He's like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night, and the storm in the heart of the sun. He's ancient and forever... He burns at the center of time and he can see the turn of the universe... And... he's wonderful.
Do not go gentle into that good night; Rage, Rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas, Do not go gentle into that good night.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance than baffle them with bullshit.
Come to the dark side. (We have cookies.)
Have you noticed that people can sometimes do the impossible because they don't know it's impossible?
Be the kind of woman who, when her feet hit the ground in the morning, the Devil says, "Oh crap, she's awake!"
When in doubt, make up words.
Sticks and stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within.
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask directions.
Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside, but we can't run around naked?
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up
Don’t knock on death’s door…ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
Do I know Sarcasm? Why yes, he's my best friend. I call him Snarky for short...(He's kinda cute as well)
It takes real skill to trip over a flat surface
I am a bomb technician - If you see me running try to keep up.
Be insane- well behaved people never made history.
"Sir, we're surrounded!" "Excellent, we can attack in any direction!"
Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.
"With great power, comes the great need to take a nap. Wake me up later."
- Nico di Angelo
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You musn't loose it."'
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself.
Something here doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick.
The gods must love stupid people, they made so many.
Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
Children are the future. Be afraid, very afraid.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.
Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Save the Earth, it's the only planet with chocolate.
You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had.
If you can't BEAT them, JOIN them
If you can't JOIN them, BRIBE them
If you can't BRIBE them, BLACKMAIL them
If you can't BLACKMAIL them, KILL them
If you can't KILL them, you're SCREWED
I took the less traveled road... NOW WHERE THE HECK AM I?
Hating the one you love is far harder than loving the one you hate.
- Cristina Orante
Pros & Cons of making food:
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good
Asian Grading Scale:
B: Below Average
C: Can't have dinner
D: Don't come home
F: Find a new family
This went from fluffy to smutty really fast
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're an idiot!
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends grab those knives and stab those bastards back for you.
A good friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you're slightly cracked- Bernard Meltzer
Friends are relatives you make for yourself- Gustache Deschamps
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Amateurs 1- Pro 0.
To put it nicely, I hope you choke
Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
A day without sunshine is like... night.
I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster.
Whoever said that 'nothing was impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door.
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it.
When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell.
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.
Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.
I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.
Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.
Real friends don't let you do stupid things--alone.
The butterflies are plotting SOMETHING...
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity, Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
THIS IS THE STUPID TEST:
1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. Broken a chair by leaning back in it
4. Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not/or had had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. Been caught staring at your crush by your crush him/herself
8. Have looked for something for at least 10 min then realized it was in your hand
9. Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. Tried to pull open a door that said push
11. Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love potion
12. Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
21. Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. Have fallen out of a moving vehicle
23. Have run into a closed door
24. Have almost shot someone with a real gun while trying to shoot something else
25. Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
31. After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc on purpose even though you knew it was hot
36. Picked out your change of clothes, took off the ones you had on and then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. Walked into a pole
40. Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
41. Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. Tried to take a picture of your/someone's eye with the flash on
43. Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there forgot what is was that you were going to do.
46. Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. Have poked yourself in the eye
49. Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
51. Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was.
55. Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. Looked into an overhead light purposefully while it was on
57. Got up early and got ready for school/work/meeting, then realized that you didn't have school/work/meeting that day.
58. Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
59. Made fun of someone else joking about something when you have/do that thing yourself.
60. Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny or a movie
61. Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. Said funner, then had someone make fun of you for it
63. Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong
68. Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out
70. Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
72. Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. Ran into a door jam
74. Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. Have purposely licked playground sand
77. Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would pull your hairs out
81. Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. Sat and wondered why men’s dress shirts have a loop on the back.
84. Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked weird
88. When at a restaurant/cafeteria, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. Have flung forks at people in a restaurant/cafeteria
90. Sucked on a cup and got a hickey from it.
91. As you were writing, you moved your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. Started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. When you saw a ‘beware of dog’ sign, you told the owners to beware of the dogs not realizing they owned the dogs
97. You have spelled your own name wrong before (Literally took till 3rd grade to learn to spell it -.- Thanks grandma)
98. When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling.
99. Have used your calculator as a form of communication in class. (We had cool ones that you could actually type out sentences with!)
100. Have popped a balloon in your mouth
73 out of 100...
You say vampires,
I say wizards.
You say Robert Pattinson,
I say Daniel Radcliffe.
You say Jacob Black,
I say Sirius Black.
You say Volturi,
I say Voldemort.
You say Forks,
I say Fawkes
You say Edward Cullen,
I say Cedric Diggory forever.
You talk about fan following,
I talk about WORLD following.
You say pretty Bella,
I say kick ass Ginny.
You say the best couple is Edward and Bella,
I say that's Ron and Hermione .
