayne Boosler
96. My doctor says I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. - Douglas Adams
97. Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private.
98. Welcome Strangers, you must be cold//Stay a while, the day grows old//Be not afraid, no dangers near//Just recall, we're all mad here.
99. I've been given sugar! Use this time to prepare for the end of the world!
1. I'm out of my mind. Please leave a message.
2. I'm out of bed and dressed! What more do you want?
3. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver - and a lot more accessible.
4. Rule #9: When faced with the unknown, go with your instincts. Xander: "You don't know how to kill this thing?" Buffy: "I thought I might try violence." Xander: "Solid call."
5. "Oh, look. A mini-Itachi." - Whisper about Sasuke, Foxchild
6. If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't join them, bribe them. If you can't bribe them, blackmail them. – Unknown
7. Books are always better than real, live boyfriends any day of the week. They don't talk back and they're always there for you. You can have as many of them as you want and they won't complain.
8. Whoever said sunshine brings happiness never danced in the pouring rain.
9. To think I'm going to die because I flirt with women. - Miroku, IY
10. "Your halo's falling down." - fanfic unknown, Uzumaki Naruto to Hyuuga Neiji
11. Good girls always fall for the bad boys - even if they don't admit it.
12. Words can't hurt you unless the person saying them writes them on an anvil and drops it on your head.
13. Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? - Abraham Lincoln
14. "Once you get me angry I usually stay there. I enjoy my anger, it's the only hobby I have."
15. Gabrielle: "I'm looking for my best friend. Maybe you've seen her? Six feet tall, dark hair, lots of leather, fights like the Harpies in a bad mood? Her name's Xena."
16. One should never come between a Saiyajin and food. You'll accomplish nothing, and the Saiyajin might become homicidal." - Shin, DBZ
17. The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
18. Heaven won't take me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over. - is it just me, or can I see this coming from/happening to Hiruma(ES21)?
19. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill.
20. My reality check bounced.
21. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
22. I can only please one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
23. I'd explain it to you, but you're brains would explode.
24. You STFU and I kick your ass. It's the law of equivalent exchange...bitch.
25. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall out of a window...I laugh.
26. Roses are red, violets are black, please go to hell, and never come back.
27. There's a fine line between genius and insanity, I think you crossed the line a few miles back.
28. I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal.
29. Knowledge is power, power corrupts, study hard, be evil.
30. What!! Is it so wrong to be attracted to the guys who want to destroy mankind?!
31. I don't fight with idiots; they bring me to their level then beat me with experience.
32. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.
33. I'd give you a piece of my mind, but I'm on my last one.
34. Keep smiling. It makes people wonder what you're up to. - Fuji Shusuke, Prince of Tennis
35. Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it.
36. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
37. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
38. EXCUSE ME!! I have PMS and a gun...You were saying?
39. Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Warning: Survivors will be shot again.
40. It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?
41. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
42. With friends like these, I hope my enemies have a spare bedroom.
43. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives (or electricity).
44. Do NOT label me, I'm no soup can!
45. Save the earth, it's the only place with chocolate!
46. Please: Don't throw your cigarette butts on the floor, the cockroaches are getting cancer.
47. Dementors: Turning people emo since 370 B.C.
48. If you're gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
49. If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so be quiet...
50. The worst part about being lied to is knowing you're not worth the truth.
51. WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.
52. My imaginary friend thinks you have problems.
53. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.
54. Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
55. Out of my mind, please leave a message.
56. Caution: Handicapped people will be eaten by crocodiles below.
57. I do not suffer insanity...I enjoy every minute of it
58. Damn straight I’m good in bed...I can sleep for days
59. It wasn’t me!
60. Speaking is not communication
61. Silence is golden but duct tape is silver, so make my day golden and colour it with silver.
62. Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts
63. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird
64. Don’t judge a book by its movie.
65. Chaos, panic, disorder...my work is done here
66. Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comfortable.
67. I don't get even, I get odder.
68. If marriage was outlawed only outlaws would have in-laws.
69. If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies.
70. Black holes are where God divided by zero.
71. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo
72. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and jump off it.
73. Friends are like stars, they come and go but the ones that stay are the ones that glow.
74. There are a few ways to silence the screams. Bullets happen to be one of the more efficient methods.
75. To some, death may be a blessing, to others, a vice. Me? I think death is a necessity.
76. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
77. When life gives you lemons, give them back and DEMAND CHOCOLATE.
78. When life gives you lemons, give them back and demand cash.
79. When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice in the eyes of your enemies.
80. When life gives you lemons, read them and drool.
81. I don't date vampires, I kill them." Anita Blake - Guilty Pleasures
82. "Can I still be the scourge of vampire kind while I'm sleeping with the head bloodsucker? You bet." Anita Blake - the Killing Dance
83. "There is nothing like ruining the calm of a hundred-year-old vampire to boost a girl's morale." Anita Blake
84. "Murphy's law is the only true dependable thing in my life most of the time." Anita Blake
"No one was shooting at me yet. I was encouraged by that." - Anita Blake
85. "Paranoia is just another word for longevity." - Anita Blake
86. Anita: "Jesus, are all vampires over two hundred perverts?" Jean-Claude: "I am over two hundred." Anita: "I rest my case."
