Hello everyone! You can call me Lia since I have absolutely no intention of telling you my real name. Now, just to warn you, I am insane and female so please don't be alarmed if I go and do something crazy.
To everyone on this site protesting abortion:
My grandmother likes to tell me stories about what life was like when she was still raising her kids on the farm. One of them absolutely horrified me. You see, my grandmother used to be a veterinary assistant for a small town vet named Dennis. Dennis was apparently a really nice guy, even selling my grandmother inject-able medicines for her numerous animals so she could do it herself and not have to bring them into the clinic. What horrified me, however, was the story about one owner bringing their animal in to be spayed. Now, getting your dog or cat spayed is usually something I would support, except, the owner had only brought the animal in because it was already pregnant. Dennis spayed the animal which killed all the unborn babies and, essentially, performed the equivalent of an abortion on an animal. He did this procedure on multiple occasions. To my knowledge, veterinarians will still spay pregnant female animals to this day.
So, here is the question I ask you: If it's okay to do this to an animal, who cannot fight the instinct to breed, why is it wrong to perform an abortion for a human?
I love the following shows/movies/manga/books/anime:
Witch Hunter Robin
Yu Yu Hakusho
Black Stallion series
Full Metal Alchemist
Vampire Hunter D
Terry Goodkinds Sword of Truth series
Sonic The Hedgehog
Things I hate:
South Park (it's really stupid to me)
Simpsons (Stupid series, not even remotely funny)
Harry Potter (I really do hate it, it's just so pathetic and cliche but crossovers and things that turn the HP world on its head are alright)
Really slow and/or sappy music
Most Yaoi/Yuri fics when I don't think the charactes are like that (I do make exceptions though)
Fanfics that have more then one or two at most shows/manga/games/movies crossed over
Too many OC's playing major roles in a fic (I don't know why but I can't stand that)
Seemingly unrealistically powerful characters, main or otherwise
Quotes and Excerpts!
“So you want a fierce beast?” asked Bakura. He smirks. “They don’t call him the Man Eater Bug for nothing.”
“M-Man Eater Bug?” asked Ron, paling.
“Yes. Want to see?” Bakura knelt near the Bug again and pointed to Malfoy. “Sick him.” The Bug growled and leapt at Malfoy, its rows of sharp teeth glistening with saliva. Malfoy screamed and ran, hurling curse after curse at the creature, but they all bounced off its armor. The Bug leapt at Malfoy and bit his arse, tearing off a bit of the robes and pants fabric beneath revealing green and white striped underwear.
Malik never laughed harder in his life. – Hogwarts Meets the Shadow Realm, Computerfreak101
(shakes head) I’m about to give Bakura a bat and two demon balls and then put him on a field with Yami. Ra help me. (shakes head and continues typing) – Hogwarts Meets the Shadow Realm, Computerfreak101
“No…no Isis, not the pink underwear…” he mumbled as Bakura sweat dropped. He shook his friend harder.
“Fluffy bunnies of Ra!” yelled Malik as his eyes shot open. Bakura hastily covered his mouth and waited with bated breath. When no one woke up he whispered,
“Get dressed and meet me downstairs. And for Set’s sake, be quiet!” Malik nodded and Bakura slipped out of the room. Five minutes later, Malik joined him in the common room. - Hogwarts Meets the Shadow Realm, Computerfreak101
“We have to run through the barrier between these two platforms,” Seto explained.
“Why don’t we have Malik go first to make sure it’s safe,” Bakura suggested.
Seto and Yami agreed. Malik caught up, panting.
“Thanks for stopping guys,” he snapped between gasps for air. The other three just ignored him and began pushing him toward the barrier. “Um guys? What are you doing?”
“Using you as a test subject,” Yugi said.
Malik looked nervous.
“We need you to run into that brick wall,” Seto said.
“You WHAT,” Malik exclaimed, however, the other three took advantage of his moment of surprise and pushed him toward the wall, screaming.
“Look, he disappeared,” Bakura said. “I guess that means it’s safe for us.”
Nodding, Seto went next, followed by Bakura then Yami. – Yami no Kokoro, Ice-Spirit Phoenix
Off to another disaster with the items, no doubt, Malik thought, looking dubiously at the storm outside. Ah well…one can always hope. – Yami no Kokoro, Ice-Spirit Phoenix
Seto caught the paper and glanced at the front cover and suppressed a twitch. He would have to show this to the schizo trio later. - Yami no Kokoro, Ice-Spirit Phoenix
"ARGH!!" Ryou shot up off his bed. "What was…" Ryou's face grew darker and his hair became spikier. "What the fricken hell was that for?" Bakura snarled. "Are you trying to wake me up or give me pneumonia?"
"I'm still thinking about that." Kaiba said with a snarl that matched Yami Bakura's.
Bakura scowled and went back into his Soul Room muttering incoherent swearwords. Once he was gone, Ryou blinked and then looked at Kaiba. "Please don't do that again."
Kaiba said nothing and shrugged. – Colliding Footsteps, Essenity
Voldemort sat down and scowled. “ARGH! Why do I always, always get the idiotic nut heads?” Voldemort clenched his fists. “People like him can turn a straight man gay!!” - Colliding Footsteps, Essenity
Some say love, it is a river; that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor; that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it a hunger, an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower and you; it’s only seed.
It’s the heart, afraid of breaking. That never learns to dance.
It’s the dream afraid of waking. That never takes the chance.
It’s the one who won’t be taken. Who cannot seem to give.
And the soul, afraid of dying. That never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long.
That you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow.
Lays the seed that with the sun’s love in the spring becomes the rose. – Bette Midler, The Rose, Always Doesn’t Last Forever, Silver Destiny
Kagome kicked the box gently off the bed and slid under her covers. “What will Yuka and the others think? I’ll probably almost never see them again!”
Kagome sat up and arched an eyebrow. “Is that a good thing?” – Challenge, Shel The InuYasha Stalker
“Neh.” InuYasha sneered at her. Sango shook her head, a mocking grin spreading across her lips. “Aww, where’s your sense of humor?”
Moving the skull mouth up and down like a puppet, InuYasha answered flatly, “E-bay.” - Challenge, Shel The InuYasha Stalker
I nodded although I wasn’t paying attention much. Suddenly I felt naked. I took one look at the blank stares headed my way and I felt like a little kid who was caught with his hand in a cookie jar before dinner. ‘I DIDN’T DO IT MOMMY! HONEST!’ Did I just say that out loud? Oops... I guess I did by the look on their faces.
“WHAT?!” I snapped. “It’s not my fault you decided to put the cookie jar in a place where I can reach it!” The confusion on their faces was priceless! Absolutely priceless! – Of Elves and Demon Mikos, Darkness carrier
Now there was nothing fun let to do really... Bored! So bored! Then... an idea sprang into mind.
I poked Legolas in the back seeing as he was the closet to me. When he asked “What?” I began my game, and their torture...
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“Are we there yet?”
“No.” Short and clear... I should get the message but where’s the fun in that?
“Oh... okay.” Then I opened my mouth again “Are we there yet?”
“Okay...” I counted to five in my mind then... “Are we there yet?”
Legolas turned around furiously and met me face to face. “For the last time... NO!” I fell silent. So it took around one hour to make him snap. Lets see how long before he snaps again.
“So... where are we heading?” It’s an innocent question! “To visit the palace.” Was the short reply I got from Legolas.
“Oooooo... a palace?”
“Where is the palace?” This is one of my favorite games.
“In the Elven lands.”
“Where are the Elven lands?”
“In Middle Earth.”
“Oh... where is Middle Earth?”
“In the universe.”
“Where is the universe?”
“In God’s hands.”
“Oh... where is God?”
“SHUT UP!” O_o... he’s scary when he yells. I fell silent for a second time then... “Are we there yet?” – Of Elves and Demon Mikos, Darkness Carrier
Naruto looked at his copy as if he had grown another head. “Are you on opium? There is not a snowball’s chance in hell that all of them could love me.”
Satan frowned. For some reason, he had been hit with a snowball. Not only that, but his rivers and lakes of fire were beginning to freeze up. He burst into tears as one of his devils made a snowman. – Naruto: More then Skin Deep, soulthief2
“They’ll be fine, Daimaru. You forgot to tell them I’ll be traveling with them on the way there, at least.”
Both of the Fourth’s children turned to stare at him. Daimaru sighed.
“When were you planning to tell me?”
“I’m retired, boy. When did I suddenly need to ask permission to take a vacation?”
A vacation? Him?
The Fifth looked at his father with a jaundiced eye. The man hadn’t taken a moment off for more than twenty years, and now he decided to do it as his grandson’s biggest challenge loomed? True, he didn’t need anybody’s permission to go, but for a shinobi supposedly very strong on common sense, the retired Kage was acting pretty flighty.
“Suit yourself,” he muttered. “Just don’t go causing any international incidents.”
“Now where’s the fun in that?” – Set In Stone, The SOC Puppet
"Well can't I start? All I need is for you to sign this, and then I'll have permission to go into the forest past curfew!"
"Why do you want to go into the forest past curfew…?" Was Naruto meeting a girl behind his back?
"I told you already. So I can train!" Oh, of course not…Naruto never got the talk before. Wait, never? Never ever? Never ever ever! Uh oh. - Yarochisai, Narutotachi Goes to Hogwarts!
"Look, Anko," Kurenai said in her no-nonsense voice, "You are a trained kunoichi and you will act like one for the sake if this mission."
"But... it's Snape."
"All you have to do," Kakashi said with a smile, "is get close to him."
"Nooo! I don't wanna get close! I don't want to be in the same room with him! What if he's—what if he's... WHAT IF HE'S CONTAGIOUS?"
"I assure you that you will not catch anything life-threatening from him," Shizune said.
"Ah! She said life-threatening! That means I might catch something else from him."
'You're good with kids. Make her do this!' Kurenai urged to Iruka.
'But...but Gai's good with scaring people into submission...'
'But...um...KAKASHI IS BETTER WITH WOMEN!'
'She does not count as a woman...'
Ibiki sighed. He pulled out something skewered on a thin stick...
"Look, Anko! Dango!" he said in an uncharacteristically bright and cheerful voice. "Look, look, its daaango! Don't you like it? It An-Dango! You liiike it, don’t’cha?" He waved the skewer in front of her like he was hypnotizing her. He moved it faster, and she followed it with her eyes. "You want the dango. You really really like it, right? It's so sweet!"
Everyone sweat dropped and stared at Ibiki. It... it kind of reminded them of a puppy and its master.
"I want it!" Anko cried, reaching out for it. Ibiki pulled it back.
"Nuh-uh-uuuh!" he said, waving a hand in front of her face. "You don’t deserve it yet. Do you promise to be nice to Severus?"
"Yes, I promise with my pride as a Tokubetsu jounin!" she said excitedly.
Ibiki handed her the An-Dango. Anko squealed in delight and ate each down quickly when she realized what she had just sworn to do...
"Aaaah! Noooooo!" she cried, falling onto the floor, clutching her head and hitting the ground in a temper tantrum.
In the end, they all decided: Ibiki's good with animals. - Yarochisai, Narutotachi Goes to Hogwarts!
"THE FLAME OF YOUR YOUTH SHOWS IN YOUR SPARRING!"
Oh...shit. Gai held all three of them by the back of the shirt in one hand.
"Prepare yourself," Shino said, the first words he had spoken that morning.
Neji, Sasuke, and Kankurou all turned to Gai, prepared to go down fighting when...
A brilliant flash of light shined throughout the room, and everyone fell over from the mere force of it. Was it a spell? No... it was... the teeth of Maito Gai.
The shinobi who were fighting just moments before were on the ground, clutching their eyes in pain.
"Children," Dumbledore said, a twinkle in his eyes, "I do suggest you all visit the infirmary, so Madam Pomfrey may tend to the wounds you received in your fight."
The wounds from the fight? The wounds from the fight?-! The bruises and cuts they gave each other were nothing! It was that Maito Gai and his crazy teeth that did this to them! - Yarochisai, Narutotachi Goes to Hogwarts!
Mama laughed into her hand. “Seems Inuyasha really didn’t want to go the vet, did he?”
“Would you, lady?” the half-demon inquired sulkily from his perch on the backseat. “Well, you don’t have those fears I do…like this is actually some ploy to ‘control my aggressive nature’…” he huffed as he laid down, placing his furry noggin on his paws, eyes in deep gold trepidation before they shifted to a hue of affirmation. “I still say that mailman had it coming….” – On a Leash, Moonlight Shadow4
“That is a nice collar, Inuyasha. But, perhaps you’ll have it removed sometime soon….”
Eyes widening, Inuyasha whirled his head around to gawk at the old woman, but all he saw was the examination room door swinging shut after him. At first, he raised a paw to push it open, when he caught sight of something a tad more appealing at that point in time. A smirk spreading across his muzzle, the long leash not being attended to by Kagome, who was still in her own little world of perplexity, Inuyasha got a running start before leaping on the unsuspecting Kouga seated a few chairs away.
Kagome felt the lead suddenly go taut. Coupled not long after was a loud string of expletives coming from a certain dark haired wolf-demon. Spinning on her heel, she yelled, as her gaze fell upon the sight, “No, Inuyasha! Stop that!”On a Leash, Moonlight Shadow4
She was right about my feelings too… She knows a lot for being pretty young…. Spreading her arms out once more, like an eagle about to take flight, Kagome inquired, “Hey, Mia?”
“Yeah, kiddo?” her voice floated up from somewhere by her feet accompanied by a few soft tugs on the skirt.
“Does your husband have dog ears?”
“Blond ones. But his father taught him a special trick to disguising them, so he looks human most of the time. Why, I don’t know.”
Kagome smiled. “I like Inuyasha’s ears.”
“Me too,” agreed Mia with a wistful sigh. “Now if only I could get my idiot husband to keep his like that all the time.”
“Why doesn’t he?”
“He says that it’s too easy to get junk in them…and,” she added guiltily,” that I play with them all the time.”
Kagome laughed. “It’s all about the ears, isn’t it?”
“Don’t be naïve, Kagome,” playfully chided Mia. “Of course it’s about the ears.”On a Leash, Moonlight Shadow4
“At least there is some productive change going on,” Miroku sighed for the hundredth time. He plopped into a chair. “I think I’m going to need therapy after all this is said and done.”
“What’ll ya need therapy for?” inquired Inuyasha as he popped an entire petit fore into his mouth.
“So I won’t end up killing you to make myself feel better...”
“Oh, yes, I almost forgot!” Mia took a few steps into the room before leaning up against the wall. “Sesshoumaru saw how...downhill your little training session was going.”
Miroku visibly paled. “O-oh?” He managed a weak smile. There went any big, fat bonuses he was going to get...
“I don’t think he’s angry though. I think he found it rather humorous.” She smiled at Miroku’s murderous gaze. “In any case, he had me find another person who would be...suitable to teach someone as...ah...politely challenged as Inuyasha.”
Inuyasha snorted loudly, causing everyone to look at him. “And who exactly did you and Sesshoumaru employ?”