You say thunderstorm baseball in a forest,
I say thunderstorm Quidditch in midair.
You say run,
I say why bother when you can just Apparate?
You say Victoria,
I say Bellatrix.
You say shapeshifting wolves,
I say Animagi Marauders.
You say blood,
I say Honeydukes Chocolate.
You say fans,
I say fanatics.
END: Dud, because they were too scared to fight,
END: War WON!
You say Twilight Saga,
I say Harry Potter, now AVADA KEDAVRA!!
Kim Possible Is Lily Evens (Both Have Red Hair and Green Eyes)
"Dear Mr. Potter,
You have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry..."
One sentence to change millions of lives, to begin a decade...
"Harry Potter...the boy who lived...come to die..."
One sentence to end
"The stories we love best do live in us forever; whether you come back by page, or by the big screen, Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."
...One sentence, to bring it all back.
Re-post if you will stick with Harry, until the very end. Until the spines of your books are weakened and the pages are falling out, until you're 80 years old and sitting in your rocking chair, reading the Philosopher's (Sorcerer's) Stone, and your family asks you "After all this time?" and you say "Always."
Re-post if Harry Potter has been your light in the darkest of times, and has given you happiness.
Re-post if you will not cry because it is over, but smile because it happened.
Re-post if you believe we'll miss the train ride in, and the pranks pulled by the twins, although it's nowhere we've been, we'll keep smiling on, from the times we had with them.
Re-post if you owe JK Rowling, Tom Felton, Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Evanna Lynch, Bonnie Wright, Matthew Lewis, and the rest of the cast of HP your childhood.
Re-post if HP has changed you
Re-post for Tonks, Remus, Ted Tonks, Fred, George's ear, Colin Creevy, the Horcrux in Harry.
"The Percy Jackson Pledge"
I promise to remember Percy
Whenever I'm at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth
Whenever a spider comes at me
I promise to protect nature
For Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron
Whenever I see a sign that says ''Free Pony Ride''
I promise to remember Tyson
Whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia
Whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse
Whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca
Whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico
Whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others
I promise to remember Zoe
Whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel
Whenever a limo passes my car
I promise to remember The Stolls
Whenever my home is beginning to unsettle
I promise to remember Beckendorf
Whenever I see someone working metal
I promise to remember Silena
Whenever a friend takes one for the team
I promise to remember Michael Yew
Whenever I see a smile that gleams
I promise to remember Briares
Whenever I see someone playing hand games
I promise to remember those lost in the Battle of the Labyrinth
Whenever I see a cloth in flames
I promise to keep people included For Hestia
When she was banished from the gods
I promise to remember those campers who fought against Kronos
Whenever I see someone go against the odds
I promise to remember Jason
Whenever I see a lightning bolt
I promise to remember Hazel
Whenever I see a pot of gold
I promise to remember Piper
Whenever I see a pretty girl
I promise to be nice to everyone
For Leo was the seventh wheel Yes
I promise to remember PJO
Wherever I may go...
Good friend vs Bestfriend
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will hand you a Kleenex and ask you “Who do I have to kill?”
A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend convinces you not to jump off the cliff. A best friend hugs you "Goodbye, I'll miss you. Can I have your I-pod?"
An enemy stabs you in the front. A friend stabs you in the back. A boyfriend stabs you in the heart. But best friends just poke each other with straws.
GOOD FRIENDS are for a few years, BEST FRIENDS ARE FOR LIFE. My best friend is insane, if yours is too then copy this onto your profile.
FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella. BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you're not down anymore/Cry with you.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Return your stuff right away. BEST FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (a.k.a. drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste."
FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you. BEST FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out!
FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world. BEST FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what's wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!
FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours. BEST FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter. BEST FRIENDS: Will re-post this crap!
The Stupidest Things On Products
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits." (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Wow. That's really helpful)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly". (Aw, that's the whole purpose of buying the costume!)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals". (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: "Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food!?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion).
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (That's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos!: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (the shoplifter special?)
On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children.” (I should fucking hope so!)
Boeing 757: "Fragile. Do not drop."(That means you, Hulk! Put that fucking airplane down, you might drop it!)
Scoop-able cat litter: "Safe to use around pets." (Again, I should fucking hope so!)
Baby oil: "Keep out reach of children." (Good thing babies aren't children, isn't it!)
Hair coloring: "Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yeah. My grandmother died because she thought my hair dye was ice-cream topping and put it in a sundae)
Komatsu Floodlight: "This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark." (OMG!! That's as amazing as a newsreader reading the news!)
Earplugs: "These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)
RCA television remote control:"Not dishwasher safe." (Did someone do this once...?)
Road sign: "Caution: water on road during rain." (No. Duh. Sherlock.)
The Situation in Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."