87. "We might shoot each other one fine day, but we'd never sleep together. He was more interested in the fresh burn than my breasts." Anita on Edward
88. "The vampires call me the Executioner, but they call Edward Death. After all, I'd never used a flamethrower on them." Anita Blake
89. "You don't volunteer to slugfests with vampires. It shortens your life expectancy." Anita Blake
90. Anita: "You irritating son of a bitch." Jean-Claude: "Ah, ma petite, how can I resist you when you whisper such sweet endearments to me?"
91. "I never forgave anyone for anything. A character flaw to be sure, but hell, everyone's got to have one." – Anita Blake
92. "Killing I understand. Relationships confuse me." – Anita Blake
93. "I'm your bodyguard. If you die under my protection the other bodyguards will make fun of me." Edward to Anita
94. "You smell of other people's blood, ma petite." I smiled at him, sweetly. "It was no one you knew." Anita Blake.
95. Stupidity isn't punishable by death. If it was there would be a hell of a population drop. - Anita Blake
96. I wanted to wipe the grin off his face with a fist. I resisted the urge. Who says I have no self-control? - Anita Blake
97. Curiosity killed the cat. Here's to hoping it didn't do the same for animators. - Anita Blake
98. He could have the bed. I'd take the couch. What could be more innocent? Biker Nuns from Hell, but besides that. - Anita Blake
99. "Never take your eyes off the vampire in front of you to glance at the werewolf behind you. One problem at a time." Anita Blake
"Mr. White? Are you smoking weed? Oh my god... wait a minute, is that, is that my weed? What the hell man, make yourself at home why don't you." -Jesse Pinkman to Walter White.
"Yeah bitch! Magnets!" - Pinkman after his laptop was destroyed.
"Where's my money, Bitch?" - Stewie Griffin while beating up Brian Griffin.
"So computer what are you thinking right now?" (Robotic Voice "Stewie is cool" "Yay!" - Stewie Griffin playing with his laptop.
"Sir, you can't smoke within fifty feet of here [Hospital]" "Roll me further, Bitch." - Pinkman talking to an hospital employee.
"Now listen to me, I'm older and I'm wiser." "Yeah, well, you're half right." Val and Earl arguing in the movie Tremors.
"Stupid son of a bitch, knocked itself cold..." "Cold nothin...that sonovabitch's dead. We killed it. Ha! FUCK! YOU!" Val and Earl after their first encounter with a Graboid - Tremors.
"I understand that you are arresting me for robbery, but I licked the money, therefore it is mine." -Unknown, but genius.
"Everybody shut up, I'm trying to science!" - Markiplier.
"Wade...You're a douche." - Markiplier.
"The most dangerous people in the world aren't the ones that kill people, but the ones that THINK about killing people. Power to the pen, bitch." - Me
"I don't want to go." David Tennant, Tenth Doctor.
"Bow ties are cool." - Matt Smith, Eleventh Doctor.
"Fezzes are cool." - Matt Smith, Eleventh Doctor.
"All the people who blame video games and shit for the violence in the world are idiots because I played Pac-Man all my life and you don't see me sitting in a dark room eating pills." Family Friend Molly.
"In my lifetime, I have learned: hard work pays off. Dreams come true. Bad times don’t last, but bad guys do." – Razor Ramon, induction to WWE Hall of Fame April 5th, 2014.
"No WWE talent becomes a legend on their own. Every man's heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe their final breath. And if what that man did in his life makes the blood pulse through the body of others and makes them believe deeper in something larger than life then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized. By the story tellers, by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him and make the running the man did live forever. You, you, you, you, you, you are the legend makers of Ultimate Warrior. In the back I see many potential legends. Some of them with warrior spirits. And you will do the same for them. You will decide if they lived with the passion and intensity. So much so that you will tell your stories and you will make them legends, as well. I am Ultimate Warrior. You are the Ultimate Warrior fans. And the spirit of The Ultimate Warrior will run forever!" —The Ultimate Warrior (1959-2014) induction speech to WWE Hall of Fame, April 5th, 2014. RIP Warrior.
“Jesus makes me nervous, Ike says. Jesus is a spy.” – Bergman. “Housewifely Arts.”
"Lines are literally Hitler." - My roommate.