Mia smiled saccharinely sweet—Inuyasha swallowed; this couldn’t be good. “Someone as equally stubborn as you. My husband.”
Inuyasha sat dumbfounded for a moment before uttering one choked word: “Fuck.”On a Leash, Moonlight Shadow4
ANBU- Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai or Assassination Tactics Special Squad
“Wow Ayame-chan. This new recipe is great. Your ramen is almost better than your old mans.”
And just like that, the tension that had clogged the air, the violence that was only a few seconds away from commencing shattered when all four girls turned to look at the grinning Naruto and blushing, but slightly frightened Ayame.
Just now noticing the eerie quiet, Naruto turned and looked around. “What?”
Naruto may rip into the perverted Jiraiya a lot of the time, and for good reason, but when the four females surrounding him suddenly started grinding their teeth, battle aura’s glowing in various frightening colors, he had no choice but to rely on one of his sensei’s age old tactics.
Make someone else the scapegoat and get the hell out.
Women hated perverts, it was hard wired in their DNA. That’s why Kakashi provided the perfect cover for him to get out this situation. “Look, there’s goes Kakashi reading that perverted book again. Oh my God, there are kids in sight.”
Everyone looked at the silver haired shinobi who was, to his impeding detriment, actually walking past a group of children with his all too familiar orange book in hand. Feeling the heating gazes, he looked up to see a group of angry females glaring daggers at him.
They were taking measured steps toward Kakashi, the malice in their eyes easy to see, and the promise of pain all too apparent. Naruto, in a stealthy move, drop his payment and a sizeable tip for Ayame, gave, a small wave, a beat a hasty retreat.
‘Serves the pervert right. I told him those books were going to get him killed,’ Naruto thought as he raced toward safer grounds. – Trouble With A Capital T, Gmusick
Naruto sighed in relief, ’Whew! And I thought I’d have to spend all my time learning crazy stances and hard as hell slashes and maneuvers. This is easy!’
“So, I want you to do a thousand down slashes, a thousand upwards slashes, a thousand slashes to the right, a thousand slashes to the left. After that, a thousand slashes diagonally from left to right, and a thousand diagonally from right to left. Then, switch hands and repeat,” Itachi paused, “…Since we’re pressed for time. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. No chakra.”
Naruto gulped and whimpered, ’He’s a sadist!’
‘I Like him!’ Kyuubi exclaimed, ‘Now continue, kit. I will train you soon, and I will not start until you finish his training and complete that exam.’ - Konoha’s Demon Fox, GothicGohan-again
"Procrastinators of the world unite...tomorrow."
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Humor is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
"Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected."
"I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: 'No good in bed, but fine up against a wall'." --Eleanor Roosevelt
"You can't fuck around with the infinite." -Anonymous
"Razors pain you, rivers are damp. Acid stains you, and drugs cause cramps. Guns aren't lawful, nooses give, gas smells awful--you might as well live." -Dorothy Parker
"I never want to see a naked guy again. (Huge horde of naked guys suddenly run by) O.O"--Mulan, from the movie...well...Mulan
"Whoever said 'Nothing is impossible' never tried slamming a revolving door."
"It takes 42 muscles to frown, so instead pick your middle finger up and say bite me in a bitchy tone."
"'Always' and 'never' are two words you should always remember never to use."
"Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes." -Anonymous
"There are three kinds of people in this world: The ones who can count, and the ones who can't."
"Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested the lobby be used for this purpose." -Zurich Hotel
"Special cocktails for ladies with nuts." -Tokyo bar
"Would you like to ride on your own ass?" -Ad for donkey rides in Thailand
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." -Roman laundry
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid." -Japanese hotel
"To stop the drip, turn cock to right." -Finnish washroom faucet
Weird Questions No One Has the Answers To
Are children who act in R rated films allowed to see them?
If the SWAT team breaks down your door, do they have to replace it later?
What idiot put an 's' in the word 'lisp'?
What do you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If you're in a vehicle going at the speed of light, what happens if you turn on the headlights?
Can you breathe out your nose and your mouth at the same time?
Who was the first person to say, 'See that cow there? I'm gonna squeeze those dangly things and drink whatever comes out.'?
Is 'Cute as a button' supposed to be a compliment? Since when were buttons cute?
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt'?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped spot but not illegal go on a handicapped toilet?
Have you every noticed that if you rearrange the letters in mother-in-law, it will come out as 'Woman Hitler'?
What happens if your snot freezes inside your nose?
Sasuke shook his head and tuned out the rest of the screams, bantering and cries of pain and frustration. ‘Were in the middle of a battle and those two are acting like fifteen year olds.’ He caught sight of reddish hair from the corner of his eye he looked and saw Yuki fighting off two ninjas.
‘WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING HERE?’ He mentally yelled before moving in to help her.
Yuki slashed one opponent with her claw cutting his chest open. The man clutched his chest but didn’t die Yuki blocked her other opponent’s kunai with her nodaichi. She took her claw and stabbed him repeatedly in the stomach. The last man, who was only recovering from the pain in his chest right now, She grabbed his head and brought it down on her knee and then did an uppercut with her claw stabbing him in the face killing him.
She sighed and was going to move to the next fight until Sasuke appeared in front of her with a very pissed off look on his face. Yuki jumped a little and gave a small squeak in surprise. She looked at Sasuke who had a look that clearly said ‘Explain’. She started scratching the back of her head sheepishly “H-Hey Sasuke.” She said laughing nervously.
Sasuke glared at her “I thought I told you to stay in the rear.” Yuki glared at him “I can take care of myself.” Sasuke growled and charged a chidori in his hands and charged at her. Her eyes grew wide with fear but Sasuke moved right past her and killed a jounin that was sneaking up behind her. “EXCUSE ME! Were having a conversation here” He said taking his hand out of the man’s chest.
He turned back to Yuki and started circling her “Why are you here?” He asked through gritted teeth, Yuki narrowed her eyes and glared at Sasuke “I can take care of myself, thank you very much” She threw a kunai that stabbed itself in another ninjas neck. “No you cant” He shot back grabbing her clawed hand and using it to stab another ninja in the eyes.
The sound shinobi quickly learned not to go anywhere near the bickering couple. – Demons Glory, LD 1449
On the arena floor Naruto was in a daze. Was he hurt from the fall? Not at all. Did Hinata really just kiss him? Yes. Did he have the first clue why? No.
“Is he alive?” Kankuro asked the judge.
“Get up Uzumaki,” said Hayate, “You can worry about your personal life later.”
Naruto got up as ordered but wasn’t really paying much attention to what was going on. He obviously missed the order to start fighting. He didn’t really notice when the freaky puppet had wrapped him up and began squeezing him in the hopes of crushing him only for the strings to snap and the puppet break. He didn’t even notice when he got a ton of poison sprayed in his face nor did he really care. It didn’t even register that Kyubi’s chakra flowing through him to keep him alive while the fur-ball yelled at him. His mind was still back on the fact that Hinata had kissed him. Him of all the people she could have chosen to kiss that were better looking, smarter, funnier, wealthier, and more popular, she chose to kiss him.
Finally Kankuro just collapsed of Chakra exhaustion and passed out after trying everything he could think of to kill Naruto. He stabbed him several times only to pull out the blade and see the wound closed up just as fast as the blade came out. It didn’t even matter if he twisted the blade. The look on Kankuro’s face as he tried everything he could think of was priceless. It was even funnier when Kankuro kicked him in the groin only to feel like he’d kicked a solid rock and limped away after. (Unknown to him Kyubi said, “We need that you bastard.”) To the majority of the Jounin and Chuunin present, that knew about the Kyubi vessel, had a difficult time holding in their laughter. – Broken Soul, Maxfic
“It sounds a fine idea to me,” Harcourt said. “I quite like it myself. I have not been to a concert except once when I was sixteen; I had to put on skirts for it, and after only half an hour a dreadful fellow sat next to me and whispered impolite remarks in my ear until I poured a pot of coffee into his lap. It quite spoiled my pleasure, even though he went away straight after.”
“Christ above, Harcourt, if I ever have reason to offend you, I’ll make damned sure you have nothing hot at hand.” Berkly said; while Laurence struggled between nearly portions of dismay: at her having been subjected to such insult and at her means of repulsion. – His Majesty’s Dragon, Naomi Novik
It was the first new century
In 100 years
And when I felt like I should cry
I laughed away my tears
The end of a millennium
We waited a long long time
To see the brave new world
And the mountains we would climb
The things I try to comprehend
As a child remained a mystery
There's nothing I need to defend
There's nothing great about me
All that I'll ever believe
Is the pounding of my heart
No it doesn't answer questions
That's just the way it goes
All I will ever have faith in
Is the beating in my chest
It won't predict tomorrow
Or give me eternal rest – Case Closed opening theme
Eventually Sandaime shooed off both teams, and convinced the two unGai-like members of team Gai that there was no need to commit ritual suicide. And before their client could descent into further depths of Gai-induced trauma, Kakashi went down to the serious business of learning all the details. – A Different Perspective, Book of Changes
Fuck me sideways, Kakashi thought dazedly, my student is the boss of a mafia’s kiddie division. - A Different Perspective, Book of Changes
They hugged— a bit too affectionately for Kakashi’s surprisingly conservative mind. Said surprisingly conservative mind blanked out when Naruto and Juumonji started nuzzling each other’s faces, before they kissed each other’s either cheek. They’re acting like a pair of gay puppies! Kakashi’s brain screamed before it passed out.
Kakashi came around just in time to see Gai do the back-staggering with crashing-waves backdrop only he was capable of doing. Kakashi was almost afraid to see what caused it, but horrified fascination turned his glance to the probable causers. Then he stared, bug-eyed, as Lee did the hug-nuzzle-kiss thing with Juumonji.
Naruto introduced Lee to the entire gang, down to the last bloody brat. And for every introduction, the kids did the damn hug-nuzzle-kiss thing to each other. Kakashi was aware he could have just looked away, but his glance was totally hijacked from his control. Fuck it all to hell, Kakashi was going to have to tell Iruka about this— for therapy. Iruka studied psychology; he probably knew how to do it. And speaking of therapy, Gai was probably going to need it too. But Gai’s therapist might institutionalize him/herself afterwards, so it might not be a good idea…
“Oh my eyes,” said Gai, “I’ve never seen such a beautiful display of friendship and affection!”
…Right. He’d forgotten Gai didn’t think like normal people.
“I also came to an important realization,” Gai went on. “For a long time I have wondered why Lee craved my embraces. Now I know why! He must have been deprived of it ever since he came to Konoha! What is more, he had no one who understood his need! Ah, if only I’ve have known!”
…Once again, Gai surprised Kakashi with his perception. If you ignored the abuse of exclamation marks and Caps Lock, his words rang very true; compared to the citizens to Konoha, who had personal space bubbles no one even bothered to breach, the residences of Niiminjin City were an awfully cuddly bunch.
“BUT NO MORE!” Gai roared, lighting his surrounding aura aflame. “I SHALL HUG LEE EVERYDAY! IF I DO NOT, I WILL DO THE-THE FACE RUBBING RITUAL THRICE OVER!”
…Now here is an interesting equation: Facing rubbing rituals Lee Gai equals scarring mental images.
Kakashi’s mind blanked out again before he could quietly go insane. – A Different Perspective, Book of Changes
“Sakura-san, I wasn’t able to say this during the mission, but! Please accept this! My Heart!”
Then Lee blew a kiss at Sakura’s direction.
That’s fucking IT, Kakashi inwardly snarled, as Sakura’s scream rattled the structures of Konoha from one end to another. I can’t take it anymore. I need therapy. NOW. – A Different Perspective, Book of Changes
“S-s-sorry,” Iruka managed to choke out. “It’s just …the picture… Vivian…” He started laughing again.
“What about Vivian in this picture?” Sasuke frowned at the photograph. “Who is she chasing?”
“Jiraiya, of the Legendary Three,” Kakashi said, snickering.
“So Vivian once chased after Jiraiya,” said Sasuke, confused and irritated. “What’s so funny about that?”
“Well Jiraiya-sama, he… he—”
“—used to hit on Vivian!” Iruka burst out. “But no matter how many times she turned him down, he kept on coming back! So one day she bought an X-rated homoerotica novel and… and…” Iruka was losing it again. “… and chased him all around the village reading it out loud!”
Sasuke’s jaw dropped, and he remained so frozen. Kakashi, on the other hand, burst into another fit of uncontrollable sniggering as he remembered the day when Vivian finally had enough of Jiraiya’s horrible pickup lines and came to him, and started reading gay porn on the top of her lungs.
“I never saw him run away from a woman that fast!” Kakashi laughed.
“And that wasn’t all,” Iruka added with tears in his eyes. “All the other ladies Jiraiya went after gathered together…”
“And came out to the streets…”
“…to cheer her on…”
“…And read more gay porn!”
Then they went right back laughing. - A Different Perspective, Book of Changes
Miroku: I will not deny being a lecher, but how dare you call me a fake!
Sango: WHAT! – InuYasha, Eternal Love, the Naginata of KenKon
All thoughts were cut off as huge billows of green smoke filled the hall. The first years and second years stared in shock along with the rest of the hall at the billows of colored smoke that was coming from the area in front of the door.
In horror, the trio (and the rest of Hogwarts) stared at the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher and the newcomer in green spandex as they posed in a Power-Ranger pose, with some sort of magic making the light shine off their teeth and sparkle around them disturbingly.
Silence, and then the audible sound of Ron’s pumpkin juice spurting out of his nose.
“DUAL,” The Defense against the Dark Arts teacher said, seemingly deadly serious.
“DYNAMIC,” Maito Gai seemed equally serious; his teeth sparkling in the light as he gave them a thumbs-up before the two jumped up, and performed a complex flip and freezing in midair with in a kicking pose. Time seemed to slow down as the two aimed for the central parts of the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables. Gai went for Slytherin and Kakashi aimed for Gryffindor.
“ENTRY!” Their feet, unfortunately, collided with the huge bowl of Yorkshire pudding at the end of the tables, sending both ninjas skidding, screaming all the way as if they were in uncontrollable Go-carts, great amounts of flying desserts splattering the entire staff with food as well as several students.
There was a moment of silence before the first years screamed out a war cry and began throwing food at each other. The second years joined in, throwing food at any human being within range.
After being splattered by pudding and unmentionables, the higher years gave up and joined in the riot that resulted in a screaming messy Great Hall and every single student and teacher being covered in multicolored globs of goo. Somehow, in the food fight, the guards had emerged untouched. The two ninjas who had started it all finally managed to come to a skidding stop at the foot of the Staff table in front of them all. Dumbledore was clearly smiling, blue eyes twinkling as he balanced a whole bowl of pudding that had somehow landed on his pointed wizard’s hat. McGonagall looked as if she was sucking a sour lemon from behind a mask of chocolate syrup from a nearby cake that covered Professor Flitwick’s face like a brown mask of goo.
