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Arden Ranger
Joined Jul '05

Things in HP Fan Fiction that Annoy Me:

Draco paired romantically with anybody while in school. Arranged marriage with another blood purest type, sure. But he is much too selfish and much too spoiled for real romance, which requires the willingness to put your partner above yourself - which he is not shown to be at all.

Snape and anybody young enough to be his child - especially a student. He's a bitter, angry, dark, unmitigated bastard but he is certainly not stupid.

Hermonie suddenly finding out she's a pureblood.

Non-magic Harry Potter. Once you take the magic out, it's not Harry Potter. You're just using the names.

Serious fics where Harry suddenly discovers he is the heir to every single important wizard that ever lived.

Spineless, crybaby, wussy Harry. He's survived almost his whole life with the Dursley's. He's a tough little bastard.

Mislabled stories. Which are against the rules.

Slash between HP/DM, SS/HP, HP/LV. It is so not going to happen and it's not in any way realistic. I am well aware that kids in boarding school will often experiment. But certainly not with people who hate them. I'm all for AUs, but even in Alternate Universes, Snape's not stupid.

Also Slash that is not clearly labeled in the summary. I hate getting into a story and finding a note at the bottom of chapter 3 (or even 1) saying "Oh, hey, by the way..."

Mpreg. If you think that's hot, go over to an Anime forum where like minded teenage fangirls will appreciate you.

Romance and sex written by kids who have never had sex and think romance is sappy and like the fairy tales.

Pairing Polls or "What Do You Guys Want to See Happen Next?" Excuse me? Really? I didn't realize I was a reading a Choose Your Own Adventure story.

Atrocious spelling and abuse of the English language by people who claim English as their primary language. Use a damned spell check and an online dictionary.

Misspelling common names and words from Harry Potter. The Elder Malfoy in the movie is certainly pretty but his name is Lucius, not Luscious. It's the Burrow, not Barrow or Borrow. Harry lives on Privet Drive, not Private Drive. It's Little Whinging, not Little Whining. Did you read the books? Can you not find the Harry Potter Lexicon online?

Ninja Harry. Please.

Veela Harry. Winged Harry. Demon Harry. Dragon/Elf/Dementor Harry. Stop. Just stop. Also, stop with the mutants (not to be confused with Mutants of the X-Men variety).

Writers who hold their story hostage for reviews. I will not review out of spite, even if I had planned on it before reading the ransom note. I am not alone in this, so anyone wanting reviews of substance are shooting themselves in the foot by doing it.

I love Betrayed!Harry fics as much as anybody. But Sirius and Remus turning on him of their own free will? Not seeing it. Ron? Okay. There's precedent. Hermione with her misguided respect for all authority figures? I can see how she'd be swayed. But Sirius and Remus? No. Also Neville. No.

Non-story chapters and chapters that are half review responses-both which are against the rules.

Rape. Of anybody.

Harry with Hermonie the Harpy or Ginny the Raving Bitch. There is a difference between a strong female character and a manipulative bitch that threatens and screams when they don't get their way. Boy's got too much other crap, he certainly doesn't need to hang on to that. Nobody's "gentle kisses on the lips" are worth putting up with that crap. I really hate Pussy-Whipped!Harry. A lot.

Favorite of the HP Books: Goblet of Fire, though the movie was a less than stellar. Half-Blood Prince was a huge disappointment on so many levels it's hard to know where to start. It read like mediocre fan fiction. DH; oh, god, please. It should have been Hermione Granger and the Deathly Hallows. The Power the Dark Lord Knows Not is apparently getting a smart friend to do your thinking for you. Don't get me started on the epilogue. Albus Severus... //snort//.

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