"I'm allergic to peanuts." "Really? How bad?" "I'll die." "Oh, do my peanut M&Ms bother you?" "Not really." "That has to suck." "Nah." "You'll never know how they taste!" "Not true. On my deathbed I will request a peanut M&M and a Reese's cup. If I'm going to die, I'm going to know just what the hell I'm missing out on all my life." - Conversation between myself and a classmate.
A intermission of this intermission( welcome to the obituary page):
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Back to the scheduled intermission:
"If I don't fear death, what is there to fear in life? Death means nothing to me. I will not fear some gods who falsely believed they can easily end my existence."
Come then. If you want to kill me, curse me! Hate me! Live a life full of hatred for me. Hate. Hate away and cling to whatever shred of peace you have left. And finally, when you have the eyes to combat mine, come before me!"
Those Konoha fools are in over their heads. I did nothing to them today and, yet, look at what they wrought. My room is in ruins, my food is scattered across the kitchen floor, and my writing supplies are in chaos on my desk. Tch, apparently, they think themselves so high and mighty that they can invade on another's privacy at their whim. Or is it maybe because I am the Kyuubi jinchuuriki? They're fools, the lot of them.
Father, what were you thinking when you gave into your idealism and sealed the Kyuubi no Yoko in me? Were you hoping that they would give me an easy life? Such thinking is naïve, befitting that of a child's. And mother, where was your voice in all this? Surely, as a mother, you wouldn't have agreed to the sealing of a Bijuu inside your only son, the son who has not yet even lasted a day in this world?
These people care nothing for your wishes, father. They only care for your power. They revere you as the Yondaime Hokage and your fighting prowess so greatly but they doubt your sealing expertise. What, do they believe themselves to have greater knowledge of sealing than you do, one of the greatest fuinjutsu experts of the world? Whatever the foolish reason, it is both amusing and annoying.
But do not fret, old village. I am above all you ants and gnats, with your laughable delusions and limited mindsets. I have tremendous amounts of patience for trivial matters. However, I suggest you change your ways soon. Everyone's patience has a limit, even a king's.
Even a god's' patience can't last forever.
"Hashirama's country was a shameful contradiction... Man seeks peace, yet at the same time yearning for war. Those are the two realms belonging solely to man."- Uchiha Madara (Naruto, Chapter 661)
Naruto turned to the board. "Know how to be content and you will never be disgraced; practice self-restraint and you will never be in danger. She was correct in rejecting it. Otherwise, she may have fallen to an explosive clone."
Naruto nodded. "Be careful then how you live, not as unwise people but as wise, making the most of the time, because the days are evil. Such is the life of a ninja."
"Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can, at all the times you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as ever you can." -John Wesley
"Nothing is complete in itself but requires something outside itself in order to exist." -A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy
"Justice is not something God has. Justice is something that God is." -A.W. Tozer
"We might be wise to follow the insight of the enraptured heart rather than the more cautious reasoning of the theological mind." -A.W. Tozer, The Knowedge of the Holy
13 Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that." -James 4:13-15, NIV Bible
"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive!" -Sir Walter Scott, Marmion Canto VI Stanza 17
"Parting your soup is not a miracle Bruce, it's a magic trick. A single mom who's working two jobs, and still finds time to take her son to soccer practice, that's a miracle. A teenager who says 'no' to drugs and 'yes' to an education, that's a miracle. People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is they have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle." -God [Morgan Freeman, Bruce Almighty
"When we hit our lowest point, we are opened to greatest change." -Aang, Avatar: The Legend of Korra
"A wizard knows no such word (about impossible)." -Zoc, Ant Bully
"If you don't fear death, what is there to fear in life?" -Criss Angel, Mindfreak
"Because no kingdom should be made on the backs of slaves." -Moses, Prince of Egypt
"We're both of the same breed, after all… motives for war are of no concern. Religion, ideology, resources, land, grudges, love, or just because… No matter how pathetic the reason, it's enough to start a war." -Nagato/Pain, Naruto Shippuden
"When people get hurt, they learn to hate… when people hurt others, they become hated and racked with guilt. But knowing that pain allows people to be kind. Pain allows people to grow… and how you grow is up to you." -Jiraiya, Naruto Shippuden
"The most important thing for a shinobi is teamwork!" -Namikaze Minato, Naruto Shippuden
"Those that break the rules and regulations are scum. But those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum! If I'm going to be called scum either way, I'd rather break the rules! And if that's not being a proper shinobi, then I'll destroy that idea!" -Uchiha Obito, Naruto
"When there is a true desire in the heart and that desire is strong… That is when he finds real strength that even he did not know he had!" -Orochimaru, Naruto
"Hate only gives birth to even more hate." -Orochimaru, Naruto