Professor Snape would’ve looked menacing, if not for the fact that he had been hit head on with a giant banana split and was currently all colors of the rainbow, with bananas sticking out from odd places on his robes. – Abyssus, ANBUHound
Looking at Snape’s enraged face actually made Kakashi feel good. He snickered silently in his mind as Gai held out a suit of black spandex…with a little silver s-shaped creature on both the back and the front. It seemed to be a mockery of the Slytherin crest.
“Sa! Look! I have brought you a present worthy of one empowered of the Flames of Youth! Come, put it on, that we may begin your glorious conversion from your Winter of Discontent to the Springtime of Youth!” Gai waved the spandex in Snape’s general direction for added effect.
The black spandex was actually Kakashi’s suggestion, and he was quite proud of it, thank-you-very-much.
Severus turned several colors in rapid succession, mostly shades of green, white, red, and puce as he choked on words that he could not seem to express.
Gai was incredibly happy. His plan had WORKED! His new friend clearly liked the gift as he was blushing with happiness, and was lost for words.
In that moment, Snape could see his life flash before his eyes, with the horrible image of the black abomination.
How DARE this freak of nature corrupt the Slytherin Crest!
…Was that an EARTHWORM!
WHY… THAT….FIEND! – Abyssus, ANBUHound
“You have no name,
You have no feelings,
You have no past,
You have no future
What you have is your mission,
That which supports the great tree of Konoha, unseen from within the ground,
Is our organization called ‘ANBU’.” – Abyssus, ANBUHound
“You were dieting? I was only joking! I heard your stomach grumble and growl.” Naruto said as he laughed out loud. He handed the lunch over to Sakura and reached for his kunai bag, taking out what appeared to be ball of rice covered in dried salted sea weed.
“But sensei said” Sakura begun again only to be interrupted once more.
“Don’t worry, I don’t sense him right now. If you’re too hungry to help, we’d be the once to suffer.” Sasuke said as he continued to eat.
“Well… I wasn’t thinking of that at all…” Naruto said with his mouth half full. “If you don’t eat up now as a growing girl, it will have side effects. I wouldn’t want you to end up as diminutive flat chest girl with big head. I’d prefer hot chicks with curves in my team.”
Sasuke nearly choked on his food as Sakura’s inner self exploded in anger. But, her outer self just seemed more composed as she planted her foot on Naruto’s face. “White panty… not bad.” Needless to say, stumping Naruto to the ground continued on.
“You guys!” Kakashi screamed as he appeared out of no where. “Disobeying the rules, you must be prepared to pay then.” He said as he performed few seals. Sky started to darken and lightning begun to dance in the horizon. “Anything you have to say for your self?”
“We are three man team.” Sasuke replied as he readied him self for any attack.
“Yeah, three of us are one!” Sakura replied backing Sasuke’s argument.
“I still say I don’t want Sakura chan to end up as diminutive flat chest girl with big head.” Naruto said, with that one sentence, it knocked fear out of everyone present. Sasuke nearly lost his balance, Kakashi was trying his best not to laugh out loud at such random words, and Sakura exploded like a volcano and ended up kicking Naruto in the groin.
Naruto fell to his knees what seemed like fetal position. “Uhgg, I meant we are three person team.”
Kakashi slapped his forehead and burst out laughing. “Three man team heh? You guys all pass.”
“We pass? Why?” Sakura asked.
“Because he is scared that you’d kick him there if he failed you.” Naruto groaned out.
“It’s because you guys are the first. Others up until now were all idiots who did whatever I said.” Kakashi explained ignoring Naruto’s comment. “A ninja must read underneath the underneath, in the ninja world, those that do not follow rule are called trash. But, you know, those that don’t take care of their friends are worse than trash.”
“You guys all passed, team seven will start its mission tomorrow!” Kakashi exclaimed as he gave the trio thumbs up. “Lets go.” He said walking away.
Naruto stood up as if nothing happened and followed Kakashi. “You know, if you guys have spare time let’s go get some ramen, I’m still hungry.” – The legend of Sanada, leeryujin
“I don’t see the problem,” Logan shrugged and pulled out one of his cigars this was one of the only places where he could smoke now these days thanks to May. Or at least when she wasn’t around but in this office she couldn’t use the kids as a shield. He lit the thing and started to take a few puffs. “They’re just kids what’s the harm?”
Suddenly his cigar blew up startling him so much he fell backwards off his chair. May grinned at the large man as everyone else had to admit the comic timing of that was pretty good. “So you still think it’s okay?”
Logan got up with a growl and unleashed his claws going in search of whoever messed with his cigars not even saying a word. “Well either Logan will now scare them all into settling down or we may have to intervene before we lose a couple of students,” Hank said with a chuckle at the image of Logan’s face as it blew.
Xavier nodded his head as he would call the students together…Eventually, at least until Logan was interrogating them for an hour or so. – Return of SpiderX, Agent-G
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Everyone else may love you, but I still think you’re a moron. -
This isn’t a classroom, its hell with fluorescent lighting. -
You know you’re addicted to coffee when:
1) You’re nervous twitches show up on the richter scale.
2) You have to watch movies in fast-forward.
3) You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. –
Karma’s a bitch and so am I, get used to it -
“Lord Kazekage.” Kakashi said, as he bowed at the foot of the stone steps. Gaara motioned him towards the cushions. “I have a request.”
Gaara’s eyebrows raised slightly. “Really?”
“Yes. Honestly, its multi-faceted, but it is a request. I have recently discovered signs among my ninja that Jounin Anxiety is beginning to settle in.”
Gaara’s eyebrows did an about face at that declaration. Although there was a clinical term for the situation, Gaara was not familiar with it. He was familiar, however, with the tendency to turn the excess levels of energy ninja possess onto other tasks. In some cases, it could be harmless, such as Tsuande’s tendency towards gambling, and Jiraiya’s frequent brothel visits. In other cases, such as when it turned to politics or internal affairs, it could become excessively bad. In such cases the results often were coup attempts or clan wars.
“Interestingly enough, it’s showing amongst the chunins from your first visit to Konoha.” Kakashi said, tacitly avoiding bringing up the cause of that first visit. “I was going to request a couple of missions for my people if possible, or some assistance in training them. None of my older ninja have experience in what training forms actually work in the desert.”
Gaara nodded, seeing immediately where Kakashi was going with this. “Baki will be sent to assist you in that department. I will see about some tutors for the younger ninja, so that the academy students can avoid falling too far behind.”
Kakashi nodded in thanks. “We might want to see about getting Naruto to work especially quickly. If he suddenly finds a need to unload excess energy…” A loud ruckus caught the ear of both ninja. Looking out the window, Kakashi shook his head.
“Too late.” He muttered, as Gaara’s jaw very nearly unhinged itself.
For on the internal wall of Suna, half a dozen Naruto clones had just painted a mural. In it, Kakashi stood slouching, book in one hand, while Asuma stood opposite him, idly smoking away. And between them; Gai and Lee having one of their more… interesting moments.
“Baki will be with you before the hour is done.” Gaara managed to find his voice long enough to say that. He had never again wanted to see two grown men doing that in his life. Seeing it in person once was enough. Gaara would have to take his own eyes out with the sand now. – By These Fists, Andivari
The hat made a noise of disgust and set about its task. It began to try to see what he was thinking, but Ryou's mental barriers had been constructed to hold up under Yami Bakura's pressure, and the Hat had much trouble getting even a little past them; it was that also trying to penetrate the yami's as well. However, what it managed to pull out of each mind was not the full picture.
"DUMBLEDORE!" it wailed. "Why did you put twins under here? One of them'll kamikaze for someone he's only known for less than a week, and the other is the reason he does that! Gryffindor for the suicidal one and Slytherin for the one who's more sly than the founder!"
Ryou slowly took off the hat. He looked at Dumbledore, putting on his best clueless expression.
Dumbledore took a moment to recover. He looked hard at the boy. No doubt that he was sneaky, but most teenagers were. Kamikazing suggested Gryffindor. He glanced over to the table of the Lion. Harry seemed slightly concerned, as did his friends, except for Ginny Weasley, the expression she had clearly told Dumbledore that he got along with Gryffindors. He was a muggleborn so it would be doubtful that the Slytherins would feel the same.
"Gryffindor," Dumbledore declared.
Ryou walked to the long table, and sat, trying not to shrink under all the attention.
"Ishtal, Malik," McGonagall called.
Malik strode to the stool, picked up the discarded hat, and put it on.
"DUMBLEDOOORE!" it yelled. "Not twins again!"
It had gained some experience with Ryou’s barrier so Malik wasn't too much of a problem. Except for the fact it was again sorting through two minds at once.
"YOU'RE OFF YOUR ROKCER!" it screeched. "One of them is insane! And the oth--"
McGonagall had enough of the hat. It was absolutely not going to be productive. "Gryffindor," she judged. He was rather a nice boy from what she remembered of the day at Diagon Alley. "Mutou, Yugi," she said, and beckoned him over to put on the hat.
Yugi was nervous of what the hat would say, and made no try at disguising it, but he came anyway. He put on the hat.
"ALBUS GEFFORY DUMBLEDORE! WHY IS IT THAT YOU THINK TWINS SHOULD BE SORTED TOGETHR NOW?! NOT SO DIFFENT AS THE OTHER TWO, GRYFFINDOR, BUT YOU HAD DAMN--"
McGonagall took the Hat off of Yugi's head and used a Silencing Charm on it. She pointed to Gryffindor.
Yugi nodded and took a seat beside Malik.
Dumbledore stood. "Welcome to Hogwarts. This years Sorting has been more eventful than most--"
"YEAH," a student in Ravenclaw shouted, "THE HAT'S OFF ITS ROCKER!"
"Which could be partly do to it's suspected reading of romance novels," Dumbledore continued.
People snickered a little at that.
“I have little to say now, expect for 'tae'.”
Food appeared on the tables. – Wizards of the Millennia, Stella Wind
Malik wasn't any better off in Herbology. Malfoy volunteered to be his partner, so he knew something was up, but Professor Sprout had them already down as partners before Malik could protest. Today, they were pruning Snapdragons. Sprout had instructed Malfoy to be sure to help Malik, as he was new, while she went to get more potting soil. Malfoy conveniently forgot to mention that Snapdragons don't like being pruned and show their dislike with a nasty bite. Plus, he had "forgotten" to remind Malik to wear his dragon hide gloves. The only thing that saved Malik from potentially losing a finger was a quick movement that left the Snapdragon biting the armband around his wrist rather than his hand. He was unharmed but his robes were slightly torn where the Snapdragon had caught them. Malik was not happy. He then "forgot" to tell Malfoy that he had placed the ferocious plant on the boy's chair when Malfoy wasn't looking. Malfoy was not happy. - The New Students,White Angel Chan
"S'okay, Yugi," Malik said. "There's no point in talking to Malfoy. He doesn't know good advice when he hears it." Malfoy answered that by stomping at Malik's dragon, which was stilled leashed at Malik's feet. The creature was startled and ran, but it had nowhere to run except around Malik, who had no time to react. The leash wound round his legs, he lost his balance and fell, luckily avoiding landing on the dragon. Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and the rest of his followers among the Slytherins laughed. Hagrid ran over to straighten things out. But with them focused on Malik, no one noticed Ryou, who was standing beside Malfoy's crate, his eyes narrowed and a smirk evident on his face. Yugi alone saw this, but it was too late to do anything. Yami Bakura was in control.
Yami Bakura placed his foot on Malfoy's crate and slowly tipped it over. The miniature dragon streaked out, un-muzzled and un-leashed, right at Malfoy and goons. It hissed its attack. Malfoy saw the dragon racing toward him and his eyes went wide. He turned and ran, Crabbe and Goyle right behind him. The Gryffindors laughed hysterically to see Malfoy and his cronies being chased around by the cat-sized dragon.
"No! Don't run!" Hagrid yelled. "It'll just chase you!"
"And if I stick around it'll just bite me!" Malfoy called back angrily.
"No, no! Don't run towards the woods! Run this way! I'll catch it!"
They did as they were told. They ran past Hagrid, and the giant nimbly grabbed the pygmy and tried to calm it.
"I tol' yeh not to make it mad," Hagrid scolded. "Yeh got it all worked up!"
"Well, excuse me if the vicious dragon is upset!" Malfoy panted. He turned angrily to see what had allowed the dragon's escape. Yami Bakura still had his foot resting on the crate, as if daring Malfoy to accuse him. Malfoy wasn't intimidated and marched right over while Hagrid struggled to relax his dragon. "You!" he said, pointing a finger at Yami Bakura. "You did this!"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You knocked the crate over!"
"No, I don't believe so. Malik, do you know anything about a crate being knocked over?"
Malik smirked, holding the untangled leash and shaking his head. "Nope. Don't know anything about it."
"I know you did it!" Malfoy said, shaking with rage.
"Prove it." Yami Bakura said simply.
Malfoy growled in anger. "You two will pay for this humiliation. I swear to it!"
"Bring it on anytime, Malfoy," Malik said. "Anytime..." - The New Students,White Angel Chan
"Oh, that can't be a good thing," Malik muttered. "Looks like the duel's going to be called on account of creepy constellation."
"Dammit, why does something always have to go wrong during my duels!" Yami Bakura yelled. "Where in the rulebook does it say that I can't ever win!"
"Right next to where it says I can't ever lose," Yami replied with a slight smirk.
They joked for the time being. None of the new students had any idea of the true seriousness of the situation. - The New Students,White Angel Chan
“Shadow games have a funny way of affecting people,” Yami Bakura said, smiling smartly. “Nobody ever REALLY forgets them. I once turned Ryou’s gym teacher into a lead figurine because he was disrespectful towards my host. He was later released and had no memories of his time as a game piece, but he never once bothered Ryou again. He knew not to mess with him. It’s like the instinct is burned into them. They know without knowing. Confused yet?”
“Greatly,” Malik said, blinking. “But I think I kinda get it. So Malfoy-“
“Will never bother Ryou or me again,” Yami Bakura said, the satisfied grin having returned.
“Brilliant!” Malik said approvingly. He placed his arms behind his head as they walked and grinned thoughtfully. “I wonder if we can get around the teachers and have another little game. That really was excellent work. I’d love to see just how creative you could be. What do you think you can do with that wizard’s chess game? Somehow, I can imagine a little Malfoy pawn and-“
Malik was dumbstruck in mid-sentence. The other Gryffindors were just behind them, Yami angrily tapping his foot and staring him down with narrowed eyes. Malik’s mouth hung open slightly as he fought to find his voice.
“Ah…and…and I know that’s what you would do Bakura, but I forbid it! You’re little childish games have already caused enough trouble and Yami and I can’t be there to watch you all the time. You simply must learn to control yourself and…and show a little restraint and maturity. There! Now…now don’t do anything like that ever again!”
Yami Bakura cocked an eyebrow as he watched Malik struggle, barely holding back a laugh. “Give it up, Malik,” Yami Bakura advised once the blonde had run out of things to say.
Malik did indeed give in, realizing he was caught. He stared down at his feet and avoided Yami’s gaze.
