Please help! I'm trying to find a fic that I read a few years ago and can't for the life of me remember what it's called. It's a HP fic with Hermione and Draco and I remember that it had this really cool glass rose that Draco made for Hermione and that the ending was very sad. If anyone knows what story this is please, please message me. It's driving me crazy that I can't find it.

Umm...lets see what can I say about me? Aria DeLoncray is a character I made up for a Role-Playing site.

I absolutely HATE when authors have bad grammar or spelling mistakes. If you're gonna take the time to write a story then take the extra 10 minutes and edit. I don't mean the occasional mistake, I mean when the entire thing has many mistakes. I used to not care and would read it anyway but after being on here for a year I can't stand it anymore.

I'm not really sure why I'm even writing this considering no one's going to read it since I'm not an author.

ONLY IN AMERICA...

Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America...are there handicap parking spaces in front of a skating rink.

Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America...do we use the word 'politcs' to describe the process so well: 'poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

I'll add more as I find them.

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No," and shoot him. On second thought, I'll shoot him, then say, "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess/hansome prince, we will be married immediately in a quiet, civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large, red button labeled, "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisers will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of a cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 1:17 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence, "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisers, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her family in the blink of an eye.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mindset.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line, "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, naked mole rat, or whatever sickeningly-cute, little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the alluring rebel and they claim they are attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray their companions if I just let them in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say, "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an adviser says to me, "My liege, he is but one person. What can one person possibly do?" I will reply, "This," and kill the adviser.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says, "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say, "Oh well," and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However, before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child adviser will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisers ask, "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment Room.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable super-weapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisers assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old adviser can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror, "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be, "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the twelve Stones of Power on the sacred altar, then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of, "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I capture the hero's super-weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

FavoriteThings

Fics/Ships:

Harry Potter-H/Hr(I know a lot of people can't see it but who'd be better for him than the one person who's never left him), H/Luna(odd but I love her), Hr/D(I love Draco, he's a great character that can go either way), Hr/Twins(who doesn't love the twins?), Hr/Sirius(Yes, he's older but who doesn't love Johnny Depp which is who I picture as Sirius). I absolutely cannot stand Hr/R(he's an arrogant, bigoted jerk and an independent, smart girl like Hermione would never fall for someone like him. What do they have in common?) Rarely I can put up with H/G, if well written but really she looks exactly like his mother. My favorite fics are the Independent Harry because there are so many plot holes and I'm an opinionated person who doesn't like to see people pushed around.

Buffy-No B/A (can't stand Angel anymore), B/Spike(love, love Spike), IndependentXander are really good too because BossyBuffy got on my nerves at the end but on the other hand I love Independant Buffy too because the Scoobies were pretty controlling. Anything well written.

CSI:NY-I love Danny, can't stand Lindsay. And Flack...those eyes, need I say more?

Supernatural-Dean all the way. He's the epitome of the perfect man for me, physically at least, we can work on his attitude later...(and really I kind of like that too.)

Charmed-I love Chris and revelation fics or where someone from the future comes to help him because he really got a bad break and I'm ashamed of the horrible way the Charmed Ones treated him and I hate that all was magically forgiven once they knew who he was.

Pitch Black/Riddick-Vin Diesel, need I say more?

Fast and the Furious-Again, Vin Diesel. Dom is hot but I don't like Letty. Strangely my fav fics are ones with Vince. What can I say, I love scruffy bad boys.

I easily fall for the 'bad' characters and the ones that don't get a lot of air time. Like Vince, Xander, Oz, Sirius and Chris.

Books: Stephanie Plum series-author Janet Evanovich, Rachel Morgan series-author Kim Harrison, Kitty and the Midnight Hour-author Carrie Vaughn, The Truth about Forever-author Sarah Dessen, Harry Potter-author J.K.Rowling, Mystic and Rider-author Sharon Shinn and many others I can't think of right now.

Movies: Pirates of the Caribbean, Deep Blue Sea ( I know it's cheesy but I love it.), Contact, Lord of the Rings, Legally Blonde 1(Not the second), The Tenth Kingdom (All 6 hours of it), Star Wars, I can't think of anything else though there are more.

T.V. Shows: CSI: NY, White Collar, Sons of Anarchy, Game of Thrones, Walking Dead but only the first couple seasons, (used to be a LOT more here but I'm breaking my addiction to tv. Now, if I could only stay away from my computer...)