"... If fate is a millstone, then we are the grist. There is nothing we can do. So I wish for strength. If I cannot protect them from the wheel, then give me a strong blade, and enough strength... to shatter fate." -Kurosaki Ichigo, Bleach
"Ichigo, what's the difference between a king and his horse? I don't mean kiddy shit like "One's a person and one's an animal" or "One has two legs and one has four." If their form, ability and power were exactly the same, why is it that one becomes the king and controls the battle, while the other becomes the horse and carries the king?! There's only one answer. Instinct! In order for identical beings to get stronger and gain the power they need to become king, they must search for more battles and power! They thirst for battle, and live to mercilessly, crush, shred, and slice their enemies! Deep, deep within our body lies the honed instinct to kill, and slaughter our enemies! But you don't have that! You don't have those pure, base instincts! You fight with your brain. You try to defeat your enemies with logic! And it doesn't work! You're trying to cut them with a sheathed sword! That's why you're weaker than me, Ichigo!" -Hollow Ichigo, Bleach
"Abandon your fear. Look forward. Move forward and never stop. You'll age if you pull back. You'll die if you hesitate." -Zangetsu, Bleach
"You can't cut me. At least not with a sword that regrets having defeated me. Let me tell you the truth. The truth behind fighting. Fighting continues forever. After you've defeated one person, someone stronger appears. If you manage to defeat him, then an even stronger person comes along. If you don't have the resolve to endure that eternal struggle, then eventually your confidence will erode. But it doesn't end there! The battle will continue elsewhere, fought by others. It's an endless cycle! And it doesn't end with a person's death. The cycle will continue! As long as people and their souls exist, there will be disputes and those disputes will lead to fights. And those fights will continue without limit, for all eternity." -Kariya Jin, Bleach
"A strong heart is needed in order to control a strong power. You lack that. As such, you can't control your power. By only gaining part of this power, you will destroy yourself in the not too distant future." -Koga Go, Bleach
"I intended to die. But I was told to live. I'm taking their words to heart. This time, it's my turn to help everyone live. To do that, I'm willing to die fighting." -Kujo Nozomi, Bleach
"When you're up high, all the stuff that looks confusing and messed up... suddenly becomes crystal clear." -Senna, Bleach
"Never admit defeat and ask for a quick death! Die first, then admit defeat! If you are defeated but didn't die, it just means you were lucky! At those times, think only about survival! Survive and think only about killing the one who failed to kill you!" -Zaraki Kenpachi, Bleach
"I can't wait until I'm older. There's nothing great about being young. Being young means that you're still naive. That's why it feels like you're soaring in the sky or sinking beneath the ocean when someone you admire betrays you. Those emotions control your entire life and can make you lose sight of who you are. By growing older, your heart grows more experienced. You grow one step further away from being controlled by your feelings and are able to keep from soaring through the sky or sinking to the depths of the ocean. That's what it means to grow older." -Hinamori Momo, Bleach
"Battle is not a stage for empty heroics and nor is it something to take pleasure in. Battle is filled with despair. Dark, terrifying. That is the way that it should be. That way, people learn to fear battle and to choose the path of non-violence where possible." -Kira Izuru, Bleach
"Do not lose your composure, do not break your stance, stretch out your awareness, and do not let your guard down for even a second." -Ulquiorra Cifer, Bleach
"No world is without sacrifices. But if we produce casualties, we would also sustain casualties of our own." -Tia Harribel, Bleach
"As I taught you before, there is no mercy for he who obstructs justice." -Yamamoto Shigekuni Genryusai, Bleach
"Puppets cannot oppose or defy the puppetmaster." -Cosmo Entelechia's motto, Mahou Sensei Negima
"It is a truth that would cause most to sink into despair and curse the gods. Indeed that is all whom I had previously observed reacted." -Fate Averruncus, Mahou Sensei Negima
"If the king does not move, his subordinates will not follow." -Lelouch vi Britannia, Code Geass
"The only ones who should kill, are those who are prepared to be killed." -Lelouch vi Britannia, Code Geass
"A false tear brings pain to the ones around you, but a false smile brings pain to one self." -C.C., Code Geass
"War has historically been an action favored by idiots." -Charles zi Britannia, Code Geass
"No matter how sad or hurt you are, don't forget to smile... No matter how cruel reality is, if you can keep a smile on your face, one day that happiness will come true…" -Aureriel Fairchild, Freezing
"Let this be your first lesson. I have no love for you or your people. On the contrary, I intend to scour humanity from this planet, and make no mistake: I have the power to do it." -Arthas Menetil/Lich King, Warcraft
"You speak of justice? Of cowardice? I will show you the justice of the grave... and the true meaning of fear." -Arthas Menethil/Lich King, Warcraft
"Einstein defines Insanity as 'doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.' By that knowledge, Penny is coo-coo for cocoa puffs. " -Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory
"I don't know! You have to devise a scenario that plausibly explains my absence, keeping in mind, that the key to a good lie lies in the details." -Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory
"I'm a horny engineer, Leonard. I never joke about math or sex." -Howard Wolowitz, Big Bang Theory
"The true mind can weather all the lies and illusions without being lost. The true heart can touch the poison of hatred without being harmed. Since beginning-less time, darkness thrives in the void, but always yields to purifying light." -Lion Turtle, Avatar: The Last Airbender
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." -Yoda, Star Wars
"There's always a bigger fish." -Qui-Gon Jinn, Star Wars
"Remember, your focus determines your reality." -Qui-Gon Jinn, Star Wars
"Fear. Fear attracts the fearful, the strong, the weak, the innocent. Fear is my ally." -Darth Maul, Star Wars
"Tell me what you regard as your greatest strength, so I will know how best to undermine you; tell me of your greatest fear, so I will know which I must force you to face; tell me what you cherish most, so I will know what to take from you; and tell me what you crave, so that I might deny you…" -Darth Plagueis, Star Wars
"Good. Twice the pride, double the fall." -Cound Dooku, Star Wars
"Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticle, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds." - HK-47, Star Wars
"Apathy is death." -Bao-Dur, Atton Rand, Disciple, Handmaiden, Visas, HK-47, T3-M4, Star Wars
"There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force." -The Jedi Code, Star Wars
"Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me." -The Sith Code, Star Wars
"What greater weapon is there than to turn an enemy to your cause? To use their own knowledge against them?" -Bastila Shan, Star Wars
"The eye sees, but cannot see itself. Anyone can be the eye, but the key to Jedi training is to be able to see oneself." -Vandar Tokare, Star Wars
"We all have our heroes. And when we watch them fall, we die inside. She made a choice once… and I did not." -Atris, Star Wars
"I'm not a warrior, I'm a soldier. There's a difference. Warriors attack and conquer, they prey on the weak. Soldiers defend and protect the innocent—usually from warriors." -Carth Onasi, Star Wars
"I'll take the stupid one, who decided to threaten us rather than shoot us when he had the chance." -Bao-Dur, Star Wars
"When you risk pain or death for another, there is no truer test of your beliefs and strength." -Brianna/Handmaiden, Star Wars
"There are many kinds of hate, and all of them have the call of the dark side in them." -Visas Marr, Star Wars
«Our claws are tools, not weapons. To use them in battle is to become an animal. It is madness without honor.» -Zaalbar, Star Wars
"Love doesn't lead to the dark side. Passion can lead to rage and fear, and can be controlled, but passion is not the same thing as love. Controlling your passions while being in love, that's what they should teach you to beware, but love itself will save you, not condemn you." -Jolee Bindo, Star Wars
"I shall not be denied!" -Marka Ragnos, Star Wars
"I would use it as I would use a poison, and in the hopes of understanding it, I will learn the way to kill it." -Darth Traya/Kreia, Star Wars
"To be united by hatred is a fragile alliance at best." -Darth Traya/Kreia, Star Wars
"It is such a quiet thing, to fall. But, far more terrible is to admit it." Darth Traya/Kreia, Star Wars
"Nothing is impossible with the Force." -Darth Traya/Kreia, Star Wars
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side." -Han Solo, Star Wars
"The way to extinguish a shadow, is to increase the light." -Cilghal, Star Wars
"The Force is a tool, Jaden. Sometimes a weapon, sometimes a salve. Dark Side, Light Side, these are distinctions of insignificant difference. Do not fall into the trap of classification. Sentience curses us with a desire to categorize and draw lines, to fear that after this be dragons. But that is illusion. After this is not dragons but more knowledge, deeper understanding. Be at peace with that." -Kyle Katarn, Star Wars
"Remember: abilities are not inherently good or evil, it's how you use them." -Kyle Katarn, Star Wars
"A Sith knows when to unleash the fury of the dark side, and when to hold back. Patience can be a weapon if you know how to use it, and your anger can fuel the dark side if you learn how to control it." -Darth Bane, Star Wars
"Your destiny is now your own. Sever all ties to your past. No one must know that you still serve me. Now go. And remember that the dark side is always with you." -Darth Vader, Star Wars
"Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force." -Darth Vader, Star Wars
"The dark side of the Force holds many abilities some may consider to be unnatural." -Chancellor Palpatine, Star Wars
"To the well-organised mind, death is but the next greatest adventure." Albus Dumbeldore, Harry Potter
"There is no good and evil, there is only power...and those too weak to seek it." -Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter
"Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies. You must know this, Dumbledore." -Tom Riddle, Harry Potter
"Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends." -Gandalf, Lord of the Rings
"End? No, it doesn't end here. Death is just a new path, a path everyone has to take." -Gandalf, Lord of the Rings
"It takes an idiot to do cool things...that's why they're cool. - FLCL
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. - Lao Tzu
A single step can crush a man's balls. - Girlfriend.