“I should have known you would just encourage him, Malik,” Yami said. “Honestly, you’re no better than he is!”
Of course, thought he would never say it, the truth was Yami had been toying with the idea of a wizard’s chess shadow game for weeks… But nobody needed to know that. - The New Students,White Angel Chan
I’ve lost myself. I’ve gone to find myself. If I return before I get back, please tell me to wait there! P.S. I haven’t lost my mind. It’s backed up on a floppy
Chocolate, coffee, men, some things are just better off rich. –
If you’re going to do something wrong, have fun doing it. –
Seras looked up to see three people. Two snacks… I mean werewolves and a female vampire…
Seras thought, “I’ve seen the woman before…. Yes, it was at the toy store. She was a blond haired doll with a shape to die for. A doll that all girls wanted and the doll just delivered herself to me.”
As the new enemies open fire at Seras, she dived to one side and looked straight at Cassandra with crazed eyes
Seras said, “Barbie.” – Seras 2066, GreenOnion
Kakashi frowned, ‘Tiger, Snake, Dragon, Dog’; he slammed his hands into the ground.
“Doton: Tsuiga no jutsu!”
Gato was about to move when suddenly the ground beneath him erupted and eight dogs latched themselves onto him, effectively holding him and, from the size of the bulldog, crippling his shoulder, but this was no-where near as painful as the pug that had latched onto his crotch; he screamed.
Kakashi sweatdropped, ‘I hope Pakkun didn’t intend to do that’ the jounin thought, as Zabuza winced. The copy-nin readied himself for another jutsu. – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
“I really like that kid.” Zabuza chuckled, “by the way, do you mind if we stop by a bookstore before we go to the Hokage’s?”
When Kakashi looked at him, he explained, “I left my copy of Icha-Icha Paradise behind in Kirigakure, and I haven’t read the book since Kami-knows when.”
Kakashi’s eye widened at the thought, ‘No-one should have to go through such trauma!’
“Let’s pick up the pace people! We need to get back to Konoha as soon as possible!” – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
Haku was accepted into the ranks of genin with little problems, and was happily placed under the tutelage of the Konoha medical corps, Zabuza actually found a hobby in the form of finding creative new ways of scaring away would-be suitors. – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
‘I don’t believe this…’ Naruto thought, as the image of Gai and Lee hugging was seared into his brain.
‘Why in the name of all that’s holy would they allow that…THING to reproduce?!’ He mentally screeched, staring at the two.
Their scents aren’t compatible, kit, they aren’t related.
Naruto shivered, No offense Oni-san, but I think the seals are starting to affect your senses… - Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
Kiba sneered, “Looks like the gangs all here.”
Naruto smirked in reply, “Look Sasuke,” he said, pointing with his thumb, “Its Akamaru and his pet, Kiba.”
He smiled at the puppy, “Are you feeding him well enough Akamaru? His coats lost its sheen.”
He sniffed. “And I think he needs a flea bath.”
Whilst Sasuke chuckled at the blondes joke, Kiba bristled.
“Shut the hell up Uzumaki!” he yelled, lunging forward. “You got some rocks thinking you can insult me and get away with it.”
Naruto stepped back and tripped the teen as he ran past. “Bad dog.”
As the boy stumbled, Naruto swept his feet out from under him. “Sit.”
“Bastard!” Kiba snarled, and went to get up until Naruto sat on his back, his foot holding down Akamaru.
“Play dead.” The Genin muttered, almost bored, his eyes still on the famous ninja book.
Sasuke snorted, “If the shinobi thing doesn’t work out…” he said, eyeing Naruto, “You could always become a professional dog breeder.”
Naruto looked up at the other two members of Kurenai’s cell and nodded, “Shino-san, can’t you manage to keep this guy under control?”
He scratched Kiba behind the ear, to a chorus of swear words that caused Hinata to flush, “Have you tried using a muzzle on him?”
Shino shrugged, and Naruto nodded. “Ah yes, cruelty to animals and all that.” – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
Fortunately, Morino Ibiki decided to interrupt with a… tactful approach.
“SHUT UP YOU LOUSY BASTARDS!”
Naruto smirked at the reference, “That’s us alright, at least you’re direct.” He chirped cheerfully, causing a few of the assembled proctors to smirk.
“A smart-ass huh.” Ibiki said, smirking, “we’ll see how smart you are on the test, get in your seat, I’ll hand the papers out soon.”
Naruto froze, his blood actually freezing, ‘O sweet mother of Shodai Hokage… not a PAPER TEST!’ – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
He cursed again when he saw the exam itself, ‘O cart wheeling kitsunes I’m a goner.’ – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
Naruto groaned and covered his head, feeling like he had the biggest hangover in existence.
“I swear if I open my eyes and find myself in someone’s bed I’m going to butcher the first person I see…and anyone else if I feel like it.”
Shikamaru snorted and moved aside as Choji helped the blonde sit up.
Naruto looked around then frowned at Shikamaru.
“You got lucky.” He muttered, making it clear his previous statement wasn’t a bluff. – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
Naruto grimaced, rubbing his stomach, “I swear, everywhere I go its one freak show after another, now we’ve got a horny transvestite following us around.”
Sakura blushed and Sasuke shivered. – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
Gai was practically crying at ‘The beautiful display of youth!’ that the two genin had displayed, whilst Kakashi was skeptical.
“I thought you hated everyone in this village… Naruto.” He asked, not looking at the boy.
Naruto spat on the ground, “I do, but that’s no reason to turn your back on a comrade,” he looked at his jounin instructor, “even if we are on different teams we’re still comrades.”
Kakashi smirked, “Are you sure it wasn’t because she was cute?”
Naruto’s response, a knee to the balls, caused many of the genin to stare in shock.
“Kakashi-no-hentai, is that all you think about?!”
HE glared at the twitching jounin, “Suggest that again and I swear I will hunt down and slaughter the guy who writes that dime store smut you call literature!”
Every male jounin, and Anko, winced at this, wondering if Kakashi would be able to walk again. – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
Naruto’s eyes widened as he stared at the changed mutt, ‘okay… didn’t expect the mutt to be a freaking drug addict.’ – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
One grand slam Harem no jutsu later, and the corrupt Sennin had to be carted off to the hospital due to suffering a hemorrhage inducing nose bleed that sent him crashing into a nearby wall.
“That boy…” the man muttered as he was carted into the emergency room, “That boy… is a FREAKING GENIUS!” – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
“What’s the matter, afraid?”
“No, just wondering if it hurts.” Naruto replied smoothly, face neutral.
Neji frowned, obviously confused.
“Does what hurt?”
At this Naruto’s face changed into a grin that Mitarashi Anko would be proud of.
“You having a three foot kunai perpetually shoved up your ass.” – Naruto Gaiden, kyugan
Talamir clenched his jaw and told himself that it wasn’t wise to contemplate strangling his king.
He sat, rather stiffly, in the armchair that Sendar had nodded him toward. He knew that chair of old. It was seductively comfortable, and it was supposed to make him relax. He wasn’t going to allow it to.
And he wasn’t going to strangle his king. “Sendar,” he said instead, “I am fully aware that you are an accomplished king and leader, and under most circumstances you are perfectly capable of defending yourself, but may I be bold and point out that you can neither remain awake from now until this war is over, nor can you do everything that you refuse to delegate, even though there are plenty of your humble servants who are perishing for something constructive to do. Therefore you can resign yourself to the fact that you will have to sleep, now and again and will require bodyguards while you do so, and you will have to learn how to delegate.” He took a deep breath and waited for the inevitable reaction.
The king growled under his breath; something inaudible, but it sounded unflattering.
“Furthermore,” Talamir persisted, “if you intend to persuade your daughter to put up with her bodyguards, you are to going to have to set her a good example.”
“That,” Sendar said, clearly and distinctly, “is blackmail.”
He neglected to tell the king that he had pointed the converse to his heir. If each of them thought that the good example she (or he) was setting was the reason for the other to behave in a sensible fashion, it would make everyone’s job much easier. – Mercedes Lackey, Exiles Honor
“I told her you’d feel that way.” She nodded. Anyway, Selenay did indeed send me this morning to stay here with you until you woke, and tell to come to her when you did. A bit melodramatic, that, passing out at her feet wasn’t it?”
He winced. “I hope I was discreet about it.”
“You weren’t, but I don’t think anybody cared; actually, those of us who were still able to think were trying to figure out if we’d have to get Crathach to mind-blast you to get you to stop being so infernally noble and self-sacrificing.” She lifted an eyebrow at him. “You saved us from that by neatly falling over.” – Mercedes Lackey, Exiles Honor
“Oh, that they call me, other things among,” Alberich replied. “And ‘Great Stone-Face,’ or ‘Herald Stone-Heart.’” He permitted himself a sardonic little smile. “They take me, perhaps, for granite.”
Talamir and Selenay both blinked at him. “Was that a joke I just heard?” Talamir asked, in utter disbelief. “A pun?”
“Not possible,” he replied blandly. “No sense of humor have I. All know this.” – Mercedes Lackey, Exiles Honor
:That’s not a child: Caryo said testily. :It’s a stomach with a war horn attached to one end, and a mechanism that produces more excrement than a full grown cow attached to the other.: - Mercedes Lackey, Exiles Valor
Three days later. Shinji walked out of the Nerv detention center after a short stint for in subornation, and vomiting on the commander’s desk. He was mumbling like a person with a hangover. He still felt like crap. He always had bad effects to medications. He came face to face with Maya, “Hey, you look unhappy,”
“You vomit on the commander’s desk and you say I look unhappy. You disobey a direct order in combat and you say I look unhappy. You run off to capture Zero while medicated and you say I look unhappy. Tell me any reason I have to be unhappy.”
“Um, I forgot to invite you?”
“Exactly! I mean… Shut up major!”
Shinji laughed and made a beeline for the elevator. He wanted coffee and a shower. He was still in the blasted plug suit. He longed for his own clothes, not this cheap latex bodysuit. – Shinji the hunter, Magnus DeWinter
Shinji saw the incoming E-mail. Confused as to why Iris would send him a message he opened it up and was dumbstruck by the contents. As his brain slowly began to work again a smile began to work it’s was across his face. This caused those around him some fear. So far to their knowledge, Shinji Ikari did not smile. When his smile broke into a grin people began moving away out of fear that their class mate had finally snapped.
“MR. IKARI! Do you find something pleasant about the maverick wars!?”
Said person came back to reality. “Tanaka-sensei, you of all people should know that one.”
The teacher blinked and thought for a moment. “I suppose I would. Very well, return to your study Mr. Ikari.” - Shinji the hunter, Magnus DeWinter
Marik jumped, lavender eyes wide. He clamped a hand over his mouth, as if stifling his own yells. He then hissed, “It’s a full moon!”
Kaiba rolled his eyes backward, staring at the ceiling with a disgusted look on his face. “Werewolves. Of course. Evil megalomaniacs with God complexes aren’t enough already. Anyone know any vampires?”
“I’d be willing to bet Snape is one.”
“Not funny, Marik.”
“I know it isn’t. We should try a mirror or something to be sure.”
“Shut up before I feed you to a vampire.”
“…Promise it won’t be Snape?” – The Difference Between Shadows and Darkness, Phate Phoenix
“NUM-NUMS!” a loud, bestial sounding voice cried, causing Orochimaru to quickly turn to see a pale-eyed pirate girl with a crazed look on her face, bungee-jumping from a sky-ship, swinging a large sword that looked like a shark that had just cried out. Orochimaru’s eyes widened as he was unable to completely dodge in mid-air. The result was that instead of slicing him down the middle, Sharkey instead took off one of his arms at the shoulder. Orochimaru screamed in pain as he felt his arm ripped off and quickly devoured by the living sword. The Sound group began to descend in their leap as the bungee-cord snapped and pulled the Amethyst back towards them, laughing like a maniac.
The pirates on her ship watched in both fear and awe. “She’s possessed,” a gator-like pirate said in slight fear.
“She’s insane,” another harpy pirate added.
“She’s my sister,” finished Hanabi, causing the entire crew to turn and stare at her with wide eyes. – AtumComa The City Hidden in the Nexus, Demonabyss
"Naru-chan!" Usagi exclaimed happily. The constant battles, and endless senshi meetings drastically reduced the amount of time she was able to spend with her one-time best friend.
"Usagi-chan!" Naru replied with a grin. It was good to see Naru smile. She'd been sad for so long after the death of Nephrite. Usagi bounded forward.
"It's great to see you outside school; don’t you have cram school today?" Usagi asked repressing a grimace. She was thankful her mother never made good on her promises to send her to cram school if she didn’t bring up her grades. Naru shook her head, grin growing wider
"I took the day off! I thought if you weren’t busy, maybe we could have a girls afternoon, just us" Usagi beamed at the thought. Rei had a cold, and had canceled today’s senshi meeting.
"That sounds WONDERFUL" Naru grew excited.
"Great Usagi-chan. You know, there's this new taco stand that just opened up, and they're giving away free tacos, maybe we could check it out!" Usagi was immediately wary
"Uh, sure, Naru. I'll be right back okay?" Usagi stepped through the door to the restroom and locked it behind her. She was immediately wary anytime Naru suggested an activity. Images of Osa-P Jewelry, the Gym, and a dozen other instances where Naru had led them into a Dark Kingdom attack sprung to mind. It was like she was a beacon for all things sinister. If there was evil in a ten kilometer radius, Naru would inevitably have her energy drained by it. Usagi pulled out her communicator, and signaled all the Senshi.
"What is it?" came Luna's worried voice.
"There’s a new taco stand giving out free tacos" Usagi announced "I think it may be a Dark Kingdom plot"
"What gives you that impression" Rei asked suspiciously
"Naru is going to be there" Usagi replied
"Dark Kingdom plot" Rei, Makoto, Ami, and Luna replied in unison.
"We'll be right there, Usagi-chan. Keep an eye on Naru, and for goodness sake don’t let her get her energy drained again!" Ami said worriedly. Usagi nodded, and stuffed the communicator back into her pocket, before exiting the bathroom. She linked her arm through Naru's and led her from the Crown.
"So, taco's you said?" – A Love and Hate relationship, Jerikagoddess
#Oh, good Lord. # (Such was Ryou’s surprise, he for once forgot entirely about his cream puffs and accidentally knocked a few of them onto the floor with his hand. (Later, he mourned them.)) – With a wave of the wand, Shadow over Egypt
The two albinos stood there.
I have a feeling we'll be seeing them before very long.
Aa. And it's not a good feeling. Why did the ring lead us to them?
All millennium items lead to the puzzle. That's normal.
But it's not normal for it to drag us to the puzzle. It usually only points to where Yugi's item is located.
True. I think something's brewing.
Not another 'let's save the world!'
If Yami's involved, yeah, it probably is.
Wonderful. Shadi's involved too.
Bang goes the peace and quiet then.
And the neighborhood with it. - With a wave of the wand, Shadow over Egypt
Giles visibly relaxed. "That was bracing," he uttered, slamming his fist on to the table, venting his frustration.
