SpoonandJohn PM
8k+
Itachi, Is That A Baby? »
Petunia performs a bit of accidental magic. It says something about her parenting that Uchiha Itachi is considered a better prospect for raising a child. Young Hari is raised by one of the most infamous nukenin of all time and a cadre of "Uncles" whose cumulative effect is very . . . prominent. And someone had the bright idea to bring him back to England. Merlin help them all.Harry Potter & Naruto, M, English, Humor & Adventure, chapters: 102, words: 314k+, favs: 13k+, follows: 13k+, updated: 1/21/2020 published: 11/25/2015, Harry P., Albus D., Itachi U.
60Rebirth of a Snake »
Twenty-one years after the fall of Voldemort, he returns again and this time, he wins. With no hope and a dying world, they made a ritual that would either send the performer into the past or cause the earth to tear itself apart. Draco figured that either way, they could count it as a win.Harry Potter, M, English, Adventure, chapters: 6, words: 32k+, favs: 229, follows: 353, updated: 11/17/2019 published: 3/26/2016, Harry P., Hermione G., Draco M., Neville L.
328For My Brother »
At the last minute, Uchiha Itachi decides he can't torture his brother, so he takes the only option available to him. It's going to take years of therapy to deal with this.Naruto, T, English, Humor & Family, chapters: 6, words: 23k+, favs: 1k+, follows: 1k+, updated: 3/18/2018 published: 11/30/2017, Naruto U., Sasuke U., Hinata H.
45Blood Is Thicker »
Ino meets someone she was never supposed to know existed. Unfortunately, she's a natural. What's worse, she's sane. And it spreads.Naruto, M, English, Horror & Adventure, chapters: 2, words: 7k+, favs: 227, follows: 274, updated: 3/4/2018 published: 1/27/2018, Ino Y., OC
108Plucking the Strings Redux »
Authorized Posting! A chance encounter early in Naruto's life will irrevocably change the path he takes. His goal is different and so are his methods. The world looks very different with the Puppeteer of Konoha plucking the StringsNaruto, M, English, Adventure & Fantasy, chapters: 4, words: 25k+, favs: 619, follows: 723, updated: 10/20/2017 published: 12/24/2016
45
War Crimes
Professor Snape has pretty much despaired of ever teaching a dunderhead like Potter how to occlude his mind properly. Since he *is* on the side of the angels, he offers Harry a lesser option, one less effective but easier to do. Combined with a little sadism on Harry's part and he's lucky that Snape feels obligated to keep him out of prison for war crimes.Harry Potter, T, English, Humor & Adventure, words: 1k+, favs: 434, follows: 189, 7/17/2017, Harry P., Severus S.
114 Now Die »
Hinata has been living behind a mask all her life, trying to be a good person—trying to be like Uzumaki Naruto. Then Neji pushes her too far during the Chūnin exams and everything begins to unravel.Naruto, M, English, Adventure, chapters: 2, words: 22k+, favs: 1k+, follows: 596, 12/28/2016, Naruto U., Hinata H., Kisame H.
35Weasleys of the Corn
So it turns out that Ron isn't a cowardly me-tooer, but a dangerous madboy unleashed on an unsuspecting public who are inured to such activities after more than a decade of Weasley insanity. NOT A ONESHOT BUT SPORADIC UPDATES PROBABLYHarry Potter, T, English, Adventure & Humor, words: 2k+, favs: 219, follows: 202, 6/20/2016, Harry P., Ron W.
60 (Only) I Have Rights!
Quirrel: TROLL! Troll in the fic! Thought you ought to know. *thud* A badfic by John as "revenge" on Spoon. ONESHOTHarry Potter, M, English, Adventure & Drama, words: 3k+, favs: 148, follows: 68, 5/20/2016, Harry P.
29 Make Love Not War
Harry has come up with an interesting way to solve his problems by Christmas of Fifth Year. ONESHOTHarry Potter, M, English, Humor, words: 940, favs: 283, follows: 104, 3/29/2016, Harry P., Sirius B., Voldemort
172 What Are You Doing? (Youth!)
When Tsunade is told by the Council that Naruto will never be Hokage, things start to spiral horribly out of control. ONESHOTNaruto, T, English, Humor & Adventure, words: 6k+, favs: 2k+, follows: 799, 1/1/2016, Naruto U., Kakashi H., Jiraiya, Tsunade S.
37 How Moody Got His Eye
The real story of how Moody got his magical eye. ONESHOTHarry Potter, K+, English, Humor, words: 1k+, favs: 208, follows: 67, 12/12/2015, Alastor M.
117 Haridan the Cautious
With all three of his opponents dead before the Third Task, Harry decides to take a novel approach to a dangerous situation facing him: caution. Incidentally, this will allow him to get a little bit of revenge on everyone at the same time. Plus, he really needs to finish his Potions essay. ONESHOTHarry Potter, T, English, Humor, words: 3k+, favs: 1k+, follows: 496, 11/17/2015, Harry P., Hermione G., Albus D.
105 What Was Your Plan?
Harry has just begun his showdown with Evil!Dumbledore. Having shouted the various crimes perpetrated against him, he is unprepared for how the rest of the confrontation goes. ONESHOTHarry Potter, T, English, Humor & Tragedy, words: 2k+, favs: 771, follows: 260, 11/13/2015, Harry P., Albus D.