"If the opposite of Pro is Con then the opposite of Progress is Congress" - random thought.
"Yes!" "No!" "What was the question?" - me
"There is a fine line between sanity and insanity, and I have white out" - me
"In War - Victory, In Peace - Vigilance, In Death - Sacrifice" - The Grey Wardens (Dragon Age Origins)
B.O.H.I.C.A.: Bend Over Here It Comes Again
F.U.B.A.R. : F#cked up beyond all recognition
H.U.M.A.S.: Head Up My @ss Syndrom
S.N.A.F.U. : Situation Normal All F*cked Up
A.D.O.S.D : Attention Deficit Oh Shiny Disorder (Friend says I have this)
F.O.C.U.S. : F*ck Off Cuz Ur Stupid - T-shirt
D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F. : Do I Look Like I Give A F*ck! - Necros Chris
F.I.N.E: F#cked IN Extreme - Rachel Morgan "Ever After"
Its's a Stupid idea, I'll go first - Girlfriend to Me
What color is the Sky in your world - Me to friends daughter
The Angel on my shoulder was gang raped by the devil from the other shoulder and the voices in my head - Me to friend about decisions made.
"Madness & Sanity are labels given by society...and I am Anti-Social" - Me
"I am fluent in three languages. English, Sarcasm and Profanity." Girlfriend to me
"I am right 97 percent of the time, who cares about the other 4 percent." - my t-shirt.
Diamonds are a Girls Best friend, Boobs are everybody's friend - Girlfriend to me at the bar.
"It doesn't Matter whose on First, I'm holding a F'n steel bat" - me at bar league baseball game.
"There is no such thing as overkill, there is only open fire and reload" - shirt
Golf is the only game I can legally play and drive drunk - Uncle to Me
NASCAR fans are as violent as any Hockey Game in Canada - Uncle watching ESPN
When did chess become a sport? did I miss it becoming full contact? do the pieces explode - Cousin upon hearing chess declared an "olympic sport"
Follow up statement "What's next Pokemon at the Olymics? Bey Blade?" cousin again
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. —Douglas Adams
I told my wife that men are like fine wine, they get better as they age. The next thing I know, she locks me in the basement for 5 years.(Note: This is for the quotes sake, I don't have a wife.) —Unknown
I was lying in my bed one night looking up at the stars when I thought, "What happened to my ceiling?" —RandomGal
If slim chance and fat chance mean the same thing, then does that mean fat is the new slim? —Spartan Ninja
There is nothing wrong with argueing with yourself. Its when you argue with yourself and lose is when you should start worrying. (Note: You will always lose if the arguement is finished between you and yourself because you are both sides, which is why most people assume people who argue with themselves need help.) —Spartan Ninja
Suicide is a persons way of saying to God, "You can't fire me, I quit." —Unknown
Men can never get raped because they always want it. —Unknown
I'm gonna be Hokage, Dattebayo! —Uzumaki Naruto
Even if I’m a genin for life, I’ll still become Hokage, watch me! I’m not scared of you! —Uzumaki Naruto
What Makes a Good Soldier? Is it his Brain? Or His Heart? —Matt Baker
Oops! You nearly roasted my side! —Eragon to Saphira
It'll be like a sleepover, and we can decorate. How awesome is this gonna be?! —Donut regarding watching the base with Simmons
Bow Chicka Bow Wow! —Tucker
Caboose, that's why I always liked you: everything falls into two categories. Either you don't understand it or you just don't care. —Tucker
Ya, I don't know what you really mean by that, but I guess it doesn't really matter. —Caboose
It is an undeniable and may I say a fundamental quality of man that when faced with extinction, every alternative is preferable. —Dr. Leonard Church
I regret nothing! I lived as few men have dared to dream! —The Red Zealot after the Blue Zealots lynch him.
I am not a thing. My name is Leonard Church. And you will fear my laser face. —Espilon Church
I like my digital life so much better than my stupid real life. —Simmons
You are in the future. Things are very shiny here. —Caboose
You ever wonder why we're here? —Simmons (And so Red vs. Blue begins.)