"Interesting lady," Buffy commented. "Can we kill her?"
"I think the council might frown upon that," Giles remarked, but the temptation was there upon his face. "You two better get home," he uttered, rising from the chair. "You both have full days tomorrow, and your mother will be worried about you," he added. - Btvs: Seasons Rewrite Series Part 1: Season Three, Daniella Harwood
"Buffy, that's marvelous, well done," Giles handed her the results back with a wide grin. "What did your mother say?"
"She saw these scores and her head spun around and exploded."
The Watcher paled. "I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?"
"Yes. She was happy." Buffy looked at him solemnly. "Whatever you said her while I was gone worked miracles, Giles. I've never known her to be this supportive." - Btvs: Seasons Rewrite Series Part 1: Season Three, Daniella Harwood
Buffy nodded. "Giles, there are two things that I don't believe in: coincidence and leprechauns." - Btvs: Seasons Rewrite Series Part 1: Season Three, Daniella Harwood
'we work in the dark. We do what we can. We give what we have. Our doubt is our passion and our passion is our task. The rest is the madness of art.' – Henry James
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive, anyway."
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." - Herm Albright
"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown." - Carl Sagan
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." – Solomon
Buffy sat in boring potions class trying to stay awake. Most students were afraid of Snape but he just annoyed her with the whole vampire wannabe thing.
“Ms. Summers. What do you get when you mix lavender root with a touch of virgin’s saliva?”
“Slimy lavender root.” She guessed.
“I don’t find that amusing.”
“I wasn’t trying to be funny.”
“Well let’s try it with you and see what happens.”
“About six months too late for that.”
Snape blushed then composed himself.
“It makes a mild sleeping potion that induces romantic dreams.” He said. “I want a foot long essay on the pros and cons for this potion. Class dismissed.” – Family Secrets, JessAngelus
Xander and Willow exchanged glances with Spike. “Where’d Buffy go?”
Spike shrugged. “Probably off to wherever my bloody fags have gone. Wish I could have gone instead.” He stalked off in the direction of the shops, to see if he could find someone who knew what the hell he was talking about, or if the whole world had gone nuts.
Xander fidgeted uncomfortably. “Why is it I get the feeling this is my fault?”
“Probably because it is,” muttered Willow, grabbing his hand. “Come on, we need to find Giles and figure out what is going on.”
“But it’s Saturday! It should be illegal to be in school on a weekend.”
“Ok,” said Willow. “I’ll go tell Giles what’s going on and figure something out, whilst you hunt Angel down and tell him what’s just happened to Buffy.”
Xander grabbed her hand and began to run to the library. “Forget what I said before. I love school. We should totally be in one the weekends. Holidays too. Let’s just spend forever in school.” – Sunnydale Beginnings, emerald sorceress
“Male attention is to be expected. You’re a captivating woman. Edgy. Fascinating. And there are certain disadvantages to being seen in my company. I’m attractive, successful, and respected. And very rich. My reputation in this particular venue is beyond reproach. Your beauty and my position create an air of allure. I think you’ll discover that men here will find you very desirable. We could be a devastating duo…
I flexed my wrist, popped a silver needle into my palm, and offered it to him.
What should I do with it?”
He’d walked right into it. Too easy. “Please use it to pop your head. It’s obscuring my view of the room.” – Magic Strikes, Ilona Andrews
I couldn’t resist. “What do boudas do?”
“We try to be funny.” His eyes sparkled. “My mom had to go out of town, and while she was gone, my dad glued all of her furniture to the ceiling.”
I pictured Aunt B walking into her house and finding all of her furniture upside down on the ceiling. Oh God. I couldn’t help grinning. “What did your mom think about that?”
“She was pissed about the cat.”
I stared at him. “Your dad…?”
“Oh no.” Raphael shook his head. “No, he didn’t glue the cat to the ceiling-that would be cruel. But she had this wire-cage cat carrier, and he glued it to the ceiling and stuffed the cat into it.”
I saw where it was going, but it was too good to interrupt and I tried to hold the laughter in.
“The cat got pissed off and peed all over the place, and because the carrier was upside down, it went straight through the bars. The ceiling fan was on at the time, and the draft made the pee into a sort of mist…”
I lost it and doubled over.
Raphael was grinning. He tried to clean it up, but it got all over the carpet. It was a slight miscalculation on my dad’s part. He wasn’t a cat person you see.” – Magic Strikes, Ilona Andrews
Jim waited for us at the Gold Gate. His teeth were bared. “What happened to barely winning?”
“You said sloppy! Look, I didn’t even use my sword; I hit him with my head, like a moron.”
“A man with a sword attacked you and you disarmed him and knocked him out cold in under two seconds.” He turned to Curran.
The Beast Lord shrugged. “It’s not my fault that he didn’t know how to fall.”
Jim’s gaze slid from Curran to Dali. “What the hell was that?”
“Crimson Jaws of Death.”
“And you were planning on letting me know that you can turn people’s elbows backward?”
“I told you I did curses.”
“You said they don’t work!”
“I said they don’t always work. This one worked apparently.” Dali wrinkled her forehead. “It’s not like I ever get to use them against live opponents anyway. It was an accident.”
Jim looked at us. The clipboard snapped in his hands. He turned around and deliberately walked away.
Curran looked at me. “What the hell was I supposed to do, catch the werebison as he was falling?” – Magic Strikes, Ilona Andrews
“How is it that your abs are already starting to build up and Sasuke-kun’s aren’t?” the pink haired girl asked with her hands on her hips. Both Naruto and Sasuke cocked an eyebrow, not really caring about that kind of insignificant stuff like that, but suddenly the Uchiha’s eyes widened as something came to his mind.
“Wait a minute! How do you know whether I have or I don’t have abs?” the raven haired boy asked in an uncharacteristic alarmed tone. Sakura quickly clasped her hands over her mouth nervously. A grin made its way to the blond’s face in realization and let out a bark of laughter.
“I think Sakura’s been stalking you Sasuke!” the blond said as he continued to laugh.
“Dude!” said Kiba howling with laughter. He might be an ass most of the time, but he did have a good sense of humour. Naruto thought. Sakura was blushing like mad, she looked like she had shrunk in embarrassment. Sasuke’s face was of total shock. He knew he had fan-girls, some really obsessed, but stalking?
“I-I didn’t want to, but Ino convinced me and-“ her words couldn’t be heard by the new round of laughter that filled the house.
“Kami, they’re more!” the dog ninja said, rolling on the floor and tear’s already forming in his eyes. From the couch, Shino had both eyebrows raised. What else had they seen? Asked Sasuke in his mind. This caused a more horrified look in the Uchiha’s always stoic face. Naruto was never going to forget that face.
“There’s probably a stalking club.” The blond said, bending over and holding his sides. Besides him, Hinata had a hand over her mouth, trying to suppress her giggling but to no avail. No no no no Sakura couldn’t handle that humiliation anymore.
“Sorry Sasuke-kun!” She shrieked before she ran upstairs. – A ninja’s life, KoolPatty5
"You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will..." – Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"you can always trust a dishonest person to be dishonest. Honestly, it's the honest ones you have to watch out for cause you never know when they'll do something stupid." - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean
"In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed, it must be achieved." - Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Liberty means responsibility, that is why most men fear it."- George Bernand Shaw
"Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power." - Seneca, Roman dramatist, philosopher and politician (5BC -65AD)
"Les jeux sont faits. Translation: The game is up, your ass is mine!" - Unknown
Murphy’s Law: If something can go wrong, it probably will, unless I really like you in which case, let the rest of the world run screaming - you'll be ok.
"Terry: It's a toxic waste dump
Bruce: Can you think of a better way to keep people away?
Terry: Call it a high school?" - Batman Beyond
"Natures first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold. Her early leafs a flower; but only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay" - Robert Frost
"I've got PMS and a gun, were you saying something?"
"Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."
"Heaven won’t take me and Hell's afraid I'll take over."
"Last night I ran into my ex boyfriend. Then I put the car into reverse and ran into him again."
"I don't care what you think of me cause it can't be half as bad as what I'm thinking of you."
"I'm not mean, I just don't like you."
"I'm not mean, you're just a sissy." - A t-shirt I bought
"I'm not violent... I just have violent tendencies" - Another t-shirt I bought
"I like sensitive guys that cry when I kick them." - Also another t-shirt I bought
"Stop taking an extra step - they'll know you're going to make a move if you do that." There was a grunt of effort from Richard and then Bruce spoke again. "Higher. My head isn't that low."
"I wonder if your brain is..."
"Ow - I said higher!"
"What - you expect a criminal to hold still?" - No Secrets, Alexnandru Van Gordon
"And then we'll find Flash. You get to hold him down while I shove this bottle of gel somewhere interesting."
Shayera burst into laughter again. "you're such a good friend, Diana. You always let me join you when you do something really fun." - Ugly-Girl, Haunted
"Give a man an inch, he thinks he's a ruler" - A coaster my mother bought
"I want it all and I want it delivered" - Another coaster my mother bought
"Stop playing with your relationships! And don't drop them either!" - My psychology teacher
"You're not retarded. You're severely retarded. You're all severely retarded!" - My psychology teacher after the class took an IQ test from the 60's
"Why are you ALWAYS there WHENEVER I want to kill someone?" He roared, infuriated by the Batman’s presence. Robin, however, had never been happier to see a man wearing ears in his life. - No Weaknesses allowed, Valda
"Who are we? We're your worst nightmare. Elves... With attitude." - The Santa Clause
Ami had a question though. "Mirai, what did you do for food in the chamber? You couldn't cook when you went in."
"Carbon is a great motivator isn't it?" was Golan’s comment - Filling the Void, dragonrunt
'I have to admit, she is intriguing, even with her... disturbing thoughts...' he shuddered a bit as he recalled the images of hot guys without their shirts on making kissing faces at him. A disturbing thing to witness indeed. - Missions of the Heart, Spice of Inu-Yasha
When there's trouble you know who to call...well I would be he appears to be out of my calling plan... - Identity, asuka02redeva
Lacus froze in place. Had he really come back? would he stay? She cleared these thoughts out of her head. There was a job to do. There was a time to reunite later. Andrew Waltfelt started imagining how the kid would come and sweep Lacus off her feet. Cagalli had been listening to all the broadcasts and thought how she was going to beat the living hell out of Kira for making her worry. Athrun thought of how much effort it was going to take to get his fiancé/boss not to kill his friend. - Kira Yamato and the Longshot Kid, The Mad Dragon
"Aw bloody hell. It's the psycho wanker." - Kira Yamato and the Longshot Kid, The Mad Dragon
"I'm up, I'm dressed, now give me the damn candy."
"If you could read my mind you'd be running now."
"Hey you in there, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with that cannon. Just how many eye exams did you have to flunk to get in the military? You know we aren't going to sit here and wait for your friends. Why don't you fire your cannon and actually try hitting something."
Spiderman then turned around and shook his butt at the helicopter.
"This a big enough target for you fly boy?" He taunted as the league members looked on in shock. - Help from unexpected places, scriptseeker2000
"That's not true Hiei. The Death Tree is very dangerous. Just not if you can run faster then I can grow it." - Fire, Flowers and Wands, YamiEmmy
"Who are you, what the hell have you done with Ryou and how long are you staying?" - Hogwarts Meets the Shadow Realm, Computerfreak101
"Great minds think alike. But the thoughts of fools rarely differ." - My Comparative Civilizations teacher
“...What is the most painful thing we can do to him,” Zabuza wondered as he stood up and tied the Keiri to his back.
“...Justice,” Haku quoted.
“He killed a hero and drove the country into poverty. I think we should hand him over to the men and woman of Wave for them to deal with him.”
Zabuza raised his non-existent eyebrows. “That...would be evil. He would be tortured, quartered, and his body desecrated. I'm in.” – The Ninja Samurai, Foxcomm
‘The mightiest tree in the forest, was born of a weak seed, and through time and through perseverance against all odds, and all dangers, a great tree, tall and strong is born there and stands proud and defiant before all who face it…Never forget that the greatest champions were mere men and women, who grew into heroes in their darkest times, you have to start small to become something greater.’
An old saying from the memoirs of a former Holy Dragon Champion… - Naruto Dragon Champion, Freedom Guard
‘A hundred skilled warriors bought and paid for is worth the effort and is called a small force. However, a handful of friends whose loyalty is to you and each other…no matter what dangers you face…then that is no small force…that is an army. Friendships built on trust and loyalty is far stronger than any weapon or force.’
The words of an infantry officer in the 13th Dragon Champion Wars - Naruto Dragon Champion, Freedom Guard
‘Breaking free from one’s chains is the dream of every slave, and at times, it seems impossible…but only because they do not give it their all to be free.’
‘Freedom however…is worth every moment and every hardship once one is truly free from their chains.’
A Dagern sage’s words - Naruto Dragon Champion, Freedom Guard
\”Are you sure you want to do this young wielder? This plan of yours for your entrance could be a bit dangerous. Not to mention the ramifications if you do this.”/
“I know what I’m doing Kael…let’s do it!”
The Dragon saw that it’s master couldn’t be told otherwise and then made the dive…and Naruto waited for the last moment and then pulled it off…and shouted
“HERE I COME! GET READY EVERYONE DOWN THERE….”
The people below only had time to look up and gasp as a massive shadow form of an unknown creature suddenly appeared in the grounds, along with a loud voice and they heard a massive thump on the ground and the whole building shook a little and the place was covered in dust and as the dust cleared…they saw a massive Dragon rear up and unfurl it’s wings like a bird and before it was none other than Naruto Uzumaki in a cloak…The blonde then tossed off his cloak and took out Holy Talon as the Dragon roared and then fired out a burst of flame into the sky as Naruto raised the sword in salute...dressed in his armour.
“….BECAUSE NARUTO UZUMAKI IS HERE!”
Every jaw in the audience dropped at the sight and the other Genin who were in the tournament took several steps back as they heard Kael roar. Naruto then placed Holy Talon on his right shoulder and raised his left hand to pat Kael’s head as the Dragon moved down to show it’s obedience and loyalty to the Dragon Champion…making the other people in the area look on in shock…
Jiraiya was laughing his head off, while Sarutobi sighed and replied.
“Well…the cat’s out of the proverbial bag now.” - Naruto Dragon Champion, Freedom Guard
“So how the heck did you get into EVA Piloting… wait. Stupid question. ‘If there’s a fight somewhere, it doesn’t matter if he has to break laws of physics to do it, Ranma Saotome WILL get involved.’” Daisuke said, quoting an old Furinkan High catch phrase. “But I’m sure there’s a really interesting story behind this one.” – NGE: Angel of Light, weebee
While Dumbledore was lost in thought about how to deal with Fudge, Snape leaned over to McGonagall. “How did that idiot get away? I thought you had her under control?”
McGonagall shrugged. “She was a slippery little thing.”
