Hello fellow FanFictioners!
My name is randomphandom, or just Random. Or Phandom if you'd like? :)
Facts about me:
Age: None of your business...
Favorite Color: Currently light blue/turquoise
Favorite Animal: Not sure but I like puppies and kittens (doesn't everyone?)
Favorite Shape: Star
Favorite Food: Chocolate (obviously) "Chocolate is totally a vegetable!"
Favorite Music: I listen to pretty much every genre actually...
Favorite Book: I've read too many to keep track of... There are too many to choose from!
Favorite... um... uh... I ran out of ideas...
I love reading! And writing! (Why I'm on FanFiction... lol) And drawing! And photography! And singing! And pretty much any other artistic-related thing out there! lol XD
I like writing one-shots but I am currently attempting to write a longer story... no guarantees though. :p
UPDATE: I just got a DeviantArt account! My name on DeviantArt is Random-Phandom. Look me up! :)
And now for randomness... (Gotta live up to the name, ya know?)
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a can of bug spray: “Harmful to bees”.
(well, what did you think they would be harmful to?)
On a life-saving device: “This is not a life-saving device”.
(note to self, don't buy from this company)
On a motorcycle mirror: “Objects in the mirror are actually behind you”.
(really? i thought they lived in the mirror)
On a milk bottle: “After opening, keep up right”.
(Oh really? i was going to just put it upside down in my fridge)
On a shower cap box: "Fits one head."
(what if you have an oversized head?)
On a water heater: “If the building in which heater resides is on fire, do not enter the building”.
(what person goes into a flaming building to save a water heater?)
On a mattress: “Do not attempt to swallow”.
(your a little to late buddy)
On a TV remote control: “Not dish washer safe”.
Others (from ) Parenthsese comments by Kittycat32 The comments are sarcastic.
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow "Not intended for highway use."
(who uses a wheelbarrow on a highway?)
A 5-inch fishing lure with three nasty steel hooks "Harmful if swallowed."
A Bathroom Heater "This product is not to be used in bathrooms."
(well where else do we use it?)
A Battery "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use."
(guess I'm not using this battery)
A CD player "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."
(people still have catapults????!)
A Car Jack "For lifting purposes only."
(oohh i thought it was for a car named Jack as a present.. shheeesshh)
A Cordless Phone "Do not put lit candles on phone."
How do you balance a candle on a phone???)
A Halloween Batman costume "This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."
(well that puts a bummer on halloween...)
A Hammer "Caution: Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object."
(what, i'm supposed to strike a liquid object?)
A New Zealand insect spray "Not tested on animals."
(obviously.. you tested it on insects)
A Television Owner’s Manual "Do not pour liquids into your television set."
(Should have said that earlier in the manual people)
A VCR box says "Instructional video on hooking up your VCR included."
(how in the owrld are you supposed to WATCH it?)
A bottle of shampoo for dogs "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish."
(yeah i feed my fish dog shampoo.. suuuurrreee)
A box of birthday cake candles "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."
(ummm one word. EEWWWWWWW)
A box of rat poison "Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice."
A camera "This camera only works when there is film inside."
(what!?!?! my cheese didnt work?)
A can of air freshener "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers".
(that might be true actually.. hehehe)
A can of self-defense pepper spray "May irritate eyes."
(well what else is it supposed to do?)
A can of windscreen de-icing spray "Spray works in sub-zero temperatures."
(yeah that helps me soooo much)
A cardboard sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard "Do not drive with sunshield in place."
(so thats how people get in car accidents..)
A cartridge for a laser printer "Do not eat toner."
(BUT IT TASTES SO GOOD)
A computer mouse "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers."
(well if they did something bad...)
A container of underarm deodorant "Caution: Do not spray in eyes."
(wouldn't dream of it)
A dishwasher carries this warning "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."
(KIDS GET OUT OF THE DISHWASHER!)
A hand-held massager "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious."
(how can i see it when i'm unconscious?
A snow sled "Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."
(but thats the funnest part!)
A package of dice "Not for human consumption."?
(i guess they do look a little like marshmellows,... An easy mistake to make)
A popular manufactured fireplace log "Caution - Risk of Fire."
(i guess i'll have to be more careful next time..)
A rubber ball toy "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball."
(thats what the label says people)
A sharpening stone "Knives are sharp."
A snowblower warns "Do not use snowblower on roof."
How would you get a snowblower on the roof?)
A sticker on a toilet at a public facility "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."
(like we drink out of a toilet every day)
A string of Chinese made Christmas lights "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(well where else are they supposed to go?)
A baby stroller "Remove child before folding."
(shoot, thats another mistake)
A pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."
(awww... i lost the bet...)
An electric router made for carpenters "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."
(better go give in my dentist degree)
An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter "Do not use near fire, flame or sparks."
(isn't that the point?)
A package of nuts "Instructions - open packet, eat nuts."
(in my mind, it's much more complicated)
A bottled water label "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth."
(wow just... wow)
A rock garden "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth."
(may?!?! WILL people WILL)
A Fruit Roll-Up snack "Remove plastic before eating."
(theres plastic on fruit rollups? Well we learn sometthing new every day dont we...)
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children
2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts
3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping ( how exactly would that work?)
4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire (and you thought...?)
5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking
6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado
7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts
8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children (that’s probably a good idea.)
9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.
10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping
11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap (and that would be??)
12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness (I’m taking this because…..)
13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required (wow.)
14. On a Korean kitchen knife-- "Warning: keep out of children."
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair!).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD
20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".
8 Dont use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity . . . e-mail this to someone to make them smile and laugh. Its called therapy.
37 Things to do in an Elevator
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.
9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. Swat at flies that don't exist.
22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.
23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
34. Tell people that you can see their aura.
35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
COME TO THE DARK SIDE!!! WE HAVE COOKIES!
BE INSANE. NORMAL PEOPLE NEVER MADE HISTORY.
"There is no indignity in being afraid to die. But the shame of being afraid to live is terrible."
"Your theory's crazy, but not crazy enough to work."
"How can I stand idly by as men are taught to apologize for weakness and women are taught to apologize for strength?"
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, my friends, for I may not return alive
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. (THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD)
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbour’s newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
I ran with scissors - and lived!
Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: where the heck is my ceiling?
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from..
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.
I see regular people! Run for your lives!
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
A secret admirier is only a stalker with stationary.
If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!
If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
You say physco like it's a bad thing...
I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips
Sarcasm is one more service we offer.
I hear voices and they don't like you
Smile -- it confuses the enemy
I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas
Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.
The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy.(YEAH!)
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?
Things that make you go hmmmmmm...
Is it OK to use the a.m. radio after noon?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle before lethal injections?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on the door?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypads of drive-up ATM's?
Why is that when you transport something by car it's called shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If a synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all drown?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.
If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is a fog horn made out of?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dish washing liquid contains real lemons?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
If man evolved from apes, why do we still have apes?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the self-help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
If a mute kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
And whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp?"
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice?"
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to remove the one on top?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
Ok, ok... Im done. XD (For now...MWAHAHAHAHAHA!)