Also I see a big ship. NOW I KNOW I'M HALLUCINATING!! —Caboose
I've got half a mind to kill you, and the other half agrees. — Church
"There's no 'I' in team." "Oh yeah! Well there's no "you" in "team" either! So I guess if I'm not on the team and you're not on the team, then nobody's on the goddamn team. The team sucks!"—Simmons and Grif
"Yep, hand to hand combat is the old school way to kill your enemies. Killing a man with your bare hands says 'We're all equals as men except I'm slightly more equal because I'm still alive and your dead.' Of course dropping a nuke on them from 50 thousand feet is totally acceptable. I mean let's face it, there just not enough time in this world to show everybody the courtesy of a good strangling." —Sarge
"Shotgun to the face is a great contingency plan! Wanna see how it cures insubordination?" —Sarge
Caboose: "Hey Church, ever wonder why we're here?"
Church: "You know, Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that has happened, you know what I learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant, or an idiot, or a know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise them on a personal level. Not because they're Red, or Blue, but because you know them, and you see them every single day, and you can't stand them because they are a complete and total fucking douchebag."
Caboose: "...I meant why are we up here in the sun when we could be standing down there in the shade."
Church: "Oh. Yeah, okay. Let's go stand in the shade." - Red vs. Blue
Goddamit Joel. —Gus
Goddamit Gus. —Joel
Don't take life seriously, no one ever makes out alive anyways. —Unknown
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all of its students. —Louis Hector Berlioz
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. —Unknown
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. — A. Whitney Brown
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. —Unknown
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. —Unknown
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. —Unknown
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. —Unknown (I have so many unknowns)
The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be? -it is the same angels breathe. — Mark Twain
Die? Didn't you know? Spartans never die. — The last, and most memorable, words of Lieutenant Commander Kurt-051, a.k.a. Kurt Ambrose
I... have beaten fleets of thousands! Consumed a galaxy of flesh and mind and bone. — The Gravemind
...I? I am a monument to all your sins. — The Gravemind
They let me pick, did I ever tell you that? Choose whichever Spartan I wanted. You know me. I did my research. Watched as you became the soldier we needed you to be. Like the others, you were strong and swift and brave. A natural leader. But you had something they didn't. Something no one saw... but me. Can you guess? Luck. — Cortana
"Were it so easy." — The Arbiter in Halo 3
"Come in as strangers, leave as friends." — Motto of my grandfathers resturaunt in Albany, Athos
“ No man’s life can be encompassed in one telling. There is no way to give each year its allotted weight, to include each event, each person who helped to shape a lifetime. What can be done is to be faithful in spirit to the record and try to find one’s way to the heart of the man…" — Richard Attenborough
"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." Winston Churchill
"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much." Unknown
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car." Unknown
“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: ‘Cover for me.’ Number 2: ‘Oh, good idea, Boss!’ Number 3: ‘It was like that when I got here.’” Homer Simpson - The Simpsons
“Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?" Sideshow Bob - The Simpsons
"Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together." Carl Zwanzig
"The object of war is not to die for your country, it's to make the other bastard die for his." General George S. Patton
“This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers” Randal Graves - Clerks
"Guns don't kill people... but they sure help."
“There’s only two men I trust. One of ‘em’s me, the other one’s not you” Cameron Poe - Con Air
"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?" Scott Adams
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." George W. Bush
"Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didn't we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?" Jay - Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
"That's what the Internet is for! Slandering others anonymously."
"Fighting fair is for people that don't know how to avoid losing correctly."
"I don't drink from the fountain of wisdom, I gargle."
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
"I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch and you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating... and you finish off as an orgasm." - George Carlin
"A fighter with lesser skill can knock out a man in one punch, but a regular person can make a skilled fighter cry like a girl with a single bullet."
"No technology is worth my dignity. If talking on a wireless headset means I gotta look like Buck Rogers, then I'm not interested. Besides, there's a reason why people hold a phone to their head! It lets people around you know your talking on the phone. So those people know not to waste time talking to you until you finish, which you then indicate, by putting that mothafucka away!" Gin Rummy - The Boondocks (And my thoughts on that stupid fucking bluetooth kick that 85% of this country was on a few years ago)
"If at first you don't succeed, deny that you were really trying in the first place."
"If you get glitter on you prepare to have it on you forever, because glitter is the herpes of craft supplies." Dimitri Martin
"Keep your expectations low. If you expect a kick in the balls, but get a slap in the face, then it's a victory."
"It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose."
"Cheating: The Plan B of winners for over 2000 years."
"The thing you should be thinking about isn't whether or not I can actually kill you with the nail clippers, it should be the fact that whether I can or not is irrelevant. No matter if I can or not, you know full well that I'm going to try, and that more than anything else should scare the hell out of you for more than one reason and answer your question right there." Kenchi618- Taken verbatim from my younger brother questioning my sanity after pissing me off in my bedroom post-shower and I took to threatening him with aforementioned grooming device.
"We are not retreating -- We are advancing in another direction." General Douglas MacArthur
"Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."