Snape gave her a sharp look. The deputy headmistress was alarmingly blasé about having let Umbridge slip through her fingers. He would have expected her to be livid at the Pink Toad’s escape from justice.
Abruptly Minerva let out a loud belch. “Oh my, excuse me!” she exclaimed, patting her chest. Then she locked eyes with Severus who was just lifting his teacup to his lips. “It must have been something I ate,” she said, very deliberately.
Snape promptly spit his mouthful of tea all over Fawkes, who screeched in protest and huffily vanished in a burst of flame.
Snape stared at Minerva, who gazed placidly back. Surely she hadn’t meant…!
His mind worked busily, considering Minerva’s absolute devotion to her students, her well-hidden Slytherin tendencies, and her uncharacteristic lack of concern over Umbridge’s potential for future harm.
Snape gulped as he realized that one seriously enraged Transfiguration expert who is also a cat animagus plus one minimally powerful toad like witch who has done the enraging equalled… one partially digested threat to Hogwarts’ children.
“I – er – have a potion for indigestion,” he offered, trying not to sound as terrified as he felt. Suddenly Albus was no longer the scariest person in the room.
“That would be very kind,” she said, giving him an approving smile.
Snape decided then and there that enlisting Minerva’s support might well have been one of his smartest moves. That and never mortally offending the carnivorous animagus. – Harry’s New Home, kbinnz
"Any problem on earth, can be solved by the use of high explosives. The trick, is not to be around when they go off.” – Valkyrie
“Oi, oi, oi, don’t you two start something! I don’t want to have to be Mother Hen-Kurama.”
“Yeah! You’re supposed to baby-sit us, remember? ’Make sure I don’t kill anything on accident, and make sure Hiei doesn’t kill anything on purpose!”
“I’m still not sure how you’re planning on accomplishing that, Fox, but you’re quite welcome to try.” – Escapade, Lache-avec-du-Charme
“Yes Lieutenant, I’m fine.” Jack was practically sweating. One of Liene’s favorite jokes was "Some people are like slinkies: Not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs..." And in Liene’s eyes, Jack was definitely the slinky. – Gundam Seed: Killer’s Realm, Knightmare Gundam of Ni
At the firing range, Mu started Kira's fourth lesson on how to shoot a gun. Not that he knew.
“Alright, this is a OHG-3, the third model of OMNI's official handgun. It fires 10mm caseless rounds, twelve per clip.” Despite this, it still looked like a pre-Reconstruction War Beretta. “Alright, let's start you off with the basic firing stance. Hold the gun in both hands. Good. Now, face the target, and inhale. Now-” The lesson was interrupted by what sounded like a panicked and terrified scream, growing in volume as Jack burst through the door.
“NOOOO!!” The screaming pilot tore the OHG-3 from Kira's hand, dismantled it, and began going over it with oil and sandpaper, scrubbing each part with meticulous focus. When he got to the clip, he ejected the bullets and sprayed something in it, then polished the bullets. When all was done, the gone shown an extremely shiny silver.
“What...the...fuck?” Mu asked, dumbfounded. Jack turned on him with a fury.
“You...never...ever...give Kira a gun and tell him to fire it! Not unless it comes with computerized sights and a targeting system!!” Jack screeched. The robotics expert was waving the gun around dangerously, noticeably without the safety off.
“Now Jack...let's all calm down...Kira should learn how to fire a gu-”
“That's the point! He should, but he doesn't! And shouldn't attempt to learn!”
“Why not? WHY NOT!! I'll tell you why not!”
Flashback, Anonymous Firing Range
The two twelve-year olds were standing in a firing range, with a former sergeant of the Orb military teaching them how to fire a gun. Despite said sergeant's doubts, the orders did come from the Chief Representative.
“Alright, now...inhale deeply, exhale half of the breath, and fire!” The two boys did as ordered. Jack's bullet flew straight...into the very outer ring of the bullseye. Kira's bullet hit the wall, rebounded off the ceiling, the floor, and then the far wall, and then behind the back wall next to the door and at Jack.
“Right in the left cheek...” Jack whispered, massaging said buttock as he remembered.
“Okay, but one single accident...”
Flashback, Other Anonymous Firing Range
A year after the previous 'friendly fire' incident, Uzumi had decided to have them go another time. This time though, they were using assault rifles. The same sergeant stood, this time far from the two.
“Alright, you remember last time...”
The two took a deep breath, raised the rifles to their shoulders, and exhaled slightly. Then, they fired. Jack's short burst sprayed all over the outer rings of the target. Kira's long burst, however, sprayed around the target, ricocheting of at right angles into the surrounding walls, the floor, and the ceiling, before rebounding off the back wall and into both Jack and the sergeant's legs.
“GODDAMN FUCKING CRAP!!”
“Three months of intensive surgery...nanomachine treatments...it was horrifying...”
Before Mu could open his mouth, Jack continued.
“And then! The worst one of all...”
Flashback, Empty Forest
The sergeant had quit after the last incident, so Uzumi was instead asking his daughter, Cagalli, to tutor the two. The Princess of Orb was dressed in several layers of anti-shrapnel body armor, and then stuffed into an archaic suit of titanium-reinforced Samurai armor. After giving them some tips, she hid behind a wall of aluminum-steel alloy. As before, they inhaled, exhaled, brought the bolt-action rifles to their shoulders, and fired. Jack hit the bullseye. Kira's round hit a tree at an oblique, altering its' course slightly, hitting others at the same extreme angle, before ricocheting off the wall and into a...certain spot.
“I have to admit Kira, he does make a convincing point.” Mu said, while Jack exited the room.
“He's just paranoid.” Kira said, picking up the gun and shooting at the target. As with the very first incident, the bullet bounced off of the wall, the ceiling, the floor, and then the far wall, with it traveling through the opening door, past Liene's face, and off of the hallway wall, straight at Jack.
Mu and Kira poked their heads into the hallway, then retreated back into the range.
“Alright...maybe you should give the gun to me...” - Gundam Seed: Killer’s Realm, Knightmare Gundam of Ni
“What’s all the commotion?” Khu Lon asked returning from the shop.
“Somebody said something inappropriate about Xian Pu and I. I gave him a taste of a pressure point Dr. Tofu taught me.”
“Which one Son-in-Law?”
“Trumpeting Elephant Eating Mud”
“Remind me never to cross that man,”
“I’d be more concerned about Kasumi, there’s a reason he always falls apart around her.” Ranma replied. For the first time in centuries Khu Lon fell off her staff.
“Nabiki owes me 5000 yen.” Ranma-chan smiled.
“Airen kidding right?” Ranma smiled and followed a beckoning Khu Lon, who had quickly righted herself, and lead them into the shop. – Wizard One Half, Porpoisepower
As the front door swung shut behind him the older woman smiled warmly at Harry and he suddenly felt a deep sense of foreboding. The young boy gave his relatives a questioning glance, but they both avoided his gave. Shit, what had they done now? He hoped desperately that they hadn't sold him into the slave trade for extra cash or anything like that.
Finally Harry's uncle cleared his throat loudly. "Er, right. Harry, this is Professor McGonagall. She's the Deputy Headmistress at your new school."
Harry stared blankly at his relatives. "New school?" he repeated monotonously.
"...Yes. It's a private boarding school up in Scotland."
Harry's expression didn't change. Both he and his relatives knew that his grades weren't good enough to get into any boarding school, let along a private one.
McGonagall coughed, gaining everyone's attention. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Harry," she said in a prim voice. "As your uncle said, I am Professor McGonagall. The school that you've been enrolled in is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
Suddenly everything clicked into place in Harry's mind. The letter, the gigantic man, this woman, his relatives' nervous expressions...It was all clear now.
"So you are a human trafficker."
McGonagall stared at Harry with an expression akin to that of a deer in headlights. She must not have expected him to catch on so quickly, Harry reasoned. After only a moment, however, she was able to recompose herself. She threw a glare in the direction of the Dursleys for whatever reason before turning back to Harry with a patient expression on her face.
"No, Harry," she said gently. "Magic is real and you are a wizard, just like your parents were. Haven't you ever made something happen, something you couldn't explain, when you were angry or scared?"
Harry only considered the question for a moment. "No. Not really."
The older woman froze, as if unable to process what he'd said. Once she'd once again gathered her wits, however, she simply sighed and pulled out a thin stick of wood. She flicked it while murmuring under her breath and suddenly a vase that had been sitting on the mantelpiece was floating in the air. Of course, Petunia immediately went into hysterics, pleading for McGonagall to put the "priceless heirloom" down.
For several long moments Harry just stared at the vase. Then he shrugged.
"Alright. When do we leave?"
Once again McGonagall was frozen with surprise. She blinked dumbly at Harry several times.
"...That's it? You're just going to accept it like that? You're not going to ask for more of an explanation?"
Harry shrugged again. "You made a vase float," he replied. "Am I supposed to deny that I saw that? And as for the explanation, I'm sure that you'll explain everything, right?"
"So then, when do we leave?" – Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
"Good afternoon," said a soft voice from the back of the shop. An old man with pale eyes shining like twin moons stepped out from the shadows. Hagrid jumped in surprise but Harry just stared at the wand maker, wondering where he could get eyes like those.
"Ah yes," the man said before Harry could even speak. "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question.
Harry repressed another sigh. Was this whole world filled with stalkers or something? Everyone seemed to know his name.
The experience of getting a wand--or "having a wand choose him", as Ollivander put it--was odd and quite tiring. The fact that Ollivander seemed to be exciting himself more and more with each wand he pulled out only made Harry become quite wary of the man. He felt as though the wand maker was going to jump him at any moment. - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
September 1st found a very unhappy Harry Potter standing in the middle of King's Cross train station. He had been told by Hagrid to come here to catch the Hogwarts Express. Of course Harry had instantly questioned where the train was since he'd certainly never heard of it before and Hagrid had then explained how to get onto the platform.
The reason for Harry's current disposition was that he was going to have to run through a solid brick wall to get to platform nine and three-quarters. He knew that it was the only way to get to Hogwarts, but despite this every bone in his body protested what he was going to have to do. If Hagrid had tricked him, Harry was going to hunt down the man and kill him.
Finally Harry released a breath, tightened his grip on the cart before him, and then ran at the wall. He only released his breath when he'd passed all the way through and found himself standing on another platform. Standing before him was a large red steam train with the words "Hogwarts Express" on it.
"Honestly," Harry grumbled under his breath in annoyance as he walked forward. "Who came up with that bright idea? 'Oh, I know!'" he mimicked in a high voice, "'Let's run into walls!' Bloody insane." – Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
Harry was only broken from his thoughts when a rather short boy with platinum blonde hair swaggered up to him. Or at least Harry thought the boy was attempting to imitate a swagger. In reality he just looked like he was drunk.
"So," the boy said in an arrogant tone that greatly reminded Harry of his cousin, "I've heard that Harry Potter is here this year. You're him, right?" Immediately the voices around them hushed as people leaned in, eager to learn whether or not this was their "savior".
"No," Harry replied with a completely straight face. "I'm Vlad Tepes the Fourth. Son of Count Vlad Tepes the Third."
The blonde hesitated, suddenly looking awkward. "Oh, er, sorry," he stuttered. He quickly regained his composure. "Well then, it's honor meet you, Tepes. I am Draco Malfoy, of the Malfoys"
Before Harry could reply a girl with bushy brown hair and rather large front teeth pushed her way to the front of the first years. She glanced between Harry and Draco before here eyes settled on Harry.
"Vlad Tepes the Third?" she questioned. "Isn't that the historical name for Count Dracula?"
Instantaneously all of the first years around them drew back while staring at Harry in shock and not a small amount of fear. Harry, meanwhile, was torn between being pissed at the nosy girl for ruining his private joke and thanking her for telling everything. Hopefully no one would bother him any more, now that they believed him to be the son of Dracula. It was too bad that only children were this gullible. - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
Harry completely tuned out the sorting and instead allowed his eyes to roam over the teacher's table. There were several relatively normal-looking witches and wizards among them, but a large amount were quite odd as well.
'A woman with bug-eyed glasses,' Harry thought with a mental sneer. 'Wonderful. A midget. What does he teach? Considering as it looks as though he's been hit with a shrinking charm, I really hope it's not charms. A man with a turban...Jumpy, too, it appears. Heh, he kind of reminds me of a squirrel. A woman with...Are those vines on here hat? What the hell? ...A man with a hooked nose. Well doesn't he just look like bloody sunshine and daisies. But knowing this world he'll be the resident doctor or something.
'Let's see, who else...A strange old man with even stranger robes. That must be the headmaster and stalker extraordinaire. Damn, he looks like one creepy old man, especially with those weird twinkling eyes. He really must be a stalker. That's it, if he ever uses one single endearment on me I'm out of this place as quickly as possible. After all, you hear stories about those sorts of sicko teachers on the news all the time.' - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
Harry glanced down at the broom lying on the ground before him. It was old and some of the twigs stuck out at odd angles. So reassuring. Harry wanted to go dig up the wizard who'd first come up with the idea of flying and shake him violently while asking what the hell was wrong with him.
On top of the danger there was also the innuendo involved with riding around on a broom. There was only one stick that he wanted between his legs, thank you very much. - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
Harry halfheartedly attempted to get his broom to rise once more. When it didn't he shrugged, hoisted the broom onto his shoulder, and began to walk off.
"Mr. Potter!" Madam Hooch called. "What are you doing?"
"This broom's defective," Harry called over his shoulder without stopping. "I'm going to the broom shed to get another one."
Harry ignored Hooch's calls to come back as he continued on his way. Of course he wasn't actually going to get another broom, but now they couldn't say that he hadn't at least tried to come up with an excuse for his absence.
After dropping off the broom Harry headed back inside and began to make his towards the Hufflepuff common room for a much deserved--in his opinion--nap. He barely even made it past the first floor however when he ran into Draco Malfoy and the two apparently nameless Slytherins who seemed to shadow his every move like overbearing babysitters.
Harry was momentarily thankful that the Dursley had never gotten him a babysitter.
"You," Malfoy hissed upon spotting him. He glared up at Harry and the dark haired wizard was surprised to find that he was indeed at least an inch taller than Malfoy. That was rare, considering Harry's small size. "You told me that your name is Vlad Tepes the Fourth!"
Harry quickly smoothed any amusement from his face. "That's because it is."
"No, you're Harry Potter!"
"Nope, sorry, I'm not," Harry replied. "I do look scarily like him though, don't I? I wonder if he'd mind if I used his name and fame to get free stuff from Diagon Alley...The fan mail would probably be pretty annoying though."
Speaking of which, why hadn't he ever gotten fan mail? Not that he wanted any, but it seemed strange that he hadn't since he was such a big "celebrity". You'd think that there would be people offering their first born children to him for marriage left and right. Harry shuddered. Thank god that wasn't the case.
Malfoy blinked in surprise. "Er...What? You're not?"
"Nope. The next time you see Harry Potter ask him about this conversation and I'm sure he'll tell you that he doesn't remember it."
"But, but..." Malfoy spluttered. "I-- I don't remember and 'Vlad Tepes' from the Sorting Ceremony!"