Music: 3 Doors Down, Maroon 5, Rihanna, Evanescence, Lifehouse, OneRepublic, Taylor Swift, Miranda Lambert, Christina Aguilera, Nickelback, Rascal Flatts, Matchbox 20, Staind, Creed and I'm also a huge fan of YouTube artists Ben Deignan, Marie Digbay, Justin Sumler and many more that I can't think of right now.

See, way to much. Not to mention all the books and stories I read here. No wonder I have no life.

Favorite Quotes:

“I climbed up the door and opened the stairs said my pajamas and put on my prayers all because you kissed me good night

Are you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if you think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem.

He had successfully pulled the giant elephant directly out into the center of the room and not only placed it on display but also forced me to look at it.

Problem is, if I can't trust you, I can't trust your statement that I can trust you. But thanks anyway, you've been a big help

I am both amused and annoyed that you think I should be less stubborn than you are

I'm gonna carpe the damn diem

When you fall: A friend helps you up; a best friend keeps walking and says,"Walk much dumbass?"

'it's always the last place you look'. well of course it is! why the heck would I keep looking afterI found it!

shit happens. but mostly to me, so dont worry

shut up voices! or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!

between two evils, i always pick the one I've never tried

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie at least make one of them pretty

They say "guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the gun helps, cuz if you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

If anything illegal is taking place here, I’m completely innocent. Unless I’m guilty. In which case I still didn’t do it.

Santa riding a buffalo across a rainbow as he was chased by clowns was just disturbing. - John Sheppard Where the buffalo roam by Titan 5

It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;-- it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others. -Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

“We had a perfectly polite discussion. Which is to say, I told him to shut up, told him what he needed to hear, and left.”

“Ooh. How’d he take it?”

“Not sure yet. We’ll know if I wake up tomorrow turned into a frog.” -The summer of our discontent by The Gramarye

It is the strangest of feelings waking up knowing that your life has changed forever. It could only be topped by the even stranger feeling when you realize that everything else has remained utterly unaltered while your world is completely shaking its foundation.

Buffy commenting on Jack and Sam finally getting together on Stargate - "Besides, it would be really funny to see mini- Jacks and Sams running around, building really cool space-gadgets that they’d name after Simpson characters." - Reunification Via the Pagan-Tech Express on tthfanfic

Money might not be able to buy happiness but it can sure as hell buy vengeance. -A Twisted Timeline by MadnessPersonified

I’m not crazy; I’m deliciously wicked and unpredictable. There’s a difference. -The Flip of the Coin by CalgaryCowgirl

Rules are made to be broken, plans are made to be changed, and schedules are made to be altered. - a line from my Eharmony personality profile

"Oh God," groaned Harry, covering his eyes. "Somebody call Voldemort. Tell him I surrender."" - Divergent Pathsby Ruskbyte

We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration! (no offense meant to illegal immigrants)

A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven days..."

Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby.

-Unknown

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money!" (George Carlin)

"My imaginary friend thinks you've got problems ..."

"Why is it that when I talk to God I'm praying, but when God talks to me I'm a schizophrenic?

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel ... just pray it isn't an oncoming train."

"I stopped fighting with my inner Demons. We're on the same side, now."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car."

I believe in getting into hot water. I think it keeps you clean." -G. K. Chesterton

I'm an angel, the horns are just there too keep the halo straight

Contrary to popular belief, misery does not love company; misery wants to crawl in a hole and die alone. - The Road Not Taken by ErisFury

"You kidnapped me! You're a criminal! -Greenlee 'All my children'

"Sweetheart, I'm your white night. Only the armor's a little tarnished and the horse is in the shop." -Aiden 'All my children'

Reality is the ultimate illusion.

Courage is not the absence of fear, rather the judgement that something is more important than fear.

The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don't live at all.

Well behaved women never make history.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Curious people ask questions, determined people find answers.

From now on you'll be travelling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey.

Do not interfere with the affairs of Dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

Smile, it confuses people.

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

Actions lie louder than words.

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.

Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not inate us to have them.

True love knows no bounds.

Do not let you fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

Sometimes you cannot believe what you see; you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too - even when your in the dark. Even when your falling.

Things you Would Never Know Without Movies

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

Most dogs are immortal.

If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

The Chief of Police is always black.

When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a sports stadium.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

My favorite stories list below aren't all my favorites. Most of them are but I also use it as a bookmark for stories I haven't finished yet. I read pretty fast so anything that has been on there for more than a week really are my favorites.

I found this on a website and thought it was funny and accurate.

Prince Charming

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and be forever happy doing so."

That night, while the princess dined on frogs legs, she laughed to herself and thought "I don't think so."

That's all I can think of for now.