"There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life."
"I don't understand a word you're going on about, but I know exactly what you're saying and I refuse to apologize."
"Nope, no matter how bad things seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it, Nancy. Quit yer bitching."
"I have a first place ribbon in doing nothing, it's the same color as last place... It's purple."
"You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your tricks of war." - Napoleon Bonaparte
Heaven doesn't want me, and hell's afraid I'll take over. Again.
Chaos. Panic. Pandemonium. My work here is done.
When the world is ending, I'm throwing the party!
People are like Slinkys. Basically useless. And yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.
You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. You can, however, pick the insane asylum where you have them all locked away.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do.
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.
I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
They keep saying the right person will come along. I think a truck hit mine.
You're diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
If it wasn’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
When I die, I want to go peacefully, like my grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
That, my children, is called a wall. But beware, the wall is solid. Yes, be afraid! Be very afraid, for we cannot walk through it! Believe me, children, for I have attempted this many times before.
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.
Well, the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous: you suck.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.
Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.
If you can easily finish a novel in one day, put this on your profile!
Don't upset me, i'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Be optimistic, someday everyone you hate are going to die.
Sometimes i lay awake at night and ask "Where have i gone wrong?" and a little voice in my head says "This is gonna take more than one night."
The buddy system is essential to survive, it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Forgive your enemies, it messes with their heads.
9 out of the 10 voices in my head agree that I'm sane.
I'm not afraid of death, what's it gonna do? Kill me?
People are like slinky's, useless but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I used to have super powers but then my therapist took them away.
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
Go to hell!" "Been there, done that, got bored, bought a t-shirt, came back.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
It is surprising that history should be so dull considering that so much of it is invented.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
(Someone boring talking to you) "Hold that thought, I need to do something" walk over and stare at a wall "yup, a lot more interesting"
I used to think that the whole world was against me. Now I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
"If there's a light at the end of the tunnel it's the oncoming train"
"Whoever said that words don’t hurt, never got hit by a dictionary."
Parents spend the first half of your life teaching you to walk and talk, and the other half telling you to sit down and shut up.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh harder.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
'Pessimist' is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is.
Don’t steal, the government hates competition.
Your village called, their idiot is missing
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
This isn't school! This is Hell with fluorescent lighting.
If con is the opposite of pro, tell me, what is the opposite of progress?
I'm never wrong. Once, I thought I was, but I was mistaken.
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn
Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... if you throw it hard enough.
Whoever said, "Nothing is impossible," never tried slamming a revolving door.
You are an asset, when you’re not being a pain in the asset.
Stupid is when you spend 18 hours trying to drown a fish.
You can have as many friends that money can buy, but I’ll still hate you for free.
I never apologize. I’m sorry, that’s just the way I am.
If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
If you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
When butterflies fall in love do they feel humans in their stomachs?
Me? Fail English!? … That’s unpossible!
I ate my homework cos my teacher said it was a piece of cake. – she lied.
If all the world's a stage... where the heck is the audience sitting??
Don’t expect the unexpected unless the unexpected expects you.
I am a member of NAPWDLA…National Association of People Who Don’t Like Abbreviations
There’s a fine line between genius and stupidity… I like to jump rope with that line.
In the beginning God made the heaven and the earth. The rest was made in China.
A message to LIFE: Please stop giving me lemons, can I have some chocolate now?
I don’t walk away from fights, I prefer running.
Many of us have sought the meaning of life. Fortunately it’s out on DVD now.
I’m always right… except when I’m wrong.
It’s bad luck to be superstitious.
Excuse me, but do these stairs go up?
To kill a mocking bird. Now that’s one less bird that will wake you up, with it’s chirping.
If aliens come down to earth looking for intelligent life. Wrong planet. Sorry.
If life gives you lemons, say, “Great! I love lemons! What else ya got?”
HEY CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT THE CAPS LOCK KEY IS FOR.
Why can’t I get any soup with this fork?
Today, I took an elevator up from the top floor to the basement. It was up-lift-ing.
The is a thin line between a stupid and a fool. I’m on a quest to discover whether it was an idiot or a fool who erased it.
We cannot give you the weather today because we depend on weather reports from the airport which is shut due to weather conditions. We might be able to give you a weather report tomorrow depending on the weather.
A day without sunshine is, like night.
People always say you can be who you wanna be but I can never be a giraffe.
Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you’d better set off a few minutes earlier.
"What color was Napoleon’s white horse?" "Uh, I dunno… Black?"
As a girl was looking at a poodle, she said “Whoa! it’s a sheep!”
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.
And that ends our intermission. Welcome back to the rest of the profile page. Which is nothing... So did you have fun being annoyed by this stupidly long page full of basically nothing about me?