"That's because I was at the very end," Harry replied while nodding wisely. "You were probably spacing out from boredom and didn't notice me."
Malfoy scowled at him, but now looked unsure of himself. Harry held back his laughter.
"Remember, ask Harry Potter about this!" Harry reminded the blonde midget while stepping around him and his two goons. He began to whistle a tune he'd heard on TV as he walked away.
Messing with people was always fun, and Harry was going to have one hell of a time pretending to be both Harry Potter and Vlad Tepes around Malfoy. He'd have to keep track out how long it'd take Malfoy to figure out the truth. - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
"I bet you'll think twice about breaking a school rule again, won't you, eh?" asked Filch, leering at him. Harry privately hoped that the man had no track record as a child molester. "Oh yes...hard work and pain are the best teachers if you ask me...It's just a pity they let the old punishments die out...hang you by your wrists from the ceiling for a few days, I've got the chains still in my office, keep 'em well oiled in case they're ever needed..."
Harry stared warily at Filch from the corners of his eyes. Was it safe to keep a man like this in a school filled with children? Just what kind of people did Dumbledore employ? Strict--and often creepy--teachers were one thing, but leering, bitter old man was quite another. What would happen if Filch snapped one day? - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
Harry was beginning to wonder why he hadn't turned around and ran back to his dorm room the moment Filch had led him outside. Or at least he told himself that he was beginning to wonder; in reality he knew exactly why he was plodding along through the forest, despite his reservations.
He'd like to say that it was because he was curious about the forest. Or that it was because he didn't want to leave Hagrid and Zacharias to some horrible fate. But the truth was nothing "noble" like that.
Harry just didn't want to be sent to Dumbledore. And he knew that McGonagall would do so if he ditched. Don't get him wrong, it wasn't about getting into trouble or anything, he just found the man undeniably creepy. He hadn’t actually met him yet--thank Merlin for that--but he always seemed to be smiling at him. Always.
Harry was even researching some locking charms that he could put around his curtains at night, just in case. - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
Abruptly Harry reached out and snatched the smallest of the bottles. He hesitated for just a second after uncorking it, knowing that he could easily be wrong. Then he shrugged.
"Well, since a dwarf doesn't 'hold death', there's no chance of me dying even if I'm wrong," Harry reassured himself. "...Unless the paper is lying to distract me...Hell, they could all be poison." He sighed and then shrugged a second time. "Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Bottoms up."
Harry downed the small amount of potion in one swift movement to prevent himself from second guessing himself and chickening out. He waited for several seconds after swallowing and though he felt as though ice was flooding his body, he didn't drop over dead so he figured that he was safe.
Unless of course it was a slow-acting poison designed torture its drinker to death.
Hmm, that was almost enough to make him wish he'd been attending potions class. No, actually, it wasn't. But the thought was enough to cause him to decide to begin studying potions and poisons on his own. Perhaps he could pour some kind of potion that tasted like an easily recognizable poison into Snape's drink and cause the man to have a mental breakdown - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
When the train finally pulled into King's Cross station Harry, Daphne, and Zacharias said their goodbyes and then went there separate ways. Harry began to push his way through the crowd, but didn't get more than five feet when he was intercepted by a particular blonde haired wizard. Harry released a sigh before quickly pasting a smile onto his face.
"Malfoy!" he greeted. "It's good to see you again!"
"Don't give me that bull!" the other boy snarled angrily. "I know you're Harry Potter! How dare you try to trick me--"
"Why, Malfoy, I'm really not sure what you're talking about," Harry said, feigning confusion. His eyes quickly swept through the crowd around him before landing on just the person he was looking for. Harry had to fight down a smirk. "Oh, I'm afraid that I'll have to cut this conversation short; my father is here."
Malfoy froze for a moment before following Harry's line of sight to a figure that was leaning against a nearby wall. It was a rather tall man with broad shoulder and a defined face. Long, black hair was tied back from his face at the nape of his neck and a pair of dark eyes coolly surveyed the crowd and students and parents. He looked just like what one would expect of a vampire.
Malfoy gulped nervously as his eyes slipped back to Harry. "I-- Er, I mean...Sorry, Tepes," he finished lamely.
Harry smiled understandingly and then, without a word, began to walk straight towards the dark man. He could feel Malfoy's embarrassed and confused gaze burning into his back.
"Hello sir," Harry said jovially as he stopped in front of the dark man. "I couldn't help but notice you standing here. Do you mind if I join you?"
The man slowly raised one eyebrow in question. Harry's smirk widened marginally. Now to add the finishing touch...
"Forgive me if this seems a little odd, but would you mind if I introduce you to someone?"
The man's other eyebrow quickly joined the first. He didn't look annoyed though--if anything he was amused. Finally he shrugged nonchalantly and pushed himself off the wall. Harry turned on his heel and began to lead the man back through the crowds and over to where Malfoy was still standing, staring open-mouthed at Harry. The dark haired boy smiled politely the blonde, though on the inside he was jumping with joy.
"Malfoy, I'd like to introduce you to my father, Count Vlad Tepes the Third," he said. "Father, this is Draco Malfoy."
A slow smirk crossed the face of "Count Tepes". He reached out and shook a stunned and terrified Malfoy's hand. "A pleasure, I'm sure," he murmured quietly.
Malfoy barely managed to stutter something in reply before he turned and fled. He even tripped over his cloak a few times in his haste, which was only a bonus in Harry's book. Harry was just turning to thank the dark man for playing along when a familiar voice spoke up behind him.
"...Harry? What are you doing?"
Surprised, Harry glanced back over his shoulder, only to find Zacharias standing there with a puzzled expression. The other boy glanced between Harry and the dark man for a moment before finally sighing. Despite his apparent exasperation however, the corners of his lips were curling up in the beginnings of a smirk.
"The Tepes thing again?" Zacharias asked. "Yeah, well, I guess my father is kind of vampire-ish."
Harry couldn't help it: He threw back his head and laughed. - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
"So you had a deranged house-elf stalking you?" Zacharias asked curiously, his head titled to one side. The boy was seated next to Harry, watching the proceedings with open amusement.
Harry shuddered in response to the question. "Don't remind me," he muttered. "The poor thing seemed to be star stuck or something, I swear. Kind of like one of those crazy fans who kill the person they admire. I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if he'd eventually hurt me for 'my own good'."
"Well he won't be a problem now," Haemon said firmly. "We'll take him to the Ministry of Magic in the morning to get everything sorted out. But it's late already now, so perhaps you should stay the night, Harry."
"That's not a problem," Harry replied with a shrug. "My relatives won't care." At Haemon's questioning frown, he elaborated. "We don't exactly get along. They tend to abhor anything even vaguely magical or 'weird' and I enjoy rubbing my own weirdness into their faces. They won't go looking for me unless I don't turn up for a week, trust me."
"I would still feel better informing them," Haemon said with a shake of his head. "I shall send an owl at least."
Harry repressed a malicious smirk. "Sure. That works just fine."
Haemon nodded, flicked his wand, and then began to levitate Dobby out of the room. - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
Haemon and Zacharias stood back, watching on in amusement while Harry scoured the store top and bottom for an interesting pet. Finally he stopped in front of a cage containing what looked like an overgrown ferret. It had sleek brown fur that was speckled with white and glaring red eyes. As Harry watched it its mouth moved rapidly, as if chattering, but no sound came out.
"What's this?" Harry asked curiously.
The cashier, a young witch who looked to be just out of Hogwarts, sniffed haughtily. "That's a jarvey," she said, distaste clear in her voice. "Foul little creatures, but they're rather useful in chasing gnomes. This one was hit by a few spells, so it's even worse than usual--hence the silencing charms."
Harry cocked his head to the side, curiosity growing with every passing moment. "Silencing charms? Why?" he asked.
In reply, the woman wordless drew her wand and waved it at the cage. As though a thick curtain had been drawn back, sound began to issue forth.
"--Nasty little bastards," the jarvey was swearing violently, "Bloody, goat-fucking, toad licking, wart infested, sons of--"
With another wave of her wand, the sound was cut off again. The witch's face was twisted into a disgusted scowl, but Harry was absolutely delighted.
"I'll take him!" he exclaimed, to the woman's horror and Zacharias and Haemon's amusement.
"But-- You--" the woman spluttered. Harry easily waved off her protest. "Fine," she sulked.
Money passed hands and in only a few seconds Harry was holding the cage and peering interestedly at the jarvey. It had grown even more violent now that it was eye level with Harry and the young boy could practically hear it already.
"What are you going to name him?" Haemon asked through muffled chuckles.
Harry smirked, not taking his eyes away from his new pet. "I think I'll name him Voldemort."
It was worth it to see the witch feint, out cold, on the shop floor. - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
The group's conversation was cut off when the door to their compartment suddenly slammed open. Standing there, glowering, was Draco Malfoy.
"Potter--" he began to howl.
"Not here," Harry interjected smoothly. "It's Tepes, remember?"
Malfoy's glare increased tenfold and vicious snarl rose up onto his face. "Don't you dare play that bloody game with me! Not after what you did--" he snapped, only to suddenly cut himself off. His gaze had drifted from Harry to Zacharias' hair. "What the bloody hell happened to you?" he asked incredulously.
To Harry's great surprise, Zacharias didn't huff like he would have expected. Instead the wizard smirked coolly and gazed at Malfoy with half-lidded eyes.
"Vlad sucked the life from me," Zacharias said, "Leaving my hair white as a testament to my survival."
The compartment went completely silent as Malfoy stared at Zacharias, caught between shock and incredulity. "But he-- he's not..." he trailed weakly off, glancing between Zacharias and Harry.
"It's alright, Draco," Harry said soothingly while patting Malfoy on the arm. "I can understand your confusion. The truth can get so muddled up sometimes. Now, what were you trying to say?" From the corner of his eye, Harry noticed that Zacharias was biting his lip, trying desperately not to laugh.
Malfoy managed to draw himself up to his intimidating height of 5'1" once more. "I was going to say that you...-- I mean Potter-- I mean...NO! That's it! I'm not dealing with this bullshit anymore!" He waved his arms around violently, once again worked up. "You. Are. Not. A. Vampire!"
Harry titled his head to the side and smiled brightly. "Nope!" he agreed. Malfoy faltered and then deflated, staring at Harry in shock. "But my godfather is a werewolf." Malfoy continued to stare at him, his mouth working soundlessly. Harry patted him consolingly on the shoulder and then steered him out of the compartment. "Have a nice day!"
And with that the door slammed shut.
For several moments no one said anything. Then...
"Your godfather is a werewolf?"
"No," Harry told Zacharias with a snort. "But Malfoy certainly doesn't know that." - Searching for Disaster, Shadow Rebirth
“Exactly. Also, the suit’s nano-fiber can… Let’s say change shape and colour. Just think about not wanting to wear it or something else you want to wear…” Tony blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. “Naruto, for the love of god, drop the Ms Marvel costume and go back to the normal one.”
“Ehm, sorry…” Naruto did as told. He guessed it was a bad joke. – No Reading, Meinos Kaen
“In learning you will teach, and in teaching you will learn.” – Phil Colins, Son of Man, Tarzan
“Nigh,” the stifled grunt of pain snapped Sarutobi from his musing. Naruto had an obscene pain threshold, so a grunt that we would normaly interpret as "I have a stomach ache" or "I scrapped my knee" for another child traslated as "I just got stabbed... repeatedly" for Naruto, anything less and he would just grin and bear it, literally.
“Naruto are you alright,” he asked looking into the boy’s grimacing face.
“Just a stomach ache,” he answered, “probably just hungry,” 'I hope.'
“You and me both kit.” Came a deep rough voice.
“Ak!” Naruto yelped whipping out a kunai from god knows where, “Who said that!?”
“Who said what?” asked Sarutobi while straining his senses to detect an intruder.
“I did,” came the voice.
“Damn it where are you?” Naruto whispered to himself trying to figure out where the voice was coming from.
Whirling around, his kunai up to defend himself Naruto found nothing there, 'WTF?'
“BWAAAAAAHHHH HA HA HAAAAA, Y-HA HA HAAAAA YOU ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT HE HE HEEEEEEE.”
Naruto just stood there dumbfounded, 'Oooooooooook... just what the hell is going on?' As far as he could remember none of the people who had broken into his apartment (house, room, box, whatever he happened to be living in at the time) had acted like this, usually they were yelling some hateful gibberish, not screwing around like this and NO ONE had ever done anything while jiji was around.
“I’ll tell you what’s going on, I’m saying hello and letting off a little pent up boredom and to be fair you’d do the same if you were stuck in cage for nine years with almost nothing to do.”
Now thoroughly confused Naruto turned to the third, a look on his face clearly pleading for an explanation. Unfortunately, seeing as the third had not heard the exchange he knew less then Naruto. Coming to the conclusion that the aged Hokage could not help him, and becoming very frustrated, Naruto reacted the only way he knew how... complete meltdown.
“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?”
“To put it simply the demon imprisoned in your stomach, that’s me, is saying hello.” Feeling a trace of disbelief floating around Naruto’s mind Kyuubi added “Ask the old man about what happened the day you were born.”
Now desperate for some kind of explanation Naruto turned to the third, “What happened the day I was born.”
“What?” he replied in confusion.
“The demon in my st-”
“Kyuubi,” he interrupted.
“Kyuubi,” he corrected “said to ask about it,” then realizing what he had just said and putting together a rough picture of what it meant his legs gave out.
Having realized what must have been going on in the boy’s head the old man bent down to sit next to Naruto.
“Nine years ago,” he began, “Kyuubi the greatest of all demons-”
“-attacked our village. The fourth…” he paused as though debating something then coming to a decision he continued, “Unlike what is widely believed Minato was not able to kill the beast-”
“WHO ARE YOU CALLING BEAST YOU BALDING PRUNE!”
“-and so he was forced to use a powerful kinjutsu to seal it away. In order for the technique to work he had to seal it in a newborn child, and you were the only one born that day.”
“YOU MEAN I'M-” suddenly Naruto doubled over griping his stomach.
“A hero,” finished the aging Sarutobi, “to a very ungrateful people. It should never have been like this...” he ended with a sigh.
“So in other words I-AUGH!?” Naruto cried doubling over holding his stomach as he began to glow red.
“What the hell…oooh shit.” – Naruto of the Nine Tails,EDelta88
They had gathered in a small clearing in the middle of grounds with 3 training post (to one of which Sakura was tied to) and a carved stone.
“Well here’s the good news,” spoke Kakashi, “None of you need to worry about going back to the academy.”
“Really?” asked a thoroughly confused Sakura.
“Yep, instead of going back to the Academy, which would be a complete waste of time, you three should just quit being ninja all together.”
“And why should we do that?” growled Hinata obviously still irked.
“You’re just a bunch of brats that don’t understand what it means to be a ninja, hell you couldn’t even see the point of the exercise.”
“And what, oh knower of all things ninja related, was to point of having gennin try to steal bells from a Jounin?” asked Hinata with sarcasm practically dripping off her lips.
“Teamwork,” spoke Kakashi, “You were supposed to figure out that you needed to work together. A single genin hasn’t got a snowflakes chance in hell, but a team of ge-” ‘Why is she smirking? That can't be good.’
“So if we figured that out before time ran out we pass?”
“Yeaaaaah,” said Kakashi cautiously, what was the point of asking that?
“So,” said Hinata turning to the other two, “we’re agreed that we would need to work as a team to get a bell?”
“Hn,” translation: yes.
“Ok then according to what you just told us we pass.”
“Say what?” asked a now completely confused Kakashi.
“You said that if we figured that out before-”
“Noon right but the timer already…went…off,” smacking himself in the forehead, “You screwed with my clock didn’t you?”
The only response he got was a very smug grin from his blue haired student.
And so began Team 7. – Naruto of the Nine Tails, EDelta88
Naruto smiled as she watched her go. “Well, it’s not subtle, but then again, that never was my specialty.”
He chuckled to himself and began to go back to his paperwork.
“Well aren’t you the little Romeo?” Kyuubi asked.
“One more word and the chew toy is history.” Naruto said to his tenent, not even looking up from his paperwork.
Kyuubi shuffled a bit, putting a large paw on the toy. “My chew toy.” He said to himself. – Naruto: Outcast, Bill Alain
Sarutobi frowned. “But in all seriousness, I suppose I would have to rank Iruka-kun as on the verge of mid S-class. He has been called the next Senju Tobirama for all his skill in elemental manipulation.”
Kakashi let out a low whistle. He had known Iruka was strong, but that strong? It was insane! He had never seen Iruka at full power, but if what Sarutobi said was correct, Iruka was easily one of the strongest in the village.
The threat of having his face melted off suddenly became much more real. At first, he’d thought Iruka hadn’t had the balls to do it, being too kind to stoop to such a thing. But now that he thought about it, the threat must have been used before.
Seeing the copy-cat sink into his seat with a frightful look, Sarutobi raised an eyebrow. “Something wrong?”
“Bad memories,” Kakashi admitted as he brought the cup up to his mouth.
“Ah, yes,” Sarutobi nodded sagely. “He must have used that ‘face-melting’ threat of his on you. I must say, it was quite intimidating for me too.”
Kakashi choked on his tea. – Shattered Eyes, Lithius Amarantinos
“What do you mean you’ve never ridden a Ferris Wheel? Isn’t that a crime?” Guan shouted at the bleach blond boy.
“I don’t even know what a Ferris Wheel is. Father said it some dumb muggle contraption.” Responded the idiot, not knowing what he was getting himself into.
“Oh yeah, where’s your father now?” Guan retorted.
The blond had the decency to blush. “He left me here.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean he left you here?”
“He was conducting business with the goblins about two hours ago. I asked one of the goblins what happened to him but the goblin said he had already left. I can only assume that he forgot he took me along.”
Guan smirked. “Perfect.”
He promptly grabbed the blonds hand and rushed out of the bank lobby. Ignoring the boy’s protest Guan grabbed his cell phone and dialed Remus’s number, ever thankful that the Li Clan had solved the magic vs. technology problem at the beginning of the twentieth century.
“Remus?” He asked.
The man on the phone answered back. “Nope sorry kiddo, it’s Nicholas. Remus is talking to some goblins right now.”
“That’s okay,” Guan said. “I just wanted to warn you guys that I’ve abducted one of those stuck up purebloods you guys talked about and am proceeding to brainwash him by showing him muggle London.”
“Is he bleach blond and arrogant?” Nicholas asked.
Guan looked over at his captive who had ceased his whining.
“Oh that’s brilliant. You’ve just kidnapped Draco Malfoy without his father being any the wiser. Carry on!” - Harry Potter and the Legend of the Sorcerers, Kasumi Hoshi Nishida
“The road to hell was ordered by the righteous, planned by the well-meaning, and paved with good intentions” - 16th century proverb
Strange Fact: It turns out that the voice actor Revy, one of the main characters from Black Lagoon who must be one of the most trigger-happy, violent and vulgar women I have ever seen in any show, originally got her start in Barbie and My Little Pony.
He watched as the boy continued to run with them keeping at an even pace, his eyes slightly lost as if he was thinking on their words. Leaving the boy to his thoughts, Zabuza continued his run looking at the village as they passed through it to the edges. The place was very different from Kiri, peaceful, even with the Shinobi who were out training already in the pre-dawn hours, and those that were heading to switch for guard duty or to leave on missions. He could hear most of them moving through the rooftops.
After a bit they were at the edge of the village and they moved to follow a trail that Naruto pointed to. It ran through the trees and was leveled out. Zabuza let his mind wander as they headed slowly to the Hokage Mountain. After a bit they were at the trail, and they moved to jog up the trail to the top of the monument, Naruto still pacing himself to Haku who had not changed speed at all as they began the incline. When they reached the top, Zabuza couldn’t help but glance to the skyline as the sun began to rise. It was a breathtaking site, and the village looked perfect as it bathed in the bright pink light.
“GAI-SENSEI!” a loud voice broke through his thoughts, “YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ME. WHY, IF I CANNOT CLIMB DOWN THE HOKAGE MOUNTAIN USING ONLY MY THUMBS I WILL RUN AROUND THE VILLAGE ON MY HANDS 500 TIMES!”
Zabuza stumbles to a stop, and turned to look around, Haku and Naruto stopping with him.
“LEE, MY PRECIOUS STUDENT. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL EXAMPLE OF THE FLAMES OF BURNING YOUTH! NO TEACHER CAN ASK FOR A BETTER STUDENT. LET THE FLAMES OF YOUR YOUTH BURN BRIGHTER.”
Zabuza, a horrified expression growing on his wrapped face looked around. He wondered where these two people where. He felt Haku tap his arm, and he looked to him, only to see a horrified expression on his and Naruto’s face, as the blond pointed to the side. Zabuza looked up and his mind blanked.
“GAI-SENSEI!” “LEE” “GAI-SENSEI!” “LEE”
He watched in horror as the two individuals started hugging each-other, the light from the rising sun glinting off of large smiles, showcasing glowing white teeth, shiny black hair and green (was that spandex) clothes. Unable to look away, the three of them watched the strange duo, until they disappeared down the mountain.
Several minutes later Zabuza finally snapped his mind back into focus. “What the hell was that?”
“Zabuza-sama, was that a genjutsu? Is the Hokage testing us in some weird way?” Haku’s voice was hushed and held a horrified tone to it.
Zabuza glanced down to see Naruto was still staring shocked at the spot the two green men had been. Shaking his head to finally get the image out of it, he snapped his fingers to get both boys attention. “I have no idea what that was, but we will never speak of it again.”
Haku and Naruto looked at him and nodded. Slowly, they started off to continue their morning jog. – Reflections of Demons, evil genius
“Nice guys finish last. Smart-asses sit on the sidelines and laugh.” – Genius Does What It Must, smrt1
“Ask me no questions, I’ll probably still lie.” - Genius Does What It Must, smrt1
“Damn, I haven’t thought about the Time Train in years… It’s a means of travelling through time, though perhaps a little stranger than most. No one’s used it for ages. I suppose it is still functional… Armourer?”
“Well yes technically.” Said the Armourer. “But some things are just too dangerous to mess with.”
I had to raise an eyebrow. “This coming from the man who wanted our best telepaths to try setting off all the atomic warheads in China, just by having the telepaths think really nasty thoughts at them?”
“That would have worked, if the Matriarch hadn’t stopped me,” said the Armourer sulkily. “All my best ideas are ahead of their time.” – Daemons Are Forever, Simon R. Green
“Families: Can’t live with them, can’t take them down to the river and drown them all in sacks.” – Daemons Are Forever, Simon R. Green
"Wizards Ninth Rule: A contradiction cannot exist in reality. Not in part, nor in whole. To believe in a contradiction is to abdicate your belief in the existence of the world around you and the nature of things in it, to instead embrace any random impulse that strikes your fancy-to imagine something is real simply because you wish it were.
"A thing is what it is, it is itself. There can be no contradictions" - First Wizard Zedd Zorander, Chainfire, Sword of Truth book 10.
"Faith is a device of self-delusion, a sleight of hand done with words and emotions founded on any irrational notion that can be dreamed up. Faith is the attempt to coerce truth to surrender to whim. In simple terms, it is trying to breathe life into a lie by trying to outshine reality with the beauty of wishes. Faith is the refuge of fools, the ignorant, and the deluded, not of thinking, rational men." - First Wizard Zedd Zorander, Chainfire, Sword of Truth book 10
Wizards Second Rule: the greatest harm can come from the best intentions. - Nathan Rahl, Stone of Tears, Sword of Truth Book 2
Wizards First Rule: People are stupid. They will believe any lie because they want it to be true or because they're afraid that it is true. - First Wizard Zedd Zorander, Wizards First Rule, Sword of Truth Book 1
The following quotes are from The Inner Dragon Online Quiz, v.7
Question: What size do you feel like inside?
"Massive baby. Man, myth and legend - Right here!"
"Size! How dare you ask! Taste my vengence, knave!"
"Size? Who cares? I'm the baddest dragon on this planet!"
"The smallest one around. But that's ok, they'll never see me coming."
Question: Which statement best describes how you feel about humans?
"Curious creatures. Decidedly lacking in intelligence, but good to have around anyway."
"Lets rally them to war and celebrate when they've killed each other off!"
"They look funny. They talk funny. They act funny. They taste funny. And they fight like girls"
"When they stay on my good side we don't have any problems."
Question: Select the sentence that best describes how you feel about other dragons.
"The more of us around the better. We can start more trouble that way."
"We are the warriors and defenders of this rock. And we'll be damned if we let some human screw it up!"
Question: And how do you view yourself as a dragon?
"I am the messenger of Evil. All bow before me."
"High and mighty. Best of the best."
"Powerful. Lets just leave it at that."
"I am the shadow, the mist, and the wind. My intentions are hidden and my reasons are my own."
Question: What's your most likely course of action if threatened?
"Just pass on by and hope they're not dumb enough to try anything - for their sake."
"Evade and escape to plot my revenge"
"Fight to the death! You dare challenge me!"
"Laugh in their face then squash them like a bug."
Question: given the chance, would you use magic or spells?
"Yes, and I wrote my own book of potions, spells, and remedies."
"No (including "Heck no" "I'll kick your wizard butt without them, thanks", etc.)"
Question: How much treasure would you hoard if you could have all you wanted?
"None. Where would I put it? In sea shells?"
"You cross me and I'll take what you've got. Otherwise, not much."
"Hey! I think that kid's still got his lunch money!" Evil grin
"Treasure? Gimme. All. Mine. Now."
"I don't really need it but having some more around would do me good."
"A few high-value items are worth the effort. And I could always use a few more."
“Bobby Drake, this means war. But war can wait. I need waffles.” – Mutant Web
"Procrastination and masturbation are the same. They’re both fun and games until you realize that you’re screwing yourself." --Anonymous
"Children in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause children."
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism
He’s the new Tsuchikage. The guy you stole the train from.”
“I guess that counts,” Tsunade admitted, choosing to ignore the comment about a train, “although, the council is not going to be happy about you leading a rival village.”
“Isn’t there a treaty between Spring and Fire?” Naruto asked.
“It’s unofficial bond of friendship, Boss,” Yui stated. “Technically, we are competing villages, even if our geographical separation keeps us from competing directly.”
“Meh, what can they do?”
“They can try to declared you a missing nin and put a price on your head,” Tsunade stated flatly. “I wouldn’t let that happen, but lately Danzo’s going around my orders a little.”
“You let him get away with that?”
“He’s not doing anything illegal,” Tsunade replied. “He’s just interpreting my orders a little loosely.”
“God, I would have had his head on a stake for that in my village!” Naruto declared. “Want me to kill him?”
“Naruto!” Rumiko snapped.
“Now, now. Let’s not throw out a perfect good option,” Tsunade interrupted as she rubbed her chin. “I’ll have to think about this one.” – Nothing but Trouble, Mister Cynical
Boredom made Dante restless; he didn’t deal with it well and now he wanted to play. Unfortunately, boredom also made him rather stupid… He was sitting on the floor by the bed, as Lady wouldn’t let him share. This had been, in Dante’s opinion, just a little rude of her…
“Payback time, babe…” He whispered, crawling stealthily onto the bed. Lady lay on her back, raven-black hair falling softly onto her forehead with a little on the pillow. The sight of her partially open mouth made his grin widen wickedly.
Discarding his crimson leather coat and black undershirt (which Lady had insisted he put on when they left his shop) he crawled along to her sleeping form. Carefully, he straddled her waist, making sure not to move around too much. The game would be over if she woke up early.
He gazed down at her sleeping face and made a truly evil face at her serene expression. Dante leaned down until his lips were an inch from hers. If all went well, Lady would think she’d dreamed everything…
He ran his tongue over his lips once, and then captured her mouth with his own.
Suddenly, he became aware of Lady responding to his kiss, her tongue darting over his lips…
…Before he felt the cold of a gun being pressed to his bare chest.
Lady pulled the trigger.
Dante flew off the bed, hitting his head on the wall and falling in a crumpled heap on the floor. He leapt up almost immediately
“Of for the love of…!” He stopped.
She was asleep.
The little vixen had kissed then shot him in her sleep.
Dante just stared, before muttering the obvious words;
“What the fuck?” – Of Curses and Clichés, KuroiDiamond
Do YOU remember the 90s??
Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it. You're a 90's kid if you remember:
You remember watching -Doug -Ren & Stimpy -Pinky and the Brain -AAAAAAAH Real Monsters! -Rockos modern Life. -Animaniacs -Gargoyles
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "in west Philadelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember -Step by Step -Family Matters -Dinosaurs -Boy Meets World-Full house
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
When everything was settled by -rock paper scissors or -bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or -ms. mary mack
When kick ball was a daily activity.
When we used to obey our parents
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You remember The Original Game Boy.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching -The Magic School Bus -Wishbone -Reading Rainbow -mr.rodgers neighbor hood-and Ghostwriter on PBS
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum.
You remember watching -the 1st Batman -Aladdin -Ninja Turtles -ghost busters
You remember Ring Pops.
you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players.
Making those little paper fortune things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
One word. . . . . . . .trolls.
Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of -Rugrats -Wild Thornberry's -Power Rangers -Rocket Power.
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
You remember Carebears
You know that Lambchop's song never ended.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
Everyone watched the WB.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy . . . Before the Internet & text messaging . . . Before Sidekicks & iPods . . . Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . . Before Spongebob . . . Before Tupac was shot.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
You had slap bracelets!
You Actually played outside until it was dark!
You had a furbie and grew sick of it because it wouldn't shut up!!
Way back. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . . (I feel old..)
"Not for the first time, Asil thought that it had served Bran well to have a son who oozed threat like a Twinkie oozed plasticky cream filling. - Patricia Briggs, Roses in Winter, Shifting Shadows